Trying To Conceive After Stillbirth/Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage August 2008

I don't have long as I promised to pick DH up from work, but I have to send a message to Jo.

Thank you for allowing us to stand alongside you as you grieve for Madison. It is truly an honour that you feel this is a safe and supportive place and somewhere full of people who will listen and understand. Take your time with work, don't allow it to stress you. You need to put yourself first and at times you will even need to make selfish choices (ie. like with your stepmum). Do whatever you need in order to find some peace and the opportunity to slowly heal. It is only natural that you think about how many weeks you will be. I still work out how old Nathaniel would be and it still breaks my heart. And it is true about our shared pain in here. I rang DH the day you posted about Madison, and I was crying on the phone because it just hurt so much to see you going through this again. I talk about all of you to my DH and others, and share your good times and the bad.

Time for a grouphug I think :grouphug:

Jo thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I am so happy that Maddison's service went exactly how you wanted. I must admit I cried when reading it and you really are an amazing mum.

I also agree, that it is amazing how much we get to know each other, without actually meeting!!! and how much we all care about each other.

You are all very special amazing women...... :grouphug:

Now a little bit of info. Not sure if anybody is interested. I actually take Blackmores Conceive Well Gold Tablets and they are on special (as with the other BM pregnancy range) at National Pharmacies. I got a packet for $27.16 if you are a member.

xxx Sue xxx

Jo - the other girls have said everything I want to say, we all care very much for you and your family, and we have all shed many tears over precious little Madison. You are inspiring even if you don't know it, your strength shines through, but don't feel like have to be either! Do what you need, when you need to and just lean on us if you can.:hug:

Hi Jo, I am so pleased Friday went beautifully for you. I agree with the others, you are an amazing Mum. I wish I had thought of the heart necklace idea, what a wonderful way to keep your connection with your angel babies strong and close to your heart. Please take good care of yourself at this time, just do whatever you think you can handle. People will understand and if they don't then they're not worth worrying about.

Jo - it's so good to hear from you. Thank you for sharing with us your beautiful but sorrowful day. You've had to walk through a lot of fire so far, but I think this experience will help you in your grief and memories of Madison Rose.

I'm anxiously happy for Sue, but like Katie said, I won't say Congrats just yet, as I understand that you feel the need to be on more solid ground first. But I will say that it's a lovely kind of surprise to get, even if it's scary.

Sadly I don't know if we ever stop reminding ourselves of how many weeks or months or years the baby would be. I know I would have been 35 weeks now. I feel like the countdown to my EDD has started today -- a co-worker of mine has returned to work after being on paternal leave. I was put in to replace him when I was hired, and it was sort of the perfect situation because once he came back, I would head out for maternity leave 2 weeks later. He came back today, but instead of going on 7-8 months of maternity leave in 2 weeks I will be having a short vacation and then coming back to completely different tasks; I'm "superfluous" in the group that should have been losing me to maternity leave. :P It feels like a punishment, being cast into a brand new area to start learning all over again right after feeling like I'd just now learned what I was doing and learned how to cope with working full-time after months of varying levels of depression and sick-leave.

I also talk about you guys at home and with my family. My friends here in-person are all mired down in baby-bliss-land, and their lives are about diapers and nursing and complaining about not sleeping at night, so I don't belong with them right now. But I do belong with you guys; we're all going through similar things, and you've been a great help to me.

Jo, I am SO happy to hear from you. The way you've handled Jack's and Madison's losses, the thoughtful details you added to their goodbyes, and the fact that you can still come in here and cheer us on absolutely floors me. If you were here I'm afraid I'd have to hug you and cry all over you.

I also love the heart necklace idea - so simple yet so meaningful. Your little angels must be giving you all your amazing strength through those half hearts.

It was sadly lovely that your two older children were involved in Madison's service. It's quite incredible how much young children can understand and empathise with something as hard as death.

I counted those phantom weeks too. What if you try to recount the 22 weeks when you had Madison with you? A friend said something that really touched me last weekend. She said that Hamish's life might have been short but those 22 weeks were still his life. Madison must have left you with many wonderful memories. Hold on to those Jo, it's such a hard path you have to walk.

:grouphug:




BTW, I peeked at your Facebook profiles. You're all hot!

WOW i've added more friends on facebook in the last 24hrs than the whole time I have been on there. Well not quite but it feels like that. All my uni friends have about 4000 friends each and always tease me about my small but special collection!

Tildy, I have also hit the countdown to EDD. One day I feel really good and strong and then the next I spend most of the day crying. I somehow had managed to stop counting the phantom weeks which made things easier but now that uni has finished I have more time to think about that kind of stuff.

