Trying To Conceive After Stillbirth/Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage August 2008

hi everyone!
will try and write quick as i have to leave mums and take josh to the hairdressers, so if it is filled with mistakes then forgive me!
In short - we have no new news! Nothing showed up but i have been referred to the Head of Obstetrics at monash now and will be seeing him in 2 weeks on the 16th. Apparently he will talk in length about my choices going forward and the OB today said that if i stayed in some care under them they would do all they could from before preg to try and help us have a baby. They have ruled out chromosomal abnormalities, any blood clotting stuff and basically all those big things that we have spoken about have been ruled out. He spoke alot about genetics and broke it down for me into "dumbspeak" but in a respectful way so i could undertstand the medical terminology of it all. He was wonderful about the frustration of it all and i think that was esp good for me aqnd my emotions.
have to go now cos i am gonna run late!
will be later! just wanted to fill you all in a little!
hgirs - i know what it is like - remember i was like that a few days ago with the preggie belly! it is normal but heartbreaking at the same time! I hate that we feel like we have to be straight faced when dealing with others! sending you soooooo many hugs! take care!
x jo

hey -
what is more frustrating and heartbreaking? getting no answers from today or going into email now i am home and seeing an email come through with "my pregnancy -30 week" update from baby centre!:wall::wall::wall: i have to figure out how to cancel!

Good afternoon girls,

Tildy - you poor thing!!!! Hoping all is ok and will be thinking of you on Friday. I am sure all is OK and its just another bleed to make you feel unsure.

Jo - you must be so frustrated in not being able to get any definate answers. Does it mean that when you get pregnant next, you need to be monitored very closely or be in hospital the whole time???

Helen - We are here for you..... it is very understandable that you have all these emotions and sometimes we just want to shut ourselves away, so nothing can upset our feelings. You also could be feeling a little bit more hormonal because you are pregnant and your levels are probably all over the place. Have you seen your Dr yet about a blood test????

Hello to Paula, Cindee, Katiegirl, Lan and Rozzie - hoping everything is going well for you all.

Well with me, I am still on cloud 9 and hoping that it doesnt get taken away from me. Went shopping today and even had a little peak at some baby stuff, but it is way too early for that yet. I am going to buy a nice baby present when I get past the 12 week mark.

Love to you all.

xxx Sue xxx

Helen, I agree with Sue, emotional outbursts are a big part of being pregnant. Even without being pregnant you would have every right to get upset about seeing a newborn bub. I held a friends baby over the weekend (4mo) and it was a little girl. Part of me wanted to cry and part of me tried to just enjoy the beauty of it. It was very hard and emotional but I just try and embrace my emotions whenever they come up and see them as part of maintaining a connection with Charlie. Try not to be too hard on yourself, you have hormones going crazy and probably a whole range of emotions about being pregnant again that may take awhile for you to sort through. Just be kind to yourself.

Jo, I don't know what to say about your results (or lack of). At least it sounds like they are taking your desire to have another baby seriously (not like that delightful friend who told you to give up and be grateful for what you have!). You may know more after you meet with the specialist in a couple of weeks. Its so awful because we want answers so that we can have more certainty 'next time round' but there doesn't seem to be many cases where they can tell us exactly what happens.

Just know you have good friends here who love you and know what you're going through.

Paula
xox

Thanks everyone, you have made me feel a bit better this afternoon, and in answer to the question, No I haven't been for blood tests yet! I am going on Monday, I really want to see MYDr,so she is back on Monday. It still feels very unreal at the moment, by now I had MS and more symptoms, all I have is slightest sore BBs and tiredness. I can't get excited about it at the moment, I keep waiting for something horrible to happen. I am sure I will feel better next wk after I get some results back, I might even push for an early ultrasound around 7 wks. I need to shake this negativity, it really isn't me!

Jo - I hate not having answers, it brings out the control freak in me! They sound really positive for your next pregnancy though. Maybe next appt might shed some more light.

katie - Whats with the connotation of 'and they will bring you enormous amounts of love and comfort.', I have had a little funny feeling about twins, and this is about the 3rd time lately it has come up! I know you didn't mean anything it was just one of those things that leaped of the page at me:lol:

YAY Sue! Such fantastic news. What does a baby look like at 8wks? Still beany?

Helen, poor you! A secret - I have an internal melt-down every time my brother or sister say something about their kids. I know they're proud and of course I'm happy for them but the mean streak in me screams "What about my baby???"

Tildy, you are super zen for getting yourself back to being rational and calm. I'd be climbing walls by now. Can't wait for your good news tomorrow. And I don't feel left out at all. I'm happily riding on the wave of BFPs in here. It's very reassuring.

Jo, that sucks big time that they gave you no answers. So frustrating. I hope the big Ob man you're going to see gives you something - more tests, medication or something. They can't just leave you to chance again.

