Trying to Conceive after Stillbirth/Late Loss/Recurrant Miscarriage October

Jo - I hope you are ok and are able to take the time out from work to remember Jack. You and I have come so far since we first met around this time last year. Thank you for all the support you have given and I hope you have found the same in return. I know you miss Jack like mad, and it will also bring up emotions attached to Madison - be kind to yourself and let your tears flow whenever they need to.

Laney - I will be thinking of you on Wednesday as you remember Parker on his first birthday.

Wednesday is also Nathaniel's angelversary. I can't believe it was a year ago that my whole world shattered. It is hard to explain, but having Anna has made me realise even more how much I miss my little boy. I find myself holding her and bursting into tears. DH is being very supportive and giving me lots of hugs. My counsellor did warn me that Anna's arrival may bring up emotions and it certainly has. I just wish more than anything that I could have both my babies, but I know at least that we have a special angel watching over us. When Anna is on the change table she oftens looks at the same corner and smiles even though there is nothing there, so I like to think that is where Nathaniel sits to watch over her.

Rozzie- I understand how you feel about seeing 'miscarriage' written for Edward. I didn't give birth to Nathaniel (had to have a D&C) but at times it bothers me that he described as a missed miscarriage. I carried him for 20 weeks, and I had all the hopes and dreams of any first time mother. It is hard when you get to the same gestation as your last baby, but know that you have a strong one and enjoy every kick and flutter. :hug:

Group hug everyone - I think we need it :grouphug:

Hi to all the lovely ladies,

Jo - Was thinking of you on Sunday. Hope you went OK at work?

Paula - I am so glad you are looking after yourself and I agree, we know our bodies better than an Dr of specialist. I have my fingers crossed for a BFP for you soon. I have to say, what a gorgeous idea you have to remember our angels.... at my work we have a tree set up for the salvation army and also the rspca for gifts and donations. I feel it is such a wonderful idea to make children/animals a special christmas.

Helen - How are you????

Lan - Fingers crossed for a BFP this month. What a fantastic Christmas pressie.

Cindee - Hoping you are well.

Tildy - How are you feeling?? Did the weekend in bed do you well???

Laney - :hug: for you on Wednesday for Palmers 1st Birthday.

Katie - What an emotion time for you. :hug: for you as well for Nathaniels Anniversary.

Rozzie - :wall: for all those unthoughtful people. I am so sorry yo had to endure that. Enjoy your kicks and remember your angel Edward.

Big hellos to Beryl, Buliej and Diana, hoping you are all doing well.

Well with me, nothing to report, have been feeling a little more movement, but still hanging on to the 20 week scan. I can't wait until I feel proper movement.... I am still scared about losing bubs and am seeing my GP next Monday to get a reassurance check and hear bubs heartbeat.

Hope you all have a good day.

xxx Sue xxx

Sue - the waiting must be horrible. Glad you are going in to see your GP for a reassurance check.

Hi everybody, haven't been on in a really long time (got discouraged, to make a long story short), but I just got a bfp last thursday! So of course, I'm happy and scared. Been to the fs twice for hcg levels and so far so good! (please God)

Katiegirl: congratulations on your Anna, keeping you in my prayers and sending a big cyberhug because there are so many painful emotions for you right now

sryan--keeping fingers crossed!!

Forgot to say, Paula, the gift tree is a fantatic idea. DH and I will do that too. I must stop thinking things and actually do them.

Congrats Tempus on your BFP. Sticky sticky sticky vibes.

Thanks for your suppot buliej, it just seem so long in between scans!!!

tempus moriendi Congratulations on your BFP :stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy:

xxx Sue xxx

Jo, thinking of you and hope you're doing ok :hug:
Laney, :hug:to you for Wednesday. I hope you?re family give you lots of love and support.

Katie, look up into that corner with Anna on Wednesday and smile together... Will be thinking of you on a terribly hard and emotional day :hug:

Tildy, hope you enjoyed the weekend relaxing and that you're feeling better.

