Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ June/July 2010

Hi Lovely Ladies
Just a quick one again.

Iona ~ LOL about the PartyLite ~ I just had a party myself, I love the candles. They are dear but I reckon they are worth the money. From having a party I got $200 free to spend.

Reet ~ Thanks for asking - AF has arrived finally, YAY. Cycles are slowly coming back to normal I think and hopefully next AF will come on time. Just really want my body to be normal before doing another round of IVF. GL to you hun, hope you get your BFP very soon.

Trea ~ Excellent news hun, CONGRATULATIONS! All the best for a H&H 9 months. :stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy:

GL everyone with tracking, charting, bd'ing, TWW'ing etc. :pray: for us all!

big hello & hugs to everyone,thought i'd let you know af came this morning,ivf nurse said i could go straight into another fet cycle,so let the bt's begin

Oh matthew's mum - hugs sweety, hopefully July is it for a few of us xoxox

Matthewsmum sorry to hear af arrived for you <hugs> at least she didnt keep you waiting this time and you can get straight into the next cycle of try for july

Matthews mum ~ Big hugs, very sorry it didnt work that go but glad you can have another go so soon, all the best and FX

Damprye ~ Really great to see you are so happy :-)

Matthews mum- Sorry to hear :( but yes good she didnt keep u waiting.. u must have spot on cycles hey! poor u having to do MORE blood tests.. it will be worth it tho.

Damprye- Great to see u so happy!!

Loops- Good to see ur body is sorting itself out.. lets hope it stays that way and ur BFP is just around the corner!

Iona- Let the bd bonanza begin!!! i hope u get the bed to urselves tonight. What have ur dp's friends done to make u think they are avoiding u etc?? Do u all normally hang out together?? Great that u have 2 really good friends to keep u going.. girlfriends are the greatest!

AFM- Well i think the line on the opks is lighter today.. its so frustrating cos i only ever get faint lines.. BUT!!! I have got ewcm!!!! YAY!!!!!! I just went to toilet before and noticed.. i got so excited!!! :lol: Since i was on the pill for so many years and my body has been all over the place ever since i have never noticed ewcm when Oing.. I was so close to ringing dh at his mates place and telling him he had to get home!! haha but i thought stop being silly he will be home soon enough. So so happy happy happy! My body is finally behaving!! :dance: :dance: :dance:

Matthews mum - sorry AF has arrived hope july is your month

Dampyre - thats great you are so happy and in love your date sounds awesome :dance:

Reet that is great! Hope your DH gets home soon and you catch that egg sounds like your about to "lay" he he :lol:

I got a darker line today!! not darker than the control line though and i have ewcm as well so think im am close too. im excited as well that my body might be doing what its supposed to as well :crossfingers:

Matthew's Mum- I am so sorry that your embie didn't stick :comfort:

Kellie- I hope that line just keeps getting darker for you :D

Reet- Yays that your body finally seems to be going back to norm.

AFM- *squeals* this morning I had my darkest OPK and now it has faded again, yesterdays (taken at 2pm) was faint so I think if I had of tested late yesterday it would have been positie so it means I had my surge (probably during the night) and got BD in last nigh and this morning, YAYS ^_^ This is like the best timed BD I have had in ages lol. I guess I am now in the TWW, I am hoping that this time it really is two weeks, at least that way the chances are that there will be plenty of time for any eggy to settle in...if we managed to catch one ;) I just know I will be thinking of EVERYTHING as a sign now :ROFL:

Cluck Cluck Cluck Cluck Cluuuuuck!!
So much egg laying going on in here!! :) :)
Ive got my daily bd in.. laid down afterwards for 40 mins.. i hope gravity did its job and sent those little swimmers swimming!! I always get so paranoid to move afterwards incase it all falls out!! haha.
xx

LOL Reet, I do the same thing. I also wont even try the whole 'checking the cervix' thing for days afterwards just in case haha

Trea - even though you posted in the wrong thread - congratulations. Can you PM me with your experiences with Dr Sacks? I was going to see him but my circumstances changed and I want to know more about someone I 've heard so much about.

