TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ Dec 07/Jan 08

tempus, I can totally relate to that feeling, I am 2 mths away from my due date with the bub I lost, I so hoped i would be pg by now, but as you say, I am also bloody terrified, I keep telling myself that its posible to have a healthy baby, then i read about these others who have hd 2, 3, sometimes more and I wonder how they do it, but the hope is life and life is hope, I think i am babbling now, but I hope you know what i mean.
anyway, hello everyone, there are so many newbies here now!! welcome to you all, I hope your stay is short, we had such a big clear out of ladies late last year, I think we are due for another run of BFPS!!!
BABYHOPES, i AM THINKING OF YOU AND AM SENDING YOU THE STICKIEST OF STICKY VIBES!!!
good luck to everyone in the tww, fingers crossed for us all.
xxx

Welcome nickster

Hope '08 is going to be your year. I'm reasonably new in here too. Joined Oct last year but DH and I took a break to do some tests but are ready to ttc again as of now. You've come to the right place for support, it's so great to talk to people who actually know how you feel.

Good luck & hope to see :bfp: beside your name soon.

Tempus I totally understand what you mean about being afraid of m/c again.
I am pretty damn sure I will be an absolute nervous wreck if I am pg again, may as well reserve my seat at the doctors now.
I'm moving from Toowoomba back to my home town of Melbourne, I think once I am settled into new house and DD is settled in Kindy, DP and I will try again.
Starry I understand what you mean, with hope we all endure and gather strength to try again, this echoes through out all things in our lives.
*Fingers Crossed* for everyone trying this month.
...Laura

:hello:Thanks Laura,AJC and Angel Babies for the lovely welcome- and 'Hi' to everyone else! I'm so relieved to find people who really relate to what's happened. My DH is brilliant and supportive, and I know he was as shocked and upset as me when we m/c, but I'm sure he thinks I've become a bit obsessive TTC. He's off work today, unwell and been feeling rough over the weekend, but I still woke him up last night for bd!! I've been having (severe) hot flushes etc & although I obviously haven't had af yet I'm watching all the signs- obsessively haha! :wall:
It's madness isn't it, that our whole lives now seem to revolve around this, and how much notice I now take of my body (and his- I've banned him from using the laptop in case it warms his swimmers up! and keep dosing him up with bananas and iron-rich veg/steak etc) He's taking it all in good humour tho, and says 'there's nothing wrong with wanting something, especially when you've lost something already.' He's probably hoping we'll conceive quickly so he can have a rest as much as anything else!

Good luck to us all, hoping it'll be a short stay here for everyone xx
wishing, wishing, wishing,,,,,,,!:goodluck::pray:

I can so relate. Hubby now sits his laptop to the left hand side of him when he is sitting on the couch. Its not allowed on his lap. His Mobile phone is not allowed in the pocket of his pants. Smokes were cut out TOTALLY 6 months ago and Coffee has been reduced to about 1 or 2 cups. That still might sound like a lot to some people but trust me, we own our own business and are work a holics, we survived on coffee and smokes. 6 months ago we only ate one meal a day and the rest was coffee and cigs. OH BOY HAS THAT CHANGED.

As for the BD :dance: I decided last night that I would not discuss it. I thought about it a bit and I could be totaly wrong, its happened before, but what pressure. DH its time to perform now come here. Ohhh the thought of it stressed me out when I put myself in his shoes. So I have it figured. Lets go for once a week and then on the "special" week he might get an extra one or two or three.... who knows. lol

I started talking to him about days of the month etc last night and its as if the colour just drained out of his face.

I know that theory doesnt relate to our next IVF cycle but at this stage that wont be until about May or June and until then the attempts naturally will at least be enjoyable :p

He still swears that if the day ever comes where we decide that we are not going to continue TTC then he s going straight out and buying a packet of smokes.

nicksterUK: not sure how I missed your post last time I was on, but just wanted to say welcome, and I'm sorry for your loss--and on Christmas Eve of all times. Makes it doubly painful. I'll be praying for you for a happy ending. BTW, I thought laptops were "Better" than regular computers??? But I could be wrong. I limit myself to about 2 hours a day.

