TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ July 08 #7

Jen - FF gives you open circles when it thinks that your temps may be suspect - eg. after a night of broken sleep, or if you take them at a different time to normal. If you're taking them earlier than normal that's probably why :) I would have thought that they'd be lower too though, although when I was charting (not doing it anymore, I am totally over it LOL) I did find that mine were higher during AF than the rest of the cycle. HTH :)

RachelSwirl - :lol: Hope you get a good result.

Hi to everyone else!

Rachel--How convenient is it that your parent's house just happen to be half way to the hospital? And they just happen to be in Africa right now? Looks like everything's working perfectly... hopefully that's a sign of things to come! :crossfingers: Keep us posted on the results!

Hey mollycat, we must've been posting at the same time! Was that this am that you got your coverline? Don't think I remember seeing that there yesterday... :pray: like crazy that you caught that egg!

I think it's probably a good idea to wait on the breeding... you'll know when you're ready for another dog. Puppies are such a big responsibility--- like a baby isn't, huh? :lol: Totally different, though!

Hope you make it to chat on Sat. night! It's beautiful chaos! I was laughing so much this am, Krystie had to warn me not to wake DS! :shhh: :lol:




megsmum--Taking temps at the same time as usual... but it has been warmer at night lately, in fact, I was hot when I went to bed--it's been like that for about a week now. Who knows, maybe FF just doesn't like me! :) Thanks so much for the info! :hug:

Oh sorry Jen, I just assumed that you were taking your temp when waking at 4-5am. Are you waking up then and going back to sleep and taking it at the normal time then? If so, I used to get higher (and erratic) temps when I did that too. It's difficult to decide which time to take your temp when that happens.The hotter nights probably don't help either I'd say. Actually this is the reason I stopped doing temps (not saying you should BTW ;)) it just messed so badly with my sleeping! I'd wake up and then couldn't get back to sleep because I was too worried about getting enough sleep before I had to take my temp :rolleyes: What an idiot hey? LOL But now I'm having cycle tracking for the IUI there's no need to bother yay!

Anyway, better run, got to take DD to a swimming lesson. BRRRR for her, poor love. But for some strange reason she loves it!

I am now on day 6 of cycle, hmm which should mean on tues when I go into theatre Ill be on day 10 so I should be quite fertile, I wonder if Im allowed to ttc straight after or not.

megsmum--Oh, that's ok! It's really funny, actually, because that's exactly what I do! Are you saying I'm an idiot? :p j/k!! :rofl: When I wake up around 4, I start to worry that I won't get enough sleep before 6, which is usually when I get up. Then I have to tell myself to not think about it, because it will keep me awake--sometimes it works and I can just fall back to sleep. But usually I toss and turn until 5:45 or 6 when I finally take my temp. I'm sure it has to have some sort of negative effect--ie erratic/higher temps. Another thing I do which really annoys me is if I wake up and have to go to the loo, as long as it's before 2, I'll get up and go. But if it's 2 or after, I'll make myself hold it so as not to ruin my temp! :rolleyes: But the lame thing about it is that if I hold it, I don't sleep as well, and end up tossing and turning anyways! :doh: It really does mess with my sleeping, but I'm addicted! :lol:



Rachel--Maybe you should check with the dr. first to make sure it's safe... Did you say your lap/dye were on Monday?

Hi All,

Just a very quick post before I head off to the snow

Have a great few days - I wont be back online until next Wed :o

It will probably do me good to not focus on all this for awhile, DH and I have commenced BD every second day as ov should pop along over the coming week.

Hopefully it will be warm enough for the :sperm: to survive

Anyway :hug::pink-babydust::bluedust::stickyvibesboy::stickyvibesgir l:

Speak soon

Ladies - some horrible news ... this bub sadly has not made it. Sorry to post here and be a downer but I don't know where else to go

After some very very minor spotting last night, headed to ob today for some reassurance and a quick scan. Bub measuring 9w2d instead of 11w2d, and no heartbeat. Had an additional scan elsewhere for confirmation.

We had 2 fabulous scans and heard the heartbeat and had seen a beautiful foot wave and now I just can't get my head around it.

In for a d&c on Monday, then at least 4 months until we can ttc again. I don't know how to fill those months. All I want is a baby.

