hi girls!
well the last couple of days have consisted of me stepping about 1000 paces back in where my emotional state has been at. tuesday felt like i was having a meltdown - spent most of the day in tears. Even today at work had to fight them back at times and we had head office in! I have been trying to find 2 urns that would nice for Jack and Madisons ashes but just can't find some that are "perfect" for what i want! well, i have found perfect -they are in the states and can't seem to get a reply email back!
anyway -
katie -so glad your mum is getting looked after! How did it feel when they told you the head was engaging....they are wonderful words and such a great start of things to come............as for my friend not telling his wife about Madison, i do agree. I have avoided parties because i know she will be there but i can't avoid them forever and we do have one coming up that she may be at so it puts me in a bad place kinda. I would rather be emotional in front of her and she know why than be emotional and her be confused. unfotuneately what has happened to my babies is a reality and i am not the only one to have to deal with it so, i guess he has made his choice. just makes it hard.
tildy - so great to hear from you. I am glad you were talking to your boss about that workload -please be careful. I hope they were understanding! You need to relax sometime! and your statement about me being too strong - i am seeing my MIL this weekend for emilys birthday and am dreading it. It will be my first time seeing her since i lost Madison and i hope she does'nt upset me too much! She will ask questions and push the boundries but i am just hoping to have a good party for em. I think being too "strong" has been my problem and that has lead to me being a wreck this week.
hgirs -take care and double check things that you feel are not right from the past. you can only ask!! hope your followup went ok!
to everyone else -hello!!!
x jo
Jo: take it easy this weekend, don't let MIL get you down. You have been through so much and have every right to have a complete meltdown whenever you want. Just be kind to yourself and take time out when you need to.
Helen: I look forward to hearing your results, PG symptoms are such a catch 22 aren't they. You don't really want to have MS but when you do it is kind of reassuring. Hopefully your good news keeps coming!
Tildy: TAKE IT EASY! I don't wanna have to do any more skinny white ass whooping. You know I will if I have to!!
Just a quick update from me... I started my new job this week and I am absolutely stuffed. Clearly after 7 weeks holiday I have no match fitness and with so much new info to take in I am finding it incredibly draining. Anyway, off to Byron for a weekend of pampering to recover, I laughed when we booked this weekend about needing it after my first week of work but now it has actually turned out to be more true than funny.
Btw, 2 girls in my practise group are due in December. One is my boss and she knows what happened with me. She has been trying to have a second baby for 12 years (her daughter is 14) and has suffered several miscarriages and serious endometriosis, I think has even gone through ivf. Because I know what she has been through and because of how understanding she has been with me I genuininely feel happy for her. It might change in Dec when she has the bub but i was relieved to not walk into the office and burst into tears!!
Anyway, I am off to lie down on the couch and watch scooby doo with DS (with my eyes closed!!)
Paula - well done on returning to work and I can imagine it must be exhausting. Take your time and try not to stress about seeing the babies in Dec. I am always finding that the things I fear most after Nathaniel often end up being the ones I deal with best. Enjoy your weekend in Byron - so jealous!
Jo - I don't think it is fair of this man to ask your DH and you to 'pretend' you did not lose Madison. I hate when people make assumptions about what we can handle after a loss. If you see her at this party and you get upset and she asks why - just tell her. She will be able to handle it. He never asked you directly not to say anything and I think it is unfair of him to expect it of you. And yes I think sometimes by trying to stay strong it then comes and bites you occasionally. Just ride out the grief and let the tears flow. I also hope all goes well with your MIL and she is compassionate and understanding.
Tildy - take care and don't overdo it at work. I am glad that you will be talking to your boss about not working such long hours. Also in regards to breast cancer, I believe that my sisters and I will now have to start having regular mammograms. The strange thing is that as far as my mother is aware there is not history of breast cancer in the family - so it is a bit left field.
Helen - looking forward to hearing about your preg results. And don't worry about lack of symptoms - I had zero this time (and I desperately wanted every nasty one). My ob told me that symptoms are a very poor indicator of a healthy pregnancy. So just keep that in mind if you start to worry.
Hi to all, Lan, Laney, etc. I am having a complete mental blank. We need to do a list of all our names so I can save it and check back on it to ensure htat I don't forget to say hello to everyone. Sorry if I have not mentioned you by name!!!
Hi Ladies,
I just wanted to let you know that I got an unexpected BFP today. My DH and I were told to not get pregnant this month because of the loss last month. My AF was a couple of days late so I took a test and sure enough. I am really scared to death, can't stop crying.
Laney - I am lost for words! I want to say congratulations but I know that you must be very nervous and scared. I will say a prayer today that this little one is a fighter and has the strength to stay with you for 9 months. Will you go to the dr to have the pregnancy confirmed?
Sorry I havent been around for a while. Been flat out at work after my week leave, so by the end of day I am exhausted and just crash.
Everything is fine with me, went and saw GP yesterday, she is closely watching my thyroid levels this time (never has before) and I have bloods every two weeks. I have had to increase my dosage once already and close to a second time.
Going to my first Ob appointment on 21/10. Looking forward to it. Hopefully HB still there.....
We also discussed the amount of metformin I am taking (taking 3000mg which is quite high). Anyway she said to maybe start reducing a tablet per week to 1500 mg as I said I wasnt going to go cold turkey....
She is of the opinion that 1500 mg she is quite happy for me to stay on for the whole pregnancy, but I am sure the Ob will have a different view .
I think I will go with my gut feeling on this one.....
Tildy - please look after yourself. I was so glad to read that you are going to speak to your boss as you need to say something. How is the bleeding going???
Lan - Congratulations on selling the apartment. Is it official yet???
Jo - I read your post with tears in my eyes. Take your time with the Urns, I think it is most important that you pick the perfect ones for your angels.
Paula - You poor thing being so busy. But I am also jealous of you going to Byron. Enjoy and rest up. I understand what you are saying about babies being born in December. My angel was meant to be in November and I know a couple of girls who are due in this month. I am not sure how I am going to handle it, but I think it helps a little that I am pregnant at this stage.
Helen - I am waiting with baited breath from your results...... for a good result.
Laney - I have to say congraulations and I am so nervous for you. But I will be hoping all will be OK and this little bubs is a toughie......
Katiegirl - How are you feeling??? Getting too big to get around.. he he he. Is bubs still kicking you heaps???? Not long now girl, I can't wait...
Laney, the BFP's are a bit contagious in here at the moment. We should have warned you. I know how you must be feeling but hopefully your body knows what its doing and that this little bub is meant to be. I will cross everything for you and hope its a sticky one!
Jo, I just wanted to let you know that I have given up (or perhaps put aside is a better word) trying to find a nice urn for Charlie's ashes. Like you I want something absolutely perfect and it was starting to feel so forced and I couldn't believe how much it was stressing me out that I couldn't find anything. So I just decided to leave it and trust that at some point in the future when the time is right I will stumble across the perfect thing and will just know its right. I actually said a prayer to her and asked her to help me find what she wanted when she felt it was the right time. I know that sounds a bit weird but I talk to her a lot and definitely feel like I get certain feelings or signs when she's around.
Sue, make sure you don't get too busy with work and take plenty of rest time. Hopefully you'll sort out all your thyroid and metformin stuff, it certainly is an added worry that you could really do without isn't it.
Katie, sooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!
bugger, DS just came in and wants brekky... hi to everyone else and chat again soon!
I have been trying to find 2 urns that would nice for Jack and Madisons ashes but just can't find some that are "perfect" for what i want! well, i have found perfect -they are in the states and can't seem to get a reply email back!
for a good result.
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