TTC after Late Loss, Recurrent Miscarriage or Stillbirth ~ #4 2011

ergh girls, i know i should be happy, but im so paraniod already!!!! have absolutely no pregnancy symptoms, no ms, no sore boobies, no nothing!!!! your brain cant fake hormones if u want it so much can it?!!

Hey lovely ladies,

Skybie, you know m/s can come out of the blue when you least expect it! How many weeks are you hun? I didn't have any with no.1 but with n.2 it started from 6 weeks. Both my mum's pg were m/s free, she breezed through it like a champ. Lucky duck! If you like I'll pray for m/s for you, but do you really want it? lol.

Dory, bugger about your cold!! Can you get your hands on a good garlic and horseraddish tablet? They used to help me heaps with my colds (as in I didn't get that many on the tablets). Hope you darling Hannah Bear gets better too :)

Judy, what a bugger about your car hun! I can't believe how close you came to me, I'm next suburb down from Mordi!

Emily James, congrats hun! Wishing you a happy & healthy pg hun!

Gigi, those muffins sound delish! Hope your chiro app. went well gorgeous :)

Oh Kate, I can really sypathise with you about setting up the new baby's nursery and sorting Ellen's things. Must be pretty heart wrenching. Thinking of you. On the upside, 33 weeks hun, that's so close now! GL sweetie!

LadyTess, hope your app.went well hun. Try and not think the worst, I'm sure all will be well sweetie.

Mummy2two, GL in your 2WW hun! There is no reason to think you can't add to your brood, even if your hubby's swimmers are on the dud side! lol. My DF has a zero count but he is convinced there is one good one in there.......I just let him think it but then again, maybe there is just the one!lol.

Hello to anyone I missed!

AFM ladies, I had an aweful call yesterday from my IVF nurse. It seems my egg reserve count has dropped from 13 to 3.8. I am devastated to say the least. We go in next Thursday to talk to our FS about it.

B xoxo

Oh B...that is not nice news. I hope they have some solutions for you babe, something you can do. xooxoxxo Thinking of you xoox

Skybie...hang in there sweet. The early stages are so hard. You will 'feel' something soon, so find your peace, quiet your mind and i hope symptoms pop up to reassure you. xoxoxo You can do this my friend. xoxo

Hi ladies

Skybie - congratulations on your BFP. I thought I'd already posted that, but doesn't look like it. Remember, it is completely normal to become paranoid about everything. Anxiety and fear are normal, just try not to let them rule, ITMS. Sometimes it's easier to just go lalalala to life and pretend nothing is happening :) Wishing you an uneventful pregnancy and easy birth.

angelicdragon - sorry I didn't say hi before. I read but post depending on my energy levels. I'm sorry you've had so many losses. here's hoping you get a sticky baby soon. The car accident sounds scary.

BAL - I hope the cerclage went well and wasn't too painful.

Lady Tess - that must be so hard dealing with solicitors re: Matthew's death. It's bad enough having our children die, but to then go through legal proceedings must be so debilitating and feel like an intrusion in your grief. I've just bought a book called Still at Birth about a family who lost their DD due to medical incompetence. I havent had the energy to read it yet.

As for mc imperfect babes, I'm the wrong person to ask. Yes, many babies who have something wrong miscarry. Sadly, many do not. DS1 and DS2 had fatal problems. We think they were completely different things. But we just seem to have been hit with the unlucky stick. Either that or committed some major crime in a previous life. Please try not to stress. Fear and anxiety don't change the outcome, they just ruin the journey. Your baby is most likely perfectly fine. Gigi1's advice is really good.

dory - thank you babe. The weird thing is when I'm in my worst staste, I dont have the energy to pick up the phone or post. I just want to crawl into a ball and stop the pain. I'll get there, I know. I've walked this path before. It's just so hard to keep going sometimes.

Gigi1 - I'm sorry AF came again. Doesn't she know she's unwelcome? I hope you're doing OK. It sounds like you're staying positive which is great. Any chance your DH can change jobs? My DH was dealing with a lot of stress at work which was just debilitating. Thankfully he found a new one and he's much happier now.