Mathew's Mum - oh sweetie - I am so sorry that embie didn't stick around......but awesome news that you can start again straight up with FET. Fingers crossed for you and sending you big bugs my blossom.

Kellbell - do you mind if I send your last post to my friend ( about stopping IVF and 2 miracles happening?) She has been long term tcc and two m/c and no luck with IVF and is really doing it tough. Although miracles don't happen to everyone, it might help her to know that it has happened to someone.

Good to hear that there are some strong lines on those OPK's.... let the BD fest begin. Thinking of you.

AFM - All good here - got a new toilet yesterday. Not what I expected to be doing for the first anniversary of Amelia's EDD. LIfe sure can be strange.

Well i just had newborn snuggles he was so cute just devine:loveshower:
I hope that is all of us really really soon!!!!

Dory of course you can tell your friend about my friend she looked so well today and so in love with her little boy. I truly hope for your friend that a miracle finds itself her way too. She just had this look on her face like she couldn't believe he was here pretty amazing stuff!
It just seems so unfair sometimes that people who don't want them or cant look after them have babies while others who desperately want them have to struggle so much
Sorry about your Amelia - EDD are really hard :hug:

My OPK was darker today half the line was as dark as the control line - does that count or does it need to be the full line??

How is everyone else today hopefully too busy catching that egg to post :D

Hi girls, just a quickie

Sorry I've gone MIA for a few days again, I've been really tired and just too lazy to do much of anything. This month seems pretty much the same as last month so I'm not getting too excited. I hope everyone is well and I'll be back tomorrow to do some persies and catch up properly.

:)

Quick one from me be back later -

had a temp shift today :dance:
yah hopefully that means ive layed my egg hehe

Hi Lovelies,
Mathews mum - So Sorry your embie didnt get comfy, xxxx
Kellbell - Snuggles are the best :), they have the most beautiful smell!
Dory - Life is strange isnt it! Edd are always tinged with sadness for what could have been, all your angel babies will be helping you get through the following months xxx
Dampyre, Reet, Iona, forshelby, and loops, I hope you are doing well!

AFm - Had a huge BDing Bonanza over the weekend, lots of chaffing and knob burn :lol:, so now im nearly a week into the tww and dont feel like anything is happening, getting pretty frustrated,FX though
Had a cry yesterday after seeing a woman a few doors down (we used to be friends) she is huge and due the same week i was, couldnt help think of what couldve been :shakehead:
DS keeps asking me when we are going to get a baby sister for him, which also is making me a bit emotional.....Think Im getting the dreaded flu, I really dont like having a blocked nose!
xxxx

Forshelby - it's good for the soul to be lazy sometimes....

Kellbell - hopefully chick -a- dee.

hi girls,

im just popping in to say a quick hi.....there is a lot going on with me, none of it good, more problems with my family, got an abusive hate filled email from my brother yesterday and today i sent a letter to my dad explaining to him what had happened the day of the fallout as from what my brother said my mother has completely lied to them about what happened and i wanted him to know the truth, the other thing that is bringing me down is today is my due date for my first miscarriage that i had at 9 weeks.....sigh.......i hope july brings good news for a lot of us here, sorry for lack of personals......

Oh Minnie - thinking of you for your EDD.... not such a great way to commerorate with the email from your brother. I am so sad for you that your brother decided that sending you such a hurtful email was the way to manage the family conflict. I am sad also that he chose to be so passive aggressive about it. You can't "unsay" things, but particularly those that are written.

Remember though, as hurtful as the email is, it says more about your brother than it does about you, although I know it doesn't seem that way right now. Just sit with your hurt and anger and don't respond. You need to focus on you right now. Maybe in time when the hurt has had time to ease you can consider making contact with either your bro or mo, but best to leave well enough alone right now. That's what I think, but I am not such a great fan of conflict..... if your style is different, do what feel right, just take some deep breaths before you do. GL.

