TTC after Late Loss, Recurrent Miscarriage or Stillbirth ~ #4 2011

Gi - enjoy byron.... it will be so nice.

Tashy - you are welcome, about the support. Just glad my unique experiences have some use. I just wanted to add something... when you spoke about not crying, you could have been writing about me. For the longest time, there was no real anguished crying.... and then when it did come, it was overwhelming, but different to the first time. I just checked your tally, and Jude did it! He raised his target, and more. Isn't he amazing. Go gently my dear.

AFM - feeling better physically, but emotionally wiped out. Lots of tears from me lately... I am hoping that it's just being over wrought from the last few weeks and not anything more serious, but all of us here are candidates for pnd.....a bit sobering.... anyway, off to bed for me.

Sorry no more persies from me, but you're in my thoughts.

Hello everyone,

Sorry, I don't have much energy to do persies tonight, the whicked witch is here and I feel pretty worn out. Just a little hello from me and big hugs all round.

Tash, Gigi couldn't have put into words what I wanted to say any better. The grief for you must be so overwhelming, I would imagine it's a bonus to get through every minute, every hour, every day and so on. I know I've only lost one baby, and cannot imagine losing two, but for me my grief was also very overwhelming and I too didn't have a shower some days, let alone ate or said anything sometimes all day. I felt so broken, so empty, such a failure, I wondered how I would ever pick myself again and faced the world out there. The grief consumed me, but it didn't break me, nor my spirit, nor my determination to keep on going for me, for DF for others. But it did take time hun, and that is what it takes, time. You would know yourself, you no more than pick yourself up as much as you can from losing Leo, and then you're slammed into the ground again. But you will rise again hun, each day you will get stronger and happier, probably doesn't feel like that now, but you will. I'm not saying you will feel stonger or happier or optimistic now hun, I'm just saying you will in time, just to show you hope. I had that hope and I got there, much to the credit to my wonderful psychologist who changed my life, who saved me, who changed my thinking and offered and showed me acceptance of the sometimes cruel but beautiful world we live in. You know you can reach out anytime hun, I'm also in melbourne and would love to meet you, offer a shoulder to cry on, just give me the green light. Otherwise, if your not up to it, you know I am, we are here for you hun, always. Good night hun, and I hope tomorrow, in a small way but in a way regardless, brings a small smile to your face. Big hugs lovely :hug:

Bxoxoxoxo

Can I hop in here for a while. I find it hard talking about TTC with others who do not understand about recurrent miscarriages or stillbirth. We lost Annabelle at 31 wks and in the last 5 years I have had 9 confirmed miscarriages and about 10 chem pgs. I would love for one last time to be bale to get past the 8 wk mark and still have a a heartbeat, even get as far as the NT scan! Our youngest is 2, then we have a 6 yr old, then 18,19 and 27.
Dory big hugs hun.
Tash I am so sorry to read of your two baby boys. To have got so far and then lose them to them angels. I hope you get some answers as to why.
I miscarried on Thursday, I was 8w3d and the scan clearly showed the placenta separating and you could see the blood moving it was that clear then 20 minutes later I miscarried while still in the Drs office filling out paperwork for the D&C. I had to wait 4 hrs but still had the D&C as the miscarriage wasn't quite complete and I had retained tissue causing me to hemorrhage.
I was told I don't have to wait to TTC and due to my age I don't want to wait anyhow. each month is so precious.
hugs from a snow bound mountain lass.. yes in Tassie it does snow sometimes lol.
Jude

oh dear, seems I may have killed the thread and cared everyone away. :(

Not at all Angelicdragon, i thought i had already replied but it is not here, obviously. So sorry to leave you hanging. Welcome to the thread, I am just sorry it is under such circumstances. Wow you have been through so much over the years and again recently. You are a brave woman going after your dreams, for that i have admiration. Hope you find this thread warm, welcoming and supportive. Best of luck and hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy on the way. xoxo HM

There have been so many babies born just recently I am getting all names and genders mixed up in my head. It is wonderful so many woman are finding success after such hard journeys.

