TTC after Late Loss/ Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth after 1st trimester ~ Dec 2006

Clare, a line is a line babe, no matter how faint it is. I hope that it keeps getting darker and you get a Christmas :bfp: .. I really hope this is your month, I have everything crossed for you :)

Flowerchild, You sound like you and your family are going to have a wonderful Christmas . I hope you enjoy the lights tour. When I used to live in Townsville there were some streets that every home were covered in lights and the police would close off the streets. I loved doing that as a kid and I am sure you are creating the most magical memories for your kids.

We me, I just feel like I am getting worse. I can't stop crying and feel just so sad. DH is doing his best but to be honest, the next few days are going to be hell. We finally found a house in Sydney, we could only get a 9 month lease but at least once we are there it will make finding a house easier. Silly me, I thought well if I get pregnant this cycle, we will have to move just as the lease is ending. Silly me hey.

I am also really stressed because I have to go to Canberra for work for the first week in Jan and that is just after I am meant to have O'd. Then after that, DH will be moving to Canberra for 6 months training and I will be in Sydney and we will only get to see eachother on the weekend. I feel like that is going to make TTC almost impossible. As DH says, lets just see how we go this cycle and we don't get a BFP then we will figure out how to keep BD'ing while we are in different states? Hmmm, don't know how that is going to work but he is good at fixing things. Interstate booty calls were his suggestion, gotta love him.

Anyway, we have a couple of friends coming over tonight so I am going to go and try and make it look like I haven't been crying. I feel like I am back to the first few days after we lost Harrison and just can't stop the tears. Oh well, I am trying to be grateful for everything I have rather then dwell on that I don't have.

Take care my gorgeous ladies

:hug: to every single one of you.

Spring Angel

Evening Girls,

Sorry I havnt posted for a while but just like all of us Christmas is here and I for one am totaly not ready. I have also been finding it so hard to find "Happy Christmas Cheer"!!! Im sort of feeling a bit better knowing im not alone at the moment like I thought I was. My poor mum thinks Im going mad, Im norm Mrs Christmas but have only just put the tree up and chrissy lights!! I had my 35 birthday on Tuesday and found it hard to celebrate. I should have been 14weeks.... so like Clare I downed a bottle of red :doh: not sure that I felt any better after but was good while it lasted.

There is just so much to catch up on, so here go's

Deb wonderful news on prog levels, fingers, feet, everything crossed for a BFP soon. Glad to here you got chrissy shopping done. hope the lights were good.

Clare sticky vibes for you...I hope you get that big dark ++ soon.:hugs:

Spring I sure hope no no things will be better soon. I think christmas times just makes us think of our angles even more and we shouldn't have to feel whatever that feeling is that happens to us but but it just sucks somtimes. I hope you have a great time tonight and know Im thinking of you and sharing this road with you.xxxxx

Mel Find yourself that OB! I agree with deb interview and have one who wants to help not hinder. A good one will be more than happy to go along with your thoughts. Im sure your mum will understand .......they always seem too anyway!! as far as babbling I think thats what stops us from going mad ... Boy i you seen some of my postings talk about babbling!!!!!

To anyone else I hope you are all well and yes 2007 is going to be a good year.

We have decided that next cycle (if it ever comes) we will start to tryfor our 2nd mircle baby. Im not total sure if its the right thing just now.... but after talking to one of my great nurses at IVF she reassured me that it makes no differance so why not. With my added extras to the ****tail hopeful things may go better. DH is happy about the trying part anyway. Back to acupuncture and dowing the pills!!!! Whats that song "The road is longgggg" lets hope its a little shorter for all of us here. Maybe a :grouphug: will get us into the sprit!!!!!

If I don't get back before chrissy, I wish you and your families a wonderful christmas, may God bless you all with BFP SOON and lots of healthy babies in 2007:goodluck:

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't popped in for a few days. Having a pretty rough time and have pretty much just been feeling sorry for myself.

Deb - Great news on the progesterone levels, I wish you the best of luck :goodluck: and lots of bding success.

Clare - I am with Spring, a line is a line. Sounds very encouraging so I will definitely be keeping my eye out for a :bfp: very soon.

Dream - :happybirthday: for the other day. Keep that red wine coming, if that doesn't bring the Christmas cheer I don't know what will.

Spring - It was good chatting with you last night, I always feel so much better afterwards. Thank you so much for your support over the last couple of months, I just know we will be able to support each other through pregnancies in 2007 and hopefully swap stories of not only our angel babies, but also our earth babies. I won't wish you a Merry Christmas cause as we said last night we don't know if it is possible. What I do wish for you is all the very best for the new year and that little bundle of joy you want so much - oh, and that Macca's is open! I will be thinking of you, DH and Harrison tomorrow and I hope you guys get through as best as possible :hugs:

Me - Well Christmas is coming whether I like it or not, I spent today being a sad sack (didn't get out of bed until 2.30pm) hoping to get it all out of my system so I can try to put on a brave front tomorrow. I am absolutely dreading it, I know everyone is going to be so happy and I just don't know if I can do it - I burst into tears before watching National Lampoons Christmas of all things! As for the carols I'm not even gonna go there!!! Although in saying that, bring on New Years - can't wait to see the arse end of 2006 that's for sure.

On a different note, today is CD14 and just like last month it seems today is my ovulation day (according to OPK). I ovulated CD14 last month, AF came the day she was due and ovulated CD14 today - guess you can't get any more regular than that so fingers crossed this month is the month.

On the OB front, I have found someone else by the name of Mark Umstad (Spring, forgot to tell you last night). A couple of people replied to my post and recommended him so I rang his rooms and they said he wasn't taking any new patients which someone actually suggested may be the case. So anyway, I figured I have nothing to lose so wrote him a letter and explained my situation (also put in that I work for a surgeon at St V's just in case it helped) and asked if he would consider seeing me or otherwise could he recommend one of his colleagues. His secretary rang me within half an hour of sending the fax and said she had shown him the letter and that he considered me very high risk and therefore would squeeze me in. She said that he definitely wants to see me before I get pregnant again and so he has put me in to his post op clinic next Friday 29th - YAY!!!! It felt so good to have someone consider me high risk, since my last OB seemed a little blaze that it won't happen again because there is no reason it will it made me lose a little confidence in him especially when he just told me to go back and see him when I was pregnant, whereas this guy is already doing more and is more concerned than the other OB and wants to check me out before I am pregnant - now I just hope I get a good vibe on a personal level.

Anyway, I hope you all - including people I haven't mentioned - have a lovely Christmas and that your angels watch over their Mummy's and guide you through. You have all been a wonderful support for me and I am truly grateful. I wish everyone the very best in 2007, you all deserve it so much.

Love Mel

P.S. I hope Santa is good to you all... Santa (DH) is bringing me a slushie machine, tequila, triple sec and strawberry liquer so that I can make all the strawberry margaritas in the world - New Years Eve is gonna be sensational!

P.P.S. My sister bought a red Christmas bauble for us which has "Nicholas" written on it. How beautiful is that!!!! We were so grateful for the gesture and it really showed us that not only are we missing Nicholas this Christmas but so are our families. I think my sister is really sad because my niece Maya who was born on 4 Nov. and Nicholas were meant to be spending their first Christmas together - life doesn't always work out as planned though hey!

P.P.P.S. Spring - also meant to tell you that after playing golf yesterday and getting a "little" burnt on my chest, I woke up this morning and could barely stand under water if was so painful. I can't even touch it cause it stings so much... thought you may get a laugh out of that seeing as you can relate, lol. With my fair skin you would think I would learn, that's twice in a couple of weeks if you take into account burning the tops of my feet red raw in Hamilton Island. I am gonna get the biggest lecture from my Dad tomorrow!