Kellie - Congrats to your friend, that's so lovely. Glad you got some snuggles, too. To answer your Q, half a dark line is still a + as long as it's the whole line top to bottom, not top or bottom half only. Mine are always darker on the left side of the line.

Iona - Thanks for the pg vibes, lol. Sory about DP's friends, but I totally understand needing distance. One of my friends at work was pg at the same time as me, and although I miss her terribly, I was secretly relieved when she moved away and left work. I don't know how I would've gotten through work every day watching her belly grow and mine... not. Just remember when it comes to friends, quality over quantity is better. :) How's your little man going?

Damprye - It's so good to see you happy again. Yay for the tww and well timed bd!

Matthews mum - Sorry about af arriving, but you're handling it all so well. Hooray for getting straight into another fet cycle! I hope this is the one!

Reet - Looks like my 'well behaved body vibes' have kicked in for you! I told you I was putting out the vibe for you! yaaaayyy... lol. Oh, and that's great you've got ewcm FINALLY. Enjoy it, girlie. You put that DH of yours to good use. Not that I thought you wouldn't be....... if only I could get DP that randy. LOL

Dory - Happy anniversary to Amelia. :( I hope today wasn't nearly as painful as you'd expected it to be. I know how tough 1st anniversaries can be. And I agree it is good for the soul to be lazy sometimes, but sometimes I over-indulge a bit!

Bons - Yay for knob burn, LOL..... Oh and you're almost my cycle buddy. I don't blame you for having a cry after seeing the lady a few doors down. I know how hard stuff like that is. And I know it's hard having DS asking when he's getting a baby sister all the time, but just imagine his little face when you can finally give him the good news. :) Hope your nose un-blocks soon too, lol. I can't think of many things more annoying.

Minnie - Your brother sounds like a real idiot. Sorry. I'm shocked he'd abuse you like this all because you want more babies, and your family are judging you for that. It's as if they feel like it's their decision, not yours. Luckily it's none of their business, but I know it doesn't make it any easier to deal with their dysfunctional ways. Hugs to you, hun. Good for you sending a letter to your dad. Sorry about your EDD anniversary today, sounds like an all-round crappy day for you. Let's hope the only way is up for you now :) And I completely agree with Dory. Hurtful words stay with you for a very long time. I don't know if you'll find this helpful or not, but I always used to say to DP when he got into one of his moods 'Turn TO me, not away.' Perhaps your family needs to hear something similar. Hope things get a LOT better for you really soon, hun.

AFM, Having a few weird things going on... but trying to ignore them as it's most probably not my month. (don't ask me why, I just feel that way) I'll put them in a convenient list form for you all, and particularly my stalker Iona. :)

-the same as last month
reasonably tender bbs
blood nose in the mornings? (weird)
crampiness, slight lower backpain
sciatica
vague blech feeling starting today

-NOT the same as last month
more tired than I can explain
cm all over the scale. From dry, to lotiony to watery and back to dry all on the same days
really wanted mushrooms (I normally hate them and dp has to hide them in my food)
and the big one.............. I SWEAR I saw some spotting today.

I keep questioning the spotting thing though. Sorry for the TMI, but it was like a few tiny brown specks. Later in the day (while checking obsessively) I saw a tiny speck of red, and since then pretty much nothing. Cm has had a yellowish tinge for the last couple of days, but today it seemed like the lightest shade of pink at times. It could just be my imagination, though. Who knows.

Anyway, that's enough rambling from me. I should probably go and make an attempt at cooking dinner, despite asking DP repeatedly if he would cook tonight. Oh noooo heaven forbid you have to cook one night of the week! HMPH! Men! lol...:wall:

I hope everyone is doing well, and this is the last time I'm going MIA... too hard to catch up! Sorry if I missed anything, or anyone. Thinking of you all.

Oh I forgot to ask my question. If I o'ed 2 days late does that mean my luteal phase will only be 12 days long? Or will af come 2 days later than the calendar says? I want to know when to start doing the happy dance if she's a no-show. LOL

Thanks, girls!

