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Thread: TTC after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth after the 1st trimester ~ Jan 07

  1. #73

    Join Date
    Jul 2006


    Thinking of you Kirsty, assuming that you got the go-ahead as we haven't seen you! Hope all went well, let us know how you are when you feel up to it.

  2. #74

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    home sweet home.


    Hi Kirsty, I hope that everything worked out for you today. I am assuming that because you haven't been back that the hysteroscopy went ahead. I know what it is like to want to just get something over and done with. I don't know much about what the procedure involves but I hope that you aren't in any discomfort and that the results are what you want. Let us know how you are going when you are up to it. Oh and happy 40 belated birthday to DH, from the sounds of it he had a great party.

    Mel: I got totally confused when I set up my ticker also and I have no clue what is going on with yours. OPKs were sent to frustrate us but if you got a dark test line then I would take that as a +ive. I think that Bding until mid week is a good idea just incase. I am sure DH won't object. About your birthday, I can relate to the fact that you thought you would be spending your 30th as a Mum but hey, I don't need to tell you babe that you are a Mum and an amazing one at that. I am trying really hard to think of a special pressy but I have a bit of time yet so I might have to spend a few lunches shopping in Sydney, not that I'm complaining. Oh and about my BP, I haven't cut out all salt but I have drastically cut it down. I am convinced now my high BP is stress related because eveytime DH takes it is fine.

    Well I am not feeling sick yet, although I wasn't sick at all with Harrison so maybe I will get away without it. To be honest I wouldn't mind some symptoms just so I know everything is ok. The only symptoms so far are major increase in creamy CM (sorry if TMI) and that I am really tired even after a full nights sleep. My first appointment isn't until 13 feb when I will be 9 weeks. I also have an earlier appointment booked on 29 and one on 31 with two different obs. The one I really want to go with is on holidays and that is why I can't get in until 13 however I might go to the appointment on the 29 just to have a scan even if I don't end up going with that ob. I don't know, some part of me just wants to leave it until the 13 but I will see how I feel later in the week before cancelling any appointments.

    Anway washing has just finished so I'd better hang it out. Hey to all you wonderful women out there. I hope you are all well.

    Love Spring

  3. #75
    kerry Guest


    Spring - CONGRATULATIONS... I am so very happy for you and your DH. Don't worry about not feeling sick... lots of pg women don't! Feeling exhausted, even after a full nights sleep is such a great symptom so don't worry about the no ickiness... hell give me fatigue over prayers to the toilet god any day. I am just so happy for you, oh I said that didn't I.

    Mel - You are a mum, you held your precious baby and you have photos. Just because your angel has already gone to a better place doesn't make you any less of a mum. Will be thinking of you for your Birthday and wishing that you get the best present of all.

    Kirsty - hope everything went well.

    Everyone else - hope you are all doing ok.

    OK now for me.. I got to spend 7 hours in the hospital getting iv fluids and anti/b's. They were talking about maybe a course of dialysis just to try and take the pressure off my infected kidneys but I opted to give the meds a try first, besides I had too many things to do for Brigid's birthday. Have been really down and tired the past few days and have spent time each morning and night at outpatients for monitoring but am doing ok. I know the weather was bound to catch up with me sooner or later so have just been waiting for it to hit which means I cought it early enough to avoide being stuck in hospital which when your a single mum is the last place you want to be. Bridie has some health problems (low absorption rate and levels for iron) and has been on iron injections and monitoring since she was 3 months old. Anyway she had her 12 month review and instead of admitting her for some tests to try and work out what was happening they have decided to 'test' a theory and just let her go for the next 3 months and see how she goes. She will still need a monthly blood test but not all the other needles so that was some good news.

    Oh I should say, if anyone gets upset by me mentioning Bridie please just tell me and I wont mention her. I fell bad when I do mention stuff about her and would understand if you don't want to hear it at this time. Please, please just let me know so I can adjust posts.

    Anyway.... heaps and heaps of sticky vibes and baby dust to everyone who needs it... it seems like a new year, new beginnings, new opertunities.

  4. #76
    clare076 Guest


    Spring, you are more than welcome to some of my m/s.

    Kerry I think I can speak for everyone here, when I say noone will take offense to you talking about your DD, she is part of your life and you should feel comfortable talking about her. Poor little thing needing those iron injections - ouch. I have the same problem as Bridie but I am not a 3 months old having injections, and those things are horrible.

    Kirsty I hope all went well today, when you are up to it (or if anyone else can explain) what is involved in the actual procedure you are having done? I have never heard of it before.

