Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage Feb/March 08

AF slowed down a lot and I feel normal again, but I put myself on iron because I must be anemic right now.

jo76: sending cyberhug because you sound so sad. my edd was 5/2/08, although I tend to commemorate the angelversaries instead because it reflects what really happened in the bub's life, rather than how I wanted it to turn out

Simba: I used to work in the pharmaceutical industry and the drug companies tend to be much more conservative in what they can put in the drug labeling than what docs actually prescribe it for. Did the brochure say absolutely not to be used in preg, or just that they had no information to support it? You might want to check online to see if there are any studies or anecdotal reports about pregnancy and zoloft

Hi Everyone.

Jo and Simba - I hope you are both feeling okay. It is such a rough road and even though we all know we have to stay positive it can be so difficult. Sending both a hug.

Barbara - how are the renos going? I hope March is a good month for you.

TM - same to you. You always offer everyone such wonderful and kind advice. I know you will have good news soon.

I am waiting on my BT results. I got all nervous and suddenly thought 'What if the dr meant for me to make an appointment today and therefore won't call'. So of course I called and left a message. Not sitting waiting for the phone to ring. For every time I manage to get positive and relax, some awful thought then comes and bites me. DH is trying hard not to get too attached to this bub just in case. I told him last night that we can't allow fear to rule our lives and spoil things for us. It is so hard to want something so much, but know all the things that can happen. I have the ob appointment in 2 weeks, so doing a countdown.

I will keep all of us in my prayers. I hope you all have lovely, happy and stress-free days.

hi all,

its a bit quiet in here lately - hope you all had a nice weekend. dh and i had a really restful break down at the beach - surfing and swiming and finishing a book that i had started ages ago. so all in all a great few days. still no AF now up to CD 41! did test last night still BFN - i think i am starting to go crazy with this waiting!!! i just want to know either way. i am getting my hopes up as this was exactly what it was like with Lani almost to the day last year and i worked out that i didnt get BFP until day 45 with her. so not sure if she is up there controling it all? not sure if i really believe in all that but it is so weird how it is all playing out the same at the moment!!

TM - thanks for your advice - i am sure my Dr wouldnt have prescribed it unless it was safe - i will try and call her this week and double check. hope the iron helps you feel a bit better.

Katie - you are so in my thoughts at the moment. i can only imagine what it feels like now for you. wanting to be positive but not wanting to get too attached. i guess i can only offer my thoughts - i think about my time with Lani (9 months in my belly and 2 1/2 weeks outside) and although it wasnt enough it was her lifetime and i did everything then to make it special for her. so i guess now for you and hopefully all of us here soon that we must try and think of each day and how special it is to have that little living being with us. life is precious and sometimes painfully short but we can choose to make the most of every minute. sorry for preaching - hope that helps you. hope all is good with your BT results.

jo - Happy Birthday for Sunday - hope you had a great day and hope you managed to enjoy your time at the beach. Hope that AF is easing up and you are feeling positive for March.

Mel - nice to meet you and thanks for the well wishes.

StarBright - thanks also for sharing and for your support. it helps to know what might be ahead for me - i really appreciate it.

I'm almost over AF--haven't spotted yet today, but it's only the morning. Then it's back to trying again. You gotta keep your sense of humor in this business or you'd go nuts

Simba: So glad you had a relaxing time with DH. It's so easy to get focused on baby-making and forget each other.
So you wrote a book? What's it about?

TM - sorry to disappoint - only read a book not wrote one. i wish i was that clever - maybe one day!!

hope you are all well - still no AF for me not really sure what is going on but just trying to be positive and keep myself busy so i dont think about it too much.

take care
xox

We get to start DTD tonite and I have mucus! Feeling very hopeful (yeah, TMI. I know, but I don't care.)

Simba: LOL! "finished a book" you started "ages ago". Naturally, I thought...oh, well, never mind.

Read a book, wrote a book....not too much of a difference!

TM - good luck with your cycle!

For some reason I have woken today feeling a lot more positive - and the only thing I can put it down to...is having to go to the toilet during the night. I think sub-consciously I have decided that is a good thing and that the pregnancy is sticking. Crazy! But at least I am getting a break from my round the clock worry. I am going to visit my mother this weekend, and escaping the grand prix in Melbourne. DH has his father and best friend coming to stay, and I decided I would disappear! Too much talk about cars, beer and testosterone for my liking.

