Hi

I've been trying to stay away from the boards so that I am not obsessing constantly about TTC. DH and I decided to only keep trying up to the end of the year and then gracefully accept that another baby was just not on the cards for us. Because we only had a couple more goes I started acupuncture last week to maximise our chances. However, I think it might already be too late. This should be my most fertile time and I just don't seem to have the ovulation signs. Normally my most obvious sign is the CM but instead of it leading toward EWCM there doesn't seem to be any at all. It was a little under the normal amounts last month too. I can't even discuss it with anyone as my doctor is away for an undetermined period.

I thought I was beginning to cope with not having another baby but I realise that isn't the case at all. We bought a small wagon over the weekend and I should feel excited but I feel flat. We'd been saving for a little while and it was to be our family car (complete with DVD screens in the backseat for the kids) but now all I can think about is the baby I lost who was reason we started looking for a new car.

Add to that, I thought as a way to make myself accept not having a baby again, that I would look for a couple of days a week of work. A contact has rung me out of the blue offering 3 days a week but I don't want it. I don't want to work at all - I want to be home with DD and a new baby and I don't want this dream to be over so soon!