Trying to Conceive after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth ~ March 09

Hi everyone,

I can't believe I got on belly!!! I have been trying to get on pretty much since saturday night, with no luck. I think there might have been a problem with belly as I was able to get on other sites.

First of all, welcome Chez. I am so very sorry for your loss hun. I am sure that you will find incredible support here among us, we have a very special group of girls here.
I lost my son Joshua in October last year, and had light bleeding for a few days initially (I had my placenta removed surgically). After a week of very light bleeding, I started to pass huge blood clots (sorry TMI) I was totally freaked out. That countinued for a day, and then the bleeing was very light again for a few days, and then it stopped. I got my period 5 weeks after I miscarried, and have had regular periods ever since (except my last one which came on day 27 of my cycle instead of day 29).
Unfortunately I couldn't TTC when I was mentally ready to try again, as the reason for my miscarriage was a huge fibroid which has now been removed. I hope to do a FET in June this year. So to answer you question, try as soon as you are ready mentally. Phisically, we heal fairly quickly (except after a c/s) but it's the emotional side of things which decides when we are ready.
Good luck hun, I hope to hear of a BFP from you very soon :pray:

Nae, I am sooooooooooo pleased that your little bubbie is a littler fighter! I am absolutely thrilled for you hun. Keep up the good work and have some faith!
How funny you spoke to another Beata! When I first arrived in Australia, I thought I was the only Beata here, but there seems to be a few here!! lol.

Diana, I'm so sorry everything has been thrown up in the air again for you. I guess on one hand, to hear that it possibly wasn't an IC, is a blessing. But then to find out that it could have been an infection that could have been treated easily, would be understandably very upsetting for you. I guess you can go with your gut feeling hun, or just put yourself completely in your high risk OB's hands, if you have a good feeling about him. I really don't know what I would do, but I know the weekly checks would help a lot. Big hugs hun :hug:

Teagz, if you want to be like a sulking 6 year old, just go for it. You have every right hun, this is how I often feel these days, although I'm trying really hard to be happy for people getting pg (except of course for our lovelies here!!!). I recently went to a SAND meeting, and one girl there lost a full term baby as the cord detatched itseld from the placenta in the last half hour of her delivery. That was 8 months ago. She came to the last meeting and I thought there was something different about her. She is now 13 weeks pg. I was honestly both thrilled and somehow envious to find out. I wanted to be her so bad, that feeling still overtook my 'happy for you' feeling. Oh well, we can only try hey? Not long for us to go chooky!!!!!

Jo, wow! Not long to go for you hun! I keep everything crossed that all goes very smoothly for you. Where did all that time go?????? Please don't stress hun, you're almost there and I'm positive everything will go very smoothly for you.

Rozzie, hope little Henry is behaving himself and looooves his sleep!!

AFM, not much to report, someone asked if my FS is going to do a hysteroscopy to see if all has healed well in the uterus. Doc didn't mention that, only about the lining check and if he's not happy with the u/s images, he wants to do a MRI. He said that I shouldn't need one, but the girl raised an interesting question, one I'll be asking the FS in May. Feeling a little bit less stressed about things, I just hope and pray all looks good inside and I'm good to go in June.

Big hello to all the girls, I'll catch up with you all soon.

Love B xxxx

Hi everyone,

I can't believe I got on belly!!! I have been trying to get on pretty much since saturday night, with no luck. I think there might have been a problem with belly as I was able to get on other sites.

First of all, welcome Chez. I am so very sorry for your loss hun. I am sure that you will find incredible support here among us, we have a very special group of girls here.
I lost my son Joshua in October last year, and had light bleeding for a few days initially (I had my placenta removed surgically). After a week of very light bleeding, I started to pass huge blood clots (sorry TMI) I was totally freaked out. That countinued for a day, and then the bleeing was very light again for a few days, and then it stopped. I got my period 5 weeks after I miscarried, and have had regular periods ever since (except my last one which came on day 27 of my cycle instead of day 29).
Unfortunately I couldn't TTC when I was mentally ready to try again, as the reason for my miscarriage was a huge fibroid which has now been removed. I hope to do a FET in June this year. So to answer you question, try as soon as you are ready mentally. Phisically, we heal fairly quickly (except after a c/s) but it's the emotional side of things which decides when we are ready.
Good luck hun, I hope to hear of a BFP from you very soon :pray:

Nae, I am sooooooooooo pleased that your little bubbie is a littler fighter! I am absolutely thrilled for you hun. Keep up the good work and have some faith!
How funny you spoke to another Beata! When I first arrived in Australia, I thought I was the only Beata here, but there seems to be a few here!! lol.

Diana, I'm so sorry everything has been thrown up in the air again for you. I guess on one hand, to hear that it possibly wasn't an IC, is a blessing. But then to find out that it could have been an infection that could have been treated easily, would be understandably very upsetting for you. I guess you can go with your gut feeling hun, or just put yourself completely in your high risk OB's hands, if you have a good feeling about him. I really don't know what I would do, but I know the weekly checks would help a lot. Big hugs hun :hug:

Teagz, if you want to be like a sulking 6 year old, just go for it. You have every right hun, this is how I often feel these days, although I'm trying really hard to be happy for people getting pg (except of course for our lovelies here!!!). I recently went to a SAND meeting, and one girl there lost a full term baby as the cord detatched itseld from the placenta in the last half hour of her delivery. That was 8 months ago. She came to the last meeting and I thought there was something different about her. She is now 13 weeks pg. I was honestly both thrilled and somehow envious to find out. I wanted to be her so bad, that feeling still overtook my 'happy for you' feeling. Oh well, we can only try hey? Not long for us to go chooky!!!!!

Jo, wow! Not long to go for you hun! I keep everything crossed that all goes very smoothly for you. Where did all that time go?????? Please don't stress hun, you're almost there and I'm positive everything will go very smoothly for you.

Rozzie, hope little Henry is behaving himself and looooves his sleep!!