Hi ladies - sorry I have been gone awhile. renos keeping me busy and crazy. plus i ovulated a couple of days ago so...well you know DH and I were busy.

TM - Good luck catch that egg!! :fertilise:

Jo - Sorry for the heavy bleed. my period has been crazy heavy since m/c. and happy belated birthday. IKWYM about taking getting preg for granted. it seemed like DH sneezed and I was UTD with Anthony. But like you andall of us we have to be kind to our bodies b/c it hasn't been that long and we are still healing.

Simba - Sorry for the BFN but it ain't over til the fat lady sings. I have also heard of women taking zoloft when pregnant. i am so jealous of your weekend at the beach. I am so tired of this winter weather here in the states.

Katie - I love the positivity. I bet you were never so happy to have to pee. I remeber it bothered me so much with ANthony, now I can't wait to go every 3 hours. I agree with getting away. Too much testosterone stinks. :stickyvibesboy::stickyvibesgirl:

well I have been talking to my body for week now. Giving it plenty of praise hoping it helps with getting pregnant. hey whatever works.

Barbara

tommorrow is friday .. hooray!! i had a bit of a breakdown at work today. was in the staff room getting a tea and could feel the emotions rising up, someone asked was i ok and i just burst into tears. feel like i have been putting on this facade for the 8 weeks i have been at this job and now its all falling down. am actually contemplating finishing at the end of next school term. i feel bad for the kids and the school that i will be letting them down leaving halfway through a year, but i just dont have the energy to do a good job at the moment. DH wants me to keep working there so i get maternity leave next time and i know logically that makes sense but to be honest i just want to quit and have no extra pressure in my life at the moment. maybe i should be spending all my money on lotto tickets rather than pg tests and then i might not need to work!

Barbara - nice to hear from you. i really hope this is your month. i love the "talking to your body" thing i am going to do that ... i am so nuts already no one would probably even blink an eye lid if i started doing that!!!

Katie - so glad that you are feeling positive - harder said than done sometimes but i guess its one of the best things you can do for your bub so well done and keep up the positive vibes.

TM - never tmi after all ttc is what we are all thinking about. i wonder what our DH would chat about if they were online? (sorry that was a bit of a randon thought but just though how different their perspective of ttc and dtd would probably be!)

jo - hope you are doing ok.

My hysteroscopy revealed four follicles! I'm rather stunned.

Katiegirl: fingers remained crossed...

Anthonysmom: fingers crossed for you, too...

Simba: sending cyberhug. Grief catches you up at the worst moments, doesn't it? Can you take a few days off instead?

ok - so i had decided that there must be something going a bit wrong with my cycle as i was up to day 44 on friday and still BFN so i made an appointment with my OB for this monday. on saturday i was out and decided to buy a test as i had none at home. i had no intention of doing one until monday morning, but when i got home temtation got the bettter of me even though i knew i had only been to the loo a few hours before. anyway initially it appeared to be neg. but then a faint line appeared!!! DH was so excited - we went out last night and he was so cuddly and protective of me it was really sweet.

woke this morning at 8 and tried to get back to sleep but couldnt so got up and did the other test and this time a darker line so am pretty sure now its a :bfp: i dont think its really sunk in yet - i havent even cried or anything i actually feel really calm.

i really think my little angel had something to do with it - it was exactly the same day a year ago that i tested positive with Lani. DH is convinced because of this its going to be a girl.

thanks all for supporting me and keeping me sane to this point - couldnt have done it without you all!!:grouphug: i hope that it continues to be catching and there are lots more BFP soon.

love to you all
xoxox

Congratulations Simba! That is such wonderful news. :stickyvibesboy: :stickyvibesgirl:How exciting for you and DH. Him being protective sounds so very sweet. Welcome to the rollercoaster, it will be nice to have you beside me. Please feel free to be as excited, nervous or neurotic as you want - we all understand.

As for me...well I had some brown mucous yesterday morning and convinced myself it was all over. It appears to have stopped as of lunch yesterday with only the tiniest bit last night. So I am just waiting to see what happens. My sister told me she often gets brownish mucous in the first trimester, so hanging on to that that hope. I am working very hard on trying to relax (near impossible) and not lose hope. I know it is so important to not overstress, and I also need to believe in this baby more.