DS has been really funny about everything lately as well. I filled you all in on some of the things he has been saying. Last night at dinner he bursts out and says 'Mummy I know a good name for a new baby', when I asked him what it was he said 'Charlie'. I had to try and explain that it was Charlies's name and we would think of another name together when it was time to make another baby. Then this morning during breakfast he says 'Mummy, I don't want us to make another baby', when I asked him why he said 'Charlie is my favorite and I don't want another one'. I tried to explain that one day Charlie might send us a new baby to take care of and he just got really sad and said 'But I don't want her to Mummy, I just want Charlie'. I wasn't quite sure what to say after that, he was so adamant and I was trying not to get upset and didn't want to say the wrong thing. Niether DH or I are sure how to tackle this one. We're just going to see if he forgets about it and if not come up with a plan. He is such a loving BB to Charlie and I think he feels the same kind of betrayal I'm sure we all feel when we first start making plans for a new baby, or trying to move on with our lives. I guess I'll just try and explain to him that we can still love Charlie just as much as ever but will also have another baby to love and play with.

Who would have thought I would ever have to explain such things to a 4yo.

Hi all and goodmorning,

Wow what a couple of days it has been.

Hammi - I am so glad you got answers to why Hamish is an angel. It doesnt make it easier to accept, but at least you know you did absolutely nothing wrong. How did you go with the GP on Monday, did you get a referral to the new OB?

Tildy - How are you going with the bleeding etc???? Mine has actually stopped, so I am so hoping that all is OK.

Katiegirl - Congratulations on making it over the 30 week mark :D It is the downhill run now..... how are you feeling, is the baby kicking away??? Thank you also for your story, you really did help to make me feel a little more positive. I really don't think my Dr made me feel much more positive. Probably because of the way I was acting.!!

Helen - this is your month.... now how is all the temperature charting going???

Cindee - havent heard from you lately. Hoping all is well.

Mrs Robbo - Wow Dunk Island - you lucky thing. I hope you have a wonderful break. Your Ethan must have a very powerful connection with angel Charlie. It is so nice to hear that he is talking about him. It must be hard for you though, to try and make him understand what is happening.

Rozzie - thanks for the advice about the Charting. I just cant seem to stop. Though I think I will once I get my results tomorrow. It is already doing my head in!!!!

Lan - hoping you also will come and join me soon.

Jo - xxxxxxx :hug: :hug: thinking of you.

xxx Sue xxx

MrsRobbo your son Ethan sounds like such a precious little soul. I love how children can so easily articulate exactly how they feel. It is beautiful to read about the connection he has with Charlie, though I am sure it must break your heart at the same time. I know with my nephews and niece that they were very affected when my sister had her first loss - one of them cried, one got angry and well the girl...she acted like a drama queen. Then when she had the next child (an earth baby who is now 3) they all treated her like she was so precious. They still do, she is incredibly spoilt by the whole family. Then with the last loss, it all started over again. One son even decided to tell my sister that she and DH should 'just do that thing' (he was about 8 at the time) and could they let him know when they do as he would like another baby! One of my other nieces when she found out I was pregnant again, look puzzled and said 'But I thought you baby was in heaven' - it was so lovely to know that she had not forgotten especially as she is 6. So we explained it all to her and said this was another baby, and my brother has told me that she always prays now at bedtime for the 'baby in Katie's tummy'. Maybe when we need a bit of comfort and support in real life we should all go and talk to children!

Sue - yes this little girl is still kicking me away. I haven't yet seen the kicks from outside (as in my belly move) so hoping that will come soon. I do have an anterior placenta to the kicks have to get through a bit of padding first. Glad my story helped a little bit - I think I did about 8 or so tests before I stopped charting, so you are not alone.

Lan - I hope you are doing ok. I read the post when someone answered the questions you had about hypercoiling, so I hope this has given you a bit more information. And I loved your suggestion to think back on the weeks we had our babies rather than the ones that followed. I often get so stuck on the moment I found out about Nathaniel. I will try to remember the sheer joy I felt when I got the first positive BFP , we were so excited. Actually, crying now just thinking about it. Lovely idea and a good one for me to practise doing.

Tildy - so sorry you have to start a new position at work. I know it must be reminder of what shouldn't have happened. I hope you enjoy the holiday and it gives you the lift you need to return to your job.

Not sure who I have forgotten - but hello! Must get back to work.

hi im still lurking aroud. just been dealing with the morning sickness atm. also had a little spot a couple days ago but everything is good... still trying to ease DH into things though hes avoiding talking about things incase some thing goes wrong again but ive got positive vibes this time.. booked in to see a new OB hopefully she is good dont have much to choose from being in Taree. but been told shes the best. seeing my doc today for all tyhe basic stuff, BP check, hopefully its good..

im on facebook too. cindee mason-tisdell. my 3 kids are my pic :)

hey girls!
i have to say, it is so nice to put some faces to your names, and i am with you hammi (and this includes you!), you girls are gorgeous!! (as well as gorgeous in nature!!)