AFM, not much to report, someone asked if my FS is going to do a hysteroscopy to see if all has healed well in the uterus. Doc didn't mention that, only about the lining check and if he's not happy with the u/s images, he wants to do a MRI. He said that I shouldn't need one, but the girl raised an interesting question, one I'll be asking the FS in May. Feeling a little bit less stressed about things, I just hope and pray all looks good inside and I'm good to go in June.

Big hello to all the other girls, I'll catch up with you all soon.

Love B xxxx

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for making me feel welcome in this thread. It is so lovely to be able to talk to people who understand me. Where we live I don't have any family around - they're all interstate - and so are my friends as we only moved here 18 months ago. It is sad that everyone has taken such painful journeys to be here, but hopefully we can all support each other in our quest for a BFP!

AFM, I have given into my DH's nagging and have made an appointment with my GP for tomorrow re the bleeding. I figure it can double as a pre-conception check up as well just in case I need to have any more tests done or injections/boosters which might be due. Best to get them done earlier than later. I really have no idea what my body is doing at the moment, but maybe once the physical stuff settles down I will feel more interested in TTC. DH has organised a trip to Tasmania for the Easter weekend to get away from everyone and everything and just be us without all of the reminders and the questions. We are both looking forward to the 4 day escape as life has been difficult these last few days.

Sorry for no personals, but I offer my congratulations to all those with good news, and lots of :pray: for the rest of us who are taking each day one day at a time.

Cherylxx

Hi girls
Congratulations to Nae! See we all told you not to give up! I am so happy there was a little HB thumping away in there.
Chez you will find great support from the women in here, the thread got me through some very dark times. I just wish you never had to venture onto this side... In regard to when to try again, it took me 3 months roughly to get my first cylce back, the OB suggested to wait for one cycle after that. Everyone is different though and he made the comment it is really only for dating purposes, which they have scans for anyway.
Diana, I hear exactly where you are coming from! They really don't know 100% what started my labour off either, I was 4cm dilated when I got to hospital, only reason I went in was I had just had a run of BH, and a show. Was put on bedrest, but sadly delivered our little boy 2 days later. When I fell pregnant again, we spoke about doing exactly what your OB is describing as mine also thought it was more likely the infection, but could not rule out IC. I spoke to my Gynae who was also an OB (who thought it was more the other way around!), and then back to this OB and we decided to do the stitch anyway. My biggest fear was even with weekly monitoring I could have great length only to go home and have it shorten/funnel overnight (so to speak). It is hard because the stitch also carries an infection risk, but looking back now I am glad I had it done for my piece of mind, so far touch wood it has been stable all the way through and I am wondering whether IC was ever the problem. For me it was a matter of doing everything 'just in case'. Good luck, it is a tough one.

Hiya girls, thanks for your advice and hugs.

Jo, to answer your questions, my new OB said IC would not cause the pain I had for weeks and weeks on end. He said generally IC gives very little warning and within days of first sign of pain, or in some cases no pain at all, you go into spontaneous labour. My pain started at week 14 and continued every single day until I went into labour at 21 weeks - he said what I had are classic symptoms of an infection, not IC. Plus he kept looking at my file, shaking his head and kept saying "yep, you had an infection" so I don't know what he was looking at. I believe you and Helen didn't have much warning right so it does make me wonder. I just don't know what to think or believe anymore.
I think I will have the stitch anyway. I will be on antibiotics from week 10 so my risk of infection from the stitch will be quite low anyway and as you said, it's better to do it now, rather than in an emergency situation.

Thanks Helen, I think I will do whatever "just in case" with this pregnancy too. I just don't want to take any chances. Obviously one of the two caused Sebastian's loss so I think it's best to treat both things and be safe.

I've decided not to dwell on the "what if" again as it's really upsetting me too much. I am going to concentrate on getting this little tiger over the line and home with me.

You girls are the best.

Hello to everyone else and huge huge hugs x

DD - I think if you have doubts then to get a second opinion. I have my first Ob appointment yesterday and we did a swab test etc. Ob doesn't want to put a stitch in unless its necessary because it causes more complications later for women who do not have IC. I am seeing a specialist sonographer who is Gyn/Ob trained they will do my NT scan and have a good look at my cervix and will monitor this from 16 weeks (though I may remind Ob that he said from 14 weeks as we get closer) I told my Ob and will be telling the sonographer the seond they think a stich should go in then I want it done. I don't agree with unnecessary interventions personally despite what happened with Niki so I trust they will keep a close eye on things.

I am wondering if you had swabs or bloods taken at all during the 14 week - 21 week appointments? If this new Ob is more specialised in High risk pregnancies I would tend to trust his judgement especially if he actually told you what happened with Sebastians pregnancy. and yes while things can change so quickly with IC, there are risks associated with a stitch too. How frequently are you seeing him?

Stitches can be put in from 14 weeks onwards the complications they have at later dates is the cervix thinning but that doesn't happen earlier on. Why don't you see how you travel with this new Ob first and see how things develop then between 14-16 weeks which is when you started having touble last time you can always demand it then ?

Its your own personal journey though hun so whatever you feel is best but this guy sounds pretty switched on and sounds like you are in pretty capable hands.

Best of luck with your decision.

Nae x x x

Beata, My mum suggested that I go to a few SANDS meetings but I just don't know. I think I like to babble here so I can hind my face a bit better hehe.
That's horrible about one of the girls there, everything about pregnancy is just so unpredictable, isn't it? There are no garantee's. Gosh I'm going to be packing myself next time around I think! I must say I do admire all the preg mumma's here, they seems so calm mostly!
I hope you're all good to go in June as well... Think nice calm, plush, squishy, 5 star hotel womb thoughts ;)(get it? womb? room? Aaahaha. yeeeah, i wonder about my sanity aswell sometimes, don't worry! hehe) Only 54 days to go! Not that I'm counting...

