Sue, I sometimes get the abdominal pains that are eased after a trip to the loo, I think it's normal.
Jo, what a horrible woman!!! Why ask how you were and make you tell her again only to then lecture you!!! I would also add that a woman with 4 kids has no business telling you to be satisfied with two. I wonder if she would have been happy stopping at 2. She's lucky it wasn't me, I would have just told her straight out I don't want her advice. No-one's tried to do it to me yet, but I so do not want advice from people who have no idea what it feels like. They should just say sorry, ask if there's anything they can do and leave it at that.
Anyway, things have been going ok for me at work, except today I went to a brief and saw two people I'd been at a course with in March, and who knew I was pregnant. I freaked out a bit, but I kept my head down and left as soon as it was over and avoided them. It's not like I don't want to tell people who don't know, but in a setting with lots of other people it doesn't seem like a good idea.
Anyway, that's all from me tonight, think it will be another 9pm bedtime tonight, the 6 am starts are killing me!!
Jo - I would want to smash her too!! What a self possessed cow! Sometimes I wonder whether we are too critical of people that have never experienced the loss of a child, but she was just WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!!!!! Come and be wrapped in our arms.
Rozzie - I know what you mean, I went to our library today to pick up DVD's for DS, and I seen an old client reading a magazine. I instantly remembered the last time we spoke as I was so excited to tell her we were having another baby, I just quickly diverted my path and avoided her, as I knew she would ask about the 'baby'. It just brings back sooo much pain.
I have finally finished digging up my new garden, am taking a break tomorrow and then planting out, I am so excited!!
Mrs Robbo I have taken liberty from Ethan's idea, I hope that is OK. It really hit home when you said you were getting your dad to make a sign for Charlie's garden.....I have decided I too would like to have a sign made up for Cooper, as this really is HIS garden.
Hi too everyone else, I have been a bit slack on the facebook front, I will endeavour to get it sorted soon!
Okay where to start - Helen and Rozzie, I think I would still avoid someone if I hadn't seen them from last year and I still fear the awful question about being pregnant last year. I remember the same day I had the D&C a long lost friend left a message on Facebook (on the wall part that everyone can see) congratulating me on the pregnancy etc. I deleted it and I never told him about Nathaniel. I just couldn't deal with it. So know you are not alone in the avoidance and the dread of seeing people, it is completely natural.
Jo - where do I start!!! Oh yes, she acted like she didn't know but pressed you with the 'How are you' question. She obviously couldn't find the courage to just walk up to you and show some compassion so she chose ignorance instead. In fact ignorance is obviously a big issue for her - how a person can believe they have the right to tell anyone that they should not have any more children and to be happy 'with what you have' is staggering. And I hate the 'I am going to be honest with you even if you don't want to hear' just reeks of ego. It is different if honesty is given with an underlying foundaion of love (like my mother offers me - she can tell me to pull myself up out of the doom when no one else can) but this woman has no right. And yes the cliches are so helpful to the healing process...why people insist on pulling them out. Actually I know why they do, because they have no idea what else to say. I have learnt that sorry is the simplest and most effective sentiment. Don't you wish we all have the courage to just tell these people to get lost...but no we are the ones left feeling hurt and confused while they walk away thinking they have been so insightful and helpful. So forget her, and pity her for her lack of understanding. And I am sorry but you should never compare anyone's losses with something different like a seperation -both are tragic but they are different and have no common ground. End of rant. Sorry to hear that the nights are still troubling you, it is the witching hour when we are left to our thoughts and at times I still have these nights. Look after yourself and your lovely family.
Sue, I had some really bad bowel pains one night, so bad that I couldn't move and DH was so worried. I worked out after 15 or so minutes it was all bowel-related. I think it is common to have bowel issues during pregnancy. My ob told me that sharp pains are very rarely of concern, it is more when you have a cramping type pain across the middle of your stomach. If you are worried then ask your Dr.
Today is my first day of no work and to be honest, I loved it! I have started a creative writing course and had that class this morning. I then went about town running errands and taking my time. I was out all day, and returned home and slept for close to 3 hours!
Hi to everyone I have not mentioned by name, I need to scroll back through to see who I have forgotten.