Rozzie, I completely understand how you feel about people not recognising what we've lost and how hard and emotional it is for us everyday. I am so glad we have each other to lean on during these times, otherwise I'd go insane and fight with everyone in my family :wall: They all think I should be over it by now and concentrating on the next one - "the next one" that's how they put it!!:o I just want to scream and hit them really hard. I hope you're doing ok and baby is kicking away happily.

Sue, the waiting must be hard but tell baby to keep up with those kicks! So happy you're feeling more movement, very exciting.

Helen, incase we don't hear from you, best of luck for the procedure on Wednesday. Will be there holding your hand.

Paula, hope you're well. Loved your story, it brought tears to my eyes. Ethan seems like such a loving and beautiful little boy who adores his sister.

Tempus moriendi congratulations on your BFP!

AFM, started my FSH injections last night so lets hope I get a BFP for Xmas too?:pray:

I have to tell you a funny story... my DH thinks that when I talk about him on here using these initials, that I'm calling him a D*ck Head :D It took quite a bit of convincing to explain it means Dear Husband...

Big hugs to everyone else :grouphug:

Hi Girls,

Laney, Jo & Katie, thinking of you at these difficult anniversary's, it's great that you have all been able to support each other for such a long time on here.

Congratulations Tempus on the BFP, that's very exciting news!

Sue, I am sure the check-up will reassure you that everything is fine. Paula, I agree with the others, the gift idea is a lovely thing to do at Christmas in our Angel's memory.

Diana, the DH thing cracked me up, your poor husband must think we all call our DH's that!

Well for me I have my OB check-up tomorrow and seeing the genticist on Thursday. Hoping DH & I get some reassurance that it is ok to TTC in Jan.

Take care
Megan

It's convenient for others to think that we will be healed once we have a breathing newborn in our arms. But we all know we will never "get over" the loss of our precious babies.

Rozzie, I hate it when people call Hamish a miscarriage too. They don't understand how developed our babies are even in the 2nd trimester and more importantly how much we bond with them and love them and know them even in that short time. Only one more sleep for you then tomorrow is a whole new world.

Katie, I have heard it said that babies and children are much more intuitive than we are and can see angels and spirits that we can't. It's a beautiful image to think of Anna smiling at her brother. I didn't even know that newborns could smile but I got goosebumps all up and down my arms just picturing that. You are a wonderful mummy who has gone through so much to bring Anna into this world. Nathaniel knows how much you love him and miss him. He's with you with every breath that you take.

Jo, did you get through Sunday OK? How was the sunrise? How did Em and Josh take it? Did DH understand the significance of what you felt?

Laney, you have had a such a hard, hard time since Parker's birth. I hope with all my heart that this bub is the one and look forward to hearing about your next scan when the wiggly baby will be much more limby :-) Hugs for Wed.

Diana and Berry, I just noticed that you're both in Sydney. So am I. Catch up? Rozzie is the only one I've met face-to-face and it was just like seeing an old friend.

Paula, all my therapists did say to me that our periods aren't supposed to cause any pain or discomfort or feral feelings and PMS is an indication of hormonal imbalance. It seems that you've sorted that all out. You're going to get a BFP in Jan!!! And I love your rumour. I'm going to stick with it and humour myself that I'm pregnant. I think I'll test on the 15th if AF hasn't shown up by then.

Sue, your ticker is zooming. I hope it zooms even faster to the morph scan so you can relax even more. Already you are in new territory though. Your baby is indeed a miracle, I think of him/her when I"m feeling particularly discouraged because I always remember how you said you can't get pregnant naturally and look where you are now.

Hugs and love to all.

dd0207--best of luck, keeping fingers crossed!
lol when you said what your husband thought "dh" stood for!!!

Berry1--keeping fingers crossed for you, too. Let us know how it all works out.