WARNING: this is a bit of a vent.... I didn't want to upset anyone so please don't feel like you have to read on :)

Well thank God, today is almost over. I hate to be a grumpy bum but it can't be over quick enough. DH and I cancelled doing anything today as we just couldn't face a day of eating and being merry when we just felt like crawling under a rock. Because we knew today would be hard, we had Christmas in early December with our Family. So today just sat around, didn't open any presents, didn't have the big lunch, just spent time together reflecting and talking about your little angels.

I can't help but think that we were supposed to be a family of 4 this Christmas and instead of a bustling house full of dirty nappies and cheeky grins, a silence has fallen over our house. I am glad that we didn't force ourselves to do the big Christmas lunch though. I just don't think I could have coped with that pressure. Mel we chatted about it a few nights ago but I think that I have decided once I get to Sydney in the New Year, I am going to see about getting some professional help. It isn't that I think I am going crazy, but I think the sadness is starting to blur my usually positive perspective. I am so grateful that I stumbled across BB. I think this has been my salvationn because to be honest I am pretty disapointed in how my friends have been. Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriends with all my heart but I think that their sympathy has sort of run out. I don't know why I got so upset but I got text after text today saying "Merry Christmas" have these people even stopped to think hard darn hard it was just getting through today. I know that I am being a little irrational but to be honest, there are only a few people in this world that I know when they say " if there is anything I can do', actually mean it. It makes me so angry to get stupid texts from people who haven't even put the slightest bit of thought into how I might feel.

I got so darn angry last night. We went to the house a few doors down who do their house up in lights. They gave DH and I a Christmas pressy so we went down there last night to give them a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine. We get there and my neighbour is holding a tiny newborn baby born. She basically just passed him to me and of course I burst into tears and said that I couldn't hold him. She then handed him back to her mother as she put out her smoke. Now I don't mean to judge but I didn't everything I could to give Harrison the best chance at life and here is this mother smoking around this tiny little precious baby. I asked how old he was and she said 6w5days. He was tiny and she said that he was only 5lbs 12oz when he was born and that he had had breathing promblems since he was born.... Well no S#@t, if you smoke when you are pregnant that is what happens you stupid women. I was just furious and only just managed to hold my tounge until I got home and balled my eyes out with DH. I know I shouldn't let it get to me but it did. WHY DID WE LOSE OUR BABY WHEN WE DID EVERYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO SAVE HIM......WHY?????....... that is the question that is going to haunt me forever...

Anyway, today is over, tomorrow is another day and soon there will be another year. I know that I will be ok one day, I just hope it is one day soon.

Mel: I was inspired by you going out and getting another Ob that I did some research of my own and started a thread to see if other mothers could make suggestions. I don't care what it takes, I just want to get through my next pregnancy with my baby and my mind. How sweet is your Big sis getting you the bauble, I don't know what I would do without mine. LMAO about your dad getting angry about the sunburn, you'd think us lilly arse girls would learn.

Clare: hey hon, have you tested again? I have everything crossed for you that you get a really strong :bfp: soon. Let us know girl.

Flowerchild: I hope you and your beautiful children had a special Christmas day. I know that you would have made it a magical day for them.

Dream: Belated :happybirthday: hon. :crossfingers: for TTC that miracle baby #2 hon. I know in my heart 2007 with bring us all the blessings we deserve.

Michelle, Sarah and Kirsty and anyone else out there. I hope today was a good as it could be. Thank you to each and every wonderful women in this thread. Each one of you is personally responsible for helping me face each day.

Now bring on 2007.

Love
Spring Angel

Spring Angel when you come to Sydney there is a support group held at Nepean Hospital for bereaved parents (yes some dads too)but mostly mums.It is held monthly (2nd Friday).I can email you info about it if you are interested. Open to anyone.

Though a few of us attend with our babies (BF) and the social worker makes a point of telling everyone new now ... for me when I first when there was a lady 9 months pregnant and her 2 yr is almost same as my angel Charlotte but it gave me hope. Her bub was iVF too and she was lady who lead me to consider IVF -same clinic/Dr and all so I am forever grateful. I knew they had lost babies before and come through a subsequent pregnancy with a baby in their arms so it was okay IYKWIM.

But when we go there we are our angels' mummies and we talk freely with tears and laughter at our tragedies and triumphs and the daily stuff like coping with Christmas / horrible people and yes the others - ones who do nothing or others who run out of sympathy and don't understand or think we should be over it.

The for mentioned lady lost one of her twins 6 years ago but attends and finds it a place to grieve/remember and honour her precious daughter.

I hope you all had a peaceful day

Spring, so sorry to hear you had a rough day I suppose we all knew it was going to be tough but sounds like you had a terrible time. BIg hugs to you. The support group mentioned by PP sounds like a good idea, and its just that "support" it doesn't make you weak because you are grieving and need help.
I am with you on the smoking mother, I would have said something, the day I lost Max there was a preggo woman outside the hospital having a fag and I said in a very loud voice "oh typical I am sitting here waiting for my baby to die and you are trying to poison yours!" DP kicked me under the table but I didn't care.

We had Max's candle on the table with us while Shelby opened her pressies and when we had lunch and surprisingly all our visitors wished him a Merry Christmas, we blew him out when Shelby went to bed.

Deb - hows was your chrissy? Any news on that POAS yet? Are you planning on testing on?

Well as for me I am still getting faint lines on these stupid crystal clear HPT's, I really should go and get a different type of test because I really think they are evaps now. They aren't getting any darker and at 14DPO it should be a tad darker than barely there. Again I am thinking my o date is out, by about 4 days, but FF doesn't agree. My temp is still high and no signs of Af so not giving up hope yet.

Take care all.
Big hugs to you

Hi all you lovely ladies just popping in quickly to see how you all are. Hoping you enjoyed your days to the best of your abilities with our angel babies in our hearts & thoughts.

We had a pretty good day & have to admit the highlight was my brother & SIL announcing after lunch that they are expecting a baby ~ she is approx 15wks pg & glowing!!! I expected to be a little upset after they said it but nope, for the very first time ever I wasn't the emotional mine field that I normally am when someone announces their pg (& believe me it really took me by suprise coz another of our friends announced pg #4 to us on Xmas Eve & I had to go to the *toilet* almost straight away & come back & fib my way through about being fine!). I am so happy for them & can't wait to be an aunty again!!!

On the other hand only 9 more sleeps until we finally get back to see the OB to get our last lot of test results & organise the hysteroscopy & maybe make some headway into seriously thinking about ttc'ing again.

Anyway lovely ladies big hugs to all & will catch up properly soon.

Hi everyone - glad to be over another hurdle.

Spring - As you know my thoughts were with you, DH, Harrison and Pumpkin yesterday :hugs: Just know that you are still a family of four, they are still your babies even though you cannot see them or hold them. I know that is no consolation but it is fact. I understand what you mean by peoples sympathy running out, as you know I have felt that way too - you know you have the sympathy, or more to the point empathy, of everyone here and when you feel that no one is there for you think of us. And I too am with you on the smoking mother, I got angry just reading it. Life seems so unfair sometimes, not only because of what has happened to our babies, but also because an innocent little baby like the one you met has been dealt the hand of such a selfish mother who endangered her own babies life just so she didn't have to go through the "stress" of quiting. I say this as a reformed smoker. I smoked from the time I was 12 and quit only 2 years ago because I had to have an operation and was told I needed to. As far as I am concerened an even better reason than that would be to protect the life of someone so totally dependant on you. I am not trying to be a martyr and honestly smoking doesn't bother me, each to their own I say because they are only hurting themselves... unless pregnant, then they have someone elses life in their hands!!! Well, that being said :rolleyes: how are you feeling today? About the OB I pretty felt the same as you, I needed to be proactive and go out there looking for help rather than just sitting back and waiting for things to work out on their own. And about the sunburn, Dad didn't say anything. Seeing as I spent alot of the morning sitting in the bathroom crying and the early afternoon holding myself back from crying I don't think he was brave enough to bring it up.

