TTC after Late Loss, Recurrent Miscarriage or Stillbirth ~ #5 2011

I haven't read the posts, but I wanted to say :hello: to all of my lovely ladies.. :hug:

Hi ladies,

I was wondering if I may join you all..... I have been reading your posts and wow you are all very strong women :grouphug:

Gee I have sat here wanting to post for awhile but words kinda escape me - highly unusual for me!

We said goodbye to our boy Hugh in August at exactly 14 weeks. We have his memorial service at the hospital on Wed, it is a service preformed in the Chapel for babies (under 20 weeks) who were too beautiful for this world..... Then their ashes are taken to the 'angel garden'.......

It is on Wed, I was meant to be due on Wed 29 Feb, we said goodbye on Wed 31 August, and now the service is on Wed..... I hate Wednesdays....

Hmmm sorry for messy rant....

So I guess we are kinda trying and that's what brings me here....

So hi ladies .......

Chepie, Welcome and so sorry you have had to find us. Hugh, what a gorgeous and strong name for you treasured little boy. Whenever you like you can tell your story ...as little or as much detail as you like. Your story will no doubt be healing for you to tell, but also for us to hear. No one should ever have to go through losing a child and it changes you hun. You are perfectly in order to think what you like about wednesdays. Over time....it 'may' change and it may become a reminder of meeting your little man. It may become the most special day, but then again it may not.

So hi back to you and wishing you much luck to fall pregnant when you are both ready. xoxo Hug HM

BAL- How are you going love? You are an incredible mother. How is Jett going. I am sorry i don't really go outside this thread...can be a bit tough to do so sometimes. Thinking of you anyway and wishing you much love. xoxoxo

Hello ladies, been a while hasn't it. We are doing fine. I had a nice brown paper parcel turn up this week which need i say got me into trouble twice in the first night. A few keepers and a few to return but worth the exercise for a bit of fun and to feel nice. No more detail needed...i have to keep reminding myself this is the www! CD 21...this month i am day for date which helps me keep track a little easier. Who knows what is ahead. I am busy though so apart from waiting on dates, i am leaving no time to think about it.

Better run. Got a week to get my little DD her stocking sorted to put a thought or a message in every day until Christmas.

Hi Lovely Ladies,
I got to have my first ultrasound today!6 weeks and 5days! So exciting and scary! BOTH babies are doing well! I am still in shock! I bawled like a baby! I couldn't believe that there was two little heartbeats in there!
Sorry I dont have anything else today say right now I think I am still in shock! So I was high risk before so I dont know what this all means for me and bubs but hopefully all will be ok. I will be back soon to do a proper post!

EmJa....Incredible news hun. Congrats on two little munchkins. xoxoxox I think i woul dhave been floored with the news! How very exciting.

Ej - I know, I've been there... it's so super exciting, and so super scary all at once. Try not to worry too much, right now you are a mumma to two beautiful little souls, enjoy the very special feelings that go along with a twin pregnancy. Yes, they are higher risk, but I know loads of people who carry twins. In fact my friend got to 37 weeks, which is full term and her two were just over 3kg each. She was high risk too before all of that. Go and celebrate my friend, and in a while it will sink in and your feet will touch the ground, but for now, just enjoy the moment, both the excitement and the trepidation.

It has been quiet in here lately. Just popping in to say hi and send love to you lovely ladies. This time of year can really be tough...I have felt the wrath of Christmas already for its ups and downs.
I am just about ovulate and i am achey. I might have a cyst, from CD9/10 it has been building with pressure. Hope it is just a good egg. Or maybe i don't. We have really been struggling lately and we are feeling like things are over for us and maybe just maybe we are ready to look at the next step of moving on from this wretched journey of heartache. I have unfortunately had a bit to deal with lately...nothing serious but all as a result of stress i suspect, the stress that comes hand in hand with this path. I want to scream, run...you know, you all know what i am feeling. Thankfully you all do. It has been too long, we have lost so much. It saddens me that i feel like my full potential was never reached. I now feel like there is not enough of me to reach that precipice. I always thought i would be a wonderful mum, now i have to look at being a fantabulous aunty to my nephews and one on the way.
I got to experience birth and the incredible love you feel for your child. I got to feel pregnant and the incredible knowing that comes with that. Knowing you are important and needed, special, never alone, beautiful and apart of something bigger. Oh bugger...will have to finish this later.
We are lost, we are heartbroken and we are done.
Love and thanks to you all ladies, you are incredible mothers to wonderful children. It has been a pleasure knowing you all. I am sorry i have to go. oxoxoxox
PM me if anyone ever needs anything. I will keep my account but i will rarely be in unless called to be. Much love and luck to you all. xoxoxoxo

Go gently Gi. You will be missed and remembered with love.

