TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ January 08

Well I did what I said I wasnt going to do, I went and brought some pregnancy tests..... 6 to be exact..... just to be conclusive. Then I tested myself yesterday with a BFN. I woke up this morning took my temp, Drop from 36.7 to 36.0 in one day...... thought hmmmm thats a big drop... maybe... just maybe..... Did another pg test anyway.... another BFN!

This afternoon...... knock knock on the door. AF here for a visit.

Well I must say that I m alright with it all. I know that I could be in a more frustrating position as some of you are. I know that to have AF 1 month to the day after loosing my second angel is my system putting itself back on track pretty quickly.

So I m not going to get myself upset, I m quite fine with it all. The signs were all there that it would have been a BFP but it wasnt to be. It was the first cycle after loosing my babies and my body is now sorted itself out.

On a further positive note. All my herbs turned up last night as well. So now I have 6 weeks worth of this ummmm "lovely" drink. Once in the morning and once in the evening. So lets just look at the last few weeks as being practice. I know how to chart now, I know what various things mean, I have my little programe thing that makes it easier and I m starting a new cycle with my herbs and my little bits and pieces.

Heres to a BFP this time next month!

Bettyboop: :hugs:

Angel Babies: Good luck for your first official month TTC. I fell pg on the second full month temping so hoping you get a BFP real soon (first full month temping would be brilliant!!!). Is our first month back on the TTC roller coaster again this month. Love the poem, so true. I have a little list of what I call my 'positive tunes' and they're just songs that make me feel really positive about the future. I have them playing softly into my ears each morning when I walk and I found it really helps me with the emotional side of things. I also have a song which I play to remind me of my angel babies, I played it over and over at first but now not so much, it's a Celine Dion song called 'Goodbye's {The Saddest Word}' - not ashamed to admit I'm a fan, I think she's gorgeous. The words are very strong. It's a sad song but it also makes me look forward to the bond I will share when I do have a healthy baby in my arms one day....
***
'Goodbye's {The Saddest Word}'
Mamma
You gave life to me
Turned a baby into a lady

Mamma
All you had to offer
Was the promise of a lifetime of love

Now I know
There is no other
Love like a mother's love for her child

And I know
A love so complete
Someday must leave
Must say goodbye

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

Mamma
You gave love to me
Turned a young one into a woman

Mamma
All I ever needed
Was a guarantee of you loving me

'Cause I know
There is no other
Love like a mother's love for her child

And it hurts so
That something so strong
Someday will be gone, must say goodbye

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

But the love you gave me will always live
You'll always be there every time I fall
You are to me the greatest love of all
You take my weakness and you make me strong
And I will always love you 'til forever comes

And when you need me
I'll be there for you always
I'll be there your whole life through
I'll be there this I promise you, Mamma

Mamma, I'll be
I'll be your beacon through the darkest nights
I'll be the wings that guide your broken flight
I'll be your shelter through the raging storm
And I will love you 'till forever comes

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

'Till we meet again...
Until then...
Goodbye
***

Does anyone else have any songs that they have used to cope or they use for inspiration?

Goodnight everyone - have a good weekend.:)

Okay going out on a limb here - and this is embarrassing....but one of my songs that makes me think of my baby and what has happened - is The Dance by Garth Brooks. I am not a Country fan but I lived in the US for a year when I was 18 and a lot of my friends like Garth. Even though I wasn't really into it, I did love this song. And now it really has great meaning to me. It is all about accepting that in order to avoid pain (break up etc) you would have had to miss the great moments. There is another one called Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye by Chantal Kreviazuk. I love sad songs.

I have a distince feeling AF is on its way - I just wish it would hurry up. Today is CD28.

Angel Babies - I am glad you feel you are doing some positive things - certainly sounds like you are getting a good programme happening. What herbs are you taking?

I think I m going to put in an obvious one here. Fly by Celine Dion. But the words are just "made" for our babies.

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this memory bittersweet
Until we meet
Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light

Other than that I have put quite few poems on the angelbabies web site. They are ones that have helped me during my hours and hours of searching the internet.... i suppose searching for an answer I never found. BUT I did find some beautiful poems.

I will share this one with you.... I wrote this myself.


Cameron Azrael & Krystal Sariel

We?ll never get to hold you,
Or look upon your face.
We?ll never get to show you,
Our love through our embrace.

We?ll never have the feeling,
Of you calling out to us.
We?ll never know the feeling,
Of you looking up to us.

Why you were taken away from us ,
We?ll never really know.
We look around for a sign,
As to why you weren?t to grow.

There is nothing we can do right now
Our minds are an absolute mess.
There is confusion, sadness, sorry,
And anger I must confess.

Our tears can not bring you back,
Back into our world.
You are gone from us on this plain
We?ll meet again I know.

So until that time I ll say to you,
And you must listen to your mummy.
Watch out for us when we come one day,
Your mummy and your daddy.