Well AFM- I am CD22. Brave BTs yesterday that have been a long time coming. Got visitors coming this afternoon so better not stay and chat...lots to do. Fingers crossed for me and all the other ladies out there ttc. My heart with you all in the throws of early grief and the grief we live with forever.

hi girls, how are we all?
Gigi i wish i could have ur confidence hun, you're so amazing :)
plodding along here, silly me did a hpt yesterday and this morning 9/10 dpo and both morning the faintest (and im talking barely) line has come up twice, feeling like it did last month so im not going to test now until af is due (weds) just in case things turn sour again.
Other than that, 5 months today since we said goodbye to our boy, feels like just yesterday and a million years ago all at the same time. Have been missing him and thinking about him lots lately.
Misss u all and baby dust to everyone
xxxx

Hi lovely ladies,

Gigi I am so sorry I didn't read your post properly about feeling good about this cycle. Bring it on Universe!!!!!!!!!!! I would love nothing more than see you UTD hun, that would make my whole year!!!!!! GL sweetie, I have everythink crossed for you darling :pray::crossfingers::goodluck: FX

Angelicgragon, you didn't scare anyone away!!! you're so funny :)

Dory, hope you're in a better head space hun, thinking of you sweets :hug:

Skybie, I have everything crossed for you too lovely, would absolutely love to see a BFP for you too darl :pray:

OK, sorry ladies been having a beer while cooking dinner, I pressed post instead of preview, so we keep going (sorry the beer has affected me a wee bit, hehehehe)

Tash, thinking of you too sweets, hope every day is somewhat easier for you. Big hugs xx

Cheryl, I hope you're enjoying you lil princess :)

Big helo to anyone I missed, will come back for more persies.

B xoxoxo

Skybie, You are kidding me...this sound very promising, I have all my fingers crossed for you love. I hope the next few days bring you a BFP in true style....two big fat dark lines. Good Lukcy sweety. If is any consellation, I tested positive on CD26 with DD- 11DPO.

Miss gorgeous B, Thank you for such enthusiasm hun. I appreciate it with all my heart. We are certainly hopeful in this household and we have continued to live as though it is a reality.
While in Byron, we bought a little amber teething necklace for this new baby coming into our lives who we feel is very close right now. It is a nice feeling...trying not to let fear come into it. trying.

Love to all. xoxox

seems now it is every time I try and get back something happens, I get called away etc etc.. I now have a complete series of IC tests that go from BFN to light bfp to dark bfp then back to white bfn. If every anyone wants a study on how long you get a bfp for after a m/c I have the sticks to prove it. Both times I did tests after a m/c it showed it takes 10 days to get back to bfn. OPKs have been white but now starting to get a line so it fits in with the timing for after I lost Joey then conceived Ethan.

Has anyone else noted how when yo uare pg you can eat/drink things you never normally do then can't after you m/c. The short time I was pg I could drink apple and mango fruit juice and also the apple, banana and coconut fruit juice mix. But I had a glass yesterday it tasted foul like it used to. I guess that particular baby liked mango.

We are snwoed in down here. I know in USA they are sued to deep snow but here it stops the city to a standstill. We have just been watching the movie Arctic Blast too which was filmed in our fair city of Hobart... so rather apt with all the snow outside. No school again tomorrow so we can all sleep in ...

Judy, it sounds like you have a house full atm. Hope the sunshine is still there to enjoy all the snow. I love snow- you will never find me sick of it. So much fun to be had. Good luck for this cycle as you get busy with the business end of things. xoxo

AFM- CD25 and going well. I have not done Yoga in over a week and missing it terribly. The little flu i had took that away but we are back on deck now and hoping for a good session. Might have to stretch considerably to touch my toes today. Going to do some work on the bathroom tomorrow!! Yay. Kind of looking forward to it.
A bit of doubt creeping in for the result of this cycle but trying to keep in mind I have another up my sleeve if outcome is not what we hoped. Of course did a HPT yesterday on cd24...BFN but hoping it is too early. If i try and hold out, there still might be a chance.
Anyway holding onto hope in this house. xoxoxo to all. HM

Hi everyone! I have been quietly stalking but no persies today.. I just wanted to pop in and spread some :bluedust::pink-babydust: I am doing well, 14wks now, was supposed to have a cervical cerclage today but it got put back til Friday. I am nervous, but just keeping my fingers crossed everything stays good. I'll keep silently stalking you all and fingers crossed for some more BFP's!!