Simba - congrats again! And to Barbara, Jo and TM - looking forward to you both joining us soon.

Oh Simba, I dont really know you but just wanted to pop and say congrats on your wonderful news :confetti: I am sure Lani had a hand in this little bubba, and she will be watching over you and her sibling all the way through and doing everything she can to protect you both. How amazing that you got a positive with Lani at the exact same time last year, maybe its Lani's way of letting you know she is there :hug:

Katiegirl - Sorry you have had some spotting, how stressful :( Dont loose all hope yet though, if it stays brownish and light then I wouldnt think it is not going to be anything but old blood. I havent had any spotting this pregnancy, but when I was 6-7 weeks pregnant with Nicholas I had some brownish spotting and convinced myself I was miscarrying. I know he didnt make but I lost him at 36 weeks so that spotting had nothing to do with his death. Keeping :crossfingers: that it settles down. If you are really concerned though, my advice would be to call Mark - he is so approachable and would be happy to organise some bloods for piece of mind. :hugs: to you, welcome to the rollercoaster :rolleyes:

Barbara and anyone else in the TWW - lots of :bluedust: coming your way.

(sorry for crashing :))

thanks katie - sending you :stickyvibesboy: back. i am sure it will all be fine just think of the little angel watching over his little brother or sister i am sure he wil make everything ok. thanks for being my rollercoaster buddy.

thanks mel - just saw your post after i had sent one to Katie so didnt want you to think i'd left you out. it might take me a bit of courage to join the PAL thread but i'll be there soon. thanks again :)

hey everyone!

well, i have'nt been on for about a week and it has been really hard. (maybe its been less but just feels longer) I have'nt had access to a computer as i have been so busy and i have really needed this site this week!
But first!!!!!...
simba - i am really happy to hear your news. I can understand your nerves as i am not sure how i will cope when i get a BFP. But i really hope this is the beginning of some wonderful things for you and DH!:dance:
Katie - I hope all is ok with you! The brown mucous could seem daunting but pls stay positive! the peeing sounds like a great sign for you and may be the one time we actually are happy to get up during the night! I am thinking of you!

I am really excited there is a couple of us getting there!

As for me, this week was hard work. I was working a few extra hours this week so was already feeling the effects of that after going to part-time for the last month. Then on tuesday my IVF friend had her baby, which i was so excited about as she has wanted this baby for so long and struggled for years to get there! Then i went onto her facebook and saw the photos that night and was still the happy excited friend. then on the way home to our friends where we are staying i hit a massive wall. Emotionally! (not as in a car crash!) You could say i fully slammed into it! i was in tears like you would'nt believe as she was only a few weeks in front and we had talked about our babies playing together etc very early on in our pregnancies. So i think her happy healthy baby combined with the disappointment of a late period all slammed together at once. So then i was upset because i felt i was being so selfish but it made me realise just how much i had lost. AGAIN! It seems those feelings just don't wanna go just yet. I saw Dh inside and just burst into tears again and then our friends who walked in on it also then stayed in their bedroom for the rest of the night. Which is where i ended up also. I was still not great the next day either but at least had a full day at work to get my head and thoughts busy with something else. So its been really emotional and all i could think of was all you guys as i could'nt think of anyone including DH that i wanted to speak about it to. Now i'm feeling a bit better and am hoping i am joining the BFP club very soon!
we are at mum and dads for the next week and a half as they are going away so i have lots of computer access! YAY! Then on the 25th we get the keys for our new house! Finally setllement is near! YAY x 1000!!!!!
Please take care everyone!
xxx

Been going through a major emotional roller coaster the last few days. After the initial excitement of the four follicles on my ovarian ultrasound, I started to panic, picturing myself with quads, picturing my husband passing out cold on the floor, etc...Then I picked up my prescription of ovudrel, which the package insert said it increases the possiblility of multiples, especially when taken in conjunction w/clomid (like me). so I wasn't sure whether to BD or not, did it anyway, and went to my FS today, where he told me that one of my follicles is clearly in the lead for development and the chance of 40 year old me having multiples from this drug is extremely low. *whew*

But then he goes on to tell my my uterine lining is a "little thin". Not that I"m suprised, because I AF profusely and long, so I didn't have my usual time between ending AF and O. But I decided not to fret about it.

