TTC after Late Loss, Recurrent Miscarriage or Stillbirth ~ #5 2011

Hey my girls, You have all been missed. I pop in now and again but still needing to keep my distance. Love and wishes to you all though, you are all often thought of.

All of my joy and love to you Miss mumma Skybie!

I will but in here quickly and put my 2cents worth towards your MTHFR ques. I love the abbreviation...easy to remember a couple of different ways:).

What i know is- it is a DNA test which can be done off the back of, request or experience of thrombosis, stroke, heart disease, stillbirth, miscarriages, family history etc. It is a test that can tell you if you have a genetic mutation that makes you susceptable/predisposed to folate deficiency/B12 among other things and excess homocysteine in the blood. My understanding is the MTHFR is an enzyme that contributes to metabolism of Folate. An interesting test to have done and something we probably should all tick off our list really. But you usually have a homocysteine blood test first to see if elevated...i think. Elevation can be caused by all sorts of things.

We will have it- have been meaning to for a while, not that we are TTC but we are saving up for a complete genetic profile done to give us a few more answers. Which is a bit more expensive.
As far as i know it is a saliva test and on it's own, not very expensive. I think it is about $50 and not sure if it is private or medicare, but all drs can order it. The genetic profiling we are looking at is about $450 as it has to be sent to an international lab.

A few things for me have popped up -literally. I have found lumps on my thyroid. It has been a stressful month but we are doing ok. A few good things to come out of this. For the first time i am being listened to, have found a couple of good drs that are willing to help me find answers no matter how hard the search. They have been willing to listen to my gut feelings, my informed questions and do not necessarily trust the results that come back as being normal when symptoms are saying otherwise. For years i have had concerns for my thyroid, copper excess and zinc absorbtion. Finally now, i have someone willing to send me to all the tests, alternative and others to find answers. You all know me well enough that i will not be donig anything too intrusive to start off with. I want as much of the picture as possible first. Unfortunately this is costing us a small fortune as not everything is covered on our medical system. So the savings are yet agan shot. But after this we will have some answers, more information and my health will benefit. Have been one to take care of myself well over ther years and stil struggled through the maze of symptoms...which on their own could be attributed to many different things. Working too long hours, on my feet, poor sleeping habits, depression, grief, estrogen dominance etc etc... all together from my research can mean a multitude of things but low thyroid is definately one of them, estrogen dominance and the struggle to retain enough zinc is leading me to believe copper toxicity among other things. So it has been an interesting ride.

Knowledge is everything girls.
Love and light to you al, you are never far from my mind. xoxoxo HM

Hi ladies,

Tash, thanks so much for thinking of me hun :hug:. I hope you get some answers with your testing soon. I asked my doc to do some testing too after the D & C so hopefully they'll be able to tell us what went wrong.

Gigi, so nice to hear from you again, take care of yourself hun xox

Tilygirl, GL with TTC hun, I hope the journey is not very long!

Big hi to Sky our new yummy mummy and all my old friends!

I could be in here soon but still need to get over the m/c first. Problem is time is definitely not on my side, so I think we'll look into trying again within the next couple of months. I'm considering looking into this herbal treatment through Sharkeys in QLD to improve my egg quality, has anyone heard of them or tried them?

b xoxox

Lions and bears - thank you my love and I hope that you get your answers soon xxoo

MissB - I am sorry to see that your little one could not stay, I really am..... I met a lady on another forum for ectopic pregnancies and she had trouble holding onto a baby and went through Sharkeys and swore by it!! She said the herbs were not so great tasting but sooooo worth the end result..... I hope they can help you xoxo thinking of you

Hope everyone is ok .... love to all xoxo ....

Miss B - oh sweetie, I am so so sorry.... I just read Tash's comment and was so surprised, and heartbroken for you. I have been thinking about you, but in my own world of hurt lately ( just emotional stuff, nothing relating to Raspberry Bear).

Tilly - GL sweets, hope your TTC journey is short.

Gi - hugs sweet.

Got to run. Sorry.

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Hi ladies,

Tash, thanks so much for thinking of me hun :hug:. I hope you get some answers with your testing soon. I asked my doc to do some testing too after the D & C so hopefully they'll be able to tell us what went wrong.