Hi Paula, Rozzie, Katie and Cindee :-)

Jo, I'm sorry you don't have any answers :( I take it they never found any answers with Jack either? You poor thing, your confidence has been shattered and I suppose all of us who have been through this hope there is a simple cause that can easily be remedied, but it rarely seem to turn out that way. It's good though that you will see the best doctors around, there's not much more you can do right now. If you don't want to get pregnant straight away you'd better not do BD or stay off this forum, because pregnancy seems contagious in here!!! I'm sure when you're ready we can infect you quickly enough :)

Helen, we all go through those moments. At work today it was mentioned twice that a person I needed to speak to was on leave because his wife had a baby ( I would have thought he was pushing 50??!!) and it just threw me. Not much you can do I guess, rub your belly perhaps?!

Sue:cheer: wonderful news!!! you did so well waiting till after 8 weeks to see your peanut too!!! Not much more I can say but I'm so thrilled for you :)

Tildy, thinking of you as you go to the doctor tomorrow. I hope your bleeding and cramping stops soon

Hi Lan and Paula and anyone else I've missed.

Well after mulling over the decision I decided to buy a doppler, which arrived today. I decided that it would be good reassurance until I felt movement, and if the worst were to happen again I would rather confirm it at home in my own time and not stress out waiting for an appointment. I tried to get it to work, which it didn't, so I rang the very unhelpful guy at the company who told me to try a different battery, which I didn't have, so rang DH to pick one up on the way home. When I took the battery out it was still wrapped, felt very foolish, and of course it worked after that. Found the baby's HB fairly easily which is great cause it was the cheapest I could get. DH loved hearing it too, we counted it at about 150 bpm. Was lots of fun! Must put it away now!!! feel like celebrating, maybe dinner and a movie. The eve of a long weekend always puts me in a good mood!!!

Bye for now!!!

wow Rozzie, I have been wondering if you can get the dopplers to have at home. Was it very expensive. Maybe we could all buy one and get a group discount!! Here I am getting all paranoid and I'm not even going to be ttc until Dec with Lan. The thought that I could have that reassurance has made me feel a whole lot better. Ahhhh I remember the days when pregnancy used to be such a pleasant carefree experience. Oh well, i didn't have cool chicky babes like you guys to share it with back then so there are some ups to being a complete paranoid freak!!!

Hi all thank you for all the well wishes. It has been quite an exciting ride so far.

Lan the bubs at 8 weeks is still tiny, but you can see everything. I could see it moving and had little arms and legs. I was quite surprised how much I could see.

Rozzie I thought of getting a doppler machine, but was thinking that maybe I was being too fanantic about it all and what happens if I cant find the heartbeat and the baby has moved etc. It scares me.

Where did you get it from??

xxx Sue xxx

Paula, I got the doppler online, it was $70 but with taxes (separate for some reason? Annoying!), postage, plus the gel it was about $95 all up. This one works from 12 weeks. There are others that work earlier that are a bit more expensive. They are sometimes cheaper on Ebay too, there are usually a few. You can rent them but they're like $40 per month, more expensive by far!

Sue, I felt that way too but in the end decided to go ahead. But if you think it would just cause you more worry than not then you're probably better without it.

Also bought some lovely maternity clothes on Ebay, have been having a lovely time online!!!

Hi everyone,

Just thought I would pop in to say hello. I have been feeling very positive as of late and being able to get some things off my chest has helped immensly!!!!

Sryan I am so glad to hear that your scan went well, you have overcome a big hurdle both physically and mentally. YAY! You give me hope :)

Thanks to who ever gave me the hint about editing my signiture, still havn't worked how to add the little animated icons, it won't let me??

I have my meeting at Repromed next week re the results of my biopsy, super excited to see what the Dr has to say. I should be able to test next weekend so send all your positive vibes my way! lol

Cheers Lanie

P.S thanks for being so welcoming, I'm sure i'll get to know all of you and your stories soon

LOL!!!!! just worked out that the icons come up as animated when you post! I'll be off now to edit my signiture HA HA

:bluedust::pink-babydust::bluedust::pink-babydust::bluedust::pink-babydust::bluedust:
Just sending everyone good vibes :)
cindee xxxxxx

Hope everyone has a good weekend. i might not be on over the weekend, as im babysitting and going through junk so i can move. its amazing how much accumulates over the years. getting excited though a house of my own is good:lol:
anyway wish everyone a great weekend:grouphug::loveshower:
cindee xxxxxxxxxx

I'm happy to be fanatical. Rozzie, when I catch the preggy bug off you guys I'm buying a Doppler immediately. You too Paula? I'm so happy that you're going to be TTC-ing with me.

Sue, I got all warm and fuzzy reading about your bean and imagining what s/he would look like. I didnt' realise they moved much at 8wks. How cute!

Hi to all!