But then they called back after I got home this morning and said the doc got my bloodwork back and he wants to see me in his office tomorrow. So now I"m upset again, and thinking it's bad news and maybe my eggs are all cr@ppy and I'm just getting too old for this and so on and so forth.

Not to mention the kids are all fractious today, and DH is down in the dumps about his dad passed away last month (normal grief, I know--but today I need somebody to be there for ME), and my friend who I usually call to vent to is out doing family stuff (the nerve of her, having a separate life!)

I never thought it would be so hard to have another baby, and besides, I wonder if I really need all these chemicals to make me ovulate--I get pregnant fast, I just have trouble staying pregnant (4 mc's). Maybe their just doing more harm than good, if my uterine lining is any indication.

So, any words of encouragement would be so appreciated right now. I'm usually a positive person, but right now none of my real life people are there for me, and I don't want to sink too low.

Enough about me, how about you:

Simba: Congratulations! I'll be praying really hard.

jo76: I"m so sorry. Sending cyberhug. Be really good to yourself right now, and if it makes you feel any better, everybody on this site has felt exactly the way you did about a friend or family member having a baby. We won't judge.

How hot is it? (for the rest of you melb girls!) PHEW!!!! Bring on the air conditioning! I usually love the sun but the rain is looking great right now!
TM - just wanted to let you now you are in my thoughts! Eventhough it is easier to say than to do, please try not to stress yourself out too much as you really don't know what they may have to say to you until you get there. i ahve always been that person that has been positive until i have heard the bad news, even in the case of Jack, i still believed at the emergency ultrasound i would be seeing him kick around not getting the bad news i did. So I hope your appointment is in the morning so that you don't have to aniticipate the answer for too long. But don't give up, my IVF friend that i have spoken about various times on here, she is my inspiration. All she has ever wanted to do was be married and preg and she finally 6 years ago met the man (at 33) and then from 3 mths after they met were trying for a baby. Fast forward to being on IVF for 5 years and numerous miscarriages, pokes and prods, tests and visits in and out of hospital (she was similiar - would get preg but miscarry early) and one finally stuck firm! She has just had a little girl and I know that all she has been through would be very worth it for her right now. She has had fibroids removed, battled bulimia and had basically one ovary and tube left usable, so use her to inspire you, because I really consider her one of the strongest people i know!
simba - how are you going?
katie - update me!!!!!!:D i hope you had a good weekend!! I get what you mean about the car race, DH and my dad sat and watched it so since i had no where to go, did the washing! awesome! ha!
barbara - love your talking to the body thing too! maybe we all need to that a little more! Mantras are supposed to be a good thing! I am really trying to look after myself right now, i hope all is still ok with you and your renos!

jo - i bet you cant wait for the 25th - it will be so nice for you to be in your own place and not be around people all the time (good chance that will help ttc as well!) the heat is such a killer - my classroom at work doesnt have aircon so today was very tough - poor little kids were melting! my friend had a baby the other day too and i am happy for her but just get so ****ed off that we deserve that happiness too - so completely understand where you are coming from and i think feeling like that is pretty normal (whatever that is!)

TM - i wish i had the right words to say to you to make you feel better. will be thinking of you tomorrow at your dr appt. someone once said to me that god only ever deals us what we can handle - not that i am overly religious but i liked that thought that someone believes we are strong enough to face what is in front of us - even if we dont think we can. you really have so much on your plate at the moment - take care of yourself. :hugs:

katie - hope that mucous has all cleared up and that you are feeling happy and positive.

Barbara - hope that you are going well - how many more days till testing for you? so hope that this will be the month for you.

went to the OB this afternoon - he sent me off for bt to determine how many weeks as my cycle has been so irregular. i will get the results tomorrow arvo. he said i could be up to 6 weeks but i think its more like 4 so will wait and see. anyway off to dinner with some girlfriends, dh is off taking clients to the rugby so i decided i should go out too!

take care everyone and bring on the cool change!

Ask and you shall recieve! Thanks for all the encouragement--it really helped a lot. And you ladies know just what to say because you've been through it.

Well, the FS just wanted to do another ultrasound and more bloods and good news! My lining caught up its development overnight and now it's a normal size, one of my follicles is ready to pop, two are almost there, and one follicle is pretty much out of the running. So I took an ovudrel shot tonight and have to BD tonight and either tomorrow or wed nite, then start progesterone pills on Saturday. My FS doesn't check progesterone levels first, he just puts everybody on it on general principles. Which is fine with me. So after a trip to Victoria Secret to spend a gift card I had lying around, I'm all set for this week (yeah, TMI).