Congrats Blessed...wonderful news. xoxoo

so after 3 or so days of bfns, af due yesterday and was a no show, still bfn, me wanting to rip my uterus out and slap it, this morning at 15 dpo i got a clear positive :) ive barely stopped crying and shaking, i seriously thought all hope was lost this month.
oh and it cam up on a frer not the supposed 10mu internet test!!!
arrgghhh i want to scream it to the world, but i wont i'll keep it tucked up and hidden for a while

Blessed... SUPER NEWS!!!! your a week behind me.

GiGi - you continue to inspire me... I am stalking you madly this week, waiting for your news that you are feeling so positive about.

Skybie - Do we have a verdict??? did that faintest line become darker in the preceeding days? BUSTING to know.

Chez - Tears in my eyes... Congratulations!!!! You look after yourself.

Tashybabe - I am offering you warm comforting hugs. I cannot offer you any advice, I can only offer you my ear. Vent and rage, thats what we are here for. Lots of loves and hugs sweetie...

AFM - I am having a rough patch, 15 weeks today. dealing with solicitors about matthews death. Some people just shouldnt be in certain feilds.

Lady tess look up!

:leap: I just spotted the start of your post in Tapatalk, Skybie - congratulations! :leap:


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks ;)

Skybie - WOOT. I must have been typing my last post while you were typing through tears of joy. I am LOL at your "ripping my uterus out and slapping it" it is amazing I have felt the same way. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!

Oooooo....I just had to pop in here and stalk you Skybie. I had a feeling this might have been the case! Im excited for you, and praying for a happy and healthy pregnancy for you hun.... :)

Congratulations Skybie :) I know the feeling of wanting to

:

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rip out my uterus and slap it

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I think we can all relate Lol

Skybie - OMG - well done you! Congrats on that BFP!!!

Blessed - good to see you pop in. Good to hear things are going well with your button.

Judy - good to see you here sweetie.... like everything, sometimes there are is loads of activity in here and sometimes not. You just picked a lull. You didn't chase anyone away. I haven't been in for ages.... a succession of illnesses meant no TTC here... :( But hopefully that will change? He he.

Tashy - oh sweetie..... my dear sweet blossom. Call me anytime. Anytime. To cry, to ask questions, to yell, to shout. I am here. To talk about Jude and Leo. To talk about anything. I know how lonely the path you are walking is. I know what it's like. The only thing you need to focus on now is you. Be gentle on yourself. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You have crated two beautiful boys. For reasons we will never understand they could not stay, but you have done the most amazing thing of all - created new life with love and anticipation. You are a wonderful mother, never doubt that. NEVER. I know these words seem so hollow when all you want is to be having your boys alive and well at home with you. In the very essence of my being, I know you are anything but a failure, and I know you are a beautiful wonderful mother, wife, daugther, woman.

If you're worried about not being able to do daily tasks - then my suggestion is each day write a list of two or three things and try to do them. It could be (a) have a shower before 5pm (b) unload the dishwasher. I found that doing those lists helped me get a sense that I had achieved something and for a little while helped me feel less aimless each day. I would also make lists for doing nice things for myself like (a) pat the cat (b) smell a flower (c) sit in the sun and just breathe (d) get a hot drink. I kept my little lists, and now when I go back to them it seems so odd, but then I remember the crippling grief, and I remember how those little lists helped me through.

There is no normal now for you for a while, well not normal as you used to know it.... your normal for a little while, is the pain you feel and trying to get through each moment. For me normal was not an option. I tried to go out into the world and often was overwhelmed by it...... I got very used to doing things in the world with tears streaming down my face and ignoring the curious looks of strangers. I got used to sitting the the car crying trying to muster the courage to get out into the world. I got very used to being home alone because it was all too much.

When you're grieving a second time around, people are far less tolerant of your grief, and far less likely to ask after you.

There is a way through my sweet. You don't have to be strong, or brave. You just have to be you and do the best you can every day. You are brave and you are strong, but I know it doesn't feel that way. I also know that people say things like that because they think about themselves and have no idea how they would cope. Coping is doing what you need to do to get through, and it looks brave and strong from the outisde when people don't have access to how it really feels or what thoughts really go through your mind. It's not glamourous, and it's not easy..... but I believe in you. I BELIEVE IN YOU. I carry you and your boys in my heart, always.