That one I wrote, the others on the site i DID NOT write but they are beautiful. I still read them with a tear as I remember my babies.

I have to say. Most days I am at the stage where I can remember them without the aganising pain. It was a month ago yesterday and then a month ago today. I miss them I still get sad but but the anger has softened the deep breathtaking pain has weakened.

There is a bereavement site over in the US. I contacted them a few weeks ago and they made bracelets for my babies. They arrived yesterday. It has their Birthstones on them, the names I gave them along with some pearls, crystals and charms. They arent real gold and they arent high quality that will last if I wore them every day but its comforting wearing them at the moment.

It is still a rollercoaster, up one minuted down the next..... but overall I have more up now...... thank god!

Well AF arrived today - just like I predicted. I am actually okay with it, as it today was CD29 - so bang on time. At least it means my cycle looks like it is getting back to some sort of normal. I am hoping next month will be our month. DH and I both have our birthdays in Feb so what a wonderful present it would be.

Hi Everybody!

Like Laura, I am so pleased that January is finally over. It was a really sh*tty month and a bit of a struggle to get through. I was so convinced that AF would arrive on 1st Feb, that it came as a bit of a shock when she didnt. I am a bit confused because I have had mild cramps for the last 4 days now. Also, my temp was 36.4 when I started temping (admittedly, not that long ago), but for the last 3 days it has been 36.7... A sure sign that AF is due?? Maybe I bled so much at the beginning of the month, I cant possibly lose anymore? ;)

When I got up this morning, everything was covered in a fine layer of glistening snow!! It was so beautiful, but by the time I had been to a step class and back, it had all gone. The last time it snowed, DH and I were in the hospital after the m/c and we were watching a security man build a snowman out in the carpark.

Angelbabies, I liked your poem. You sound very optomistic, I hope that the herbs are helpful. Do they taste yucky?
Laura, did you get a car? I hate car shopping too, we got ours between Xmas and New Year, but thankfully DH liked the first one we came accross, so we bought it.

Is there anybody else waiting to POAS after Sami?

Betty B, don't know what to say other than thinking of you and sorry that you are still waiting. If you need to vent, you know where we are.:grouphug:

I'm off to try out my new bike, although I'm still p*ssed off that the last one was pinched, I cant help being excited about the new one!
Take Care everyone.

Happy groundhog's day! In case you don't know what that is, on February 2, the groundhog Punxatawny Phil from Hobbler's Nob, Pennsylvania checks for his shadow. If he sees it, then six more weeks of winter. If he doesn't, then spring is just around the corner. He saw it, unfortunately.
(I've heard there's a crab in Atlantic City, New Jersey who predicts the weather, too, but obviously he's just a cheap Phil rip-off)

nicksterUK: no! not the laptop! but at least you can still post

ll80: maybe your masters degree is meant to be--and the universe is taking care of it for you? Good luck with the new car thing, too

Angel Babies and Katiegirl: sorry about AF, but you sound like you both have a real good attitude about it.

Do any of you ladies

Well I am going to give myself a big pat on the back. I just had a client of mine come in with her newborn and I proceeded to design the interior of her house for her as she walked around breast feeding it. I couldnt bring myself to talk about her baby which im sure she would have felt strange about because with such a tiny baby i m sure it is the constant point of conversation with people around her......... But I did it!!!!!!! I constantly felt the twinges inside that wanted to just scream out about how unfair everything is but I kept them under control Now considering AF is currently visiting, my emotions were kept together....... Good On Me!

As for AF..... Ohhhh goodness..... she s not here for a visit..... she s here for a spring clean! I have NEVER been so emotional or so heavy..... has anyone else experienced such a change in the first AF after m/c.

With my herb,I m not sure whats actually in them. They are chinese herbs and the taste like ..... ummmmm ..... ummmmmmmm CHIT!....... I bascially take it, then quickly before even taking another breath i eat something or drink something. I m not complaining though. Having just finished an IVF cycle where you are having injections every day.... I can live with 5ml twice daily of a yucky drink.

Well thats it for me, hope every one is having a great weekend, I m at work at the moment but taking 5 to keep myself together after a complete design... (couple of hours)... with newborn in toe.

Good On Me!:clap::clap::clap:

good on ya AngelBabies, I'm happy for you!!

I haven't had af yet after the m/c so I can't help you there, if I do get it at the normal "regular" time I would get it sometime this week.

Sadly no car as yet, DP still wants to look at a couple more.. grrr.

Hope you all had agood weekend..
I have been cooking up a storm, so much for being good.
BUT I did go for a huge walk with the dog and plan on doing that everyday!

..Laura

I found the words to this song a while ago. It was recommended to me. I read the words and thought.... ohhh sweet. Then didnt think much more about it. Last night I was downloading some songs on itunes. I decided to do a search for this song. It wasnt until I played the actual song that the penny dropped. Its an unborn baby in his mums tummy singing it, before he passes and goes to heaven. Highly Highly recommend you all try and listen to it... not sure you may be able to find it somewhere online.