I am doing a bigger scrapbook of madison and all you messages of support will have their place in there. Partially because my husband has never seen them and i am sure he would get something out of them and i want the memory of all your support in there as it is so amazing and from the start has been a huge part of our pregnancy. It would be nice to be able to also show the kids later how many wonderful people there are in light of heartbreak. I am doing one for her for our family for the same reasons as Jack, so we have something we can look at the same, as any pictures we would for anyone else in our in our family... I kinda fell into the scrapbook thing out of wanting to have a keepsake other than a reg album for my kids. I wanted to be able to write about photos that meant something to me or a moment important to them (and no one else) and the history behind them. If you have'nt figured it out, i am the biggest sentimentalist! And i always thought should anything ever happen to me,(or even Dan) the kids would have their scrapbooks as a memento of how much they were loved and how their little things meant alot.
Mrs Robbo - I totally get the child thing obvously and it IS so hard to know what to say to them. Quite often my kids will say what i have only thought or give new insight into all of this in their innocence and it will literally bring me to tears. It is wonderful that they can feel so protective of their little angels that they don't want anyone else to stamp away that memory eventhough in reality it does'nt. Give it time, eventhough we have had Madison my daughter (almost 4) still calls the spare room Baby Jacks room. (Madison is "Madison" but Jack is still lovingly nicknamed "Baby Jack" by the kids) If Madison had lived to go in there i am not sure what Em would have thought of that!!
Katie - seeing kicks from the outside is quite amazing. Once i was at work and one the girls was looking at my belly, literally move severely, side to side and was slightly freaked out by it. Another noticed a weird shape underneath my top on my right side on top of my belly. It was a foot pushed out into/against my skin so firmly i had this wierd alien bump look coming out and she also freaked out asking what it was so i told her to push her hand against it and she got a fright when it moved and kicked her back! your Dh will love it as it is their physical moment of preg with the baby!
sue -how are you going???? i won't say much but i hope all is good!
hammi - i too will try to remember my 5.5 months of happy times. We did mention in the service about her somersaults to me and in the ultrasounds she would not budge and let them get a good look! She had her mums (and older sis') stubborness! And we now laugh (instead of crying) about how she had her dads ugly shaped toes. See , i have started already! Jack i do remember fondly, madison is maybe still too raw, but i will try and follow your advice! and by the way, i'd hug you and cry all over you right back!
tildy -pls take care at work, i am nervous about returning to a job i know so i can't imagine how you feel! Take it easy and maybe try to see the change as a good thing tho. And it may be a good distraction in the end while you countdown to this baby! Its hard, and it sucks, so i wish you luck!:hug:
take care everyone! x jo

Good morning all.

Well I am in shock. Just rang the Dr surgery and guess what - it is viable......

I am awaiting the Dr to give me a call back with the HCG Levels (as I want these things) and apparently it had on the notes. Yep definately pregnant....

Yippee.

Fingers crossed it is a sticky one....

xxx Sue xxx

Sue

Quite simply...

:hooray::cheer::dance::happyforyou:

sue!
:happyforyou::excited::happyforyou:
such good news!
xjo

Thank you so much girls......

I am totally in shock and have a thousand things running through my head.

Well I just got the HCG results Mon (162.3), Wed (369.5).

Yippee for a :bfp:


xxx Sue xxx

Sue - You tricky little devil!
:cheer::bellyrubs::hooray::excited::excited::excit ed:

Jo - You are sounding a little more at peace today? I am hoping it is a good one for you:hug:

I looks like I am the only one NOT on Facebook! I will suss it out! Am on day 7 of cycle only just started temping again for the month, I am so impatient with all of this, it drives me insane!

Sue
Well done you honey all the best for a happy and healthy pregnancy.
:hug:
Adele

Sue, :happyforyou:

how exciting! I'm so glad this is your month.

What's your plan now? Are you on any treatment, are you going to keep having tests or just wait things out? The first couple of weeks is the hardest isn't it!!!

Great start to the month, hopefully Helen and Lan aren't far behind.

Numbers look great by the way!!

Rozzie

Thanks Rozzie,

Look forward to having more BFP in our group. Lan & Helen, I will have my fingers crossed for you both.

Definately getting some testing. I will insist on it, since I have 3 miscarriages in a row.

Dr has organised to have thryoid testing, progesterone, iron etc etc. which I have to pick up the form.

Having 1st ultrasound with Repromed (fertility clinic) on 1/10/08. Feel comfortable going to them still. Even though I conceived naturally, they will still do the first scan.

With the medications I am taking: metformin and thyroxine. Thyroxine is not a problem, but some Ob don't like you taking metformin and some are fine with it.

After last time after having a strong heartbeat, stopping metformin (advice from Ob) and within that week the baby stopped developing, I will not be stopping it and nobody will change my mind.

