Trying To Conceive After Stillbirth/Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage August 2008

Good morning everyone,

Hope everyone had a good start to the day.

Well, just got my results, the receptionist stated from the Dr "No action required". I asked her for the results of thyroid etc and she couldnt tell me individual results. Bloody hell!!! I like the figures, not just that everything is OK.

Rozzie - I am so glad your first day at work went OK. I think the hardest thing is walking through that door and facing everyone, once the day is over, you kind of feel relieved that you got through it. It sounds like you have a very nice boss. I am very fortunate with that also, my boss is very supportive. Though they don't know I am pregnant at the moment. I told them that I wont be doing IVF until November now.....

Tildy - How are you feeling today??? I know what you mean about symptomless. Yesterday I felt nausea all day, even was dry reaching when I got home, but today I feel fine and of course you start to panic and hoping all is OK.

Katie - Wow last day at work. I hope you have a good one. It must be so exciting. Are you intending on going back to work after bubs is born???? or are you deciding on that later???

:hello: to everybody else and hoping all is well for you all.

xxx Sue xxx

hey girls -
i did'nt think i had been gone that long from here, but there was so much to read!
I had my first day back at work yesterday. I was a nervous wreck the night before, trying to pick our an outfit that would be still considered current after 4 weeks off (i work in fashion) and trying to make sure everything was ready so when i woke up in the morning i was'nt a mess running around trying to find things. My boss was there so that was good and surprising, unlike when i went back with jack - no tears! not once. It is'nt the same as what it was before we lost Madison so really, i'll probably get through chrissy and new year and look at finishing i think. One of my friends said if i do get preganat again just to quit and have nine months of rest as it will do me good. Since i have stepped down from my mgt position i have'nt had stress from work so it does and does'nt sound good, just don't know what i would do!I had a customer come in and say she had withdrawals from me as i had'nt been around and asked if i was on holidays and i said i had something happen in my personal life and had time off. So then she is saying so did you have a good time, and i was just like um no, it was personal time off. She finally clicked to my no information and just said how good it was to have me back.:wall: My nights are still a mess and i am suffering major coffee withdrawals! I have a day off today and have a pounding headache. I am not a huge coffee drinker, i am a social drinker of it but the last 4 weeks i have been on 4 at least a day so my poor body which is now gonna be starved of it like before is feeling it horribly.
tildy - "i feel good, what wrong with me" - i smiled when i read that -it is good!!! Make the most of it!!!
katie - i saw that article after my dad let me know it was in there. (had'nt got paper yet) My dad has been very outwardly emotional when we lost jack and Madison and even with that obvious support for us he still said after reading it that he did'nt realise everything behind a loss until he read it. That was nice to hear - from someone i am close to and a man! I am so happy it was as big as it was and hope that many people rad it and gave them too, a small insight into what we all go through.
happy last day at work!!!! how exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:dance:
sue - glad things are on the up for you too! That much be making you feel hopefully a little more secure. I am a figures girl too, i am the annoying patient who needs details not their little flippant "your ok" answers!
hammi - thanks for your thoughts at night and all your support. I got told off by my dh for staying up all hours and i just yelled at him. I asked him if he knew how hard nights were for me and how hard it is to want to put myself to bed. We have alot of issues right now but i'll save that for another LONG post!!
hgirs - you guys are my inspiration again! i've done that big loop again and i feel very protected in here. And it is very inspring to see all these BFPs! So many are happening and although i am working through feelings of losing Madison, i can't help but feel happy when i read someones good news. I still pray that it will be me again one day!
cindee- how are you feeling with your m/s? hope you are ok!
have a good day guys!
x jo

Hi everyone

Everytime I post I'm in a mad rush and can't read everything properly. Wish I was going on maternity leave from tomorrow (soooooo jealous, Katie!!).

I have a garden too, it's a pot containing some herbs and marigolds because I read somewhere that marigold bugs eat herb bugs. I know, I am very scientific ;-)

I'm glad the first day of work went OK for you, Rozzie and Jo. Your boss sounds great Roz and so he should be.

Tildy, you're just over 10wks now, maybe your M/S is doing the right thing and tailing off. Very nice that you've got three weeks hols coming up!

Jo... fashion can date in four weeks??? Wow! I'm sorry to hear that there's issues with DH, I can imagine what they are though. Pls feel free to vent if you want! It would be great if you can take 9mths off with your next pregnancy. I told my boss that I would like to work part-time or at least 10am-3pmn when I'm pregnant again. I got a deafening silence as a reply but I'll push it when I'm actually pregnant.

Sue, maybe a broadbrush answer like that reduces the number of details you can worry about? So happy for you, especially because you got this baby all by yourselves.

Hi Katie, Cindee, Danek, Adele and Paula :-)

Good morning everyone,

Well I had a strange one last night, has anybody had this.....

I had huge abdominal pains. TMI - but went to the toilet in the middle of night and had to do no. 2's, that eased it. Started to get worried..... The past few days I have been going to the toilet to do number 2's a fair bit.

Hammi - thanks for your response. Yeah my Dr does think I stress a little much with everything. But sometimes I find that they are too laid back. Especially with my thyroid, as this is a major component with pregnancy.

Jo - I am so glad your first day at work went OK. I am the same as Hammi - how can fashion go out so quick!!! You must have a very large wardrobe???? I agree with giving up work, I must admit, I have considered it also (though I would be so bored!!!). An older lady at my work had real issues with getting and keeping pregnancies also, and she was telling me that she gave up work, to concentrate on getting pregnant and being as healthy as possible. She ended up having 2 kids. I suppose you can't eliminate the power of stress.....