Forshelby- OMG!! How many days past O are u???! oh lets hope its implantation bleeding! To answer ur question.. i think ur af will come 14 days after u O'ed.. i think! Not totally sure tho. Yay yay yay!! We need some good news in here.. hasnt been any in a while now. :) :)

Minnie- Sorry to hear about the nasty email and ur bubs anniversary :( things can only get better for u xxx

Bons- Yay for chaffing!! lol. Sounds like me the last few days! When are u testing? or are u just gonna wait til af is late?? Is dh still home or has he taken his sore knob back to work for some recovery time?? :) haha

Hi Dory- Thinking of u :) have u got a scan coming up soon?? hey do u know if its a girl or boy??

AFM- Well since i dont know when i o'ed cos i never really got a + opk i dont know when we can maybe have a break from bding! not that dh will let me anyway. But i just much prefer afterwards to get up and 'clean up' or have a shower or something.. getting a bit sick of trying to hold it in and not move for hrs!! haha bit over the top?? i think so!!! im too scared to lose any of it tho!!
Hey i have a question too.. does anyone elses lower pelvic area get tender during O time?? For the last 2 days i havent been able to touch anywhere around that area or if i bump it on a table or something it hurts.. its really strange! Its like from one hip bone across to the other hip bone. I have no idea what else cld be causing it.... I havent ever heard of anyone else saying its happened tho so it probly has nothing to do with O time. hmmmm who knows!!
xx

oh forshelby, I have my FX for you....just remember I didn't have much symptoms last month but then.....xoxox

oh this ttc journey - it's so hard to not compare month to month, mwah sweety

quick one from me as I run out the door

EWCM this morn - we didn't get a BD in last nite too buggered, mark is sick, I was way tired as was up at 4:30 and crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow, bring on tonite!!!

will be back later for personals

I had EWCM too and my DP left for work early instead to play table tennis instead of making a baby we had a huge fight - men sometimes you could just throttle them.
My parents are coming tonight so this was prob our last chance for the month so i don't think we've done enough to catch the egg i feel like rubbish today :cry:

Sorry for the downer ill come back later...

Forshelby - I can't answer any of your questions..... but have everything crossed..... how many DPO are you and when are you thinking you'll test?

Kellbell - hugs sweetie - this stuff is hard. Hopefully you'll squeeze in a sizzle before your parents arrive or maybe even once they've gone to bed..... sneaky sneaky. GL.

Reet - Just bad timing with you being tired and Mark being sick. It just hurts so much and is so frustrating. Thanks for asking after me. The day was ok in the end. Not what I expected but I did do a lot of thinking which was probably good for me. Not sure when the next scan is... a growth scan is coming up. And gender is going to be a sweet mystery until the big moment. DH and I agree on this and always have. I was going to have a non diagnostic scan and have a secret women's business day of it, but life has intervened for my Mother and MIL and I am not sure they can come now as both have to travel a fair distance to come and have sick people at home to care for. But maybe I'll still invite my Aunt, cousin and SIL, her partner and their daughter. But I really wanted the grandmas to be part of it. I mean, they are from a different generation where this technology just didn't exist, and I want them to have a tangible emotional connection and not just some abstract idea. I might have to call them and just see if they can do it. Weird that people make the effort for a funeral almost without hesitation but I haven't actually given them the chance to say yes or no yet... so I should just wait for that.

Bons - hope the chaffing is improving :) Poor bloss.

hi all,dory & minniemouse-hugs,thinking of you & your heavenly bubs...kellbell-hope you can squeeze another one in,maybe sneak out to the car...bons-hope your ds gets his wish soon,i think sometimes we want it for them as much as we want it for ourselves,my 4 year old says things that tug at my heart strings as well...ionamacca-hope all goes to plan tonight...damprye- fingers crossed for your tww...reet-around o time i usually get pain in one side,hope your about to or already have caught the egg....forshelby-af should be due14 days after o...afm-thanks ladies for all you kind supportive words,bt's due to start on the 9th

