to you Bec. My thoughts are with you as always. I do hope that this next cycle will be yours
Thank you Berry, the service was lovely with everyone who cares about us & I feel very lucky to be able to do that as I know a lot of parents can't. It was the closure that not only DH & I needed, but everyone who supported us aswell.
Aries, hun. I am so proud of you for having a lovely, but no doubt, very emotional day to remember your little boy. I am one of those parents who just couldn't go through with a family & friends service, so I really do admire those who have. When we lost Josh I was, among other things, just in shock and in 'survival mode' , so my DF and I just had a priest for a very intimate 'naming' ceremony two days after he was born.
It felt really special to me as at the time I kept thinking I wasn't quite ready to share him with everyone else. If I had the opportunity again, I'm not sure what I would have done differently. I then decided to burry his ashes on his due date, but had a complete melt down a day before it was due to happen, and my DF had to cancel the priest and tell everyone not to come to the cemetery. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and heart, I just wasn't ready to let my little man go so he is still here with us at home.
We did however, invited a few very close family and friends on the day his ashes were supposed to be burried, and had a litle BBQ at home and later we released some balloons into the sky. It was really special as everyone wrote a message for Josh on their balloon. For me it was closure, releasing my balloon, was releasing him as I should have had him on that day, and it signified the end to my pg.
So big hugs hun, I know how hard a service is for your child.
Megan, I'm taking it really easy today (like yesterday) so lots of dvds are on the menu. I'm driving myself a bit mad ATM, as I was speaking to a work friend on the weekend who got her BFP 5 months ago, on her first IVF try (with fresh transfer) and she had spotting for 3 days after the transfer and cramping for about 3 weeks. I had strange cramping twinges on Sat and yesterday, but no spotting... I know not all women have implantation bleeding on the 'outside', as I don't think I had spotting with Josh. But, I can't help but wonder if nothing is happening in there???? Agrrr, this 2WW is going to be so much harder than last time, as last time I wasn't expecting it to work, but this time I'm praying it does. I think we've done so well having a second chance with the this embie to implant, and then for it to thaw out beautifly was another wonderful achievement, so it would be a real heart break not to get that BFP. I have his/her picture on my fridge, looks very much like Josh's did
How are you feeling hun? I'm sure you're a bit anxious but rememmber to relax (ha! I should take my own advice..) can't wait for your first scan!
Bec, I'm sorry AF arrived hun . I'm also very sorry you're feeling so down ATM. I know all these milestones are heart breaking, and there's always going to be their 1st birthday, 2nd, 3rd, Christmases, etc. The rollercoaster we're on will keep going to the day we die, some days it feels like we're never going to get off it, other days it feels like there might be a new beginning for us, so we get off temporarily! There isn't a day I don't think about Joshua hun, by knowing he's always around me and in my heart, I feel I can move on. With us currently trying again, I have made that a 'new' project for us, so it has been somewhat distracting, but still very emotional for me.
Big hugs sweetie, I hope it gets easier for you soon, and your much wanted BFP is just around the corner for you
Big to all my other lovelies, I'll do some more persies later. Hope everyone has a great week
Megan, thankyou for your kind words, it means a lot to me that someone else has been in the similar situation to me and has moved onto get a BFP. I know feeling left behind is only natural but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I too believe that my body is trying to O but apart from checking cervix position, which seems to change, I'm not doing much else. I gave up temping when my cycle went past 31 days and I had my 2nd BFN. I found it was too stressful and I wasn't sleeping well so my temps were all over the place!
Beata, glad to hear that you are taking things easy and resting up. I wouldn't worry about the lack of implantation bleeding. I had none whatsoever with Ryan and no niggles at all, so just try to think positive thoughts and stay calm. I know this TWW will be an agony but you're almost into single digits counting down the days! And thank you for giving me an idea about how to commemorate Ryan's EDD while we are overseas. I love your idea of releasing a balloon with a message to signify your release of him. Maybe it will give us some closure too. Hope you don't mind if I copy your idea?
Bec, thanks for your words of encouragement. I'm sorry that AF has arrived for you. And I'm sorry that I haven't read your blog. It's not that I don't care, I'm just not feeling strong enough to cope with sad stories at the moment because it re-opens my wounds that I finally feel are starting to heal. One day I will feel strong enough I am sure. But in the meantime I hope that you're starting to do better each day.
Aries, it's good that you have found such comfort in the memorial service for your little boy. We only had a friend and my in-laws at Ryan's burial. It was all we could face at the time as we were only barely hanging on as it was. The less explanations the better for us. We both felt comforted that we had the service. I felt happier that we had the chance to see him and hold him one last time. We put a teddy bear and a letter in his angel box with him and put a gold chain around his neck with a charm on it, the same as one that we both wear. We took turns reading the letter to Ryan before we buried him. We also planted a tree in our backyard and my in-laws have done the same thing. I saw it last week when we visited. They even got a little plaque made up with Ryan's name, birth date and some nice words that they can take with them when they leave the house sometime in the future. Gosh, I can hardly read the screen as I type because of the tears from remembering this. But at least we saw him and were able to acknowlege him the way we wanted which is more than some parents ever have the chance to do. So I'm happy that you were able to have your service the way you wanted.