Gigi :hug: I'm so sorry to read such pain. I'm travelling, so havent been on much. I wish so much I could fix this for you. You are a beautiful woman, a loving mummy. I know we all have our limits. I wish you strength, love, happiness and peace on your next path in life. We're here for you whenever you need us. I'll miss you. Your words if support have been a lifesaver at times and I thank you for that. Without the kindness and understanding of you and others in our sad group, I dont think I'd have been able to make it this far.

To everyone else, I'll write more when we're home again. Take care.

Oh Gigi, you ARE a wonderful mummy :hug: The best! I'm actually lost for words :( I will miss you and your wonderful words of love and wisdom and support that you've given me over the years. I wish you all the very best for the next chapter in your life. Don't forget us, and pop in to say hello now and then. Much love and lots of hugs.

B xoxoxo

Gigi - sending strength & love your way - you are a remarkable woman & without sll the wonderful people like yourself on BB I honestly think I would have gone mad.
Going through some tough times here as well - almost ready to throw in the towel :( I do have 2 beautiful cherubs for which I am eternally grateful but it doesn't negate the pain of 4 losses & longing for one more.
Oh, it is a wretched journey we have been forced to take. I hope I wake up tomorrow with a little more strength. I hope you lovelies find happiness & strength too xxxx

Thanks Girls, Dores, Miss B and Lions and Mummyto2, You are all wonderful. Thank you.
MT2 you know i don't think having your children takes from the pain either, if your family is incomplete you feel it, you know it and it can tear your heart in two. I am sorry you are feeling helplessness and tough times too. I hope this gets easier for you, i really do.

Thank you ladies, i leave with much love in my heart...from you all. oxoxxo Thank you and my warmest thoughts for you all. xoxo

Hi Lovely Ladies
Oh Gigi, Im so sad to see your going but understand why. We found out yesterday one of our twins had passed a few weeks ago. Our other twin is doing well but I am just broken. How can I lose 3 babies in one year? How can this be what is meant for me and my family? I know I should be happy for the baby that is still fighting hard in there and I must seem so selfish to be so upset. The drs cant say the odds of the live twin making it to term but everything is fine so far but the poor little peanut surely the odds are well and truly against them? I am 10 weeks today. Further along than the last miscarriage so that is something I guess.
I am sorry ladies such a me me me post again, I hope everyone else is having a better time!
Coming into Christmas I have been horribly emotional, should be buying presents for our son James and we are not. We should be a family of 4 but we are still only 3. I dont know how many more losses I can take before we give up on the whole baby making process. I just wish the Drs could tell us why it keeps happening and fix me!!
Much love and sticky babies to you all!
Love Trace

EmilyJames - oh sweetie..... I have walked your path, and it's a very very difficult one. Grieving for the baby you've lost whilst still carrying their live sibling is simply very hard. You're trying to do two things at once, and even though women are excellent multi-taskers, those two tasks are the hardest to combine. My heart goes out to you. Do what you must. It is not disrespectful to peanut to grieve their twin, and it is not disrespectful to the wee little twin to nuture peanut. It would be wrong for Dr's to give you the "chances" that you so desperately want. My advice? Just believe in little peanut. I know of a few women who have lost one of a twin ship ad successfully carried the remaining twin to a be a healthy term baby.

Lady Tess - I just realised you're 37 weeks now! OMG - I'd better starting checking the BA's...... hope you're going ok. Sending you lots of love and strength for this part of your journey.

M2T - it's hard isn't it, when you have a beautiful baby (babies on your case) and you are eternally grateful and know you have been blessed, but your heart aches for what is lost, and hopes for one more. And grieves for the one more who may not be because you've lost the strength to keep trying ...... oh sweetie, hugs.

LionsnBears - hope that jet lag is not getting the better of you. Where did you jet off to? Did you feel any different while you were away, even just for a moment?