    Mel and Dream hope you are both well.

    Lynn - how did you go with the garden, bet it turned out lovely.

    Nothing new for me, still pukey. I quit work today. Just had enough of putting up with the stress and feeling sick doesn't help. Only 17 days until my next scan.

  5. #77
    kirsty Guest


    Hi girls just a quickie, I am back (obviously) & still a bit sore & uncomfy.

    For those that asked a hysteroscopy is where they insert a tiny camera into your uterus to make sure that all is ok in there ~ no defects in the lining which may hinder a placenta implanting or bands or anything that may hinder a baby growing properly. So they knock you out (general anaesthetic) & then they dilate your cervix & off they go, I think they also did a D&C while they were there (can't remember if they said they did or not when I spoke to the Dr in recovery).

    So now today I am a bit sore & bloated a bit like having a really bad period & all the pains associated with it. But will get there slowly.

    Thanx for all thinking of me & I think I remember the Dr saying all looked normal while they were in there!! But will know for sure at our follow up appt on Feb 12th.

    Back later when I can sit still longer more comfortably.

  6. #78

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    home sweet home.


    Kerry, Ouchie for your little girl having injections, she sounds much tougher than me, whenever I have a needle I have to lie down for half an hour or I pass out :eek: I hope you are feeling better also sweets. Make sure you take really good care of yourself, I know it is a busy time for you but take as much time out as you can afford. Also about Bridgid, I am sure everyone here would say that they love kids to bits and we really enjoy hearing about life as a mother. Don't ever feel that you have to shy away from talking about her

    Kirsty: Another ouchie for you sweets but you sound like another toughie and I am glad for you that it is finally over. It is a relief to hear that the Doctor said it all looked good so hopefully he can confirm the exact details at your next appointment. Hope that you don't feel so tender for long.

    Clare: kudos to you babe for quitting work. I agree you don't need the stress. Hey if you want to send some of that ms my way I won't complain. When did you start feeling sick? I can't tell if I feel sick or just off because I am so darn nervous. You always want what you can't have hey. Seriously though, I hope the icky feeling subsides really soon. Yay, 17 sleeps to your next scan, I bet you can't wait to see that strong heartbeat pumping away again.

    Well me I have an appointment with my GP next Tuesday and then the Ob in 21 sleeps for my first scan because he is on holidays until then. I was a bit bummed about not having a scan until 9 weeks but I had so many scans with Harrison I figure this will be something different with this pregnancy, hopefully I can avoid the transvaginal also which will be a bonus. I know it is superstitious to want this pregnancy to be different, but oh well and just thinking about scans makes me feel like passing out so the less the better I guess.

    Anway, DH is cooking dinner tonight so I am going to put my feet up and relax for a while, I am so darn tired at the moment but am having trouble sleeping because I have been thinking about Harrison heaps. So although my eyelids feel like lead I am sure I will be back later for a pop in.

    Hugs to everyone else and I hope to hear from you soon.


  7. #79
    clare076 Guest


    Hi girls

    Kirsty, thanks for explaining that, sounds painful! Hope you are ok and resting as much as you can.

    Spring, I think my morning sickness really hit at around 5 and a half weeks but has been getting progressively worse. It doesn't start in the morning until I eat and then its bad all day / all night. I am definately not complaining, I would hate not to have it I just need to find something that will take the edge off it.

    Hugs and kisses to you all

  8. #80


    Hey everyone,

    Sorry I have been MIA for a few days.

    Mel - to be perfectly honest, that post freaked me out. I think I am thinking about it too much and it is upsetting. I am just not going to think about it anymore (well try not to anyway).
    I can totally understand how you must be feeling with your birthday coming up. I feel exactly the same way. I started trying for a baby when I was 26 so I thought I would have 2 by now................turning 29 without an earth baby makes me realise that life never turns out the way you want it to. I just hope I can give DH an earth baby before he turns 30 in October (how's that for pressure on myself!!!!)

    Spring - I am so glad that you are not feeling sick. I must admit I had the worst 'all day' sickness with Cooper for about 6 weeks. It was terrible because no-one knew I was pregnant so I had to pretend that I was ok. I hope your BP is ok now. I bet you can't wait for the scan so you can see the little bean. I can't wait to hear all about it.
    How was dinner? Wow you were lucky, DH cooking. How's Frank going - I hope he has learnt to drink more. How have you settled into Sydney? When does DH start working in Canberra? I'm not sure if you know many people here but if you ever want to catch up let me know - here is my email address - naylynn2001 @ Thank you so much for saying that every shining star is a smile from Cooper - that is beautiful. That is so beautiful what you sister did for you. I promise if I ever get up early enough to see the sun rise, I will make a wish for Harrison. Actually every time I see the sun, I will think of you little angel.