AFM, no sign of AF yet. Still getting odd twinges and pains but have no idea what they mean. My TCM has a new plan which she's going to talk to me about tomorrow. I keep hoping that maybe I haven't got AF because I'm pg but there aren't any other signs and I feel that just POAS and getting a BFN would be hard to deal with at the moment. It's kind of like I am pretending that there isn't a problem because it makes the fact that I'm not pg easier to deal with when I know in my heart I should still be pg with Ryan, counting down the weeks and days until his birth in August. Is this crazy?
Anyway, that's it from me. Maybe I'll have some more news tomorrow.
Just wanted to send you some big hugs. Just reading your post got me thinking hun... Do you think one of the reasons that your AF still hasn't shown up is b/c in your mind and heart you feel you should still be pg with Ryan and your body is not responding to getting back on track? Dunno hun, it might have something to do with that. But I also know that it can take a few months in some women to get their AF after a loss (especially after a late loss). Hopefully it will arrive while you're on your holiday when you are really relaxed and enjoying yourself.
Hun, I don't mind if you copy the 'writing on the balloon' idea. I actually copied someone else with the balloons, and decided to write the message on the day and everyone loved it, as they each could write something of their own, something personal.
And thanks for your sticky vibes hun, sending you some too!!!!! &
Cheryl, Beata may be onto something, the mind is so incredibly powerful? I don't think its crazy to be counting down the days to Ryan due date, I was the same, in fact I found the months/weeks before Jasmine's due date the hardest and in some ways it was a relief to get past that date, if that makes sense. You have a great TCM, I hope her new plan does the trick. I can understand not tracking temps, they can get stressful. I really pray things turn around for you soon hun, know that they absolutely have to sooner or later. Hang in there, it will happen
Beata, good to hear that you are resting, so important for you! I didn't get implantation bleeding with this pg or Jasmine. Some people get it and a lot don't, so don't read into it. The TWW is so difficult and I can imagine it would be harder for someone going through IVF. As easy as this is to say, please don't read into your twinges etc, as you said you dont' know whats going on, just stay as positive as possible I really pray that little embie is sticking in there nicely.
Bec, big hugs to you , please don't think that you are a failure, there was absolutely nothing you could have done, you are a wonderful mother that loves her baby and still grieves for him. There are plenty of women that have healthy babies that really don't deserve them, life just isn't fair in that way.
Aries, hope you are doing ok
AFM, getting lots of tweaks etc and just praying that little one is doing well in there. I can't wait to get past the dreaded NT scan (this is where things went very bad for me last time).
Thinking of you all and praying that everyone in here gets a BFP very very soon. Would love for all of us to be in the pg thread together
Cheryl, I really hope TCM's plan for you works so you know where you are up to and you can get back on track soon. I think realeasing ballons while you are away is a great idea and i really hope it gives you the closure your looking for
Beata, I'm glad your taking it easy and i hope your 2ww goes quickly (although i know it wont). Praying that your little one is a keeper, It seems as though it is a tough little one allready!!
Bec, I'm sorry that your feeling so down, i know hard it is for you and i hope your feeling better soon. I'm sorry to hear that AF arrived, I really hope you get your BFP soon.
Aries, I'm glad your little mans service was lovely and you and your DH got the closure you both needed I really hope you get your BFP this month
AFM, we are in the middle of buying our first home and with all the stress and frustration i think we missed O, but we tried anyway I just hope we caught it. (sorry TMI ) Riley was a bit of a suprize for us when we found out we were pg so i've never had to chart my cycle so i guess i'll have to, i have a 35 day cycle which is really annoying.
Megan, thanks hunni. It's so hard not to read into all these little twinges, I've been having them on and off since my transfer, but stronger yesterday and today which I pray is implantation. I rang my IVF nurse yesterday and she said implantation of a day 5-6 blastie is about two days later. Hmmm, maybe, just maybe! Apart from that I have sore bb, but that's it. My BT is next week on Thursday, 23/7.
Try not to worry about your NT scan hun, I am sure everything will be fine, although I do understand your apprehension. If I get a BFP, I will be so scared (but also very excited) to go to my first scan. Oh, will we ever stop worrying????
Samcougar, congrats hun on your new house! That must be full on but also very exciting. We're going to look for a new house next year, we thought baby first, house second. The unit we're in is pretty small, but it's really cosy. I hope you caught that sticky eggie hun
Well, I booked myself in to see my FS and my IVF nurse next week to discuss what happens if I get a neg. (please let it be a positive!) and if I can then jump straight into a stimulated cycle if AF shows herself (don't you dare come!!!!!!!) just in case....
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to you Bec. My thoughts are with you as always. I do hope that this next cycle will be yours
I know not all women have implantation bleeding on the 'outside', as I don't think I had spotting with Josh. But, I can't help but wonder if nothing is happening in there???? Agrrr, this 2WW is going to be so much harder than last time, as last time I wasn't expecting it to work, but this time I'm praying it does. I think we've done so well having a second chance with the this embie to implant, and then for it to thaw out beautifly was another wonderful achievement, so it would be a real heart break not to get that BFP. I have his/her picture on my fridge, looks very much like Josh's did
to all my other lovelies, I'll do some more persies later. Hope everyone has a great week
to Beata and Megan!
&
I really pray that little embie is sticking in there nicely.
Praying that your little one is a keeper, It seems as though it is a tough little one allready!!
I'm sorry to hear that AF arrived, I really hope you get your BFP soon.
) Riley was a bit of a suprize for us when we found out we were pg so i've never had to chart my cycle so i guess i'll have to, i have a 35 day cycle which is really annoying.
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