My Name
Performed by George Canyon


It?s cold in here feels like everything?s upside down
I can feel you talking but I can barely make out the sound
I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year
I?m gonna change this world if I ever get out of here
She wants to dress me in pink, paints my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself, because only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Haven?t learned any fear any pain
It?s kind of funny with all this commotion
I guess they?ve got me to blame
And they don?t even know my name
And they don?t even know my name

Well I?ve never felt so ready, think it?s finally time
Cause that big old world is waiting, and it?s mine all mine
Just then everything got real quiet, it got real bright
And a man took my hand said don?t worry, your momma's gonna be all right
Then he opened the gate, & I followed him in
Said you can wait right here till it?s your turn again
And his love is the one true emotion
Heaven knows no fear no pain
I never got to set my wheels in motion
But they loved me just the same
And they never even knew name
Didn?t even know my name
You loved me just the same
And you didn?t even know my name

Just thought I would pass it on.

Thanks Angel Babies - I just found it on youtube and I shed tears. It is perfect. Will have to download it from itunes as well.
And well done today with your client. Glad to see you doing so well, and also giving youself credit for it. I think we all try to hard to be 'nice' to others that sometimes we forget to give ourselves pats on the back for how we are coping.

I am also proud of myself for how well I did last week facing so many people for the first time and confronting my fear of seeing certain people.

I had to work yesterday at a tradeshow, so the weekend has felt far too short for me.

Angel Babies - Thanks you so much for those lyrics. They are beautiful. As for an awful AF IKWYM. Mine wasn't the first after mc but the second. I got it last Saturday and it was soooooooooo heavy!! Also I was an emotional mess too. The only good thing is it only lasted 3 days. By Tuesday it was gone, not even spotting. i also love how upbeat you are. It helps me. Thanks

Barbara

Thank you for your comments. As for AF... looks like she isnt staying for long either. Damn shame that..... and here I was hoping she would hang around for a bit more of a social call.

I do have to confess.... I didnt take my temp this morning. I rolled over, looked at it and thought..... (insert a lot of unpleasant words here) Mind you I doubt that will do anything at all to my chart missing the second day of the cycle. I meant it when I said my emotions have been everywhere. Layed in bed last night and just cried and cried.... DH just looked at me and then just cuddled me.... kept asking what was wrong..... As they do.... and i just kept cuddling him. Then I wake up and I m all tough..... telling the thermometer what it can do and where it can go.... in no uncertain terms.... at least it knows who s boss now.

As for DH. Sometimes I just feel so sorry for him. He s now married to the freaky woman.... obviously he wants to fix everything... but cant. I ve never really celebrated Valentines day.... As long as i get a card off him i m all good..... but this time round I m doing a scrapbook for him. Probably sounds strange but he knows I m doing an IVF one and then one for each or our angels... and he keeps asking to see where I m up to, he likes looking through it. SO he has no idea at all that while he thinks i m working on the IVF one i m actually working on the Valentines one.... I say Valentines reluctantly... its more of a " I love you" scrapbook..... Doesnt help me finishing it when 2 nights ago I had the pooooops with him ..... Decided to not do it that night...... dont think those pages would have turned out to lovingly.

Anyway..... Off to bed, way past my bed time.... alarm goes off in 4 hours.:asleep:

Hey Guys,
I am really pleased to say that AF arrived with me two hours ago, so I logged on specially to share the news!:dance: She has bought a new symptom with her, I never used to get back ache...Ow! Now I can start a new chart, at CD1 and not 27, and TTC properly like the rest of you guys. As there are a few of us with AF now, or recent AF, we will all POAS at about the same time! Great!

Can anyone tell me how to get my cycle ticker and website link from the fertility friends webite onto my signature?

Angelbabies, you bought a lump to my throat with the idea of an 'I love you' scrap book, what a great valentines day present. And well done with the client + newborn scenario. :clap:

I have a confession to make, that I am not as brave as you are. On Friday night, one of colleagues was having a leaving do before she went on maternity leave and I didnt go. I cope well bumping into her at work and having a quick chat about how things are going with her pregnancy, but I did not feel upto facing a whole night of baby centred conversation. There are some things that I'm not ready for yet, but I'm sure I'll get there...

I am really looking forward to this week. Although I have to work tomorrow night (boo), I am going to the theatre on Tuesday ,with the girlfreind who let me talk for hours just after the m/c, and then on Thursday I'm going to have the haircut that I promised myself after I read about Nickster's new hairdo (yes, it took me that long to book it!) So two fab things to look forward to this week.