AFM - 12 weeks today, and amazing achievement, but not enough to reassure me. But of course it won't. The only real reassurance is to make it to the dream ending of a healthy at term bubs. Thankfully though HB is a great distraction as I hardly get any time to worry as much as I once did. The other great distraction is almost constant nausea and extreme fatigue. They are big distractions. I thought I could be stoic about both, but some days, some days those two combined just sap my strength and on those days, I feel ever so sorry for myself. I know I am very blessed to be given this opportunity to be pregnant with little Raspberry Bear, but sometimes the journey seems too much, not just the symptoms, but the emotional one. Ahh this is why I shouldn't have too much time to ponder....

Anyway, I had a parenting fail moment yesterday. Well an obvious one. HB was getting out of the bath, and fell and hit her head right in front of me. I swore out of sheer fright as I thought she had split her head. Thankfully not, and no concussion it appears. I am not usually much of a drama queen, but I have that awful image of HB falling and hitting her head right in front of me, and the almost instant egg and bruise on her head, just running around in my head. That feeling is almost as tough to deal with as the grief of your babies dying. But I suppose the core feeling is the same - failing your child. Oh dear, I am a weepy one today and HB has awoken. Time for me to be away.

Hi ladies

It's been very quiet here.

EJ - I am sorry to read you've lost a bub. That is so hard. I hope your other bubby is safe and sound snuggled inside mummy. I'm sorry I didn't congratulate you earlier. Subsequent pregnancy is hard enough without grieving one bub whilst hoping for the other. I hope you have lots of support

Gigi - thinking of you beautiful lady. I also hope you have lots of support. You are alsways a mummy to your beautiful little girl :hug:

chepie - congratulations on your pregnancy too. I know you will be anxious, especially leading up to the time you lost Hugh. Lean on us as you need.

Mummyto2 - how are you going? Were you getting extra testing? Sorry, I can't remember

BAL - you and Jett are always on my mind and I read your blog religiously. Sending you both loads of strength honey. You sound exhausted. Anything you need, let me know. Lots of cyber hugs for you both.

dory - I've been stalking your posts in the PAL thread. I know you're getting close to cerclage time. I hope you're doing OK. I'm here if you want to chat anytime. Rest up as much as you can with a toddler. I hope you're feeling better. Babies fall all the time - you were there and couldnt have prevented it. Try not to beat yourself up

Lady Tess - not long now. hope you're well

AFM. Well, we got back Sunday night & by Monday night I had the flu. I'm slowly getting better but I am weak as a kitten and so tired. Jetlag, long haul flights etc are yuk. We did enjoy the trip. Sadly, I spent most of it sick with a cold. At least I could do things though, so it wasn't wasted. I just dont do cold climates - such a sook I know :)

We caught up with people we love and said goodbye again which was sad. One dear couple's marriage is falling apart which is heartbreaking. Infertility and other things have taken their toll. It's so sad as they're both lovely people. We met the couple in Scotland with their rainbow baby and we had a hold and a lovely lunch. It was a relief to know we got along in person as well as online. Would have been awkward otherwise :)

We did a bit of sightseeing in Scotland, but we were mostly there to see people, so that's what we did. We did see a bit of Spain, which was lovely. Got very footsore tramping through the Alhambra in Granada and the Mezquita in Cordoba. And through it all, I was sad. Sad we didnt have a 16 month old with us. Sad we weren't home with a newborn. Just sad.

We had already concluded before leaving that it was time for me to start ADs and the trip wasn't a miracle cure at all. If anything, my ability to cope with crowds & anxiety etc was tested. So I started them this week. Apparently it will take a couple of weeks to kick in. I realised the risk to not being on them was higher than the risk to being on them and I just dont have enough fight left to do this on my own.

The lead up to Xmas has been hell. In a way, having the flu and being stuck at home is a relief. I dont have to hear Xmas carols or see Xmas deocrations or pretend to be happy when we're not. We're thinking of spending the day at home watching the Godfather trilogy.

As for DNA testing - there's one last thing being done. They're testing Jude's DNA against Leo's to see if the elusive mutation that was found in Leo but not DH is in Jude. If it is, it means that Leo's condition wasn't spontaneous like they think it was and that will change things. I dont know the timeline on that. Hopefully by the end of the year, but it may be longer. It's not considered urgent.