Thought I'd post this funny little Dr. Seuss poem I found:
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
~ Dr. Seuss

Wow girls!!! I told you :bfp:'s are contagious!!!!! Wahoo Simba!!!!

tm i LOOOVE that quote!!!! Good lcuk with everything!!! It all sounds promising!!!

Katie girl... i hope all is well and sticky!!! xoxox

hey everyone!


Simba - can't wait to hear how far you are - i am really happy for you!And having our house and our own space will really make a difference, physically and def emotionally! I 'll feel as though i'll have the space just to be me, you know?!?
TM - I love Suess so that was a really appropriate quote! And i am REALLY happy to hear that you had some good news. Nothing like going out and buying some new undies either (and VS stuff is gorgeous, i love going to the stores every time we go to the USA. GORGEOUS!!!) I am sure DH will be very appreciative and will make your spirits lift too! Sending you heaps of luck! (and fun...wink wink!)
Katie - are you out there? thnking of you! Hope all is still going strong! i'll check the other forums and see if you have been there instead and get the update hopefully!
Barbara - sending you loads of luck too!:D

take care everyone! heres to some more BFP's!!!!!!!
xxx

Hi Everyone. I have been a bit missing in action. Firstly

Simba - can't wait to hear how far along you are. What a bonus it would be if you are already 6 weeks!

TM - so happy to hear that you had good news from your FS. Good luck with TTCing this week, fingers crossed it is your turn for a bfp.

Jo - glad to hear that you will finally have your own space. I can not imagine how hard it must be to not be able to grieve whenever and wherever you want. You have done amazingly well to cope the way you have. Your new home will feel extra special because of the lack of privacy you have had to endure.

Barbara - hope all is well with you.

Okay - so with the brown discharge as I mentioned it stopped on Saturday. I called my Ob yesterday morning when i returned to Melbourne. He told me that he wanted me to get a scan straight away. He did say that he thought it would show that there was not a problem but it was better to check. Luckily DH was home so I did not have to go through this alone. I managed to get a 3:30 appointment. Being told to have a scan meant that we both started imagining the worst, but I decided that this baby deserved to be trusted and believed in - if that makes sense. The 4 hour wait was excrutiating. DH was very upset, mainly because the last ultrasound we had was bad news. So we were both nervous and anxious and I was praying non-stop. Well - to cut a long story short....it is all good news. We saw the heartbeat - it is amazing to think at 6 weeks we can already see the heart beating away. It was quite emotional for us both. The dr who did the scan was not very communicative and it took him ages to say that he saw the heartbeat. I am now feeling a lot better about things. So I am now moving forward with hope in my heart.

Thanks for all your lovely and encouraging thoughts. I have no idea how I would cope without you all. :hug:

hi all, sounds like everyone is in good spirits today - some days are just better than others hey!

i had a bit of a s**t day at work - the assistant principal basically yelled at us in a staff meeting as if we were 5 years old. i am all really over it am pretty sure i am going to finish work at the end of June and then just do some part time replacement teacher work- just dont need the stress.

my ob didnt get the blood test results today so will have to wait till tomorrow. have been feeling symptoms though which i guess are a good sign - sore bb's mainly as well as kind of a stretching feeling in my abdomen (not cramping though so not worried)

my ob just rang then to say he had the results and all good the hcg results probably indicate around 4 -5 weeks which i expected so he wants me to have a us in about 1 -2 weeks. how nice that he rang at 8.30 at night knowing that i would probably get a better sleep knowing. he is a real gem. he has been so good through it all - even came to the funeral which meant so much.

sorry no time for personals but am thinking of you all and sending you all lots of :bluedust:

thanks all my wonderful cyber friends - i am so lucky to have you :grouphug:

just wanted to wish you all a happy easter - hope that you all have a restful break. dh and i are going camping for the easter break and will be back monday night so will catch up with you all then.

take care,
sim xox

hey all!

had a s##tty day with dealing with banks today and our settlement on tuesday. They got it so wrong with dates etc, yet there was me running around crazy trying to tie up the loose ends. All is good now and by 2.30 tuesday the house SHOULD be ours! HOORAY!!!! And after this I am never moving again!!!! lol!

katie- so glad that all is ok with you! was getting a bit worried so i am really happy you got to hear bubs heartbeat - must have really put your mind at ease also! Its amazing what ultrasounds can pick up now...
simba -have a great camping trip - we thought about it but since so much is happening next week with us moving it was probably best to have a veg weekend at home.
tm and barbara - hope you guys are ok!

have a fab easter everyone! enjoy the long weekend!
xxx

Jo - Tuesday will be here before you know it.