STARRYSKY: I try to commemorate the angelversaries (a word I learned here). I find it helps. I didn't keep track of my EDD's--just didn't think about it.

AJC: welcome to you, too. Good luck and I'll be praying for you at this difficult time.

ll80: When do you move? Sounds exciting--good luck.

Angel Babies: I don't carry my cell or cordless in my pocket anymore, either. But I can relate to how wearing it is to love on demand. We had trouble conceiving with our first and had to time it and it's a real romance drainer. Since then, we fall preg fairly easily, it's just holding them that's been the problem. Good luck!

Tempus, Moving by the end of the month, which is creeping up all to quickly and I am no where near prepared enough yet.
Probably a week behind now, but not to worry, these things can't be avoided and in the big scheme of things it's not that big of a deal, get there in the end.

I haven't quite jumped on the TTC wagon yet but DP bugs me at the best of times, I don't think I will have too much trouble convincing him that we need to go for it a few extra times. I'll have my hands full keeping him off so that he can build up a good supply of the suckers.

..Laura

It's difficult to strike that balance - TTC whilst maintaining that closeness/loving intimacy that DH and I both need. I certainly don't want it all to turn into calender watching, I want to have fun too!:lol: He hasn't yet started rolling his eyes when I say I'm off to bed (with a knowing nod, or wink) so that's good.

Feeling a bit nervous about af arriving, whenever that might happen as I'm sure I'll be desperately disappointed since I really, really want to 'fall' asap- don't we all? I know, sorry...At least when af does actually arrive I'll know that my body is returning to normal- although apparently there's often a chance that there won't be an egg for a few cycles. Just a few hurdles to combat then?!!

i'm off to bed now, may drag DH upstairs but he's back to work tomorrow so maybe not (he needs his zzzzzz's). It seems odd that I'm going to bed and most of you ladies are all up and about, so I'll wish you a lovely (probably sunny) day (it's been a sunny, crisp, but very cold day here and we had a lovely walk earlier, all wrapped up)
Night night for now xx

Magda- so sorry for your loss, I'm sure you must be feeling very raw still x I didn't have a d&c with my m/c in December- it was a complete m/c at home (I was 11 weeks). The event itself lasted about 5 hours, then the following day very heavy bleeding/clotting (apologies for TMI) with cramps. I guess I bled, with cramps for a good 10 days after (some days lighter, others really quite heavy). In the end I felt so drained I saw my GP who put me on Tranexamic Acid tablets for 4 days, to stop the bleeding. They worked a treat and I already feel that my hormones and body are returning to a state of 'normality.' Emotionally the fact that the bleeding finally stopped allowed me to visit the bathroom without dread- in fact, it was a pleasure to simply pee! Lol xx
Hope this is useful- i'm awaiting af and have no idea when that will happen- if it's 5-7 weeks after m/c like they say it'll be end of this month. Best Wishes, Nic

Had no idea what an anxious wait it would become for me this month. Saw ob'gyn a week ago and he gave us go ahead to ttc again. Was fine with that as was expecting him to tell us to wait until march (not sure why) to ttc again. He looked at my last two charts and made comment that my luteal phase was only around 11 days. So here I am 14dpo still with high temps. Did a test this morn but was negative. Don't feel pg but don't feel like af is coming either?!?! Very confused. Weren't really trying this month as we were waiting until we saw doc to get some final results (which were all normal apart from uterine polyp which was removed during hysteroscopy in Nov).

Have been having wisdom teeth problems so perhaps that explains the high temps - af probably just around the corner. Glad I've made it to 14dpo though as I know short luteal phase is not always but sign but doesn't help.

have a good day everyone!

Hi Everyone and welcome to all the newbies - I hope you stay is a short one. I hope you are all having a good day. I am off to the Ob this afternoon for my 6 week follow up after my D&C - armed with my list of questions. I thought I had AF last week but now not so sure. I have had bleeding on and off for the last 6 weeks - last week was much heavier so may have been AF. I have started spotting again the last couple of days so who knows what is happening. I hope my Ob has some answers for me.