Aah, Chez, sometimes the OH are worse than us I think! DF had a bit of an internal battle with himself when we started TTC again. One minute he wanted to wait for all tests results to be back, next he wanted to just go for it and see what happened and then he demanded medical attention at any site of blood that appear in the wrong time frame of my cycle. I think he was stuck between making sure I was ok, making sure what happened never happened again, and then his instincts for being a dad and wanting a bub were taking over as well, poor bugger.
After we lost Jayvan we disappeared for a few days after chrissy, it was wonderful. Despite the circumstances. It was great to get away and into our own headspace without any outsiders iykwim. I hope you guys have fun together :)

Hi to everyone else! I will come back later and do more perssies. My head is a bit fuzzy lately and I'm very unmotivated atm! (hence procrastination!) Weddings plans are stll going full steam ahead. I now have half a celebrant (waiting for her to get back to me!) a place for a ceremony (an old heritage listed homestead out in the middle of nowhere, so pretty! A work friend of mine knows the owners so its the right price too) and a florist (my cousin, who informed me that I am jumping the gun a bit with organising flowers now. Oops!). I was saying to mum the other day I don't know why people get so stressed out over organising weddings, so far everything has been so frikken easy with getting everything on the right date. But I was told I'd be swallowing my words two weeks prior. Oh well, a girl can dream of a stress free wedding, right ? ;)
Bring on the long weekend, I hope everyone has a nice relaxing easter xx
:heartbeat:

Hi all

Just thought I would update you on my GP visit. She's concerned about the ongoing bleeding so I am scheduled for an ultrasound tomorrow afternoon. I really hope I don't have to go in for a D&C. I've also had some blood tests done to check a few things including my iron levels. I've started iron tablets as of today on my GP's advice. She has also referred me to a pysch for some grief counselling. Since I didn't really connect very well with the last counsellor I am hoping that the psych will be different. Back to the GP again on Thursday for the test results.

I had the most awful e-mail from my mum today who thinks I have post natal depression and "should have moved on by now", i.e. gone back to work and pretended it didn't happen. She told me I needed to see a doctor to "cure my problem". I was so angry at her. I wrote back that she wasn't being supportive or helpful, and that we needed to take the time to grieve for our baby, no matter how long that took. I am not too surprised by her insensitive comments. I guess it is her generation but she's a mum, surely she should be able to begin to imagine how I am feeling? AAAHHHHH!!

Anyway, that's enough from me. I would love to be able to be part of your discussion about whether to stitch or not, but I only know about IC from the grief books I have read recently. Honestly, with so much that can go wrong during pg and birth I don't know how we continue to reproduce as a species! I guess my gut feeling, if that counts for anything, would be to go on the anti-biotics early and if the u/s showed any hint of anything happening with the cervix then put the stich in then. Not sure if that helps.

Hi to everyone here. Hope your TTC is a short one.
Cherylxx

Cheryl,

just noticed you're in Canberra, so am I. I can recommend Sids and Kids for counselling, we found them quite good.

I can't believe what your mother said... I won't even go into how wrong she is. But I would like to say that your loss is so recent that of course you're going to 'feel' depressed. I remember the counsellor telling me that often depression is misdiagnosed in grieving parents when it's really intense grieving. The midwife asked me last week if I was depressed after our loss and I thought about it and don't think I ever had clinical depression, just grief. Don't question your feelings because other people want you to be 'over it' and back to normal.

Beata, I'll be interested to hear how your doctor checks your uterus...don't remember if I posted this but during my C-section they said my uterus was paper thin in parts and whilst I can have another pregnancy, if it happens again it may be my last.

Jo, only one more week is it? Can't wait to hear of your little girl's arrival!

hugs to all,

XXX Rozzie

Thanks Rozzie

We saw a SIDS and Kids counsellor last week and while she was nice enough, neither DH or felt that she understood our situation or that we connected with her. It did help me to realise that what I am feeling is 'normal', if there is such a thing. Thank you for your kind words of support regarding my mum's message. Some small part of me thinks that maybe by trying to return to normal life and pretending that everything is ok will be of help, but the other (major) part of me believes that that will only cause problems for me in the future. When my dad passed away (I was 15), I went back to school and exams the next week. I wasn't allowed to grieve for him and it took me more than 20 years to recover to the point where I am now be able to speak about him and his illness and death without breaking down in tears.

And I would also be interested in finding out about how the Dr checks the uterus lining. My periods have always been light only lasting for 2 or 3 days at the absolute max and I have always wondered whether this might be an indication of a thin uterus lining. I have had a couple of early miscarriages at 4.5 and 5 weeks. Perhaps that's why?

xx

Cheryl -- I wanted to write a note to express my support in regards to your mom. It's not an uncommon theme here, whether it be parents or other family members or friends, and lots of the girls here know that it's one that I've been struggling enormously with. Your story about grieving for your dad is especially familiar to me, as I could say the same about what happened after my sister died. Pressure to "get over it," bottle it up, a sense that it somehow isn't appropriate for a kid (in my case 10, in your case 15) to grieve openly, all leading to, as you say, all of it coming up with "compounded interest" many years later, like now when we're dealing with a new form of tragedy. I'm sure the generational gap is a big part of it, as you say; talking about miscarriage is still surrounded by a strange taboo today, so I'm sure many of our mothers are used to it being hushed up and are without emotional resources to handle a support role.

I whole-heartedly encourage you not to try to force yourself "back to normal" at an artificial pace as I think you know that it will provide at best a temporary relief only to be replaced by bigger problems later. Talking to the girls here can be part of the outlet that you need; you can be perfectly honest about how you feel here and not be told to just get over it!

Hello Everyone,

There is lots to catch-up on. I couldn't get onto BB on Sunday either and have been away for work.

Welcome Cheryl, I am so sorry for the loss of you son Ryan, I went through a very similar thing to you. My daughter had a chromosome abnormality as well (mosacism), the physcial results of that was a serious heart condition amongst other things and she was not going to survive. I was induced at 19-weeks, it was the worst thing I have ever been through. I bleed for about 5-weeks and then had some 'sudden' heavy spotting every now and again for another week or so. My ob said this was all very normal. He also advised to wait for one cycle before trying. All the very best to you and I hope you conceive a healthy baby very soon. I also wanted to say that its bollocks that you should be 'over it' by now. You are grieving the loss of your son, you have been through one of the worst things a women could go through, so please don't feel any pressure to move on. I still have my moments and I lost my daughter in Oct 08. I think time does heal and it gets easier, but you will of course never forget him. Do things in your time and don't feel rushed.