SImba - Big congrats to you. Glad to hear all is going well

Katie - I remember hearing the heartbeat for the first time. It is magical.

TM - Love the poem. good luck this month

Well I have had a busy day off. Spent the day looking for tile and then putting it up in the kitchen. My period is due in a couple of days. I actually got my hopes up a bit today, even though my temp dipped just a bit this morning. I was nauseas a lot today. Plus with all the work in the kitchen I started to get faint a few times. I remember feeling that way with Anthony when I didn't eat enough. SO I gave in and tested once DH and my uncle left for dinner. Well I went in POAS and when I wiped I saw just a faint little hint of red on the toiler paper. Well I was devasted. needless to say I got a BFN. I expect AF to be here tomorrow. The only hope I cling to is that it may be a bit early 10 DPO and I also had some bleeding with Anthony around day 27/8 of my cycle too. But this time I think its different. I think the BFN is here to stay. I am in tears. This was my last chance to be pregnant beofre ANthony's due date, which is in 2 weeks and I am struggling with.

Barbara

Its official. I'm out. AF came this morning. I won't be pregnant for Anthony's due date (april 6). I know we have only been trying a few months but I am devastated. hope you ladies are doing better than me.

Barbara

Barbara, I'm so sorry. I know how much you wanted it. Sending cyberhug.

barbara -
I am so so sorry - i know how you feel getting it, as that was me last month. And no doubt this month as my body just seems so screwed up at the moment. I'm not sure if mine will come on the 25th as "normal" (and i say that lightly) or the
5th when it actually decided to come!
I am sending you loads of hugs all the way from Aust and really want to make sure that although this is huge for you that you don't give up hope!
xxxx
(i am trying to get those damn symbols up but their computer is giving me issues!!!! )

Ok now I am really starting to lose it. I have been temping for a few months now. I got AF on Saturday morning,but my temp has yet to drop. It dipped just slightly (still .35 degrees F) above coverline. And this morning it actually went up .1 degrees. I even slept without covers last night to make sure that wasn't effecting my temp. I am praying I don't have any hormone problems. I can't take anymore problems. I am so happy for Katie and Simba and now I heard my cousin may be pregnant after a year of trying and a m/c and needing assisted conception, but with every BFP that is not mine, I get more and more depressed.

Barbara

I started the progesterone pills yesterday, and so far, no side effects. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping/praying for a BFP.

Anthonysmom: what you're describing is "irregular shedding" ie your temp drops before or after the day you start bleeding. Let me ask you--are you full flow yet?

Simba - I know about screwy bodies. sorry about the computer. you will be in YOUR house soon.

TM - glad the progesterone is going well. I am at "full flow" somewhere between medium and heavy. I am on baby aspiring for my messed up MTHFR gene. I wonder if that causes screwy bleeding? Tomorrow will already be day 3 of my cycle so my temp should definately drop, right?

Hope all you ladies are well.

Barbara

Happy Easter everyone.

Barbara - I am so sorry that AF has come. I know how much to meant for you to be preg for Anthony's date in April. All I can say is that I understand you being upset and I hope that April brings some better news. :hug: I can't offer any advice about why your temp is still high - could it be something to do with the aspirin?

Hi to everyone else. Not much news from me. Had a very busy weekend. For some reason I started to get anxious again yesterday. I have got it into my head that I don't have enough symptoms. I get little thoughts that all blend together to create one big load of anxiety. It is all irrational but so hard to not allow myself to get stuck in a cycle of worry. I am seeing my Ob tomorrow so hopefully he will offer some reassurance.