Hi all - well I am back in Melbourne. I was very sad saying bye to my mum as it has been so lovely to spend this past week with her. She kept telling me how much it has meant to have me there so I really feel like I have given her a lift. She is seeing the surgeon this afternoon and he will confim what treatment she needs - radiation and possibly chemo. I am exhausted and we have a party to go to tonight and I still need to clean up a bit before our friends arrive tomorrow. I am feeling sorry for myself! On a plus point...the baby has been moving around a lot. I even started wondering today if I may end up going early - not too early but before 40 weeks. Probably just wishful thinking on my behalf.

Helen - if you end up having twins then I will take credit for having psychic abilities. Though truth be told it was either writing 'he/she' or 'they' plus I think you have a couple of little babies waiting for their turn here on earth with you. I would like to think we all do - a couple of earth babies and our special angel babies looking after all of us.

Sue - so happy about your scan. Such a boost for the weekend.

Jo - I am sorry that you have not had any answers for Maddison's passing. My ob Mark has told me though that he has only had 1 patient have 2 late losses without finding a reason and she then went on to have healthy babies. He specialises in high risk, so I take that as good odds for all of us moving forward especially when they find no reason for the death. :hug: as I know how hard it is to not know why your baby did not make it. I hope you are doing ok. I am here if you need to chat. Thanks also for offering a shoulder and an ear in regards to my mum. I really do appreciate it.

Lanie - I hope you find this thread as inspirational as I have. It helped me through some dark days.

Rozzie - you are obviously good with your doppler finding the HB so quickly. I had my own doppler in the form of my Obs ultrasound when I had my weekly appointments!!! :) I think though that a doppler would have been difficult for me because I carry my babies low in the early part of pregnancy and this time I had an anterior placenta so I know even my ob at times had trouble finding a heartbeat. I think if it gives you peace of mind, then go for it.

Well I have to get cleaning so more hellos later. Hi to Cindee, Tildy, Lan, Paula and anyone else I have missed. :grouphug:

Quick note from me...

I've been to the doc's. Baby, cervix, everything look fine. There is no explanation for the bleeding or the pain (she saw no hematoma or placental abruption, and since I bleed every 1.5 - 2.5 weeks it can't be breakthrough bleeding), neither of which has stopped, and it's been a week now. So I'm glad that everything looks fine at the moment, but I cannot relax and stop worrying. She just said that I should take Cyklo-F (a medicine to lessen bleeding) and call again if the bleeding becomes heavy again.

Beiron's EDD is coming up in a week and a half, as well as the anniversary week of losing him coming up 3 weeks from now. So the next month or so is going to be very, very tough with all this nonsense going on.

I'm feeling VERY ill all of a sudden the last couple days, so I can't stick around and write more now. I'm going to keep myself in bed and try to rest up.

Hi Tildy, so relieved to hear that Kebab is doing good. One of my friends lost so much blood during childbirth that she had to have a blood transfusion. But 1.5yrs on she is fine and her little girl is fabulous. They never worked out where the blood she lost came from either!

Katie, 35 wks! Yay!

Hugs to all :-)

We have a very interested buyer in our apartment who keeps kicking us out of home for a "final look". It's becoming very unfunny now. Humph! We're supposed to go home to CBR this weekend but we're still sitting here waiting for them. Hisss!

Roz, I'm going to PM you my mobile. Can you pls PM me yours? Maybe we can catch up in CBR if you're free. My mum actually started some intensive medical treatment last Thurs so I'm home to keep her company (I know, just like Katie's!) but she's doing good so far so I'm happy.

Tildy - great news, your bub is such a fighter! Watch out! I hope that was the last of your troubles and now you can start to enjoy things. Easier said than done, I know.

Hammi - Gosh, is your mum OK? You have had a rough trot lately with people around you. I hope you get a sale soon for your place. Are you going to by a house or another unit? or just rent for a while?

Cindee - How is the packing going? We are looking at selling up next year, but have no real idea whether we will stay in Brizzy or head up north for a bit of a country change, I am from the country so I do like some space. I find the real estate game quite exciting! I have been to 4 open houses this morning!

Katie - Glad you are back safe and sound and I am sure your mother is feeling better just from having you there. Will she be able to come see you when your bubba is born?

I have started to get anxious about my appt on Mon, can't wait to have the pregnancy 'confirmed' and of course checked out. We told my inlaws yesterday, because my MIL came around with a bottle of bubbles for happy hour at our place, and there was no way I could have fooled her about not drinking! They are ecstatic, only problem is they leave to go back to NZ on the 16th. They are from there, but spend 6 months here a year, won't be back until May, bugger.

