Trying to Conceive after Stillbirth/Late Loss/Recurrant Miscarriage October

[Tildy]

There seem to be a lot of bittersweet moments in the air. Jo, I'm happy you got the urns that you wanted, as I fully understand how such things can be so meaningful and important. How cool that the company called you! But of course, it's also not 100% happy, since it's not something you want to have to buy...

And Paula, having Charlie's death certificate and her EDD coming up, I'm sending you some s. The death certificate is a good thing in a sense; it's an acknowledgement on paper that you had a child, acknowledgement that you've suffered a loss... but very tough to have that in your hands as well. Take it easy and take care of yourself.

Katie, it all seems a bit overwhelming almost. All these ltitle activities that both remind you of Nathaniel and prepare you for the miracle that's on her way... yours daily activities seem very "loaded" emotionally. One thing you need to make sure you have ready -- the camera!

Here's wishing Laney, Cindee and Sue luck with upcoming test results and OB appointments, and I'll already start sprinkling some :babydustgirl: :babydustboy: on Lan and Paula and the others who are on their way to TTC. Hope things are good for everyone!

You're all so sweet for thinking of me on Beiron's EDD. Here's a cut and paste from the Preg thread about how it went:

I did okay for Beiron's EDD, sort of! I went to bed at 9pm the night before and still hadn't fallen asleep by 6:30 am, so I shot off an email to my bosses and said there was no chance I was coming to work. DH slept very poorly as well, though that's probably because of my tossing and turning or the moon phase or who knows, if he's the type to be lying and thinking about Beiron's EDD then he hides much more emotion inside than I thought!

So I stayed home from work and managed to sleep only 2 x 2 hours, so by the time DH came home we were both still soooo tired, the kind of tired where you feel sick to your stomach and pretty much CAN'T sleep. So our plan to maybe drive out to Vadstena (pretty medieval town near the big lake here) and have dinner was not really going to happen. Instead, since he'd come home early, I pleaded with him to go with me to the hardware store we'd been meaning to get to to get parts for our free-standing closets. Remodeling and moving those closets is step 1 in the many step process of rearranging our 2nd floor to make the baby's room, so it felt really good to get it done.

Once we'd gotten there and started talking with the hardware guy, DH got a bit more energy. And it helped that the hardware guy was a little flirty and gave me a free chocolate bar, which I gave to DH, so he got a little sugar and caffeine in him, too. So we drove next to the garden store and tried to look for a nice, easy-to-care for plant that we can have in our bedroom and remember Beiron by. We're really, REALLY terrible with plants, so we really asked them about what's easy to take care of and how, because I don't want this plant to die! It will just have to get more care and attention than we've ever given plants before. We settled on a Swiss Cheese plant (Monstrera something). DH's mom has one in her house that she's cared for for 40 years and it's sort of taken over a corner of the living room.

On our way home we bought pizza at the pizzeria near our old apartment and for the rest of the evening we laid in our PJs in front of the TV watching cartoons on DVD. We watched Monster's Inc., and I kept getting misty eyed, because the little dark-haired girl is too sweet and exactly what I'd love to have running around the house in a couple years. That's if my genes beat out DH's Swedish genes! Before we went to sleep I asked DH what he is looking forward to -- something we talked about every night right after losing Beiron, as it helped me calm down and go to sleep -- and I said I was looking forward to seeing what color hair our baby has. It was the first time I'd thought past the birth and forward to the individual that our baby will be. DH said he was looking forward to firsts -- crawls, steps, words -- he'll be on paternity leave from his day job when the first words come, so I bet the kid'll say something about pocket aces or so (DH is a semi-professional poker player, so I assume there will be much playing when he's on leave).

This morning we had our "high risk" OB appt., so the first OB appointment in this pregnancy that was actually planned! Everything looked super, and she seems like a fabulous lady. All my bleeding is likely due to the placenta still being low -- it's about a half centimeter from the cervical os and she says they want it to be 1 cm before they call it "normal". But there's more than plenty of time for it to move up more. But she printed us out a pic from the u/s, and it was so different! The last time we saw Beiron was 13+1, and now I'm 15+5, and you can see Kebab's spine and skull! The kid's got a creepy little smile in there, and the hands are sort of rubbing together like s/he's planning to take over the world. DH joked that I'm breeding skeletor, hehe. We saw the brain from the top as well as she was measuring the head for dates (spot on), and it was all just so cool... We're not quite as far along yet as we were with Beiron, but the "new milestones" are starting now! This doc wants us to book a new time with her in week 28, so she's not just letting me loose, either. Between now and then there are several midwife appts, and my week 19 ultrasound is in 4 weeks.

So that's my story of EDD plus moving on... I have to agree with some other ladies that have said the lead-up to the EDD was tougher than the actual day or after. Of course, I'm brewing a new bubs now, and I don't know how I would have felt if I hadn't been pregnant yet. And I did have the thought a few times yesterday that "I should have a baby now." But it didn't hurt so much. I'll always miss Beiron, but I feel more positive about the future, at least today.