Clare - How frustrating about the HPT's!!!! Maybe blood test would be an idea, I have been told it's the only way to get a definite yes or no. Anyway, I still have my fingers crossed for you :pray:

Deb - Hope you had a wonderful Christmas with the kids.

Kirsty - Glad to hear you had a nice Christmas. Congrats to your brother and SIL! Maybe the reason you felt happy about the news is because this baby will be your family and I think you certainly feel a sense of closeness to your siblings children. Personally I find I am ok with my sisters bub but hear about anyone and I am in tears. And hey, maybe 2007 will be your year... we all wish it for you anyway.

As for me, I am already driving myself nuts with the whole am I pregnant this month. OMG - I only ovulated on Christmas Eve so even if I was it wouldn't have even done its magic yet! I have a feeling I won't be, maybe I just think that to protect myself from disappointment, but I keep thinking that I don't think I am lucky enough at the moment for it to happen to me. Oh well, I guess TWW here I am - please be kind :fertilise:

Take care everyone,

Love Mel

Guess who's knocked up!!!

I just want to burst into tears, FF changed my O date yesterday and put me at 9DPO. Last night I was woken in the night with severe tummy cramps and today I feel so pucky and have my tell tale stitch on the left hand side. So after 4 hours wee holding I tested and BFP

Yeah

OMG Clare.... that is fantastic news :happyforyou:

What a wonderful way to finish 2006. I hope you have a H&H pregnancy :) :) :)

What will your due date be?


Yay

Spring Angel

Thanks so much Spring
I feel so awe struck at the moment, I feel excited but sad, you ladies deserved this far more than me at the moment.
My due date is 9th Sept or there abouts - still unsure on o date, I haven't told Craig, and not going to until pregnancy is confirmed by GP (no appointment made yet) I am so scared its not going to be successful and really dont want to upset Craig with another loss, so buying my time.

Surely this has to work out, I couldn't possible have anymore bad luck.

That's fantastic Clare - CONGRATULATIONS :confetti:

Everyone deserves it, including you and I wish you all the best for a wonderfully healthy :bellygrowing:

Make sure you keep us all informed how you are going!

Mel

Oh hun, no one deserves a baby more than anyone else. You are a wondeful person and I know with all my might that this little baby is going to be fine.

I can understand that you are worried, that is only natural. It is pointless me telling you not to worry, for hecks sake I am worried also and I am not even pregnant yet (lol) Just know that you are a wonderful person and will be the best mum this little darling could wish for.

Take it easy hun, I hope you can get in with the GP soon. As Mel said, keep us updated. I hope you don't mind but I am going to get excited for you.

:stickyvibesboy:

Sweet dreams to you and your little bean
Spring Angel

Thanks Mel and Spring

I will definately keep you all up to date on progress. I am not going to Gp until see a few more lines, I just can't believe it at the moment after all th evaps I had. Going to stop in at chemist on the way to work tomorrow and get more tests. lol

Love to you all, you are all wonderful women and have been a tremendous support to me in the past few weeks. I am glad my stay was short, but glad I got to meet you all.
xxxxxx

Congratulations Clare i am so happy for you.

How long has it been since I popped my head in lol
I suppose when the nasty witch props her head up it is a sign to post in lol
Clare: What wonderful news, I wish you all the best. There is never enough POAS tests I say
Mel: Glad you got to see Mark ;) he is sooo wonderful. Let me know how you find him. Good luck..Andrea his receptionist is fantastic too.
Spring:It is so hard to see other babys and not think what should of been. I had many situations where I had to walk out of work as I would just loose the plot. Good luck in your venture of finding a new Obst too.
Kirsty: The roses in the garden sound devine, we just need some rain for the tanks now
Deb: Hope you are doing ok` yah on the progesterone levels. Hope this is the one
Nat: I hope you have something to celebrate and hey a few bottles of red helped me out alot of times. Merry Christmas sweet I hope the coming year brings you some amazing luck.
As for me...I'm ok. Another aniversary approaching, AF and Christmas good combination.
I start FSH injections in a few days, hopefully they will be full of happy hormones.
I know Christmas wasnt all that Merry for some so I want to say that I wish you all the luck and wishes you all deserve for the following year!
Bec

Woohoo Clare what a wonderful belated Chrissy prezzie for you. Got everything crossed for you that all goes wonderfully!!

Hey ya'll

Once again Clare, I am so happy to hear about your little bub growing in you. I hope that I can join you soon, but if not, I promise to support you through all the ups and downs. Here for ya sista :)

Mel: Thanks again for being the super star that you are. I have had a really dark week and both DH and I have lost the plot a bit but I am starting to feel a bit better. Don't know what happend to us both but we just went downhill around Christmas. To be expected I guess.

Flowerchild: How you doing hun? Any news on the BFP front? I have everything crossed for you.

Bec G: Sorry to here the witch arrived. I hope her stay is short. Also, I am not sure when your anniversary is but just know that I am sending you a massive cyber :hug:

Kirsty: That is wonderful news that your Bro and SIL are expecting and you should be mighty proud of yourself for being so brave. I can't imagine the emotions that that brings up. Good luck at the docs, when is your appointment exactly? I hope the test results bring good news.

Well it is official, I hate OPK's and I have only been using them for 2 days (lol). I know I have left it too late in this cycle, but yesterday I just got an urge to use them so I went out and bought a pack. Learning to trust that voice in my head finally.

The first two (yep, I am an addict already) yesterday CD14 had a line within the time but it was faint so as I understand a negative. Today this morning the test had a faint line and then this arvo, almost invisible line which I assume also means negative. What I want to know is because I am CD15 today and have a 28/29 day cycle, is it possible that I have just missed the LH surge. It doesn't really matter because we have been BD'ing since Sunday, with the exception of Tuesday so I think we have covered our all basis. The reason I am getting a little frantic is that from CD 20 - CD22 I have to go to Canberra for work. It is my first week back since having Harrison and it would be my luck that they need me in Canberra :( I am taking OPK's with me and I am serious, if I get a surge, I am thinking of flying DH to Canberra. He likes to call it an interstate booty call. An expensive booty call if you ask me, but what the heck.

I know that as a general rule you get AF 14 days after ovulation. I am just really confused because when I fell pregnant with the twins I didn't get a strong +ive until 5 weeks and when I went for my first scan they said I was 7 weeks not 8 weeks. I am just wondering if this means that I ovulate late? From what I have read, the 14 days between ovulation and AF is fairly standard and for women who have longer cycles it is the time leading up to ovulation that is longer. I know I have gone on and on, but as DH and I will only be seeing eachother on weekends from 29 Jan 2007 for 5 months because of work commitments, I just don't want to miss the boat this month.

I know I am clutching at straws, but do you think I have already ovulated or is it possible to ovulate much later and still have a 28/29 day cycle?

Anyways, hope you all have had a nice festive season. Anyone got any mad plans for NYE? We are going to a friends house around the corner for a few drinks. I want to be careful incase it is O time but I feel like I still have to try to enjoy life.

Anyway honeys

Love to hear your thoughts about my OPK's issues.

Take care
Spring Angel

I meant to say also that I have had what I think is EWCM but because we have been BD'ing so much it is hard to tell IYKWIM. Sorry if TMI.

