Trying to Conceive after Stillbirth/Late Loss/Recurrant Miscarriage October

Hi everyone - here I am!

Welcome to Buliej and Diana. I am so sorry that you have had to endure the pain of losing your precious babies. I am happy though that you have found your way to this group. You have probably realised what an amazing group of women everyone here is, and I hope you find the same support that I have since I joined. It takes great courage to make the step of joining this forum, and I hope it brings some peace and comfort to you. I am also very happy to know that Anna's arrival gave you the boost you needed to join.

Thank you all so much for you congratulations and excitement. It has thrilled both DH and I that everyone cares so much. We are completely smitten with Anna. To be honest, I think I was so focused on getting to keep this baby, that I had really given much though to the fact that I would be a mother 24/7. Due to being a forceps delivery, being distressed and having the cord around her neck (I think she might be a drama queen!) - her sucking relexes were a bit delayed and the first 3 days with her in hospital were challenging. All the midwives knew her as they had all had turns at some stage trying to comfort her. I spent the whole time trying desperately to breastfeed and having the occasional cry. Thankfully my milk came in on Saturday and it has gotten better since. We came home yesterday and so far so good. She is feeding every 2-4 hours and sleeping in between. I am having a lactation consultant come by on Wed to help with attachment as my breasts are very sore! In fact it is Pinky McKay who seems to be a celebrity in the BB world. Anyway - I would happily never sleep again if it means I can have Anna all the time!

I can't wait to welcome each of your little babies into this world. I know I should leave you all alone now, but to be honest, I would miss you all too much. So I intend to keep up with you all if you don't mind.

I will come back when my brain is a bit clearer to do some personals. :grouphug:

Hi all

Katie, congrats again on baby Anna. Everyone on this thread is wonderful and I feel very welcome. Sorry you had to endure a bit of a rough time the first few days but sounds like you're getting into a nice routine now that you're home.

Helen, so great to hear all went well today. So very happy for you. Congrats...

Rozzie, I can just imagine how hard this time is for you but you have done your hard time and it's all going to be wonderful from here. Last night sounds so beautiful for you and Alec.

AF is still at bay but I did a test tonight using Forelife brand which is supposed to be super sensitive and it was a BFN. I assume if today's gagging was related to M/S it would have showed up + wouldn't it? Think I'll wait a few more days and see if AF shows her ugly head. I really hate the POAS process, I get the shakes so bad I can barely hold the stick steady, no joke! I'm pretty certain AF is on the way, have really bad cramps tonight. Agggggggrrrrrrrrrrr.

Diana, it's not over till it's over. I think both Helen and Sue thought that AF was coming the cycle they got pregnant. I remember scrutinising their temp charts daily to try and see a sign... but I always knew Helen would get pregnant in Sept.

Yay Katie, so happy to hear from you. I have been thinking about you and your little family and wondering the same thing i.e. what happens once you actually get a screaming baby? Anna's birth sounds pretty rough on you. Forceps = stitches? Oh but I am getting all giddy with delight imagining you with your little girl and DH being all protective daddy. Nathaniel's probably saying "See mummy, I told you everything will be OK. I was meant to be your guardian angel." And you mustn't leave this thread. I demand that you stay. Pls pass over your baby baton to me now :-)

Rozzie, I'm glad my big mouth wasn't offensive! I want this week to be over for you too. Sounds like bub knows you need extra TLC this week and is obliging you and Alec with loads of kicks. So you can see the kicks from the outside now? Exciting! Do you still use the doppler at all? David and I were talking about whether we would get one but I think if I wasn't able to find a HB, I would completely lose the plot even if it's just because the baby's in funny position.

Helen, congrats on a good scan. It warms my heart each time I hear about your sneak peeks into your babies' world. Did you get a pic to keep? Was it one of those fancy 4D scans?

So Rozzie, Tildy and Sue have the next scans? And Laney too? Can't wait, I love watching you guys pass milestones.

As for me, I am still pretending that I'm cool and not knowing when I can test. I looked at pregnancy tests today but it was in the same Priceline where I bought my last kits so I decided against it. I really feel like I'm pregnant even though I'm in no position to (it's only CD17), I wonder if I'm one of those crazies who display signs of pregnancy without being pregnant. Not a good time to go crazy at the moment!