hey everyone!
our house settled today!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! finally! As of this weekend we will be in the house and i will have way to much space to think about but will have an awesome time furnishing! Can't believe it is finally here!:dance:
katie - A bit of worry for any of us and what we have been through is going to be normal, but i can't believe though that your OB appoint is here already! I really hope that you can push aside those worries long enough to enjoy your visit to him. No symptoms are ok. In my pregnancies i am that horrible girl who everyone loves to hate as i don't get one ounce of morning sickness, i don't show until late (eventhough i want to) and all the constipation, sore boobs, etc i never got either. Just the great side effect of the boob growth spurt which lets face it i will not say no to! So that is quite normal too! And maybe (positive thinking!) it is just your body finally giving you a nice break so you can just enjoy being pregnant!
barbara - :hugs: I have been thinking about you! our damn bodies are so screwed up sometimes! I don't know what to say but at least TM seems to have some good info. Some of you girls are amazing with what you know about our systems! i am learning things all the time just being on this site! Please take care of you!
TM - keeping fingers crossed for you!!!!!!

Right now girls i am waiting for my AF to arrive between now and the 5th due to my weird cycle last month. So wish me luck that it does not come! Not that DTD has been a regular occurance anyway! (again - no house of our own = less privacy!:doh:) immaculate conception perhaps? So i am not hoping too much as i don't want the disappointment of last month. Plus i am hoping the excitment of a new house ...well, you know!!!! TMI! I too am really conscious of jacks EDD coming up quicker than ever! I have one month and have asked for the time off already to do anything but be at work! So i still have alot going through my mind. Made easier by my now manager saying she had been conscious of when the date may be coming up so she could allow me the time! Even though she does'nt often acknowledge it (too difficult for her) it was nice that the silent thought was there!
wish me luck house (yay!) cleaning tomorrow!:cryinglaugh:
xxx

Barbara - so sorry that af arrived for you. was so hoping for you this month. dont really know what to say but thinking of you and hope that your wait is not too much longer. take care of yourself - you deserve some pampering - a massage or some retail therapy couldnt hurt?!

jo - so happy for you about the house. good luck with the move on the weekend. it will be so nice for the two of you to have some space to yourselves. fingers crossed for you for this month but if not i am sure next month will be hopefull with all that time to yourselves! so glad your boss has been supportive about jack's edd it would be so hard to be at work that day. lani's bithday and the day she passed away are still a while away for me 26th nov and 12th dec but i know they are going to be very emotional. even with this new bub finally here then i know that it is going to be a hard time. take care of yourselves - have you thought of doing something special to remember jack on that day?

tm - have my fingers crossed for you - so glad that things are going better for you lately. when can you test?

dh and i had a really relaxing easter we got to see some surf at the pro at bells beach. dh got vip passes though his work so we got to meet some surfers which was fun. i have no symtoms really either katie so know how you feel - yesterday i was almost tempted to go and buy a test just so i could see the line i just dont quite believe it still. 2 1/2 weeks till my scan and then hopefully it will sink in then. anyway am enjoying some time at home - school hols this week and next so no work for me!!

anyway take care ladies and sending lots of :bluedust: you all deserve it

Hey, girls, I had one of those moments recently that we all know too well. I was on another forum, completely unrelated to fertility, and one of the girls was going on and on about her best friend who's sonogram revealed she's carrying twins! I'm ashamed to say how jealous I was. Granted, it's not a forum I go on frequently, and most of the other users are not moms, so they wouldn't know how it would affect me (they do know about my mc). And besides, the world is not about to stop for me, but I had to confess my jealousy here, and then I'll be okay.

The weird thing is, I'm not jealous when one of us on this forum gets preg, I guess because we've all shared the same trauma.

I called my FS today because I've been on progesterone since Saturday and haven't had breast tenderness yet, but his nurse said it was "a little early" to expect that. I wish I had been in the habit of charting my BB symptoms, but all those years of NFP, it didn't matter--it's not considered a sign that it's a fertile day, so I didn't worry about it.

Barbara: yeah, I would definitely expect your temp to have dropped by now. If it doesn't, let your FS know what's going on. Baby ASA might make you bleed heavy, but I doubt it would cause irregular shedding (but if you learn something different, please share!

Katiegirl: you're entitled to more than a few moments of irrationality these days. but you know to call your doc if you really get crazy

jo76: congrats and best of luck!

Simba: I can't test until about 13dpo because the hcg shot I took takes about that long to clear my system, so I'd have no way of knowing if it were drug or "real" hcg

Katie - I think having anxiety is perfectly normal. After our experiences there is no way to avoid it. Just remember a mantra they say in the pregnancy thread. "I am taking this baby home."