Gigi, so nice to hear from you again, take care of yourself hun xox

Tilygirl, GL with TTC hun, I hope the journey is not very long!

Big hi to Sky our new yummy mummy and all my old friends!

I could be in here soon but still need to get over the m/c first. Problem is time is definitely not on my side, so I think we'll look into trying again within the next couple of months. I'm considering looking into this herbal treatment through Sharkeys in QLD to improve my egg quality, has anyone heard of them or tried them?

b xoxox

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Thanks Dory, I hope you're OK hun. Take it easy and I hope you can see the light at the end of the tunnel very soon. Give that gorgeous HB a cuddle from all of us and your wee belly a nice little rub xox

Chepie, thanks too hun, and thank you for the information on Sharkeys. Might look into it. You look after yourself and keep baking that beautiful bubba. Congrats again lovely xox

Oh Miss Beata, so sorry i missed your sad news. Thinking of you love and sending you much love.
Yes i had started to see Sharkeys and then put a hold on it for many reasons...finance being one and not TTC being another. However when and if the finances change and once i get through this current health challenge. I will consider it again. I have heard nothing mut fabulous feedback about them. All focused on the wholistic measures they take to get the body in a well and balanced state and in turn more fertile state. They work on your hormone amoungst other areas of health but as we know hormones can affect everything!! i would give them a go hun. I literally would.

Dores, Love, i may not be in here for a while again. But you know where to find me. Thank you for thinking of us. Will chat with you soon hun. Sending you a huge hug my friend. Time we caught up.xoxo

miss B - happy birthday to your second miracle boy, Cam, for tomorrow.... thinking of you and Josh and your angel. Oh and Al.

Thanks Gigi, so far I've decided to give a/c a go, this lady I've been recommended does specialise in a/c together with IVF. I've sent an email to Sharkeys too, see how that goes. Hope you're doing OK hunni xoxox

Thanks Dory, I can't believe Cam is 2 today. The last 2 years have gone by in a flash. I'm not a baker (or a cook for that matter! lol) but a close friend of ours, who is a fabulous cook has baked Cam a cake in a shape of 2, and it looks delish. He is one spoilt little munchkin today :) Thanks for your wishes hun, will pass a big Happy Birthday kiss and cuddle from aunty Dory :)

Our little man is gone. Last Wednesday I stood up from the dining table and thought I wet myself but when I looked down there was blood running down my legs. I was taken to our local hospital then rushed to John Hunter Hospital in Newcastle. That night I bled so much I was one more bleed away from a transfusion and the doctors doing an emergency c section. The bleeding slowed for the next 3 days and then on Sunday the contractions started. At 3.06pm our beautiful Jakson Robert was born breech at 24 weeks and 4 days. He cried and they put him on the ventilator. He was in NICU for 2 days before his little body couldnt fight anymore. He was in our arms as he left us to join his brother in heaven. Two sons funerals in 11 months and 4 angel babies in a year. We are done. I cannot do it anymore.

EmilyJames, I am so shocked to read this. Congratulations on birthing another son. I am so so sorry he couldn't stay. my heart is absolutely breaking for you. much love and strength as you farewell Baby Jakson. Big big :hug: words just fail me , I'm so sorry I don't know what else to say x

emilyJames - I am so shocked and devastated to read you've lost another little boy. :hug: I am so sorry Jakson could not stay. It's awful doing it once, let alone twice. I wish I could sit with you and let you cry.

My boys' funeral were 11 months apart too. What an awful thing to share with someone. One is too many. Two is a horror beyond words.

If you ever want to talk, I'm happy to PM you my number. Or I can call you. I know how hard it is to pick up the phone even if you do want to talk to someone.

EmilyJames - congratulations on the birth of Jakson Robert. I'm so sorry he couldn't stay.

Thinking of you and your family at this time. Wishing you gentle hugs and strength.

Oh Emilyjames. I am so sorry. The pain you must be feeling is unimaginable. Sending you much strength

EmilyJames, I am so saddened, shocked and so heartbroken to read of your news. Congratulations on birthing your beautiful little boy Jakson Robert. Sending you much love, strength and many many hugs to you and your family :hug: xoxox

EmilyJames I am lost for words..... sending you all the love and strength xooxo

Emily James - I am so sorry that your beautiful baby boy Jackson Robert left this world to be with his brother. :hug:

Thinking of you and wishing so badly that you didnt have to endure such incredible heartbreak again.