A big hello to everyone else and hoping you all have a fantastic day.

xxx Sue xxx

hi eveyone everything is fine here.
seeing ob for first time tomorrow, hoping she's good..
my DS came up to me yesterday and told me i had a baby and its his friend. then he hugged my belly.. crossing fingers i dont dissapoint him... feeling good though other than passing out on bathroom floor on monday.. that was scary i was out for about 6 minutes before my oldest found me.. think im really exausted..i keep thinking of my angels all the time too....

hey everyone,
ok -time for 2 things as i promised josh i would watch Karate kid (memories....)

cindee -it freaked me out when you said you were out of it on the floor for that long! please take care of yourself -its not good for you to have that! please please rest!:hug:

as for me, a friend came into work today and was asking how i was etc. really pushing the "how are you?" question and i said you got my sms a few weeks ago right and she said no (but i could tell by her body language that she knew!) and i said we lost another baby a girl etc etc and she started on what we hate to hear - "well jo, your lucky you have 2 healthy beautiful kids", " maybe you should leave it as its obviously not meant to be", "some people are'nt lucky to have any kids and you have 2". i could continue with them... I WANTED TO SMASH HER! I said there is still something in my heart that wants another baby and the whole time she is saying she will be honest with me and tell it as it is even though it may be hard for me to hear and she understands because she has four kids, but maybe i should stop trying so i can just move forward with my life like she has had to do. (recently seperated) :wall::wall::wall: cannot believe one person could come out with so many cliches' in one hit!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! another vent over! feel a bit better now! sorry girls!
hope you are all well!
x jo
p.s sad but true with fashion and it sounds terrible, but when you have to "look" the part at work it does make it hard. And customers literally do walk in the door and go i want your outfit...sometimes without trying on so you need to stay up to date. As for the wardrobe - yes, its bigish (don't talk about it to my husband! lol!) but i do a huge cleanout each year of about 2 full garbage bags to give to charity. My style is very simple but in 4 weeks our whole colour palette had changed! hence the dilemma sunday night!
p.s x 2 - sue - my bowel habits (for lack of a better term)are all over the shop while i am pregnant so it could be just that. If you are in pain or anything then worry. I would get a bit of cramping but it was constipation and then when that eased off i was ok. if you are worried or uncomfortable -then just ask your GP or OB.

Hi all,

Sue, I sometimes get the abdominal pains that are eased after a trip to the loo, I think it's normal.

Jo, what a horrible woman!!! Why ask how you were and make you tell her again only to then lecture you!!! I would also add that a woman with 4 kids has no business telling you to be satisfied with two. I wonder if she would have been happy stopping at 2. She's lucky it wasn't me, I would have just told her straight out I don't want her advice. No-one's tried to do it to me yet, but I so do not want advice from people who have no idea what it feels like. They should just say sorry, ask if there's anything they can do and leave it at that.

Anyway, things have been going ok for me at work, except today I went to a brief and saw two people I'd been at a course with in March, and who knew I was pregnant. I freaked out a bit, but I kept my head down and left as soon as it was over and avoided them. It's not like I don't want to tell people who don't know, but in a setting with lots of other people it doesn't seem like a good idea.

Anyway, that's all from me tonight, think it will be another 9pm bedtime tonight, the 6 am starts are killing me!!

Love Rozzie

Jo - I would want to smash her too!! What a self possessed cow! Sometimes I wonder whether we are too critical of people that have never experienced the loss of a child, but she was just WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!!!!! Come and be wrapped in our arms.

Rozzie - I know what you mean, I went to our library today to pick up DVD's for DS, and I seen an old client reading a magazine. I instantly remembered the last time we spoke as I was so excited to tell her we were having another baby, I just quickly diverted my path and avoided her, as I knew she would ask about the 'baby'. It just brings back sooo much pain.

I have finally finished digging up my new garden, am taking a break tomorrow and then planting out, I am so excited!!

Mrs Robbo I have taken liberty from Ethan's idea, I hope that is OK. It really hit home when you said you were getting your dad to make a sign for Charlie's garden.....I have decided I too would like to have a sign made up for Cooper, as this really is HIS garden.

Hi too everyone else, I have been a bit slack on the facebook front, I will endeavour to get it sorted soon!

Hi all.

Okay where to start - Helen and Rozzie, I think I would still avoid someone if I hadn't seen them from last year and I still fear the awful question about being pregnant last year. I remember the same day I had the D&C a long lost friend left a message on Facebook (on the wall part that everyone can see) congratulating me on the pregnancy etc. I deleted it and I never told him about Nathaniel. I just couldn't deal with it. So know you are not alone in the avoidance and the dread of seeing people, it is completely natural.

Jo - where do I start!!! Oh yes, she acted like she didn't know but pressed you with the 'How are you' question. She obviously couldn't find the courage to just walk up to you and show some compassion so she chose ignorance instead. In fact ignorance is obviously a big issue for her - how a person can believe they have the right to tell anyone that they should not have any more children and to be happy 'with what you have' is staggering. And I hate the 'I am going to be honest with you even if you don't want to hear' just reeks of ego. It is different if honesty is given with an underlying foundaion of love (like my mother offers me - she can tell me to pull myself up out of the doom when no one else can) but this woman has no right. And yes the cliches are so helpful to the healing process...why people insist on pulling them out. Actually I know why they do, because they have no idea what else to say. I have learnt that sorry is the simplest and most effective sentiment. Don't you wish we all have the courage to just tell these people to get lost...but no we are the ones left feeling hurt and confused while they walk away thinking they have been so insightful and helpful. So forget her, and pity her for her lack of understanding. And I am sorry but you should never compare anyone's losses with something different like a seperation -both are tragic but they are different and have no common ground. End of rant. Sorry to hear that the nights are still troubling you, it is the witching hour when we are left to our thoughts and at times I still have these nights. Look after yourself and your lovely family.

Sue, I had some really bad bowel pains one night, so bad that I couldn't move and DH was so worried. I worked out after 15 or so minutes it was all bowel-related. I think it is common to have bowel issues during pregnancy. My ob told me that sharp pains are very rarely of concern, it is more when you have a cramping type pain across the middle of your stomach. If you are worried then ask your Dr.