Miss B - I hope you get a better result soon. I assume the results change the needing to wait until November now? I hope you can jump straight in now.

kateo - all bub needs to start with is boob and somewhere warm to sleep. The only thing you should organise is the car seat. Everything else can wait. Peopl will inundate you with clothes etc. Don't stress about the nursery. My grandmother used the bottom drawer for her first baby and he turned out fine :)

EJ - congratulations on your BFP. That's wonderful news. The first trimester is tough after a loss as symptoms can not be obvious and you can't feel anything. I think it helps to just not think about it if possible, but make sure you take time to also send bub lots of love.

AFM - barely managing. It's Leo's birthday Tuesday, but of course he was born on a Monday. So I'm reliving everything and it's killing me. It was midnight Sunday/Monday that I woke with contractions and he was born Monday evening. We had lunch for Mum's birthday today. We did the same last year. We watched the Tour de France last year and I used it as visualisation to get through the birth without drugs. I couldnt watch it this year.

It feels like this year has gone so fast but at the same time, it happened so long ago. We should have had a 1st birthday party for our little boy this weekend, with gifts, cake and little people crawling and toddling underfeet. I'd much rather be trying to settle an over excited little boy right now than staring blankly at walls wondering what the hell did we ever do to deserve this.

We didn't know what to do for Leo's birthday. We've decided to go down to a beach and let some balloons go. But I'm not sure what else to do. We need to re-pot his rose and we'll have dinner at Mum's. I wanted to be more organised. There should be an instruction book for the babylost - on the EDD do this, on the first birthday do that.

We were expecting to be 28weeks pregnant now and that was supposed to help us get through. Jude wasn't a replacement for Leo, but he was our hope to be able to heal someday. Now we don't have him either and we don't have any answers as to why he got sick, so we feel like we're in limbo.

Insomnia rules me atm. You'd think if you got tired enough you would actually sleep, but it eludes me which doesn't help. I feel like I'm drowning. I dont want to be like this. I dont feel strong. I dont feel brave. I hate feeling weak and fragile. I hate whinging and whining. I hate people asking me how many children I have. Most of all I hate that I am a mother without living children and no idea if we'll ever have one we can keep.

Hi Everyone :)

Emily James - Congratulations on your BFP :)

Gigi - So sorry AF arrived for you. She SUX!!!!

Tashybabe - Oh Tashy, I am just so heartbroken reading your post. Happy 1st Birthday to Leo for Tuesday. 1st Birthdays are so so hard. i think it's a really nice idea to release balloons. That's what we do and it is nice. I totally get what you mean about another pregnancy is healing though not a replacement. I'm so sorry that you now have lost that now too when you lost Jude. It's just heartbreaking and unfair. I knowI have said that 1000 times. I don't know what else to say. I think although you don't feel strong, you are showing amazing strength. You are still breathing, and as far as I am concerned that's all you need to do right now. I really really hope that one day you can be a Mummy to Earthside Bubs. Sending loads and loads of love and strength your way xx

Hi to everyone else :) No more persies, my ice cream is melting ;) xx

Oh Tash, if I could reach out and free you of the pain somewhat I would :hug: Even though there are women out there that have experienced the loss of a baby, sometimes it feels like we are the only person in the world that has gone through it doesn't it? It feels like we are doing it alone. Sometimes it doesn't matter what people say, how much they feel our pain, how much they are there for us and want to help us, the reality is still the same. We have lost a baby, no one can give him or her or them back to us. Losing two or more babies is unamaginalbe to me. But it does happen and then you must think to yourself, why? Why has it happened more than once? Wasn't once enough for, like, the whole eternity? It must be tough hun, I can imagine, but this road of grief, anger, disbelief, even denial sometimes, we must travel alone and eventually heal with the help of time and our wonderful support people, be that family or friends, most often both. If someone told me years ago that I would lose a baby, I wouldn't believe them. Tash, it really sucks hun, and it bloody hurts. Honestly, there isn't a day I don't think of Josh. And it's almost been 3 years. I have his pictures in my dining area, I see him everyday as I walk past. I refuse to put the pictures away, much to my family and friends' disapproval. I should be over it now. I don't think so mate. I get the reminders ever year not only on his original EDD which was 12 Feb, and of course his actual birthday, I can't watch the Grand Final witout relieving the whole thing. I woke up on the Friday before the GF with back pain and pain where the fibroid was. Spoke to a friend who became worried. Saturday GF day, off the hossy to check out the pain. Drive back home with some meds just in time to watch the game. Hoorah! I love the footy. I sit there on my couch, all drugged up and remember the lovely sun hitting my belly throught he window. The pain eases and I am relieved. All is good again, I will be OK. Wake up Sunday, pain is much much worse. Off to the hossy again, this time I am told to bring an overnight bag. I dont' click why I could possibly need my bag. Mad rush to pack a few essentials. I don't leave the hossy until Thursday, the day after Josh was born. I go in with my baby and I leave without him. I feel empty, broken, angry and in shock. I relieve this every GF day and I will for as long as I live.
Big hugs lovely lady, I hope the next few days are as gentle to you as possible. I will certainly be thinking of you tomorrow and on Tuesday and will light a candle for Leo.
Much love to you :hug:

Tash, I couldn't go past without saying a couple fo words. I will keep it brief as the ladies gone before me have spoken my mind. I am left sad and shocked still from your post...which is an honour to feel for a friend. I hate that someone else feels this anguish and overwhelming heartbreak. I just can only try to imagine what your must be going through right now. It is also a reminder of our own pain and times we have felt a similar way through our own journeys.
I will shed a tear, light a candle and think of you and your little family this week. Have a special time for Leo's day and i hope there is some comfort knowing he is not alone. He has a little brother to take care of, be with and play with. I wish both your boys were in your arms hun, with all my heart.
Please know you post has touched my heart. You have written so openly and truthfully, which takes bravery. But I also no in the depths of grief as you type through tears, you can and will write anything and everything to relieve some of that pain, some pressure. Feel safe to do that here and know they your words will be met with some understanding and much love.
Well i was not as short as i planned...much love. HM xoox

Hi Ladies,
Tashybabe - it is immense the pain you are going though right now. I feel for you from the very bottom of my heart. I can't believe what some people are made to go through & why they are knocked down time & time again. Praying you find strength to get you through & get some answers as to 'why' so you can move forward in a positive direction. Big hugs to you sweety xxx
Emily James - congrats on your BFP & hoping for smooth times ahead for you x
Miss B - big hugs to you too sweety. Sorry the reminders are so painful for you & sending healing vibes your way x
Skybie - hoping you get some reassurance real soon. You know lots of women have little to no symptoms so hang in there :)
Hi to everyone else - try & get back later for proper persies
xxxx

Miss B, your story has been in my head all morning and i wanted to come in and give you a hug..a cyber one anyway. Little Josh born on GF. All the reminders. Thinking of you gorgeous girl.

Hmmm tried to go to a home birth support meeting today to find out more info in the area and what people are doing now...etc. and you know when things just don't flow... I have had this planned all month, kept it free from oter commitments and then when i got there no one was there. I came back home and thought...i will just double check. Well the site i got the info on was so out of date, so i guess i just wasn't meant to go today. I just wish i knew sooner so i i knew i didn't have to get out of bed. xoxo Going to lie down for a bit to rest my neck and head. I will try not to read too much into todays progress so far....
HM xoox

Blah blah blah CD 1 - bring on this new cycle. Having a red wine to commiserate. Hope everyone else is doing ok xxxx

Mto2- Bugger hun, chin up...cheering you on for next cycle.

Dory my dear friend, thinking of you and your darling little Nicholas for his day tomorrow. Hope you all feel well enough to spend some time in the warm sun. Big hugs xoox

xooxoxox

Hey lovely ladies. I am out of here for a week, hitting the country and having some R&R.
I am a bit ratty atm and it didn't help that on my way home tonight i pulled up beside a car at the traffic lights and the back passenger was holding a baby-about 6mth. I just about got out of my car and had a go at them. Are they nuts!! I was wild. Who in their right mind would have a baby in the back seat without a car seat.

Anyway found my peace again and geting ready for our trip.
I am 1DPO and we are in the TWW. Managed to get a positive test on the Fri morning so i hope we hit the spot. I am tired but in pretty good spirits. Can't wait to get away though. DH has one more day of work and we are off.

Sending you all lucky and loving vibes for everyone both going through a tough time and those waiting and TTC. Thinking of you all and hope i hear some good news when i get back. xoxo

Sneaking in ...