Just a quickie from me..
U wld never believe it but before i went to bed lastnite at about 9.30 i thought what the hell I may as well do a opk.. i wanted to see no line so i knew O'ing was defintely all over and guess what!! There was the darkest line ever!! It was even darker then the control line! I was shocked! I really wasnt expecting it.. i dont think DH was either.. i think he was really looking forward to his night on the couch watching movies.. instead he was dragged to bed! I finally now understand how it can be looked upon like a chore.. thats exactly what it felt like last nite. Especially since i wasnt expecting it.. so i hadnt paid dh much attention all day (oops!) it felt like i was kinda using him!
So let the bd bonanza begin!! (FINALLY!!!) Been full on practising for a whole week now.. Golly gosh!
If we dont catch the eggy this month i will be extremely disappointed.. we have given it our all plus more!! Maybe we are giving too much???!
Anyway hope ur having a lovely day.. xx

Reet - what a lovely surprise... another week or so of sizzles. You're not giving it too much.... just think of the "war stories" you can tell in the years to come about your BD marathon.

reet-so glad you decided to do another opk ,have fun,don't worry about dh,a girl's got to get a bit when the timings right...

Hi girls!

Reet - I'm 9 dpo today. I think af is due on Wednesday then, assuming I'll have another 13 day luteal phase. I'm really hoping the slight spots (and I mean VERY slight) are a sign. Yay for an unexpected +OPK too! I was shocked at the timing of mine this month as well. I'm sure with your DH's sex drive he didn't mind 'being used' this time. Hehehe. Also, it's ok to clean up afterwards, you can still get pg. That's how I got pg the first time, not doing any acrobatics after the deed, just going about things as normal. Woman on top position was pretty much the norm at the time, too... so just goes to show that bubby was determined to make an appearance, if only for a little while. I get a tender lower pelvic area too during and after O, but it just feels tight across there. I'll let you know if it hurts if I bump into anything at random. lol :)

Iona - I'll be checking out your symptoms from last month for a bit of a re-cap when I'm finished posting. Not that it'll help anything, but I can't resist. LOL How's your bonanza going? I hope you get some good quality bd in since you have ewcm. Yay!

Kellie - Men! That's tough. Could it be that maybe he's feeling the pressure? Of course I know very little about your personal situation so I could be way off. Just putting it out there. I hope you're feeling better soon, and really hoping you o later than expected and catch that eggie. Makeup sex perhaps? hehe..

Dory - As I said above, I'm 9 dpo today, and already resisting the urge to POAS! I think I'll wait to see if af is late or not before I go wildly peeing on sticks. :) I think! I hope your mum and MIL can make it to the next scan, that's a lovely thought to include them like that. I'm sure they'll be happy to join you!

Matthews mum - Good luck with your bt's! I personally hate bt's, and cringe at the thought of them, so I really admire your strength at going through so many of them! When I was pg in 2008, I was so nervous about my bt that I was sweating and feeling faint. By the end, I had the hang of it, but still can't bring myself to look or think about what's going on when they do them. Do you have any specific tips in that area? Or are you just super tough and not afraid of needles? :)

AFM, feeling kinda strange today, too... but of course trying not to get my hopes up. I felt ill after a disgusting self indulgent 'breakfast' at my desk today... which consisted of a piece of quiche and an aero bar. That Aero bar nearly sent me over the edge... I felt really sick after eating that. By lunchtime though I was ravenous again and felt pretty okay after eating then. Other 'symptoms' are as follows.

bbs feel more tender today, bra is killing me
still dizzy and off balance feeling
slightly gaggy
light cramps and back pain on and off
Another TINY spot in cm!
I think I'm peeing a little more, but am not 100% sure of that yet.
extremely tired and yawning all day.

I wouldn't have even noticed the tiny tiny speck of 'reddish orange' had I not been obsessively checking at every opportunity. I er... had to really search for it. LOL, sorry for TMI! I don't know what it could be as I never ever ever spot except for the day before af. And that spotting is always just pink cm. I call it 'pinking'. LOL...... Still not sure what to make of all of this after last month's disappointment. Just trying to take it all one day at a time. I'm dying for Wednesday to come and go so I know if I'm pg or not.