Thank you all for celebrating my news.

xxx Sue xxx

Sue - congratulations on the BFP and the great HCG results. Very excited for you and I hope that you have a very smooth, healthy and happy pregnancy. Whoo hoo!!!

Jo - lovely to hear from you and you are so kind the way you can offer support to all of us when you are suffering so much yourself. :hug:

wow Sue, I can only imagine how you are feeling. I have been sitting here catching up on everyone's posts and my first reaction was disbelief at how wonderful this is. I was so sad for you that little frostie didn't make it and then to have such wonderful news so soon after. Perhaps little frostie knew something we didn't and went to be with his brothers and sisters in heaven to help look over you during your pregancy. My disbelief has now given way to full blown excitement. I think we had all dug our heels (or flats for those PG ladies) in ready to support you through the whole ivf thing and now instead we get to cheer you and little bambini on during pregnancy instead. What wonderful news!

Jo, I love the scrapbook idea! You come up with the best ways to remember and honour your angel babies. I was so excited at the scrapbook I was going to try to do one for David for this Father's Day since it's his first but I'd better take my time and do it properly.

Hello Dellydoo, I don't think I've said hello before. I'm sorry about your very recent loss of little Charles James. I hope you will feel that you can share your feelings and feel supported here with us.

I may have to put my TTC back a bit further because we're in the process of buying a new home then selling our current unit. Very excited about having a new home though. We felt that life could not continue as is with our litte Hamish taken from us. Since Katie is going to have her little girl in Dec, I thought we could do a relay, and I'll take the baton from you then :-)

So happy and excited about all the belly full of babies here!!!

Lan, me and DH are thinking Dec for ttc as well, maybe we can be ttc buddies! I feel like i've had the flu forever and have been so busy lately. Then with starting a new job in Oct we thought a few months break would be good and that Dec would be better timing. How exciting for you and DH to be moving into a new house. It can be stressful though so probably a good idea for you guys to wait a few months and get settled. The last thing you'll need once you get your long awaited BFP is extra stress. I think I will be sitting on the couch wrapped in cotton wool and an outer layer of bubble wrap just for safe measure!! When you do ttc in Dec and you are in your new place it will feel like such a lovely fresh start and you can fill your new place with lots of positive baby vibes!

On another note, I've been trying to think of way to honor Charlie and have decided to grow a veggie garden. We've recently moved to the Gold Coast so are just renting atm but have been researching and you can apparently grow gardens in planter boxes so you can take them with you when you leave. We had wanted to plant a tree but as this isn't our place we would hate to leave it behind. I did plant a tree at a special rememberance place in Byron Bay just after Charlie died but I thought a veggie garden would be something we could tend to regularly and it would kind of be like looking after a baby. I also thought it would be good therapy for those times when you just want to be near your angel baby and don't know how to deal with the sadness of them not being here.

I told DS that we were going to grow a garden filled with all his favorite veggies and without any prompting he said 'I know Mummy, we can get a sign which says Charlie's Garden', he then rang up his Poppy in Victoria who is coming to visit in a few weeks and asked him if he could make the sign for us. So now I'm really excited because it is something everyone can help to build and will give us all a way to be with our little girl.

I should mention though that I have absolutely no gardening skills at all so am planning on taking a few 'how to' books away to Dunk Island to give myself a crash course!!! Surely with so many people caring for it, the garden will have a good chance of surviving even if I am a totally incompetent black thumb!

Anyway, I hope you are all having a good day today. I am so glad I found you girls and am able to share in all your journeys. You are all truly remarkable and give me so much hope and inspiration that I don't know how I would survive otherwise.

xox

Lan, happy to pass the baton on to you come November. My body is starting to get sore and I think I have sciatica, but at you all know it is most definitely worth it. I am off to the osteopath today to try to relieve some of the pain that is radiating through me! That is exciting about your new home. We are hoping to buy early next year, so will have to continue in our unit with the baby for the time being. I want to be out of here by the time our little girl is moved from a bassinette to a cot. See, I am talking about the future, I must be feeling confident!

Dellydoo - I am sorry for the loss of your son Charles James. Please feel welcome to join us here as you will find a wonderful group of supportive women.

Sue - still excited for you. I told DH about it last night...I think it is always so wonderful when someone who has gone through the pains of IVF is given the gift of a baby without it. You sound like you have a good idea of the kind of support you want from your med team. How many week will you be for the first scan?

Mrs Robbo - oh your boy Ethan just makes my heart ache every time I read another of your stories. He is beautiful!!! I love how he called your dad to ask for the sign. It is so special. Oh oh oh!!! They always give me a lovely boost. You are certainly lucky to have such a sensitive boy. Good luck with TTC in Dec. I will pass the baton to you as well!

Hi to all - have to get moving but will touch base later.

Good morning all,

Mrs Robbo - what a fantastic idea of a veggie garden. All the family can be involved and share this special garden. Enjoy your holiday. I am so jealous......

