Thanks Kiwigirl~~~i would imagine going through D&C to be just as painful (physically and mentally). after coming back to work, i would tear up every time people ask me how my baby is. saying "he passed away" is just hard.

in terms of TTC, i do worry about how long it takes but i worry about the nine months (hopefully) ahead just as much if not more. because i gave birth at 30 weeks, i am at a higher risk next time. and because i take long-term medication that affects the fetus, i would be ordered more ultrasounds along the way too. but if we don't try again, we never know what we are going to get, right? i even come up with the probability: the average population has a 2-4% rate of birth defect, and women with seizure disorder have double the risk (4-8%). I fell into the 4-8% last time. although next time i would bear just as much risk as last time, the chance of having two birth defects in a row is about 0.16-0.64%. but numbers are just numbers. when something happens, it doesn't do anything other than telling you what odds are.

my DH is not yet very into TTC yet, so i bought some sexy attire to spice things up. after all, we might not be able to enjoy sex once pgcy is confirmed (i had series of infection last time).

good luck and hang in there, everyone! i tell myself that now is the darkness before dawn. everyday passed is a day closer to where the light is. cheers.