I hope that you have all had a good weekend.
C

Angel - Hey my DH is married to a crazy lady too. DH is desperately trying to make everything all right, in typical male fashion. you gotta love them for it. anyway cry away. as a good friend once told me don't hold a drop in. and i love the scrapbook idea. i may steal it. :)

canary - ah, another person i can congratulate on her period. so weird isn't it. I also now have bad back pain with my "new" period. but no cramps so i'll take it. and you are right we should hopefully all get BFPs at about the same time. Have fun this week, enjoy the new 'do. also I use lillypie for my ticker so I can't help you with FF.

katie - Sorry for the "short" weekend. and good for you with seeing people. it is about the hardest thing to do these days. you do deserve a pat on the back.

as for me today is DHs bday (he is 33) it is also the Superbowl here in the States. We are going to a gathering at my cousin's house. I am hoping his BIL doesn't come and bring his infant son. I am not good with boys yet. weird. hope everyone id doing well.

Barbara

:hello: Hi ladies, hope you've all had a good weekend- seems there are some lovely af's happening (fingers crossed bettyb for you too xxx)

Canary- get on to the ff website (you have to become amember but it's free)- choose your ticker and icon (it's dead easy- if I can do it anyone can!) then 'copy' the html details (it shows you), open up BellyBelly- your profile, edit signature and 'paste.'
I haven't worked out how to change the ticker to show a countdown to testing for pg yet- DH and I are hoping we might be fertilizing:fertilise:, but I'm not building my hopes too high. It'll either be a BFP or af on Valentine's day :lol:

Angel Babies- my af (the only one so far) was really heavy and I was really upset/hormonal for a while. It was a good spring clean, but my body obviously needed it and I've felt physically 'normal' since. I know that TTC has an element of 'control' now because I have dates to work from and to (Bet I missed flippin' 'O' this month tho- probably got jiggy either side and missed it completely :clap:
Well done for coping so brilliantly with your client and her baby x
Also thanks for your songs and poems. I'm afraid I'm a bit of a 'hard nut' and don't get too sentimental about such things- whereas DH blubs at loads of stuff :cryinglaugh:- even adverts on telly! He cries at the news, or sad films, bless him- while I just chuckle at him (not in a horrible way)

what's POAS? It sounds hopeful--I want one!! (do I?) lol xx
sending :bluedust: to you all- hoping to turn af's into BFP's xxxxxxx

Wow so many of us have AF at the moment. We are obviously in sync with each other. At least we will all get to do the dreaded 2WW together! Day 3 of AF for me and I don't think it shows any signs of going away. My old AF was always 5-6 days so I would be happy for that to return (I never thought I would ever ever say that!!!).

Nickster - POAS is pregnancy test. Fingers crossed you timed well this month. What day will you test?

Angel Babies - I have the same kind of days as you. One minute a crying mess, the next minute strong and stoic. I think that is the nature of grief. My DH also finds it hard. He wants to comfort and fix things but knows he can't. He also admitted a couple of weeks ago that sometimes he just wishes he didn't have to think about the MC and having another baby, but that he also knows that it would not be fair for me to not be able to talk about it. Classic Catch 22. Since that conversation, we have actually both being doing well, and this past week we did not have a single argument. I love you scrapbook idea.

Canary - I think it is fine for you not to go to the baby shower. I think that would be torture. Just look after yourself and try not to worry what others will think. A work colleague told me the other day that I need to be selfish. I loved hearing that! She was saying that if I don't want to do something either now or in the next pregnancy, than don't do it.

Barbara - I hope you had fun at the Superbowl party. And if your BIL did bring his son, than I hoped you were okay.

I think that is about all. I had better go and get ready for work. Have a lot on this week.

i have had a really bad weekend , most of it crying,went to visit a friend yesterday after i pilled myself together , then she announced she was preg, i was happy for her as she had a M&C on our wedding day , but i lost it when i got home, that is 3 great ladies preg at our church.
Wow AF is busy , i am about to O.

Uhmmm...my temp dropped this morning and I started spotting. AF should be here full flow tomorrow!
I've read that women who live together menstruate at the same time. My mother and I were in sync, and when I went away to college my suitemates and I all had AF at the same time. But I never heard of it happening to women who communicate over the computer!

Angel Babies: you're very brave.

Canary: just take care of yourself emotionally right now and take all the time you need.

Anthonysmom: who're you rooting for? I'm not a fan of either team and neither is DH. I just like the commercials LOL! Good luck with your party and I hope you are able to enjoy it.

Hi All. Well we are truly in sync - not only do I have AF with you all but like Barbara and I think Angel Babies, I have had it for 2 days quite heavy and now today on Day 3 it looks like it is ending! What is with this. I was hoping for my normal 5 days. It may still start up again, so will wait and see.

Katie - My first cycle after AF was like that. Went away for a day then came back for two more. This time around three days and out. We are all as one. :)

TM - Sorry about AF. I live in New York so I am rooting for the Giants. Plus I hate the Patriots. Yeah and we won!

Betty - Sorry about your tough weekend. We have all gotten AF, so yours is coming. i just know it.