Spring Angel

Spring,
It is possible you have already O'd, I did cycle monitoring before IVF and was sent with my batch of OPK's and was a junkie couldnt get enough.
If you had a line yesterday that was stronger than today it is more than likely 24hrs prev to your first test was O time. It also may differ because FDU is stronger than afternoon it may of been fainter. Test tomorrow and if you still have a line it should be strong. Anyways fingers crossed...witch was left have this weird feeling today as I am having all these nasty phantom pregnancy symptoms lol I am too tight to go and buy a HPT cause it will say BFN
I was hoping that Mel might of dropped in to say how her appointment went, I'm sure she will be armed with a pathology test form that requires 7+ vials.
Hoping someone might pop in and say hi :)
Bec
Spring : Audrey was a NY day baby

Hey Bec - LMAO about the OPK Junkie, I wonder if the government will be subsidising OPK rooms for users (lol)

Anyway, think you are right. I was a naughty girl this morning and did an OPK with FMU (tsk, tsk I know) Anway I know you are not meant to do them because the urine is too concentrated and can mean a false negative, well there wasn't a line at all. So unless the lines the other day (which were faint but definately there) were in my imagination, I think I have O'd. Doesn't change the fact that I think I will be testing day and night until AF arrives.

One thing is thou, that I was on the phone to Mel until just after Midnight so didn't BD last night as DH was already asleep. Thought of waking him but I decided to wait until he woke this morning. If he doesn't get us soon he will be getting a nice little wake up surprise ;) I hope that doesn't matter that we didn't BD yesterday because we have done it like clockwork up until yesterday. Also, sorry if TMI but this morning CM seems not to be so opaque and little creamier. I don't know how quickly it is meant to change from EWCM but I can notice a difference today.

By the way, Mel's new OB seems fantastic, you are right about the 7 + vials (lol) I am sure she will pop in later to give you all the details.

Also babe, sorry hon I didn't realise Audrey was a NY day baby. Please just know that I will be thinking of you and your Angel and sending you warm, fuzzy :hug:

Take care
Spring Angel

Hey everyone,

Well I have found myself a new OB. I saw Mark Umstad yesterday and he is wonderful. He was really sensitive and realised how difficult it is to talk about. My last OB told me he hadn't seen any patient in my situation for about 5-6 years, whereas Dr Umstad said he sees about 15 patients per year in the same circumstances. He said he does need me to have some tests done before I get pregnant again (I am in my TWW at the moment though and have :crossfingers:). Yesterday I had some bloods done and they ended up taking 33ml for a million different tests. I also have to have a saline infusion hysterogram but they are booked up until Feb and I need to have it done day 5-9 of my cycle so I worked out what it SHOULD be then and have booked for 12 Feb, apparently it is to check that my uterus is a normal shape. He said if I am not pregnant this month he would like me to hold off trying in January and resume again in Feb just so I can have all of these tests done.

After seeing him I think the best decision I have made in my life is to change OBs, he made me realise my last OB had no idea what he was doing. He asked me all about Nicholas and I told him he was born at 36w1d weighing 5lb9oz and he said "so he was on the smaller side", and I said "no my OB told me he was a good size for his dates". I also told him that the ultrasound I had at 34 weeks (2 weeks before I lost him) he was in the 50th percentile for everything. So he looked up on this chart thing and said that at birth he was in the 25th percentile which means he had slowed in growth in that last two weeks. He said it may mean there was a problem and that he didn't just die suddenly like my OB said. That made me a little upset because then I started thinking maybe I should have felt reduced movement or known that something was wrong but I honestly had no idea. But also on the other hand I was glad to hear that maybe we had hope of finding a reason. He went through all of the known causes of placental abruption and he doesnt think he will find a cause but he is basically ruling out things. He has said he gives me a 99% chance of delivering a healthy baby in my next pregnancy which made me feel so much better, he said he is completely confident so in turn I feel alot more confident. He also said he wants me to see a psychologist and so has referred me to a lady he recommends, as well as a dietician to get me eating properly. He also wants me to take 5mg Folic Acid daily starting yesterday (Spring forgot to tell you that last night) as well as continuing my Elevit.

I have to admit after leaving there I started feeling a little angry towards my previous OB who at my 6 week check up told me he didn't need to see me again and just to call and make an appointment to see him when I get pregnant. I asked him about testing before I get pregnant and he said there was no need because they had done lots of tests after I gave birth and they were all normal, and that it was just bad luck and there was ONLY 25% chance of it happening again (25% chance to me sounded high but he didn't seem to think so). On top of that to have just found out that Nicholas had slipped from 50th percentile to 25th percentile in the last 2 weeks when the other OB had told me he was a good size just makes me feel so angry towards him, but also grateful that I listened to the advice of others and my gut. I just had that uneasy feeling that something wasn't right and after listening to all of you girls I decided I need to do something. He did tell me that the way it is going to work though is that I do everything he tells me to do, if I have suggestions it is fine but if he doesn't agree that is the final word. He said if I can do that, he can help me deliver a healthy baby. I can live with that I think.

Anyway, sorry for going on but I am pretty excited now. I don't mind not trying next month, I have to trust in him that he knows what he is doing. And honestly, I believe he does.

Spring - I wouldn't worry about skipping last night, it's not like you have to be like clockwork and do it the same time every day... Plus, I am sure you scored a few brownie points by giving him a nice wake up call ;) Hopefully it made up for the neglect last night, lol.

Bec - Thank you so much for the recommendation, I am forever grateful :) You are right, he is a very nice man and his secretary was lovely. I have so much confidence in him and I have only met him once. And you were right, so many vials I was wondering if the vein would collapse, lol. But I survived, needles don't bother me much, I can't watch it go on cause it makes it hurt more but it is pretty cool watching all the blood spurt out.

Anyway, everyone take care. Bec :hugs: for NY day, I will be thinking of you and Audrey.

Mel

I can't believe it - I wrote the longest post and the whole thing was lost!!! I will begin again...

Clare: Congratulations!!!! :happyforyou: this is the best news to end the year on!!!!! YIPPPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you have begun a run of :bfp: in here! How are you feeling? I bet you have a huge smile on your face!!!!

Spring: I am sorry that you have been feeling so so sad. This time of year personifies all emotion I think. I know that Harrison would have been smiling down on you over this time.
OPK"s can be frustrating little numbers sometimes! Remember when using them that you should ideally test at the same time each day. 2pm is thought optimal. Make sure you hold your wee for a few hours prior to the test and don't drink huge amounts during that time. We all have Lutenising hormone in our bodies all the time. The LH surge occurs 12-48 hours prior to ovulation and this is when the test strip will be as dark as or darker than the control line. (some women have difficulty getting a true positive but a really dark line indicates that the LH surge is about to happen or has just happened)
It is true to say that in a *normal* cycle womenhave a 14 day LP (luteal phase is the period of time from ovulation to menstruation). However many women have shorter LP (Me!)a LP under 12 days can cause a few problems. It is wise to keep testing but I would suggest that you probably ovulated on cd14 so therefore a opk on cd14 would be negative as the surge would have occured 12-24 hours prior. I hope so much that this is your month and that a bfp will be yours in the next couple of weeks!