Gigi have a good week and hope the twt is not too hard on you and you get a bfp I will be stalking xxx

Hi to everyone else hoping to see some bfps in here very soon ...
Sneaking out...

Sent from my HTC Desire S using Tapatalk

Gigi - how outrageous having a baby in a car unrestrained. I would have called the cops I think!! Yay for the +ve opk & being in the 2ww. Much luck to you for this month :)
Enjoy your time in the country - sounds devine......
Hi to everyone else - love & luck to you all as well xxxx

Gigi, thanks for your beautiful hugs from the other day :hug: I hope your holiday is lovely, enjoy it hun!! And I have everything crossed for you in this cycle too FXFXFXFXFXFXFXFXFX

A baby NOT strapped in the car?????? I would have taken down the rego and called someone before they do real damage to that poor baby! OMG!

Hope everyone is going well and big truck loads of baby dust to all xoxoxoxox

B :)

Miss B - ahh sweetie, I love garlic and horseradish but it's not recommended during lactation, so I am taking an echincea (sp?) complex instead.... I am still sick! Arghhh. The antibiotics have helped to start to clear the chest infection but it's a moving feast in terms of other symptoms... I just keep hoping that tomorrow is the day I wake up and feel better. GF day will never be the same huh?

Oh how did your meeting with the FS go? Did they say why the egg reserve has dropped? Is there a plan?

Gi - thankyou my dear for thinking of us. We did see the sun and it was good. I almost didn't because of the sickness but I am glad I persevered. Glad you got a big O, and hope the tww passes peacefully. I am not sure why stupidity ( and danger) make us so angry, but I had a similar experience with a heavily pregnant woman smoking. It took all my strength to just walk away.

Tashy - oh sweetie.... so many questions, so much pain...... I wish I could make your journey easier. You didn't do anything to deserve your sons being so sick and dying. It just happened, and it is simply a devastating tragedy, unfair and heartbreaking. I hope you find some peace soon in your search for answers. We all find our own way through. If you asked me how I did manage how did I get through? Now, I honestly couldn't tell you, as I have no idea. I think I just woke up every day and just for a moment, even just that moment when you've just woken before you remember what your reality is, and tried to find some peace. Hmm, thinking about it cats helped me a lot, and they still do.

This is going to sound like an odd question, but have you laughed yet? Do you remember when you first laughed after Leo died, and how foreign it sounded, and how guilty you felt?

I know what it feels like to be drowing, and I know what it feels like to be in the dark lonely places. I know I offered for you to call me anytime, but I also know that in those very lonely moments, it's almost impossible to reach out.

How about I call you? It would have to be a certain times of the day ( usually somewhere between 9.30 and noon) though so that I can at least attempt to give you my full attention.

Anyway, illness abounds in our household. There is no TTC. I have a pimple and rejoice that it might be my cycle returning. I should go and get some tests. Anyway, even though we were too sick to do it on Nick's angel day, I have used some other people's ideas as inspiration and we are going to buy some photo frames and some memory boxes and take them up to the hospital where Amelia and Sophie were born. Even though I was happy with how they helped us start to memoralise our babies, I have decided there might be things that are more helpful to the recently bereaved. So that's what I have decided to do. I am hoping to be well enough soon to go and buy the items and then deliver them. First I will make a call to the hossy though, to see if they will accept them. I just feel the time for me to become more proactive has come, rather than just focus so much on me.

Although when we were last at the hossy, one of the middies offered to go and get the camera to take a picture and made some throw away comment that it had been donated by a lady whose baby had died. Hmm, gave me a great sense of satisfaction to know that it was used, and that a little of the story stayed with the camera. Funnily enough, the middie then looked at me, paused and said, "ahh that was you wasn't it?".

I hope that there is at least some bd'ing going on out there as there is zilch here. :(

Coooooeeeeeeeee......where is everyone? Awful quite in here of late....
Dory - I hope you are feeling better & that your cycle is on it's way back.
That was a lovely story about the camera & how you plan to help those poor souls going through the loss of a bubba...God bless people like you x
So how is everyone else going? I've had a rough week or so of late - feeling all woe is me, crying at the drop of hat etc. Know you will all understanf - familiar territory when yoiu've been through what we've been through....
Anyway, hugs & babydust to all x

Hi girls, i dont know how i feel about posting in here anymore, i dont want to upset anyone with my pregnant-ness. please know i do stalk u all like a crazy person though and am praying u all join me on this side of the fence soon :)

Hi ladies!