No go ladies, I have started my next cycle. A minor set back but trying to stay on course. xoxo to all of you cheering me on, please don't give up just yet. xoxo HM x

Hello ladies,

Skybie, woot woot! Great work hun, congrats again! Keeping everything crossed for you lovely and lots of sticky vibes for you hun :stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy:

Lady Tess, big hugs hun:hug:

Blessed, GL next Friday hun!

Dory, hello gorgeous, I always love your words of wisdom :)

Tash, as always, I am always keeping you in my thoughts and your beautiful boys :hug:

Gigi, sorry it wasn't your turn YET. I ain't giving up on you my dear friend!

Angelicdragon, hope you're going OK hun :hug:

Hello to everone else!

AFM, ain't gona be in here for a while is seems :( DF told me he needs a breather for a while while he looks for a new job and we look for a house. I sort of got a date out of him (Nov. this year) as I said it had to be this year that we start and it's not good to leave it too close to xmas. Bummer, not happy Jan!!

B xoxox

Thanks B. xoxo

Hope the end of the year comes quickly...just for you hun. For me it can come slowly. xoxo

Sneaking in...

Gigi- I really hope this cycle is the one for you. I'm not giving up hope! It will happen :) xxx

Hi girls- hope you're all well xxx

Sending baby dust to y'all

:babydust:

Sneaking out...


Sent from my iPhone (via Tapatalk) so please forgive the spelling mistakes...

Hiya LnD, Thank you hun, How's your little bump going? How are you feeling. Boy time is ticking on. xoxo

Good Gigi :) have a trace of perigestational bleed picked up on a scan on thurs... so kind of crapping myself. :/ bit worried but bump is growing. Hr of 176bpm and s/he is 2.3 cms crl! Time is flying. (not fast enough! Lol) Hanging for 12 week scan.

Thanks for asking. I really hope it's your month. Im getting my mummy voice out and demanding that your DH swimmers find and swim into your eggy... and your eggy listens and implants to keep nice and warm... Lol :) xx much love xx


Sent from my iPhone (via Tapatalk) so please forgive the spelling mistakes...

Gigi hun I'm so sorry this month wasn't yours. I hope AF is being gentle to you xxx

Gigi - a minor set back as you say. The kind of postivity you radiated this month is going to prevail. Hoping for a sticky BFP real soon x
LnD - hope the bleed sorts itself out & all is well at your 12 week scan.
Miss B - sorry DH has put the brakes on. Hope Nov is the magical month for you if not before.
Dory - I hope your run of being ill is over & it's fun times ahead of bd'ing & BFP's. All the best!
AngelicDragon - lol at scaring us away - not gonna happen ;) Hope your travelling along ok...
Skykie - fabulous news sweets - a big congrats from me!
Lady Tess - what a tough time for you. Wishing you strength to get through it all & to deal with the people who make times like this all the more difficult.
Compassion should be a pre requisite for some of these professions!!
AFM....guess I am in the 2WW altho not feeling part. confident. Only DTD a couple of times (CD14 & 15) but throwing it out there anyway. Not sure how I will feel if I ever get to see those 2 bluelines again. I told you guys about DH sperm DNA fragmentation issues right - 81% which is off the richter of bad. After a month plus of clean living we decided to get back on the horse anyway. Already having 2 perfect chillens we are just going to let the universe decide our fate. I am fed up with waiting quite frankly. Anyway, enough already....
Hi to everyone I've missed - thinking of you all xxxx

LND- Bugger hun, hope it all clears up with no hassels for little cherub in there. I hope it will be fine. Keep us in touch, we think of you often. I just can't believe you are nearly 10 wks...crazy brilliant!

Skybie- Thanks my friend. Yep...i will be in toe, you just watch. Close up your rear...hope you don't mind;)

MT2- Well I will e confident for you darl, good luck....not that you will need it;). I hope with all my heart you get the surprise of your life and the universe decided to help you complete your little family. You are a patient lady and that deserves rewarding.

