Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage June '08 #2

Hi all - haven't been around much but am trying to keep up with all the posts.

Rozzie - glad to hear you got some answers and an action plan for future pregnancies. It is always hard to hear that your previous dr didn't do the right thing - but that is in no way your fault. Be proud that you have done everything you can to ensure that your future babies have the best fighting chance. You will be a mother soon. I know it sometimes seem so far away and you are rightfully impatient, but your next baby is just waiting for the right time to come and join you.

Hammi - big hugs on receiving Hamish's birth certificate. I know it must have been hard to see but it is more proof that your baby existed and that he was important. EDD are hard, do you have anything planned to remember Hamish?

Hgirs - big hugs on Cooper's approaching EDD. Do you plan to do anything? I actually found the couple of days prior to the EDD a bit harder than the actual day. I felt quite peaceful on Nathaniel's EDD, and I think it is because DH and I took the day off and did some special things to remember him and then went on a holiday for a few days. It was something we had planned months before as we decided we didn't want to be at home thinking too much over those dates.

Jen - good luck with this cycle

Sryan - I hope all goes well with the biopsy. Let us know once you hear more.

Tildy - my sister had 3 children before she had her first loss at 17 weeks. She then had no. 4 (or rather Preg. no 5) and then had her final loss (which was pregnancy no. 6) around 14 weeks. They did not find any problems with either of her babies - just like Nathaniel. I too take heart from the fact that she has 4 wonderful children - though of course she will always miss her angels.

Hi to anyone I have missed. The baby is still moving around nicely. I am completely fed up with work and my motivation is at an all time low. I can not wait to finish up - and have decided that I will finish up the first week of September. I will commence my countdown!!! I still haven't told work yet - I don't get any paid mat leave, so I will actually be quitting. I am going to be a SAHM for the forseeable future, so I didn't see the point in taking mat leave. As I am quitting, do you think this means that I only need to give the usual notice - 2-4 weeks?

hey everyone!
will write a bigger email tomorrow as i just lost my note to you all somehow! :wall:
but you may notice i have added something....:dance:
take care till tomorrow!
x jo

Hammi, my due date was the 14th too! Like you said I do think once it has passed it will be one less hurdle to get past.

Rozzie great news that you have someone very proactive, but I know what you mean about it being one of those 'what if the first OB didn't take me off them?' But as much as it is wrong and we are angry and upset and all of those feelings about our lost ones, you are right nothing can change it now, we just have to looked forward to the future.

And may that future be bright for us all!

Helen

Katie, maternity leave from September? That's so close. I want to squeal with excitement for you. You and Jo wouldn't realise this but I get a ridiculous amount of joy and hope from tracking your pregnancies. Every time you guys talk about good scans, passing milestones and of course your little girl's kicks, I get a little spark of hope that things will be OK for me too.

I think you need to give notice to your employer for them to pay out whatever leave they owe you. Plus you'd want to give them that courtesy in case you need a reference or something in future.

Jo, congrats on finally getting your ticker up! It's almost halfway already. Very excited for you.

Helen, what are you going to do for Cooper's EDD? We're going to stay in an out of the way cottage in the Hunter Valley and not see or speak to anyone for a few days. Just 100% Hamish time.

Rozzie, yes, look forward to what will be rather than what ifs. I'm glad your body is doing all the right things. I hope you'll get your BFP soon. At least now you'll get the care you need.

Hi Jen and Sue.

Jo - NICE TICKER!!!!!!!

Katiegirl & Hammi - I am not sure yet what we will do on the actual day, but we have planned for the weekend away just the two of us, Nana and Poppa will look after Corey for a night. I have mixed emotions about leaving him, as the only time I have ever been away from him was the 3 nights in hospital when Cooper was born.

I got Cooper's birth certificate the other day too, after having to send a 'NOT HAPPY' email to Births, Deaths, and Marrigages. I stated that I was VERY unhappy that they could just whip out a death certificate within a week of Cooper's funeral, but I am still waiting 10 weeks after for his birth certificate!!!!! Hence I got a phone call the next day and wouldn't you know it "We are posting it out to you tomorrow". I felt so angry that I had to fight for my baby's acknowledgement, but I guess there will be those sort of frustrations forever.

Hello everyone,

Well I had skin biopsy done - didnt hurt a bit!!!! actually it didnt, but I could feel the pulling... Anyway don't get my results back for 4 weeks. The Professor mentioned again that he doesnt think I have mosiac turners as I am too tall and people with mosiac turners are quite petite and short. So fingers crossed.

Jo - ticker yippee, I am so glad things are going well.

Katiegirl, hows bubs?? still kicking away?? I can not wait until I get to have that feeling.