Jo, slap her, slap her! Slap her till she's red in the face. What a mean-spirited cow. She's obviously unhappy with her separation and wanted to inflict pain on someone else. How dare she tell you how you should feel about your own babies. Hissssssssssssssss!
Katie, glad your first day of maternity leave was so idyllic. Good on you for doing the creative writing course.
Helen, good to see you on Facebook. I never saw the point to it before but seeing everyone's photos is the best.
Cindee, that is seriously scary that you passed out for that long. Sounds like low blood pressure? Definitely too much exertion?
Sue, I haven't had those pains but it does sound like constipation. I forgot to congratulate you on putting on your ticker so quickly. That's throwing down the gauntlet, isn't it? Good for you!
Paula hasn't been on a while. Hope everything is OK.
How are you Tildy? How are the symptoms?
Rozzie, I'm going to bed at the same time as you tonight. I have a 7am flight to catch tomorrow. I set my alarm for 4.45am - that's just inhumane isn't it!!!
hey everyone my ob appiontment went ok.. shes really nice dont know why i was worried.. all tests were good. bp is up though which explains the passing out.... been put on aldomet..... the best part though was seeing my little ones heartbeat...... may be an interesting ride again...
It has been so quiet in here - I hope you are all well and enjoying your weekends. Sue - I hope you have had a wonderful 3 days off.
I had another Ob appointment on Friday and all is well. Good heartbeat, belly measuring correctly and still head down. We did the prenatal class yesterday and the facilitator pulled us aside afterwards and explained that she had been informed that we had a previous loss and wanted to make sure that we had been ok with everything. We found it a really lovely day and I even got a little teary when I saw the baby being born and then attaching to the mother's breast. DH said he almost cried as well! I think we both realise how blessed we are to be progressing well and it really does feel like we will be bringing this baby home.
Cindee - great news on seeing bubs' heartbeat - so special. I hope you are feeling ok after passing out? Take care of yourself!!!
Sue - I also forgot to say well done on putting up your ticker.
Hello, lovelies. I haven't been reading for a few days because I guess my subscription was off a bit. But guess what? I'm officially on vacation now. No work for 3 weeks! Although DH is off at 4:30 tomorrow morning for Kiev, I'm taking my driving test tomorrow and have the next scan on Wednesday with DH still gone... so other than getting to sleep all I like it's not going to be all relaxation...
Symptoms are still tiny to none. Lower than normal energy, moments of weak nausea, and sometimes some mild cramps or feeling like bubs is pinching me from the inside. Have you guys had that? Like pin-***** sharp pains here and there? I had it last time too, and when I roll over in bed or step off my bicycle I have that sort of little jolt of pain in the groin area, but that's the ligaments I guess.
It really feels that you're on the home stretch now, Katie. Any "nesting" going on now that you're off of work? Oh, the plans I have for the next 3 weeks... starting with cutting the foot-high grass perhaps... :P
Be careful about that high bp, Cindee, and about everything else. It's great that you saw bubs' heart beat. Make sure you take it easy and rest after what happened.
Hammi, where were you off to? I don't remember if you said.
Hanging in there at work, Rozzie? How are you feeling otherwise? Any scans coming up?
Sue, I've been experiencing so much abdominal/intestinal distress this time, it seems that some nights it doesn't matter what I have or haven't eaten, I get these wicked pains in my lower abdomen. But I can tell they're digestive. I seem to hover around diarrhea or constipated and never in between. But even if I know it's intestinal, it's hard to sit there and have pain right in those spots and not freak out a bit. But I think having to go, either pee or otherwise, puts extra strain on the growing uterus and causes some pain. I even read that the other day, when I was cramping a bit and noticing that it's worse when I have a full bladder.
jo -- it's shocking the lengths to which some people's tactlessness goes. I can understand that some people who haven't had a loss like ours can say clumsy things or throw out cliches that they might not understand are more hurtful than helpful. But this woman crossed a line that ought to be bright as day to anyone and everyone. I wouldn't tolerate hearing "sage advice" about when I should give up trying from my closest friends or the dearest loved ones in my family, so I certainly wouldn't find it acceptable from a co-worker. I'm not saying I would have known how to respond (I probably would have been stunned speechless or ran to a toilet), but what we're saying is... forget her nonsense. And perhaps, if you work with her, think up a short, to-the-point way of dismissing further such conversations.
