i'm terrified :(

[sirenz]

we want to ttc baby #4 but I am absolutely terrified that it will turn into another mc Honestly i can't go through that again.

My GP seems to think that my ds was a fluke: meaning that my body might have probs with holding onto babies but ds somehow held in there... BUT when I asked her if there was any tests that I can do, she said no but that i would have to take it easy and they would have to monitor me very closely... does this sound right?

I really wanted a BIG family, at least 4 children, but now that i'm 30 this year and with 2 m/c and only 1 live child, this dream seems impossible

What would you do?? would you keep trying and hope for the best or would you seek other opinions before trying again? Where can i turn to find out about tests, because obviously my gp has no idea about any tests available

thanks for listening

[Kazmar]

Aw hun I dont have much advice as loosing a baby/child cant be compared to anything
But I guess when ttc there's always the risk. But there's always the chance it wont happen too.

I really hope you get help on this one

[Arimeh]

Every pregnancy carries risk - you may go on to have a dozen more babies and no more losses you know?

My sister had a pregnancy with a healthy baby boy, then a miscarriage at 8 weeks, then found out with testing that she needs to take aspirin during her pregnancies to help sustain them. So she then had another healthy baby boy, then a baby girl who was stillborn at 38 weeks, then a year later, had another healthy baby girl at 37 weeks.

She wants more babies - she knows the risks obviously, and nobody wants to suffer a miscarriage - no matter how many you have had - geez I've never had one, and I'm scared every time I fall pregnant that I'll lose it too.

Everything about pregnancy is uncertain - you never know whats going to happen.

[forshelby]

I couldn't read and not reply. I too had the same feelings when deciding whether or not I was ready to TTC#2 after miscarrying my first pregnancy. In the end, it came down to one question. What am I willing to give to be a mother? The answer was anything. We are now TTC.

I'm still afraid, but I decided no matter how long I wait, that fear will always remain. I don't know if this has helped to clear anything up for you, or not. But I felt like you needed someone to reach out. If you'd like to have some tests before trying again, surely your GP could help? Since they think your DS was a 'fluke', they should be willing to help you, right? Generally they will wait until 3 consecutive losses, but if you apply some pressure, they might allow you some testing.

Best of luck, and this is just my opinion, but I think if it's truly what you desire, then try, and try again. It would be extremely hard looking back and wondering if you would've succeeded if you tried a few more times. I think harder than suffering another loss. But that's just my feelings. Only you can decide what's right for you.

Huge hugs, hun. It's a difficult decision.

[sunshine 11]

Sirenz,
I'm sorry you feel the way that you do. Personally, I would tell your GP you want to see a fertility specialist so they can assess you. Don't assume your GP knows everything about every area of medicine unless you are happy with how they are treating you.
I just went to a new FS last week (we are trying for #2 on IVF and not having any luck) and was checked out thoroughly and told there was nothing wrong physically and I asked if it was likely that it was an auto-immune issues (just look-up auto-immune and miscarriage and you will see what it is and what can be tested - aspirin is one of the drugs given as treatment) but he said given I had given birth to a healthy baby (albeit through IVF) that it was highly unlikely. I have only had very early miscarriages, which are not as traumatic as what you have gone through but I can tell you that unless you think you won't regret NOT getting a second opinion - push the issue. I decided I would feel happier paying money to see another specialist (cost me about $90 after rebates but I didn't have any blood tests, I think I saw a post saying they cost about $500 before medicare rebates) and have tests to find out there was either something was wrong (which could be fixed) or that I was fine and it was just down to luck or chromosonal abnormalities, which only IVF has screening for SOME of the known abnormalities. In other words, it all comes down to luck as others have said.
While it's very true that humans are not very efficient at producing babies, and you may be fine, but if it's scaring you this much, take advantage of modern medicine to appease your mind just a bit!
xx

[garfield13]

(((hugs))) for your losses. I agree that I would get a second opinion, I think your gp has jumped the gun a bit by saying that. Knowing everything my ob said to me last week about my missed m/c - how 'normal' it was to happen & all the good statistics of future. I have a friend who has suffered two 12 wk missed m/c in the last year (after 2 successful pg) and her ob was not worried that there is anything wrong & said they would not bother with any testing until a third m/c.
If you want to get tests before starting to ttc again I would go to a fs or another gp that is up to date with the testing you can have

As to whether or not to ttc again, I am going through the same thoughts currently. But similar to the things previous posts have said, my dh has been saying to me, that pg has risks and so i just need to weigh up how much we can go through to have another child.

[nickle730]

I agree with garfield, sirenz. Unless the GP has given you a reasonable explanation for why she thinks your DS is a 'fluke', I suspect that she has spoken out of turn and perhaps caused you a great deal of unnecessary worry! Whilst absolutely devastating for you and your DH, two losses (particularly with a healthy baby in between) is not an obvious indication of any medical reason you cannot carry another healthy baby to term. Sometimes doctor's don't realise the weight their casual comments can carry!

I agree with the other posts, if you are very concerned and you think it would make you feel more confident in TTC it would be worthwhile seeing a FS and undergoing some basic tests. If you see the same doctor again, perhaps you could ask her to clarify what exactly she is basing her opinion on?!

I'm so sorry that you feel this way, sirenz.

[sirenz]

I too had the same feelings when deciding whether or not I was ready to TTC#2 after miscarrying my first pregnancy. In the end, it came down to one question. What am I willing to give to be a mother? The answer was anything. We are now TTC.

Best of luck, and this is just my opinion, but I think if it's truly what you desire, then try, and try again. It would be extremely hard looking back and wondering if you would've succeeded if you tried a few more times. I think harder than suffering another loss. But that's just my feelings. Only you can decide what's right for you.

Thank you so much for your reply, you are so right! I would give anything for my children and the same should be for future children as well. I don't want any regrets and I think you are right it would be harder than suffering another loss, not knowing if we could have succeeded.

Thank you everyone for your replies, it means alot to have your support. After having another chat with dh about it, we have decided to ttc again and see what happens. If it results in another loss, we will be pushing for tests. Although i am still extremley upset from our last loss and what I had to go thru, I can't let that get in the way of another baby.

Another thing is that AF is currently 3 days late, so I will be going to the shops to get a pg test and see what happens, if it is positive, i will take it as a sign that its meant to be

thank you all so much again, i will keep you posted on the pg test results.

[nickle730]

Oh, sirenz, I have everything crossed for you that you get a BFP and a beautiful sticky bubba!

[forshelby]

Oh Sirenz, I'm so thrilled you've decided to take a leap of faith. I'm so glad I was able to help you make such a tough decision. Keep in touch, I'd love to know if you got a

[sirenz]

sorry for the late reply. AF has since been and gone so now we are on the TTC journey. Thanks again for all your replies.

[forshelby]

Sirenz, if you aren't already lurking in there... come and join us on the ttc after mc or loss may/june thread. You'll get some wonderful support from the ladies in there, I know I have.

I hope you fall pg again quickly.