Hi there~~~I am new here and so glad i found this forum. I had a live birth this past March and lost my baby son to diaphramatic hernia and severe infection. Basically my baby had a hole in the diaphram so part of the intestines are growing up into the chest, but what took his life was a very bad infection in the NICU.

anyhow, i am still trying to recover four months (exactly) after. i've started to feel like i am a bad person because every time i hear about other people's pg news, i am jealous at how happy they are, which reminds me how happy i was in those seven months i was carrying my baby. and every time i wish that doesn't happen to me again, i feel like i am wishing other people to lose their baby, the logic being SOMEBODY will have to lose their babies if the overall infant death/miscarriage rate stays the same. I am also frustrated when people talk like it didn't hurt so much or the baby didn't live long enough for us to feel so attached. Please tell me i am not a bad person to think so~~~

we are 'officially' ttc'ing starting this month. DH didn't want to do it before six-months after labor coz he heard it from some experienced people that, pregnancy within 6-months after labor is not gonna end up well. but i just don't think i am gonna heal emotionally if i don't have another healthy baby, no matter how hard it seems now. did anybody else hear this theory? there are also some articles online that say the same thing.

We should all be proud of our angles because they made us stronger women. I read a book that says when our fear of not being able to hold a baby in our arms overcomes the fear of losing another one, that's when we know we are ready to ttc. Nobody knows what the future holds for us, but life is so fragile and unexpected that every living person is a miracle in itself. If women going through wars were having babies, i can't think of a reason why we shouldn't try again.

Hope time heals all even though the scar remains.