Jo - stay away AF!! SO glad to here about the house. Don't bet against the immaculate conception. A very good friend of mine swears she had sex only one time all month when she conceived her daughter. They were actually trying NOT to get pregnant. Your boss sounds terrific. I have less than 2 weeks and I don't even think hardlyany people even realize it (even my close friends)

Simba - So lucky to be on holiday. I can't wait until our next school holiday. I am jealous of the beach stuff. I used to live on the beach in California and loved going down to watch surf and volleyball events. I think I may take your idea on the pampering. I certainly can use a mani pedi.

TM - I still feel uncomfortable when I see a pregnant woman. I have friends who know my situationa nd talk about babies and pregnancy all the time. To be honest I am so happy for the ladies in here with BFP (yeah Katie and SImba) but am jealous none the less. Good luck with testing. I am feeling very positive for you.

SO my temp dropped on Monday which was day 3. I feel like I am always waiting for something to be wrong, which is why I freaked out when my temp didn't drop. I am trying to stay positive (but it is hard) I think that I put this timeline in place to get pregnant for Anthony. I need to not look at it that way. it won't make my son come back to me. I need to look forward. more positive thinking. with that said I am a wreck lately with his due date coming. i think about hm constantly. I am trying to balance my thoughts and love for my son with trying to bring a new shild into my life but yet keeping the two thoughts separate. I don't think I am making sense. On another positive note I have now lost 19 pounds of pre-pregnancy weight. (29 with the 10 pounds I gained during pregnancy) still got a lot to go though. remember ladies keep it positive.

Barbara

Hi Barbara - I totally understand how you feel envious about pregnant women. Even though I am now pregnant, I still find it uncomfortable when people talk about babies and pregnancy. We had friends over on Sunday for Easter, and one started talking about his girlfriend how has completed an ultrasound course which would enable her to do 3D scans. He kept going on and on about it, and at first I was ok but then I started to get a bit uncomfortable. He even said 'it would be for people who are having their first baby' - and to that my friend said 'or their 2nd' which I was so grateful for. He then went on about it being a 'reassurance' for people. I honestly thought he would never shut up. He was so blind to how uncomfortable I was that I actually started laughing. I think people forget how painful all these reminders are for us - especially considering that we would still be pregnant if we had not had our losses. When is Anthony's EDD? Nathaniel's is 23 April. We are going away that day for a 5 day break. We plan to get up and go to the beach and watch the sunrise - I will also take a white rose for Nathaniel. I also plan to go to Mass that day. We then have a midday flight for a 5 day break. I am thinking I might take off the 2 days before hand. It is so hard to know how we will feel leading up to it.

So Barbara, I hope the next 2 weeks for you are okay. Take the time to grieve for Anthony. And know that you will get your next baby soon. I do feel that losing our babies makes us appreciate the next ones even more. We all know that you just can't take pregnancy for granted.

:grouphug: for all of us.

Hey ladies - as usual itt seems pretty quiet in here.

Katie - Anthony's due date is Sunday, April 6. I wish we could go away but I have commitments on saturday. I am going to paint my second bedroon that day (it was going to be his bedroom). And then probably eat a huge ice cream sundae, which will not work for my low-carb diet, but i don't care.

Jo - Hope you are lving the new house. hope AF stayed away.

TM - Are you ready to POAS yet? Good luck.

Simba - how are you? hope all is well.

Well as I said Sunday. I am freaking out one minute and being strong the next. My DH and I will be painting our spare bedroom that day. My cousin came over on Sunday to see the renos we have been doing and he said our spare room looked great so far and will be perfect when we have a baby. I almost cried. On Saturday I have to go to bridal shower. I think it may be a good distraction. Man I really wanted to be pregnant by now. As happy as I am for the women here it is still so painful. I remember when I got the all clear to TTC (we didn't that month becasue I wasn't ready) but I posted it in another thread. A lovely woman who m/c about the same time as me said wow she couldn't believe I was ready (which i wasn't) i saw that she is now pregnant. i am totally happy for her. she deserves it. but darn it so do i. sometimes i believe that i really was never meant to have children. and that god gave me ANthony so that I can say I was pregnant once and did have a baby. sorry for the downer thread, its a downer week. can you ladies say a prayer, light a candle, just think about, (or however you feel comfomfortable) my son Anthony on SUnday. It should have been the happiest day of my families life.

Barbara