I just got home from the Superbowl gathering. It was fine. No babies. I know it is selfish but I still have a hard time. I also found out that I have a bridal shower the day before Anthony's EDD. I don't know how I will handle it. arghh!

Barbara

Hi Barbara. This is AF no. 2 for me as well. I guess after all our bodies have been through it is only natural that it will take time for them to return to some semblance of normalcy.

Do you have to go to the bridal shower? DH and I are planning a 2 or so week holiday over the time of Nathaniel's due date. I just want to get away and have a nice holiday where we can spend time together and relax. What do you have planned for your EDD? If you don't think you will be up to the bridal shower, than just be selfish and don't go. I know it goes against the grain to say that, but I think it is important that you put yourself and your emotions first at this time in your life. I am always worried that people will think I am rude etc if I don't want to talk about babies or go and see them...but really it isn't my problem and if they don't understand than that is their fault. I am trying to not care so much about what others think, and just do what is right for DH and myself. So take care and say no if you need to.

Well AF is a mystery for sure. It was so heavy when I woke up (TMI) and now nothing! No idea what is going on. I kind of hope it returns later today or tomorrow just so I can feel like it is happening. I really want to start TTCing properly this month. I was almost relieved when AF came on Saturday as I think doing a pregnancy test would have terrified me.

Hiya

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend.

Anthonysmom: yay for the Giants. I love NY so much, it's been 12 mnths since we were there and we still talk about how much we loved it every day! DH had a day off today so watched the game - of course now he's keen to get back over there again. If no bub by Nov we'll probably head over there again. ALso - It's not selfish to find it hard to be around babies, I find I'm worse with pregnant women. I feel bad for feeling that way but that's just how it is.

My cycle doesn't seem to be in sync with y'all because I think I have just O'd. FF doesn't seem to have picked it up yet but my (.)(.) are sure telling me that I have and my interpretation of my chart is that it has too. Had a huge temp shift yesterday (up) which I don't think was accurate (well quite such a huge jump anyway). Was woken up by the noisy ****atoos in the tree outfront and fell back to sleep - interrupted sleep usually gives me an odd temp but never this much? Bit of a mystery but the next few days should give my a clear idea of what is going on. Have high hopes for this month but my chart looks like it's a mess so won't be surprised if af arrives. Last month's chart was perfection but we weren't ttc then as hadn't had all clear from ob?!?! Anyway, life goes on and we have a nice short break planned for March so am trying to focus on that.

Angelbabies - the George Canyon song is lovely. Thanks for sharing that with us. Of course you should be proud of yourself the way you to handled your emotions so well on the job the other day.

:grouphug: Hugs for everyone and let's :pray::crossfingers: that this month is the last in here for all of us!!!!
:bluedust::bluedust::bluedust::bluedust: for everyone !!!!!

Catch up time.... Ok so it might be a long post... I hate rushing a good catch up.

Cycles in sync...... wow thats some powerful moon vibes going around the world. So thats why not many posts were in the first 2 days..... so many of us off crying and being emotional. :cryinglaugh:

AJC..... we cant have everyone in sync.... it throws the month out.... this way if we have some of us 'O" and some of us AF then we pretty much have the month covered looking forward to BFP :dance: As for the pregnant ladies.... understand... understand....understand. I look..... ohhh and they seem to be everywhere... and just go off into another space. They obviously havent done a damn thing against me, I m thrilled for them infact I look at them and hope they have gotten over some crucial times. I m thrilled for them..... but incrediably sad at the same time...........

AJC... if you are "o" what the heck you doin here girl.... you should be dancin the night away :ttc:

Katiegirl..... Soooo completely agree about putting yourself and DH first at the moment. I m also known at the moment for being just a tad blunt. ESPECIALLY with people who are constantly complaining about things that just dont rate. OHHH it get s me soooo mad. Again.. I want to give them my shoes... tell them to go for a walk and when they come back.... i have this visual image of slappin them so strongly accross the face and cursing at them..... I just dont have the time for it. My time is spent running my business, looking after my teenage boys... well supervising them anyway and taking care of myself and DH. I havent got time for petty b***s***..... oooops i m ranting.... shhhhhh

ANYWAY i agree with you. I believe that we will get through this by allowing ourselves to deal with each day as we need to and by allowing ourselves to focus on ourselves.

Anthonysmom...... same again.... if you dont think you cant do the bridal party then dont. if your not sure if you can do it then dont. If you know you can then great. Thats how I look at it and then if I do cope with it then I take the time out to pat myself on the back. I view things pretty simply now....... if they are a "friend" then they know what I ve just been through and am still going through.... if they are a true friend they would understand. If they arent a true friend then why the heck would I put myself out there to that degree in the first place.... told you I ve been a bit blunt lately.

Tempus..... Only brave on the good days.... or should i say good moments.... I ve cried more tears than i thought possible.