How are you going Jo?

Hi and hugs to Paula, Cindee and Buliej.

Oh Buliej, I've been seeing a naturopath since April and she's had DH and I on a course of vitamins and herbal supplements to nourish our body and help our baby-making bits along. She recommended that I saw a homoeopath to help with my emotions and she has been that and more. Through tonics that you take via drops in your mouth she helps me work through my emotions, reduce my tendency to dwell on things and get stressed about stuff that hasn't even happened, and generally just offer a comforting shoulder. I also had acupuncture for eight weeks and also found that great but it kind of clashed with the other two so I chose to drop it.

Hammi - thanks for the info. I'm going to explore some of these natural therapies.

Katie - I'm so happy for you that you & your DH can finally hold baby Anna in your arms - it must be the most wonderful feeling.

Helen - glad your scan went well & Rozzie - I'm looking forward to hearing about yours as well.

hi to everyone else...

Thanks for the encourgement but this BFN has just convinced me I one of those crazy women you're talking about - I've been convinced the past 3 months I was getting a BFP.

I'm sending all the positive vibes I can muster up for you though!

hi girls!
I have been a bit MIA and i apologise! My DD has head lice and everyone has had an opinion on it which is driving me crazy. she has long beautiful hair (if you've seen her in facebook photos) and everyone has said it is the perfect breeding ground for them. I have been combing and attacking them with natural and now medicated stuff and they won't budge. Doctors just told me to keep going and one lady said it took 12 mths for her DD's to go! :wall::wall::wall: I've heard everything from I'm lazy to I'm not doing it enough...arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! And now DS has it but thankfully not me...yet!!! lol! You should see my house right now -i have bed linen everywhere!!!!!!!!
rant over...
hi to DD0207 -don't think i officially welcomed you yet!:hello: I wish you did'nt have a reason to be in here but I am glad you have found us, the girls here are amazing!!! I am looking forward to hearing though about your AF - i think Katies test took a few days to show up and it does vary person to person which is frustrating in the meantime! i'll keep my fingers crossed for you...
Katie - you'll get a pm from me soon! you have been in my thoughts 24/7 but did'nt want to bombard you! i am so happy that Anna is giving you both so much joy! Don't leave us either...anna is our little symbol of hope!
hammi - we are shockers are'nt we - i love that you "secretly don't care" when you testing date is...my Af is due 2/12. i ahve had cramping on my left side the past few days but i think it is really just Af waiting to rear her ugly head.
hgirs - yay for your scan -i am so excited for you and it was wonderful to read about your moment walking out - we need those positive ones, no matter how fleeting!
rozzie - i teared up reading your post as it echoed where i am at too. Jacks angelversary is coming up on the 30th and i am starting to get really emotional, i always still have tears for him but evenmore so at the moment. I am supposed to be working that day and not sure wether i will be better or worse for it. Then a week and a half later i have madisons due date, its a hugley s****** time! sending you hugs! i was happy to see on my mum and dads claender they had jacks name on his date, it is heartbreakiing and heartwarming to see they they have acknowledged it on their own. And about the work and home situation -DH said i could quit work but i said what would i be home for? being home would only remind me of everything i have lost!
ok girls - gotta go! hi to all i have missed...kids are still asleep and we have to be gone in 30 mins! oops!!!
x jo

Hi Ladies,

Katie, I'm glad that you will be staying with us. It means a lot to me that you will keep giving us so much support. Have you had a chance to upload some pictures of Anna yet?

Helen, I am so happy to hear that your scan went well. The 12 week scan is amazing isn't it?

Rozzie, It is great to hear that your little bub is moving so much. Bub must be healthy and happy in there. Good luck on your ultrasound.

Lan, You very well could be aware that you are pregnant. I know with out a doubt that I am pregnant before I could ever have a positive test. This might be TMI but I'll tell you anyway....7 to 10 days before my Af is expected sex gets about 100X more enjoyable for me. It has not failed me yet. All 4 times it has happened and within a few days I had a positive test.

