Trying To Conceive After Stillbirth/Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage August 2008

Hi girls

Well, my DS is having his first day at daycare! It was very strange leaving him with strangers, we had a couple of play dates there beforehand, but it is still weird! I was a bit emotional as I walked away, he on the other hand couldn't care less, he was having a great time! So here I am supposed to be working, and talking to you guys!
AF showed her very ugly face this morning, so I am back in for next month, every pregnancy I have had, has always been the 3rd month, so fingers crossed for this one being the 3rd month!

Sue, Lan was right she is your TTC buddy for Oct, and I hope she is right about me!:dance:

Lan - You have waited such a long time for this moment, I can understand your apprehension, but when you walk out tomorrow afterward hopefully things will be a lot clearer for you. You are the best mother Hamish could have, it isn't anything you did, but I do know those feelings:hug:. Good luck tomorrow, I hope you get some answers, just remember that a lot of the time, there aren't any.

Hi to all, have to get back to work!

Hi to all and i'm happy to join in the :grouphug:

Jo: I will be thinking of you tomorrow, Madison will be in my prayers.

Hammi: I hope you get some answers from your appointment. Please don't blame yourself. I know that is our first instinct as mother's but some things are out of our control. You just have to trust that Hamish only needed to be with you for a short time and that now he is out there fulfilling his soul's purpose and is all the better equipped to do that because of the love and nurturing you gave him when you were together and still give him now that you are apart.

Katie: good luck for the OB, it must be so delightful to feel those reassuring little kicks. You are an inspiration to all of us.

Hgirs: I can emphathise with your emotional day care experience. I used to cry every day when I dropped DS off. I would hold it together until I got to the car and then break down in a blubbering mess. It really is so good for them though. My DS has learnt so many things that he just wouldn't have been exposed to at home. I also think my relationship with him is that much stronger because we have some time apart and I get to do something for me, which makes me happier and better able to focus on him when we are at home together. Persevere with it, especially if your son is ok. You will find it easier with time.

Well my update is that I finally got my test results back. It seems like forever although not as long as Hammi has had to wait. We chose not to have an autopsy done. I'm not sure why, our OB didn't think it was necessary and everything was such a blur at the time we just went along with his recommendation. I did have a heap of blood tests though and we had the placenta etc sent for testing.

It turns out that the cord was extremely wound up, so much so that the OB has never seen anything like it in all his years of practice. He can't say if it was the cause but he thinks it is 'significant'. My blood also showed a high level of antibodies for parvo virus (the human one not dog one!) so they sent it back for more tests to see if I had the virus. The next lot of tests couldn't confirm or rule it out. Only a small percentage of women get parvo virus during pregnancy and of them only about 5% will result in still birth. Again he couldn't say if this was the cause but said it could well have been.

The thing that really upsets me is that adults generally contract it from day care centres. Adults have no symptoms and once you've had it you're immuned but kids apparently get cheeks which look like they have been slapped and are a bit fluey. When I was PG and on holidays I decided it would be nice for DS if I went and spent a day at the centre with him to help out. He absolutely loved it but now I am wondering if that is when I could have contracted the virus. I will never know but it upsets me that I may have lost Charlie from something which could have been prevented. I'm not blaming myself but just the fact it could have been avoided is quite disturbing.

The good news is that either of those possible causes are not likely to reoccur so OB is confident that any future pregnancies will be successful. Although he said that after my first MC and then we lost Charlie so I am well aware there are no guarantees.

OB said next time I should be super freaky about hygiene such as washing hands before cleaning teeth or blowing nose etc and basically after touching anything. Especially after going to day care. Thought that might be a useful tip for all of us who are TTC or already PG, you can never be too careful I guess.

Anyway, that's my update. Hugs to all.

Paula
xox

Hi all. I am back and all good news. I asked for a scan and whilst it was hard to see much because the baby is now much larger, we saw the heartbeat. She is still head down so hopefully she will stay that way. I am measuring correct for dates and my ob is happy with everything...so I am happy too. I told him about my dream and he said that it is common in the last phase of pregnancy to have dreams etc, and because I have a history of night terrors he said that it is possible they will increase...lovely. I am hoping that won't be the case.

So that is my good news for the day. I will be back later for personals.