Lan - how exciting on buying a new home. I can totally understand delaying a couple of months as you get really busy moving, changing details etc etc...... congratulations.

Katiegirl - thank you again, feeling a little funny about it still. But have just put a "pregnancy ticker" on. At the scan I will be around 8 weeks (the heartbeat check!!). Though just went to the toilet and had a little pink blood when I wiped, so again I am scared....

I so want this baby, as I know you get the same outcome, but it would be excellent to achieve a baby out of the love of DH and I, not through IVF.

xxx Sue xxx

hey girls,
sue : while i get what you are saying, an IVF baby would still be out of love! Just because it comes from a different way does'nt make it any less special, its because of love you have put in the harder yards!!!! I just have the hugest admiration for anyone who has the strength to do that! Just wanted to say! (and i know you mean no offence and neither do i!) Hold tight tho and take care, the spotting may be nothing, but rest up, you deserve it!!!! One of my close friends spent 6ish years on IVF -she now has a gorgeous girl...and trust me after all her heartache and disappointment thru IVF - that little girl is so full of love,hopes and dreams i could'nt even tell you!!! will keep you in my thoughts ...
mrs robbo -have a fab time at dunk island! very jealous....hope it is sunny and you have a lovely time relaxing!
katie - have sat my angel in front of me all day! :hug:
hammi - congrats & good luck with the house buying...we did earlier this year and moved further out but it has been a nice move...eventho we were nervous about it... we have friends all over so it has'nt made a difference like we thought it would! thats why freeways are built!!! the packing tho was a nightmare - pay someone to do it! i am never moving again cos of the packing!!!!:lol: and dec is not too far away...how exciting, so much to look forward too! you will be busy for great reasons!
hgirs - after you said i sounded at peace i re-read my post!lol! The last 2 days yes, i spoke the friend i mentioned above (she lives in TAS) and i had'nt spoken to her for a month so i guess i was on a high still cos of that. Also i spoke to work and she said to just see how it goes on monday and was totally fine with my nerves etc so i guess that made me feel a little better about that too...
cindee - glad you can see the positives even with M/S! keep it going, hope you doc appoint went well and gave you even more to be positive about!
have a great weekend girls!
rest up and take it easy!
x jo

Hi Paula, great, I will have a Dec TTC buddy now that Sue's ditched me for October :-) I've never heard of Dunk Island but it makes me think of donuts and that sounds good! What job are you starting in October? For some reason I seem to think that you're in marketing too. Are you? I know Katie is. I am. I know what you mean about getting wrapped in wool and bubble wrap when next pregnant. I used to kind of wish I could sleep through it and just wake up to deliver a screaming baby but no, I would never miss those pregnancy months. Those kicks! I can't wait for December.

Sue, I hope that pink spotting was nothing. Stupid spotting. As if you haven't been through enough. I would think that since your body has taken the initiative to get pregnant on its own that it's more ready than ever to grow a baby. Hang in there and know that we're all willing that baby to stick, stick, stick!

Where are you Helen? About a week to your BFP now, I think. Sending positive vibes your way. Have you looked up Facebook yet? Join so I can see you! It's been really fun looking at everyone. So nice to know what most of you look like.

How are you feeling Rozzie? Is it this Monday that you're starting back at work? You'll be OK. Just that first encounter with people is awkward then it'll be over. Just worry about your own feelings and tell people whatever you feel up to.

And how's the other mama, Tildy? Still feeling zen? Hang in there... only a couple more weeks till you get to that magical 12wk scan!

And the super mama - Katie. How big are you now? Your tummy must be very big to give you sciatica. I am really happy that you are sounding so positive as you are my positivity! I thought you were due in Dec but you're due in Nov? Ooooh, you're going on maternity leave next week, aren't you? I'm jealous ;-)

Cindee, thanks for adding me on Facebook. Sorry about the M/S but happy that you're having it :-)

My dear Jo, I think of you a lot at night because you said that this is the hardest part of the day for you. I hope when everyone in your house is asleep, you know that you're not alone in your feelings. I am secretly thinking about getting packers when we move too, but David is convinced that he'll do everything himself - pack this house, clean it, move to next house, clean that, paint it, change carpets. I told him that sounds like a recipe for a divorce (j/k) but man will do what man thinks man can do.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Thanks for asking after me, Lan. I have my zen days and my not-so-zen days. Work is an exploding bomb at the moment, where if I add up all the stuff that different people think is included in my new assignment, then I'm working 150% of full time plus 5-6 different posts of "with the time you have left over." The only person who can actually answer what the hell I'm supposed to be doing is on vacation after today and he's pushing th "busy" button on his phone when I call him. I've decided that he can suit himself and that I will do the work that I've understood I should do and let the rest of it sit and rot until someone gives me a clear answer (and one that does NOT involve me being two people).

