Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ June/July 2010

Iona - sorry, I missed your post. I'm quietly jumping up and down inside just a little, but am just telling myself I am not pg so I'm not disappointed. Bbs feel bruised right now, that's pretty normal for me though.

I know this is totally off topic, but I couldn't think of anyone else I wanted to share this with. Mum called me a couple of hours ago to tell me my Grandma is in hospital and really sick. We don't know anything except that it's a really bad infection and it will probably kill her. She sent me a message a few minutes ago to let me know she and my Aunty are going to the hospital right now on doctors reccomendations. Apparently she's getting worse. I have a forboding feeling that she won't make it through the night.

I don't know how to feel just now. I have a lot of mixed emotions, all of them negative. At the forefront is guilt. Guilt for having not gone home to see the family since my mc almost 2 and a half years ago. I wish I would have gone, and had the chance to see her one more time. We didn't exactly get along, and she wasn't one of those amazing Grandmas you hear about.... but she's mine, and I don't want her to go just yet. It was selfish of me to isolate myself for so long. The worst part is that I'm a 12 hour drive away from home, and I know I'd never make it in time to see her before the inevitable happens. I realize that saying goodbye isn't really important, as she's unconcious, but I'm really grappling with not having that opportunity. For the first time in 7 years, I actually regret moving away.

Sorry for the long ramble, I just really needed to organize my thoughts a little bit. I haven't cried yet, I can't let myself just yet. I feel like if I cry, it's real and I'm grieving. I don't want to grieve again. Strange how life throws things at you to knock you down just as you manage to get yourself together.

I don't know how to end this post, I'm so scattered. Sorry again, I know I'm way off topic. But you're my girls.

forshelby: im not sure what to say to you, you are right thing like this come and knock you for 6, if your grandmother makes it through the night is it possible for you to go tomorrow to see her, even if she is unconscious it might be helpful for you if you are able to go and say goodbye, anyway i just wanted im thinking about you and sending you a big :hug: and :comfort:

ForShelby I am so sorry to hear about your Grandmother. This is the right place to post hun. As you said, we are your girls :)

Minnie- Sorry to hear that the family stuff still havn't settled down :(

Sorry everyone else I really only skimmed as I havn't got much time but good luck to you all :)

AFM- My chart and body are confusing me. I will see how it goes tomorrow but it looks like me temp is dropping back down again grr oh well. And some TMI, my cervix is still very soft and about medium depth which is confusing me as it is usually firm and low by two days after O and my CM is still 'wet', sorry again for the TMI but if anyone could lend some advice I would be gratefull. Sorry about the meness but I will come back when I have the time :)

forshelby-sorry to read about your grandma,glad she has got your mum & aunty there,remember you are an extension of your mum,so in a way you are there,maybe if you can't make the trip in time you could find another way of saying goodbye(writting a letter,poem,listening to her favourite music/watching a movie she would enjoy/reading a book she would of read),try not to feel guilty over not visiting much after your loss,it's a very traumatic time & we can only do what we feel up to at the time.sounds like she isn't in pain,hope your family are comforted a bit by this

forshelby - in my tiredness pm to you last nite I realised this morn that it may of come across the wrong way....am thinking of you today sweety. If you need anything please let me know xoxoxox

Minnie - No, I won't be able to make it in time. I don't have money ready for a flight either so it's going to take a bit of juggling to get up there at all.

Damprye - Thanks for your thoughts.

Matthews mum - I like the way you think. We don't think she's in pain and she's unconcious so at least she isn't suffering.

Iona - I pm'd you back. I didn't find your thoughts inappropriate at all. You're wonderful. :)

AFM, I've had a little bit of time to process what's going on and am out of 'shock mode' and into 'preparation for the worst mode'. I prefer this mode better, and I'm thankful I at least got a little bit of warning. I'm finding it difficult to focus on any pg symptoms right now tho. Wondering if they were all in my head. For some reason the bathroom smelled like meat this morning (wtf), so I thought the dog had gone potty in there..... but no. And I'm not 100% sure but my bbs might be a little bigger. I felt sick last night when I went to bed but I don't think that's related as I feel alright now.

Sorry for the quickie, just about to head out and get our mags put back on the car. Stupid previous owner damaged 2 of them. Grr.... more money down the drain.