Sorry I'm not more chipper. I'd day here's hoping 2012 is better than 2011, but I said that last year and look how this year turned out. Instead, I wish us all the resiliance to get through whatever comes our way.

Take care

EJ I am so sorry. I can't even fathom your conflicting feelings. I can only offer you hugs and prayers. Xx

Dory.... BA was a week or so ago lol I have only been home for a week. Low fluid and anxiety led doctors to band together and agree to bring lil Max early (36 weeks) but because I had already had a bleed 2 weeks prior I had had steroid injections, so they were very confident everything would go ok. And it did!! He is only a little pixie of a thing, tipping the scales at 5 pound. I now cannot stop staring at him. CSection turned up a little more than we bargained for. Seems I was risking more than my sanity this pregnancy, seems I have a split uterus, never completely formed. ( explains why he was always to the right)

Hello lovely ladies,
Just popping in to say a quick hello to you all. I have noticed it is very quiet in here lately. I hope that Christmas and New Year was kind to you all. I found it hard as it should have been James' first Christmas. Plus a few family members have new babies so that was hard to deal with, trying to be happy on the outside while inside your heart is just breaking.
I am nearly at the 14 week mark and bub is hanging in there. They have upped my dose of Clexane to 80mg a day, I have some amazing bruises from these :). We had our NT scan done on the 3rd of Jan and as expected had high risk results. But seeing that bub has a nasal bone, and the neck measurements were within normal limits we are not really that worried. Also bub was very uncooperative so we had an extra long ultrasound and everything checked out perfect. We are not doing an amnio anyway so it doesnt matter either way really.
Thank you all for your thoughts when I posted that we lost one of our twins. I keep wanting to say babies when I talk about bub. I have had some coloured discharge for the last month or so, it is driving me insane, drs dont know why? They think it is the other twin "vanishing".
I got my Christmas present in the mail today! A necklace with a pendant on it "I love you to the moon and back", one with my DD name on it and one with James's name on it. I also got filagree angel wings on there also, one for James and one for the miscarriage I had in august at nearly 9 weeks. I will have to get another for our lost twin but will wait until this baby is here so I can get both at once (trying to be positive!)
I am desperate to find out the sex of this baby where it has never been an issue with my other 2 bubs. I just feel the more I know the more power I have lol. As we all know we know nothing and have no power over anything really!!
Gigi - I hope your still stalking us as I want you to know I think of you often and the words thankyou are just not enough for the support you gave when I first joined this group.
I better go and feed my DD, for a 6 year old she is eating me out of house and home these school holidays! I cant keep the food up to her lol.
Much love to you all and sticky dust to you all. Big hugs for when you need them too xoxo

EmilyJames - 14 weeks - fantastic!! Glad to hear all is going well apart from the discharge. So will you definitely find out bubs sex at 19 week scan?
Glad you got through xmas ok too hun - I have a few bew bubbas around me also & while I love them to bits it only brings home what I should have but don't :(
What I do have though is a hungry 6yo like you who is eating me out of house & home also this school holidays :)
How is everyone else travelling? It has been awefully quite in here lately. I just want someone to break the drought again with some good news. Not me this month I'm afraid & with my trip to Scotland planned for March
not too sure what to do about the whole ttc thing.....At this stage I think we will keep battling on & let the universe decide.
Anyway, love to all - would love to hear everyones news xxxx

i just got a faint BFP bit excited :dance:but totally nervous too..eeek :) :pray:

woo hoo cindee - fingers crossed. Keep us posted on your progress.
Sticky vibes to you lovey....xxxx

Hi ladies,
I was hoping to ask your opinion of something? We will soon be beginning to TTC our rainbow, after losing our precious Poppy who was born sleeping in December. We know already we have a 50% chance of any other children we conceive having the same heart condition as Poppy, so the pg will be VERY high risk.

My question is regarding care for our next pg. Did you go through a private OB? Or did any of you go through a Maternal Fetal Medicine/Perinatal Unit and if so how do you get referred to one? We had bi-weekly scans in the last 6 weeks of my pg with Poppy at the Perinatal unit at Mercy Heidleberg, but it was sort of shared care with my OB. He has already said he won't see me next time since he doesn't know enough about the heart condition.