Skybie, I'm a mad stalker too! hahaha. I don't think the ladies mind you popping in here! How are you going hun?

mummytotwo, I hope this week is better for you :hug:

Dory, I hope you're feeling much better now, you've had such a bad run this winter! Big hugs and I hope at least you got a teeny weeny bit of BD......how's wee Hannah Bear?

Gigi, how was your country get away? Bet is was beautiful and relaxing....lucky duck!

Tash, how are you sweetie?

Hi to everyone else, LysnDan, blessed, Judy, Emily James...anyone else?

I'm not up to much myself, just counting the days until my cycle in Nov. hopefully and before that my lovely holiday next month. Yay! Wee man has been good, still waiting for him to take his first steps on his own.

Big hugs to all and massive truckloads of :pink-babydust::bluedust::pink-babydust::bluedust:

B xoxox

Hi girls, today is Jack half birthday. i thought time was meant to fly when you're having fun, we certainly havent been and its gone so so quickly.
i dont know why, but im a little upset that noone remembered, not a single msg or anything, not even from mum.
All seems to be going well pregnancy wise, i havent had a scan or been to the doctors yet, but i havent bled and my boobs hurt like all buggery, keeping positive that all will be well when we get to our 12 week scan.
i really want an early scan just to check, but we dont have the money to spare atm.
Anyway, hope ur all well, Gigi hope u had a fantastic time away hun.
Dores, Miss B, you're never far from my thoughts.
Much love to u all xxx

Skybie - Oh sweetie, it does hurt so much when no one remembers.... it seems that's always they way for me.... thinking of you and Jack and Moo and Squid and DH on such a sad anniversary.

If it's important that people remember, it's up to you to take the lead and remind people of the day and it's importance to you, and just how important it is to you for them to remember.

LOL - I can't take my own advice.... although I did put a post up on FB for Nicholas' angelversary.... although none of my family are on FB at least some of my friends were made aware of the day and it's importance to us.

Miss B - no action here! Still all to unwell, although there was a sneaky moment last weekend. So we must be on the mend. Oh November is not to far away. Is Cam still fighting bedtimes?

Gi - missing you girl, hope your trip away was good for your soul.

That's it from me. Stuff to do. Hope you're all ok.

I have missed so much on this thread I wanted to let you all know that I am thinking of you all. I am on the phone at the moment but as soon as I get to a pc I can answer you all personally. I have been keeping track and reading on the phone regularly.

Loves and hugs and baby dust

Tess

Skybie, I meant to reply yesterday and I got distracted. I was thinking of your gorgeous boy Jack yesterday, I'm sure he was smiling on you all on his half birthday. Happy half birthday lil guy! Hun, I am pretty much the only person (except DF) who remembers Josh's EDD and birthdays. It's sucks big time, big hugs darling :hug:

Dory, yay for a sneaky moment! lol. I have not been BDing much, my dear DF thinks I'm having an online affair (hehehe it's called belly belly) as I have for some reason gone off BDing lately. Oh well, maybe my drive will come back soon! Cam is doing well, back to being a good lil boy, bedtime has improved heaps. November can't come soon enough :) Hope you're all feeling better soon :grouphug:

Hi Lady Tess and everyone else!

Hi Girls, I am back from the woods and CD27 today- I already feel AF entering the building. It has been a bit of a full on week. DH and I had a huge blue this week which is very unlike us and we understand a lot better now as to why it happened. Long story short as i will no doubt go into more in my blog for my own record. It had been a confronting week as this old girl turned 35 and we were facing a deadline for TTC, pressure was immense. We went away for the week to visit friends which was lovely but a little full on. Bad timing was all. The kids had school and Friends DH still at work, made everyone very tired. I cooked all week for all and made sure to look after my hubby too.