Hmmm.. quick update. While out indulging in some light retail therapy, my lower back was killing me! My bbs are really sore right now, bruised feeling even when not touching them. Time to try out one of my nice new wire-free bras I think. Oh and when I went to the loo just before I was surprised to see some rather obvious spotting. I'm not talking anything major, just the 'specks' have gotten more obvious, and it's definitely blood. I didn't have to look for anything, it was just there. Oh please let this be implantation. I need some good news right now.

Haven't heard anything from the home camp, so I'm assuming no news is good news. Just about to text mum and see how things are going. I hope she makes it. I want to see her just one more time. If she gets through this weekend I'm going to talk to my boss on Monday about taking some emergency leave. Here I am still worrying about my work responsibilities. I just can't help it!

Sorry about the me-ness. Things are a bit crazy right now.

Forshelby- I am so sorry to hear what ur going thru babe xxx your poor mum and auntie :( i cant imagine what they wld be feeling. I reckon send ur mum a text or something just to tell her ur thinking about her.. its always nice to know u have ur family when something like that is going on. U try and be strong.. dont live with regrets or guilt.. it will just eat u up inside. On monday go to work tell them u need a week to 2 weeks off and go and visit ur family.. regardless of what happens. Im sure they are all missing u so much. Where do ur family live?? must be about halfway between u and me??
Thinking of u xxxx
ps. oh but on a happier note.. yay for spotting!! way to early for af to come.. its gotta be implantation!! i hope!!!! honestly we need some happiness in here.. i went to the paml thread yesterday and saw that possum and millyd had miscarried.. this ttc thing really gets me down at times.. pregnancy is meant to be happy! it is for so many ppl i know.. almost everyone i know.. except for me!! Come on bring on ur BFP!!!!

AFM- Got in another bd last night.. we really shldnt have tho.. we both knew that it was kinda forced.. we were just kinda talking and laughing all the way thru.. was SO NOT romantic!!! haha. Had to end up facing away from him so we cldnt see each others face.. it was quite silly!!
Frustrating tho cos for the last week we've been going hard and now when we needed lots of little swimmers and a big load i dont think it was there! Teach me next month to wait for the positive opk and THEN go hard!!! If its meant to happen this month it will tho.. we sure have done the best we can!

Thinking of u all xxxxxxx

Reet- Aww thanks hun. Your thoughts are really appreciated. I've been on the phone to mum a couple of times today, just chatting and trying to keep her spirits up. She seems ok, considering. I booked some flights this afternoon so I'm going to see my family on Tuesday and staying until Friday night. This way I'll get to talk to the boss on Monday, like you said. They're just going to have to suck it up. I need to be there especially for mum. I'm feeling quietly confident now, with the spotting... and backpain. Just waiting it out, I suppose. The interesting thing is that I'll be at mum's house when I can test! So packing my one and only pg test! lol... Maybe I should sneak a test in before I go. Decisions decisions. I said to her today my lower back was sore and she asked if af was coming. I said no I'm 4 days away and she just said 'hmmmmmmm'. :D Hopefully she knows best as always!

I lmao at your bd story tho.... that's pretty funny you had to face away from eachother to get your groove on. lol. I hope next month your DH can refrain until the +opk! I also read about Millyd and Possum.... very sad. :( Seems like there's a lot of sadness going on lately, so let's hope one of us gets a BFP in here soon!

Think I'll take the laptop with me when I go home, so I can keep you posted on any developments. FX I'm utd, It would be really nice to share that with mum.

Take care, and stay away from the sausage for a while, ok? LOL.. you've had enough, girl! And once again thanks for your kind words. :)

hi evryone-forshelby-glad you've been able to work out a way to go home for a little while,fingers crossed you'll be able to share some good news with them...reet -hopefully your announcement will follow ...possummagic & millyd-if your reading-sorry your both going through the grief of loss again...

forshelby - so glad that you are going home for a few days hoping your grandma hangs on until you get there - FX that you get to share some happy news with your mum especially during a time like this, thinking of you sweety xoxoxox

reet - yay on being in the TWW, and lmao in regards to your bd last nite, but hopefully it ends into something so special and you will be able to laugh about later on over a the birth of your bubba

matthew's mum - how are you goin sweety

AFM - got my +opk yesterday arvo and we had our bonanza last nite after having to put luke back into his bed!!! and it was back to being a -opk today so will do another round tonite and see how we'll go. well better get going to finish dinner