I would just like to control all the things I can control, since I know full well I can't control the outcome, but I can at least be prepared as best I can.

I hope it's ok that I have asked.

Bec

Hi Bec

Do you have contact with someone like a genetic counsellor at Mercy? Apart from our IM, our main point of contact was with our genetic counsellor. We had the option of going through the Maternal Fetal Medicine unit at RWH, but as we have PtSD relating to hospitals, we chose not to. We ended up using them anyway when we found out DS2 was sick.

For next time, we've had a pre-conception meeting with an OB who is prepared to do shared care with our IM. That means we can have half our meetings at home with our IM and half at a hospital with a private OB. If needed, we can always go back to a MFM unit.

The benefit of public is that you have access to tertiary level care for free. The downside us seeing a different person. I'd talk to either a genetic counsellor or consulting OB at Mercy about whether or not you can see one person.

The benefit of private is having a relationship with one person, the downside is the cost. I imagine you'll want to be reviewed by a neonatologist as well. We're planning on lining up a paediatrician in advance. In our case, we dont know the risk of reoccurance for either condition.

I'm happy to talk on the phone if you'd like. It may be easier to explain.

Bec - ahh it's so nice to hear you say those words, that you're thinking of TTC. You know it takes a lot of courage, especially when your pregnancy will be high risk. Mine were high risk but for different reasons. I was shared care with Maternal Fetal Medicine and OBS, for HB, but thankfully only ever ended up needing minimal assistance for the FM.

If you have private health insurance cover, I would go private. The continuity of care that you receive is something that I found the most beneficial. I know your Obs has said he won't see you next time, so you'll have to explain your history to the new Obs, but once told, you won't have to tell that Dr again. And if you get the right one, they will be super sensitive and super accomodating of you. The Obs I see will ALWAYS see me for a reassurance appointment and scan. ALWAYS, no matter ho busy he is. That in itself is a hug reasurrance. I don't have to go and sit at AnE waiting waiting waiting. In AnE they don't usually triage maternal anxiety highly. It's a pretty tough road to be pregnant again after late loss. You might have to tell each new specialist you see, though. If you need tertiary level care that can't be provided for at the hossy you're at, you/bubs will be transferred, though possibly not at the same time. If you have the option available to you from the start, go to an Obs that delivers at a tertiary care level hospital.

I recommend you do some research into Obs that specialise in cardiac issues for bubs, and also as Tash said, a paediatrician in your area. You can do this by asking your Obs, or the Tertiary Level Care Hospital ( they will have consultants who they should be able to say who's on staff, or just look them up on the hossy web site, as most hossies have staff bio's) or by calling the FRANZCOG and seeing if they keep a list of Dr's that specialise in that subspeciality, and same for a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist.

Once you have some names and you're happy with them, you can ask your GP for a referral to the Obs. The Obs will then refer you to the FM. In relation to a paed, you can always just ask the new Obs once you see them and same for a neonatalogist. Though you may not have as much choice here.

It will involve a fair bit of leg work on your part, but it might help you to have some sense of control over some of the process. It really depends on how much control you need but also how much $ you are willing to spend, as a specialist Obs will be more expensive, and even though you can claim from medicare and possibly your health fund for your apps, the gap will be at bit. For my Obs, the gap is about $60 per scheduled visit. But he usually gives me a free scan each visit and doesn't charge for the reassurance apps. Also when he can, for hospital procedures, he will bill the health fund direct, which means that he's absorbing the gap for that stuff.

So the things to ask a private obs in term of fees - fees for initial consults ( will be higher than regular consults), regular consults, whether you can have reassurance consults and whether you can call the obs if you're worried, what their management fee is. Scans and pathology will all be extra, but if you're worried about the cost of those, one way around the cost of pathology and to get your GP to request it and tick the BB code on the pathology form. I am not sure how much medicare rebates for scans if you're under 35. I was doing some reading the other day that suggested they didn't.

If you were in Qld, I would be able to ask my friends who they'd recommend for an obs that subspecialises in cardiac issues, but you're in Vic.

If you're going public, none of the above matters, as it's all out of your hands. As you're high risk it's not likely you would be seen by middies.

GL with your decision making process and TTC, once you're ready.

