Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage June '08 #2

Reading about Mel1977 truly broke my heart. I've told some of the girls at work about it and even they shed a tear or two, despite none of us knowing her at all. I can't imagine how painful it must be for her.

I'm glad to hear about Katiegirl being kicked though!

When I see all of you talking about temperatures and I was at the beginning of a cycle I figured I might try charting my temp now, too. However, since one of our two beloved little cat babies never came home on Tuesday night and has been missing since, I've been a wreck -- I finally started to see a hint of light in the future after losing our baby and BOOM, I found out that the devil wasn't done with me. I haven't slept properly for days, I am puking and not able to eat, my temp has been 36.9, 36.2 and then 36.8 the last three days, and both me and the hubby have admitted that we can't bring ourselves to have sex right now. I have no idea if some of you think it's dumb to be so broken up over a cat, but we definitely have been kicked when we were down.

Katiegirl--Congrats on the baby kicks! Sounds like you've got yourself a little gymnast in there! How cute, I can just imagine her in there giggling, not letting her daddy feel her kicks! See, she's testing him already! :lol:



Tildy--Oh, I don't think it's dumb about the kitten at all! My DF found some ducklings at his work that had to be moved, and the mom flew away and left them. So he brought them home, and they were so cute, and everyone loved them, and we showed them off in DS class... We awoke in the morning to find only 2 left alive. By the next morning they were all gone, and the last one we really thought would make it, it cuddled and snuggled with me all day long, but before bed that night I went to check on it, and he was gone. :( It was a painful blow... too familiar, too soon... so I know exactly how you feel! I'm so sorry! :hug: Seems like things like that always happen at the most inopportune times. Yesterday I was researching something on a site I must've gone to when I was pg, and it said "welcome back, Jenny, your baby is 30 weeks today". It was a pretty big downer... and then Mel's story just broke my heart... :( I'm :pray: for you that you find your strength and keep your faith! Don't forget we're all here for you!

Tildy,

you're not being silly about your pets, our cat helped me after the loss, then we got a puppy a few weeks ago which was great, and I'd be devastated if anything happened to them. I hope you find her.

Don't give up on the charting... I only just started again and my first few temps were all over the place, but have steadied since I started taking them at the same time every day, even setting my alarm. You may not be able to TTC yet but it may help you the month that you do feel like it.

Love,

Rozzie

Tildy - I understand how you feel about your cat. I had a cat for 16 years growing up and he died when I was 21 and I still get upset about it - 11 years later!!! It is a bit of joke in our family that I still have photos of him in a frame at home and get upset. He was my best friend for 16 years - so yes I know how feel.

Take time with TTC - but you know my sister who has had 2 late losses gave me some advice back in Jan that really stuck with me. I had gone home to visit my family and after 6 weeks of spotting and finally thinking this were ok, I started spotting again. It sent me into a decline - and as she has been through this she was the one who was able to talk to me about it properly. She told me that we shouldn't put off TTC for too long or else we would get too scared to start. She said it had happened to her and her DH after their 2nd late loss - and that she didn't want it to happen to me. It really hit home with me, and I am glad that I listened. So basically listen to yourself and work out when it best for you - but don't be too scared to start. :hug:

Ok must go clean the same sister above and her DH and 4 children (yes she has 4 as well as her 2 angels) are coming to stay in our 2 bedroom apartment for 4 days!!! Need to childproof this place.

Katie is right... I think I've come to the "too scared" stage. Right after we lost Hamish I desperately wanted a baby to hold and wanted to be pregnant immediately. But now, almost three months on I'm so petrified of TTC, being pregnant, going to ultrasounds, waiting for heartbeats and most of all, of holding another dead baby in my arms.

I do have my grand plan of doing my naturopathic pre-conception program for six months then TTC in October but it's also a crutch to lean on.