But the thing is, this kind of stress making my baby-panic so much more intense. I have a very strong habit of getting stressed over EVERYTHING when one thing seems to be going very wrong. And this one is even worse, because the stress about my job can be classed as "uncertainty about the future," and as soon as we enter that chamber, the waves of uncertainty over the baby come crashing in. I was in Stockholm with work the Wednesday and Thursday (and will be spending most of the next 7 weeks there if these people get their way!). Both days I wore a pad all day even though I'm not bleeding, because what if I started, up there in Stockholm without a change of jeans? I keep feeling little tiny pains, like being stuck with a pin or like the baby is pinching me from the inside, and I get scared. I ran to the bathroom once an hour feeling convinced that I was dripping blood, but not a single drop since the last incident last Friday. And then I think... How can they expect me to spend those three weeks in October in Stockholm when that'll be weeks 15-17 of my pregnancy, right when I'm going to be at my most panicky since that's when I lost Beiron? What happens if I miscarry up there, while DH is down here? What happens if I miscarry in Spain? Should I really book that advanced C++ course in November? On the train ride home I became so restless the closer we got to Link?ping that I'm suprised I didn't shout out "let me off this tin can!" The people sitting around me must have thougt I had lost it. I feel on the verge of tears all the time, and yet my discussion with one of the bosses about the fuzziness regarding my duties was really quite calm and sensible. He just doesn't know that inside I'm going "HOW CAN I STILL ONLY BE 9 WEEKS PREGNANT!"

So... no. It's not a very zen week for me.

Sorry. :( Venting was key. I can't stand the thought that I might lose this bubs, but it's all I can think about; more and more frequently the images surrounding how Beiron came out are just taking up all my mind space.

BTW, Sue... I think it's really wonderful. :) It's a lovely surprise that you were able to get pregnant on your own. I know that we would all love any baby that was given to us, but it's always nice to have these little bonus bits. :hug:

Oh Tildy, we are all feeling the stress with you. Just try and hang in there. Everything we can possibly cross is crossed and I think everything you are feeling is completely normal. Is there any way you can voice your concerns at work. Imagine if all these people were putting this much pressure or negative energy on your baby. You would stand up to them in an instant to protect him/her I am sure. When they are giving you extra work etc, maybe ask yourself what you need to do at that time for bubs and not yourself. I know that is a lot easier said than done and I am the queen of taking on much more than I can handle but give it a try. I have been using the same technique even though I'm not PG and have been asking 'is this going to help me create the perfect environment for my bub to grow in'. If the answer is no then I have found myself regularly making decisions different to what I would have normally. Even my friends have commented. Mind you I wouldn't say I always make a better decision, but even if it is sometimes, it surely has to be of some benefit.

To be honest, the amount of stress you are under is unlikely to affect bubs health but at least in your own mind you'll have less to worry about and can focus on coping with the PG stress which is more than enough for anyone in your situation to have to deal with without all the extra crap.

Maybe next time you feel on the verge of tears at work just let it go. Eventually everyone will just think of you as the crazy hormonal PG woman and will be too scared to approach you to do extra work!!

BTW glad to hear your spotting has stopped. Lets hope it is gone for good and you can try and relax about it a little. If not, we're always happy to hear someone venting... it makes the rest of us feel like all our irrational thoughts are normal after all!!

Hi everyone
I don't know why but my emails weren't telling me there were new posts!! So Lan I am still here, and only on day 11 so not ready for testing yet!! But I feel quite calm about September so lets hope that is a good sign.

I too have been wanting to do a new garden for ages, but when Cooper died it become almost urgent, it was as if I needed to do it for him. I was home only days when I was found digging up our veggie patch and told promptly to 'get inside and rest!', there is something very therapeutic about digging in the earth. I am very happy today to say that I have finally got that new garden set out and am in the process of digging out all the old lawn, it is almost as though I have been possessed as I just don't want to leave it!! Luckily I have my MIL & FIL here at the moment to help out with DS. So Mrs Robbo I totally understand the garden thing, and by the way Ethan seems like such an wise old soul, he Charlie is truly blessed to have a big brother like him.

Dellydoo - Welcome to our little corner of the world, I wish I didn't have to say that, but you will find wonderful support here.

Lan - Good on you for looking after yourself, moving can be such a stressful thing, we talk about it constantly, but until we have our next baby safely home I think we will stay here as I feel safer being close to our hospital and wonderful GP.

Katie - I hope you are looking after yourself those last 8 weeks are going to fly by!

Sue - Very brave putting your ticker up, I am so proud!! Jumping the gun and all! I hope that one little spot has gone away and never comes back, I really wish there was a magical way we could check in on our babies and see what was going on in there.

Jo - You keep amazing me with your love and concern for others, just know we all love you back!