Today is my first day of no work and to be honest, I loved it! I have started a creative writing course and had that class this morning. I then went about town running errands and taking my time. I was out all day, and returned home and slept for close to 3 hours!

Hi to everyone I have not mentioned by name, I need to scroll back through to see who I have forgotten. :grouphug:

Jo, slap her, slap her! Slap her till she's red in the face. What a mean-spirited cow. She's obviously unhappy with her separation and wanted to inflict pain on someone else. How dare she tell you how you should feel about your own babies. Hissssssssssssssss!:angry:

Katie, glad your first day of maternity leave was so idyllic. Good on you for doing the creative writing course.

Helen, good to see you on Facebook. I never saw the point to it before but seeing everyone's photos is the best.

Cindee, that is seriously scary that you passed out for that long. Sounds like low blood pressure? Definitely too much exertion?

Sue, I haven't had those pains but it does sound like constipation. I forgot to congratulate you on putting on your ticker so quickly. That's throwing down the gauntlet, isn't it? Good for you!

Paula hasn't been on a while. Hope everything is OK.

How are you Tildy? How are the symptoms?

Rozzie, I'm going to bed at the same time as you tonight. I have a 7am flight to catch tomorrow. I set my alarm for 4.45am - that's just inhumane isn't it!!!

Check back this weekend.

:grouphug:

hey everyone my ob appiontment went ok.. shes really nice dont know why i was worried.. all tests were good. bp is up though which explains the passing out.... been put on aldomet..... the best part though was seeing my little ones heartbeat...... may be an interesting ride again...

Hi Cindee,

Congratulations on seeing the bubs HB. Yippee

Look after yourself....

xxx Sue xxx

thanks sue i will

I am having a well rested day off from work tomorrow.

Wishing you all a fantastic weekend and look forward to catching up with you all on Monday.

xxx Sue xxx

It has been so quiet in here - I hope you are all well and enjoying your weekends. Sue - I hope you have had a wonderful 3 days off.

I had another Ob appointment on Friday and all is well. Good heartbeat, belly measuring correctly and still head down. We did the prenatal class yesterday and the facilitator pulled us aside afterwards and explained that she had been informed that we had a previous loss and wanted to make sure that we had been ok with everything. We found it a really lovely day and I even got a little teary when I saw the baby being born and then attaching to the mother's breast. DH said he almost cried as well! I think we both realise how blessed we are to be progressing well and it really does feel like we will be bringing this baby home.

Cindee - great news on seeing bubs' heartbeat - so special. I hope you are feeling ok after passing out? Take care of yourself!!!

Sue - I also forgot to say well done on putting up your ticker.

Hope to hear news from you all soon.

How are all the gardens going?

Hello, lovelies. I haven't been reading for a few days because I guess my subscription was off a bit. But guess what? I'm officially on vacation now. No work for 3 weeks! Although DH is off at 4:30 tomorrow morning for Kiev, I'm taking my driving test tomorrow and have the next scan on Wednesday with DH still gone... so other than getting to sleep all I like it's not going to be all relaxation...

Symptoms are still tiny to none. Lower than normal energy, moments of weak nausea, and sometimes some mild cramps or feeling like bubs is pinching me from the inside. Have you guys had that? Like pin-***** sharp pains here and there? I had it last time too, and when I roll over in bed or step off my bicycle I have that sort of little jolt of pain in the groin area, but that's the ligaments I guess.

It really feels that you're on the home stretch now, Katie. Any "nesting" going on now that you're off of work? Oh, the plans I have for the next 3 weeks... starting with cutting the foot-high grass perhaps... :P

Be careful about that high bp, Cindee, and about everything else. It's great that you saw bubs' heart beat. Make sure you take it easy and rest after what happened.

Hammi, where were you off to? I don't remember if you said.

Hanging in there at work, Rozzie? How are you feeling otherwise? Any scans coming up?

Sue, I've been experiencing so much abdominal/intestinal distress this time, it seems that some nights it doesn't matter what I have or haven't eaten, I get these wicked pains in my lower abdomen. But I can tell they're digestive. I seem to hover around diarrhea or constipated and never in between. But even if I know it's intestinal, it's hard to sit there and have pain right in those spots and not freak out a bit. But I think having to go, either pee or otherwise, puts extra strain on the growing uterus and causes some pain. I even read that the other day, when I was cramping a bit and noticing that it's worse when I have a full bladder.

jo -- it's shocking the lengths to which some people's tactlessness goes. I can understand that some people who haven't had a loss like ours can say clumsy things or throw out cliches that they might not understand are more hurtful than helpful. But this woman crossed a line that ought to be bright as day to anyone and everyone. I wouldn't tolerate hearing "sage advice" about when I should give up trying from my closest friends or the dearest loved ones in my family, so I certainly wouldn't find it acceptable from a co-worker. I'm not saying I would have known how to respond (I probably would have been stunned speechless or ran to a toilet), but what we're saying is... forget her nonsense. And perhaps, if you work with her, think up a short, to-the-point way of dismissing further such conversations.

It angered me when people told me "I'm sure it will be fine next time," as if babies are interchangable Wal-mart products and that getting over the death of my child was just a matter of breezily accepting that I'd have a shiny new one at some point. It strikes me as the same sort of trivialization to nag a person about how they already have kids and should consider themselves lucky. Consider this example: my sister died when I was 10 and she was 13. Do you suppose anyone ever went to my mother and said "Well, at least you've got another one, consider yourself lucky"? That would have been positively absurd.

You ARE lucky to have 2 healthy kids, jo, but they are not a modular replacement for the 2 more that you've created out of love and been unfairly forced to grieve. I'd like to tell the lady to **** off. :hug:

Good morning everyone,

Hope everyone is well.

Well I had a fantastic 3 days off. We ended up at Bunnings and bought a whole heap of plants and 3 tomato plants. So we were planting a lot of yesterday.