Good luck to everyone and I hope we get to hear your good news soon.

kg good luck with your app

Hi Everyone
I am new at this but i thought that i would drop be for some friendly advice. I am eager to start trying for another baby as i have had two miscarriages in the past 12 months. I have a daughter to a previous partner and alos miscarried with him. I am now married to a wonderful man and we want to complete our family, we both have a child each to previous partners they are 3 and 4. It was very heart breaking to have 2 miscarriages in a row as we both want to complete our family. Has anyone gone any advice in regards to helping us. We have lost both our babies between 5 and a half weeks and 6 and a half weeks. Our Doctor has said that he will run tests if we lose another baby but i am not if i can go through that again. Any help
Trac

Trac - hi and welcome to BB, i know what you mean , i have 4 children to my ex 9 months ago i married a wonderful man and he has no children, so we really want to have a child before we get to old i had 4 M/C with my ex and have not long M/C with my DH, we so much want to complete our family to. I to have lost my angles at about 6 weeks , doc cannot find any reason. Have you ever done a chart , taking your temp i chart with Fertility friend, wishing you good luck with TTC.

Trac - welcome. Am sure you will find some good support and advice in here. DH and I have been through 2 miscarriages within 12 months, most recently in Oct. Doc offered to do some tests for us so we decided to do that and take a break from ttc for a while. Did heaps of tests and the only thing that was abnormal was a uterine polyp which was removed. Other than that everything is fine. Doc told us that he hasn't seen a couple like us yet that don't end up with a healthy baby - he would not give us false hope. Given that you have carried to term before I would imagine your odds would be even better. Not saying that you should have tests done but if you want to then I would push the issue a little more - we had tests just because we wanted to have a little more peace of mind before we ttc again. I was really scared about ttc the second time and for good reason but this time I am really excited about it and am hoping that's a good sign.

I would recommend same as betty boop - charting is an excellent way to 'take control' of your cycle. It can tell you alot about your cycle. Fertility friend is a great way to keep track of that. I also take Blackmores pre-conception Gold and make sure I eat well (lots of organic fruit & veg) and exercise most days. I've cut coffee completely and have given up the vino (had a few glasses over Christmas though). Staying positive and relaxed (probably one of the hardest things to do) is also an important thing - I go to the beauty place twice a month for massages and pedicures just to spoil myself and feel good.

Good luck and I hope to see you in the 'pregnancy after miscarriage loss' thread:grouphug:

AJC- the days feel like weeks and the weeks feel like months don't they? it's like time stands still while we wait...and wait...and wait.

Hope you're all having a lovely day- cos I'm low and need serious 'giggle matter' to cheer me up...
Got af today- took me completely by surprise so promptly burst into tears:( It explains the hot flushes I've been having the past few days. It's the first one since m/c so going to have to wait even longer now to get pg. Feel so disappointed- DH went off to work in a bad mood early this morning (he doesn't know about af yet)- we were grumpy with each other last night and I ended up on the sofa watching crummy TV.
So, here I am feeling like a rubbish wife and useless egg-producer. Oh, and just to top it all my boss rang to tell me that the interfering busy body at work has implemented some changes on my behalf and he 'thought he should let me know' cos he thinks they're 'excellent' so I guess I'm also surplus to requirements at work now (I'm a teacher with Dept responsibilities- well, had Dept reponsibilities till she seems to have taken over) GGgggggggrrrrrrrrrrrr!! Wait till I get back next week :wall:
Please cheer me up- otherwise I'm going to have to resort to chocolate, or cake, or both!! (oooh, and a lovely glass of wine...) lol
Thanks for the rant, I feel a bit better actually, now, where did I hide the chocolate? xx

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cake, we can have half each, one of my many food weaknesses :)
you better be quick though or your half may be slightly smaller.

I hate it when everything seems to go down the sh%tter all at once, happening on my end as well.

It is a comfort to know there is always cake.

..Laura

I feel like telling you off...... Actually I will...... Whats with this "useless egg producer" stuff....... Put your hand out cause I m gonna smack it. I doubt thats how your DH feels and I know you deffinately shouldnt feel that way.

In our situation it is DH that has swimmers that tend to swim backwards or float but none of them are champion swimmers BUT there is absolutely no blame on him and I do not have a negative or bad thought. What I do have is sorrow FOR him because he is probably just like you....ln blaming yourself.