Good morning all,

Jo - I so feel for you and how you are feeling. I wish I could take it all away.... I will be thinking of you on Friday and just remember, we are all here for you. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Paula, I am so glad you don't blame yourself and I can understand trying to search for answers.... Thank you so much for the advice, I will be so careful when I get pregnant next. I really don't care what others think of how careful I am, because until they walk in our shoes, they will never know....

Hi Helen - I hope Lan is so right...... if not you will be joining us the month after.

Katiegirl - Goodluck at your OB appointment today. You must catch us up with all the good news when you get back. I think we need some...

Lan I will be thinking of you tomorrow when you get your results. I hope it provides you with all you need :hug:.

Tildy hope all is well and you are feeling better... he he he

xxx Sue xxx

Hi Katiegirl,

We must have just crossed over with emails.

:happyforyou::happyforyou::happyforyou: for your good news.

xxx Sue xxx

Just a quick one,

Jo - :comfort: I will be thinking of you tomorrow, saying your goodbye to Madison, but she will never be gone from your heart, take comfort in that sometime when you can.:hug::hug:

Lan - Good luck tomorrow I hope you get some answers, but even if you don't that is not necessarily a bad thing either.:hug::hug:

Tildy - I hope your follow up goes well tomorrow:hug::hug:

Mrs Robbo - I am glad your OB seems confident your troubles won't re-occur, it does sound like that.

Katie - Great news today!

Ds seemed to love daycare today! and I must admit I did get a fair bit of work done!

Hi all - Madison Rose will be farewelled today at 10am by Jo and her family.

Jo - I will be lighting my candle and saying a prayer for Madison, Jack and all your family. Please know that whilst I am not there with you, I am thinking of you and praying that you may find peace and comfort over the coming weeks and months. Farewell Madison, know that you will live on in the hearts of all who remember you. :comfort:

Dear Jo & Family,

My thoughts are with you today and Maddison Rose.

xxx Sue xxx

Jo - thinking of you and your family today. I hope today brings you some closure and peace.

Goodbye Madison

XO
Danek

Dear Jo

I have no words to express how much I feel for you and you've had to go through today. My love to you and your family, including your two little angels.

It's not goodbye today because you'll see Madison again. Tonight will be so hard for you but know that you're not alone and we all feel so much for you and your loss.

Come back and talk to us soon. Don't feel isolated or lost. You can even post to say you hate everybody.

A million :hug: to you.


Lan
xoxox

Hamish died of "mild hypercoiling of the umbilical cord". Apparently umbilical cords are structured like a telephone cord however the one that was supporting Hamish had too many coils which slowly restricted the flow of blood to him.

My useless ob said he's never heard of the condition and will have to "look up the internet" and consult his colleagues about it. He said it's like an act of God that was caused neither by me or Hamish. I didn't need him to tell me any of that, and I can Google the words from the report myself!

I thanked heaven that my boy just slowly drifted off to sleep, that I indeed didn't kill him and that I'm not broken in my baby-making parts.

On Monday I'm going to trot off to my GP with this report and ask her to write a referral to another obs, who was recommended to me by a member of BB who has also had a stillborn bub.

Jo -- It it now 10am here in Sweden, so you've already had the memorial service and said goodbye. I am thinking of you now, and I hope the service has helped you achieve a little peace, even if I know that the difficult road has not come to an end. Sleep tight, Madison Rose, knowing that you're loved not just by Mom, Dad, and your earth and angel siblings, but also by some ladies from all over the world.

Lan -- of course you didn't kill Hamish. Though I can understand if hearing that it's an "act of God" might not feel any better -- it didn't for me, anyway, as I thought "If it was something that I did, then there's an explanation and I could make sure I didn't do it again!" DH and his mom both say half-jokingly that I have the worst of both worlds -- an atheist who still manages to believe I'm being punished when something bad happens to me.

I'm sorry your OB expressed himself clumsily -- we've been hearing a lot of that lately! Their bedside manner sure needs some work. You don't want to have to feel like they're sitting and Googling right before you walk in the room. Good job on asking the GP about a new OB.

Jo, are you lurking? Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and here to lend an ear, a virtual shoulder or anything you need.

Katie, congrats on passing the 30wk milestone. That is an amazingly wondeful number. Downhill now!!!