A friend asked me when we'll TTC again and I said "when I'm better" and she said "by better do you mean when you don't hurt anymore? are you waiting for your heart to go numb?". It's true, I want this sadness and loneliness to subside, but I guess it never will.

Katie, if you go to Joshua's service and get to talk to Mel, please hug her for me too.

Oh, and aren't those kicks the best? Has your DH felt one yet?

Hi Hammi - yes that advice has always stuck with me. Once I found out I was preg I suddenly realised how terrifying it was. It is only now that I am getting regular movement that I can feel myself relaxing a bit. I am sure you will know when the time is right. For me, I wanted to start trying straight away, and the constant spotting I had really messed with my head. Good luck with your naturopathy. I have found it to be really useful and comforting for me.

I will be going to Joshua's service on Monday - as will a few other BB women.

And no DH still hasn't felt bub's move - she is definitely playing games with him!!!

Good news ladies -- my hubby found our kity last night. First he (and others!) spent the day really trying to take care of me, as I was a wreck. After he'd put me in a bath and sat with me and stroked my hair while watching funny TV and then put me to bed, trying to get me to sleep finally, he said he was going to go out on his bike and search to make himself feel better. A little while later the phone rang, and since it was close to midnight I knew it was something -- DH calling to say he'd found her and she looked fine, but he was having trouble getting her to leave a neighbor's fenced-in yard, heh.

A huge weight has lifted from me. I got my period last weekend after being so confident that I might be pregnant, and after some crying I thought, "Hey, okay, I didn't get pregnant the first cycle after our loss. That's not so strange. It'll come." A kind of peace finally in other words; I saw a light shining somewhere off in the future. I went to work at my new job and actually was productive and felt good about it. I'd lost weight that last week, breaking a 9-week trend since the M/C of eating and gaining and eating and gaining. And then -- boom. Kitty limbo. I was more than ever convinced that the universe is ****ing with me, and that me being positive or happy about anything only invites hardship. I was even starting to think "The only thing I haven't lost now is my husband, and boy if there were a time for him to get sick of me..."

So getting my little Ada back was a turning point that I believe I desperately needed -- almost to the point where it might be good for me that the little rascal disappeared.

Jen - Those kind of things (the website with that "30 weeks pregnant!") are just awful! We did a good job of getting other people to spread the news about our M/C, but once in a while people pop up that knew we were pregnant and haven't heard about the M/C, and they ask or say things that make us have to say "Well, no, you're right, I SHOULD have been bigger now, but..." I can imagine how losing the ducklings was really difficult as well; it's lovely to have these little pet lives when we're feeling down, but so devastating when they leave us. (Why are there no pets that live 80 years!)

Rozzie - Thanks for the encouragement about the charting. My temp really is very up and down, even now at the beginning of my cycle. But I feel like I have a handle on the CM anyway. And now that I've had my sigh of relief, I feel like we can hop back on that TTC wagon again.

Katiegirl - Full house! Just wondering -- did your sister have her M/C before or after having her children? Your DH will just have to rub your belly more often in order to feel those kicks.

Hammi - I know what you mean about being petrified. I've already thought of what it will be like next time when we have the 12-week ultrasound. If they say everything looks great I'll burst into tears and be confused, since everything was perfect this time at 12 weeks! But so far the fear of going through this again hasn't made me consider not trying. Actually, we did the baby dance so often last month that I think DH was happy to be going to Germany for a few days! You know you want a little one, and sadly I don't think those worries and fears will be muted by waiting a long time. If anything, waiting a long while before we TTC again will make this into an even bigger loss -- because instead of stealing a year from me it would have taken a year and a half, for instance.