Mel: It sounds like you have found a doctor who will really listen to you and investigate. I am sooo happy for you. I truly understand the anger and frustration when you learn things that you didn't know. You need to know though Mel that there was nothing that you could do. There are often no signs. I am really glad you are trusting your intuition and really seeking out answers. You will feel more empowered and confident. This is the greatest lesson I have learnt from this journey. To really listen to my intuition - that little voice... When I lost my angels and started asking questions I felt certain that it was remarkable that Eva (my 2 year old) was born 3lbs lighter than her siblings. It's a big disparity especially given Ihad gestational diabetes. My ob laughed it off and told me I should feel lucky she was so small. The obs I interviewed held the view that she was small perhaps due to a clotting disorder beginning back then. One went so far as to say he thought we were lucky to have her. I *knew* this but I deferred my inner voice to the voice of the specialist. I think there is space for knowledge and intuiition and women are good with intuition!
I hope you are feeling a little happier sweet woman and I am thinking of you...

Kirsty: Not many sleeps now until your appointment! It must be exciting and a little scary too??? Will they do the hysteroscopy onthe day? It's so quick and very painless.

Bec: New Years Day is Audreys day. I will be thinking of you both and sending you my love...

WEll we had a lovely Christmas with lots of presents, food and fun. It was very special. I got my period on boxing day. I knew I wasn't pregnant as I had been POAS (yep I am another that needs to join a 12 step programme for POAS!!!!!) and I was really fine with it. I was relieved to know my LP was 12-13 days (depending on ovulation) so the clomid has been successful at increasing my LP and my progesterone. I hope that this coming cycle I am blessed with another little blossom that stays for 9 month and is born hollering...

I am sorry I haven't been around. My SIL made a surprise visit and there hasn't been time for anything but entertaining!!!!

I will pop back tomorrow and chekc on all of you... :hug:

Hi girls,

Just a quick post as we are minding my girlfriends 3 children today/night..... I now know what its like to have 4 kids!!! I must say I don't mind it to much.

Clare Congrats on your BFP:confetti:. What a wonderful chrissy present, prays for a wonderful next 8 months and holding that little buba!

Bec Thinking of you over the next couple of days... lots of love to you. And yes red wine did seam to help right through till boxing day!

Deb Glad to hear your chrissy went well. sorry re no BFP but 2007 is comming soon!!!! bring it on. Did you say that you are taking pred. if so when did you start taking them. Also prog pessarys do you know anything about them - do they increase blood levels of prog?

Mel Glad to hear about your new ob.He seams to be doing all the tests which will rule out anything normal or not, you must be feeling a little more at ease. Thanks for the birthday wishes, DH tried so hard god love him.

Spring I think we should use the moto try try and try again. I keep doing the dirty dance till AF arrives! Hope all works well and we hear good news soon.

Kristy Good luck with hysterscopy.

T anyone I forgot, hope you are all well and santa was good to you. Chrissy wasn't to bad I made it through the day, DH said I should get an oscar... but my neighbour did tell us she is expecting in august. I did very well to cong them and now have both side of me expecting one with twins! We spent a couple of days after christmas at my parents farm which was great - now well rested.

Wishing you all a wonderful new year with many great things to coming for all of you wonderful women. Thank you all for helping me through some of the hardest times I have faced in seven years.... Im not sure there are words for people like you who care so much. Thank you.:hugs:

Must go DH wants to know if he has to do it all today!!!!! MEN.

Hey Flowerchild I am glad that you are back and had a great Christmas. To be honest, I missed your posts because you always seem to offer such reassuring advice. Wow, now I am a HPT, OPK and BB addict :eek: I have to admit though, doesn't it just make you insane when you lose a long post. That happened to me a week or so ago and I just had to turn off the computer and walk away before I smashed it to bits (lol) I am sorry to hear that you got AF but as the amazing women that you are, you seem to have taken it in your stride. I don't know much about how clomid works, but I am really happy to hear that you seem to be getting results. I have everything crossed for a NY :bfp: Thanks also for the tips about OPK's. I have been testing twice a day 10am and 2pm and there has been nothing, zilch, so I think that means that I must have O'd when I thought I did. Even though I am going away for work I am going to keep testing just to make sure that my LP isn't short like you mentioned.


Dream: Wow, four kids, that sounds like a handful but I am so envious. I love just hanging out with children, they are the best company. Congrats on getting through Chrissy in one piece. It must have been really hard having all those expecting women around you, but you are a wonderful women for being happy for them. Enjoy the time with the kiddies.

Bec: As I said in my last post, I will spend some quiet time on NY Day remembering your little angel baby. Please know that your family will be in my thoughts. How are the phantom pregnancy symptoms going? Are they getting any more real. I have everything crossed for you.

Kirsty: Hey hun, I don't know when your appoinment is but I know it is soon. Just want to say that I am a big sook when it comes to doctors so I am sending brave vibes your way. Hope all is well and you get some fantastic results :) and even better a NY BFP.

Mel: Thanks for the heads up on the folate. I think that I will wait until I go to the Ob in Sydney (that is once I decide on one) to see what they say. I am just so happy for you that you have found this OB and I am really greatful that you are going to ask him for his opinions on Sydney OBs. Hey and watch our Melbourne tonite, Mel has a Margarhita machine and is not afraid to use it (lol)


Well me, I am just having a quite day until we go to a friends house later tonight. I am going back to work on Tuesday and to be honest I am really nervous. I will be in Canberra so it is good because I don't really know many of the work people down there because before Harrison I was based in Brisbane. I just know that there will be some tears but I am looking forward to getting back into it and occupying my mind. I have had a splitting headache for the last two days and don't usually get them so of course my warped mind is wondering, could this be a symptom? I am only going to have a few light beers tonight and am too scared to take anything for my headache just incase.

Anyway, I just want to wish every single one of you a wonderful and peaceful NY. Bec, please know that although most people will be toasting in the NY, I will also be thinking of Audrey, and say a little wish for her and all our angel babies. Heres to 2007 and a run of :bfp:

After I lost Harrison and his twin I really fought to see life's purpose, but ever since I stumbled across BB, I have been so inspired, comforted and encouraged by your stories, your courage and your spirits. Words will never be enough to thank you and I can't wait for a year filled to the brim with blessings and happy endings.

Love
Spring Angel

Hi girls,
Well it seems it is all so quiet in here and bam.
Mel: I'm so excited for you as you said to my prev obst I was a freak of nature requiring meetings of all the local obst to try and figure out what was wrong with me with in 20 minutes Mark told me exactually what was wrong and how we could fix it and he did... marvalous man.
Spring: Fingers crossed girly hope the next weeks fly...and my thanks for remembering my Audrey I havent been to a NY celebration since...its hard when everyone forgets except me and DH. Have a nice night lets toast in some amazing god luck and plenty of BFP..lol thinking me and Mel might have to fall pregnant at the same time so I have someone to talk to in the waiting room.
Deb: I'm so sorry that Santa couldnt make that special delievery this year ((Hugs)). Dont you love suprise visits
Nat: Wow 3 children, that sounds challenging!! Your Chrissy sounds lovely at the farm...7 years that is heartbreaking I hope we can all cheer you along next year.
Hmm just got back from the markets, DH had yes HAD to play golf, I really wouldnt mind if he made lots of money from it but as it is he is a hack lol. It was soooo touristy making a mental note never to do it again during the holidays. Feeling relaxed but complelled to do something for Audrey nothing sad just something to remember her. Ohh well I'm sure I will come up with something DH idea would be to go and throw rocks at my prev obst house hmm not a bad idea but not legal lol
Next year is going to be a great year....it has to be
Bec

Hiya lovely ladies, no where else I wanted to be but here (have already taken James to see the kids fireworks earlier tonite & now he is curled up asleep on the couch where he was waiting to see more fireworks on TV & DH is at work) to wish you all a happy New Year & may 2007 bring us all the happiness we all deserve!!