I had a freak out session yesterday.... I had some discharge which was only a tiny tiny bit, but it was an unusual colour - not pink or red but very strange. Of course with my history I was freaking out thinking this is it, its over..... Its amazing how quickly I do that!!!!!

Anyway havent had anymore, though my lower abdomen feels funny, bit airy and gassy and feel like there is discharge all the time, but there is not..... I think it has something to do with bowel again, as it has been funny the past few days again.

I am trying to stay calm!!!!

xxx Sue xxx

Sue - I do seem to remember being very gassy with my pregnancies, I think it is fairly normal, and I so understand the feeling about the discharge, I used to run to the toilet FAR to often only to find nothing! I even find myself out of habit still checking now (crazy women).

I hope everyone is well, Katie - great Ob appt, how do you feel now that you have had a few more days leave? Has it sunk in that you don't have to go to work?

I have a question to ask you guys..... I had a phone call from a friend this morning asking us to go away with them for 5 days in January on Moreton IS. My first reaction was 'oh how nice to get away from it all' and the house they booked is gorgeous, BUT. I am so paranoid that if I have happened to fallen pregnant this month, we would be on an Island for 5 whole days, what if something went wrong??? I would be around 20 weeks, I don't know what to do as I know DH will just tell me I am being paranoid. I can't help it, when things start to happen with me it is fairly fast (as in labour) and I am SCARED. Then there is the whole other thing of the house not having safety gates etc for my DS who will be 2, and other people not closing doors etc, he has already proven to be an escape artist. Am I being crazy or not? HELP!!!!:wall:

Hello everyone

Tildy, I was in Melbourne on Thurs & Fri. I used to LOVE Melbourne but unhappily I've had to go to there shortly after both my miscarriage and Hamish's birth so now I get such a horrible vibe from the place.

Helen, I would go. And I can say this because I'm excellent at dispensing advice that I have trouble taking myself. We will always be scared, if not for one reason then another. But no matter how much we fear something, we can't stop it from happening anyway. So please consider going as it would give you a lovely holiday to look forward to and you must believe that your next little baby will be yours to keep.

Rozzie and Tildy, it's the magic 12wk for you guys next week. Can't wait to hear about your little bubs bouncing away at your ultrasounds.

And Katie, what a great ultrasound result. Did you get to see your little girl? How big is she now? Can they tell?

How are you going, Jo? Chugging along during the day and silently dying on the inside at night? I hope you are getting more peace at night. How are you coping with work?

Sue, I totally get the freaking out. To this day I still get a jolt when I see coloured discharge but hopefully as the weeks pass you'll be able to feel more confidence in your miracle baby.

Good morning all,

Hoping everyone is well.

Lan, I wanted to thank you.... you have made me feel a little more confident about my "miracle baby". When you wrote that, I thought, maybe this is the one which is going to be a :stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy:.

So I am going to start being more positive and I wish my scan was tomorrow and not in 2 weeks (sob sob).

xxx Sue xxx

Jo, I want to send you a really understanding and loving hug... :hug:

As you know I had 4 children before I began losing my babies... I lost 6 - 3 early losses and then 1 son and 2 daughters.

I had some people suggest that "its just not meant to be". But I knew Imogen was there - I just knew that I would have one more baby. I call her my "baby in the clouds". This is because one day at one of the lowest days I just screamed to the sky " is this baby that I believe is coming out there!" I was angry and sad - distraught. I just sat there crying. Then the clouds made a pattern that was almost like a photo (albiet a fuzzy one!) of what I know now as Imogen. I KNEW she was there.

I understand your feelings, and I understand how hurtful and insensitive those comments are. I can remember being gobsmacked. However, let it go - she has her own stuff and you don't need it. Instead focus your energy, your visualisations and your heart on what you want to attract into your life.

Wish I could give you the biggest hug my love... :hug:

Hi Girls

WOW, so much to catch up on. We just got back from our trip to Dunk Island. It's funny, even though I haven't met any of you I was thinking about you all the whole trip and hoping you were all going ok. Having quickly scanned all the posts since I left it seems that you are all going well which I am very relieved about.

I will post more later, but for now just wanted to check in and say hi.

Paula
xox

Good morning all,

Hope everyone is well today.

I thought I would ask, if I could stay within this group. I feel so much comfort here.... I have tried going to the bellygroup on when bubs is due, but I am really struggling with it. It is really wonderful to chat with them (they are all wonderful girls), I suppose with the issues I have had, my focus is to get to the first scan after 8 weeks and then get to the 12 week scan etc etc and they are all so positive (which is lovely) and are talking about nappy bags and baby names and I really can't think of that stuff at the moment.

Hope you girls don't mind????

Jo - thinking of you :hug:

Paula - How was Dunk Island??? you lucky thing. Did you relax and enjoy??? What did you get up to???

Helen - I would book the holiday also. I think sometimes you need to do get away and do these things. Sometimes (especially me) your focus on getting pregnant and having a child sometimes takes over your life!! Your family will love it.

Tildy - How are you going??? I saw in the other area that you had another bleed. Are you OK???

Katiegirl - What fantastic news at the Ob. I cant wait until I get to your stage and see me bubs on ultrasound (but one step at a time). That was lovely of the facilitator at the prenatal class to have a chat with you. You will be bringing bubs home this time. I can feel it and we must stay positive.

Hello to anybody else I have missed.