EJ - oh sweetie..... I am so heart broken for you. Like LnB - I know part of your journey, too many funerals for your precious children in too short a time. Strangely for me I am lost for words. My heart aches for you and your family. Shocked too as the day you posted, I was going through my own dramas, and thoughts and a very close reality of an april fools day baby, born too soon.

I am so sorry that Jakson couldn't stay. He sounds like a strong little man, and your love for him, and for James, and your other angels just shines through. My blossom, you will get through. I know you will, but do what you need to, and do so without worry about others. This is the time for your family, both earthside and angels, to support each other and find your way through.

For what it's worth, hugs.

Hi Ladies - I am back from my 5 week trip to Scotland so thought I would pop in to say 'hi'.
I am very sad to read your news EJ - that is just devestating beyond words & I feel incredibly sad for your losses.
Hugs & healing to you sweety x
Love to everyone else also.....

M22 - hope your trip away was awesome...... it's pretty quiet in here these days.

Thanks Dory - trip was amazing - best one EVER!
Yes it is awful quite in here huh......easy to get worn down & despondent on this journey....
Love & light to all
xxxx

Hi everyone
We are TTC after 2 losses one at 25 weeks and another a few months ago at 18 weeks

TTC a mircale - oh blossom.... what heartache and tragedy brings us together. First of all congratulations on being a mumma to angels. It's a very special club. Secondly, I am so so sorry your angels couldn't stay. How are you doing emotionally? When you're ready to share your birth experiences and your memories of your precious wee ones, I would love to hear about them. Until then, thinking of you and sending you lots of love. In terms of TTC, where are you in your cycle? I found being in here, and the loss threads incredibly helpful in my healing and I have made some amazing friends here, that have turned into IRL friends. Much love. xxooo Did you name your babies? Did you get to see them, cuddle them? Could you? Some people can't. What investigations have you had? A lot of questions, I know and you don't have to answer any of them. You can tell me I am a nosy parker......


M22 - I am so vague..... are you TTC? How is it all going? I really want to be in here again officially TTC instead of just dreaming and hoping my time will come again. How are the kidlets? How's your grief?

It's Amelia's 4th anniversary soon. OMG, 4 years! When did that happen? Sometimes I miss the raw grief, the struggles just to do everyday activities. It sort of gave me a purpose. And I suspect an identity. A bereaved mum. Now? It's harder. Most people just assume because I am blessed to have my rainbows that the angels no longer matter. Oh how wrong they are. I am so shaped by their life and death.

Dory thank you for your welcome
To be honest emotionally I am not that great everyone around me has babies or is pregnant and I've almost had that twice
With my cycle I am day 6 of a 30-32 day cycle I have just bought a thermometer and salvia ovulation tester to pin point when I ovulate
I did name them yes Imogen and James. I saw both and held both my husband saw but didn't hold and now regrets that which emotionally he is not coping with well
I have had structural, hormonal and genetic testing all has come back normal except for discovering I have a uterine fibroid but was told that was not the cause so we are at a loss on what we can do to avoid it again

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To be honest emotionally I am not that great everyone around me has babies or is pregnant and I've almost had that twice

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That was one of the hardest things for me, seeing others having their babies while I mourned mine. I was pregnant at the same time as a couple of my cousins and a friend, DS was born right in the middle of them all. It's still difficult, since I'm still in contact and have to endure the birthdays...

And the "almost had that twice" part, I definitely feel you there. From eight weeks with my daughter I just thought "I've been through the full length of a pregnancy, can't I just have my baby?!"

TTC, I am so sorry to hear about your losses :hug:. It's a very hard road emotionally, so please seek support for yourself and your hubby. I was just going to say that I have had a late term m/c at 21 weeks due to a large uterine fibroid that my doctor/specialist told me it would not cause me a problem in pregnancy. Mine was quite big at 14 cm. How big is yours? I think you should definitely seek a second opinion before you're TTC again. Like I said my specialist gave me the all clear to have my embryo transfer, but the fibroid put too much strain on my uterus and it caused me to go into labour early. I'm not saying that your fibroid has caused your m/c or that your doctor is wrong, but it's always good to seek a second opinion. GL in your TTC journey hun :crossfingers:.

