Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ September 08 #2

Babyfever--:goodluck2: with your results on Monday... sorry you have to wait over the weekend. At least by then the numbers should've increased if you are pg!



Tam--:woot: Congrats on DH's :sperm: results!



Me--I don't think I'll be POAS... I've been crampy all day, so I'm sure that fatty fat face AF will come knocking soon. If I had higher temps I'd be more optimistic, but comparing this month to the previous, it's pretty close to the same... *sigh*



mollycat--Hope you enjoy your Anniversary! The story of your friend was so sad! :( Your whole family must have just been in shock! :hug: I hope that despite the sad memories this weekend brings, you're able to enjoy your special day with your DH.... I truly feel that your friend would want you to celebrate her life by enjoying the day of your marriage. Big, big :hug:

jenushka--We must have posted at the same time! Not really sure how far Napa Valley is, but I live in wine country, so there's tons of wineries around here! Buggers that I don't drink wine! :doh: That's kinda like working in a cigarette shop when you don't smoke! :lol: Or working in a bar when you don't drink alcohol! :rofl:

I hope DH gets to come with you for your appt. next week. But like you said, if not, we'll all be there with you in spirit! Ask Angel, Krystie and I were just with her at her eggie scan! ;) I remember how tough it was for you last time, but at least you had some questions answered, so I hope you find some closure again this time. We'll be here for a big :grouphug: afterwards!

Toccara--Thinking of you! :hug: Is DH visiting for the weekend?



Krystie--Special :hug: for you and little Chyan! Am very impressed that little Chyan already has more brain cells than Paris Hilton! :rofl: LC (little Chyan) can you say "that's hot"? :lol:

So how did those tic tacs work on your nausea? Hope you're feeling better! :hug: *kiss*

Hi girls. This is my first time to use a forum (yes I?m a virgin forum user at 34 ? pretty sad I know). However, I?ve read hundreds of forums over the past few months. This forum is the one that I continue to come back to because of the love and support that you ladies embrace each other with.

I have been trying not to bother people with the emotional roller coaster ride that I?m living through at the moment, but in this forum you ladies have shown me that you can just let out all your emotions and everyone totally understands the feelings each other is experiencing. I must admit that I have been crying and laughing with you ladies in silence for too long.

I come here with an open (but broken) heart. Like everyone here I lost my angel, to an ectopic pregnancy. The devastation is unbelievable. The doctors have given the green light to start trying again, but unfortunately we were unsuccessful this month (our first month trying again), which has started another flood of emotions. Poor DH.

Then I found out that my friend is pregnant and her baby is due the same week our baby was. You ladies have been talking about the ?ugly cry? this week. Well I?ve gotta tell you my poor DH copped the biggest ugly cry this week that I have ever done in public. I felt like Linda Blair on the Exorcist with my head trying to uncontrollably swing sideway while I?m making this horrific noise (and at times no noise just a huge open mouth), not to mention what my face must look like. It was this incident that has lead me here, because I know that I need the support of you ladies who understand where I?m at emotionally and to help me heal. I also want to support you girls too, because I believe that is part of my healing process.

Thanks for listening. Sorry my post turned into a short novel. I would just like to give you all a big :grouphug: for all your loses and the crazy times we are all going through.

Hi anneebee--:welcome: I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your angel baby and your fallopian tube. :hug: I'm glad, tho, that you found an open window to our little thread, and you've been able to see how understanding and supportive everyone is around here. I hope we can help you in finding some light at the end of the tunnel. It made me smile to read that you've been "crying and laughing with us in silence". It's kinda like you already know us! I look forward to getting to know you on this journey that brings us here together! :hug:

anneebee3 - welcome hun. I found the support of this thread a life-saver when I was TTC and even tho I am now pg I find it hard to leave and try to still support the girls as much as I can. The memory of what I emotionally went thru each month before my BFP finally came is still so raw and fresh in my memory. I don't think you ever forget the extreme desperation, frustration, anger, disappointment, hopelessness feelings associated with TTC, let alone enduring the loss of an angel before you were able to hold them in your arms. Not even what I said here adequately describes the feelings. I know about that horrible, horrible, horrible cry. I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry you needed to come here in the first place. I hope your time here is one of healing, stay as long as you need and then some. Big hugs sweet - we know what you are going thru.

Hi Jen. Here's a big :hug: straight back at ya. From all the posts I've been reading on this forum you surely are one of the rocks. You are always so positive and optomistic. I've noticed that the girls turn to you in need. You're a real treasure for this forum.

My first BIG crying session on this forum was for Ruthie. I really hope she's ok. Ruthie I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug:

I know that everyone is different, but i would like to know how long I will continue to mourn for my angel. It's been 3 months since I lost her and I can still cry at a drop of hat for her. Does it get better once I'm pregnant again or once I've got a baby in my arms or do I mourn for her for the rest of my life?

plc - Congratulations on your little girl and thank you for being here for me. Your post was very comforting. However understanding everyone is on this forum, i'm still glad you girls will never EVER see my ugly cry. hahaha. Can you answer my mourning question? Has being pregnant helped let go of your angels?