I want to thank each & every one of you who is making some sort of journey in here for sharing their highs & lows & supporting each other in a way that no-one else can (although it would be my deepest wish that no-one should ever have to experience what we have), your support means the world to me & I appreciate it beyond mere words. You have all managed to bring me to tears & make me smile many a time. It is my deepest wish that next year is a brilliant year for all who journey a path in here with many happy moments shared.

Spring just for you sweets my appt is this Thursday at 4:20pm.

HAPPY NEW YEAR GORGEOUS ONES!!!!!!!!!

This is it for us women of amazing strength - it is OUR year. We are going to grow healthy strong babies in our bellies and push them out into our arms THIS YEAR!!!!!!


Dream: I am on 20mgs of prednisone. I commenced it about 5 weeks ago. From all I have learnt it is preferrable to have it on board for about 4-6 weeks prior to conception. That is the NK cell theory and also seems to have relevance to the APL theory too. I decided on this in cooperation with my new obs after lengthy research by both of us and my consult with Dr S. I am also on cartia one a day and the 5mgs of folate b12,b6 fish oil, vitamin c, zinc and elevit. My husband is on zinc, folate, b12, b6 and fish oil. I have seen some evidence to suggest that the folate b12,b6 is important for the male component as well!
Prog pessary's are a little controversial with some. I havaent' seen a lot of evidence that suggests that they increase serum progesterone levels. As you know progesterone is the first hormone that drops when a miscarriage happens or a baby dies inutero. It is thought the lower progesterone levels are indicative of an "unviable" (I don't like how that sounds but you know what I mean) pregnancy. Low progesterone levels mid cycle do have an impact on weather a pregnancy will sustain howevear this will depend on implantation and just how low the progesterone is.
Having said this I believe they are quite harmless and if you feel they may help I would go with it girl!!!
I have to run, we are having a NYD party this afternoon and I am supposed to be baking (woops!). We went to Mooloolaba last evening for the kiddies fireworks and Chris and I aeven managed to see in the New Year with a hot chocolate! I will be having some bubbly this afternoon though!!!!!
I will come in tomorrow and answer everyone else.
Great to see you back Michelle!!!!
Bec, Kirsty and Dream big NYD hugs,

Well glad to see the back of 2006 - Welcome with open arms 2007! :confetti:

We had a nice night with my sister, BIL, parents, nephew and baby niece. We sat around watching the music chanel on Foxtel, drinking, talking and eating. Call me crazy, but I nearly got teary at midnight cause I was thinking to myself thank god that year is over. Then we drank some more and got home at 4am, and I am completely unashamed to say we only woke up 2 hours ago, lol.

I hope everyone had a nice new NY's and I wish everyone in here the absolute best that life (and bding) can bring, you ALL deserve it so much and I still don't know how I would have gotten through the last (almost) 4 months without your support.

Bec - I am thinking of you and Audrey today :hug: I hope you are doing ok :)

Anyway, will check back later - going to have some Subway right now, hopefully it will treat the slight headache I have.

Love Mel

P.S. Spring - The slushie machine was a success, the margaritas were almost as good as the restaurant :D

Well I tried posting twice today and my stupid computer froze both times so here goes again. I think my computer is trying to give me a hint about how long my posts are (lol)

I hope everyone had a good NYE. We spent a quiet one with friends and at midnight toasted all of our angel babies. :hugs: to your Bec on this special day.

Well I NEED HELP. I have been using the OPKs and thought that I must have ovulated mid cycle but I only ever got really faint lines or nothing at all. Well this morning, lunch and just then I tested again and they are all big dark test lines. What scares me is that I am on day 17 of a 29 day cycle (ignore my ticker, I don't know how to update it) which means that at best my luteal phase is 12 days. Flowerchild, in an earlier post you mentioned that you had a short LP and that it can cause some problems. What sort of problems do you mean? I have searched the trusty internet and the only info I can find is that it can mean that there are problems with implation. What I want to know is could my short LP be the reason that I lost Harrison and his twin. It makes sense that I ovulate late because when I fell pregnant with the twins it wasn't until 5 weeks that I got a BFP and at my first dating scan they put my dates back 7-10 days. I have had copious amounts of fertile CM so we are going to BD today and tomorrow morning before I go to Canberra for the week.

The thing that worries me is that if a short LP can cause defects or m/c - stillbirth (hate that word) I don't want to BD. I am going to see an OB as soon as I get to Sydney. Everything I read says that LP can be from 14 to 10 days so I should be in that range.

I guess I should just be happy that I have used the OPK's otherwise we would have been BDing at the wrong time.

Anyway, I hope the headaches are fading, I can't wait until this time next year and we are up to our necks in dirty nappies and vomit.

Luv
Spring Angel :)

Hi everyone, just wanted to check in and let you know that I am off to Canberra for a week for work and I am not sure how much access to computer I will have, because I can't use the work computer for BB. First week back since having Harrison, I am really nervous so wish me luck. DH just keeps telling me if I cry I have nothing to be embarrased about. He is such a sweety.

I am going to have BB withdrawls, but hopefully I'll be able to find an internet cafe and pop in to say hi. If not, I hope everyone has a wonderful week and there are some :bfp: when I visit again.

Night Ni
Spring Angel

Hi girls,

Well the first thing is good bye 2006 and whooohooo to the new year and new beginnings!! I wish all you beautiful women and families the best that this year can bring, good health, happiness, love and lots of lots of pitter patter, crying and holding of babes in arms as possible. My big wish is for this.

I hope you all had a good NYE, sounds like there was some drinking going on Mel and yes like you, DH and I got out of bed at 12.30pm DS woke at 11.50am!!! He wanted to play PS2 so like the good hung over parents we are we said yes. (not nomally allowed till breakfast and dressed, the look on his face....priceless!!!!) We had a great night spending it with good friends and our kids. Ive been make strawberry daquiers lately so my job was just that on NYE.... boy they were pretty good. I have to admit im loving the holidays, woke this morning to the sound of heavy rain so went right back to sleep only prob DH had to go to back to work so he was running late and only got out of bed 1hr ago when DS came in for a cuddle!!

Spring Good luck with work I will be thinking of you, you are a strong women who can do anything! also where in syd will you be living? I know of a couple of great obs if you want there names, of course DR S that I see is wonderful in everyway, he's both south and eastern suburbs.

Mel Glad to hear you had a good NYE was the subway a help? we had hamburgers....yours sounds a little healthier!

Deb How did your NYD party go? did you get that champers? Thnks for that info, Ive been off pred for about a month, DrS said to start back on them around OD not sure if this was because ive already been on them??? your thoughts.
Last time I was taking them for 8weeks before falling. and with prog. when I get blood test for BHCG and Prog the supp should not make a differance to the serum levels? Im going to have BHCG and Prog taken till after ten weeks next time .... sounds dumb but I want to have everything watched next time. My god if they could put me in hospital for ten weeks and monitor 24-7 I think I would!!!!

Bec I hope you and DH managed to find some peace over the last couple of days :hugs:. Hears to a wonderful 2007 for you both.

Kristy Im sorry you DH was at work but sounds like you and James had a good time at the fireworks. Good luck for Thursday.

Clare Hows it all going? hope your well.

Hello to anyone else I have left out, I hope your NYE was a good one. Well we have started down the long road of TTC somthing DH is very happy about me im a little nervous to say the least my biggest fear if it dosnt work this time, there is nothing more out there they can do for me and the end is near....how do you say thats it, when do you give up, when is enough enough? I just want to be pregnant one more time and sounds ridiculous give birth one more time and hold that baby in my arms and cry tears of joy......one more time. God im sorry for such a downer, need to get it together.
Anyway thankyou one and all for all the support, advise and love that you have shown me since find you wonderful women. I really do wish you all BFP in the next couple of months and babes in arms soon. xxx:hug:

P.s sorry for the long post and downer bit.
P.ss We had a great time with the kids, I wish I could have had three or four I know I know it was only for a day and night but its was fun, a house full of noise and constant feeding. I would just have to go back to work with four to be able to feed them! (Ages 11 10 8 & 7)

Hi Everyone!!!!