ANYWAY...long story short, DH sprung on me, on the way home, that he wanted to go and visit his father. The relationship is estranged but civil. HIstory there which I had long forgotten until that moment. Dh changed, his energy was different, we started bickering, and carrying on like children. He was defensive, argumentative and attacking. I was doing they same trying to get him to talk to me about what was going on for him. It was mad. A couple of things happened in particular and his sister unkonwingly was invovled. Needless to say it took me right back to 13 years ago or so when all the issues were at their peak. I felt like we lost all that we worked hard to achieve.

Spoke to the Psych and she confirmed for us the likely explaination was that visiting DH's home and his mothers grave, even though his father didn't end up being there. ust being in that town has an affect on us but in particular going to his childhood home etc and visiting his mum's head stone, was powerful enough to bring up all old ways of dealing with things, old attitudes, behaviours and habits.

I had a little melt down and felt absolutely devastated. I kept saying, it feels petty and i feel silly but this is ripping out my heart. I felt like everything was taking a ride down a slippery slope. I just couldn't go back to that time in our life and I freaked out. Anyway it took me a while but we are back to our usual lovey selves. We both feel a little bruised and we will have to talk a whole lot more about it, but one positive thing to come out of the experience was a glimpse of how far we have come in our relationship, our life. Incredible. I thought we were always in a really good place, but now i know we are in a REALLY good place.

So off the back of that, had a little pink CM in the last couple of days and pimple have got angry. AF is on her way. Neg test this morning to confirm things so i am just waiting and trying not to go off the rails but stay balanced and healthy. The last week we had to eat along side another persons diet which invariably changes ours a bit. Last night we went out to dinner which was lovely and then i rebelled with a pack of chips, ice block and choc. Back on track today to try and take care of ourselves.

Better go, Sorry for no lengthy personals, i am trying madly to get back on track from holidays. Got a bit to do and had a bit going on....
Thinking of you girls,
Dores- missed you too hun,
Skybie- welcome in here as long as ever, take your time. Hugs to you and for your special day with Jack.
Miss B- thanks for your cheers hun.
M2Two- Hope your days are looking brighter love. Not a nice feeling is it. Sending you hugs.
LysNDan-How are you going?
Tash- How are you doing love? Thinking of you.
Lady Tess- You are going so well. Congrats for being at 19wks.

Other ladies stalking...sending you thoughts and hugs. xoxo

Hello Ladies!!

My apologies for not being in here for ages (not sure if any of you even remember me...). Just haven't had the energy the last whatever months, due to work and studies mainly.

Anyway... Dh and I DTD on sunday (finally...) It has been a looong wait, 10-11 months approx, first due to surgery then vaccines (so had to wait another 3 months before it was 'safe' to get preggers...) and hubby having a bad back, and being too stressed with his work etc.

Not sure if it is appropriate for me to ask this here, but do you remember your pregnancy-symptoms well?? The last 4 days I've been nauseous, headache, oh sooo tired, heartburn, funny stomach (not really painful tho..) disgusting taste in my mouth, and brushing my teeth doesn't seem to help on it either, moody (poor hubby..), crying for no reason at all, eating like there's no tomorrow... So.. is this just 'symptoms' I WANT to see, or is it really possible to feel this a week before AF is due?? (5-6 days after O'ing)??

Hope you're all well :dance:

Will be back later

Hi TJ- yes i remember you hun. Hope you have been well.
As far as i know...it may be too early to experience symptoms of any strength. Symptoms come from the hormonal changes and things like funny tummy, heartburn and nausea etc are from the body dealing with progesterone increase which i think is only once fertilisation and implantation occurs that it starts to really climb. OUr bodies can be pretty amazing though and go through all sorts of feelings. Take for instance a husband taking on pregnancy symptoms. I hope for you that they are early symptoms.
Fingers crossed for you love. I bet it has been a tough number of months leading up to this time. Hope your body's both got the rest they need for a healthy pregnancy. Good Luck.
xoxo

Skybie - hope you got through yesterday ok - was thinking of you & big hugs to you babe x
TJ - welcome back - who knows about pg symptoms to be honest. I had mega sore (.)(.) last month
& some other typical symptoms but nadda. Then when I think back to my first pg with DS I had no syptoms whatsoever!!
I think Gigi is onto something with progesterone causing some of these symptoms after O but hey throwing
some positive vibes to the universe is not going to hurt. I hope for your sake there is a happy ending.
Gigi - sorry you & DH lost your way for a little while & had to go back to some unpleasant times from your past.
You guys are only human & you are back on track so that is all that matters. Good luck to you this month also.
AFM....DH & I had a bd-a-thon - 5 days straight & I have to tell you it was the most enjoyable bding for a long time.
Lets hope there is a happy ending for me also & for all of us.
A big hi to everyone else - hope your all in good places or at peace with things xxxx