Ok.... well this my last post until Tuesday...... Wont be near the computer tomorrow and Monday is IUI day and then home to bed with a movie.....

anneebee3.....sorry to see you here but welcome..... I have to confess to laughing at your post... obviously not in a mean way... I was laughing at the way you discribed your Ugly cry... funny how I dont have a clue what you look like yet I can pitcure you doing it.. head back and forth.. it made me laugh..... I suppose thats one of the great things about us in here... we understand.. we dont underestimate how painful it is... but we can try and find something to soften the pain..... humour is the most common one that helps to soften... so is being there for others and knowing they are there for you..... So welcome.... I dont always laugh.....but you made me laugh today.

Welcome hun.. and hopefully you wont be here long :hug:

Ohhh and anneebee3.......... the fog will lift hun... I promise.... its ONE DAY AT A TIME..... ONE BREATH AT A TIME..... ONE MOMENT AT A TIME....then one day the fog will lift and you will be able to "be" a little easier......

Thank you Angel. I'm glad you are laughing today. Laughing is one of my favourite things to do. I've got a really loud, santa belly wobbling laugh, where I find myself leaning backwards holding my stomach. One of those laughs where you get weird looks from people because it's just too loud. I was told once by a work mate that said she always knew where I was in the office because she could hear me laughing.

I've also been told that laughing attracts angels into your life because angels love to be around joy and positivity. Now that I've got my own little angel up there I need to make sure I keep laughing so she will want to hang out with me every day. Come to think of it, laughing brought you (Angel) to me today, so it must be true. :)

Here's a big :hug: for Monday. I'll be thinking of you. Just in case it's true have a big laugh before you go to your appointment so that your little angels are with you and can help you.

Anneebee - Please excuse Jen. Apparently she didn't realise that not only is the window open to our thread, but the door is wide open too! Feel free to come in the door rather than trying to climb through the window ;) But you are totally right; Jen is our rock, and Angel is our God-send with her words. Well, they definitely were for me anyway. Then you have the rest of our gorgeous crew who act as the perfect backup. While I'm terribly sorry for the events that have led you to search for us, I am so very glad that you found us.

To answer your question about grieving time and if it gets better once you are pregnant again...? I think the grieving process is different for everyone. I am now lucky enough to have a baby growing in my belly, and yet a couple of days ago I still found myself weeping quietly for my angel baby. It doesn't mean I love this little bundle any less, but I still love the baby that I'll never get to hold in my arms, only in my heart. Lucky my heart is nice and big and there is plenty of room for both my angel baby, my little chyan, and for all the lovely girls in here :hug:

Good luck on your journey sweetie!


Oh and Jen, you had me cracking up with your "that's hot" comment!!! I had to tell DH why I was laughing! :ROFL:

PS. Telling my parents today! We were planning on waiting until after next friday's scan, but I don't think I can hide the morning sickness. They would have gotten suspicious when I don't go to work tomorrow too, lol. DH's family are getting told second as punishment for trying to spoil the surprise and being so suspicious already :ROFL: Also, it's the first grandchild for my family, and the 6th for DH's, so it's only fair that my family get the "surprise" first :)

Thank you KrystieLove. I was wondering about that window and how long I had to be part of this forum before I get a key to the door. ha ha ha. Only kidding Jen. I would happily climb through a dozen window to get to you girls.

Congratulations on your little bubba. Only 240 days until you get to hold your little one's hand. I'm so excited for you. I'm giving your little jelly bean a very soft :hug:

I totally understand what you said, I could never stop loving my first angel. Friends that haven't been through this type of loss can't really understand that I am in love my angel and that I fell in love instantly the moment I knew I was pregnant. Before I was pregnant, I never knew that I could be in love like that.

You're so blessed that you have that love right now. I just had a nice warm feeling in my chest when i thought how you must be feeling at this very moment. When you take a big breath in and you can feel the love just expanding your chest bigger and bigger. That's the feeling I'm searching for again .... what we're all searching for. My mama says it's the feeling of being content.

My wish today is that we can all have this feeling of being content again very very very soon.

anneebee3-:welcome: Just wanted to say BB is a wonderful place for friends and support. This place is a wonderful place to be at & have others to talk to & most def is a life saver. I'm sorry you lost your angel, I really hope you can find some comfort here with us ladies & you get your BFP soon & have a wonderful healthy pregnancy. I too have a friend that told me she was pregnant & due the same that my baby would have been due. And, All she said was I'm sorry & well atleast you know you can get pregnnat!!WTFH??? I was crying so bad because of it. Shes never had a loss or anything and its like how even though you not been through it before can you say that. She walked out the door after saying the whole"atleast we know you can get pregnant" thing, I started to cuzz behind the door I hope she heard me. I was like you hanis BISSSH.. lol. But I did say I was happy for her and congrated her.. :hug: Its never fun to see others pregnant sometimes expechally when they taunt it... I love when my friends are when there respectful with everything.But sometimes people arnt that way... I wish you luck sweets if you need anything your more than welcome to ask or vent if needed..

