I totally get how you feel because I felt exactly the same. The reason I think women often feel like this after a stillbirth is that we are Childless Mothers. We have had our baby but we don't have our baby. I think the desire gets stronger and stronger. Everything in your life is poised and ready to give birth and take home your baby and that dream is suddenly ripped away from you. I actually think it's got a lot to do with all the hormones that are released once we give birth telling us we should now be in mummy mode.

I really encourage you to call the SIDS and kids and follow them up. I'm also happy to pm you my number and I can find some quiet time to talk with you.

I was so obsessed with TTC that it caused problems with DH. He said he felt like I was on auto pilot and he felt used. At the time I didn't understand what he was saying but now I get it. The best thing I think is to keep talking. Get it all out and I think you'll find that most of us who've lost babies would have thought exactly the same things at some point.

Spring xx