Trying to Conceive After Miscarriage or Loss October '08
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I think I need help!
I had a missed m/c in July. I had a couple of really hard weeks afterwards but then felt pretty ok for a while. This week I've hit rockbottom. I can't seem to lift myself out of this depression I feel and at the same time, really wish I could just snap out of it. I think about what happened ALL day! This last month we started ttc again. I was really hopeful as we conceived the first time last time but just got my period yesterday - so feeling really blah now! I can't help but feel that everything will be alright if I was pregnant again now.
I am really struggling with the news that other friends are falling pregnant - it is not that I am not happy for them (I am elated for them) but I don't react to their news the way a 'normal' person would and I really do not like that about myself - how do other people cope with this?? I feel really selfish and self-centred reacting the way I do - it makes the pain of what happened come to the forefront again when I hear them talk about their scans and symptoms etc. and I just can't deal with it. It seems the closer I get to what would have been my 'due date' the worse I get. My mum really wants me to get counselling - has anyone else seen a counseller after m/c and did it help?? I just can't imagine that there is anything that anyone can say to me that will make me feel better??
Sorry, I feel like i'm venting here and it's not a very uplifting post either! I just feel like I have noone to talk to - that the people around me expect me to be over it by now and don't understand the anguish I still feel and how/why I would still be so upset.
A new thread deserves lots of . May we fill this thread with lots of BFP's.
Well back to renovation update...... We now have a sliding door to ....nowhere. (actually it will be to the ensuite) Dh has headed off fishing with a mate, (but his mate swears he will come in tomorrow and help do some work to the new room). He'd better or he'll have me to deal with....... It's good to see some work being done in the room. It feels like it's been forever since anything has been done.
AF has eased off with the headaches, so a couple more days and she should be on her way out the door (hopefully not to return for a long long time).
Jen - take a little time over the weekend to have a rest - you've been so busy with school you deserve it. Sorry, still can't get java to work on this computer, will have to get my nephew over to have a look (he's quite good with computers, just have to catch him between work shifts
Angel & Megsmum - thanks for the banter the other day (i really needed that). I did something this afternoon that I wasn't proud of, but it was a case of survival and hopefully it didn't hurt this other person too much (I don't think she saw me). I went shopping with DS1 this afternoon and spotted my SIL sitting at a table with her two elder daughters and the baby daughter (this is the baby that was born when my little angel was due). Any other time I would have gone over and said hello, this time, I pretended that I didn't see them and kept on going. I could hear the baby crying and did my best to ignore her. It muddled me up totally cause when I went to the car park I turned the wrong way to look for my car and didn't even realise until DS1 made a comment that the car was parked the other way. I thought I was coping a lot better then that but obviously not.
I'd better get back to sorting out some more stuff that I really "might need later". Wonder how much I can throw away?????
rach78...... You will have your set back hun..... you will have days when the fog has cleared or is clearing... and other days when you can not seem to see because the fog is so strong...... This set back is probably brought on by AF...... when we put so much thought into... "i would feel better if i was pregnant again" ... and then cycle after cycle we arent pregnant..... it hurts hun... really hurts..... then we put pressure on ourselves to be pregnant before the EDD (expected due date) of our angels..... and then if that doesnt happen even more pain.
Try and just work through One Day At A Time hun..... dont try and justify the pain... or put goals out there that we have no control over.... just be hun..... just be. Be happy.. be sad.. be cranky.. be frustrated... be pi$$ed off.... Just Be... whatever it is you are feeling just let it be.
And remember something.... every single one of these amaizing ladies in here has been through what you have been through.... I lost angel twins myself.... we understand where you are at... and you can say and ask anything you want.... if you dont want to post then you are more than welcome to send a PM. You are also welcome to look through the web site below if that helps at all........I know it helped me to look at other peoples memorial sites... i cried a lot... and then cried some more... but it helped... its under the text where it says angel babies angel babies......
Mollycat....It was good yesterday... I laughed so much.... I completely understand trying to do the bolt... in honesty.. i would have done the same thing....I know deep inside that one day it will all be alright.. one day I will be able to hold a baby and not want to cry.... but until that day arrives.... i ll high tail it out of any situation I possibly can...
Angel - thanks. I guess I just needed that justification. What's really bizarre is that in a couple of weeks time I have a little one starting that was born just before mine was due. I know it's not going to be easy, watching this one grow knowing mine should have been "doing this or doing that" at the same time. Her mum is absolutely wonderful, she has lent me her shoulder many times over the past ten months. She brings her in now and lets me play with her and I don't have a problem with that (at the moment).
Rach78 - Angel's right - one day at a time. It's all we can do. As you can see by Angel's signature and mine, we've been here a long time, waiting for our miracle to happen. Remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve and no one here will blame you if you laugh, cry, or sob (or have an angel ugly cry) it's all normal. We're all here for you - at any time.
I hope everyone doesn't mind that I pop in so much. The truth is that I still understand everything you all have been thru and are currently going thru - those feelings will always be raw unfortunately for me even tho I have been blessed with a life inside me - I don't think I will ever forget them.
Having said that....