    Jo - It definitely doesn't upset me that you talk about Bridie so please continue to. I hope she is ok - the poor thing having all those injections. She has probably got used to them by now and is probably so brave.....not like me. I still hate needles and can never look when I am having one. I must say I have got better, probably has something to do with the amount of needles I have had in the past year. I hope the meds are helping you and that you are feeling ok - thinking of you

    Clare - hope you aren't feeling too sick. Good on you for quitting work. Put yourself first.....I like it! I did the same thing last year. I had been at my job for 8 years and was just so stressed with it, working long hours, travelling and adding to it the fact that I couldn't fall pregnant so I quit. I finished at the beginning of March and by mid March BINGO! I was pregnant. I don't know if it was just a coincident but I like to look at it that I was relaxed and stress free and that is why it happened. I guess that is why DH and I have decided that I won't go back to work now. Hopefully it can happen again. Good luck with your scan, I will be counting the days and thinking of you

    Kirsty - I hope you are feeling a bit better tonight. That is great news that the Dr said it all looked normal, hoping that he can confirm it when you next see him.

    Nat - I know you are not back until Friday but I hope you are having a great time. I have been thinking about you relaxing by the water with a ****tail Thank you so much for making a wish when you saw the Southern Cross - that means so much to me

    Well now for me......I have been a bit all over the place the past few days. I will start with the highs. The weekend (although so hot) was good because we got to do Cooper's memorial garden. It meant so much to me to do it and I am so grateful to DH for being out in the stinking hot to make it happen. It is exactly how I pictured it (although the plants are little small at the moment). It just made me so happy when it was finished. DH said that we deserved a drink when it was finished but I said that I didn't want to but I splurged and had a fizzy drink!!! I'm bad, I know. Anyway, I am just glad that it is done and I have somewhere to go and write in my journal. I have created a website and have pictures of the garden on it, please feel free to view. Thank you to everyone that was thinking about me over the weekend as we were doing the garden.

    Now the you know I had a BT on Friday to see if I had o'd. Well Friday was CD22 and based on all my tests that I have been doing at home they indicate that nothing is happening. I was hoping that I was just doing it all wrong................I rang my OB on Monday to get the results and he confirmed that I didn't O this month. I was so upset because I thought 'here we go again'. Why can't my body just do what it is supposed to do. I would be happier if I had o'd but just missed it but the fact that I am not o'ing again just makes me so upset and puts more blame on myself. DH told me not to stress as this makes it worse but I told him that he wasn't the one with the problem. It is so hard knowing that I am the one with the problem that we can't fall pg. Then just to confuse everything on Saturday my OPK had 2 dark lines and my temp this morning was sky high. I don't know what this all means... Did I O after I had the blood test taken. This would have been very late in my cycle.........but hey I don't know what my cycle is anyway I am seeing my GP tomorrow (because of another issue - I have this weird lump on my back :eek: ) so maybe I will ask her to do a BT to see if I o'd. If anyone can explain any of this, that would be great.

    Hope everyone is well - sorry for the long post. I'll let you know how I get on tomorrow.

  9. #81

    Join Date
    Dec 2006


    Lynn - Cooper's site and garden are both just beautiful. You guys have done such a good job and you've inspired me to do a little garden for my bub. I have been sitting here just bawling after reading all of your poems and quotes. Well done. I am so glad that you have a special place to go and think about your precious boy.

  10. #82


    Thank you so much Bailey. I am so glad that I have inspired you to do a little garden. Ours is only little but it is someone to go.

    Trish - thank you for showing us Charlotte's garden as this is what inspired me to do one for Cooper.

  11. #83


    Hi everyone,

    Lynn - Cooper's garden is beautiful, you guys should be very proud and I am sure Cooper loves it The poems in the journal have me sitting here with tears running down my cheeks, especially "ten tiny toes". We read so many poems planning Nicholas' funeral but I have never read that one, it is one I probably would have chosen. It touches my heart as if I had written it myself. It was nice to see Cooper's hand and foot prints too. How did you create that site? It is beautiful and I would love to do one for Nicholas as I feel it would be honouring his life (as short as it may have been) and also help me.

    Kirsty - Hope you are feeling better today, I am not sure how long you feel uncomfortable for after such a procedure but it sounds like it would defnitely make you feel uncomfy for quite a few days. The dr sounds confident that all was good which is great, I am sure it will be fine on the 12th.