Nae Nae, I am soooo very pleased to hear that all is well and bubba is sticking nicely. Continuing to pray that your little one grows nicely.

Diana, you poor dear, I would have been very upset at hearing all of that as well. It sounds like you have already made your decision, so I wish you all the best with that, it is not an easy one to make but I completely understand you wanting to cover all bases. As you have time, perhaps do some more reading on the subject to ensure that you are 100% confident.

Beata, I'm really praying :pray: that you get the all clear next month to do the FET in June, you are almost there hun. At the rate I'm going I think I'll still be on the ttc train in June! I know I should be more positive, but this month of trying was not very eventful as my DH has been crazy busy, but things will be much better from this month, so fingers crossed.

Teagz, glad that the wedding plans are coming along well and is not stressful. Not long for you either.

Lan, thinking of you hun, how are you going?

Cindee, how is your beautiful little girl going? I hope that she is doing really well and continue to grow nice and strong.

Jo, not long for you. Wishing you all the best for the safe arrival of your precious bubs!

Hey girlies, a friend of mine sent me through a song called Spring by John Butler (who never ceases to amaze me, such a billiant artist) because it was a "nice sad song" she thought I'd relate to. I thought I would share it with everyone : )

So Spring is in her belly,
It's sprouted in her soul,
and no one had to tell us,
we did just know.
and now life seems a little more, somehow, meaningfull
and I looked at her like I always do and I see, beautiful

Just the thought of you changed us,
I remember exactly when,
but as soon as you say hello,
you say goodbye again,
and now she feels abandoned,
Forgotten and betrayed,
well there ain't nothing I can do,
Theres nothing I can say.

But,
Don't go away so soon,
Im hopin to meet you,
when will our paths cross again?
I know we'll be the best of friends.

Thought I'd like to meet you,
See what you looked like,
I bet you look like your mother,
boy, you'd be shining in the light,
but your not coming out to play,
Not tomorrow or tonight,
And now I hold her crying
Yes I hold her body tight.
Yes I hold her body tight.

and I say,
Don't go away so soon,
Im hopin to meet you,
when will our paths cross again?
I know we'll be the best of friends.

Don't go away so soon,
I'm hopin' to meet you
When will out paths cross again?
I know we'll be the best of friends.

Now its a month since your visit
and your memory lingers on,
Somehow feels like your around,
even though i know your gone
and in these times when you feel so low
Aint nothing you can do
But we're still thankful for your visit
Cause we changed cause of you,
Yeah we changed cause of you.

:cry: what a beautiful sad song, touches so very deeply and resonates with the soul.

The last verse gives me goose bumps...

Hi Girls,

I'm very frasturated ATM as belly either crashes on me or I can't get on. Just a quick post in case I lose it again....:wall:

Teagz, that's a beautiful song, thank you. Just a quick note about SANDS, the meetings have helped me heaps since I've been attending, but it's really full on. You have to tell your story every time you attend (cos there's always unfortunately someone new) so it really saps all your energy sometimes. It's the only place (apart from the psych) where I fully open up with lots of detail about my loss, so in a way it's my outlet to let everything out, and these girls have all been there so they understand. I don't think I'll go once I'm pg though.

Cheryl, I totally understand where you're coming from about your mum. My mum really disappointed me when we lost Josh as she kept pushing me to get 'over it' and leave him in the past, as thinking of him is only holding me back in the past. I was so upset every time she said it. In the end I told her that she didn't understand, and that was really disappointing as I thought she would be the one to understand the best as she is a mother helself. These days we don't talk about Josh as I don't want her to say anything hurtful to me again. Really quite sad.

Diana, I think you should do what feels comfortable to you, and listen to your intuition. If you feel better if a stich goes in, then do it, as you won't relax at all during your pregnancy otherwise. The other thing you can do is seek another opinion, but ultimately, do what feels 'right' to you.

Megan, thanks hun. Don't worry if this month wasn't so great with TTC, there is still next month and we could be cycle buddies with Teagz in June!!! Really looking forward to June now, I'm learning to relax a bit and concentrating on other things to take my mind off 24/7 from TTC and babies!!!

Sooooo, Teagz, Megan, Cheryl, Dee & Lan, lots and lots of good positive baby energy and lots and lots of :bluedust:and :stickyvibesboy: to you all. We really need a new BFP in here soon, we are overdue girls!!!!!

Hi to Theresa, Jo76, Jas & Laney, I hope your pgs are going well and you're enjoying them now!

Tildy, Jo and Sue & Helen, hi guys!! Jo, Sue & Tildy, not long for you girls!! Good luck to you all, I hope everything goes smoothly for all of you lovelies :crossfingers:

Rozie, thanks for your comment about your uterus after c/s. I really can't wait to find out how mine has healed, so I'm praying it all looks good on 4th of May. I was thinking about it today, and they didn't touch anything inside as the fibroid was growing more on the outside of the uterus. I think the issue with mine is that the wall is somewhat weakened by the incision so they just want to make sure it has healed properly. I don't think inmplantation is going to be a problem, as even when I had the fibroid, it was never protruding into the cavity. Fingers crossed hun!
Hope you're really enjoying your beautiful little boy, I so wish that will be me one day!

Big hugs and lots of love to you all :grouphug:

Beata xxxx

It's funny how we'll get a huge run of BFP and then it's a drought again
52 days beata!
Thanks for the info about SANDS, I did look into it a while ago but the lady who ran it liked to have one on one sessions first before you join the group and I hate that phsychologists feeling - I have a fear that they are just going to tell me my life is warped and I'm living it all wrong XDD And I quite like my life, depsite having to live it without my little boy.