It angered me when people told me "I'm sure it will be fine next time," as if babies are interchangable Wal-mart products and that getting over the death of my child was just a matter of breezily accepting that I'd have a shiny new one at some point. It strikes me as the same sort of trivialization to nag a person about how they already have kids and should consider themselves lucky. Consider this example: my sister died when I was 10 and she was 13. Do you suppose anyone ever went to my mother and said "Well, at least you've got another one, consider yourself lucky"? That would have been positively absurd.
You ARE lucky to have 2 healthy kids, jo, but they are not a modular replacement for the 2 more that you've created out of love and been unfairly forced to grieve. I'd like to tell the lady to **** off.
Well I had a fantastic 3 days off. We ended up at Bunnings and bought a whole heap of plants and 3 tomato plants. So we were planting a lot of yesterday.
I had a freak out session yesterday.... I had some discharge which was only a tiny tiny bit, but it was an unusual colour - not pink or red but very strange. Of course with my history I was freaking out thinking this is it, its over..... Its amazing how quickly I do that!!!!!
Anyway havent had anymore, though my lower abdomen feels funny, bit airy and gassy and feel like there is discharge all the time, but there is not..... I think it has something to do with bowel again, as it has been funny the past few days again.
Sue - I do seem to remember being very gassy with my pregnancies, I think it is fairly normal, and I so understand the feeling about the discharge, I used to run to the toilet FAR to often only to find nothing! I even find myself out of habit still checking now (crazy women).
I hope everyone is well, Katie - great Ob appt, how do you feel now that you have had a few more days leave? Has it sunk in that you don't have to go to work?
I have a question to ask you guys..... I had a phone call from a friend this morning asking us to go away with them for 5 days in January on Moreton IS. My first reaction was 'oh how nice to get away from it all' and the house they booked is gorgeous, BUT. I am so paranoid that if I have happened to fallen pregnant this month, we would be on an Island for 5 whole days, what if something went wrong??? I would be around 20 weeks, I don't know what to do as I know DH will just tell me I am being paranoid. I can't help it, when things start to happen with me it is fairly fast (as in labour) and I am SCARED. Then there is the whole other thing of the house not having safety gates etc for my DS who will be 2, and other people not closing doors etc, he has already proven to be an escape artist. Am I being crazy or not? HELP!!!!
Tildy, I was in Melbourne on Thurs & Fri. I used to LOVE Melbourne but unhappily I've had to go to there shortly after both my miscarriage and Hamish's birth so now I get such a horrible vibe from the place.
Helen, I would go. And I can say this because I'm excellent at dispensing advice that I have trouble taking myself. We will always be scared, if not for one reason then another. But no matter how much we fear something, we can't stop it from happening anyway. So please consider going as it would give you a lovely holiday to look forward to and you must believe that your next little baby will be yours to keep.
Rozzie and Tildy, it's the magic 12wk for you guys next week. Can't wait to hear about your little bubs bouncing away at your ultrasounds.
And Katie, what a great ultrasound result. Did you get to see your little girl? How big is she now? Can they tell?
How are you going, Jo? Chugging along during the day and silently dying on the inside at night? I hope you are getting more peace at night. How are you coping with work?
Sue, I totally get the freaking out. To this day I still get a jolt when I see coloured discharge but hopefully as the weeks pass you'll be able to feel more confidence in your miracle baby.
Lan, I wanted to thank you.... you have made me feel a little more confident about my "miracle baby". When you wrote that, I thought, maybe this is the one which is going to be a .
So I am going to start being more positive and I wish my scan was tomorrow and not in 2 weeks (sob sob).
Jo, I want to send you a really understanding and loving hug...
As you know I had 4 children before I began losing my babies... I lost 6 - 3 early losses and then 1 son and 2 daughters.
I had some people suggest that "its just not meant to be". But I knew Imogen was there - I just knew that I would have one more baby. I call her my "baby in the clouds". This is because one day at one of the lowest days I just screamed to the sky " is this baby that I believe is coming out there!" I was angry and sad - distraught. I just sat there crying. Then the clouds made a pattern that was almost like a photo (albiet a fuzzy one!) of what I know now as Imogen. I KNEW she was there.