Tildy, I read about your bleed in the pregnancy thread (I go in there all the time to give myself a boost). You are getting very zen indeed and why shouldn't you. You deserve to hold this little one all gurgling and sweet in your arms in 31 weeks.

Sue, what have you done to spoil yourself this weekend?

Helen, tomorrow is the first day of your lucky month! It's going to happen!

Hi and hugs to everyone else.

Hi all

Lan - Thank you for your good vibes, crossing my fingers you are right! I am glad you got some answers back from Hamish's autopsy, I really hope it has helped put your mind at ease a little.

Jo - :hug: I hope you are getting the love you need, we are all here if you need us.

Katie - 30 weeks:hooray: Can't wait till that is me!

Tildy - I too read your post in the preg thread, I remember the first time I had ever so light spotting and I knew it was not going to end well with my 1st miscarriage, BUT when I had it again with my DS, I remember the initial shock, but then the feeling that this time it was different, and it was! So I think your ability to deal with this episode my just be your inner source telling you things will be OK.

Rozzie - How are you going?

Sue - I hope you are looking after yourself

Cindee - I can't remember if I have congratulated you already, but:cheer:

Danek, Mrs Robbo, - How are you doing?

I have been very emotional over last week, esp the last couple of days. I need to go to bed and just switch off, but my mind is ALL over the place, and of course DH and I read an article in the paper today about twins that were born here at the Mater (where I was) at 24 wks weighing less than Cooper and they are now 100 days old and are doing fantastically! Don't get me wrong it is wonderful, but I can't help but think, Cooper was only 2 days short of that, why didn't they try:(. I know deep down, it was too soon for him but it just isn't fair!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for my selfish rant.....

Hi, everyone. We've just gotten back from a weekend with my in-laws and it's time for bed, so I just wanted to post to make sure I didn't miss posting something I've been waiting to post...

:cheer: Katie -- 30 weeks! :cheer:

I'm very glad to see that ticker. I hope your worry can lessen now for every day that passes and that having your little girl will make up for having to worry when you should have been able to be only happy and excited.

Tildy - thank you so much. Your post has made me smile and given me the boost I needed.

I hope you are doing ok - and yes you do sound very at peace with yourself and this baby. I honestly hope that this baby will be able to hang on and that this heamatoma has bled for the last time! I hope you had a lovely weekend at your in-laws.

Hi to all - will come back later after I have had my cup of tea. Just going to watch the sunrise.

Hi all,

Hoping everyone is well.

I am totally totally confused and my mind is racing....

OK here is my story

Sat, my temp went up to 36.80 and on Sun 36.89, so I though I would do a test (would have been 14 dpo). Didnt use first urine, but I got a slight positive.

Anyway still have been spotting (not much though) and today my temp dropped to 36.71 (though I did my temp 1 hour before normal and didnt get much sleep as my mind was racing).

If I am pregnant, I think it is doomed, as I have had spotting since 8 dpo.

Heading off to Dr's today as I had an appointment anyway to ask about progesterone levels etc. So I will check.

xxx Sue xx

Sue, I will keep my fingers crossed for you that the spotting is nothing serious. Please let us know what your dr has to say. I had a temp drop on Day 29-30 and then my temp slowly rose again after that. Good luck and I will say a prayer for you.

Hi Girls

I've been away in the country all weekend but have been thinking about how everyone is going.

Jo: you and Madison were in my thoughts on Friday. I hope Madison's farewell was exactly the way you wanted it. I would love to hear how your day went if you feel like sharing.

Sue: i hope you get good news at the doc's today. I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Tildy: I haven't been to PG thread but I hope everything is going ok for you

Katie: HOORAY on 30 weeks. I hope you can feel us all cheering you on every step of the way. Who would have thought 40 weeks could be such a long and anxious time. You may have already mentioned this before I joined the group but are you going full term or are you being induced, ceasar etc. My OB mentioned being induced at 38 or even 34 weeks next time round and I was wondering if anyone else has had this come up.

To everyone else, I hope life is heading in the direction you want. DH, DS and I are off to Dunk Island next Sunday and have never needed a break as much as we need this one. So I've decided not to think about ttc until after we've had that break and then decide what we should do. I get anxious enough waiting to hear how all you girls are going let alone if it was me!