Rozzie - I am so glad you got some answers - though it is very frustrating when you hear things like that. I must admit, I dont really trust the medical world, thats for sure. Even my Professor says "defiantely go with your gut feelings, as it is probably right".

Tildy - How are you???

Hi to Hammi, Helen, Jen805.

Well everyone, have a fantastic day. Yippee its Friday.....

xxx Sue xxx

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site but have posted my story under stories on late loss/stillbirth 'TTC after loss'. In short, my angel son was born sleeping at the end of January this yr at 22 weeks, I was almost 23 weeks when i found out that he had passed on only a week back (at my 4 weekly checkup with my OB) and it came as a total shock because i wasn't experiencing anything out of the ordinary, only a little nauseas. His autopsy results took almost 3 mnths to come back, which didn't bring any closure anyway because his death was unexplained. Oh and his death certificate took almost 9 weeks to come back and his birth almost 12 weeks - I was soooooo angry!!
Nelson was our IVF baby and we were blessed to have fallen pg on our first round.

We are trying again as we have 5 embryos frozen and hoping and wishing that one of our snowbabies will go on to become our earthly baby, someone we can hold. I miss my dear son terribly and i have my usual sad days where i have a complete breakdown and the only way i get back to normal is when i actually talk to pple about him. I feel very angry that no body seems to ask about him anymore. He may not have been real for them but he has and always be real for me and my DH.

Sorry for the vent but i feel extremely blessed to have found this site and talk to others who've been through the same thing.

I'm currently doing a FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle and if all goes according to plan, should have a transfer by the end of this month.

I have missed out quite a bit on this thread so i will try and do some personals when i get time to read up a bit more (at work at the moment)

take care all
Sue xx

Hi Sue - I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your son Nelson in January. It is a terrible and lonely experience, but as you have found we are all here to support each other. We all understand that your lost your much wanted son and that is a tragedy that you never fully recover from. Each day does get easier but the pain and loss never go away.

Jo - just realised you added the ticker - very nice! Well done and very brave.

Sryan - glad to hear the biopsy did not hurt too much.

Hgirs and Hammi - I am glad to hear that you are both taking time out to remember your angel babies. I think the EDD can be so difficult, that it is being kind to both your baby and yourself to actually give yourself a break from the ordinary. I will be thinking of you both in the coming weeks.

Well I am sick again...developed a cold yesterday with runny nose, sneezing (really testing my pelvic floor strength!) and a head about to explode. I have emailed my naturopath to see if there is anything I can take to help. I haven't taken the day off work because I have already had so many sick days in the last week and a half. Talk about bad timing! So hopefully will get better over the weekend. I am feeling sorry for myself.

Hope you are all well and having lovely days.

:welcome: Sue's

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your little angel Nelson and I look forward to getting to know you and wish you all the best in your next FET.

I too conceived on my first IVF Cycle, but unfortunately had a m/c at 12 weeks. We only have one frostie and am awaiting some test results and then will be going back for another cycle of IVF.

Katiegirl hope you feel better soon. You poor thing..

xxx Sue xxx

Hi Katie.....Thank you for the welcome. Congrats on your pregnancy :) hope you feel better soon, seems to be that there's a lot of flu/cold going around at the moment prob due to season change.

Hi Sue! Thanks for the welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your loss too :hug: It is so difficult because we try so hard to fall pg only to discover that we need assistance and then when we succeed, this happens :( Would you be going back to do a FET or a full stim cycle?

Hi Sue's,

We havent totally made up our mind. In one way it probably would be better to do a full stim cycle (as we only have 1 frostie) and apparently "fresh is best". But I can't stop thinking of the little frostie and maybe that one is the one.....

We are giving ourselves a couple more months off as I am going to a naturopath and getting myself back into shape and ready for another cycle mentally and physically.

But I know we don't have much time (as I am 38), but I have had 3 miscarriages in a row and mentally need a little break.

Sue's do you know what percentage little frostie successfully unfreeze???

xxx Sue xxx

Hi all

A newie to this thread but I've been posting in other areas. You might know my story - I lost my baby Alex in late April at full term. Hubby and I have certainly had ups and downs in the last few months but we are thinking about taking the plunge again.

At first the only thing that I could think about was getting pregnant again but now that we are seriously thinking about this - I'm suddenly terrified. I want to do it but - as I'm sure you all know - the thought of losing another child is unbearable.

Anyway, hoping to get back into a regular cycle again but my body seems to be all over the place at the moment (Its only been 10 1/2 weeks). I'm considering going on the pill just for the month to try to get regularity happening again - as we'll probably avoid TTC this month because if we were successful the due date would be around Alex's birth date.

Hopefully I can catch up with all your TTC stories as this journey goes forward.

Also - just so you all know I'm really bad with the acronyms so will be constantly asking you what things stand for.