Love to you all.

xxx Sue xxx

hi girls!
have been thinking of you guys all week so far but have'nt had a chance to get on and actually sit and write!
I got the first of Madisons birth certificates in the mail and was hoping they would include jacks name on it even tho due to his age we did'nt have to register him...and they did! It felt really wonderful to see my kids names all there even tho the certificate is surrounded by sadness it is a wonderful keepsake now with everyone on it nonetheless. Surprisingly it did'nt upset me even tho i have checked the letterbox daily for it - i think largely because of Jack being included. The pretty commerative one is still on its way. that has been ordered with a picture of babys footprints so i think that will be the harder hitting one. Dan was out on sat night and i had a major sook over jack and madisons photos, but the nights are slowly getting easier.
i am madly trying to organise 2 birthday paries for my kids.Time has creep up and at this rate no one will be able to come because i am leaving it so late! they are oct 6 and 20th and because of all that has happened i want to do seperate ones instead of a combined one. So i have a nagging neck ache from sitting on ebay trying to find items for a birthday cake for my son that are avaliable O/S but hardly in Aust! ARGH! 480 items later my brain is fried.....

flowerchild - thank-you for writing! your calming effect is wonderful! i have about 1000 questions for you! i have my appoint with monash coming up at the start of next month for madisons autopsy results and kinda want to go in prepared. On the off chance they say they can't find anything (as a few blood tests have already come back saying this) is there any questions or tests i should further ask for? If they do come back with something you know i'll be hitting you up for some support also! and thanks for your story about Imogen -its how i feel. I feel i am still meant to have another earth baby. How can you argue with your heart?
sue -i know what you mean about staying here in this group...i felt the same. I felt i had to go into the preg one as i needed to tell myself i was preg and give into some hope but i have always felt very comforted here too. So yes! Stay!!!!
mrs robbo -can't wait to hear about your trip!!! hope the weather was wonderful!
hammi - if you ever come to melb and you have some time give me a shout and we'll catch up! melb is an awesome place so it is sad it is tagged with sad memories! (i grew up in syd!)
hgirs -i second hammis advice! book the holiday and give yourself something to look forward to! It was quite wonderful to read you "may" be 5 months around then.....
katie -i hope you are going ok!!!!
cindee -how are you feeling?
tildy -3 weeks off -i am very jealous! we are hoping to getaway in jan -i am hopeful that i can hit work up for some unpaid time off! fingers crossed! Some queensland weather may be the answer!
take care everyone! i am back off to ebay to search for dora now! argh!!!
xx jo

Hi Sue - if the others are happy for me to stay here...than I can't see why you can't. Join the Preg after Recurrent and Late Loss thread as well. I am in that one too, as is Tildy etc. I have not joined the BellyBuddy group for exactly the same reason you mentioned. I swing between getting annoyed by peoples' naivete or jealous of it...all at the same time. I just don't feel I could be open with other women who have not dealt with a loss like mine (or yours in terms of recurrent). I feel more comfortable in this part of the forum with other women who have the same anxieties. I think you will find that most women in the TTC after recurrent, late and stillbirth never move over to the Bellybuddy - which is why we have the pregnancy thread.

Paula - would love to hear about Dunk Island. I am sure it was amazing and relaxing.

Lan - sorry to hear Melbourne has such terrible connotations for you. Maybe next time you visit, we can catch up.

Helen - I would also book the holiday. You might find by 20 weeks that you need a break. I was away with work when I hit the 20 week mark, but I had already had the big scan at 19 weeks and I was having regular movement so that helped keep me sane. Move forward with the belief that all will be well and this baby is strong and a fighter.

Jo - how is work going? I hope the nights are starting to prove a little easier.

Tildy - I also read about your bleed and I just wish you didn't have this extra stress, especially with your DH away. I hope all is well and you get good news from the dr again. Please let us know how you are doing.

I woke at 3:45 yesterday and stayed awake until 10:30pm...it is amazing that now I have finished work I bounce out of bed in the morning! Definitely psychological. Hi to all I have missed.

Hi Jo - we must have posted at the same time. I can't help with tests for Madison but have you had all the blood tests done on you? I could have a look through what Mark Umstad (who you all know I think is wonderful) ordered for me, if that will be of any help to you?

Lovely to know that Jack was included on Madison's birth certificate. Did you register Jack when he was born? We did not have this option with Nathaniel, but it would actually have been nice to know that he would be included on our other baby's certificates.

Hiya ladies. I've just been to the OB and it was good news. Of course, I only slept about 2 hours worrying about the appointment (and about driving for the first time all by myself -- I passed my driving test Monday), so when I explained everything that's happened since the last time I saw this guy (he was the doctor that found the hematoma 2 weeks before we lost Beiron) the tears just ran and ran. He was nice about it, grabbed me a Kleenex and rubbed my arm. Oh, and this is the OB that was in a drunken university student orchestra together with my hubby, so I was a little torn between "oh, at least I know he's nice" and "damn, even more embarrassing that I haven't shaved my legs for ages" and "but heck, I've seen pictures of HIM naked".

Anyway, the actual news was: the placenta has moved up, so now it's just "low lying" (the bottom edge of the placenta just reaches the cervical os) and he saw no black spots that would be the hematoma. He suspects it bled out for good on Monday morning, when I had a teaspoon-sized clump of coagulated blood come out. This means that instead of having a "great chance despite complications" I am currently in the rather awesome land of current having "no complications". My thyroid levels are good (I've had hypothyroidism since I was 8) and they're going to test again in 4 weeks.

I think I'd be more relieved if I wasn't so tired, but it's also one of those times when the good news is tough to take. Just like when we first saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks, the feeling of seeing the baby ticking and kicking just sort of strengthens the terror about losing it.

I so know what you mean, Sue... I guess it's great that most ladies can be thinking about diapers and baby names, but I can't handle it yet. People are asking me about names all the time or about what I think about different pain solutions for the birth... I just raise and eyebrow and think, geez, I can't focus on those things yet. Or... part of me wants to, but I think I shove it down. DH and I act more like it's some sort of illness I have that has to be monitored.

I'm going to go back to bed now and get the sleep I didn't get last night. Then maybe... then maybe I'll take my new driver's license out to the baby store...

Hi all,

It's been a while since I posted, I feel like stuff has built up so it may take me a while to get it out!