Bettyboop...... I think we will break out the drinkies and cheer any day now..... fingers and everything else crossed for you.

Nickster..... well ummm not everyone can do the FF tickler thing.... I stuffed mine up so bad i got stubborn and said... Dont bl..dy want one anyway... and now i refuse to have one...... ohhhh did i leave the stubborn side of me out of the picture so far.... dang... now i ve let it slip... yep... one stubborn girl here... So now I dont even go on the web site. I use a computer programe for my temping and I use my natural therapy peoples web site for temping as well because the information goes straight to them and then they work it out. My little computer programe cracks me up... each time i enter information it decides what it all means and then a pop up appears explaining it to me..... gotta love it.

Canary..... Baby shower..... OHHHH GOODNESS.... no chance..... no chance ..... NO chance... and what s more I wouldnt even consider the slightest possibility of putting myself through it. Maybe in a few years time .... maybe.... ohh but goodness..... no chance I would be strong enough for a baby shower yet. I think i would feel physically ill it would hurt that much..... Now as for the scrapbook... your welcome too it.... I ve been thinking a lot lately about DH... and relationships so much so that I do have a question in a sec for everyone.

Firstly though.... I m just doing a count up of who s got a visitor (AF)

Canary
Katiegirl
Tempus
Myself

I m sure i ve missed someone....

Well for me she is hot and cold.... and moody... ohhhhh GOODNESS......LOL

One thing I really would like to know.... I would love to know in a bit of detail how each of your DH are dealing with it all. I watch my DH constantly. The other night we both went up to bed. He had gone upstair earlier and was in my 16 year old sons room with him working on a jigsaw puzzle. When we got into bed he was trying to cheer me up by tickling me and laughing........ and we were just .... or really he was... joking around with me about all sorts of silly stuff.... and what do i do..... I burst into tears... Now up until that point most of the time he has been able to keep himself together, but this time he got up out of bed, got dressed and went to go back downstairs. I asked where he was going and he said "i can t take this right now so i m just going downstairs" That of course made me cry more and tell him i needed a cuddle. He kept asking me what was wrong and what i was crying about and i couldnt tell him..... I was just crying.

It made me think about it more though.... How is everyone else s DH coping and how do we keep our relationships strong through all this.

Well that is certainly enough for me..... Not my fault I had to do such a large post... its all of you who all of a sudden wanted to post and i had to catch up.

Hi everyone,
Firstly, I just wanted to say thanks to you all. I was really struggling with something at work and felt a bit fed up, then i thought I'd read about what you have all been up to and you really cheered me up.:)

AngelB, well....I think that I will not be alone in reporting that my DH is of the opinion that 'If I pretend everything is OK, then it will be'. I mean, he just doesn't want to talk about it. At first he even changed the subject when I bought it up. That was hard. I said to him 'You dont want to talk about it do you?' and he said no and that was that! I think that it helped him to talk to his parents. Gradually, he has spoken to me a little bit more on the subject and now he keeps telling me that he cant wait to have a baby. I got through the first few weeks by planning ahead with him and making a mental list of things to look forward to this year. I have painted a very negative picture, but really, he was quite supportive. If I cried, he gave me a hug and he was really great during the painful bits.

NIckster, thanks for the advice. I think I've got the URL attached but I cant get my pretty ticker on too. Help?? Oh, PAOS is my favourite acronym Pee on a stick! Ha ha.:lol::lol:

Barbara, hmm, bridal shower....bad timing. Can you explain the situation to the bride to be? Listen to Katie's excellent advice and be selfish, I think that if these circumstances don't permit us to be selfish, then nothing will.

Betty:hug: I know what you mean. Finding out that a friend is pg brings out a whole load of emotions. It's really tough and not at all fair.

Does anybody remember when the best time to BD is pre- O ing? Last time, I looked it up (cant remember where though), and I think it was every other day from 4 days pre-O. Or something.

Well I'd better go and do something constructive. Take care all,
C

Hi ladies- glad to see you are, mostly, feeling quite strong at the moment, me too so pats on the back all round:grouphug: Betty B- :hug:I've got everything crossed for you hun, even legs n toes- DH won't be in luck tonight then :lol:

Canary-I think maybe you didn't copy the whole bit from FF. If you still have no l,uck try 'tickerfactory' (I changed from ff to ticker). It has the same designs x

Angel- you make me laugh! I bet you and I would get on like a house on fire- I have learned not to be quite so stubborn thanks to my job (teaching 11-16 year olds). Believe me- they can be Reeeaally stubborn and life is too short lol. I've learned to take deep breaths and put a smile on my face no matter how rude or obnoxious they can be. It's particularly lovely when I come home to DS and DD throwing a strop sometimes too :wall:
As for your question- DH has been amazing, although I sometimes think he is more obssessed with pg and bd than I am so I am feeling a bit pressured. If af arrives next week he'll be really disappointed and I'll feel like a failure (again)- Don't slap me, I can't help it (but I'm feeling okay about it at the mo,and secretly praying for POAS=pg.....maybe....hopefully...:crossfingers:)
It sounds like a really positive thing that your DH was able to relax enough to fool around in such a way. It's not that he forgot- he's just moved into a place where he can now start to do that, and you will too!! He'll feel guilty,and you will, but you cannot stay in this one place forever. Grief evolves- eventually it lets you move on, a little at a time. DH is,understandably, moving a litle quicker than you. In a way I would almost feel envious, iykwim? xx hope I haven't offended?