Ok..... well I didnt say it would be a big telling off but consider yourself told.

Now if AF turned up today....no wonder you and DH had a grumpy attack last night...... goodness my DH can see the steam coming out of my ears the day before AF visits me.


Now as for AF......... I m looking forward to her visit. As with yourself, mine will be the first since the loss of my angel babies. To me it will mean the beginning. At the moment I m in a holding pattern until then. When it happens I will know that I m back on my cycle and ready to start again. I m not expecting AF for at least another 2 weeks but i will be very happy when she arrives.

Now I hope since you posted you have found your chocolate, drowned your sorrows in yummy rich chocolate and are ready to keep going..... If your anything like me when AF arrives.... DH is probably scared to come home :lol:

Thanks Laura and Angel Babies! I hate feeling this way, and hate seeing people wallowing too, so I did (do) need a kick! I got busy to keep my mind off cake and chocolate- emailed a load of stuff into work so that they see I'm actually working and on the ball, also emailed DH asking him to ring me if he could- which he did, so told him about af (which, like you he says is positive) and forgives my grumpiness. He's going to try to get home early tonight :-) We teach at the same school so we'll be able to have a shared moan about certain colleagues later.

Thank you once again, long live chocolate, cake,,, and Chocolate Cake! I prescribe it to all of us, with big hugs xx

Nickster - go for that chocolate! If it will make you feel better, go for it. Please do not feel like a useless anything, it is just the hormones talking. Maybe DH is feeling like a useless seed producer, so maybe that is why he is grumpy, nothing to do with you. As for the AF arriving, it may be a GOOD thing. I have just had my first doctor checkup after my mc, and my doctor told me that the chance of miscarrying again is higher if you do not wait at all. I am still not sure if I believe that, if I had a bum egg, then the probability I will get another bad one is the same this month or in 3 months. But it must be good to let your body heal some more, you will be stronger next month and more ready for this. AF is not the end, it is the beggining of a new cycle, time to start again.

Trac - maybe you can look for a second opinion? I know that the doctors want to wait until 3 mc, but if you feel too scared to try again... I only had one mc, but I am 40, so my doctor wants to run all the tests now, on the account that I do not have time for 3 trials. I do not know how old you are, but maybe if you push, they will run the tests for you now too? Obviously it is not some hard in stone rule. I would explain to the doctor that there will be no 3rd anything if you do not get the tests now because you cannot handle it mentally. Charting is a good idea too, will let you understand more about your cycle. I think if you have problems with progesterone levels for instance, you will be actually able to see that in the temperature charts.

Ok...... very good........ Now if i every go on a rant like you did saying things like that, I expect you to tell me off and throw some chocolate mud cake my way..... make sure its nice and soft and fresh with that really yummy icing. :dance:

Angel Babies- it's a deal!:clap:

Luna- thanks, I know you are absolutely right. DH said the same sort of thing. I'm outnumbered x

Trac- Hi, and welcome. i hope you find some of the answers that you need. I'm in a similar situation to you regarding the fact that I have children from my previous marriage (aged 13 and 14) but am newly married and would dearly love to share a child with DH. I had my m/c quite recently, and pray that I never, ever have to go through it again. But it's a risk we seem prepared to take when we make that decision to go through with this. It's all or nothing isn't it, however daunting/terrifying. I wish you the very best of luck:goodluck:

hey Laura- did you get some cake? You made me laugh, thanks.

Nickster, I sure did, just so happened that I made one earlier in the afternoon so I ate some before bed, very naughty, and some this morning for breakfast
I am a bit of a cake fiend, demon actually.
Cake is the first thing I turn to when down, then alcohol.
Bad Bad girl I am told.

I have my first doctor appt. today after the m/c, I bet I am going to have to do a blood test to check my iron and heamoglobin levels, I am still bruised and sore from hospital, really don't feel like being a pin cushion again.
Physically I am feeling better though so should go okay.

..Laura

Hi Everyone
I would like to thank bettyboo, AJC, Luna and nicksterUK for there advice on my situation.
Luna - I am 34 years of age. I know that it is realitve young these days but as my youngest daughter is 4 i was hoping that we could have a baby close to her age but i guess you cna never make plans when it comes to babies.
AJC and bettyboo - as i am new to this could you please explain how to take control of your cycle?