Cheers

Danek

Hi all,

welcome Sue, I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard when everyone gets on with their lives and you're left still mourning. I understand what you mean about no-one talking about it, I'm pretty sure my dad has never even acknowledged it or mentioned it to me, it's all done by my mother!

I went to the GP today as I needed a new referral for the OB. I told her I didn't think I was ovulating as I'd had 2 periods and never got a + on an OPK... I asked for a blood test to confirm which she gave me, then she convinced me that I was probably not ovulating because I was too stressed and was putting too much pressure on myself. I'm stressed because I'm worried I'm not ovulating!! Anyway, I got home and finally got a positive OPK!!! It's day 13 and last time we conceived on day 14 (I know because we only saw each other once that month due to work- we were at my parents' house too, so everyone knew!), so everything times up nicely, hopefully I'm back into my normal cycle, and the 1st AF probably wasn't a real one.

It's been 11 weeks though and I can't tell anyone new without breaking down... when I told the doctor why I was there (she's a new one) I just started crying... how am I going to be when I return to work??? I wore maternity uniform too so EVERYONE knew I was pregnant... I don't particularly want to cry, a crying woman in the military doesn't usually go down that well!!! Anyone have any tips?

Sue and Sue, good luck with the IVF!!

:welcome: Danek,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby angel Alex :hug:, but I look forward in getting to know you.

It is a tough and scary decision when you decide to try again.... were they able to tell you on why your angel passed away????

I wish you all the best on your journey.

Rozzie - 11 weeks is not a long time and I can totally understand where you are coming from and it is going to be tough going back to work. Unfortunately I can not give you any hints, but with me, I just had to go back to work and face them all. I cried at work and everybody saw it, but after that it got easier. I think the anticipation of going back to work is the hardest and it is a relief when you eventually do it. I wish you all the best.

xxx Sue xxx

Syran,
We have no definitive answer to Alex's death. The doctors have advised that the most likely cause was a placental abruption. A few other small things were found but nothing as significant as the abruption - they said that they can't really say if it was the cause or a consequence of Alex's death. I wasn't sure if it was good to have an answer or not - I guess it doesn't change anything in the end.

My Obstetrician said that the next pregnancy she would recommend that I either have an artificial rupture of membranes at 38 weeks or be taken through for a caesarean at this time. Would love to have a natural birth but will do anything for a healthy baby and if that means surgery at 38 weeks - so be it. We'll decide as we go.

I see that you are seeing a naturopath - I was considering this myself. How have you found it?

Rozzie - I'm looking for any tips to stop the crying too. I start back at Uni next week and have to face so many people that I haven't seen yet. At the moment, I cry at the drop of a hat. I was bawling buying cat food the other day - the check-out woman didn't know what to do. So if you find a cure, please let me know.

hi everyone!
internet decided to pack it in last night and this morning, right when i needed it the most! I had a severe paranoid moment basically lasting from yesterday to today as i felt as though our babys movements had really decreased and i spent about 3 hours laying awake sometime early this morning waiting (impatiently) for movement. This bubs has done some heavy duty acrobatic work since 15 weeks and so to suddenly be waiting for movement scared me. So i rang the hospital i am booked in at and spoke to a midwife who went on to say that feeling movement at 15 weeks is very unusual as it does'nt normally happen until 20 wks and i was saying this is my 4th pregnancy, i think i know what is movement by now. So i had to rexplain my history, therefore explaining my huge distress and paranoia and got off the phone feeling like an idiot. (how is it people still make me feel this way for being honest about my feelings?????) So then i got a call from her later and she asked if i had any movements and i said no and she went through the list of reasons why and said to drink the most sugary coldest drink i could find to see if that stimulated anything and to come in if i needed reassurance. So i finished work and still felt awful and paranoid so rang and said i was coming in to hear the heartbeat. I get to the maternity ward (delivery suites section no less -how nice for me at that moment!)and the midwife puts the thing on my belly searching for a heartbeat, there is one and she says that shgould make you feel happier for now until your ultrasound and i was back to feeling like an idiot! So basically i won't be happy until i see bubs moving around on screen on wednesday, i am so hard to please! But i still have'nt got any explanation for the reason why movements have gone from every 2 or so hours (awake time) to now almost nothing. On top of it all, i am getting sicker by the minute, i don't think the stress helped as my throat is about to collapse if i try to speak anymore! phew!
and now for you guys!
Welcome to sue and danek. i am really sorry to hear of both your losses, it is such a horrible thing for nay of us to go through and small amounts of healing happen each day even though i can speak for myself and say that i will never recover fully. i completely understand the no one speaking about our babies thing. I get the word miscarriage all the time for my son jack, who i delivered at 17wks, 5 days. He is constantly described as a miscarriage (which medically he was) which i hate as i delivered him and got the chance to hold him, so for me he passed away. My dhs family don't speak of it and i still get uncomfortable silences if i bring up his name. Taking the "plunge" to TTC is huge and it happened quickly for us which although it was wanted still caught me off guard as my body was a mess or irregular bleeding and cycles. I fell pregnant on my 3rd cycle. do what feels rihgt, we thought we would not use anything to prevent a pregnancy and my body would allow it to happen when it was mentally and physically ready. So good luck, :hug: to you both.
Katie - take care too! Seems you are as run down with sickness as me! i've been the same, i have'nt taken any time off but really should of and thats why i have got worse. As for your earleir post re: finishing upin sept, i too am dreaming of finishing although i don't have a date yet. It sounds nice tho, huh?!? And sept is'nt that far away!!!!!!
will have to finish the rest of the personals later, my DH is calling for me to come up to bed!
take care everyone! Sorry for the essay!
x jo