Chez, I can't beleive what your mum said to you. I won't even go on a tagent on how horrible it is.. Just keep in mind that we are all here for you. We'll look after ya right up until you're holding your little bundle! ;) After that we'll just live vicariously through your joy hehe :hug:
I have a bit of an oposite affect on my mum. She had a still born bub between my brother and I, Jamie, then lost a baby at 16 weeks, then finally had my brother. We were all terrible babies and each one of us came out with our chords tied in knots around our necks. Poor Mum, it's a wonder she hasn't got more wrickles and gray hair! She totally understands what I feel like and seeing me go through everything brings back her pain for her babies and she'll have a bit of a cry with me. Somtimes I wonder who's meant to be comforting who. It is nice though, that she gets it, even though we set each other off a bit.
You'll sometimes find that the last person you'd think would be helpful, will be the best shoulder to cry on. I have a friend who is as far away from having kids as you can get, and she's been amazing. But anyway... I'm on one of my tangents again!

AFM, So far, I'm not sick, my bits are gerat (sorry for TMI) and I feel physically normal. Those herbs are the shizzle. The next couple of months are going to fly by I think, Easter weekend, the long weekend for Anzac Day on the 25th of April, then DF and I are going away on May 15 for Jayvan's birthday for another long weekend. Then I'm heading North for 3 weeks, leaving on the 22 May and getting back on the 15th of June. Oh... I'm going to miss you all so much! xx

Tilda, Berry1, Teagz & Beata thank you so much for your wonderful words of support regarding my mum's comments. I haven't heard anything back from her since I sent the e-mail telling her to essentially back off and try being supportive and understanding. I guess I'll wait to see what her next move will be. I expect she will try to phone on the weekend but as we are leaving first thing tomorrow morning for our escape down south I only have to get through today!

Yesterday was very exhausting day for us both, physically and emotionally. I started the morning with an AP session but I found it dificult to relax as I was concerned about my GP appointment later that morning. As it turned out, my GP has scheduled me for a D&C next Wednesday which I am defininitely not looking forward to but she and the ob/gyn that she has referred me to has convinced me that it is probably the best thing to do. So now I am on 2 lots of anti-biotics, still off the alcohol because of them, and waiting for Wednesday. We were very impressed with the new ob/gyn our GP referred us to (the last one we sacked before the induction - a very long story - and used the public system) as she actually listened to us and treated us individuals and answered all of our questions, even though we kept asking the same types of things over and over, she was very patient, understanding and seemed genuinely sorry for our loss. Very refreshing! Oh and she said we should start trying as soon as possible after my first period - the whole dating thing again and that we should use BC before that - but I don't care because the chances of us falling pg first time around are probably less than us winning lotto, and we don't even buy tickets! :D

We also spent 90mins with a psych which was emotionally very draining, and I think beneficial for me. DH didn't really connnect with her so I am not sure what we can do to help him - he's not into support groups.

Anyway, that's my update. I hope everyone has a relaxing Easter and maybe the Easter bunny will bring some extra special :bluedust::pink-babydust: for everyone!

Hugs to all
xx

Hey Cheryl,
I'm sorry you have to do a D&C but so excited that you can TTC very soon! And never say never to falling pg on your next cycle hun! I have adopted this motto now, and feel a lot more empowered as anything is possible really!!!
I hope your mum comes around. I gave up on mine but only b/c she is very stubborn and I can't see her taking a new view on things. She truly believes that my grieving and thinking about Joshua is keeping me from moving forward. What she doesn't understand is that I CAN move forward, whilst thinking of my little boy, he'll always be a part of me wherever I am in life. I'm just so blessed to have all of you girls and my 2 closest firiends (they both have had losses so they also understand) to be there for me and understand where I'm coming from.
As for your DH, mine also isn't into support groups. He went with me to my very first SANDS meeting, but then felt I needed them more so he didn't go after that. My psych often asks about him, but I tell her that he only really feels confortable talking to me about Joshua and that's fine with me. I just recently found out from his younger daughter Jayde that she had a younger brother who died at 17 weeks gestation. I was initially upset with DF that he never told me about Michael, but he said that he didn't feel the need to and it was in the past. I then understood that he grieves very differently to me.
Enjoy your trip hun and thanks for your Easter wishes. :bluedust: & :stickyvibesboy: to us all!!!!!!
B xxxx

Hi lovelies,

Teagz, you'll be away when I'm possibly doing my transfer! Oh no!!!!!! You simply must find an internet cafe while you're away (if you can tear yourself away from your own agenda ha ha) as I'll need you here for support hun! It's now only 51 days to go for our BFP, it's starting to feel more real now....yey! I'm so glad you're feeling heaps better now and your girlie bits too :redface:

Diana, I suppose you must be at your busiest now :doh: Continue to look after yourself and just think this crazy time is almost over. Big cuddles coming your way and lots of belly rubs for you little one :heartbeat:

Nae, I pray your little beanie baby sticks like super glue and that the next few months are a bit more uneventful for you hun. Big hugs sweetie :hug:

Megan, I truly hope the next cycle brings you a sticky little baby hun :pray:

Lan and Dee, always thinking of you girls and praying hard for your BFP's as well :pray:

Hi to everyone else, I hope the Easter bunny brings everyone a nice little surprise :grouphug:

Love B XXX

Hello,

Cheryl, I'm glad that you have found an OB that you are comfortable & confident in, that is very important. I hope that Wed comes and goes very quickly for you hun, I know its a horrible thing to anticipate, but the sooner its over the sooner your cycle will get back to normal and you can try again. It won't be long until you will be joining us ttc'ers. I really pray it happens for you super fast :pray:

Beata, not long at all hun. You have been so amazingly patient with it all. I pray that you get your BFP on the first transfer :pray:

Teagz, nice that you and DP are planning some time away in the near future, DH and I really need a break soon as well. We may go away in June as its our wedding anniversary :D

Well, AFM, AF arrived today, which I did expect so wasn't as upset this month, but it still is disappointing. I am find the whole thing quite difficult, but I have no choice but to be patient and to solider on. My DH's work has really settled down, so it will be much easier for us to get to business this next cycle. Really praying this is it. Praying for a January baby :pray:

Dee, how are you going? When is your next transfer? I really pray the next one is successful for you.

How are you feeling Diana? I hope you are well.