Hi ladies,

Just popped in to say hello to everyone and let you know that I do lurk in here sometimes following up on your progress! I was going to join you in here when I started my IVF cycle no. 3 earlier this month, but I think I underestimated all the emotions that come with it after having had a loss. So I joined the LT TTC and Assisted thread instead :) I though sharing the journey that comes with assisted conception, the thoughts, experiences and feelings would be closer to home in what I was actually doing. Anyway, I got my second line a few days ago and now I'm freaking out! Have my BT on Friday, but I can't get the thought out of my head that something will stuff it all up. Argh!!!!

Just a quick note to you Laney, I hope your birth goes very well for you hunni, you've done so well!

B xxx

Wonderful hunny!! Everything crossed for you xx

Thanks Sky, just praying it'a sticky bub. I don't know if one ever loses that fear that comes after a loss, I don't think I ever will! Good to see you plodding along nicely hunni, just a few more weeks for you! xoxox

Miss B - I have been holding back and not hounding you about this cycle, but I have been itching, just itching to ask. I remembered it was January!!!!! OMG, so excited for you. I can't say I understand exactly what it's like, but my bestie has been LTTC with assisted conception - so I get to hear what she says about it. I don't think you ever lose the fear sweets, it's just about finding ways to manage it. You will, you've done it before. I think though the second pregnancy after loss is actually harder in some ways. Or maybe it's just that memory is a slippery thing and I don't remember just how hard it was with HB, and you may not with Cam, but the here and now can be pretty intense. I find that with HB here it's so much harder to find time for me and my grief and anxiety - which pregnancy brings with it - but it's also a very real and deep understanding of what is lost when our baby dies, not something idealised or hoped? But on the plus side, there is some small measure of confidence that at least the body can get across the line.

Anyway, I hope your BT's show a super sticky bubs and you get to join the crazy roller coaster ride.

I can't believe Cam will be 2 in about a month or so.

Anyway, better go. GL, I have everything FX'ed for you.

Thanks hunni :hug: I know that when I come in here, all you ladies understand me perfectly and the fear that comes with a new pg. I've been following on and off your journeys and I have to say I am glad you're seeing your psych. Just before I started the cycle in January, so in December, I managed to go and get myself booked in to see my old psych (I've been seeing her for 3 years but stopped when Cam was about 6 months till now) and I have to say it's been fantastic. She helps me so much with managing my fear, anxiety and of course we always come back to Josh. Kinda puts everything in perspective and as you've said, she shows me how strong I am to have gotten through one pg successfully, and tells me I can do it again. Now I need to think like she does! With this IVF cycle, I find Cam a big distraction, which is great. I hope your psych is of great help to you too. It's good to see you travelling well too :)

clexane injections start today..

Thanks Dory & L&B for your info. Much appreciated xx

Cindee - GL sweetie. Stay snug lil one!!

Hello Lovely Ladies,
I am glad to see things are pretty positive in here! Cindee good luck with your clexane injections, I am on them too ( a little over it but a small price to pay :))
Had a scan on Tuesday and baby was measuring exactly how they should be at 16w and 6. So very happy. Finally starting to get excited now which I know is kinda silly as we can have a loss at any time. Set up the cot and bassinet the other night which was exciting as we didnt get to that stage with James - even tho I was 27 weeks with him. I am just trying to be excited and know that if there is another loss having to pack the nursery up will hurt but I cant keep living with "no we will wait just in case baby dies".
I failed the test at the booking in at the hospital - the depression one. Big shock there. I think they should have a different test for pregnant women who have lost children. Of course our feelings, moods etc are going to be all over the place compared to a pregnant women who has had easy trouble free pregnancies. I would like to go and see someone tho, my local GP suggested it a few months ago when I was first pregnant. I get very teary very easily and think maybe if I go and talk to someone that I might get it all out in one go?
How are you going with your preg Dory? We are pretty close with our EDD. My dr wont let me go past 38 weeks tho so I am due end of June :)
Does anyone hear from Gigi at all? If you are popping in and reading Gi I think of you often and hope your pup is settled in and not causing you too many problems:)
Well better go!
Good luck and sticky vibes to all the babies - I hope they know how much they are wanted and needed and stick tight for us!
Love to you all
Trace xo

Hi ladies.....