My first week at work last week took a turn on Thursday when I ran into a guy whose wife was pregnant at the same time. He looked at me and said what did you have? I told him he passed away and immediately choked up. He looked completely shocked and just said I'm so sorry. I asked him how his was with voice cracking, he said good then I just about ran away, thankfully I was on my way out and cried all the way to my car and all the way home. Then this monday a guy stopped by my desk and asked how bubs was... I told him he passed away and he kind of looked awkard and walked away. I teared up of course but not as bad, managed to get to the toilet and compose myself. I don't know how he didn't know, he works in the same section. Thankfully from Tues-Thurs this week I'm on a course in a different place, but I used to work there for 4 years so I found myself taking creative routes to avoid running into people I might know. I have a meeting tomorrow with someone who was on the same course that I left halfway through when Edward died, so that will be very interesting. I find myself terrified of donning the maternity uniform, then everyone will know, it will spur more questions and if something went wrong I'd have to go through this whole issue again... even though I have a belly I'm considering going and buying a bigger uniform even though I'm only prolonging the inevitable and wasting money. I also don't feel like telling people even if we have a perfect 12 week scan... anyone else been through this?

We have our NT scan next Wedsnesday, am nervous of course but just hoping the placenta is in a normal position to give us all the hope possible that things will work out. Of course I fear the US starting and there being no heartbeat, but the bump is definitely getting bigger so something is growing in there!!!

Sue, I joined a birth club on a different site (like the format more and it was one I used before). I have Edward's details on my signature and I get the feeling, though it may be paranoia, that it makes some of the women uncomfortable. I don't care though, because it's a part of me I would never hide from (at least in the cyber world!) and also it's something that I feel needs to be less of a taboo. But I do find their naivity and obsessiveness over silly things to be difficult, but then I suppose I was like that the first time round. So do what you feel best about.

Tildy, sounds like good news!!! With your scan and almost hitting 12 weeks things look good.

Jo, my advice to you from my own experience is to get copies of test and autopsy results, question your doctor and also do your own research. I'm fortunate that all my medical records are available to me from the military medical centre, so I'm familiar with everything and it helps me feel in control and reassured that in most ways I'm perfectly healthy.

Helen, I understand your reluctance to commit to a holiday right now. You could go with your gut feeling then if things change you could cancel, I'm sure they'd understand. DH's family want us to go up to the whitsundays for Christmas, but there is no way I'm going there, I'm reluctant to go anywhere away from home during this pregnancy... I guess it's partly because I was away from home and alone when I found out about Edward, also because if anything went wrong I would want to deal with my doctor.

Hammi, hoping your move goes well and you get a BFO soon :)

Well, sorry for the essay, but this should do me for a while!!! I've been having conflicted feelings lately, thinking I shouldn't get too confident and feeling a bit detached, but then I stopped and asked myself honestly if this baby left me would I feel any better for having not gotten too attached, and the answer of course is no. So am making more of an effort to bond with my second child.

Rozzie - It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment, and it all sounds very familiar. Just so you know, it took me a long time to tell people about this baby. In fact I waited until I was 15 weeks to tell my brothers and my dad (my mum and sisters knew). DH told everyone the moment we had the 12 week scan, but it was just too raw and emotional for me. I still find people who I am friends with that don't know and it is now a little embarrassing having to say 'Yes I am pregnant and 32 weeks'. I found it very hard to 'share' the news as I didn't want people to get excited and jump around, and I was also paranoid that the more people I told the more that would need to again be told if we lost this bub - which of course is a terrible and negative way to think...but hey I can't control my thoughts all the time. So just do what feels right. There is no set rule to these things, some people make their announcements at 8 weeks...and others like us wait. :hug:

Tildy - I am so glad that your latest bleed was nothing new and that your placenta has moved up. It is all sounding wonderful. And yes I understand how hard it is when people want to ask about names etc, when all you want to think about it how long until your next scan.

I am so sore, I have to go and have a shower to try and get rid of the aches and pains.

Hi everyone

Really quickly, thanks for your input into my holiday 'dilemma'! I now feel a bit silly! Just had a moment of panic and needed to come into here to hide I think. Anyway not sure what will happen, as when DH got home he was thinking about having some time out by ourselves anyway, and he said there would be about 10 people in this house, so I am not sure now what we will do!

Tildy - Wonderful that your placenta has moved up!!!! Great news on passing your driving test! Have a great 3 wks off too.

Rozzie - I felt for you today when your colleagues asked about Edward, I have just received an email from a girl that I studied with when I was pregnant with DS. Last time I seen here and another colleague I was just showing. She was asking about our beautiful bouncing baby:(, I still haven't had the courage to write back.

Katie - I hope you have had that nice warm shower and you are now nice and comfy!

Cindee & Sue - How are things with you?

Paula - I hope your holiday was nice.

Lan - hello:

& Jo - Last but definitely not least, :hug:. I am so glad they included Jack on Madison's birth certificate, what a wonderful treasure for all of your children. I hope I will be '5 months pregnant' in January!

Must scoot

hi girls everything is fine here, feeling ok which is good no MS for 2 days now .. see Ob again next week shes really good.. ok better go now its 2am and id better get some sleep. been up all night trying to finish assignments.. its so much fun :(

Everything feels so positive here at the moment. it's really nice to read through everyone's posts and see how well you are all doing. I don't think our lives are ever completely smooth sailing but one thing I love about all you girls is how you all appreciate the little things. I guess experiencing such heartache gives you a different perspective about what's important.

Helen, you have really thrown down the challenge on the garden. My in-laws arrive next friday and they are total green thumbs so i have enlisted their help (don't trust my own gardening abilities) and we are going to get Charlie's Garden up and running. The guy on better homes and gardens assured me on tv the other night that if i plant now I will have yummy tomatoes for summer. I'm not so confident but am going to give it a shot!

Cindee: you freaked me out with your passing out. Don't make us get all bossy on you. I am so white it is ridiculous but picture me right now doing that black woman thing with my hand and saying don't make me come over there and whoop your skinny white ass now girl friend.