Everything is going pretty well here. I still have a week and a half until my 12 week scan and doctor appt. The long gap between appts. has been a little difficult for me. I think it is the not knowing what is going on in there. I broke down and got out my doppler lastnight. It was a very difficult decision because the last time that I used it I found out that Shelby's heart had stopped beating. I was able to find a tiny heartbeat with the volume turned all the way up. It did help me relax a little bit.

My SIL is also in the hospital having an induction. She is due next week but she has had high sugar levels for a while and now toxemia. I have not been able to talk to here for 3 months or so now. I am just so heart broken that she is going to be able to bring her little girl home and I was not able to.

Hi ladies, just a quick hello before I dash of for my commute again (boo hiss). Katie, you are like this poster girl for our group. All sleep deprived, with sore boobies, stitches etc. I want to be you right now, way more than I want to be Heidi Klum. He He.

Helen, yay for a great scan. Another milestone down, you must feel so relieved. I know I feel relieved for you :)

Jo, Lan and Diana: B.F.P. B.F.P. la la la, la la la, B.F.P. there, that was me doing a cheer leader dance (looking like Heidi Klum) to cheer on some BFP's... don't ask me to do it again, I'm a bit puffed.

Jo: Head lice, sounds like so much fun. I remember getting it when I was young, but thankfully have not had a problem with Ethan. I guess it is the long hair. Sorry I can't offer any advice, although it sounds like you've been getting more than enough!

Laney: sounds like you're having a bit of a rough time. Good on you for grabbing the doppler and getting the reassurance you needed. I can only imagine how your own heart must have been racing when you did it. Good that you got bub's heartbeat and here's hoping the next week and a half fly by for you. It is so bitter sweet when our loved ones get to bring home bubs. I don't have any sisters but a best friend who is like a sister. She is due around the same time as Charlie's birthday and I am ecstatic for her (she has had lots of trouble getting pregnant and also suffered a miscarriage) and she has been unbelievably supportive since I lost Chalie, she still calls me every second day to check on me. The thing is though that whenever I think of her getting to bring home a bub before me I get really sad. I have been pregnant 2 times and still no baby. I don't know what the answer is, I just try and be honest with her about my mixed emotions and she has been very understanding of them. I'm not sure what your relationship with your SIL is but if you are close you could maybe try that. If not then go with the avoidance strategy as much as you can. You have every right to protect yourself from as much pain as possible.

On a separate note, I was looking back through some old threads and found a post by Katie just before her 19 week scan. She was saying how anxious she was and I thought wouldn't it be nice if today's Katie could go back in time and tell 19 week Katie that everything was going to turn out just fine. in fact wouldnt' it be nice if all our future selves could come back in time to us now and tell us everything was going to be fine.

Anyway, enough of my time travel ramblings. Unless one of us is a crazy inventor in our spare time, it is fruitless, it was nice though to look at that post from Katie all that time ago and see how things ended up, it made me feel a little bit like a time traveller!!

Gotta run, hi to everyone else!

Goodmorning Ladies,

Firstly :dance::dance: for Helen and her scan. I am so happy for you. Isnt it so cool to be see bubs wiggling around.

Paula - How is your medications going??? is it all stabilised.

Diana - I agree with Hammi, I really thought I was getting my AF. I had spotting from basically 8 dpo and then when I did a test when I was due, it had such a faint positive, like I could hardly see it. I was squinting with the DH!!! The next day I went to the Dr and she also did a test and it was very light as well. But the GP sent me off for a blood test and all came back as I was pregnant and it was viable. So I will have my fingers crossed for you.

Rozzie - I am so sorry you are having a bad week. It is totally understandable to feel like this leading into your 22 weeks. I will be thinking of you at your ultrasound. Bubs must know you need reassurance and giving you lots of kicks....

Katie - So good to hear from you - wheres the pictures????? I am so glad things have settled down for you and getting yourself into a routine. Please Please dont leave us, we need you and I love hearing your stories.

Jo - Fingers Crossed for a BFP this month.

Laney - I hear what you say about the u/s and waiting so long in between. I have been a little stressing about it all as well. I had my last ultrasound at 13 weeks and wished that I had more in between the 20 week. But looks like I am waiting this out!!!! :hug: for you ie SIL.