Well I am here again and I think I want to try again.... Though last week I wasn't even interested! The thought of the pain and anxiety of another pregnancy not making it has me terrified BUT the yearning that my family isn't finished is becoming overwhelming! Though I have hinted to my DH about it as DS was telling us that I need to grow another baby and I joking said well looks like we have to!! He ignored the comment..... its just after recent loss I said to him I am not sure I can do this again and he was so keen to try again but I think I have scared him off :o ......... so yep not sure where everything stands! Aghhhhhhh.......I am going to see a grief counsellor tomorrow to talk about things......... gee I sound like a looney!!

Anyways hope everyone is travelling ok...

Yay EmilyJames oxo

EmJ,
That was weird...I have not been in here in weeks and all of a sudden i got a email today that there was a new post in here. Well obviously that a heap of new posts, but a notice only came today and then i see your message my sweet. What a lovely surprise.

We are doing ok here love, pup is a little challenge disguised in adorable black glossy hair. We are getting there. Lovely to see you a pregnant hun and i hope all is going well.
My deepest apologies to all for not reading any further. I truely hope you are all doing well. It is best at the moment for me to be elsewhere to deal with out basket so to speak but you are all never far from my mind, i promise and should you ever need anything PM me anytime.

Much love and best wishes.

Gi - so glorious to see the green font!!! I miss you, but understand that here is not for you at the mo.

EJ - oh sweetie, I am so proud of you!! Setting up things for the baby. We don't have enough room to really do that, but I have been thinking about buying the baby something, and feeling that urge quite strongly. I am sorry that you got some shocking news about being depressed. I often complete the beyond blue depression checklist, but I like you think that we are in much much different circumstances. That's not to minimise your feelings, just to say those feelings are much more common for us. I tear up quite easily at times too, and sometimes at the weirdest things. I think you should see someone - for me finding the right person to talk to, has helped. Now, I probably see my counsellor every 4 months. Some of that is $ though, and lately it's fear of what getting out and about too much might do to the baby. I am not sure you can "let it all out" at once, but what you can do is start the process. I find it's nice to have someone who's there just for me. I take HB with me at the mo, and it works, but perhaps not for much longer.

I had a great talk with DH on Sat. I told him just how lonely being pregnant was and how everything causes worry, and I balance almost everything I do with the question "will this kill my baby?", and balance that with the importance of the thing I want to do, and how he gets to take a break from that sort of worry ( if he even has it). It's lonely when he works long long hours and I am left at home to do everything with HB ( which is ok, it's just exhausting some days), and that compounds the lonliness - as when he does get home I am asleep or if I wake up, it's not really the time to launch into a "me session". And even though I am not on bedrest, I am limiting the things I do, so my world just gets smaller and smaller, especially as the pregnancy progresses. I am suprised as I didn't expect to feel this lonely again. I did for HB's pregnancy, but I was socially isolated at home on bed rest. Oh well, I know I can get through.

So perhaps you're not the only one who's depressed?

Anyway, better go and help with dinner. I prepared something today but the weather is so hot here, that I don't feel like finishing the cooking, nor eating it, so we're having something else. Although one nice thing was HB had a little picnic outside for her dinner. It was nice sitting out there on a blanket as the sun set, and she got to eat.

Chepie - ahh, the nervious I think I'm ready. So proud of you!!! I scared my DH off too, but when I asked him about it, he was scared of me being hurt again, and really just needed some reassurance that I and that both of us could cope, and were willing to try. I hope you can convince DH soon. It's not a nice feeling to feel you have more to do to feel complete.

So good to see your green writing gig!!
SendingLove and light. Please know you're missed xxxx

Hi everyone
This thread has been fairly quiet..
We are starting the TTC journey once again and I would like to join this group.
Who is currently TTC?

We're waiting on MTHFR testing before starting again. Good luck.

Miss.B - big hugs. So sorry you've had another loss :hug:

Chepie - I see you are UTD again. Congratulations. Lots of sticky vibes for a healthy baby

I hope everyone else is well. Looks like most have moved to Pregnancy threads.

Whats MTHFR hun?

It's a gene mutation that affects the way the MTHfR enzyme methylates folate. A MTHFR mutation can mean that people can't absorb folic acid. Folic acid is a synthetic form of folate. People with MTHfR need an activated form of folate as well as B6 and B12. It can affect things like blood clotting and can be found in women with multiple miscarriages, stillbirths, IUGR and placental abruption. It also can affect things like heart disease.