Sue: I am so excited about your ticker and think that you are so brave for putting it up. Isn't it amazing how such a little thing can take so much courage. I bet all the other women who get BFP's can't wait to go and put their tickers up and yet for us it is such a big deal. Good on you. And as far as staying here goes, it should be us begging you to stay here with us. We need all you PG girls to stay here and give the rest of us some hope and inspiration. I for one would be devastated if you left so PLEEEEAAAASE stay!!!

Tildy: what good news from your OB appointment. Your ticker is so close to 12 weeks now. I know that 12 weeks is not quite the relief for us as it is normally but it is still a major milestone and will hopefully help you to relax a bit.

Rozzie: you are so close to 12 weeks too. I can only imagine how stressed you are about your scan next week. No-one on here is going to tell you it will all be fine, not because it won't be but because we all know that it is the wrong thing to say... but we are all hoping it will be fine like you wouldn't believe! If that counts for anything then you have nothing to worry about. The whole telling people thing is such a hard decision. Because of my earlier miscarriage I was like that when I was PG with Charlie. Even after my 19wk scan I was still so anxious I just didn't feel like going around telling everyone. The more I showed the more people started to mention it so I didn't so much as announce the PG I just stopped trying to hide it so much. The sad thing is that it was only a week or 2 before we lost Charlie that I finally starting telling people and getting really excited about it. I guess you just have to go with what feels right for you.

Jo: when I read your post about Madison's birth certificate I was so happy. I hope that doesn't sound inappropriate but its just that I had never thought about my next bub's birth certificate and to know that Charlie will be on there just made me feel so happy. Our angel babies are so rarely acknowledged out in the real world (that's what I love about this group, we talk about them no differently to our earth babies) it is just so lovely to have them recognised in such an 'official' way. Thanks so much for sharing that with us.

Katie: 32 weeks WOW. I am so excited watching your ticker. And all those beautiful aches and pains, how awful and yet how wonderful!! I feel like its the countdown on New Years Eve and we're all counting down the weeks with you and then when bubs arrives will all be tooting and cheering and for those of us who aren't PG having a glass or 2 of bubbly!

Well I thought I'd have time to fill you in on my trip but after catching up on what everyone has been doing I'm out of time. I'll be back this afternoon to fill you in.

To anyone I've missed, a big hello and hug!!

Woooh, I love logging in and finding heaps of posts to read.

Rozzie, you're having such a hard time. Being asked about your baby is like being punched in the gut, isn't it? It physcially knocks the wind out of you. Do whatever makes you feel better, Roz. Buy the bigger size uniform and don't go maternity until you're ready to. Your peace of mind is the most important thing for you and your bub now.

Tildy, fantastic news on your Ob appt. Keep moving up placenta!

Katie and Jo, I would love to catch up with you guys. I actually thought of it before the trip but didn't want to just throw myself at you and also I had two very full days of meetings. Next time!

Jo, that's wonderful that they included Jack in Madison's certificate along with your older kids.

Got to go, catch up with everyone else at lunch.

xoxxoxo

hey girls!
you were all very busy overnight. I have just been called into work earlier so had to pop on before i went!Luckily it is just 10 mins up the road!
Thank you all for sharing in my (weird) happiness re: birth certificate. I wrote it because for those of you who have had later losses i thought you may be able to do the same thing with your next babies certificates when ordered. I just wrote his name and gestational age then stillborn in the spot about previous children and they included him! so with your next baby certificate you should all def try to get your angels name on it! I think it has also semi helped in "closure" not that it is closure but i hope you all know what i mean as last night i really began to think about ttc. Depending where i am at and what they say to me at monash maybe dec we will try as i want to get to a natropath and go go on my folate again for about 2-3 months beforehand....ok, maybe that will the extent of my convo on that topic as i have just got teary! :wall::wall::wall:
mrs robbo -man, you put a HUGE smile on my face with your "picture me right now doing that black woman thing with my hand and saying don't make me come over there and whoop your skinny white ass now girl friend" - thank-you for starting my morning off with that! (even though it was strong advice to cindee -i just loved the way you put it!!!!) I love that we feel so comfortable with each other that we can go stern if ness! Because we care!!
hammi - I would make the time for you! next time....:dance:
cindee -2am!!!! please take care ok! Don't burn yourself out!!!:hug:
hgirs -you are not being silly - everything has much more meaning to us now!and we do tend to second guess everything! A holiday whichever way it comes will be good for you!
whichever stage of prep you are at! katie has been on trips galore it seems (to me anyway!) and look where she is now!:D
sue - hope you are ok and feeling good about all of love for you to stay with us!!!
rozzie -dh came home last night and said we have been invited to a party this sat. Only prob is that a couple who lost their baby on the same day we lost jack (they were 10 weeks) are preg again and have already been into work to show off her new belly (just before we lost madison) and i still don't think they know that we was preg or that we have lost another baby. I told dh i don't think i can go even tho the hosts are being really thoughtful about my emotions at this time -i don't think i could face her belly right now or having to explain why my emotions will be out of wack. its so bloody hard and it sucks that we are out in these positions after all we have been through already! I am happy for them and that things are going well for them this time - i just don't need to do the explaining. Take care of you, ok!!!! Do what you need to to look after yourself!
katie - i'll facebook you later re: your ob!
ok, have to go! i will, be late for work! argh!!!! hi to all i have missed!
have a great day! x jo

Good morning everyone,

Thank you so much for the lovely emails about staying. I am so glad you all feel that way. I feel that I know all you guys and that I feel so much more comfortable here.

Tildy - I am so so happy all is OK and congratulations on passing your driving test.

Rozzie - I am so sorry about the end of your working week. I must be so hard trying to explain all the time and bringing up emotions. Maybe your work should have advised people (especially in your dept) about what has happened, so that you didnt have to deal with that. I will be :pray: that your NT scan goes well on Wednesday and will be thinking of you.