So the agonizing wait continues.

forshelby-hope it is implantation spotting,other symptoms sound promising.no i don't like bt,especially when they have to chase veins in my hands because the ones in my arms go on strike,i hate the thought of not having another baby a lot more though,so i think about the big picture,make conversation & look away

omg forshelby, I am sooo quietly jumping up and down on my chair......how can I hang out another 5 days!!! I so hope they past so quick for me oops I do mean for you hehehe!!!

Reet - yay on the +opk last nite, FX that you caught that eggy

Matthew's mum - hope this cycle is urs too and hoping the bt's don't take too much out of u

dory - how are you going my dear, welcome to the third trimester. Now don't go over straining yourself and treasure these last 3 months.....the one thing I missed when I'd given birth was my baby belly :(

murraycod - how are you going sweety?? when is your next scan, you must be close to the magic number!!

bons - oh where are you, hope you are ok!!

Hi to everyone else...

AFM - more ewcm for me this arvo and looks like I got myself a + opk. I've decided after this cycle if nothing happens that I'm not going to follow my cycle or do opk's and just take it as it comes....

Matthews mum - That really resonates with me. I agree it would be harder not having another baby than having bts. Sounds like you do exactly the same as me. I try to distract myself, and just try not to faint. :)

Iona - sorry, I missed your post. I'm quietly jumping up and down inside just a little, but am just telling myself I am not pg so I'm not disappointed. Bbs feel bruised right now, that's pretty normal for me though.

I know this is totally off topic, but I couldn't think of anyone else I wanted to share this with. Mum called me a couple of hours ago to tell me my Grandma is in hospital and really sick. We don't know anything except that it's a really bad infection and it will probably kill her. She sent me a message a few minutes ago to let me know she and my Aunty are going to the hospital right now on doctors reccomendations. Apparently she's getting worse. I have a forboding feeling that she won't make it through the night.

I don't know how to feel just now. I have a lot of mixed emotions, all of them negative. At the forefront is guilt. Guilt for having not gone home to see the family since my mc almost 2 and a half years ago. I wish I would have gone, and had the chance to see her one more time. We didn't exactly get along, and she wasn't one of those amazing Grandmas you hear about.... but she's mine, and I don't want her to go just yet. It was selfish of me to isolate myself for so long. The worst part is that I'm a 12 hour drive away from home, and I know I'd never make it in time to see her before the inevitable happens. I realize that saying goodbye isn't really important, as she's unconcious, but I'm really grappling with not having that opportunity. For the first time in 7 years, I actually regret moving away.

Sorry for the long ramble, I just really needed to organize my thoughts a little bit. I haven't cried yet, I can't let myself just yet. I feel like if I cry, it's real and I'm grieving. I don't want to grieve again. Strange how life throws things at you to knock you down just as you manage to get yourself together.

I don't know how to end this post, I'm so scattered. Sorry again, I know I'm way off topic. But you're my girls.

forshelby: im not sure what to say to you, you are right thing like this come and knock you for 6, if your grandmother makes it through the night is it possible for you to go tomorrow to see her, even if she is unconscious it might be helpful for you if you are able to go and say goodbye, anyway i just wanted im thinking about you and sending you a big :hug: and :comfort:

ForShelby I am so sorry to hear about your Grandmother. This is the right place to post hun. As you said, we are your girls :)

Minnie- Sorry to hear that the family stuff still havn't settled down :(

Sorry everyone else I really only skimmed as I havn't got much time but good luck to you all :)