Hey Lan, always thinking of you. Hope you are doing ok hun.

Have a wonderful Easter everyone.

girls i am still here just a few things in my life that i'm trying to sort out will be back with personals in the next couple of days but i'm still keeping tabs on you all.

Megan, :comfort: sorry AF arrived this month. I truly hope May is your month hun :pray:. I admire your determination and strength and patience. And I know all of this will pay off for you soon hun, don't ever give up sweetie!! :hug:.
B xxx

Hi girls,
Happy Easter to all my beuatiful friends!! I hope everyone has a nice day and eat lots of yummy chockies!
Love
Beata xxx

Hi girls,

Just wanted to say hello and see how you all are. Teags, and beata and Berry - hello. Hi to all the newbie's and sorry that you have found your way to this forum. We're all very lucky to have eachother here - it really got me through some bad days talking with you all.

Nae - we're so much alike, its so scary. I'm on dial up as well, and I also had a little bleeding at the 4.5 weeks point. I went to the emergency ward CONVINCED I was losing the baby and had an ultra sound, and yep, everything was "so good, so far". And we're due one day apart!

DD - if I didn't know better I would think you were tapping my phone lines. I have had the same response from my new PB. He believes there was a possibility of infection and or placental bleeding from when I lost Grace. BUT, he hasn't ruled out an incompetent cervix either. I told him that I didn't want to get to the point in this pregnancy where I was in the waiting period (i.e that day by day, are we going to make it) because that was very traumatic. But he has assured me that there is no less success rate in putting a stitch in before the cervix shortens or when it just begins to shorten - (and he is an exceptional (and expensive;)) high risk and Maternal-Fetal Medicine Specialist). Sounds like this thing happens more frequently than we realise. Anyhow, I am really sorry for the both of us that this happened but you have something very important to focus on now in this current pregnancy. Give all your loving energy to that little beanie inside you. I hope with every part of my body that this Christmas is the best ever for all of us and our husbands/partners.

AFM - So far, all is good - going in for fortnightly ultrasounds just to put my mind at rest. The worry sets in about two days later - its killing me.The morning sickness seems to be subsiding(ish). I am on Maxalon (a very safe anti nausea tab) and I reckon if I came off it I would know the true brunt of how bad it really is. I did my morning up-chuck this morning and because I feel good now (in the PM) I am getting all worried. It really is hard on the nerves being pregnant after two losses.

I am going to have a lie down now, my biggest hugs go out to everyone. Much love, Jasmine. xxx

Happy easter everyone, sorry I've been MIA. Went away for Easter and just got Back.

Beata, I will work out how to do the internet thing on my mobile for when I'm away. I don't want to miss out on your transfer at all!!!

Hi to everyone else, I'm off for dinner at the IL's but I will be back tomorrow to do some more personals.

Special :hug: to berry and chez. Sorry about AF, Berry. And Jos, sending huge sticky vibes. You're almost double digits!

Loves loves xxx

Beata & Teagz, thank you for your kind words of support. I didn't expect this month to be successful, but the whole ttc thing in general is getting me down. We are going to plan better next month and cover all bases, so feel good about having a plan ;) I must say I am so glad to have short cycles about 26-days, it means I don't have to wait long to try again. Has anyone elses cycles changed since going through a loss? My cycles use to be more like 29 - 30 days. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced that and if it is normal?

Dee, nice to hear from you. I hope all is well.

Jasmine, great to hear that everything is still going well for you. I can understand you being anxious in-between scans. It will be a relief I am sure once you are well and truly into the 2nd trimester.

Lan, hope you are doing well.

Just popping in to wish everyone a Hoppy Easter,

hoping you all had a good day, for me it was a bit hard but you get through it don't you. Having lots of chockie eggs was a bonus ;)

Love to all

Nae x

hello to you you lovely ladies i am back.

okay we have done another fet and blood test is this friday so only a few more days to wait until we know. this transfer was a day four this is the first time we have done this so hopefully fingers crossed all will be good.
welcome to chez67 i am so sorry for your loss but as all the girls have said all the ladies in here are beautiful people. congrats to joselyn hope you have a wonderful 9months.
Berry thank-you very much for your concern
big hi to beata and teagz hope all is going well and also nae it is so good to hear everything is going well.

Well girls i had a pretty difficult couple of weeks ever since i had chloe dh family has been very cold towards me and always making little remarks about me not being in brisbane when i went into labour and going through all the what ifs which dh and i told them we weren't going to do, anyway i thought that i was doing really well untill dh sister and mother both had a little dig at me about doing ivf again and what if the same thing happens, i was a bit stunned i thought they would be happy that we are trying again but No so everything that i had been ignoring finally came to a head and i ended up having a go at dh about it all and bought up remarks that they made at the funeral and how i felt that they blamed me for chloe passing away. To top this all off dh has a 14yr daughter from a previous realationship she and i have never really got a long, and she had many emotional issue's that she needs to work on towards her father and myself well she sent me a lovely e-mails saying that i took away her chance of having a little sister and because i wont send her any photo's (decision made by dh and myself) of chloe i am not giving her the right to even remember that she had a sister, this really sent me over the edge and i just really had to have a bit of a break away from the internet and all the emotional stress. but have spent a lot of time chatting with dh about the way i feel and am feeling a lot better now. sorry for the really long rave but it feels better now that it is all out

Berry, AF used to be all over the show for me. Infact, I've POAS more times than I would care to mention XD Now I have a 26 day cycle. I have read that pregnancy clears alot of those dramas up for some people.