Danek - very sorry to read about the passing of your baby Alex. As Jo said, it is a terrible thing for anyone to experience. I find that pregnancy loss is not talked about a great deal and therefore people never know what to say. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time to grieve. I hope you find comfort and support here, I know it has helped me a great deal both immediately after losing Nathaniel, during TTC and throughout this pregnancy. :hug:

Rozzie - I understand your fear of returning to work. I work on my own but I shared an office with other people (who do not work for the same company) and I dreaded returning. It took me many weeks to get myself back there. I also had a fear of going into the coffee shop as they knew I was preg - I eventually did and they inevitably asked when I was due and I started crying. I am not the type to cry in public, but it happened and I actually felt better for it. Don't put too much pressure on yourself - if you cry than so be it. People will then understand how much the loss of Edward has affected your life. :hug: I don't think any of us get enough credit for the strength and bravery it takes to 're-enter' the world after we lose our babies.

Jo - you poor thing. And if it makes you feel better, I have been freaking out the last couple of days as well. I have started to think I was not feeling enough movement (we mirror each other). I have been feeling so good since our last scan, and now the old fears are creeping back in. I think being sick probably doesn't help, as we already feel low. Plus I have been so sad since the passing of Mel's baby Joshua. I am really looking forward to Tuesday when I have a scan - it has been 2 weeks and I am now needing it. So don't let any midwife make you feel stupid. She doesn't understand your fears and how much you love and cherish this baby. And yes feeling sick - and I am over it. I am getting cabin fever from being at home so much. DH has gone over to a friend's today and for some reason I got upset about it. Poor guy does so much for me and then I want to make him stay home with a bed-bound woman!

So that is it from me - hope you all have lovely weekends.

Jo and Katie -- always glad to see an update about your babies. I understand that you're paying attention to every movement and everything that seems out of the ordinary. Our midwife told us when we met up with her after the M/C that we can pop up any time we want next time, just show up outside her door and ask to hear the heartbeat. I hope we manage to get her again next time we are pregnant.

Danek - I'm so sorry to hear about your losing Alex. I have also had a long period where I can cry at just about anything. I think the only thing that helped was, in fact, to cry. I cried a lot at work, but after a while that made it so that I could be at work WITHOUT crying. It sort of left my system for just that place and situation. Every time I meet a friend that I haven't seen since before the M/C, I cry, but then next time I see them I'm okay. I cried every time I saw my pregnant friend until I talked to her about how it hurt a lot for me to see her; but then I was able to meet her without crying. It seems, in other words, that admitting and showing my sadness and letting out a good cry is what helps.

Sue - welcome (though it's bittersweet to welcome someone into this group!) -- I was struck by your story; there are a lot of people who seem to find out about losing their baby when they go in for a regular scan and suddenly find that something is wrong. My situation was different, and I have a hard time imagining going in to the hospital with those sort of giddy, hopeful feelings and then leaving with a terrible shock. :hug: Please let us know how it goes with the FET.

Hammi and hgirs - I think it sounds like a good idea that you're planning something special around your EDDs. I think I'm going to try to adopt that idea as well. I very much hope that I'm pregnant again by then, because I think I will just collapse and cry if I'm not... I shouldn't get my hopes up too much I suppose.

Rozzie - it sounds like you hae a good doctor now. Focus on that; it's hopeful to have an explanation and a game plan. I'm also concerned that I'm not ovulating, as my temperature isn't going up at all even though that good CM has come and gone! And I'm worried that I'm not ovulating because I'm worrying too much -- a vicious cycle!

Otherwise things are okay with me. I've actually gone almost a week without crying, and have had moments where I actually think about something else. I'm disappointed with myself for how I've been eating, as I've been slowly gaining weight since the M/C and that's not going to make the TTC any easier. But today is a new day, and I've had a healthy breakfast and am planning on going for a walk and trying to relax and thinking egg-popping thoughts.