Well everyone I am off on holidays tomorrow - up to Hervey Bay until The 13th of Jan. Am I excitied - yessirreee!!!!!!!!!!! It is a wonderful spot absolute beach front. I am looking forward to reading Mother Daughter Wisdom by Christiane Northrup and "The Inheritence of Loss" by Kiran Desai. I can't wait to hang up that hammock!!!
We have the trailer packed so we look a smidge like the Griswalds (eek!)!!!

I am going to miss you all and will be thinking of you and hoping for news of some more BFP's in here in the next short while. I will be hoping for ovulation while we are away so hopefully that sea air and relaxed atmosphere will work wonders for us!
You all know how much I want that for all of you too...
Our NYD party was great fun the kids had a ball and the adults did too!!! It's packing up time here so things are a bit chaotic.

Kirsty: You know I am thinking of you and hoping for a wonderful visit this week with the obs. Things are going to be very different next time my love... You keep believing and I will be sending you lots of positives this week... I look forward to hearing your news when I get back.

Dream: In theory progesterone suppositories raise serum progesterone levels and that's why they are given. They will affect your serum levels. When pregnant you want your progesterone to be up around 100 and to not drop. I understand about the monitoring and you just do what ever you need to do to get you through next time. I know you will be assertive and ask for what you need because that's what we hvae all been taught by our Angel babies isn't it? We need to state what we need and go with our intuition...
What do I think about the Prednisone? EEEEK it's not easy. Prednisone has side affects. YOu know them I am sure. The longer you are on the drug the more likely some of those side affects are... However, from what I have learnt I believe that it's important to be on it prior to conception. However, Dr S is a bit of a legend and I am just a nurse with a bad obstetric history out to save the world!!!!!!!!! The theory behind having prednisone on board is that as you know prednisone is one of those drugs that hangs around a bit in our bodies. We can't just stop it suddenly and likewise often it's best to slowly increase the doseage. Prednisone doesn't have immediate affect on autoimmune response so it makes sense to have it on board for some time. However, if the autoimmune response is only in reaction to pregnancy then perhaps this isn't necessary???? However, we don't know if this autoimmune response is with us in a non pregnant state.... So, perhaps it's better to have it on board.
I have decided to have it on board. I know that my hormone levels were all good in my last pregnancy - my issue seems to be elsewhere as you know. I know that hasn't helped too much but I guess my gut feeling is that it needs to be commenced prior to conception and there have been studies that indicate a better outcome when it's commenced 4-6 weeks priro to conception... Remember though that I am not an expert I can only share what I have learnt from my own research...
I understand just what you say Dream - please believe you WILL hold that baby in your arms. We are all here and we will walk the journey with you. Sending yo all my love my sweet woman.... :hug:

Spring: You can't really tell how long your luteal phase is in advance for this cycle. If you are getting positive opk's yesterday it is likely you will ovulate 12-48 hours from then. So yesterday, today and tomorrow you get jiggy with it!!!! So, generally the obs will say if you got an +opk yesterday then you take today as your ovulation day. So, if you have a 12 day LP you would expect your period around the 14th of Jan.
A 12 day LP is not really an issue Spring. A short LP will not cause a baby to be born sleeping. It can cause early pregnancy loss or chemical pregnancies. This is because by the time the implantation process has begun the process of menstruation has been triggered and the hormones lowered so that you bleed. Shortened LP can and does cause very early loss but not "stillbirth" or later miscarriage so please rest assured that this is not the case. My LP was 11 days and I had 2 early losses. This is why I commenced on clomid (clomid increases progesterone levels among other things and thererfore increases the LP).
Again 12 days is thought to be acceptable - having a progesterone level taken (blood test) 7 days after you ovulated will tell you if your progesterone levels are adequate if you need this reassurance.
I hope that has helped some. I always find opk's helpful it takes a bit of the guesswork out of it for me. Like you I ovulate later in my cycle too. I have always been a cd17-19 kinda girl! I wish you a big fat positive this month Spring... Enjoy your week in Canberra and I hope you catch that Egg!

Bec: I was thinking of you and Audrey yesterday. I hope that yesterday was okay. :hug:

Mel: All my love to you. I know you are in the TWW - I hope it's the last TWW you have for some time. If not then that new obs and the new year are sure to bring some great news... :hug:

Take care gorgeous women and I will see you on the 14th!!!! :hug:

Afternoon girls,

Just popped back to let of some anger:angry: Now please tell me if im wrong, but my neighbour who told us she pregnant chrissy day, sons has chicken pox, I told her to ring ob and let them know, they sent her for blood works to check BUT it was what she said that "when you miscarry early she thinks it for a good reason, that something must have been wrong"!!!!! I think it being followed up by "well you know when a friend of ours had a miscarriage she was so upset" That got to me the most. She knows my situation and none of my babies have had anything wrong with them just my dame body is not doing its job! My god what does she think of my who is trying so hard to keep it together after 6weeks and 6days not that im counting!!!

Yes I can see her point but why do people who have never had to experience something so devastating come out with such sweeping statements. I only hope that her test come back fine and this is something she will not have to deal with.

Im sorry but it drives me mental and yes Im a little tense with the whole try again thing BUT..........anyway thank you for listening I feel a little better. I hope you all have a wonderful night im now going to endeavour to find somthing to cook for dinner, must go food shopping tomorrow! And Deb im very jealous of your holiday sounds great have lots of fun, sun and make babies love.

Oh Dream,
I am so sorry that your neighbour is such an air head. I hope she doesn't have to face anything awful too. A couple of people said that too me too. Along with maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't have any more. Unfortunately it's people who have never suffered the devastation of losing a baby that are so very emotionally handicapped. It makes me angry too. :hugs: beautiful woman and I hope you feel a little better now...
Thanks for your good wishes - I hope to make a baby too!!!!

Hey Everyone,

OMG!!!!!! Today is turning out to be the best day I have had for a very long time :D I got a phone call from my new ob at about 10.30am telling me he had the blood test results... and they found something :happyforyou:

I have Anticardio Lipin antibody and as soon as he told me I remembered I was told about it on BB. He said I have only low to medium levels but that he can say without a doubt that was the cause of Nicholas' death, and it would also account for his drop from 50th percentile to 25th percentile in the last 2 weeks - which my last ob didn't even pick up. I cried after I hung up the phone, but for the first time in the last four months (4 months on Friday anyway) I cried happy tears - happy that now I can stop blaming myself for pulling myself up on the bench the night I lost him and deep down believing I had killed him, until today - also happy that I have some reasons and answers and that I did the right thing changing obs and maybe that means I am a good mum cause I did everything I could to look after my next baby, even though I couldn't look after Nicholas - I just didn't know anything was wrong though cause all of my tests came back find (apparently, I am starting to wonder now though). My ob said because I will be treated with a low dose of aspirin in my next pregnancy, and with closer monitoring by him and more frequent ultrasounds and blood tests there is no reason why I can't deliver a healthy baby next time (although obviously no guarantees can be given, but I still think it's something to feel positive about). He said he still wants me to have the Saline Infusion Hysterogram but simply as a precaution, he thinks he has found the answers already and that it will show a normal uterus but wants to be 100% positive that this antibody thing is the only problem. I trust he knows what he is doing so I will jump on one leg if he tells me it's for the best, lol.