Forshelby- I can feel myself wanting to yell at u..'TEST TEST!!!' :) :) haha but ill refrain this month.. (i think u shld before u go tho.. pleeeeease!!) :)

Iona- Lets pray to god that we caught that eggy!! FX FX FX FX

Forshelby i say test too before you go. Hope your Grandma hangs on this week till you can get there. i think your def doing the right thing work is only work in the end family is what matters the most. i really hope you start the trend in here and get a BFP then we can all follow you!!!!!!

I got neg OPK's today so think i must be officially in the TWW wait as well. I made up with my DP yesterday and we got a sneaky one in even with my parents here :p
Yep i think he was feeling the pressure might have been a bit too intense with baby making this week. But i didn't want to miss that egg. He really wants a baby too i just don't think he gets yet that its only a small window every month.
Somebody in here said to sneak out to the car LOL now that would have been funny :lol:

Reet, Iona hope you have caught your egg too :D
I hope all our TWW goes really fast for us all. I have the urge to test now :o i have like two ebay cheapies in the drawer i should hide them somewhere so i don't test early this month
12 DAYS to wait is too looong!!!!

Hi all, sorry i haven't posted here for a while. It's been a bad couple of weeks. I have miscarried again. So i guess i'll be TTC again soon but i'm not ready to think about that just yet.

Not up to doing lots of persies right now but wanted to say Mathew's mum: so sorry that you did not get a BFP on your recent cycle. Wishing you (and everyone) all the best for the next month.

possum: so sorry to hear your news, we will see you back here when you feel ready, big hugs

Iona - Grandma is still hanging in there, but I still don't know if I'll make it in time. Mum told me the doctors weren't hopeful of that. I'm feeling a little bit nervous about the trip ahead of me. I realized last night that's 4 whole days away from my DP! :( Sounds like your OPK goes - really quickly. I wish mine were like that! I tend to get more than one + in a row, so I'm always a bit on edge wondering when I actually O'd. Hope you caught your eggie during your bonanza.. and welcome to the tww :)

Reet - LOL I knew you'd want me to be naughty and break my testing rule. Kinda tempted tho, lol. I might just do one tomorrow..... that's 12dpo. I'm so nervous, with everything going on right now things are getting a bit hectic and crazy. I'll let you know if I did cave in and test.

Kellie - I always did want to be a trendsetter. LOL... Ok, you twisted my arm. I've decided this month I am going to be pg. You made me chuckle with your wanting to test already... I know that feeling! I hope your tww (and everyone's) flies by. :)

Possum - I'm so sorry, hun. Take your time and be gentle with yourself. When you're ready we'll all be here for you. Big hugs.

AFM, No more spotting that I've noticed. Although I did have ewcm this morning. Very out of the ordinary for me at this time of month. What is THAT supposed to mean? Shouldn't I be getting drier??I also had to get up during the night to pee again, and it seems really dark in colour. Sorry for all the TMI..... :redface: It's so hard not to get my hopes up! I felt quite queasy this morning, but it's so hard to know if it's real queasy or just nerves. Everything going on right now has me a bit rattled. I don't know what I think right now! I'm going to be so mad if my body is playing tricks on me again. Does that just mean my af symptoms are EXACTLY the same as pg symptoms? That seems so cruel.

So sorry possum for your loss :hug:

forshelby you are def the trendsetter :lol:
Sounds like you had implantation bleeding are you testing in the morning?????
all those symptoms sound so promising
i hope your grandma hangs on a bit longer xoxox

I know the crazy POAS lady comes out in me esp after using the OPK's all week
We gave it our best shot this month even another sneaky BD today so just waiting waiting waiting!!!!!

Hi girls,

Just a quickie before work. Sorry about me-ness, I'll be back later on for persies.

So I dreamt I POAS this morning, but my alarm went off before I saw the result. I wasn't even intending on testing today but thought what the hell. It turns out it was a :bfp:!!!!! 12dpo and it's BFP! DP was shocked and excited, he said 'yay'... LOL.

Buying a couple more tests this afternoon so I can make sure.

Take care ladies! I am still in shock. I used a clearblue.