I understand your feelings, and I understand how hurtful and insensitive those comments are. I can remember being gobsmacked. However, let it go - she has her own stuff and you don't need it. Instead focus your energy, your visualisations and your heart on what you want to attract into your life.
WOW, so much to catch up on. We just got back from our trip to Dunk Island. It's funny, even though I haven't met any of you I was thinking about you all the whole trip and hoping you were all going ok. Having quickly scanned all the posts since I left it seems that you are all going well which I am very relieved about.
I will post more later, but for now just wanted to check in and say hi.
I thought I would ask, if I could stay within this group. I feel so much comfort here.... I have tried going to the bellygroup on when bubs is due, but I am really struggling with it. It is really wonderful to chat with them (they are all wonderful girls), I suppose with the issues I have had, my focus is to get to the first scan after 8 weeks and then get to the 12 week scan etc etc and they are all so positive (which is lovely) and are talking about nappy bags and baby names and I really can't think of that stuff at the moment.
Hope you girls don't mind????
Jo - thinking of you
Paula - How was Dunk Island??? you lucky thing. Did you relax and enjoy??? What did you get up to???
Helen - I would book the holiday also. I think sometimes you need to do get away and do these things. Sometimes (especially me) your focus on getting pregnant and having a child sometimes takes over your life!! Your family will love it.
Tildy - How are you going??? I saw in the other area that you had another bleed. Are you OK???
Katiegirl - What fantastic news at the Ob. I cant wait until I get to your stage and see me bubs on ultrasound (but one step at a time). That was lovely of the facilitator at the prenatal class to have a chat with you. You will be bringing bubs home this time. I can feel it and we must stay positive.
hi girls!
have been thinking of you guys all week so far but have'nt had a chance to get on and actually sit and write!
I got the first of Madisons birth certificates in the mail and was hoping they would include jacks name on it even tho due to his age we did'nt have to register him...and they did! It felt really wonderful to see my kids names all there even tho the certificate is surrounded by sadness it is a wonderful keepsake now with everyone on it nonetheless. Surprisingly it did'nt upset me even tho i have checked the letterbox daily for it - i think largely because of Jack being included. The pretty commerative one is still on its way. that has been ordered with a picture of babys footprints so i think that will be the harder hitting one. Dan was out on sat night and i had a major sook over jack and madisons photos, but the nights are slowly getting easier.
i am madly trying to organise 2 birthday paries for my kids.Time has creep up and at this rate no one will be able to come because i am leaving it so late! they are oct 6 and 20th and because of all that has happened i want to do seperate ones instead of a combined one. So i have a nagging neck ache from sitting on ebay trying to find items for a birthday cake for my son that are avaliable O/S but hardly in Aust! ARGH! 480 items later my brain is fried.....
flowerchild - thank-you for writing! your calming effect is wonderful! i have about 1000 questions for you! i have my appoint with monash coming up at the start of next month for madisons autopsy results and kinda want to go in prepared. On the off chance they say they can't find anything (as a few blood tests have already come back saying this) is there any questions or tests i should further ask for? If they do come back with something you know i'll be hitting you up for some support also! and thanks for your story about Imogen -its how i feel. I feel i am still meant to have another earth baby. How can you argue with your heart?
sue -i know what you mean about staying here in this group...i felt the same. I felt i had to go into the preg one as i needed to tell myself i was preg and give into some hope but i have always felt very comforted here too. So yes! Stay!!!!
mrs robbo -can't wait to hear about your trip!!! hope the weather was wonderful!
hammi - if you ever come to melb and you have some time give me a shout and we'll catch up! melb is an awesome place so it is sad it is tagged with sad memories! (i grew up in syd!)
hgirs -i second hammis advice! book the holiday and give yourself something to look forward to! It was quite wonderful to read you "may" be 5 months around then.....
katie -i hope you are going ok!!!!
cindee -how are you feeling?
tildy -3 weeks off -i am very jealous! we are hoping to getaway in jan -i am hopeful that i can hit work up for some unpaid time off! fingers crossed! Some queensland weather may be the answer!
take care everyone! i am back off to ebay to search for dora now! argh!!!
xx jo
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