Tildy - I wish you could just tell them all to go to hell! You don't need anymore stress, try and do whatever you can to help ease it, easier said then done I know.:rolleyes:

Cindee - How are you going?

Have to fly my back is killing me sitting here, too much digging! Sorry if I've missed anyone.

Helen, when you say that you're going to dig up a lawn, do you mean a really big patch of grass. What are you doing??? Rest up, you're potentially brewing a baby in there!

Tildy, I've felt that way at work too and I've discovered that the only person with your true interest at heart is yourself. Last time I thought I was just being a hypochondriac and should just get on with the job but next time I'm going to stand up for myself and tell people if my workload is too much or I don't want to travel etc. Don't let work compromise your peace of mind! You shouldn't be away from DH around the 17wk mark, you'll be a nervous wreck, no matter how zen you've been!

Better start working since it's 9.30am. I hate Monday mornings.

Did everyone survive Father's Day?

Good morning all,

Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend. There is a buzz around Adelaide at the moment, with the royal show happening. Perfect weather on Saturday, but for fathers day it rained.....

Well havent had anymore bleeding (which is fantastic). This morning felt a bit of nausea and started to dry reach...... Had a whole heap of blood tests on Saturday to check all my levels like iron and of course my thyroid function. Hopefully all ok and will get the results this afternoon.

Jo - what you say is so true. It doesnt matter what I have to go through to achieve a miracle, as I will love it, the same as a natural conception. It just would be nice. I agree also that sometimes having to go the tough road makes you so much more appreciate the miracle of life.

Tildy - Please please don't let your work stress you out like that. It is so important at the moment for you to focus on yourself and little bubs. I am so glad your bleeding has stopped. When do you next go and see your Ob???

Katie - how are you feeling??? you must be getting very excited as it is under 8 weeks to go.... yippee Are you able to post some scans??? would love to see them...

Cindee - hope all is well with you???

Helen - take it easy babe..... but I think it is wonderful that you have a beautiful veggie & garden happening.... what veggies did you plant?? My DH and I are trying to work out what veggies to plant at the moment and what will survive!!! he he he

Lan - Yes we survived fathers day - we even celebrated it as our little boy Ollie (dog) gave his daddy a fathers day present of a couple of t-shirts.

Paula - How are you going????

xxx Sue xxx

Hi all. I wish it was under 8 weeks more like under 9! Not much of a difference but I am starting to get impatient. I feel like I have been pregnant since last July. It sounds like I am complaining but more a case of Mondayitis I think.

Tildy - work is always so hard especially for all of us - we have to work, deal with our ongoing grief and then be pregnant again and worried. I can honestly say that since I have found out I was pregnant again, I have worked at less than 50% capacity. I feel bad about it, but my mind has just been elsewhere, namely on this baby. I pulled out of a conference back in April (I think) as it was in Alice Springs and I couldn't bare the idea of being so far away if something happened - plus I had not announced the pregnancy and it would have been hard to hide it. I came up with a good excuse and no one questioned me, but when I did announce the preg they all said they had been suspicious when I cancelled! Take care of yourself first and foremost - work can always wait. Yes I feel bad that I am leaving this job knowing I have not done my best work of late, but in the scheme of things..it is pretty minor.

Sue - very happy to hear that your bleeding has stopped and that you are feeling nauseous! Excellent news. Funny how we all take delight in hearing one of us is vomiting or dry reaching!

I love the idea you all have of the veggie patch. I think it will be very therapeutic for you.

Also, I saw an article in the Herald Sun (I think Friday's paper) about miscarriage and stillbirth. It was titled 'The Loneliest Grief' or something like that. I have always said that loss of a child during pregnancy is the loneliest grief as very few people can relate. It was interesting to note that it said 1 in 4 women suffer a mc and 1 in 20 a stillbirth (I guess this covers late loss as well) - that number is so high but it is still not something people talk about. It made me happy to see that this grief and loss was getting some coverage. It was talking about Bonnie Babes organising a National Baby Day for 17 Oct.

Lan - you made me laugh, but there is no baby cooking just yet, give me another week! I have been saying to DH this garden has to be ready before I am pregnant again, hence the feeling of urgency. I need this little corner of sanctuary to immerse myself in once the hard work is done I will rest up I promise!

Sue - We haven't got a huge patch of veggies but we have - Silverbeet, cabbage, cauliflower, strawberries(crappy), beetroot, capsicum, spring onions, pineapple (scattered throughout all the garden, will take years!), rocket and loads of various herbs. I just love having gardens around me though it just makes such a difference.

Father's Day was a fairly quiet day at home for all of us, was nice just to potter.

Hi all,

sounds like everyone's doing well, hoping for another round of BFPs this month. I would also like to add my name to the garden lovers, I love our gardens, this year we embarked on a very ambitious re-landscaping project that consumes all our spare time but it's looking amazing.