Lan - also :pray: for a BFP for you this month.

Well with me, I am just hanging out for the 20 weeks scan. I have booked into my local GP for a reassurance doppler check on the 8 Dec as well.

Seem to be controlling GD with metformin and diet, so so far so good. Though I am still working out what I can eat and what I cant.

Hope everyone has a fantastic day.

xxx Sue xxx

Diana, anything yet? With my boys my BFP showed up loud and proud before my period was due, but with this one it was BFN up until AF was due, then so so so faint even after I was paranoid, but look what happened! Katie's was much the same to I think, so there is hope yet.
Jo - Coming from an ex-hairdresser......I have nothing for you, I'm sorry it has become a major issue in most schools, I think the only thing is perserverance, and then when you nail it, it seems to start all over again! My sister swears by a tea-tree oil and water spray that she mixes up and puts through the girls hair everyday (as a preventative) then try and plait her hair to keep it away from others. One last thing they actually like clean squeaky hair, can stick to it a whole lot better, not dirty/oily hair so if anyone throws in the 'only dirty kids get them', tell them to *&$%##%&!!!! OFF!
Lan - I think I can be one of those 'crazy ladies' I used to feel every bloody twinge, nausea etc!! Fingers crossed
Thanks everybody for your support it really does help, it just doesn't really happen in our everyday lives. We had a friend bring over his 15month old son on Sunday which was lovely but there was a moment when Corey was sitting with Toby on the couch and he had has hand sitting on his leg and rested his head on his shoulder, it was very cute, and then our friend says 'He needs a brother, look' I felt so defensive and wanted to say 'he already has a brother!', but there is no point as he has never felt the pain and hopefully never will. It just made me sad to think that to so many others Cooper doesn't or didn't exist. It is such a private battle, I am just so happy we can share our journey's here.
Hugs to all

Hi Jo, thanks for the welcome - can you cross your toes as well please! I'm so very sorry about your losses. I cried when I saw you lost 2 beautiful angels in your 2nd trimester. Sending you the biggest hug I can muster up and thinking of your during this absolutely sh*t week. My darling Sebastian was due on the anniversary of my mum's death so it was a double whammy for me on his EDD this month. I also toyed with the idea of having the day off but thought it best to keep busy - it didn't really work, I was a blubbering mess all day. Also sending you BIG BIG positive vibes for a BFP on the 2nd. Look forward to hearing some great news!Hope those head lice get extinguished soon!

Laney, I am very sorry for your losses as well. I can't believe you both lost 2 angels so late. How cruel and unfair it is - my heart is in my throat at the moment and tears are streaming down. I'm so very happy to see you are pregnant again though and wishing you all the very best for your 12 week scan. Can't wait to hear how it goes.

Mrs Robbo, I'm so sorry for your losses. You lost Charlie a few weeks before I lost my Sebastian. My heart is with you. Thanks for the dance! It made me laugh - and trust me I'm not much in the mood for it these days but you did it!!

AF has still not reared her ugly head yet today but I'm not hopeful. I know it can take a few days for a + but the HPT I used is a really sensitive one. I really don't understand what's going on with my body anymore. I'm sooooo emotional today and am sitting at my desk in tears. Prior to losing my angel I was pregnant twice before (sadly ending in loss). One of those times I fell on the pill, and the second time was 1st month not even trying! With Sebastian I fell 2nd month trying so without blowing my horn, I seem to be quite fertile. I know my body has been through alot with the 2 D&Cs and infection but am starting to worry there may be some underlying damage caused by my incompetent old OB. My FS seems to think all looks good on U/S but if I was able to fall so easily before, why not now??????????????? I was convinced Clomid was going to give me the boost I needed this month. Sorry for the rambling, I'm really depressed today.

Thanks Sue and Hgirs, I really appreciate your encouragment and support. Means the world to me. There may be a little glimmer of hope yet but I didn't even get the faintest of faintest lines. Boooooooo. Anyway keep you posted.

Hi to everyone else!