Hi Ladies,
I am new to the TTC page. I know a few names in here from the pregnancy after loss page. For those of you that don't know me...We lost a son at 22 weeks. Everything looked great one week and the next he was gone with no reasons found. We just lost our daughter at 28 weeks. She was measuring a little small at 17 weeks. I went to a high-risk doctor for weekly scans and they told me that she was going to die any day. She held on for 11 more weeks. I was 2 days away from having a c-section to give her a better chance on the outside. There is still no known reason for my losses. They found massive clots in the placenta but no clotting disorder.

I was pregnant for the 3rd time last month but we lost the baby at 5 weeks. I am now taking daily aspirin and heparin. We are going to TTC in the next few weeks. I am not ready to give up yet! I really don't know how I am going to be able to emotionally handle another pregnancy. My second was even more heart breaking than the first.
I am going to need a lot of support ladies, please!

Parker 7/27/07 @ 22 weeks :angel:
Shelby 5/27/08 @ 28 weeks :angel:
Bean 9/5/08 @ 5 weeks :angel:

Welcome Laney I hope we can give you :comfort:, we lost our son at 23+5wks in April and we re just 5 wks along now, and praying like crazy this journey doesn't end again. I can't imagine the horrible time you have had, you are extremely strong and amazing to not give up. I hope this time your journey brings you a gorgeous baby home. I am sure I speak for all of us when I send you this :grouphug:
Helen

hey girls!
hope you weekend has been good to you!
Laney - I am so happy you are over here with us! You might remember my story from the preg forum-very similar to yours but with Madison even with all the invasive tests this time on her and i, they found nothing. I see the head of obstetrics at Monash on the 16th so we will see what he has as options for me to do in terms of the future. And i agree the next loss def hit much harder than the first, i think in part because i was still grieveing for jack and then had to cope with madison passing also. And like you, i was told even if she was alive at the ultrasound it would have been a matter of time until she died as there was nothing they could have done. But i guess as mothers, we will always hold onto that small glimmer of hope -we have to! We are all here for you!
hgirs - good luck tomorrow for your "confirmation". YAY!
Katie - glad to hear you got home ok! And that you are so close to the end! Its so exciting!! And with the way you run around -i honestly would'nt be surprised if bubs came early! You never know.....;)
tildy -i am so glad you got home safely and that they have said all is ok. i was getting so worried about you! You do have a little fighter in there!
hammi -you have so much going on too. Hope your mum will be ok! please take care of you too!!! your pre preg counselling was in early nov????? was trying to remember!
cindee - make sure you take time out of your busy packing! it is exciting tomove and you will have so much to be excited about!!!!! hope your kids are feeling better!!
rozzie -good on you for finding the heartbeat so quickly! i swear if i had one while i was preg i would probably never take it off!!! i would find myself a bit addicted!!
lanie -hope you are ok! I am hopeless with anything computers so i'll join your stupid club too! ha ha!!!!
sryan - i am so glad you found your ultrasound so wonderful with the baby! It is so amazing what they show up but i think it is wonderful for all of us as we need those images so much!!!!
i am being kicked off! Visitors over!!
take care everyone! xjo

Jo- I do remember you and your little Madison. It would be hard to forget. Your story was so similar to mine. I didn't want to scare you with too much of my story when you were pregnant with Madison, so I didn't write very much to you. IUGR that starts as early as it has for you and I usually doesn't end well. My doctors were pretty straight about it right from the start.
I am sorry to hear that you do not have an answer either. I wanted a reason but I knew that I wasn't going to get one. I wanted something that they could fix. Did they take a closer look at the placenta? They did not find anything when we lost Parker but because Shelby held on so long the clots formed large sections of scar tissue on the placenta. It gives me a little hope for the heparin. I am almost positive that they will advise you to take the daily heparin shots as well. My regular OB told me that he would have given them to me even if my high risk doctor didn't find clots. I am happy that we will be TTC and pregnant around the same time. Most likely taking heparin shots together as well. :hug:

Parker 7/27/07 @ 22 weeks :angel:
Shelby 5/27/08 @ 28 weeks :angel:
bean 9/5/08 @ 5 weeks :angel:

Good morning everyone,

Sorry havent been on lately. Had mum and sister down, so it has been a bit busy.

Everything is fine with me, been feeling really nauseus at night, when I start organising dinner etc, it sets in and I can't eat much. So I have been filling up during the day (for just in case).

Hammi - how did you go with the buyer for the apartment???

Katiegirl - glad you are back safe and sound. How is your mum????

Laney - welcome to our group. Sorry to hear about your losses. I look forward to getting to know you.

Helen - how are you feeling???

Tildy - Glad everything is going well. You must be very mentally tough!!!! Will be thinking of you for Beirons EDD.

Hello to Cindee, Jo, Lanie and Rozzie - hoping all is well for you all.

xxx Sue xxx

Hi Girls

I've been away for a few days over the weekend. DH had a golf weekend and the organiser offered to put us up in some s****y accom for the weekend. I took full advantage and spent saturday by the pool before going to have 2.5hrs worth of massage and facial etc. The best bit is, my girlfriend is coming up next weekend and we are going to a spa retreat in Bryon for a couple of nights for more massages and facials. Some of us have to live the good life, it might as well be me for a few weeks!