Katiegirl - how exciting to have all the aches and pains.....

Lan - Your are not being silly with your holiday plans. We all go through these emotions, but you need to do what is best for you and DH. If you need sometime alone, that sounds even better!!!

Cindee - Glad things are going so well Have you still been fainting??? My god girl, get some sleep - 2 am!!!!

Mrs Robbo - what a lovely thing to do with the in-laws, I bet they feel so priviledge to do this with you in memory of Charlie. My DH and I put our tomato's in last weekend. So I await to hear of all the abundence of tomatos in the following months... he he he

Jo - I am so glad having Jack on the birth certificate of Maddison helped party with the closure. It is lovely that both little angels are remembered in such a simple way which is so important. With TTC you must be very emotional, which is totally understandable. Maybe focus on getting fit, healthy, see a naturopath etc and see how you feel in a couple of months. I must admit, I think the naturopath helped me in conceiving naturally this time.


Well with me, had another bout of severe cramping after bowel movement this morning. I ended up ringing the Ob and the secretary asked me if I had been eating cabbage or brussell sprouts etc and I said Yes, as I love this food and she actually said this could be the reason, as they produce a lot of gas...... I am so glad there is not bleeding with it!!!!

Well it is my DH birthday today, so we are heading off to dinner tonight to a lovely restaurant - looking forward to it.

xxx Sue xxx

thanks everyone:)
mrs robbo-- i might be skinny behind but my belly looks like im 5 months pregnant instead of 2 months. but it was pretty funny :) had to buy maternity wear already.

been busy studying and doing assignments as next wek is last week of school and ive got a lot to hand in. kids have been sick a lot this term so ive gotta catch up.. cant wait till chrissy that means no more study .. Yay
other than that ive got more blood tests today.. sooooo much fun.. just hope my son doesnt try to attack the pathologist while the needles in my arm again last time i had a bruise for over a week.
bp good atm. drugs are doing the job atm...
anyway id better go ive got stuff to do.. might go swimming later too its getting hot here...
be back on later..
hope everything is going ok with everybody..

Jo - don't go to the party if you think it will be too hard. Being faced with a pregnant belly especially if they potentially don't know about Madison could be very hard. Just do whatever feels right. You need to learn that sometimes you have to protect yourself and if that comes across as selfish...who cares! I am not sure I could put Nathaniel on the form you mentioned as he technically was not a stillborn because I didn't deliver him. I wonder if it matters all that much - I could just write his name and write stillborn and see if it gets through?

Hgirs - just thinking back to all the trips I have done this year (and yes Jo is right there has been a few) - there was one work conference I pulled out of because it was in Alice Springs and I would have been away from DH and my Dr for a week. I didn't fancy having something go wrong and being stuck in Alice so I pulled out - I was only about 14 or so weeks pregnant and had not told work etc. I have also managed to always plan Ob appointments prior to going away - for instand I saw my Ob and then went to Syd for 5 days (I was with my mum so that made me feel a bit safer). And your DH is probably right, you both would probably prefer to have some time alone rather than with 10 other people.

I feel so lazy today. The unit is a pigsty...I was hoping my nesting would kick in but no such luck. I have a lot of errands to run as well but the couch looks very inviting at this point. Maybe a cup of tea and some bad midday tv and then I can get myself moving again?

Now, where was I? Interrupted by work, once again!

Paula, you made me laugh out loud at the thought of you ballooning into a big black woman doing the "girlfriend" thing. So, was the holiday just what you needed? Did you get to soak up sunshine and relax?

Wooh Jo, I'm excited that you may TTC in Dec - with Paula and I :dance:

I booked in for "pre-conception counselling" with a Dr recommended by another forum member who saw him after her son was stillborn. The earliest appt I could get is 7 Nov so I definitely will have to wait till Dec. Sometimes I feel particularly hopeful and want to TTC right away but not a clever idea while selling/moving house :doh:!

So Katie, have you got the pregnancy waddle? Hee! Why bother tidying up the unit when you know that when you bring bub home you'll probably be throwing things around anyway :lol:

Lan - great to hear that you are seeing a dr and having pre-conception counselling. That is what my ob calls it as well, and I think it took close to 3 months to see him as well. He ran all sorts of extra blood tests on me. As it turns out I was already pregnant so my next appointment with him ended up coinciding with being 7 weeks preg. That first appointment gave me a sense of hope and I felt that I was doing something positive and it really seemed to help with my grief. I hope you like the dr and find him to be competent and compassionate (a really wonderful mix).

And yes I am getting a bit of a pregnancy waddle. I must look very attractive! I will let you all in on a secret (because I know you all do or will do this) - I still check the toilet paper everytime! I don't know if it is now just a habit or if it is still a paranoia thing.

Jo - I will call my obs office today to find out the rest of the tests I had done. You know we will all be right here to hold your hand if and when you decide to TTC again. :hug:

Cindee - I know you probably said already but what are the assignments for? Your ticker is moving forward very nicely!

Sue - I also asked about cramps and had to admit that it was probably severe gas! The things we find ourselves talking about. I hope you are feeling well.

Tildy - congrats on 12 weeks! Is your scan this week?

Rozzie - congrats also on 12 weeks. When is your scan? How are feeling - I am sure you had a relaxing weekend after your week back at work and all 'those' questions. :hug:

Good morning girls,

Hope you all had a good weekend.

Well I didnt have a very good day yesterday. I had some pink bleeding with bowel movement yesterday morning. Havent had any since, but I cried and cried all day yesterday. This is what exactly happened with my first loss and it just feels that it is happening again.

Had a bit of brown discharge this morning again with bowel movement, but not a lot and I have had lots and lots of bowel movement this morning - I have had diarrhoea!!!!

I dont go to my scan til Wed Week and to be honest, I know I should try and get it earlier, but I am not sure I want to know!!!!

Sorry girls, I always have issues don't I......

Lots of love to you all

xxx Sue xxx