Has anyone been to a natruopath to help conceive?

My last prgnancy i showed great signs and felt really positive withon myself and the miscarriage came as a huge shock. IS it possible that i am not able to carry boys and is there a test that they can do to find this out?

Just a thought.

Well as we are really eager to start trying we are hoping that we will have success next time round but i need to try and not focus on it......easier said than done when it is something you want desperately.

Thanks again to everyone and have a great day
Trac
PS nicksterUK i noticed you got married in August 2007 so did i what date? Mine was the 25th...

Trac73: so sorry for your loss, but welcome here. besides charting, you'll want to have your doctor check you out for the various conditions. There's a thread here on bellybelly about the tests you should have for recurrent MC. I'll keep you in my prayers.

nicksterUK: sorry and sending you a cyberhug and a big piece of cyberchococake (yeah, yeah, no such word. so sue me LOL!)

hi nicksteruk .
hi to everyone else, so annoyed hos app has not arrived, do you think i should ring them or is it being pushy?

betty - not pushy at all. do what you need to do.

ladies all this talk about chocolate cake is going to send me straight off my diet. but well worth it

Trac..... we are actually starting with natruopath. We have gone through all the specifics with them and they are working out our herbs. Apparently they tast like s@@t but hey.... I m not a fan of needles and i put up with them with IVF.

My way of looking at it is that if it doesnt work then at least I ve gotten a lot healthier than I was.

We are going to stay on it and if nothing happens by May or June then we will look at ICIS again.

Hi Ladies,

I have been reading your posts for the last few months but have only had the courage to write for the 1st time today.

I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks quite a few years ago, that pregnancy wasnt planned and my DH and I decided to wait a few years before we tried again. We now have a 2 year old daughter and desperately want another baby. We tried for 15 months with no luck (I was charting my temps and using OPK's but each month AF reared her ugly head!!! I finally decided to take a break from TTC and see how we go. Wouldnt you know it I got my BFP the first month of not trying. We were totally stoked that it had finally happend. It felt like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders that we didnt have to go through months and months of TTC and getting disappointed each time AF arrived.

I had terrible morning sickness but I took this as a good sign that my pregnancy was healthy. We went for our 12 week scan and to our devastation our bub had no heartbeat, I'd had previous scans at 7 and 9 weeks (coz of previous miscarriage) and everything seemed fine. They said our baby had died at 11 wks. I couldnt believe it had happened to me again. You miscarry once and you have so many people telling you that it wont happen again but sure enough it can.

I had to have a D & C and finally AF arrived again 12 weeks after (what a long wait that was). We decided to try again straight away and have now been trying for 6 months with no success!!!

I just wanted to say that I am so glad to be able to share my story with people who know what I have been through, none of my friends have been through this and they dont understand what it is like.

You ladies are an inspiration to me and I love reading your stories. I get excited everytime I read on here that someone finally got their BFP, it gives me hope and makes me belive that I too will get my long awaited BFP!!!

Sorry my story is so long.

hi Leigh , great to hear your story , sorry to hear of your loss, It has been 12 weeks since my D&C hope my AF arrives soon like yours did.

Hi Bettyboop,

Hopefully your AF will arrive soon. I'm sorry for your loss last year as well!! How long did AF take to arrive after your other losses?

I'm due to ovulate on the weekend but DH will be away so i am a bit upset and annoyed about that, we'll still BD as much as we can while he is home but I'm not confident it will happen this month. My DH has just started a new job a few months ago and works sooo many hours so we find it hard to make time to BD.

Leigh..... Welcome.... I wish no one ever had to welcome someone to this thread but thats the world we live in and thats the reality of it. So Welcome.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, my babies both went to heaven 2 weeks ago. That is the greatest fear. Getting BFP and miscarrying again. I know there are many of women in here who have and they continue on so I m sure that IF, which obviously we all wish it wasnt, but IF it does, then I know that everyone in here will be here to help me get through it just as they have this time.

So welcome to this thread and I your success is a fast one just as I wish that for everyone in here.

Hi Angel Babies,

Thank you for welcoming me.