Glad to hear everyone is well and all bubs are travelling along niceley. Keep up the good work.

Laney, welcome and I am so sorry to hear of your story. No matter how good I think I am doing after losing Charlie whenever I hear of someones loss the pain floods back as if it all happened yesterday. I think that is why it is so supportive in here, because everyone can emphathise so much and understands your pain. To suffer 3 losses the way you have must have been so heartbreaking but I am pleased you have not given up and I am sure you will find great ttc support here!

Anyway, I am off to the shops now. I am finally starting work tomorrow and have just realised that after 7 weeks holiday none of my clothes fit!! I am still carrying a bit of PG weight as well (I never seem to lose it the way my friends do). It is not good when you don't have a bub to show for it. So silly really, if I had a 3mo baby I wouldn't be so hard on myself about not having lost all the weight and yet because I haven't I feel like such a loser. Anyway, have been eating well and exercising heaps and it is slowly but surely coming off. Am hopying once my thyroid medication arrives that it may help a little as well. Oh well, a good excuse to shop I guess!

hi girls!
well, i have now got my 2nd AF. And the good news is that it has come around the same time as last month which is a good thing going forward for my body but at the same time it sucks as it is hard to think about the fact if Madison was alive i would'nt be having it right now! I am alot more prepared this time around, esp due to having no answers and so are writing dates and lengths and all sorts of things down, probably because i want to have as much info as possible to give to whoever i see. I have ben fnding myself very emotional these last few days. Dan spoke to the DH of girl who came into to work with her preg belly (the one who had her first loss same time as me) and i completely ignored by going on a break in the backroom cos i did'nt want to deal with the belly. Well, the DH said to dan that she had said i did'nt seem all there when she saw me (i was trying to fight back tears) and Dan told me he had told her DH about losing Madison but he had'nt told her as they were already so nervous and that would upset her too much. So her Dh was fine and understanding but she will still think i am a freak!
Laney - When i re-read my "i'm so happy your here!" post to you i cringed a bit and hope that you know i meant being here for support!!!! The girls are so so wonderful over here that i think you will gain as much from them as i have! And, about the shots -the OB i saw at Monash last week said that it was a possiblity next time around and that is why i have to see the professor Ob as he will let me know what path to look at. My body is'nt good with meds, i can get headspins of a panadol at times and really try to avoid things like that at all! But i am willing to work with anything at this stage -i honestly don't think i could cope with another loss. My heart is so fragile now. This happening twice is my worst nightmare came true.
mrs robbo - you are living a good life and so you should! You have been a big of a jetsetter lately! How did it feel going back to work? I hope you had a easy break in day!
syan - nausea is exciting for you...your little bubs is growing away in there! eat where you can - i find when i am preg that i am not much of a eater at night either for some reason and i have a HUGE appetite always! we always feel we have to compensate tho!
hammi -i am going to ask too - how is the buyer (:pray:) going? My parents move down near us next week and i am so excited to have them close again! They planned the move after we did and they only moved to stay close to us so it has been a big deal leaving their house of 17 years!
tildy -hope you are going ok! I'll have my arms around you in a cyber hug for the next few weeks!
katie - getting closer.................:dance::dance::dance:
hi to cindee, rozzie, hgirs, lanie - hope your all ok!!!!!
take care! x jo

Hi everyone

Hope the long weekend (for those who had it) was good to you all.

My mum is doing OK. She had a blood transfusion in her teens and contracted Hep C from it. She wasn’t diagnosed until a few years ago and just started treatment for it. The doctors said that some patients suffer from severe side effects in the first 6 weeks but so far my mum is doing OK. Fingers crossed that it’ll stay that way.

We also sold our apartment but I’m holding off on celebrating until our solicitor confirms that everything is in order. So, a mini yay.

Jo, your memory is good! I have my preconception counselling on 7 Nov. I’m really looking forward to it. When do you see the big kahuna Ob?

Laney, welcome to our little group. Your story is so, so hard. I hope you catch the vibe from all the BFPs we’ve been getting in here and that this next pregnancy will be The One.

I met the lovely Rozzie and her husband yesterday. So nice to be able to sit down and chat face-to-face after all these posts. I hope to be able to meet you all eventually… well, maybe not Laney in the US!

Hugs to all.

Hi Ladies, Thank you for the welcome. I really hesitated to move from the pregnancy page to TTC. It usually get pregnant the first month we try. After my early loss I figured I would be too nervous to let the world know that I was pregnant again right away. I think I will be sticking around for a little while.