LadyT- Glad I can inspire but my love...I am in awe of you. What you must be dealing with right now would blow my mind. Your little moosh growing on the inside and Matthew a close reminder on your shoulder. Which i know you can handle but to top it off dealing with legalities and solicitors...my darling girl you are amazing. It is incredible what strength our children can give us hey! I hope you only have kind and open people to deal with from hear on in...but as that might be a stretch, I am sending you the strength to deal with them. My Psychologist said the other day a little quip to remember when we are floored with someones idiocy...'Stupid people, say stupid things!' Just so true... and sure we can all be stupid and innocently so sometimes, but how true for the most part. xoxo Thinking of you and vent in here anytime should you need to get it off your chest. xoxoxo

AFM- Well it a fresh start...I have to run right now but will be back later. xoxo
Ok, i am back. It has been a long day with my adorable nephews and I am fading fast so will keep it quick. AF has been quite a deal this month...not nice at all and I am a bit over her already... CD3 nearly done and gone...and counting. Note to self- must order more Ov sticks.
My neck has been interesting- stiff and very sore. Today has been a huge improvement and it is almost back to normal. Not nice when you can't wash your hair without pain, get toilet paper without feeling your neck will break...oh yes, it have been an interesting and agonising few days. I tend to think it was emotionally linked but apart from the obvious...i can't work it out. Anyway the main thing is- it has improved tenfold.
A lot going on in my head right now but for now...under control. xoxo
A bit flat in mood to be writing for myself so i will leave it there. it is always hard to find the chirpy things to talk about when you are so tired. xoxo

Congrats Skybie and now the wait begins. I hope all goes well for you hun. Time for some happiness now after the sadness.

Gigi so sorry this was not your month hun. :( Big hugs and roll on TTC the new cycle.

Dory I hope all the sickies have now left your household.

I've been away a few days, went over to Melbourne and came back with a souvenir, not a nice one though. My car is going to be towed away today after a light pole fell on it while we out on the Nepean Hwy in Mordialloc. Just turning off and the car in front of us hit the light pole head on after a skid and it fell on our car. On a lighter front (no pun intended there) I am in the 2ww after the miscarriage at the start of the month and NTNP so who knows...

Good luck to everyone.

Hey ladies...

I am having a major anxiety week this week. I need some info.

I have a specialist appointment thursday and I have myself convinced she is going to find something wrong... I know stupid. Matthew was perfect, nothing happened to him in utero
but I guess I am just being over anxious about everything.

The question I need to ask you lovely caring ladies is. If there is something "fataly" wrong I will miscarry wont I? I dont even know if I am offending anyone here. I really dont mean to, and I think you all know me a little better than that. I am just trying to cope. I am sorry if I have caused stress.

Gigi I am sorry it wasnt your month hun. ((HUGS))

Kateo - has anyone heard from her??? how is she going to we know?

To all the other ladies out there with BFPs and BFPs-to-be. HUGE MASSIVE TESSIE HUGS...

Angelic Dragon...my god thankfully you were not in your car at the time. How incredible. xoxo Good luck with TWW.

Tess- That is a tough one hun. Not offended for you asking. Look, my DD had a lot wrong with her and they were surprised she lived as long as she did. Babies can actually die weeks before they are born. So I am afraid i don't have comforting things to say on that front as we have all learned...a lot CAN go wrong, but more often than not it doesn't go wrong- infact it goes a whole lot right! So normal to feel irrational right now when you know the above is always possible, but all i can say is this...

Find strength in your baby growing and know that it might be even more scared than you. Find that motherly lion inside of you and protect that baby from too much fear. Bubs needs you to find your strength and pull through. I don't know what you believe but I believe Bubs is very aware on a spiritual and physical level and can feel you, can learn from you and can teach you even at this early stage. Feeding anxiety will not serve either of you and will not change a thing. Try everything you can to enjoy this moment and the next, not because it might be the last but because it exists, if that makes sense. I hope to combat my fears this way when the time comes so i will call on you to remind me...how very challenging it is but also how very empowering to defeat. I know you can get through this and if you just need to off load...without the opinions and suggestions on how to handle it...rant away my friend. Sometimes i think that can be so helpful to blurt out all your feelings only to find the answers yourself.
I hope Specialist has plenty of good things to say that will last you until the next appointment. It was going to be inevitable that you find this tough, but the universe didn't realise you know have an extra tool under your belt...you are a Mother and the strength of a Mother will flatten anything should it be needed.
Good luck sweety. Concentrate on the good. Get a visualisation going for yourself...walking out of that office thrilled with the result, beeming with love and skipping to the car. ;) What ever happens, it will be what it will be and you will handle it perfectly. xoxoox