Rach - COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE wanting to be pregnant to help fix the void that your angel babies have left in your heart. The pain is so real that it's almost palpable. The frustration of wanting to get pregnant "yesterday" and still not being pregnant is so very difficult. I used to lie in bed at night and just concentrate so hard that a baby would just magically be in my tummy - crying silently so that my DH wouldn't hear me. I'm here with tears in my eyes just remembering the futility and hopelessness I felt at those times. I was so angry with the world and didn't understand why it had to be ME that went thru this pain. I had my really bad times and then my "i can get by" times, I was never truly happy. People would tell me not to think about things too much but it was an all-consuming thought, pre-occupation, obsession - there was nothing else I wanted to think about. What you are experiencing is real and you should allow yourself to feel it with no limits and certainly with no time limits. Take all the time you need sweet and stay here as long as you need. The girls here are just so wonderful and very dear. Chin up hun - u WILL have your little one.....
Mollycat - hun, don't beat yourself up about bolting and don't feel guilty for any negative feeling you may feel in the future. I don't think one can ever get over a m/c completely - things only become more manageable. I was surprised that I started tearing up when posting to Rach above. Goes to show that you can be UTD (and it's not my crazy hormones making me cry) and still feel those feelings - they sneak up on you when you thought all was ok. Big hugs sweetheart - i think your tops!
I have returned from my holiday! i had such a wonderful time, its just a shame we had to come home! Saw some wonderful sites, went up a few mountains and saw some snow!
This forum has been mega busy! i had almost a whole thread to caatch up on!
It has just taken me about half hour to get through it all, and i still cant remember it all to do persies!
Will try and do some later on, but at the moment i have a mountain of washing to get through!!!! Oh joy
Will log back on later and try and catch up properly!
Good morning lovely ladies! I'm SO sorry I never got back on to do persies.... DF has been working on the computer, and I wasn't able to use it! They have smilies for being angry and throwing the computer.... they should have one where it's angry and throwing DF around for stealing the computer!! So I have about 4 pages of persies to read through, and this time I promise I'll be back! This is my quiet time when the whole house is asleep but me, so nothing will interfere this time! Be back soon! for the new thread!
hannah--This TWW is by far the quickest one ever! I never thought I would hear myself say that, but I'm certainly grateful! Thanks for asking! How's things with you?
21--Sorry to hear your DP may have to go to the Middle East for an army term. How long would he have to be gone? I say continue on with the TTC and just see what happens. You've got lots of time for a BFP between now and then! Hope the B6 helps, it did for me!
larz--Good luck with tomorrow's scan! Say hi to little Sofia or Sebastian for me! Enjoy your niece and her 1st B-day, sounds like lots of fun!
megsmum--Cycle bud! Will be thinking of you today and for a successful IUI! Go Fred! So happy you'll be joining me in the TWW!
WTH--Aww, hon.... sorry your results aren't what you thought they'd be! Hope your BT goes well and your u/s on Monday shows some nice, healthy follies! Will continue to for you!
mollycat--You had me with your You, megsmum, and Angel had me ROFLMAO
And Angel, you had me with
".....below is a rush of blue swimmers pushing past each other..... a couple of *cough* light blue swimmers are winking at each other saying... "ohhh what the heck" and skip off together.... a few pink swimmers pushing past the blue swimmers... and the rest of the pink ones sittin down below having a coffee and a chat saying... "i aint going there girlfriend""
If I didn't know who wrote this, I would've known it was you! Even though everything's spelled correctly! It's so you!
Thanks you three, for making it more like it used to be around here!
Last edited by jen805; October 12th, 2008 at 12:33 AM.
: big mistake!
jenushka--Cute ticker! FF says if I conceive this month my EDD will be June 26--less than a week after yours! I'm and keeping everything crossed! Great hcg numbers! So happy for you!
Milla--I personally didn't see a therapist. I found all strength and support I needed from the girls I met here. I found it to be such a release for me to hear the stories of other's who had been through the same thing. There were times where I felt like my story paled in comparison to another's... although the girls here helped me to realize that a loss is a loss, no matter what stage it's at. I found it to be cathartic to try to walk other's through their dark days of grief.... to cry with them, and laugh with them.... it was a very healing experience. I became very dependent on this site and the friends I've made here--for me, they were my therapist, and continue to be! Only you know what will work best for you.... if you feel you need to talk to someone, then I say go for it. It certainly couldn't hurt anything. Wish you the best of luck whatever you decide. Remember that we're all here for you to help you through whatever you need!
joey--Hey stranger! How you doin'? OMG, over 7 weeks already! Can't believe how time flies!
Easha--Sorry you missed chat.... plc and Krystie missed it, too, so you weren't the only one! Maybe next time! Hope today's temp is another high one! Remember, it only takes once! Hugs and for you!