Jo, I knew what you were trying to say, no need to explain. I wanted to let you know that I am the same way about taking any sort of medication. I can't even take cold medicine, it makes me very dizzy and tired. The one time a doctor gave me painkillers I couldn't stop getting sick and then I passes out. The heparin and aspirin combination never bothered me at all. I feel great, except for a few bruises. I was a little worried about taking it but I decided that I would try anything.

Parker 7/27/07 @ 22 weeks :angel:
Shelby 5/27/08 @ 28 weeks :angel:
bean 9/5/08 @ 5 weeks :angel:

Hi all - sorry I have been so slack. DH has been doing a huge assignment for uni and I have had to sacrifice my computer time.

Laney - welcome to this little group. I know it must be hard to be in the TTC thread again after all you have been through. I know you will find a lot of support and understanding here.

Jo - whilst it is good to hear that your cycle has returned, I know it is hard to accept that your body is returning to 'normal' and is no longer pregnant. I remember the torment that came with it - on one hand I was desperate for my AF to arrive so I knew I could move forward, but on the other it was a reminder that Nathaniel was no longer with me. :hug: I am not sure why your DH's friend decided not to tell his wife. I would feel terrible if I found out someone did not tell me about losing their baby just because of what had previously happened to me. I have tried very hard this pregnancy to not 'own' other people's grief and to always seperate the grief I feel for people like you and Mel from the feelings I have towards my own pregnancy this time. It means I can still offer you the sympathy and support you need without then 'owning' your grief and thinking that this will happen to me. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, you are not a freak and your friend will find out one day what happened with Madison and she will probably feel awful that she was not able to help you.

I saw the ob yesterday and all is good. Bubs is head down and engaged which makes me very happy. I have to go and eat some lunch but will come back and write more soon. Thank you all so much for the support you have offered me regarding my mum. She is doing well and we will find out on Monday when her treatment will start.

Hi everyone, just in quickly, had bloods done on Monday and having follow up done tomorrow to check levels are OK. Must seem like a paranoid mother, but this time I haven't had any MS or symptoms at all really. Not like with my boys I was sick by 5 wks, not that it is a bad thing it just doesn't feel real at all! So I have decided after getting my results on Friday I will tell my mum, feels like a big step. Got my referrals sent off to the hospital and Maternal Fetal Medicine, so let the journey begin! Still a bit concerned about not having a cervical stitch placed, but I will talk to the OB more about it I think. I am just crossing my fingers that it was ONLY the infection that let Cooper down and not IC.

I hope everyone is well, have to fly, Tildy how are you?

Hi girls! I've been quiet for a few days because I've been up in Stockholm for work again and haven't had a second over to check my own email or anything. I've worked 10 hours a day for 3 days and the nights have been kind of rough -- I'm getting into the same sort of sweaty insomnia phase as when I was pregnant with Beiron. Don't worry, I've got an appointment with the boss tomorrow to say that this work load can't go on! But it's pretty cool to feel like I'm actually capable enough in order to work for that long -- it wasn't that long ago I was doing waaaaay more surfing than working and sneaking out early...

When I read what you wrote, Jo, about having your arms around me the next few weeks, I teared up. It was just such a sweet thing to say. And that I come back after being gone a few days and see that Helen and everyone is asking after me... it means a lot to me!

Jo, AF is definitely very tough. It was the week or more in either direction of both AFs after Beiron that I was barely functional. I greatly admire the strength that we see in you here. I just hope that you're not being "too strong" if you know what I mean! *hug*

Helen, did your docs say anything about IC? I've thought and read a lot about it since it always comes up on pages about late miscarriage, but it always says that it's "painless." Mine was so far from painless (and the sac was intact when it came out) that I feel comfortable ruling that one out.

I'm glad to hear that things are still tip-top for you, Katie. Out of curiosity, do you know how the healthcare system in Australia handles possible hereditary breast cancer? That is, in the states I was always told that I should start having mammograms at 25 instead of the usual 40 because my mom had breast cancer. But I moved here to Sweden at 24 and don't know up from down about how they handle it here. I believe they might actually test me to see if I have the gene. Send your mom our love!

Laney -- like I said in the preg thread, it's so unfair to have to go through the two late losses you did and then get smacked with a "it could happen to anyone" chemical pregnancy. I wish you just could have had a break, because you're due for one. :(

Hammi -- mini congrats on selling your apartment then. :) It's still a while left then till your pre-conception counseling. Are you anxious?