M2T- Bed-a-thon......love it. 5 Days...you go girl! Good luck and fingers crossed. xoxo

Hi lovely ladies,
Looks like I am back here again, have had a terrible bleed this weekend and my HCG levels were dropping last week. Will try and get an ultrasound tomorrow but there seems to be little point in doing that. I never get very heavy periods and I am having to use maternity pads and terrible cramping. TMI sorry!
I am just devastated, we had only just told DD that we were having a bub, as had an ultrasound done and all look good except for a small pocket that looked like a bleed near bub on the out side of the placenta. My Dr was not sure what all that meant so rang specialist and he said he is not worried about it and I shouldn't either. Goes to show how little these guys really know!
Dont think I will be ttc for a while, have been pregnant for a total of 9 months out of the last 11 and no baby! I dont know if i can deal with all the hormones and desperate need for a positive test each month for a bit. Might just try and get super skinny and then try again. I know time is ticking by but I cant keep trying and failing at making babies!
Very self absorbed message sorry! I will keep in touch and stalking you all as I have been!
Much love to you all
Trace xo

Having to change my green as it is not available anylonger it seems...but it is me.

EMJ- Oh love, I am so very sorry. You have eery right to feel selfabsorbed but for what it is worth it sounds like you are handling this tragic news with grace and control...i just don't know how you are doing it. Is DD old enough to understand a little of what is happening?(sorry- i should know but i can't remember). I am sorry you are facing this all over. I wish making a baby were much simpler, i really do. Sending you a huge hug and I think you are on to something with regards to spending more time on yourself for a while. I am sure you don't need to be super skinny but some energy towards you sounds like the perfect thing right now. Farewelll little angel. xoxo

EMJ, im so deeply sorry hun

Skybie, How is today going for you hun? Been thinking of you. xoxo

Im going ok, hormones are getting the better of me today though, crying at the drop of a hat. Wishing the days away (27 weeks to go!)
When is AF due? its very soon isnt it? have u caved and tested?

Oh babe, sending you a huge hug. Bl**dy hormones! Hopefully soon, you might get to enjoy yourself more. Sounds like you need a good massage and a listening ear to get a whole lot off your chest...so you can come back to life and keep going. Is there someone you can go to for that...someone whom won't judge, that will listen and let you go? Keep your chin up sweet. It must be so very hard but i am sending you many hugs and warm wishes.
CD2-3 now...AF is in full swing at kicking my butt. Not happy about it, it has been a rough week to be honest but we are getting there. Many are going through far worse than me I am sure. Thinking of you. xoxo

oh hun, im so sorry, things sounded really promising this month.
I have my bestie who i see weekly, i always verbally spew on her, all my fears and reservations, gender fears ect, she's awesome :)

Hi ladies,

A quick hello from the lil 'ol me!

EmilyJames, I'm really sorry to hear your news hun. Big hugs and look after yourself hun :hug:

Gigi, I'm sorry you've had to go back to the unpleasant past with your DH. It sucks sometimes, big hugs. I've had my share of some seriously grumpy moments with DF lately, everything is just getting to me lately.....his unpleasant daughter that refuses to have anything to do with me, our continuous search for a bigger house which just seem to be so far out of reach ATM, my ever increasing stress levels which will not be good for my IVF cycle, our lack of planning our wedding we were supposed to have 2 years ago, do you want me to go on?????? IT SUCKS!!!!! ok, rant over sorry hun :(

Mummytotwo, fingers crossed in this cycle for you hun!!