Paula
xox

MrsRobbo, glad to hear you are taking a holiday to Dunk Island. It will be wonderfully relaxing and I am sure exactly what you need. It has made me think that DH and I need a weekend away where we do nothing but eat and sleep!

Thanks also for the 30 weeks congrats - it is lovely how excited you are all for me. It makes me feel very special. My ob has told me that there is no reason for me not to expect to have a full term (40 week) natural birth. I don't have any clotting disorders etc, so until further notice I am going the full term and waiting for nature to takes it course. I have the swab at 36 weeks so I suppose that may make a difference, but so far all steam ahead.

Can you all tell I am avoiding doing work today. So bad! I will probably end up posting a million times to avoid getting a report finished.

Sue crossing my fingers for you!

Thank you all for your positive vibes.

I really dont give much hope for it, but will update more later.

Maybe I dont want to get my hopes up to high, to be disappointed.....

xxx Sue xxx

Sue, given your experience it's understandable that you'd expect the worst. I looked at your chart though and I don't think that anything there's that different to mine was, I had spotting at 8, 10 and 11 DPO (and I had a BFP at 10DPO) and a temperature drop before a slow climb back to high levels. Anyway, as always it's just a wait and see game but I guess it's great you can get pregnant, I thought you had to use IVF?

Good luck, let us know what the doc says.

Thanks Rozzie,

I so hope so.

Yes I did go IVF last time, but I dont get pregnant easily.

My first two were natural and the 3rd IVF.

Well I am off the the Dr's now, though I just had (TMI) a bit of jelly stuff which normally happens close to AF.

Well fingers crossed.

xxx Sue xxx

Oh, Sue. I know it's hard to be positive. The rest of us are generating all the hope that you say you don't have. :) Just like you guys seem to have more positive thoughts about my bubs sometimes than what I can muster myself.

I'd say "try not to worry about the spotting," but I know it's impossible. But if we choose to believe the 10 or 12 doctors I've met both this and last pregnancy, I could spot all the time and they wouldn't be concerned. I've had two bright red gushes of blood in the last two weeks (I would have filled up a pad if I'd been lucky enough to be wearing one) and they're still very "You have a hematoma. It happens, and we're not worried, so you shouldn't be." I'm starting to believe them because I'm starting to realize that there is no benefit to me in not believing them. Plus, every page I've read on the net seems to agree with them. :D

We'll be here to hold you up, and we'll try not to get too jump-up-and-down excited yet. I understand that you're wary of that; DH and I still are as well. :hug: Let us know what doc says.

Work has been so busy, I'm having trouble keeping up with BB. I know, how dare they interfere with my BB time! I'm seriously addicted to you guys. Sometimes I sit there and think about one of you, especially if you're having a scare or you just got a BFP. It's amazing that I've never met any of you but I feel like I know you so well.

Katie, have you heard from Jo at all?

Sue, I know you were seeing a naturopath, have you considered acupuncture? I see one (as you probably remember) but reading the literature on the practice, it seems that acupuncture is good for tweaking things. I thought it may be effective for your spotting.

Roz, before I went back to work, my boss sent an email around to everyone on my floor and people I usually talk to interstate to let them know that I was coming back, what my circumstances were, and to expect that I may want to cry, or not talk etc. That really helped me. Is there anyone who can do that for you?

Hugs to everyone - hey Roz and Tildy, one more week and you're into double digits on your ticker!

BTW, is anyone on Facebook? I recently joined that 21st century and got an account.

I'm on facebook Lan, under Roslyn Walker (pic of me has ocean in background).
Would be cool to put some faces to names!

Rozzie - I think I have just friend requested you...at least I hope it is you! Otherwise some poor Roslyn will get a message saying 'Hi Katiegirl here'.

Lan - I sent you a PM.

I am also on Facebook, my name is Lori Ceangailte.

Firstly I want to thank you all for being so understanding. I know I was pretty negative yesterday, but I think it is just a "protective" act.

and also want to thank you all for your positive thoughts, I really do appreciate it.

Well, went to the Dr's yesterday and it took me a while to get around to telling her. I was going on about progesterone and the spotting etc etc and then I suddenly burst out that I did a test and got a light positive.

Well she also wanted to do a test and again it was lighter than normal (but darker than mine which was done in the morning and yesterday I drank 2 ltrs of water), though she did mention that I am only just 4 weeks and that could be the reason and depending on when the embryo implanted.