I had my first day back at work today. It wasn't too bad, most people just said hi and welcome back. My boss was really nice, asked me if I was sure I was ready and if I needed to go home early or anything to feel free. I teared up a bit in front of him but that was inevitable I guess, he told me not to apologise so that was nice. I also told him I was pregnant again and there would probably be a lot of appointments and I couldn't guarantee what would happen and he was nice about that too. There was a girl there that I hadn't met because she'd been away on deployment, and she asked if I'd been on leave, that was a bit awkward. Also I replied to an email I'd gotten a few weeks back and apologised for how late it was, saying I'd been on leave. The girl wrote back and said she was jealous... ha! If only she knew!

I'm glad the first day is over but I did not enjoy the 6am alarm or the M/S at my desk when I would rather be lying on the couch, but hopefully in a couple of weeks that will dissipate. Feel so crappy now DH's is making me scrambled eggs for dinner.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling about my day.

Sue, any test results to report?

Rozzie

Rozzie I am glad your first day is over, it is often such a hurdle to get past.

OK girls, I have done it, I am now on Facebook! You can find me under Helen Salmon, There is a lovely (not) blue tarp in the background, have to say I am a bit nervous about having my photo on the internet! I will endeavor to go back and get all your names, but feel free to get in before me.:lol:

Jo - How are you? Thinking of you:hug:

I'm in the gardening club as well, or at least I'd like to be. I want to build up a new little garden now when I'm on vacation. I was going to paint the "baby room" but decided that painting while pregnant is not good; I'll save it for maternity leave somehow or other... so instead I figured I'd build up a little garden around our (barren) apple tree. Nothing nearly as ambitious as Helen (even if she does call it "not huge"!). I mostly just want to put a ring of stones around, take up the grass and put in soil, and perhaps put some flower bulbs down later in the fall or whenever one does such things. I'm so terrible though with plants, and so is DH. We have, say, a 30% success rate. You should see the pots of herbs I planted before the summer. My cilantro is red for some reason, the dill grew about 3 foot tall stems with no actual usuable dill, and the parsley stayed about 1 inch tall even though it's still alive. And Helen is growing PINEAPPLE? Guess you guys have a very different climate than us, :lol:

Good job on your first day back, Rozzie. It sounds like you have a good boss for the situation. I also had to do that same sort of explaining to mine -- "I'm going back to 100% today but BTW I'm pregnant again so I'm going to be off to a whole lot of appointments all the time." The comment about being jealous that you were on leave is just the kind of foot people tend to put in their mouths. One of my old coworkers called me at home on a Saturday morning once and woke me up, and she said "Ahh, sleeping late, I guess that's the kind of luxury us people with little kids don't have!" I wanted to smack her, actually.

Paula -- I think it will work out okay at work, at least for the next 4 weeks, since I have 3 weeks of vacation starting next week! :D I won't be able to get any better information on what my duties are until after that since the guy who decides is on vacation now, but I have at least decided what I will be doing for the next 7 or so weeks in a way that I feel is best for me and doesn't require me trying to be more than one human being. Right now I've just come back from starting to set up my new lab, so I now have three different "offices" and three computers. I must be special. :P

Lan -- I'll have to see what can be done around the 17 week mark, as that will also be around the same time as Beiron's EDD. I don't think I'm going to be in a position to travel a lot, but my stress will only increase in another way if I feel like I'm not taking all opportunities to learn my new job. However, the leader for my new project thinks I'll be fine, since I have worked with similar stuff this whole time and the other guy is brand new, just started this week. That means I might not have to be in Stockholm so much after all but rather just a day or two and then come back home to my new lab. Much nicer to be a 1.5 km bike ride from home than a 200 km train ride.

I'm feeling 100% symptom-less. I even slept only 5 hours night before last but still managed a whole normal day without a nap. It's hard not to think, "Oh no, I feel good -- what's wrong with me!" ;)

Hi all. I have to let Tildy know that my gardening efforts are less than stellar as well. We live in a high-rise apartment in the inner city and I have about 5 pots on our balcony that originally had lavender and a variety of herbs. They now sit empty except for the potting mix and simply collect dust. I do well at the start with plants, but then it all goes down hill. I am looking forward to having a garden at some point in the future. I would love to move early next year to a house with a proper outdoor area. Tildy I totally understand your 'oh no I feel ok etc' nerves - symptoms can be so confusing and stressful. I had basically none with this pregnancy. I am sure all is well and as you have already stated, this preg is different to Beiron as you bled constantly during his preg. Your ticker is moving along nicely.

Today is my last official day at work. I can't believe it has finally come around. Due to working on my own, it doesn't feel overly festive but I am going out for lunch so that will break the day a little.

There has been such a good run of BFPs in here of late, I am sure they will continue for Sept and Oct. Sending out positive vibes to everyone!