Thanks for asking after me , Tess, your new little one is due the same day Ellen was due only two years later!
I still pop in and read but rarely post as I just don't have the energy for persies and I can't keep up very well. I feel bad I am crap at supporting all these wonderful women properly.
I am now 33 weeks and trying hard not to stress too much but having gestational diabetes and having to cope with going to 38 weeks is doing my head in a bit.
I stop work at the end of next week so that should give me more time.
I haven't yet worked up the courage to sort out Ellens things and make room for the new bub in the nursery......I hope I do something soon!
We have bought a bassinet but beyond that neither of us seem to be able to face getting ready for an earthside baby.

Tess big hugs. I will be praying your Dr will tell you everything is ok. I am sorry to hear of Matthew :( The worst diseases and afflictions do often result in m/c early on. I guess I have to believe that in order to cope with having 9 m/c and countless chem pg. If there wasn't something wrong then why else would so many be lost. My stillborn angel was perfect, she just got tangled in her umbilical cord.

Kateo yes it can be hard thinking of having an earthside baby after a stillborn angel, but you have to try to find the happiness and joy for this new baby. I know it is hard but this new baby also deserves all the joy and expectations you felt for Ellen.

Dory unfortunately we were in the car :( I have a very sore back, neck and hips but really don't want to report it or go to the Dr. My husband was in a very serious accident years ago and I still remember with dread all the forms I had to fill out for him because it was a car accident. I thought too I was in the 2ww but mucking around with HPT and opks today for the fun of it and lo and behold the opk test line was much darker than the control line, so maybe I am only just about to O and I am way too sore to even think of BD.

Has anyone ever noted after a m/c D&C how there are up to 3 wks of cm. I have to wear a panty liner and each day it is full of cloudy sort of CM. There is nothing yesterday or today though so hopefully it has now gone. Just had me concerned and wondering if I had picked up an infection.

Kate, I think hun you will wake up one morning and just get to doing it- the bedroom. I have total faith that you will get through this. I even think you will do it well. You will find that strength ...i am sure of it. Keep going love, not long now. Ask yourself some questions to go deeper into your feelings, and I truely think you will get to the other side. GD makes it a tough one, just do the best you can and that will be perfect. I won't crack the whip on you as i think you are doing what you can and you are being hard enough on yourself. Cheering on the end of work though, so you have the time to face these things. xoxo Hugs hun.

Angelicdragon...my goodness you were in the car??!! That is horrendous, you are so lucky to get out of that with the few injuries you have. That is just madness. I have never had a D&C hun so can't help you with your question. Hope someone can help you with that. Hugs hun, hope you feel much better soon. Car accidents throw so much up in the air and remind you how precious love and life is. xoxoxo

AFM- AF is giving me a good kick up the bum atm giving it's last hoorah...CD5 now. I will be glad when this one is gone. Ouchy and grumpy. I am getting in to the chiro today thankfully and i can fix this lovely neck of mine. Will be nice to put the hot packs away.
Made some scrummy muffins today...healthy enough too.

3lge or 4sml Bananas,mashed...or Cooked Pie apple (about 400g cooked)( you could use a tin of sliced apple if desired. I have done this once before and it was fine.
100g honey
200g spelt wholemeal flour
1/2 teas salt
1 teas bicarb
2 tabs butter, melted
8 dates, chopped
1 egg

180oC oven, makes 9 muffins...i can't remember how long they took...but not long, keep checking for a spring when pressed.
Large bowl, place apple or banana in bowl with honey. Mix very lightly. Sift in flour, bicarb and salt. Mix lightly...about 4 strokes. Melt butter and chopped dates with a tabs of water. When butter is melted add to bowl of fruit and flour. Just combine then add 1 egg and lightly mix through. Spoon into muffin trays and bake. Enjoy...nice and light, scrummy and wholesome. xoxoox Add some nuts for fun if you like.