Krystie-OMG!.. Wow, Morning sickness?? I only had that once and only lasted 3 days. When that happend I knew something was wrong with my bubs I said to myself um dont I supposed to have this till my like 12th week??. I'm glad things are doing well. I'm suprised your family hasn't asked you yet with all the M/S. Mine usally knows before I say anything!..lol. :hug: I hope you have wonderful weekend darling..

anneebee - to answer ur question, i found it does get easier but it may be different in my circumstance. My 1st pg ended in the happy delivery of my DS. The subsequent pg's didn;t end happily so at those times I consoled myself by hugging my DS very close. It allowed me to mourn and heal very quickly. So the biggest hurdle for me was looking to the future but each month not getting pg. I still think of my angels and wonder what they would have been like. I guess when you do get pg and then have ur little one in ur arms, ur focus will be on the life of the child u hold and ur energies will be channelled more in that forward direction rather than the empty feelings of the past. Life is brighter with a child but I don;t think one can ever forget one's angels.

mollycat--Thanks so much for the e-mails! Keep 'em coming, they're great! That restaurant in China is probably where my DF would want to take me to eat! I've saved it to show him, but I can already hear him saying "Now that's what I'm talking about!" :rolleyes:

Thinking of you and your family... :hug:



anneebee--Ok, ok, I see you're already ganging up on me with Krysite (that's usually Angel's job!). Ok, let me clarify....I only said open window because you said you had been lurking.... laughing and crying with us... so I thought metaphorically speaking that it was like you were looking thru a window into our little thread.... so :p lol... The door was always open, you came in when you made your first post! ;) Apparently Krystie's been sharing her smart arse pills with you already... Pill Girl, how many times do I need to tell you that it's not ok to share your pills with the newbies!! Two smart arses are hard enough for me to deal with without having to worry about you corrupting the newbies! :lol:

I do have to admit that you paid me a veeeerrryy nice compliment before you took those pills! I appreciate it.... the girls here are what got me thru, and continue to get me thru, so it's the least I can do! It's very cathartic feeling like I'm helping someone else thru their grief after all the support I've gotten thru my grief. In answer to your question regarding mourning, and how long it takes... it's different for everyone. I found that the only way I could deal with it was to just completely shut my mind off to it... I just can't think about it. There's times thru the day where if I let myself think about it at all, I would just break down--so I don't. I can talk about it with other people. There's a girl that's been working in the book fair with me that also had 4 m/c's, so we've been talking... and I just found out yesterday that one of the teachers is pg--and I'm ok with it... she deserves it and I'm happy for her. So I think in some ways I'm dealing pretty well. My first 3 m/c's were with my DS1's dad, who unfortunately passed away, but not while we were together. I was already with DF and had DS2.... but I know what you mean about mourning the earlier angels.... while of course I'm still sad about then, it was a lifetime ago that was when I was with another person.... so my last m/c was a big shock since I had already had a full-term pg'cy with no complications, it was just completely unexpected and has had a much bigger impact on me than the first 3. Now that I know laughing attracts angels, I'll have to make it a point to laugh more so that my angels want to hang around me, as well! :hug:



Krystie--I see you took your smart arse pills yesterday! Are you sure you're allowed to take those things when you're pg???? You're supposed to break stash and share with ME not the newbies!

Ooh, how exciting to be telling your parents! :dance:

Now, under normal circumstances it wouldn't be a difficult feat to have more brain cells than Paris Hilton.... but to have more brain cells at less than 6 weeks old!?!? That's quite an accomplishment! Little Chyan, smart girls rock!! :hug:

Jen: POAS! POAS!! Sheesh, don't make me beg more. How the heck are you holding out?!

KL & JOEY: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! Oh my! So happy guys!! :hug:

Well hello there tut! :hug: I'm not going to POAS, my temps aren't behaving! They're too low to be BFP temps.... :( Not going to bother wasting the money and having to see that BFN--I'll just wait it out 'till AF shows.

OMG, I just can't believe you're 11 weeks already!! How's that m/s treating you? :stickyvibesgirl: :stickyvibesboy:

Oh, see, I was chart stalking and just getting over excited. Darn it. I really should just calm on down. But can I secretly quietly keep my fingers crossed for you? Pleeeeease? I will anyways. Hehe.

M/S is ok. The steroids seem to be doing the trick so far, am still cutting them down because you can't stay on them for long (I think you can get roid rage.... hehe), so the test will be how I am off them. I am eating my weight in food, though. Plus a little extra. But our fridge is broken so it's been my mothers food I've been eating. Hehe. Yay having mum live nest door.

OMG..... so sorry, Babyfever..... wishing you a belated :happybirthday: Sorry this comes to you a little late! I hope you had a great day! :hug: