Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ September 08 #2

[RuthiePCOS momma]

Jen: Thank you for your comforting words I'm still hurting both physically and emotionally. I'm still "bleeding" and it sucks.. I thought that a D&C removed everything so why am I still spotting?... I did something I shouldn't have yesterday I cleaned this darn place and now I have this pinching pain on and off in my uterus. I dunno if I probably shouldn't have cleaned. SUCKS. every ache I feel reminds me that there is no baby there anymore. SUCKS! I was suppossed to see the doc. tomorrow but he left abroad and will see me next week. He told me its normal to spot still and he said if the pain gets severe to go to ER.. he said there is not much he can do now , he told me if things get too painful to take over the counter pain killers. which I am and it works. But it all just SUCKS!
I just want Nov. to come. hubby and I want to both give this another try with a doc to walk us through.. only like that I know we can make it!!
Among all this sorrow and pain.. something inside me.. I don't know.. its like I'm in complete darkness and I can see a ray of light.. leading me to this dream. I have HOPE.

Toccara: I feel the same way you do. It has been 5 days with an empty womb. everything I stumble upon reminds me of this baby... I bought so many books.. accidentally bumped into all of them yesterday and I just sobbed!! Got a call from my cousin saying she had an abortion the same week I lost my bub and I was so angry at her I screamed at her!!!
I know many women chose to do that.. but I told her HOW DARE SHE THROW LIFE AWAY!!!
she is very chirpy about it now.. I know many girls regret it after she is HAPPY!!!!
She said to me "shut up you infertile nutcase if I got pregnant again I would do it all over again"..... OUCH! that hurt. I mean I probably hurt her too by yelling at her.. but her attitude towards that infuriates me..
I'm not talking to her EVER!

I have been crying straight since 9-11.. every day I cry.. and I thought that as the days go by it should get better.. it hasn't.

On a happier note... I just want Nov to get here... I want to see that doctor and see what he has planned out for me. I'm going to TTC again then. Just want time to fly. Maybe we both still have a shot to have a 2009 baby... but that's not what's important... what's important is the we both carry a full term, healthy, ♥LIVE♥ baby. All I care is for that.
a HUGE, WARM, SQUEEZING going your way. I wish we were closer.. we could cry for hours together.

I that both of our journeys end in a happy way this time around. I have faith we both will hold our beautiful babies soon.
**edited to say*** OMG Toccara:.. So I make these angel graphics and stuff.. did you get any u/s before you m/c ed??.. or do you have a pic of your bump and or the BFP???... Send them to my e-mail with the date your angel grew wings ( if you want )and I will make you some cute angel graphics.. I do digital scrapbooking and I can sure make you something cute to remember your angel by. oh and if you do want it.. Ion top I want to tile it : Baby ________ ( your last name) example : Baby Majcher
(if you want) my e-mail is makunga21@hotmail.com
(((hugs))))
Me:
Here is a thing I made with all my angel babies... just dug out the only pics I took of my bump in those other Angel pregnancies and I made this...
So here they are.. Montan Babies

http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/f...O1aQtjLeBk.jpg

http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/f...55N8AmvfrY.jpg

http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/f...DULua8ojCe.jpg

and here is a poem I found with my 2nd m/c.. I thought I was never needing it again.. but unfortunately it comforts me now too.

Jesus are my babies with you?
I wonder every day
I sit and wonder why they're gone
And why they could not stay

Every part of me is empty
I fell I can't go on
But then I look to heaven
I hear this beautiful song

Mommy I am with him
He holds me in his arms
When every I am with him
he keeps me safe and warm

He says you shouldn't worry
I am safe and loved right here
With all the other baby angels
that passed within the years

We have a special place up here
He thought that you should know
Where the Blessed Mother takes
your place for now until you show

When I hear this precious little voice
From the heavens above
I know that all the angels
are showering him with love

For everyone that wants to hear
their babies voice so innocent and sweet
Just close your eyes and begin to pray
and embrace them in your sleep.


(c) Angela Gibson All Rights Reserved

http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/f...gBabyClose.jpg