Defo could NOT do a babyshower. Just coping ok with pg ladies at work (I managed to ask about scans today etc, although felt like I was being stabbed in the heart!) Pat on the back me xx Friends will understand, I'm sure, about our attendance at these difficult situations.

Well, sorry this lack in personals but I absolutely MUST go for a pee (not POAS, 7 days to go, but not feeling any symptoms...or much hope)

- hugs and :bluedust: to all tho xx

I might be the one to throw off the very-short-cycle trend because I tend to have 8 or 9 day periods. But I'll let you all know! I've also decided that this is the month I get serious about TTC. Right now I'm between docs because my OB is sending my records to the FS, who I won't see until the 19th. But since I'll be seeing him during this cycle, I have to stop fooling around (don't giggle, ladies, you know what I mean) and move forward with the baby-making.

Anthonysmom: congrats on your team's win! And good luck with the bridal shower, whatever you decide to do. Did you ever want to just become a hermit and unplug the phone and refuse all your mail? I certainly entertain that fantasy sometimes...

Katiegirl: IKWYM. Whenever AF comes I"m half relieved and half sad.

AJC: your boobs emoticon had me in stitches laughing! And it was a really stressful day so I totally needed that. Thanks!

Angel Babies: nobody expects you to be brave all the time, but you still get credit for the times you are. I think I've cried more in the last four months than in the last five years!
But about how dh copes. Our losses were all very early and I don't think it was as real for him as it was for me. He worries about me and is rather surprised I want to try again, but he's willing to go along. However, a friend of ours told me that when he told her and her husband about our mc he looked really sad.
But then we've had other things going on around here--his dad is going through chemo right now, so it's sort of divided his attention.

Hi All.

Well firstly, AF still has not reappeared since around midday yesterday - so that was a cycle of about 2 and half days!!! I hope it stills counts. I am just spotting very lightly now. I am wondering if it is short because I spotted on and off for about 6 week after the D&C? At least that is what I am telling myself. So will start TTCing over the next couple of days. Can anyone advise if there is meant to be a system to follow - like one day on one day off or anything like that? Or do you just go for it?

As for DH - he has been amazing and my rock. He has been very good at talking to people about it and expressing how much it has affected us and shattered our dreams. He took on the responsibility of telling people how I was feeling etc. I have been really proud of him. And then on the flipside, he has found it hard dealing with my emotions. His nature (like all men) is to want to fix things, and it is hard for him to see me upset and not be able to do anything about it. Insteand of just accepting I am having a bad day, he would get worried that I was depressed etc. He also told me that sometimes he just doesn't want to have to think about our loss, whereas I find it hard to think about anything else. He admitted that he felt that it was all I thought about or talked about, either Nathaniel or trying again, and he said that he was sick of it sometimes. He also said that he felt I was always sad and that got him down. We have had some major fights, not about Nathaniel but I think that our grief was the underlying issue. He also admitted that he deliberately didn't tell me when he was feeling sad because he thought it would get me down too. Whereas I tried to explain that grief is a lonely place, and me knowing that he felt sad as times would let me know I am not alone. He recently went out and drank too much and got sick and then had a mini meltdown about how he should be a father and not out drinking etc. It was terribly heartbreaking as it showed how he is also still grieving, but also useful because it let me see that he feels exactly the same. I feel very fortunate to be married to him, and I believe losing Nathaniel will ultimately bring us closer together.

Hope that all makes sense.

i have now got a app to see doc on feb 14 wow i am so excited and scared

I have only really started the temp thing, but can you all tell me what your coverline (for those on FF) - mine was around 36.2 - but I am wondering if that was low? My naturopath looked at my last cycle and said it looked sluggish and that she wasn't sure that I oed (though FF said I did). So just wondering what everyone else temps look like - plus with AF I have been around the 36 mark.

Bettyboop - glad to hear you got an appointment - and on Valentine's Day no less. I hope it brings some good news for you and the dr can help you sort out the disappearance of AF. Good luck.

Brilliant news BettyB! POSITIVE POSITIVE HOPEFUL VIBES to you x

hi All i am new to this site and hope you dont mind me joining. My name is Amanda and I am 23! I am mum to Ameliyah who is now 3.
I have 2 angels as well.