    Clare - Your m/s sounds pretty bad, hopefully you start to feel a little better soon. I wished you m/s when you got your bfp cause its a good sign that everything is going well, but not quite this much... sorry bout that!

    Spring - I thought you had an OB app on 31st? I must have gotten it wrong. Anyway, hope your feeling ok and enjoying your little bean even just a tiny bit cause I know you are probably really anxious as well, I won't wish you morning sickness though cause I did that to Clare and look where she is now! How you settling into Sydney?

    Me - I don't know what's wrong with me, I have had a reasonably good couple of days and went to dinner for my mums birthday on Monday and dinner last night with friends and was fine. Today I have the day off and have slept most of the morning, only got up at 1.00 but feel so tired like I haven't slept at all. I have woken up feeling really depressed and have a massive headache. I keep thinking about Friday and getting really upset. I found out I was pregnant on 26th Jan last year and I wasn't all that happy when I found out because we weren't planning it. I was in shock, and worried about how we would afford to have a baby (that lasted about a day or 2 before I fell in love with the idea). Now I am thinking exactly a year ago I thought this, and today I want my baby with me so much and I would give anything to make that happen but he isn't coming back and I just wish so much that I hadn't had those thoughts a year ago because maybe that is why he is gone, maybe it's my punishment for not being happy when I found out. Imagine how poor little Nicholas felt being inside my tummy thinking he wasn't wanted! So anyway, I don't want Friday to come. What a stupid day to get upset about!

    A year ago on Friday I was wishing I wasn't pregnant and now I want that so desperately and it is just not working. I don't think it will have worked this month either cause we have been trying and yesterday I had this tender feeling in my tummy, almost really severe bloating with occasional cramping sensations, to the point where I am wondering if I am going to get AF early. It really feels like PM symptoms and I am not due until 5 Feb. Today I don't seem to have as much tenderness but it is still there a little, but the headache I have is shocking. But I should stop whinging, there are people worse off than me I know that.

    DH is working late tonight which is just great, the one day I need some company and he has to work late!

  12. #84


    Mel - I have found so much comfort in poems and songs and have search for ones that I feel I could have written because they are about how I am feeling. I am glad that I was able to show you 'Ten Tiny Toes' and that it touched your heart. It touched my heart the first time I read it and it continues to. I think that creating this website has helped me as I am able to show things in Cooper's memory. I can't show him off so I want to show things off that I have done in his memory. I can't watch him grow, but I can now watch his garden grow. This is why the garden was so important to me. Maybe you could do a little garden for Nicholas. I know that it has helped me and now I have somewhere to think, to cry, to talk, whatever. It is my little place. I hope that creating a website helps you and I would love to see it once you have done it. We played 2 songs at Cooper's funeral that I still listen to nearly every day. I want to share them with you - the first one was called 'Fly' by Celine Dion and the second was 'There you'll be' by Faith Hill. I will email them to you so you can hear them. I'm sure that you had songs at Nicholas' funeral and these are very special to you but I wanted to share Cooper's songs with you.

    I hope you are feeling a little bit better now and that your headache has gone. It is a natural reaction to be shocked when you found out that you were pregant if you weren't trying to. Please don't think that any feelings you had in the first few days had anything to do with Nicholas leaving you. It was definitely not punishment. I'm sure that Nicholas knew how much he was wanted by his mummy and daddy and you would have had so much love for him and he probably forgot about the first 2 days because he had so many other special days after this. He knew what love you had for him, you are his mummy and a special one at that. It is definitely not a stupid day to get upset about. I get upset every Tuesday because it is another week without Cooper. This week was particularly hard because yesterday Cooper would have been 8 weeks old and on Sunday he will be 2 months old (depends if you count weeks or months). There are many dates that will upset us and only we know why. People will think that we can only get upset on the anniversary but for us it is so much more than that.

    I do hope so much that it isn't AF about to arrive and that you get your BFP.

    I just want to give you a big hug

  13. #85


    Hi Lynn - I figured out how to create a webpage for Nicholas and have done so. I thought it would take forever but I knew exactly how I wanted it to be. It has helped me feel a little better. I want to put it on my signature to show people who I am so proud of and love with all my heart, but I am a bit scared now. I worry what people will think of it, so I will sit on it for a while and think about what to do. I feel so proud of my baby, and although he is not with me he has changed my life so much. We wouldn't even be married right now if it weren't for him showing us what really is important in life - each other, and our families!