Diana x

Diana, you said you don't know what your body is up to, so I have to ask do you chart your temps?? ( here we go again obsessed temping lady, hehehe) Before I had Corey I had cycles anywhere up to 60 bloody days! I was about to go onto clomid to regulate them when I started charting, it helped imensely, at least I knew when I did ovulate (after the temp rise) so that helped take the guessing out of where is AF??? Hence haven't been able to flick the bug, but it certainly helped me know what was going on. Happy to say after having my boys my cycles now seem to be normal (YAY). I had chorioamnionitis in the placenta with Cooper and after reading (far to much) infection does increase the chance of endometrosis, which could play havoc with your cycle, has your FS ruled it out? Just a thought, don't mind me I like to think I might be helpful, my cousin's husband calls me Dr Helen, Ha Ha, funny bastard!

No, have never charted as my cycles were always regular before and could pinpoint O to the tee. I think I may start now that I know you'd be on the case Dr Helen! I'll have to read up on the how and when. Before taking Clomid this month, I was on monthly U/S checks with him after my loss and lining was always good (8-9mm), plenty of eggs, and even saw a mature follicle about to release last month. Never mentioned anything else - would he pick up endo on U/S?

Not sure what chorioamnionitis in the placenta is but sounds very nasty. Did it effect your cycles after losing your precious Cooper? How long were you trying before you fell with this lovely bundle?

Thanks so much for all your advice and support! Huge hugs.

Diana, from what I understand US usually don't pick up endo, I think the only way they can find out for sure is to do a laparoscopy, but it seems to look good in there, check with your FS next time. Chorioamnionitis is basically a generic name for infection that they cannot grow a culture from, it is a leading cause of pre term birth, the problem with me is they don't know if that is what started my labour or whether I had an incompetent cervix which let the infection in, the latter makes more sense to me, as I had a short cervix measurement on 18wk ultrasound, which didn't seem to worry anyone terribly much. Had another only 5 days later which measured just on 'normal', but I am not convinced, wish I had of gone with my instinct and pushed for another US. It didn't affect my cycles at all, infact I had never been more regular! We fell on our 3rd cycle, I did with the boys too!

Thanks Helen, sorry but am just confused about something. Are you saying you can actually get endo from an infection or the infection could flare up existing endo? I have never had a problem with that in the past... just need clarification. I will be seeing my FS soon so will have a chat to him about the possibility of doing a laparoscopy to be sure there is nothing going on in there. If it turns out I'm not pg this month, I want to speak to him about IUI for next cycle anyway - I'm so over my cycle being this unpredictable and I want to do whatever it takes now. Hmm sounds like IC came first for you if U/S showed shortening of the cervix. Will you be getting a stitch for this pregnancy or are they just going to monitor you more closely? I know what you mean about following your instinct... I didn't want to seem to neurotic and pushy with my OB and trusted that he knew what was best for me. I was embarrassed to ask for more scans when I knew something wasn't right. There will be absolutely no stopping me next time that's for sure.

Sorry I meant the infection can cause endo, so it is a possibility. They originally wanted to monitor me with fortnightly scans but I see the OB in 2 weeks and really think I would prefer the stitch.

Thanks for the clarification. Will definitely chat to him about it. Talk to your OB about your fears and getting a stitch. From my experience, OBs don't like performing the procedure because of the small risk of infection. I'm more willing to take that risk rather than the consequences of not having it. Don't want to scare you but just want you to be aware that my OB put me on a week of bedrest for a wait and see approach and that week was detrimental for me. I went from my cervix slightly starting to shorten to 4cm dilated in 7 days. Sorry I really don't want to scare you but I have found IC is such a hard condition to diagnose as there are so many variables and I've heard most OBs won't put a stitch in unless you have suffered from 2 or more late losses - and we just can't have that!

I feel like we have hijacked this thread for our own! I have been through the should I, shouldn't I, what if, scenarios and have pretty much come to the conclusion I will have the stitch, just have to confirm it with the OB who thankfully I just spoke with and he plucked an appt out of thin air for Thurs, after the clinic telling me I couldn't get in until the 9th Dec blah blah blah. Nothing like going straight to the top! I know what you mean about no stitch until 2 losses, well I am not prepared to lose another baby just to satisfy their criteria!