Rebellios cat is eating up the last yogurt from my m?sli breakfast, right here beside me! :lol:

Hi girls, just a quick one:

I just wanted to say to Tildy, you are so not being silly about your cat! We have had a very unfortunate year, not only did we lose our much loved little Cooper, our other son (who was 13 months at the time)was bitten by our family dog. It wasn't our dogs fault, he is petrified of storms, hot air balloons and cars backfiring, he has a safe haven in our front room where he went to hide if he was scared. The one morning he was scared of a balloon, my husband left him in the spare room when he went to work and I wasn't quick enough to realise after I had gotten our DS out of bed and he had found him in there. All I heard was the dogs reaction and our son screaming, he had 4 puncture wounds to his face, luckily for us it was only superficial scaring but he had to go under anasthetic to have it stitched up by a plastic surgeon. I will never fully forgive MYSELF for letting this happen, I know this is a long way off track but what I am trying to get around to is that, the day I went into labour with Cooper, was the day we found our dog a new home (as I couldn't have him near my children anymore). My husband and I were completely devasted, this didn't start my labour BUT it certainly didn't help. Many people said to me 'How could you still have feelings for that dog after what has happened?' But he was our baby for 8 years before we had Corey, and it really was our fault not his. I guess what I am trying to say is I know what it is like to lose a much loved pet in horrible circumstances. As I said to you before I hope your stay with us here on BB is supportive and loving, after what you have been through you need it!!

Jen - by the way, sadly I found a website today aswell that proudly displayed the 'You are 34 weeks pregnant', It hit pretty hard.

Hi to all, will check in later through the week, having visitors at the moment!

Helen

Hi ladies,

I'm having a bad day! After finally having a proper AF, am feeling a bit down... AF finished after 6 days but on the evening of day 8 started spotting again, now day nine still spotting... I know it's probably nothing but I feel like I'll never get back into a fertile rhythm!!! It's been almost 11 weeks since I gave birth. I thought I had a period after 7 weeks, but then only 2 and a half weeks later got another one. I'm charting and doing OPKs but I just have a feeling I won't ovulate and it's really upsetting!

I know it's silly and that I should just give it time but I really want to be pregnant again, especially with my EDD not far away. To top it off my sister and a friend are both about to give birth.

Has anyone else had such troubles? It seems like most people got back to normal fairly quickly... I was very regular before pregnancy. I'm considering asking my doctor for clomid, though he probaby won't give it to me.

Rozzie

Rozzie
I feel your anxiety, we lost Cooper just 2 days before you lost little Edward. I think I am slowly getting back to normal although for me that could be anything! I had some very light spotting at 7 weeks and then what I am assuming was a normal period at 10&1/2weeks. Since this last period my temps have started to behave a bit better, but my problem is I can have cycles anywhere between 65days and 35!! So it makes TTC a little bit hard, in saying that though we have been fairly lucky that the longest it took for either of our boys was 3 cycles, but because my cycles can vary so much, (I conceived our first DS on day 40!)it could take me 6 months to have those 3 cycles! I know everyone says just try not to let it worry you etc, etc. Sure, if only it where that easy, I just want to be pregnant again too.

Hi all,

Rozzie and Helen, must be the day for a bit of depression.

I am also feeling like that today. My AF arrived on Sat and I am wondering if I am ever going to get pregnant and have a child. I so want to have a child with my gorgeous DH.

Well I am onto another month, so fingers crossed for this month.

xxx Sue xxx

Hi ladies,

Sorry to hear that you've been down, Rozzie, hgirs and sryan. I understand your frustrations of course. The only thing anyone can say is for us to be patient and calm down, and that it will just be harder to get pregnant if we're all worried -- but if you're anything like me, you then start to worry about how you're worrying too much to get pregnant! I can just offer a comforting :hug: and remind you that you HAVE gotten pregnant before; that wasn't where it went wrong for us, right?

There I go again, soothing others with comfort that I don't really accept myself, heh.