NaeNae :hug: Happy Easter chick! We didn't do the easter thing AT ALL, cos I'm horrible XD

Hi chookies,

I'm stuck at work today and tomorrow, but my work is closed this week (ie no production and almost 95% of people are away this week). I'm taking turns with another girl answering the phone...yeepee ;)

First of all, Dee I am so sorry you're so stressed dealing with your DH's family. What are they thinkng?????!!!! Don't they realize you are hurting so much because your little girl isn't here like she was supposed to be, and you'd do anything to have her back?? I just don't understand the mentality of some people. Is is so hard to get a bit of support here???? I think they have very big issues themselves which they need to work out. I can partly understand the lack of support as I had/have issues with my own mum, but she never had any negative comments about IVF, she is so excited that we're trying again in June. She just wasn't very supportive towards us when we lost Joshua, as she was just interested in us moving forward (and forgetting about Josh) and having another go so she could ba a grandmother.
Dee, unfortunately some people are pretty ignorant about certain things (such as IVF) and they think if we tried really realy hard, we'd get pg naturally. Well, I wish this was the case, but sometimes it's just not. Some of us really need this treatment to have a baby.
My advice for you would be to just ignore their comments as they are very hurtful and you don't need any more stress while undergoing IVF. As for your DH's daughter, maybe she was looking forward to having a brother or sister and she's just sad that she didn't get that chance of having a sibling. Maybe have a good chat to her and tell her exactly how you feel. Big hugs hunny, and pleeeeeese don't stress about them all. You look after yourself first and foremost, as that is the most important thing. I wish you soooo much good luck for Friday hun. I truly hope and :pray: very hard that this is the one!!!!
I'm :pray: so hard for a BFP for you hun!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!!!!

Megan, my cycles after Joshua were the same (29 days) except the last cycle which was only 27 days. I very rarely have a shorter cycle, so maybe this was one of them. I wish mine were shorter like yours too!! It's O time for me ATM so for the first time in months I'm really TTC hard naturally. Oh well, it could happen!!!!! Anything can happen (my new motto is NEVER SAY NEVER!). I would be stoked if you got pg on your next cycle hun, especially that you'll really give it a good go. Oh, let it be!!!!!:pray:

Jas, I'm so glad m/s is wearing off. But I also understand your anxiety as it's probably better to feel 'off' so you know you're definitely UTD!!! all the best sweetie, just reading your last couple of posts you seem a lot more happier and positive which is great!!!

Teagz, I want you to have the best holiday!!! You just need to be on stand by, that's all!! ha ha. I hope you come back knocked up lovie!!!! :pray:

Nae, sending you lots of nice big sticky vibes and big big hugs. My easter was a bit average too, I kept thinking if Joshua was here he'd be wearing the biggest set of bunny ears I could find! Just missed my little darling :(

Diana, let us know you're OK! You must have slowed down a bit by now surely???? Hope all is good at your end.

Cheryl, I hope you've had a nice little break :p

Hi to all my other lovely friends, big hugs to everyone :grouphug:

B xxxx

Well get ready for it...
This morning I woke up with a cold! and, i'm trying to decide if i'm going to get hit with thrush again -.-; Bah!!
I went to see my naturopath today though who has supplied me with a stronger dose of herbs and she thinks it should really hit it on the head. Fingers crossed. But, I explained to her that have AF I get a dry feeling down there, and then thrush seems to come a couple of days after that feeling. So she thinks I have low oestrogen levels(which supposedly makes everything down there moist(I hate that word!), she then compared me to how this happens to people who are premenopausal. GREAT! Although she assured me that's not the case with me, but still is a bit of a :o moment) and because it's dry when I do things (like walk, etc) it's rubbing against itself and making abrasions and then bacteria gets in there and causing thrush. So. Now I need to get all my hormone levels tested 2 days into AF. I'm telling you girls this because you're all smart cookies and I know squat about hormones! I feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall. AND THEN, we DTD last night and ran out of condoms, and I'm only CD 8 so I thought I'd be fairly safe but no, I was faced with huge amounts of EWCM this morning and now I don't know whether to start these herbs or not, and I was a little reluctant to mention it to her because he gives this "im disapointed" look out. But anyway, I'll stop whining now!

Beata, I had a play on my phone last night and I can get to BB from it (yay!) which is a bonus for me as well because I was pretty sure that I'd get pretty hefty withdrawals - If all elsed had failed I was going to see who here had facebook, and stalk you that way!
Did I see down there you are starting to TTC naturally for a bit? That is so great! and so great that your little body is Oing and everything. Eep! I'm so excited! never say never for sure! I hope you get a little surprise for mothers day ;) Crossing all my digits! :hug:

Dee, sorry hun but I say stuff 'em. They need to realise you're aware of what can go wrong and you don't need them around to make you focus more on those negitive outcomes, you need them for support and to help you stay positive. I'd be telling them that to, if I were you.

Jos, that's great about the US, I think I have commented on them before. BUt still, how nice to see your little bubby every 2 weeks!

Erk, I need to go lay down. My nose is so blocked my eye is throbbing from all the pressure. Yum! I will be back later hopefully

love you all! xx

Oh hunni, that stupid cold! I hate when I get it too! Runny nose, sore throat, aches and pains, yuck yuck and more yuck!!!! I hope it goes away soon hun. Hopefully the herbs will help, so far they've made you feel heaps better.
And stay away ugly thrush!!!!!!! Sending you lots of healing energy and I :pray: you're back to your cheery self soon.
:heartbeat: B xxx

lol thanks beata, i'm a strong chook. I just like to whine alot XD :hug:

Hi my darling girls

Do you believe this is the first time I've had a chance to log on and check up on you all !
It's madness at work atm. One more week left of this event then I can have a day off - it means I have worked 4 weeks straight now with only one day off!

I was thinking of Tildy this morning and I wanted to see if there was any announcement and was also wondering how Jo went with her stitch removal... ouch.

Sorry I don't have time to catch up on all the goss but just wanted to pop in and say HI and I think of you all, always.

Come on BFPs... and big hugs to our mammas.

Hugs and big kisses and I will catch up properly soon x

:

---

I was thinking of Tildy this morning and I wanted to see if there was any announcement and was also wondering how Jo went with her stitch removal... ouch.

---

Nope. :( The doc swept my membranes on Monday and still nothing. She says the nasty cold can be keeping me from going into labor, though I was already dialated 2 fingers. But the cold isn't letting up, and Friday's most likely induction is fast approaching. I'll let you all know how it feels to have an induced birth while not able to breathe... :doh:

Tildy, all the best for kebab's arrival, I really hope everything goes well and little bubs arrives safely.