Hammi--you are so right--unless you've been through obstetric loss, you just don't "get it". My best real life support system consists of my friends who have been through obstetric loss, too. And heaven knows, it's not something you would wish anybody to understand through experience.

hi guys! so much has been written...
TM -i recognised your name from previous forums but welcome into here and congrats on your BFP!!!!:dance:
DD0207 - i had a laugh at your DH's expense too -very cute. M husband i have'nt let into this site (selfish maybe) as i have always felt i neede to have a safe, confidential outlet (kinda like a counsellor) that i could go to and say what i need to without having to worry about the burdens it may cause on him. Of course i tell him the stories, good and bad but i kinda like that you girls are all mine. wishing you a BFP for xmas!
syran -your ticker is moving so steadily! IT so great -how do you feel about where you are now. Almost the halfway point!! The reassurance check will be good for you to put your mind at ease - at least that is'nt too far away for you!
hammi - i agree -where is everyone in syd? I grew up there! howlong before you can test for BFP?
rozzie -glad the weekend went ok and i agree on the miscarriage name. DHs family in particular have treated Jack and Madisons losses like the miscarriages Dhs stepmum had and what his brother in law had. They are heartbreaking but not the same. Losing 2 babies 2 trimester was devastating as i could see they WERE babies by that stage. And for me it only increased the feeling of loss as i could see them and things like their muscle definition and finger nails etc and only imagine the potential in life they may have had. People don't realise i saw Josh in Jack and DH in Madison. Its just another foot in mouth we have to deal with...hopefully your cold passes you by nice and quick!
paula -i always give gifts to those trees (the same as i can't walk past a charity person without giving a donation). I am a huge beliver in Karma and feel because we are in a lucky postion that we should pass some of that onto others. i love the way you explained it though -very special!
katie and Laney - Wednesday will be big days for you both but will send you all the hugs i can muster! will keep you in my thoughts....
Thanks for all your thoughts...
The weekend went ok, had a few major tearys, even at work before we opened but it got me through the day which was good as sat night i could'nt sleep and then sun morning was up at 5.15 to get the shots. The pelicans were out and having a nice sleep in the middle of the lake which i loved and eventho mELB has been so crappy with its weather of late i was so happy it was'nt raining. Mum and dad have just done a garden in their new house and mum said as dad was putting the plants in a big white butterfly was flying around them. (white butterfly is our Jack symbol and they have always come at very significant times for us) She said she thought of Jack right away. Dh did'nt come but asked how it went and we still need to sit together and look at the photos i took. He understood how important it was for me and i spent about an hour down there. My next hurdle is madisons date which is the 9th. I already sit and go Jack would be doing this now etc so it will be very hard to hit Madisons date and then begin the same process for her.
Someone mentioned angels around us or something to that effect (really sorry can't remember) and it made me think of my psychic (who i have to go back and see- will let you know when i do) and she once said that in photos when you see on a printed photo, circles (think bubbles), as long as they are see through and you can see the background behind them they are orbs and the spirits of people you have lost. there was a photo of the kids that we took and mum and i counted everyone in our family that we have lost and there was the perfect number of orbs surrounding them, in the photo. (including jack and madison) It made us feel a little better that our kids are still surrounded by love.
hope you have a great days everyone! hi to all missed as usual i am running late!
xx jo

...also i forgot...i girl at work bought me a prayer bead bracelet. She passed uni and wanted to "pay her luck forward" They are beautiful and came with 2 guardian angels that say pray for us on them. It was left for me on jacks angelversary in my box...

I have conjunctivitis and shouldn't be looking at computer but couldn't resist checking in on you guys and just had to say Jo that what your work mate did was just so thoughtful, simple and poignant. More people like her and less people with foot in mouth disease in the world please!

Today is CD25 for me, my cycles are about 30 days so I think I can test end of next week? Are you going to test end of this week, Jo?