I best duck off now and get ready for chiro. The house is a mess but i will deal with that when i get back. I was supposed to do it last nigth but DH needed my attention. His work has become very stressful again and it is just horrible the aggression and bullying going on. Unbelievable. My poor man, it makes me feel sick to the stomach. xoxo

Hello Lovely Ladies,
Sorry I have been quiet on here for a while. James's EDD was the 7th of July which was a day of all emotions. I should have been as big as a whale complaining "why wont this baby come out!!" Instead we were lighting candles missing our gorgeous son! As I was 3 days late I decided to test and got a :bfp:! Lots of tears followed as you all can imagine. Now I have gone from obsessively thinking about getting pregnant to trying not to think about this pregnancy. I dont know if it is a defense mechanism that I am trying not to get too attached just yet. I know that it is silly as we didnt lose James until our 27th week. I dont have an appointment with my dr until the 5th of August so just trying not to drive myself insane before then.
Gigi - Hi honey I was reading your posts that I have missed and I am so disappointed for you that AF showed up. I so want a beautiful baby for you and your husband. It is so unfair that a lovely couple that obviously would be the best parents ever are being denied the opportunity. This month will be your month. I have my fingers and everything crossed for you. Your muffins sound amazing, I might have a crack at them tomorrow :)
Ladytess - How did you go at your appointment today? I thought the same as you - if there was something that wrong with my baby the pregnancy would end early. I felt so ****ed off that whoever is in charge let us get to 27 weeks before taking our son. I am not sure how I will be during this pregnancy, I have had a few moments of panic already as I dont feel that rush of love that I have in my last 2 pregnancies. Maybe after an ultrasound all will change?
Kateo - Only 5 weeks to go! Your so amazing working up until this point! We had everything ready for James's arrival and I am already feeling the same, will I look at all of the stuff and think of it as his stuff? It really sucks that all of us women on here have been cheated out of a fun, carefree exciting pregnancies that women who have never experienced a loss has. The pregnancies we had before our worlds changed.
Tashybabe - Just a quick note to say I think of you and your beautiful boys often and much love to you and your family.
To everyone else I have missed I am sorry - I will try and be more diligent in my posts - I felt guilty that we got a positive test so quickly when I know how long alot of you have been trying for.
Much love to everyone
Trace

A HUGE congratulations for you EmJ....Just fantastic news that you will be welcoming a new little baby into your life. You deserve such happiness despite the obvious turmoil it brings that we are all too familiar with. Thank you for your warm wishes for me and DH too. I hope we are following in your footsteps real soon.
I am glad you got to spend time thinking about James in such a special way and at the same time welcoming a new gift...from him i believe, into your life. Very special. What a wonderful connection.
I am off...to help Dh get ready for work. There is so much rubbish going on at his work but i am thrilled to say we are both feeling very empowered about it all. Nice knowing you have done what you can and the other person is proceeding to make more mess for himself. Thankfully he has now dug his own grave. Horrid, revolting man...it still shocks me a bit that people can be this way. Lessons learnt!

love and hope for you all xoox HM

Kateo - I agree with Judy... it's ok for this baby to be welcomed with love and anticipation.... but I know just how hard it is to find that when you're so scared about history repeating itself... and to be honest we did very little to prepare for Hannah... it's just all bound up with guilt. Guilt that you can't muster the same enthusiasm for this new baby, guilt that you couldn't bring home Ellen. I just couldn't face the prospect of a nursery. But it was also like Gi said, one day we just woke up and said "we give ourselves permission to do this"..... and so do our wee ones....... all we did was buy a cot and put it up and get a bassinette and a change table. No decorating or anything like that. Really they don't need a whole lot of things. The baby will have you and your love. The rest will come. So what am I saying? Whatever happens will be the right thing for you and this baby.

Judy - I can't say as I've not had that experience.... but hope the cm "dries up" soon, well just long enough to then be ewcm for some BD'ing!

EJ's congrats on your BFP! That is awesome. It's a very hard journey you're just about to embark on.... but you can do it.

Gi - glad AF has left! Hope you and DH avoid being contaminated with the noxious vibes from person from work. Those muffins do sound nice.

AFM? Well I have another cold, I think mine is a continuation of one from 3 weeks ago that never really left. H has one as well - her nose is streaming and her eyes are all red... but she is just the cutest little button.

Lady Tess - oh sweetie, it is so hard not to worry. I hope the specialist appointment gave you some answers that helped your anxiety. Hugs.