I don't know how to go back to the beginning of the pain again.

jenushka :hug: I'm so sorry.

hey lovelies - still here lurking and keeping up with you all. how about some :bluedust::pink-babydust::stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy: to absolutely snow down on you all!!!

Just wondering if anyone plans to chat tonight at the usual time......

jenushka - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I'm sorry I didn't see ur post before i last posted. Oh noooooo!! I'm here in tears - my heart is also breaking for you. I am just so so so so sorry. I wish i could do something..... Makes me even more angry at that blasted cow u dealt with earlier. Pls let me know if i can do something.

Jenushka - I'M SO SORRY, sweety. As PLC said if you need any of us let us know. Big :hug: I have tears for you. Just remember we are always here for you. :hug:

jenushka.....Hun... there are no real answers.... no words we can say will make it alright..... it sucks.... you know it, i know it.... we all know it..... and to say it sucks is the politest way to put it.......

how do you deal with it.......the only answer i can give is ONE DAY AT A TIME..... the days right now will be cloudy and vauge.... then sometime, hopefully soon, the fog will lift just a bit and then a bit more and then a bit more until one day you will be able to see again....

Do whats right for you right now hun... allow your emotions... allow your sorrow, your anger, your frustrations, your fear...... all of your emotions.. alow them all..... dont hold it in... cry... scream... yell... whatever you have to do to deal with it.

ONE DAY AT A TIME HUN...... ONE DAY AT A TIME :comfort:

Jenushka,I'm so very sorry hun. I know there is nothing that I can say to make it better :(

Just know that you and your family are in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.

xxx

jenushka- i am so sorry it is so so unfair, i was actually thinking of you yesterday and how close you were to 12 weeks and now my heart is breaking for you. sending you so many :hug::hug::hug:and remember we are here whenever you need to vent.

afm- tomorrow is my angel's edd...feeling very emotional... sat with hubby tonight and read one of the poems/prayers from angel babies website and dh and i just let the tears roll...so thank you angel babies for the beautiful words that helped me explain and deal with the hurt and pain...

jenushka - I was so shocked and so sad to read your post. :hug::hug::hug:

I wish I had the right words to help ease your pain. We are all here for you whenever you need to talk. Sending you and your DH lots and lots of :hug:.

You'll be in my prayers tonight.

pbstar - big :hug:

Sorry I haven't been around much the last couple of days. Just been busy with work and stuff. I've still been reading everyone's posts though and you are all still in my thoughts.

Jenushka, I am so deeply sorry to hear your news. My heart dropped when I read your post. Take as much time as you need to grieve, and do anything that you feel will help you heal. But always, always remember the sound of your angels heart beating, and that little foot wave that gave you so much joy. You have an infinite amount of love to give a baby, and you WILL get that opportunity. Take care sweetheart and never forget that we are hear for you and that you are in our thoughts during this sad time :( :hug: :grouphug:

pbstar..... my thoughts are with you now and will be tomorrow.... EDD are hard ... its opening a wound that you thought had started to heal.

I half want to say I m glad to have helped by having the site there but I just wish there was no need for the site in the first place

Huge hugs hun :hug:

Good morning my sweets!

jenushka...:hug: I am sooo sorry. I wish I had the magic potion to prevent anyone from having to go through this...but I don't. It is different for everyone so my advice is just let your emotions go and take care of you...my thoughts are with you and your family.

pbstar...EDD is a difficult time to deal...mine was last Friday...I kinda said a prayer and pampered me for the day...however you choose you will get through...thinking of you :hug:

We need :bfp: :stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy::pink-babydust::bluedust:

Have a wonderful day ladies!

jenushka--OMG...my heart is absolutely broken for you! I sit here in tears reading your post, and I'm just completely at a loss for words... I know nothing I say can take away your pain or make you feel better. :( Please don't apologize for posting here--or thinking you're bringing us down--you're still a part of this thread, therefore you're family! :grouphug: I'd be sad if you didn't let us know....

