Miss Tess - my heartfelt condolences for your beautiful and much loved Mathew. The death of a child is a true tragedy... I hope you are healing as best you can. It is good news you're tcc again, I do hope your stay in the ttc roller coaster is brief..... it takes more courage than most people would ever know to ttc. I agree with the rest of the girls here - this is a great thread, heartbreaking at times, but this is my spiritual home on BB.
Kateo - oh my sweetie - blossom loss of faith in your body, feeling like you've failed, sadly are all "normal" parts of the grief journey, unhealthy and unfair parts but normal. However my sweet, remember you have done nothing wrong, you have not done anything to "deserve" the death of your darling daughter and you have not let anyone down. The death of a child is a heartbreaking tragedy. Sad things happen to good people. If you still feel like you are to blame, please seek some help from a counsellor..... because you are not to blame and you have let no one down. You are much to precious to beat yourself up with such burdensome thoughts. I can't offer any advice about how to cope with IVF, as I have not travelled that path.
Although my journey has been different to each of yours, I do speak from experience of the tragedy of multiple losses. I'll summarise for you , it is in my signature, but there's also a ticker in my signature which I choose not to activate when I am in the TTC threads. I have been pregnant 5 times and no bubs at home. The first is a story for another time. My true understanding of heartache started in July 08 when I miscarried at 8 weeks. I then experienced the extremely premature birth, labour & death of my daughter at 23 weeks in Feb 09 and then the live miscarriage & death of my son in July 09 at 14 weeks and the extremely premature birth, labour & death of his twin sister at 19 weeks in August 09. I am currently blessed with a pregnancy.... and hoping like anything the journey will involve a healthy little one. But I take nothing, absolutely nothing for granted. I was diagnosed with PCOS,and for some stupid reason accepted what I was told for almost 7 years .... I was given little chance of ever conceiving naturally given the severity of the PCOS and the particular hormonal imbalances. Boy have I proved the Dr's wrong on that count. On the other hand the reasons for the death of my children is unknown. I tell you my journey, not to garner your sympathy, but to offer some ray of hope in the aftermath of your heartache. I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined that I could experience more than one loss, and to have to carry my angels in my heart, but here I am, and I do. I have really worked at my grief, and at times have been quite hard on myself. We all have ghosts in our closets, decisions and thoughts that if we really let them, would undermine how far we've come in our grief journey. I have been truly blessed to have a wonderful obstetrician and eventually counsellor who have really helped. But also the women here on BB but particularly this thread have helped and supported me enormously. So, don't be afraid to share, because this is the place to do it.
Chris W - when do your results from your RI come back? I did accupuncture for about 4 months, going at least once per week, if not more, before this bfp, to help with my blood flow and uterine thickness levels. I don't know if it helped, but the chronic exhaustion I was experiencing lifted after every session of accupuncture and the predictions they made about my cycle and flow were always 100% right. And once when I had water in my ear for a couple of days that I couldn't get out any other way, it came out in about 10 seconds at accupuncutre. Oh my that was sweet relief. So even though I can't say for certain it worked for me, there are some positives of the treatment, and aside from anything else, it was truly glorious to have 30 mins or so just resting and listening to relaxing music during the treatment session. Good luck on Thursday with the removal of your fibroid.... hope the Dr can get that little sucker.
Gigi - I am so glad you didn't get invited, because then you didn't have to say no. Although sometimes I don't like it when people make the decision for you... and just don't invite you. But at least in your case the feeling was mutual, they didn't invite you and you didn't want to go. I have so many confluences of dates. My bestest friend had her second m/c on 28 July 08, in very much the same circumstances as me with wee Nicholas (on 28 July 09) at the same gestation. So I do know what you mean about just having an understanding with someone and not really having to talk. And precious Amelia? She was the "middle" baby due of three for myself and my two very close work colleagues... although it's hard to see the other two little boys at times, I know my Amelia walks beside them and will always be the middle baby. It was really hard but therapeutic to get to know each of the little boys throughout their first year.... it really did help me. Thankyou for remembering wee little Nicholas too.
Happy 1st birthday to your DD. I am glad you got to spend it with friends, and ones who can really understand your journey.
Have you been out dancing lately? Do you have plans to? I remember how happy you were after your last little chance to bogey. I think I might almost be getting close to asking you whether you'd take some glam shots of me... it would mean a trip to Brissy for you. I can't travel too far. But depending on how I am feeling and what the Obs says, I might be able to meet on the northside, but then if we did that, there would be no chance at all to take any shots with my little fur babies.....
AFM - feeling much less glum today, than I was yesterday. It's nice. Have been quite weepy, but that's probably to do with a lot of things. Only 10 more sleeps til the fur baby who is at the vets after radio active iodine treatment can come home. I can't remember who asked, but he won't need much special care when he gets home, just some love, cuddles and some space to adjust to being at home again. The vet nurses were telling me today that he hisses at them when they approach his cage ( it does my head in to think of him in a cage for all this time as well as not being able to visit him and hold him) but when they talk to him, he immediately calms down. DH said he hissed at him when he visited the other day, until he recognised DH. Poor little scaredy cat, only 10 more sleeps.
Susie Q, Chez, Samcougar - thinking of you.