Skybie, it's good to have a really good bestie xoxo

Hi to everyone else out there, feeling a bit flat so I'll just go and read my book and try to drown out my wee problems :(

Oh, big truck loads of babydust for all my beautiful friends :)

B xoxoxo

Hi Lovely Ladies,
Well our Jelly Bean is really gone. I had (not sure how to word it correctly) him in the shower last night, felt him coming out and caught him in my hands. We went up to the hospital after and they were pretty useless. Just told me the "product" was in tact and that to come back if I had any more pain or heavy bleeding. We are having tests done on bub and not sure if I hope they find something wrong or not. Either way I am again without a baby! I thought for sure this bub would be ok, after losing James at such a late stage I thought this one would be a nice normal boring ass pregnancy! I think I must be in a bit of shock as I feel pretty numb about it all. Just so p@#sed off!!
Ok enough of my ranting and sorry for the graphic description at the start.
So as it seems we can fall pregnant ok, its just keeping bub in there that is the problem we are not going to actively TTC for a while, just try and get back to some level of "normal" (whatever that is now after all of this) and see what happens.
I am going to get a referral to a obgyn as I had not seen one this preg yet only my dr and see if there is any testing we can do.
As James was a still born and jelly bean was a miscarriage do you ladies think I will be at a higher risk of another miscarriage? I am so confused about it all.
Can I ask you ladies who have had miscarriages how long did you bleed for after? And how long before you were allowed to TTC again? Did you have another miscarriage or did you have a healthy bub? I know very personal questions and I hope not to pushy or painful for you to answer.
Gigi1 - I am sorry AF is being so mean to you. I have everything crossed for you that this is the last time you see her for nine months! Its really quite amazing how cruel life can really be at times. My neighbours 17 year old granddaughter just found out she is due to have a baby next month! Been smoking and drinking and partying hard all this time while pregnant, no check ups or tests etc and apparently all is fine, bub is growing healthy and happy!!
Thank you to all of you lovely ladies for your kind words and it does help knowing that you all know exactly how I feel and what I am going through. Do any of your partners use a forum or have anyone to chat to about all of this stuff? My poor DH was in the bathroom with me and took Jelly Bean from me. Just broke me to see him so upset. He really has no one to talk to about all this and it upsets him when I am so upset.
Much love to you all and baby dust to everyone TTC and I hope they are super sticky babies!!
Love Trace xo

EmilyJames - I am so truly sorry I don't know the answer to your questions except I think you can generally TTC as soon as you feel ready. It's so not fair hun.. :hug:

Hi to all, just popped in quickly xx

Heya girls just popping in too to say hi to everyone.

Sorry Ej to hear about your news. :( how far along were you darl? And in regards to ttc I don't know the answer sorry darl. Maybe something to ask your gp when you see him next.

Gigi how r u darling? I'm ok thanks for asking. I'm 14 weeks tomorrow. Bubs has given me a few scares though with bleeds etc.

Hi to everyone else xxx spreading a bit of babydust to you all xxx and lots of these :hug: :hug: :grouphug:

Sent from my HTC Desire S using Tapatalk

LysNDan, good to here you are going well hun. I hope the bleeds are over for you and you have a stress free remainder. You are going great guns it seems although we all know it is a different kind of normal after you have lost a bub. Still thinking of you.

EmJ, Oh that is just heart breaking for you both. I am so very sorry. My DH came to a couple of support meeting with me at nigth and he met a couple of men there but didn't keep in touch with any. He found it quite lonely too and he struggled with it. The men in our families are not approachable with this kind of thing. Try support meetings if you are up for that sort of thing, SANDS run them as do SIDs etc for all stages of loss. Call them will also give you a list of 'listeners' and you may be able to ask if there is a guy who you can call. I think just going out for a beer is often a nice thing. Sending you a huge hug as all the reality sinks in for you.

Skybie, gla dyou have someone hun. Take care. xoxo

Dores, missing your smiley face in here. xoxox

Miss B, Yes...frustration, rant away. I think there are always moments when you love someone so much that test you. It is just amazing what pressure we all survive under and still have functional relationships. A bit scarey when you see an edge sometimes but our feet are so firm on the ground i know we are not going anywhere...doesn't stop me from having a little break down though! ;) I thought my whole world had ended. Hmm, but what i see most now is my reaction was in proportion to just how awesome a man i have and the thought of losing all that. So what was scarey was actually a not so nice reminder of what we have. Your DH's daughter sounds like she is testing you guys out big time...bless her cotton socks. AND I will plan your wedding for you I LOooove weddings!;) Hope things look up soon love. Sending you a big hug. xoxo