The only other thing the blood test showed is that I am not immune to chicken pox and apparently that may be because I had it 11 months old and you don't build immunity to until after 12 months. So, I need to have a vaccination but because I am in my TWW I need to wait and see if I either get a bfp or AF. If I get bfp he said I have to very careful in next pregnancy to not come in contact with the virus, but if I get AF I have to get vaccination asap and not try for 6-8 weeks afterwards. He did say he doesnt think that has anything to do with losing Nicholas but that since they have picked it up I may as well take care of the problem so I will not be at risk next time if I do happen to come into contact with the virus.

I was happy after seeing him on Friday, but now I just feel so lucky that I went to him (Thanks again Bec, you have no idea how grateful I am). My last ob didn't think I needed any tests and my new ob says that untreated I have a medium chance of it happening again, probably doesn't sound high but it's high enough that I am not taking that chance. You know what, without having found BB and all of you wise, wonderful women I would have probably ignored that inner voice telling me to seek help and I will never forget what everyone has done for me - I thank you all from the bottom of my heart :hug:

DH is now feeling very angry towards last ob and wants to ring him and have a go. I have discouraged him though, I said we need to focus on the positives and just be glad we aren't going back to him. I don't think we will get anywhere ringing and abusing him, plus in the long run it isn't going to make us feel any better so we just need to let it go.

Anyway, sorry I know I have gone on a bit but I am just over the moon today and ready to look forward to welcoming a new baby with open arms. I know that feeling may only last for today and tomorrow or next week or whenever I may fall in a heap again, but I am happy to go with it while I can.

Bec - I hope you are going ok and that you got through Audrey's birthday as best as possible.

Deb - I hope you have a great relaxing holiday with your family, I hope your kids have a ball and I hope you can get to work on creating the next addition to your family.

Nat - I'm sorry about your neighbour being so thoughtless and insensitive, I truly believe that is one positive thing that comes along with such heartache in your life (if anything positive can come of it that is), it teaches you compassion and love for other people, as well as empathy for people hurting inside like or similar to how you are. Unfortunately (or fortunately for her), this lady has no idea what it feels like to go through what you have and I have heard plenty of people saying that to others that I know and I know it upsets them too, I don't understand how they can think anything like that would happen for a GOOD reason as nothing GOOD can come of much wanted babies loss, especially when the number of losses you have had makes it that much more heartbreaking. Don't take her comments to heart, you know how it feels inside and also that you are entitled to feel it so who cares what she says or thinks - easy to say I know :hugs: I wish you all the very best as your start you TTC journey yet again. I hope with all my heart you get that little bundle you so desperately want. Oh and the subway went down pretty well, I am sure the chocolate I pigged out on after that contributed too, lol.

Kirsty - Good luck and all the best for your appointment tomorrow, let us know how you get on.

Spring - I know you can't read posts at the moment but all the same I hope you are doing well in Canberra and good luck with ob recommendation from Mark Umstad.

Clare - How are you doing? I hope you are fit and healthy, and enjoying knowing that little bubba is growing inside.

To anyone I haven't mentioned, I hope you are all well and take care of yourselves.

Love Mel

P.S. Off the subject - went to movies last night and saw The Holiday ... Great movie, very funny, bit of a chick flick but DH still enjoyed it. If anyone is thinking of seeing it, I recommend. Got quite a few well known people in it, and of course Jude Law is pretty nice to look at so that alone makes it worthwhile.

Hi girls,
Oh Mel I got all goosebumpy reading your post it is so similar to my first meeting with Mark...I can honestly say with all my heart he will do everything possible to give you a heathy bub. I know those happy tears and DH lol always wants to throw things at my old obst.
Talking about throwing things DEB if you run into my relos that way piff something at them..oh guee how rude ;)Have a nice relaxing holiday
Kirsty:Good luck tomorrow, fingers crossed you have some positive news
Nat: Hmm your neighbours sounds delightful, people can be so insensitive, I'm sure some people just dont get it. I once had a complete stranger tell me that I was lucky because if my baby had survived it would prob be damaged.
Spring:I hope you find that cyber cafe in Camberra :)
We had a quiet NYE as we always do these days and NYD I had a bottle of champagne with my MIL and talked about Audrey. But she started to put the hard word on me regarding seeing pictures. We are very sensitive about it as some people wouldnt see the beauty in them I know she is MIL and she is supportive but only DH and I have seen them. DH told her no ...but I saw she was generally upset, I think she wants to see if there is a similarity to DD which there isnt anyway.
Oh enough of me...it is sooooo hot awaiting for my gyn to get back from holidays hmm abit rude this whole holiday period and getting your period at the same time.
pfft its so hot lol I have said that already
Bec

Hi all you beautiful women.

Oh Mel, I am so so happy for you, this would have to be the best news ive heard in a while, there is nothing better then finding out FOR SURE that there was a problem that casued Nicholas to watch from heaven, even when we all new you were the best mum possible... I totally understand where you are coming from. I am so very happy for you to have found someone you can trust, it makes a big differance to the whole mental side of this road! Now i wish for a big fat BFP!!! Thanks for your support on "The Comment" I was sort of thinking maybe im a little......sensitive.

Deb Thankyou also for the support, im sure you are right now resting up or should I say snuggling up to your DH making babies!

Bec It sounds like you had a little celebration for you precious baby girl, Im sure she was there with you.....I find by closing me eyes and putting my hand on my heart I can always feel little wings fluttering........and I smile. You will know if and when its time to show the photos to anyone else, its all about time, dont feel bad for holding it so close to you both. My prays are with you.

To all you other beautiful women Hi and I hope you are all well, Kristy GOOD LUCK:hug:. Im of to bed before DH is alseep and to put my DS who has a friend sleeping over for the night to sleep for the last time tonight!!!! and yes it after 11pm Im not sure why they call it asleep over, it should be keep your parents awake all night!

Hi everyone,

I am new to this thread (hope you don't mind me joining in). I think it is wonderful the support that you give each other and I am looking for some support as my DH and I have decided to try again. We lost our precious little son Cooper the end of last year.

For some reason I feel guilty for trying again so soon but I know that Cooper will love to have a little brother or sister that he can watch over and protect.

I really want to fall pregnant again but I am so scared at the same time. My ob said that a cord accident is so rare so for it to happen again is very unlikely. I can't seem to get it out of my head that there is a chance that it could happen again. I can't go through the past 5 weeks again.

I struggled to fall pregnant with Cooper and eventually did on Clomid so my ob has suggested that I use Clomid again.

Look forward to chating with you all on what will hopefully be a happy ride for all of us in 2007.

Hi Lynn, sadly welcome to Bb and this thread. I remembered your precious son's name Cooper Nathan.I remember I spoke to you last year and I hope you find support here.:hug: I can't say I hope you got through Christmas/New Year okay because I can imagine it wasn't how you planned you would be spending it without Cooper.

All these beautiful women can understand and feel their pain at losing a precious baby

I know that the timing for all of us is unique.Many people try again very soon after - only they recommend you don't end up ttc so a new baby is born the same month etc but that is entirely up to you.Don't feel guilty for wanting a baby to fill your empty arms and ease the heartbreak.

I personally felt that we must make the most of every opportunity and we can still honour our angel no matter how soon we try again.
We had infertiltiy for 12 years prior to falling pg with Charlotte - then we tried after 3 months on our own , then straight to IVF (age).

They wouldn't want us to be so miserable ,so we can't have the hope and joy of knowing a new baby.Never to replace them.

:heartbeat: Trish
"~♥~ DD Charlotte Rose 1/9/04 26wks ~♥~"
Samuel & Joel God's Gifts 1st July 06