Why is it that you have to wait 4 months to TTC again? Is it because of the D&C? Oh, hon, I wish I had the remedy...the magic words that could just take it all away... My thoughts and prayers are with you sweetie! Please let us know if there's anything you need--you know we're always here if you need to vent--feel free to PM me if there's anything I can do! :hug: :hug: :hug:

Easha--Enjoy your skiing trip! By the looks of your chart, this is perfect timing for a :bd: getaway! It worked for tina, so my :crossfingers: for your BFP in a few weeks to come! Hoping that without the computer you can put all your focus on just enjoying your time with DH! Did you remember to pack your thermometer? :lol: I guess that would defeat the purpose of taking your mind off TCC, but just had to ask! Will look forward to hearing all about your trip next Wed!




plc--Waited to chat with you.... you must've been a sleepy mama! Can't wait to see some belly pics soon! :bellyrubs:



pbstar--My thoughts and :pray: are with you on this day of your angel's EDD... take extra special care of yourself today!



:hello: mollycat, megsmum, and AJC! Big :grouphug: to you all!



Krystie--Am sure missing you and your sense of humor! Hope things are ok with you! :pink-babydust:



tutmae--Where were you this am? Missed chatting with you!

Jenushka: I just don't know what to say! I am just so so SO SO sorry hon, and totally lost for words! :hug:

Jen: Have a cold, so laid low today. FF still hasn't told me anything new, so I don't know whats happening.... I'm trying to hold out to poas but I don't know how long that will last! I had terrible heart burn last night (which I've never had before) but I'm trying not to read anything into it, except that maybe red onion before bed isn't a good idea.

tutmae...I had heartburn yesterday also...and I've been peeing often...sign :dunno:
when will you test? AB is due for me Monday...I don't know if I'll make it :lol: I just happened to have a Dollar store test yesterday but of course it was :bfn: since I was only 9 DPO I knew it would be but I am addicted!

Smi: Thinking of testing on Sunday (you know, even days). Don't know when AB is due as my cycles are so wacky, all I know is that I o'd around cd 15 (last tuesday) or so.... Hmmm, so by that maths if my cycle is 28days this time I should test after monday. So maybe tuesday. or sunday. Do I sound undecided? Heehee.

:lol: I might test tonight or Saturday or Sunday...I WISH I had the patience to wait until after Monday to see if AB shows :rolleyes:

I O'd on Tuesday as well CD 12 for me...my cycles are pretty on point averaging 26 days

Smi: Well, in that case I'll probably test on Sunday too. Can't get a test today as DH has the car and the walk to the chemist with a full bladder is not very appealing!! So, if I test our Sunday morning, that will be your saturday night..... I think. Confusing!!
:crossfingers: for you hon!!!!

Jenushka~ I'm so very sorry you are having to feel this pain again no words can take away your pain just stay strong and don't give up :hug: we are all here for you sweetie ... :hug: :pray:

:hello: I'm just stopping in to say hello to everyone nothing really new with me just enjoying the weather and spending time with DH ...

:grouphug::pink-babydust::stickyvibesgirl:

Jenushka: I'm crying right now! My heart goes out to you!! I have been there twice and I know the pain! I wish I had something brave to say.. I'mj ust crying right now!:( May God place your angel in his wings and allow him or her to play with both my bubs in heaven!!!!
My heart goes out to you!!!!:heartbeat::hug:

Jen805, Rachelswirl and Easha!! My best wishes going your way!! You girlies have been great!!! I pray you all have your blessings soon!!

Another thought.. I have come to realize that Since day 1 for me I have felt like you all made me feel right in place. I never felt left out SINCE DAY ONE!! That only tell me how amazing you women are!1 I hope God blesses you all. You women are really special to me.. miles apart.. it doesn't matter!! You women are amazing and I feel blessed when I hear from each and every one of you!!!:grouphug:


I was MIA yesterday sorry I was in cleaning mode this apartment was filthy!1 I do know I have to take it slow though.. doc said not to stress or fuss too much as things can still go terribly wrong with my bub.

On a happy note... You all know how faint my BFPs have been.. (I read that if Pg isgoing well HCG increases as days go by..) so I asked hubby to buy me one last HPT to see if my BFP remained faint or got darker (if faint I am supposed to be concerned)
soo.. here is my faint BFP on 7/22/08

http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/f...CI0047best.jpg

and my BFP today 8/1/08
http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/f...ure001dark.jpg

I ran to hubby and he was like WOW!!! I have never had such a dark BFP EVER!1 Not with Erick (he even gave me a neg blood test 3 days b4 u/s revealed he was there)
and with my 2 angel babies...faint too!
We are happy....and yet super worried as a BFP doesn't not guarantee you the bub will make it 9 months ya know?..I think I will worry until I have my newborn in my arms. Then and only then I will sigh with relief that my bub will make it!! Next Friday I get my progesterone shot..so that's another worry out of my way!!
For now I just have to wait for my next u/s in hopes they find a healthy bub. like I said..this baby is mending my broken heart.. if he dies my heart will die with him or her.. I don't think I can handle any more pain!!!:(

But anywho.... I just wanted to thank you all for making me feel comfortable here! the support you all have given me means a lot to me!! I hope God blesses you all with healthy full term babies!!!!!
:pink-babydust:
I will be :pray: for you all!!!