Ryleigh Flynn was born sleeping on December 16th 2001 @ 25+3 weeks I was only young and dont think the extent of losing him hit me until Ameliyah was born healthily. The hospital wanted me to have footprints, hair ect... but I refused I just wanted it to all go away now I regret not having those precious mementos every day!

On Christmas day 2005 I had a m/c at 10+2 weeks.
We have been trying for another baby since March 2006 so nearly 2 years later we are no closer. I have Pcos and know this is the reason but still feel painfully upset.
I wish all of you the best on your TTC and baby dust to everyone

Amanda

Hi amanda and welcome , sorry to here of your losses , do join in , we are hoping for lots of BFP very soon.

Second day of AF and she's here with a vengeance! I've been going through pads like crazy, but that's normal for me. But at least this month I don't have the mood swings from h*** like last month.

Katiegirl: personally, I would count that as AF. Of course, whether it was an ovulatory cycle or not--you would have to check back on your temps.
I've heard that every other day BD is better than every day. Haven't actually tested it so I can't be sure.

bettyboop: I really hope you finally get some answers. Didn't you have blood work recently? What did it show?

Amanda: I'm so sorry for your losses. I'll keep you in my prayers. I had PCOS a long time ago, so I know about that. Welcome aboard.

bloods showed all was normal, not long and i will get some answers

Ohhh I so just laughed.... I was just scrolling down thinking hmmmm catch up again. I stop and looked up and saw where Nickster has gone back and edited her post.... and the reason..... "i forgot a bracket and i m an english teacher... doh" I just laughed.... I sat here thinkin.... goodness dont growl at me teach..... there is not spell check on posting.... and I cant spell and am chit at gramma.... even now I m still smiling.... I ve known people that are very particular on how things are worded and spelt and i know that it has always bugged them when people do it wrong..... Dont let me bugg you nickster...... do you still luv me. ;) ...... ohhh by the way... you are getting a smack on the hand..... I even edited to make sure you still got your smack.

I might get a chance to pop back in this evening but if I dont then I m away until Saturday night. Meetings in Melbourne for the remainder of the week..... This silly girl thought she would be on the ball and get down to Melbourne nice and early so booked a flight for 5am.... WHERE THE HECK WAS MY HEAD.

Thank you for your comments on DH.... Sometimes I look at my DH and I think he just doesnt get it, but yesterday he went onto our web site and started talking about it. His main comment... its very sad. I sat there and listened to him. His grieving is going to take longer I think. Its there but its like its in slow motion. Nickster..... I wish he was moving a little faster, that way he could pull me along with him... (always do like the easier way of doing things) but i think its the reverse after his little chat yesterday. His playful ways.... which has always been him... is to a larger degree now because he s trying to bring that side of me back out.... sometimes it works.... sometimes it doesnt....... ohhh dont worry girl.... you didnt offend me ... its all good.

I think DH has had a big change in the last 48hrs. Last night he came to bed.... i went up early.... thought .... think we might need to practice the BD :dance::dance:. He turned all the lights off ect downstairs and came up. Said to me.... have you had your herbs.....Ummm No... he says.... well we have to have them every day and night. (so downstairs i go and have my herbs) He wakes up this morning and the first thing he does is roll over to take his temp. (our herb peoples want him taking his temp as well) He took it last night too and i had to explain to him that its first thing each morning.

I took your advice on being stubborn and went to do a ticker... came back and pasted it it only to be told i dont have enough room on my signature. I looked at whats in my signature and i m not prepared to edit it down so i ll just keep going without a ticker... i m sure with the other 2 places i put my temps i m going to know what day of my cycle it is :o

Katie... I m with your with the amount of days AF visited...... Shes long gone... maybe just 3 days. I think it feels so short because with the M/C it just seemed to keep going. Normally I m 2 heavy and 2 with very little.

ameliyahsmummy..... WELCOME... WELCOME... WELCOME. Sorry for your loss but welcome to our little group.... we have the best cyber cake bakers here.... come to think of it who s turn is it to bake....... I m sorry that you are joining us but WELCOME.

Tempus.... welcome to the AF s..... congrats..... Isnt that the most rediculous thing....... I sometimes sit back and think.... how the heck did i get here. Never would I have thought that i would be ever congratulating some one on getting her period.... sometimes this world is just STRANGE!

Ok well I think that is enough from me.... I ll try to catch up tonight... if not... Ohhhh goodness, I ll have my work cut out for me on Saturday night.

Hi everyone

Welcome ameliyahsmummy.

Not much news on my end, I didn't end up making it to the doctor as my brothers car which I have been using decided to die. So I am without a car now until we buy a new one and DP gets a job.
I'm feeling really tired and drained again so my iron levels must still be really low.
Hopefully I can get down to the Doctor next week, I'd like to get myself sorted out asap.
I don't feel like I'll be getting af anytime soon but who knows..

Have fun in Melb AngelB, I am definately glad to be back home in Melb :)

Time for a new thread ladies. Here you go.