    I would love to hear Cooper's songs, I don't think I have heard them before although I have heard of the women who sing them. We did play songs at Nicholas' funeral, we played My Immortal - by Evanescence (it is DH favourite song and he wanted it played, only problem is we can't listen to it without crying now), The Rose by Bette Midler and Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton. I find it really difficult to listen to all of those songs, especially My Immortal because it's played on commercial radio all the time so sometimes I am sitting at work and it comes on the radio and I have to go off to the toilet and have a cry :frown:

    I think it is a beautiful thing that you have Cooper's garden to go and sit in and I really would love to do something similar myself. The problem for us is that we rent our house and I don't want to do a garden for Nicholas here because if the time ever comes that we move I would be heartbroken having to leave the garden and also thinking what if the next tennant or the landlord got rid of it. Anyway, DH and I are hoping to build our own home in the next year or 2 so maybe it is something I could keep in mind for that time.

    Nicholas would be 5 months old on 5 February, which also happens to be the day I am due for AF - It's funny (or not so) how cruel life can be isn't it. So that will be a tough one I think, being upset because Nicholas would have been 5 months and then getting a slap in the face on top of it saying 'haha your not pregnant this month either'!

    I can imagine Tuesdays are hard, I am right there with you on the Tuesdays as Nicholas was also born on a Tuesday, I don't find them so hard to get through now but I do think of him on Tuesdays when I wake up (mind you I guess I think of him every day but ykwim). I will be thinking of you on Sunday for Cooper's 2 month birthday. I hope you can find solice in your garden knowing the Cooper is sitting right along side you, you just can't see him

  14. #86
    kerry Guest


    Clare - for the m/s try travel bands... they helped me. You get them from the chemist and they work on accupressure points in your wrists. They were designed for travel sickness but work a treat on m/s. While they didn't get rid of my m/s fully (I had trips to the hospital with mine) they made life bearable and I was able to go to work and keep food down. Definately worth a try. They are bout $20 a pair but so worth it.

    Lynn - Just off to check out your website. So glad you and DH got to make your garden.

    Well after removing my angels from my signature I have decided to put them back in... there were so many of them it just made me sad... but they are real and deserve to be acknowledged.

    Mel - Not wanting to be pg is common for all women at some stage in their pg... bet it didn't take long for you to fall in love with Nicholas after the inital shock.. He would have known you loved him so much. New born babies have very short memories on lots of things so it is only the constant and repetative things that make a mark... my theory is that for the majority of your pg you loved your little angel with all your heart and that will be what he remembers feeling... not the other early stuff. Please don't blame yourself or your initial reaction for your tragic loss.

    I like to believe that we are chosen to be the mum's of angels because we are the ones who are strong enough to bare the burden. For some reason some little souls only get to stay a while, and we are the women who have the strength and love to give them their short stays. I know this is wierd but it helps me cope, maybe it can help you too.

    Mel - I would love to share Nicholas' website with you. Also in regards to a garden and renting, you could get a nice large planter box or even half a wine barrel and make a minature garden for Nicholas, then when you move you can just take it with you, knowing it will always be loved and cared for as much as your son.
    Last edited by kirsty; January 25th, 2007 at 09:49 AM.

  15. #87


    Clare - I agree with Jo, travel bands helped me with m/s

    Jo - I am so glad that you have your angels on your signature. You are right, they are real and should be acknowledged.

    Mel - when I think of Cooper every Tuesday, I will also think of Nicholas. I would love to see your website, when you have it ready. I agree with Jo, perhaps you could get a plant and put it in a nice pot. Then you could watch it grow.

  16. #88
    kerry Guest


    Lynn - Cooper's site is beautiful. I am so honoured that I have been able to share him with you in this way. B was on my knee when I looked at it and she touched the his foot and said bubba then gave it a kiss. It bought tears to my eyes.

  17. #89


    Hey everyone,

    Thanks Lynn & Jo, as you can see I have added Nicholas' web link. I am such a copy cat I know, not deliberately but just cause I don't think of these things until I see them. I hope it doesn't offend anybody, be warned that I have included photos of Nicholas and if anyone is upset by them let me know and I will remove the link.


    P.S. Jo that is so beautiful that your little girl touched Cooper's foot and gave it a kiss - kids are so adorable

  18. #90


    Oh Jo - Bridie is just gorgeous. That has brought tears to my eyes. I am glad that I have been able to share the memory of Cooper with you. I was saying to a friend that it is really hard having had a baby but not being able to show people, this is the next best thing for me. I can't show Cooper off but I can show people the things I have done in memory of him. This helps me..........................I wonder does he know that he is helping me through this.

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