I am so very, very sorry for your losses and I too hope that none of us have to go through this again. It is great though to have a thread like this where we can talk about our situations and know we have support.

Welcome Leigh, I hope your stay here is a short one and you get yourself up the duff asap.

..Laura

Thanks Laura, I'm so sorry for your loss:hug: and I hope your stay here is short as well.

Welcome Leigh :hello: I'm so sorry that you have had such a rough time, I hope you find comfort and support here. I do!

I reckon you should get jiggy with DH just before he goes away this wkend- sperm can stay active for up to 7 days, but the egg is only viable for 24 hours, Get the swimmers going on their journey and hopefully when the egg releases at the wkend it'll have a lovely welcoming committee already in place :dance: The best time to bd is just before, not at, ovulation.

Have fun ;-) Good Luck x And good Luck to everyone else getting jiggy too :goodluck: I can't boo hoo- damn af!

Ladies, I'm feeling much better than yesterday- managed to get hold of my boss (not literally) and get things straightened out. The interfering busy body has been put firmly back in her place. Ha ha, Sorry- but she is such a pain! No need for cake today xx

Nickster..... I do love the way you put things..... my theory is whenever you get the chance to get jiggy with hubby if its not going to put a damper on dates then :dance:

Glad your better today..... but hey.... dont ever say there is no need for cake.... there is and will aways be a need for cake every single day. ALWAYS.... if not then we will just have to have some in preporation for when their might be a need

BettyBoop- ring them! we spend all our time 'waiting' (for af, o, DH, TWW, tests etc) that it makes sense to get things moving quickly if there is something we can do- like make a phone call. I'm sure they won't mind and it will set your mind at rest x

Trac- Wow, I'm 34 too but got married on 3rd August, not 25th.

Laura- you made a cake?! I'm so jealous! Don't you ladies start blaming me if you all get the munchies- blame it on cravings instead (regardless if we're pg or not!)

Tempus Morien- cyberchoc cake is THE BEST! No calories x Thanks

Have a great day all :D

Angel babies- wholeheartedly agree- we all need a pick-me-up.
Have a good day, am off to do shopping (yuk)..and guess what? Will defo buy cake
x

Welcome Leigh - sorry to hear about your little angel bubs - wishing you all the luck in the world!:hug:

Trac - temping is the best thing I have ever done since we've been ttc. Just buy a basal body temp thermometer & take your temp at the same time each day. It will tell you soooo much about your cycle - the most important thing is it will tell you when you ovulate so you can time bd (although I do see we have a new term in here) sorry shall I say you'll know the 'right' time to get jiggy with DH. It can also unlock a few things about your hormones (ie: if your lutel phase is too short). my ob/gyn recommended that I started to temp and it's the best thing we've ever done. After m/c # 1 we tried for 6 months, just bd'ing when we thought was the right time - I was starting to get really frustrated and bought a bbt therm. At first I thought the temp thing was a bit of an old wives tale but we fell pg second month temping. Highly recommend it.

I also bought a maybe baby - it's a little miscroscope (small can fit in your pocket) and you put saliva on it each morning. When you are about to ovulate it can create a ferning pattern. I didn't find maybe baby too helpful (plus it's about $60 to buy compared to about $12 for bbt th) but if you use in conjunction with bbt it's ok. I wouldn't invest in one just yet - see how you go with the bbt first.

You can also check your cervical mucous - it's mean to be like egg white when you are most fertile. I don't find this really works for me so I don't bother with this but you might want to google it or ask some of the other ladies.

The thing I like most is the bbt method, saves you a fortune in pg tests and thre absolute best thing is that 18 high temps after you ovulate is good indication you are pg. I don't know about you but that single lonely pink line is one of the most gutting sights in the world - I just couldn't keep doing it to myself each month.

Anyway I've babbled on heaps - hope everyone is well and doing their best for a BFP this month. I was most pleased to see af this morn (as last month we weren't allowed to try until got some post m/c results back) so this month is it - we're officially ttcing again. Don't ask me why I'm most excited because I'll be all down in the dumps if af appears in another 32 days. On the other hand - DH is most excited about the hectic bd schedule I have planned, he he he!:dance:

Good night