OK, taking crusty eyes off the screen now.

Lan, hope your conjunctivitis clears up soon. I think you could do a test this weekend or early next week. :pray: :crossfingers: you get that BFP you so deserve. A catch up sounds wonderful and I would really love that. It may have to be early next year for me though as Xmas stuff has dominated all of our weekends until then, am so over it. Would that suit you? Jo, it would be fabulous if you could fly up to your old stomping ground and meet with us too!

Jo, the photos youre describing gave me goose bumps. How reassuring it must feel to see that your angels are close to you always. What a lovely gesture the girl at work did, we certainly do need more people like that in the world. I also love that Jack made his presence felt by flying around you in his white butterfly suit on the day you needed most comfort.

I agree. I never EVER let DH read or see anything we write. I pour out frustrations and emotions on here that I dont want to share with him either, even though he is a very beautiful, caring and sensitive man. Like you, I tell him some stories and because we use so many abbreviations, I sometimes use them when Im speaking :doh:. I wish you girls could have seen the look on his face, it was priceless.

Megan, how did your OB visit go today?

:hug: again to Laney, Jo and Katie. Am holding your hands during this emotional time.

Hi to everyone else.

BOOOOOO to all those people who have foot in mouth disease

TM - congratulations on the BFP! I am so very happy for you. We have all come a long way since we first met a year ago. Praying that you have a stress-free and happy pregnancy.

Thanks everyone for your support surrounding Nathaniel's anniversary tomorrow. It is nice to know that I have people who understand that having Anna does not mean I am now 'ok'.

:grouphug:

Hello,

The OB appointment went well, ok to TTC in Jan, just need to make sure the geneticist doesn't raise any issues to be concerned about. We also got our prelimanary autopsy results for Jasmine. The heart was extremely bad, worse than we thought,quite a long list of problems. OB said it definelty would have been fatal, so that has really reasurred me that we made the right decision. There were also other issues with the lungs & bowel, but the heart was the major one. Full report takes 6-8 months. I feel more at peace now knowing there was nothing I could do.

Thinking of you tomorrow Katie. Jo your sunrise photo's sound lovely, nice way to remember your angel. Thinking of everyone hoping for BFP this month! Catch-up would be good, I live in East Sydney.

Love
Megan

Hi everyone just a quick one before my date with surgery tomorrow, I am feeling quite positive about it all, but still concerned as well.
Jo - Your sunrise sounded beautiful and Jack's butterfly just choked me up.
Katie & Laney - big hugs for both of you tomorrow.
Rozzie - I hope you are doing OK
TM - Welcome back and congrats!
Hi to everyone else, I will come back and do some more personals when I get back, I need to crawl into bed, I am dog tired. Here is to some BFPs soon!!

hi girls!
i just really quickly wanted to get on and let katie, Laney and Hgirs know that i am thinking of you all today and hope that you all get through it ok!
Our friends who had their baby 6 weeks prem and named him Jack came in yesterday (have told you the story previously) to say hi. As soon as i saw them and then the pram i started to really stress out and the more i tried to act normal the more shaky and nervous and stressed i got. Worse -i was with a customer at the time also!:wall: Their baby is beautiful but i got teary and then after they left i went out back for a quick bawl.
The dad sent a message to DH last night and asked if i was ok and they had'nt intended to upset me but i said to Dan it is too close to when i was due to having madison and too close to Jack for me not to be emotional so just let them know i was happy to see them (which i genuinely was) but it also killed me to be so happy for them when we had lost so much.
hammi -testing...well, i have nothing at the moment BUT my body has been (TMI coming) beyond badly constipated so have'nt tested. the last 4 days have been hell and yesterday my poor belly blew up like a balloon and felt ready to pop. So with your eyes and my poor insides we are a great pair right now!!!;) My body is quite sensitive to something i eat and so i do get a bit but this lately has been horrible! any suggestions to help...anyone???
xx jo