Mannie--Thanks! Hope your cycle works itself out soon, I know how frustrating it can be.... you've been a trooper!
tutmae--Me? Create a culinary extravaganza? That's a My DF would get a good laugh out of that one! I WISH,(and I'm sure he does as well), that I could say I didn't come back due to creating fabulous feast, unfortunately it was just DF stealing my computer! *picture a jen smiley smacking around Mr. jen smiley*
Glad to hear you're finding your zen and being calm. ish. kinda.... (too cute! lol...) Hope the m/s gets better and stays away for good! Hugs and bellyrubs for you!
plc--How could we ever mind you popping in? You're always welcome here, you know that! Sorry you missed chat on Friday, you were missed! *kiss*
Welcome Rach--What you're feeling and experiencing isn't selfish or self-centered at all! It's a very normal reaction for someone that's experienced a loss such as the ones we've all suffered here. We've all felt that way, and there's days where I still feel that way! Please don't ever apologize for venting to us--we're all here to listen, cry with you, laugh with you, and support you!
Thank you tutmae, hannah, mannie, angel, tam83, ajc, megsmum for your words of wisdom. a big to all of you lovely ladies.
rach78 - I just read your post and I had to look twice to check if it wasn't mine. I feel the exact same way - all I want to be is pregnant again. I can't bear the thought of other women being pregnant. In fact, two of my best friends are pregnant right now, and we were all the same date. I can't face them as I would have before - it is such a difficult thing to see them, or just think about them. You know, when I have one of these "anger-frustration attacks" , I think about something I heard in a meditation CD: the "qi" (life energy in Chinese Medicine) can't flow if there is anger and frustration, the body has to be open to allow a new life to enter. So I try to take some deep breaths and focus on keeping my body open, getting the negative thoughts out. It doesn't always work, but at least I am trying to do something positive towards a . I also find it soothing to take care of my nutrition by reading a lot about ways to enhance fertility by diet, and applying these principles. For example, I drink wheatgrass juice, and preparing this juice in the morning is like a ritual. It gives me a feeling that I am not helpless, that I can do something to get pregnant sooner. That way you get at least part of the negative thoughts out.
By the way, I asked the same question than you re counseling - I got a lot of answers from all the lovely ladies in the September thread. check it out. I've decided to give it a try, I have an appointment early November. Will keep you all posted.
mollycat--You didn't do anything wrong... you simply avoided a confrontation that would've been sure to hurt you, so your mind went into self preservation mode. There's nothing wrong with that, you did what you had to do to stay in control of your emotions--I think it was a very mature way to handle a stressful situation!
Going to try to forget all about 6th grade fundraising for the weekend! I was able to get another mom to help me out with making some phone calls and scheduling volunteers for the various booths that will be going during the carnival. Unfortunately, this whole next week is parent/teacher conferences, so it's minimum days all week long! That cuts my days down by 2 hours, so I won't get nearly as much done.... kinda stressful with the carnival being next weekend! But seriously, trying not to stress out about it too much this weekend--my brain is fried!
Krystie--I'm you kick this m/s bug soon! My thoughts are always with you and little Chyan! and
Angel& AJC--Thanks for the chat on Friday and for making me laugh! I really needed it!
Angel, words can't express how happy it makes me to see your posts again! Love you Nuff! *kiss*
Toccara--Haven't heard from you in a while.... hope you're well, and enjoying some time with your DH this weekend! Big for you!
Thanks, Milla! Good for you for being so proactive in attaining your goal--you're such a trooper! Hope you're enjoying your weekend!
Me--Had a slight temp drop yesterday, and a nice increase this am... yesterday's dip was implantation! Today is also THE day.... it's the day of the return of my lunar phase.... so going to give Dr. Jonas a little test to see if his theory really works.
"The calculator produces dates and times for your lunar phase returns, when the current phase of the Moon repeats the phase at the moment your birth. According to the discovery of Dr. Jonas, if you want to use the increased fertility that, as he found, accompanies this moment, you should have an intercourse in 24 hour period preceding this moment." The date it gave me was Oct. 12, at 4:09 pm... which means today beginning at 4:09 pm... and calendar says girl! Looks like DF's getting lucky tonight! Time to pull those BD shoes back out of the closet!
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Trying to Conceive After Miscarriage or Loss October '08
and saw some snow!
for the new thread!
How's things with you?
Say hi to little Sofia or Sebastian for me! Enjoy your niece and her 1st B-day, sounds like lots of fun!
So happy you'll be joining me in the TWW!
Hope your BT goes well and your u/s on Monday shows some nice, healthy follies! Will continue to
with your
You, megsmum, and Angel had me ROFLMAO
It's so you!
So happy for you!
vibes!
My DF would get a good laugh out of that one! I WISH,(and I'm sure he does as well), that I could say I didn't come back due to creating fabulous feast, unfortunately it was just DF stealing my computer!
*picture a jen smiley smacking around Mr. jen smiley*
. I also find it soothing to take care of my nutrition by reading a lot about ways to enhance fertility by diet, and applying these principles. For example, I drink wheatgrass juice, and preparing this juice in the morning is like a ritual. It gives me a feeling that I am not helpless, that I can do something to get pregnant sooner. That way you get at least part of the negative thoughts out.
That cuts my days down by 2 hours, so I won't get nearly as much done.... kinda stressful with the carnival being next weekend! But seriously, trying not to stress out about it too much this weekend--my brain is fried!
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