:grouphug:
Ruthie

No need to test on Sunday for me...AB seems to have arrived early...I have about a dozen curse words going through my head right now :wall:

:grouphug:

Hi all, wanted to give big hugs to Jen and WTH xxxxxxxxxxx my thoughts are with you...

Now I'm going to throw around a trillion tonnes of
:pink-babydust::pink-babydust::pink-babydust::pink-babydust:
for August and some more BFPs

Angel- how about making some beautiful chocolate 'mudcake' (rich and gooey cybercake) sprinkled with.....
:crossfingers::bluedust:

I'm still lurking, and ALWAYS hoping for you ladies xxxxxx


afm 28+2 weeks and am well. It's the 5 week summer break here (school holidays) so am 'off duty' for a while (boy do I need this rest!!)
Much love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxx

Everyone - I can't thank you enough for your incredibly kind words of support. Although I am shedding a tear, each time I read a post it is helping me to feel it. I had felt myself shutting off a little bit, but I know the only way to heal is to go through all the pain first. Very daunting but necessary.

This time I think I'll be looking for a bit of extra help to get through it - will be starting counselling as soon as I can. I think I used up all my reserves of strength getting through my last m/c.

I think I'll also be looking for some answers. I am saddened that according to the medical profession I must go through this again in order to be classed as "recurrent" and get access to tests and clinics. At my strong insistence I have got a referral from my ob for the recurrent m/c blood tests, but she downright refuses any tests to check out my uterus and tubes etc saying that I have one healthy child so therefore everything there must be all right (?). She also said next time I am pg there is "no point" doing reg scans around the time of my losses for peace of mind as it "won't help". No, maybe not to save the baby if anything is wrong but it will stop me going insane and if something happens to the baby I'll know sooner...I'll be seeing my wonderful GP this week to talk to her about a referral to the most sympathetic gyno she can think of ... maybe even fs? Next time round I want to know I've looked into everything I could. Also maybe different ob next time too - she is wonderful when you're pg but kind of switches off when you lose a pg.

Jen - as for waiting 4 months - that was according to ob advice again. I think I'll wait to see what the testing after the d&c says and decide where to go from there. After the last m/c I wanted to be pg again NOW, but this time not so sure. But then, not sure if I gave myself lots of time and it happened again how I would feel...

D&C now scheduled for Tuesday - am holding this baby close until then and giving it every bit of love I have. I wish it could know just how sorry I am...

You are the best bunch of girls ever, and thanks again. I have felt every single one of those hugs ... here's a big one back:grouphug:. I will continue to lurk, (as this is my second home!), and maybe soon I can join you again when I feel brave enough to get back on the rollercoaster...

jenushka- huge :hug: hun. you are such a strong and amazing woman and you will get through this...counselling sounds like a great idea to help though. it saddens me too to think you are supposed to go through this yet again to get any tests/answers- stay strong and keep pushing for what you know you deserve.

please stick around and let us know how you are, you don't have to be ttc yet to be part of this family, you are one of us so no need to lurk, just jump in and vent and take advantage of all of the support we want to offer. :hug::hug::hug:

Jenuskka.. I'm extremely ****ed off that the doc told you you have to have one more for a simple freaking tests. ( I have no doubt in my minnd you had the same thing both she and I did.. low progesterone. Easy freaking fix. Stupid doc wants you to m/c again so he can run the simpletest of test..I'm sorry but I'm not having happy thoughts for that doc!! :angry:

Let me tell you..this is quoted from a friend of mine..please read:

"I've had 2 miscarriages in the past and this last time when I found out, I went right to this new doc (midwife) that I'd heard great things about and as soon as she'd heard I had had 2 previous miscarriages, she ran 2 tests: one to check my HCG level (which was normal) and another test to check my progesterone level (which was incredibly low). She put me on progesterone suppositories that I had to take for about 2 months, but... I'm still pregnant. : ) If it weren't for her, I KNOW I wouldn't be pregnant right now. The last doctor I had went to said he wouldn't run tests for miscarriages until I had had 3 of them. I couldn't BELIEVE it! He expected me to go through losing another baby before he saw fit to run a SIMPLE test. Anyways, I wish the best of luck to you and your baby. Take care.
** **I erased her name*** "


Get another doc... My doc strongly told me that as soon as I became pregnant again I need the darn prog. Shot.. I really don't have a doubt in my mind you had the same thing. If that doc tells you he needs you to m/c again in order for him to run a simple test PLEASE RIP HIS EYES OUT FOR ME!!!!:rolleyes::angry:


I am praying for you.. I know your pain. And My biggest worry as well as it will always be your too is this painful thing happening agin!!! IT WON'T!! MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T!!
Doctors today...**I have my own stories..not too god either!!!!!***:rolleyes:

Sending you my deepest thoughts and prayers. You will be blessed ..You will heal.. but never forget. Those babies are painful to remember but too precious to forget!!
My bubs were tiny but the hole they left in my heart is larger than life!

:hug:
Ruthie

Jenushka
I am so so so so sorry ... Huge hugs to you. I can't find the words to tell you how deeply sorry I am. If you ever need to talk I'm here.
Rach
x

Jenushka please get a new doc you should not have to m/c again to get some test done that's crazy talk ... I'm praying really hard for you girl my heart goes out to you and please please stay strong !!! :hug:

jenushka - I just can't stop thinking about you - i hope ur ok (well, i know ur not). It just highlights how unfair m/c is and that no one should have to experience it. Oh sweet, pls look after urself - feel what u need to feel this loss but do u, ur bod and ur family a favour and seek another opinion re ur tests - when ur ready. Big hugs sweetheart.

smilanatu & pbstar - my thoughts and prayers are also with you both at this sad time :hug:

jenushka - thinking of you today. :hug::hug::hug:


That is really sad that you Ob is not interested in helping you have another baby. After my m/c my Ob was so supportive in helping us achieve our goal to have a baby. After my second m/c my Ob actually offered to do some tests with DH & I. I know there are alot more he could have done but he still did quite a number with us. I did lots of BT's and also a into hossie for the day for a hysteroscopy.

Although the tests didn't give us an actual answer for my previous m/c (although he did find & remove uterine polyp during the hysteroscopy) it made me feel more confident when we started trying again. When he found out I was pg again he was so excited (in a professional doctor way) but that kind of stuff meant alot to DH and I. There are Ob's out there who want to help and I hope your GP can refer you to one. Our Ob has made such a difference to our ttc journey, although he is not a miracle worker having his support & guidance has been wonderful.
:hug::hug::hug:

pbstar - hope your day is going ok.

Ladies - again you have me just so appreciative of your support. I just read all of your posts out to dh (who actually got a bit teary) and he wanted me to come on here and thank all of you for your words of kindness. Whatever bad things are going on for you at the moment, just know that you have done a good thing by taking the time out of your day to post those words for me.

Doing kind of ok - my face was sore last night from crying so much, and my beautiful ds gets so worried now when he sees me cry that I am trying to keep it together for the most part. Have had a bit of cramping and a bit more spotting, so :crossfingers: I can hold out until Tues...

I went with Dh to an appt he had this morning with my lovely GP (now to be called Dr Amazing). DH told Dr A what happened yest and she was genuinely shocked and upset. I told her I wanted to come and see her next week after the d&c so she could explain the additional ultrasound findings ("bulky uterus"? Disinhomogenuity of the decidual layer"? etc) to me and she said absolutely. She also said we will talk about what we can do next and be proactive about this. And she will ring around and find the best counsellors in the area that will help with our situation, and have the details by the time I see her next. I wanted to hug her. So next Fri at 10.15am I have a date with Dr A.

Oh, and she bulk billed the 45 minute visit - single appts are normally $60.

I did have a smile earlier - I thought imagine if all of us came to each other's appts? I would love to sit in my ob's office next time with every one of you standing behind me with arms crossed glaring at the dr and just daring them to say - "there's nothing we can do, but just wait and see" :)

Oh and pbstar - thinking of you on your angel's due date too ... :hug: let the tears flow and be close to dh during this difficult time...