Hi Diana, nice to see your ticker! Take care of yourself women, working 4-weeks straight is madness, what is your workplace doing? Make sure you get the rest you need.

Teagz, I hope you are feeling better. I have had a cold myself since Monday night. Hopefully it goes away for the weekend ;)

Beata, I really pray that you get a miracle baby this month, how amazing would that be. I'm with you, never say never. :pray:

Dee, your situation sounds quite stressful. My view is that you should confront the sister & MIL, it seems that they know they can now make these comments and that you won't react. The comments are ridiculous and they need to realise this, not to mention cruel. If they comment again about you doing IVF, then ask them what you should do then, because the alternative is not having kids at all!!! Dee, don't let them get away with making you feel like losing Chloe is your fault, you really need to stand your ground with them. These people are your family now whether you like it or not (sorry about that ;)) so I think its best that you have it out rather than get angry and frustrated to yourself or your DH. Sorry for the ranting, that type of situation really annoys me. I do think you can defend yourself in a nice way, but let them know they can't continue to treat you like that.

On a more positive note Dee, I really pray that the blood test shows a BFP tomorrow. Sending all the positive vibes I can to you. :pray:

Looking forwards to the weekend. Hope everyone is well.

Morning Girls!

DD, firstly. How the HECK do you do THAT! I struggle working 5 days in a row with 2 days off inbetween. UGH! You deserve a well earned weekend and mucho pampering, honey. xx

Tildy, aww, fashionaly late huh? hehe, It'll happen! (If it hasn't already!) I'll be sending some ..breaking water vibes? over the weekend! ;)

Berry, Hello lovee :hug: I hope you feel better as well! It's not fun being sick that's for sure.

Beata :hug: for you too. Not long now! I think we're hitting the 40's in our countdown now. 45 Days? Woohoo!

AFM, nope. This cold won't let up. Humph. I'm dosed up on codral cold &flu tabs atm and feel a little spaced out. Ha! Thrush didn't come (YAAAAAYYY!!! I am a free woman at last!) So i've been able to actually enjoy practicing the BD. Hehe. Such a relief. This is the first month after AF (and after having my D&C in Dec) that I haven't gotten it (touch wood). I should throw a party in it's honour.

I hope all you beautiful ladies have an excellent weekend :heartbeat:

Hi lovely ladies

I hope everyone is enjoying their autumn weekend!

Dee - I was thinking of you yesterday - hope your b/t went well and am sending lots of :pray: for a BFP! And I agree with Berry, you need to stand your ground with your family and ask them to give you understanding and support. They should be able to respect your and DH's feelings and that doing IVF is not out of choice. I too have been told, and continue to be told by supposed well meaning people that we just need to relax to fall pg! It has to be the most useless old wives tale ever told! Remember that we understand are here to support you, even if your family doesn't!

Jas - hope you're feeling ok and I understand what you mean about the ms coming and going. We don't want it to come but when it goes we want it back to reassure that all is ok. Hope your doing well.

Teagz - vaginal dryness can be caused by lots of over the counter medications as well as being an hormonal issue. I'm not an expert but I have read that things like anti-inflammitories and anti-histamines (which might be in your Codral meds) and some cough mixtures are all culprits in this regard. My motto has been not to take anything other than panadol, and only then when I absolutely have to. Things like neurofen are also really bad for egg quality, although I only found this out about 18 months ago, and according to my FS since our bodies 'select' the eggs about 8 months before ovulation, it can take a long time to get out of your system! Anyway, I'm glad you didn't end up with thrush again :dance:. I have been madly taking Inner Health Plus along with the double dose of anti-biotics I have been on for the past week to try to avoid it myself!

DD - Working 4 weeks straight sounds like a lousy deal to me, especially for someone who is in their first trimester! Hope work settles down and you can have a well deserved break!

Tildy - hope your induction went smoothly (yeah, I know, I'm an optimist!) and your holding your precious little kebab in your arms right now!

AFM, had D&C on Wednesday afternoon. Had to wait ages to go in as the other surgeon was running behind schedule by 1.5hours! Anyway, it all went well apparently and I haven't had much pain or bleeding since. It wasn't too emotional for me as I think I had a week to process it all beforehand, although I did have a little cry when the aneasthetist was talking to me. He mentioned that the ob had already discussed our case with him and he was very sympathetic and understanding. My ob mentioned she was a bit sad because she had 4 D&Cs to do that afternoon, all due to pg loss/late miscarriage. It was so nice to finally be around some caring and compassionate specialists. We are thinking that if we do fall pg again, we will definitely ask for a referral to this ob.

I had a bit of down day yesterday, nothing in particular happened, but I think it might have been a bit of relief that we were finally ending the process of losing our baby, but also a sense of loss because the last of the physical aspect of being pregnant had gone. I know this doesn't make a lot of sense, but it was how I felt. And all I kept thinking was I should be 23 weeks pg and setting up the nursery and enjoying being pg, but all of this has been taken away from me. So I was feeling a bit sorry for myself as well. Thanks for reading my ramble if you have gotten this far.

To everyone else here, a big :hello:. Hope you have a relaxing weekend.
Cheryl

Hi ladies

Just wanted to check in and let you all know that our princess has arrived safe and sound!

Kaitlyn James, arrived 14 April 2009 at 5.04pm. 2.825kgs/6lb 3, 47 cm long

I won't go into detail about the whole experience, but basically the stitch turned out to be a tricky bugger to remove (currently still MIA) but my ob managed to get it cut. I was already 2cm dilated and ready to go so he broke my waters and brought on labour with the drip. I was in labour for 4 and a bit hours, no pain relief after the massive gas out-of-body experience during the stitch cutting. We are home from hospital now and things are going well so far. BF is happening, and she sleeps well after feeds and DH and I are completely and utterly entranced and in love.

I can't wait for you all to bring your babies home. A bittersweet feeling but too wonderful for words also.

I don't know if we are allowed to post photos on here directly but I'll take a risk for you all...

Love to you all x