So she is checking for viability, I had a blood test done yesterday at 4pm and on Wednesday I have to go and have another blood test at 4pm.

Yesterday night I started feeling some cramps etc, and bb's are feeling a bit sore, so hopefully these are good signs.

I am trying, so trying to stay positive.

Thank you all again, you are my sanity....

xxx Sue xxx

Oh I forgot to mention, my temperature went up again to 36.84.

xxx Sue xxx

Sue, I'm reeeaaallly hoping this baby sticks for you. I don't see why not though, all your signs and symptoms sound good to me so far. A word of warning from me though, charting after a BFP can do your head in- I did it for ages and would worry when I thought it wasn't high enough that my progesterone was low. It was actually a ridiculous high of 202 at 7 weeks so you just can't tell.

It's hard to know when to celebrate isn't it? But still, YAY!!! I hope the blood tests come back with great numbers.

Love Rozzie

Sue, Yay from me too, I really hope you have a sticky bub, and your chart looks great!

Lan - I am not on facebook, will have to look into it, I am a bit techno phobic in that area!

Sue - I won't say congratulations just yet as I can sense you are keeping this lowkey (understandable), but I will send you massive amounts of positive and sticky vibes! I think your symptoms sound good. I know I have told everyone this a million times...but I did not test until 4-5 days after AF was late, and I got a BFN. I tested in the afternoon (at work go figure) with weak urine but even still the BFN was a shock. I then tested the next morning and got a very faint positive, same again the morning after. So a whole week after AF was due I went to the GP and she did a test, once again in the afternoon, and she got a faint positive. She took a blood test and told me that if I felt anxious over the weekend, to do another test to see if it was a stronger positive. So I went off and bought a different test (Discover Onestep) and the next morning woke at 5:30 and tested and got a really strong BFP. So I was 1 whole week past AF until I got a strong result. Plus on the day AF was due I had a temp drop like you, and then the temp continued to rise again. The fact that your temp is still way above the coverline is a good sign. Like you I also had the cramping and I assumed it meant AF was on its way, and now look at me 30 weeks later! So there you have it. Big hugs and hang in there. It would be lovely to get another BFP in here. We have been very lucky of late with the TTC mob. :hug:

Sue that is so exciting. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to stay positive but try and enjoy your BFP. i'm not quite up with all the BB thingies but i'm sending you sticky dust or whatever it is that you send people when they get a BFP :) Please keep us posted with the progress!

Thank you all so much. I want to give you all big hugs :hug:

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I would probably go insane, I tell you!!!

Thank you all for making me feel so much better.

Love to you all.

xxx Sue xxx

Go on Sue. Be pregnant then. I'll give you a head start :-)

:stickyvibesboy::stickyvibesgirl:

hey girls,
again sorry i have been MIA for the last few days. Have been lurking but my mind has been a bit all over the place again and i had a sook at mum and dads this morning (unintentionally). So then my poor dad got a bit upset and worried and i thought i need to get on here again and have a read. (re:silent support!)
First tho, you guys are really quite wonderful, thank-you for your thoughts for Friday, it turned out for those not in MELB to be a beautiful morning. I had a horrid previous 24 hours. we had asked to have her at home the night before and the morning they bought her i was a mess. Her coffin was so perfect and small and i was heartbroken to see our child there whne i opened it. Although i really struggled it was good for me to be able to see her and say goodbye on my own. I am really grateful for that extra time with her. When i first woke and even when we first got to the cemetary we could see some fog in the rose gardens but by the time we were ready to start the sun just came out for us which really made things sit a little better for me. I really needed it to be a nice day for her, it was a small strange comfort to me after watching the weather obsessively all week leading up. Judy who took the service was so wonderful and gentle in her words again and just goes above and beyond her job! We feel very blessed to have stumbled across her as her approach is so, so personal. She even bought a pamphlet for Dan about male grieving as she was'nt sure how he was dealing with everything. The kids released love heart balloons with roses attached, the pink one took off into the sky (i saw it as a sign due to the colour) but the white one hung around. My dad had a fiddle and then soon enough it was off as well. My step mum (in law) did'nt come as she had worked the night before and wanted to sleep as she was tired. We are most likely having to go over to there place this weekend for fathers day but to be honest i really don't feel i can deal with her. (Yes Katie, the hurt from it has finally stepped in!) It will be the first time i have seen her since Madison died and i'm not sure i can deal with that or her attempt at being supportive, sorry, that i will get!:rolleyes:I do feel blessed that i could buy Madison an outfit and dress her like a mum does and get to place our book and a toy for her. (with Jack and madison i made a small scrapbook with photos of them with us and messages written from dan and i and pictures from the kids for them to be cremated with. I also have a snap heart necklaces and wear the half from each of theirs that they wore, around my neck) Dan and Josh took her over to the crematorium as we wanted to and did last time. We just doid'nt want anyone else to be the ones to do it. Josh really wanted to be a part of helping this time so it was touching to see Dan and our 2 kids (em had to tag along) take their sister over and say a final goodbye.
But i still cannot stop that countdown in my head, every new week, i am saying to myself 26 weeks, she would have been ok now...doing that damn countdown, to what?!!? Its almost a self torture that i continue to make myself go through, clinging on to something that can only exist and live on in my heart now. I have taken this week off work as well. (which is what i got upset about at mums) I have my long service coming up in Oct so want to go back for that but my heart is not there anymore. I really am not phased if i don't go back. Huge words for a workaholic! I have always drowned myself in work whenever something has gone wrong in my life, it has been my way of dealing with things but this time i am still holding that fear of going back and i am not sure why. I almost feel like i am at that waiting for the first day of school again. Its that unknown nervousness. I don't know if it makes sense but there it is...
as for you guys, i am on facebook too so if you see a Jo asking to be your friend its me! (i am in a photo with josh on mine!)
quick personals as i have well and truely taken over this posting!!!
sue - congrats to you, i am keeping fingers and toes crossed for a sticky bubs! It really is wonderful news!!! Try and be positive, i just read an article oin the wekend about fertility etc and although easier said than done sometimes, it rang true how far it can go for us!!
hgirs -try facebook, its easy and trust me i am clueless when it comes to things like that! hope you are going ok!!!
mrs robbo - please pack me in your suitcase, i would love a holiday to relax(although not so romantic for you and DH!lol!) and get some sun. Dunk Island is suposed to be beautiful!!!!!!We are still talking about one and will probably get over to Cook islands (we love it there) or fiji early next year. It will be great for you guys to do so if i don't get a chance to say right before you go - HAVE A GREAT TIME!!! (for me....!lol!) I also read your post about the parvo virus, i was tested for this in preg as my daughter got it, (from child care!!) when I see my OB next i will ask him if he ever got the results as i saw my GP but asked that the results get sent to my OB instead. I got told by my GP that it is'nt cosidered a problem but then that week in one of those weekly updates you can get sent with your bubs development etc it had a part about that. So of course it had that it is a problem in pregnancy and had different reasons for why it is so bad at the beg and the middle. i thought i would always wait to see my OB again as our GP was'nt concerned but then that appointment did'nt end up happening...
Hammi - how are you going? your statement about this site -i could have written it. So strange, but wonderful, how we are so bonded yet have never met? I am always thinking about people in here and have now found myself talking to my mum about how some of you are going even tho she has NO idea about this site or who any of you are!You are sounding so much more positive in every way of late - it does sound like you are getting to a good place!!!
tildy - i have said it before-you have amzing strength. I would be in a collapsed heap if i had to deal with what you have, and yet you continue to fight and believe and step forward!! I am so happy this bubs of yours is sharing your fighting spirit and it all seems to be false alarms!
rozzie and danek - hope you are well also and are on the way up too!

far too long a post! this is what happens when you lurk and don't post enough! Hope you grabbed a coffee (or water for those preg girls!) and got in a comfy chair for this one!
x jo

Hi Jo,

good to hear from you and I'm glad Maddison's service was how you wanted. Every week I did the 'how many weeks would I be' countdown, like you I knew it was pointless and painful, but couldn't help it.
I'm glad you have another week off, i hope when you do go back it's when you feel ready.

I also tell people about what's happening to you girls. I remember when I told my husband about Maddison he was so devastated, even though he didn't know you. Shared pain is so powerful.

Anyway, :hug: to you, there's not much you can do but take one day at a time right now, but know that we're all here for you.

Love Rozzie