I'm going to have to cut this short and whizz through the rest of my surfing so I can get to bed. I can't believe I have to go to work tomorrow! After these three days my body reeeeeally thinks I should get to sleep in tomorrow! Hugs to the people I missed -- Paula, Sue, hope you guys are doing well!

hi girls!
well the last couple of days have consisted of me stepping about 1000 paces back in where my emotional state has been at. tuesday felt like i was having a meltdown - spent most of the day in tears. Even today at work had to fight them back at times and we had head office in!:wall: I have been trying to find 2 urns that would nice for Jack and Madisons ashes but just can't find some that are "perfect" for what i want! well, i have found perfect -they are in the states and can't seem to get a reply email back! :wall::wall:
anyway -
katie -so glad your mum is getting looked after! How did it feel when they told you the head was engaging....they are wonderful words and such a great start of things to come............as for my friend not telling his wife about Madison, i do agree. I have avoided parties because i know she will be there but i can't avoid them forever and we do have one coming up that she may be at so it puts me in a bad place kinda. I would rather be emotional in front of her and she know why than be emotional and her be confused. unfotuneately what has happened to my babies is a reality and i am not the only one to have to deal with it so, i guess he has made his choice. just makes it hard.
tildy - so great to hear from you. I am glad you were talking to your boss about that workload -please be careful. I hope they were understanding! You need to relax sometime! and your statement about me being too strong - i am seeing my MIL this weekend for emilys birthday and am dreading it. It will be my first time seeing her since i lost Madison and i hope she does'nt upset me too much! She will ask questions and push the boundries but i am just hoping to have a good party for em. I think being too "strong" has been my problem and that has lead to me being a wreck this week.
hgirs -take care and double check things that you feel are not right from the past. you can only ask!! hope your followup went ok!
to everyone else -hello!!!
x jo

Hi Girls

Jo: take it easy this weekend, don't let MIL get you down. You have been through so much and have every right to have a complete meltdown whenever you want. Just be kind to yourself and take time out when you need to.

Helen: I look forward to hearing your results, PG symptoms are such a catch 22 aren't they. You don't really want to have MS but when you do it is kind of reassuring. Hopefully your good news keeps coming!

Tildy: TAKE IT EASY! I don't wanna have to do any more skinny white ass whooping. You know I will if I have to!!

Just a quick update from me... I started my new job this week and I am absolutely stuffed. Clearly after 7 weeks holiday I have no match fitness and with so much new info to take in I am finding it incredibly draining. Anyway, off to Byron for a weekend of pampering to recover, I laughed when we booked this weekend about needing it after my first week of work but now it has actually turned out to be more true than funny.

Btw, 2 girls in my practise group are due in December. One is my boss and she knows what happened with me. She has been trying to have a second baby for 12 years (her daughter is 14) and has suffered several miscarriages and serious endometriosis, I think has even gone through ivf. Because I know what she has been through and because of how understanding she has been with me I genuininely feel happy for her. It might change in Dec when she has the bub but i was relieved to not walk into the office and burst into tears!!

Anyway, I am off to lie down on the couch and watch scooby doo with DS (with my eyes closed!!)

hugs to all
Paula
xox

Hi all.

Paula - well done on returning to work and I can imagine it must be exhausting. Take your time and try not to stress about seeing the babies in Dec. I am always finding that the things I fear most after Nathaniel often end up being the ones I deal with best. Enjoy your weekend in Byron - so jealous!

Jo - I don't think it is fair of this man to ask your DH and you to 'pretend' you did not lose Madison. I hate when people make assumptions about what we can handle after a loss. If you see her at this party and you get upset and she asks why - just tell her. She will be able to handle it. He never asked you directly not to say anything and I think it is unfair of him to expect it of you. And yes I think sometimes by trying to stay strong it then comes and bites you occasionally. Just ride out the grief and let the tears flow. I also hope all goes well with your MIL and she is compassionate and understanding. :hug:

Tildy - take care and don't overdo it at work. I am glad that you will be talking to your boss about not working such long hours. Also in regards to breast cancer, I believe that my sisters and I will now have to start having regular mammograms. The strange thing is that as far as my mother is aware there is not history of breast cancer in the family - so it is a bit left field.

Helen - looking forward to hearing about your preg results. And don't worry about lack of symptoms - I had zero this time (and I desperately wanted every nasty one). My ob told me that symptoms are a very poor indicator of a healthy pregnancy. So just keep that in mind if you start to worry.

Hi to all, Lan, Laney, etc. I am having a complete mental blank. We need to do a list of all our names so I can save it and check back on it to ensure htat I don't forget to say hello to everyone. Sorry if I have not mentioned you by name!!!

Hi Ladies,
I just wanted to let you know that I got an unexpected BFP today. My DH and I were told to not get pregnant this month because of the loss last month. My AF was a couple of days late so I took a test and sure enough. I am really scared to death, can't stop crying.



Parker 7/27/07 @ 22 weeks :angel:
Shelby 5/27/08 @ 28 weeks :angel:
bean 9/5/08 @ 5 weeks :angel:

Laney - I am lost for words! I want to say congratulations but I know that you must be very nervous and scared. I will say a prayer today that this little one is a fighter and has the strength to stay with you for 9 months. Will you go to the dr to have the pregnancy confirmed? :comfort:

Hi all,

Sorry I havent been around for a while. Been flat out at work after my week leave, so by the end of day I am exhausted and just crash.