Every period is so hard. One of my friends that gave birth the day of my loss had a miscarriage in week 8 a year before getting pregnant with this one. They followed their doctor's advice and waited 4 months after her D&C to start TTC again. She was telling me that she thought it was bad that we were TTC again right away, even though my doctor said it was fine. She thought the pain was too raw. Then later we were talking about her process of grieving and healing after her M/C, and she said that, strangely enough, the biggest dip in depression happened in December, 4 months AFTER the M/C. I said "Right when you started TTC again in other words?" She's never thought of that before... but I think it sort of shows that, no matter if we wait or not, we have some fire to walk through before we come out on the other side. But we'll get there. And I wish for us to TRY to enjoy our lives, our DHs and partners and families and friends in the meantime, as much as we can.

We had some friends over for dinner on Saturday. A girlfriend that has been pretty important in making me feel loved and supporting me after our loss. They were really late so the food was already ready when they came, and she looked at it and said she had to decline the food "for health reasons." I knew immediately what she meant, but we stared at each other for a long silence before she said she was 13 weeks pregnant. DH was really good at saying Congrats, and I tried my best just not to cry or say anything stupid. I can't help but keep thinking about how her baby was conceived in the month between us going public with our pregnancy and us losing our baby, and that she must have found out she was pregnant within days of me calling her and saying we'd lost ours. So weird. Now I desperately hope we have luck this month... otherwise my feeling of being left out is eating me up because she, too, has gone over "to the other side"!

Thank you Tildy for your comforting words.

I really need it at the moment.

I understand how you feel about your friend. I think life throws us some challenges, thats for sure.

When I lost our first angel, my best friend gave birth to her little bubs on the day I was due.

With our second angel, my SIL was in hospital having a bubs and I was in hospital having a D&C.

Though it probably has made me stronger to deal with anything!!!

Need to stay positive.....

Wishing everyone a fantastic day.

xxx Sue xxx

Good morning girls! Feels like it's been ages since I've posted here... haven't really caught up with the posts yet and what's going on with everyone, just wanted to say I hope everyone has a great day!

Sending out lots of :bluedust: :stickyvibesgirl: :pink-babydust: :stickyvibesboy: and, of course, :goodluck2:

Goodmorning everyone,

Well today I go off and have a skin biopsy. Not looking forward to that......

Feeling more positive today.

I wish everyone a fantastic day.

xxx Sue xxx

Something happened to my post so I will try again....

Sue Good Luck with your biopsy, when will you get the results back??

I hope all is well with everyone, I think I am getting a little emotional as Cooper's EDD is only 5 weeks away now. I even had a cry yesterday when Nicole Kidman had her baby, and the day before as I seen a father carrying his newborn out of the shops. On the bright side had a lovely playdate with a friend and her little man this morning, but our boys both have a dreaded cold, and it is freezing in Brissy today.

Ciao

Helen, we must've have been due at the same time. My EDD was 14 Aug, when was yours? I know what you mean, that day is just looming horridly in the distance. I know it's going to be a hard time but I'm also hopeful that we will have gotten over a big hurdle once it's passed.

Sue, I hope all went OK today.

Hi Jen and Rozzie!

How are the preggers ladies going, Katie and Jo? Jo, have you passed the 17wk 5 days mark yet?

I forgot, we got Hamish's birth certificate at last. I really wanted it but holding that piece of paper just reminds me that I could've been holding my baby next month :-(

Hi ladies,

We just had an appointment with an immunologist, and it was great. He said that I probably have Antiphospholipid Syndrome and that for my next pregnancy I should be treated with clexane and aspirin, and also should be treated at the high risk pregnancy unit at the hospital. This is exactly what I wanted.

The bad news was that he said in so many words that my OB didn't know what he was talking about and I shouldn't have been taken off the clexane at 12 weeks. This makes me so sad because I feel like with a bit more care our son could have survived... but I know there's nothing I can do about it now. The main thing is to get pregnant again, which I reeeally hope doesn't take too long! I want a large family and at almost 28 I know I'm still young, but we started trying 2 years ago and I just want to be a mother already! The good news is my CM seems to be getting fertile, a good sign!!!

Love to everyone