AFM- My chart and body are confusing me. I will see how it goes tomorrow but it looks like me temp is dropping back down again grr oh well. And some TMI, my cervix is still very soft and about medium depth which is confusing me as it is usually firm and low by two days after O and my CM is still 'wet', sorry again for the TMI but if anyone could lend some advice I would be gratefull. Sorry about the meness but I will come back when I have the time :)

forshelby-sorry to read about your grandma,glad she has got your mum & aunty there,remember you are an extension of your mum,so in a way you are there,maybe if you can't make the trip in time you could find another way of saying goodbye(writting a letter,poem,listening to her favourite music/watching a movie she would enjoy/reading a book she would of read),try not to feel guilty over not visiting much after your loss,it's a very traumatic time & we can only do what we feel up to at the time.sounds like she isn't in pain,hope your family are comforted a bit by this

forshelby - in my tiredness pm to you last nite I realised this morn that it may of come across the wrong way....am thinking of you today sweety. If you need anything please let me know xoxoxox

Minnie - No, I won't be able to make it in time. I don't have money ready for a flight either so it's going to take a bit of juggling to get up there at all.

Damprye - Thanks for your thoughts.

Matthews mum - I like the way you think. We don't think she's in pain and she's unconcious so at least she isn't suffering.

Iona - I pm'd you back. I didn't find your thoughts inappropriate at all. You're wonderful. :)

AFM, I've had a little bit of time to process what's going on and am out of 'shock mode' and into 'preparation for the worst mode'. I prefer this mode better, and I'm thankful I at least got a little bit of warning. I'm finding it difficult to focus on any pg symptoms right now tho. Wondering if they were all in my head. For some reason the bathroom smelled like meat this morning (wtf), so I thought the dog had gone potty in there..... but no. And I'm not 100% sure but my bbs might be a little bigger. I felt sick last night when I went to bed but I don't think that's related as I feel alright now.

Sorry for the quickie, just about to head out and get our mags put back on the car. Stupid previous owner damaged 2 of them. Grr.... more money down the drain.

Hmmm.. quick update. While out indulging in some light retail therapy, my lower back was killing me! My bbs are really sore right now, bruised feeling even when not touching them. Time to try out one of my nice new wire-free bras I think. Oh and when I went to the loo just before I was surprised to see some rather obvious spotting. I'm not talking anything major, just the 'specks' have gotten more obvious, and it's definitely blood. I didn't have to look for anything, it was just there. Oh please let this be implantation. I need some good news right now.

Haven't heard anything from the home camp, so I'm assuming no news is good news. Just about to text mum and see how things are going. I hope she makes it. I want to see her just one more time. If she gets through this weekend I'm going to talk to my boss on Monday about taking some emergency leave. Here I am still worrying about my work responsibilities. I just can't help it!

Sorry about the me-ness. Things are a bit crazy right now.

Forshelby- I am so sorry to hear what ur going thru babe xxx your poor mum and auntie :( i cant imagine what they wld be feeling. I reckon send ur mum a text or something just to tell her ur thinking about her.. its always nice to know u have ur family when something like that is going on. U try and be strong.. dont live with regrets or guilt.. it will just eat u up inside. On monday go to work tell them u need a week to 2 weeks off and go and visit ur family.. regardless of what happens. Im sure they are all missing u so much. Where do ur family live?? must be about halfway between u and me??
Thinking of u xxxx
ps. oh but on a happier note.. yay for spotting!! way to early for af to come.. its gotta be implantation!! i hope!!!! honestly we need some happiness in here.. i went to the paml thread yesterday and saw that possum and millyd had miscarried.. this ttc thing really gets me down at times.. pregnancy is meant to be happy! it is for so many ppl i know.. almost everyone i know.. except for me!! Come on bring on ur BFP!!!!

AFM- Got in another bd last night.. we really shldnt have tho.. we both knew that it was kinda forced.. we were just kinda talking and laughing all the way thru.. was SO NOT romantic!!! haha. Had to end up facing away from him so we cldnt see each others face.. it was quite silly!!
Frustrating tho cos for the last week we've been going hard and now when we needed lots of little swimmers and a big load i dont think it was there! Teach me next month to wait for the positive opk and THEN go hard!!! If its meant to happen this month it will tho.. we sure have done the best we can!

Thinking of u all xxxxxxx