Everything is fine with me, went and saw GP yesterday, she is closely watching my thyroid levels this time (never has before) and I have bloods every two weeks. I have had to increase my dosage once already and close to a second time.

Going to my first Ob appointment on 21/10. Looking forward to it. Hopefully HB still there.....

We also discussed the amount of metformin I am taking (taking 3000mg which is quite high). Anyway she said to maybe start reducing a tablet per week to 1500 mg as I said I wasnt going to go cold turkey....

She is of the opinion that 1500 mg she is quite happy for me to stay on for the whole pregnancy, but I am sure the Ob will have a different view :wall:.

I think I will go with my gut feeling on this one.....

Tildy - please look after yourself. I was so glad to read that you are going to speak to your boss as you need to say something. How is the bleeding going???

Lan - Congratulations on selling the apartment. Is it official yet???

Jo - I read your post with tears in my eyes. Take your time with the Urns, I think it is most important that you pick the perfect ones for your angels.

Paula - You poor thing being so busy. But I am also jealous of you going to Byron. Enjoy and rest up. I understand what you are saying about babies being born in December. My angel was meant to be in November and I know a couple of girls who are due in this month. I am not sure how I am going to handle it, but I think it helps a little that I am pregnant at this stage.

Helen - I am waiting with baited breath from your results......:goodluck: for a good result.

Laney - I have to say congraulations and I am so nervous for you. But I will be hoping all will be OK and this little bubs is a toughie......

Katiegirl - How are you feeling??? Getting too big to get around.. he he he. Is bubs still kicking you heaps???? Not long now girl, I can't wait...

xxx Sue xxx

Laney, the BFP's are a bit contagious in here at the moment. We should have warned you. I know how you must be feeling but hopefully your body knows what its doing and that this little bub is meant to be. I will cross everything for you and hope its a sticky one!

Jo, I just wanted to let you know that I have given up (or perhaps put aside is a better word) trying to find a nice urn for Charlie's ashes. Like you I want something absolutely perfect and it was starting to feel so forced and I couldn't believe how much it was stressing me out that I couldn't find anything. So I just decided to leave it and trust that at some point in the future when the time is right I will stumble across the perfect thing and will just know its right. I actually said a prayer to her and asked her to help me find what she wanted when she felt it was the right time. I know that sounds a bit weird but I talk to her a lot and definitely feel like I get certain feelings or signs when she's around.

Sue, make sure you don't get too busy with work and take plenty of rest time. Hopefully you'll sort out all your thyroid and metformin stuff, it certainly is an added worry that you could really do without isn't it.

Katie, sooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!

bugger, DS just came in and wants brekky... hi to everyone else and chat again soon!

Paula
xox

Hi all,

personals first:

Laney, congrats!! Paula is right, BFPs ARE contagious in here. It's wonderful!!

Sue, almost 10 weeks, you're so close to the 2nd trimester!! With the medication you should do whatever you're most comfortable with.

Helen, I hope you can get some really reassuring results soon. As soon as you do, you'[ll probably start feeling terrible with the MS.

Lan, has your sale gone through for sure yet?

Katie, wishing you luck as you count down the days, how exciting!

Jo, it's natural for you to go through down times. You're doing well to be at work and going to parties at all so take whatever time you need and don't worry about other people's feelings, you need to put yourself and your family first.

As for me, I've had a horrible week with a pounding headache that I can't get rid of. I've had two days off and a very two unproductive days at work spaced out on codeine. Nothing to be done but lots of resting, hopefully having a weekend at home with DH looking after me will be help. To make things worse, I went to the doctor this morning to get the day off and he said my thyroid looked enlarged, so I had to get some blood tests. He looked back through my file and saw I had a thyroid test 18 months ago that came back normal, then he asked me why I'd had all these tests for a miscarriage, gesturing to a picture of his baby grandchild saying his daughter had a miscarriage at 6 weeks then went on to have a healthy baby. I said it wasn't at 6 weeks it was at 22, and he said 'oh, that's pretty rough' at which point the tears came. They always do when it's someone new. Anyway he said he'd call through with the results when he got them, but in the meantime I don't even want to know what it could mean. My mother has always had an overactive thyroid but her body seems to compensate for it and she's never had any problems, esp with having babies. She jsut eats all the time and is always doing something, which is great when she visits as she's like a one-woman non-stop working bee!!!

I think I felt a kick this afternoon in bed... have been feeling things for a week but not sure. Got out the doppler again this afternoon and have found a great spot where I can hear my own heartbeat then can compare the baby's just to make sure they're different... but I can never lock down bub's HB for very long as he/she keeps moving around so I have to follow it!!

Sorry for the marathon, I hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

Love Rozzie

sorry - posted in wrong thread