Miss.B I think I will be getting a second opinion because I've been in a lot of pain the last few days and being CD6 I shouldn't have any pain yet and AF only lasted for 2 days and quite light compared to usual which has me a little worried

Glad to hear it TTC. As your other tests came back all clear, I'd be focusing on the fibroid. The thing is, there is a lot of grey area with fibroids that even the specialists are not sure about. I have reasearched them for almost 6 months before I decided to have it out. My doctor has been dealing with fibroids all his life, performing countless myomectomies, and he said to me in the end that he never expected my fibroid to go crazy, if there was any doubt about it he wouldn't let me go ahead with the IVF cycle. We all expected it to grow in size with the pg, but not to cause the uterus to go into dangerous spasms that sent it into labour. My doctor even said that my case woud be documented in some medical article/book as it was so rare. Lucky me! lol. On another note, a very good friend of mine had terrible pains but also very heavy bleeding (quite common with problematic fibroids) and they found a huge monster of a fibroid which they took out as well. She got pg 12 months after the operation and now has a beautiful 16 month old boy.

Usually my periods are quite heavy due to what I assume the fibroid but this month was really light and short which is really odd ... Did you ever find this happen to you and it be just nature not anything bad?

No, my periods were never light and short. Could you be already pg hun?

I have not been in here in such a long time and to be honest the reminders. updates have not been landing in my inbox. Life has taken over in so many ways and I am so very busy...resentfully too busy sometimes to sit and cry which i often long for.

TTCaMiracle- I am so very sorry for the experience you have had and the heart break that you now bare. I wish I could take it away for all the ladies in here, or in the world for that matter. I hope you find comfort in being here.

EJ- I am just heart broken for you too. Just devastating news from last year. I am so sorry and also sorry i was never around to tell you that and offer my ear and shoulder. I feel like I can understand your comments of resolve. We are done too.

Dores- Hello my lovely. It has been a while. Our angel girls are growing up and it is simply not fair we don't get to share in that, in flesh.

I am at a different time in my grief. G would be 4 in April. I am already running behind. I have not transferred all my diary to the year we are living now and I feel like I am chasing my tail. Not one day goes by that i don't have many moments of held breath and often a lump in my throat. I have learned to co exist with my grief and even though it is not easy nor satisfying, I am living along side the world. No one but my husband ever understands -all that is in me. I am changed forever and so is he. It has taken me this long to find that part of myself, the part that can find some purpose and the part that can coexist. I am finding that purpose, still some way to go and i still find it hard to accept. I am not sure i ever will find it easy. My resilience has never returned.

Our TTC is over, and has been for some time now. We tried, and tried hard after G was born, for a long time. But we are done. This journey has exhausted us both. We are done. We have no children, living in our home. We have one little spirit very close by though and she is guiding me everyday to find something to live for and to find myself...to reinvent and try to accept how things have turned out.

I am not sure how much or if I will return, but an update arrived in my inbox today after nearly a year had passed. I think I needed to pop in, honour Gs memory and talk about her. But also because someone else might be in need. Hoping for you ladies healing for your journeys. You are all in my thoughts.

xoxo HM

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No, my periods were never light and short. Could you be already pg hun?

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I tested negative and it still feels like those few days before AF cramps, bloated more than usual etc maybe AF is coming a week late and what I thought was her was just random bleeding

Gigi1 - I am equally sorry for your loss and my heart breaks for you reading that J only passed 4 months ago but TTC is all that's keeping me going right now although that's taking its toll as I obsess over it all. It must be such a tough decision to come to.
I wish you the very best of luck with what life has in store for you, you sound like an incredibly strong person

Bless you hun, you sound equally strong to me. Thank you. I am glad you are still TTCing and that is gives your both some comfort and fills your mind and time with action! It will be tiring! Grief is tiring. You are brave and courageous just like other mothers going through this, but i see that even more now than I ever used to and you have reminded me so...so thank you. I understand how brave we were too. It can take all of you human spirit to pick up and start again especially with no answers.
I admire that...immensely. xoxo Big hugs and much thought.
Sorry sweet that you got a neg result. It is always hard to see. xoxo

lost my first baby at 16 and a half weeks in July 2012 and was devastated, i have found it very difficult to deal with. I also had an ectopic pregnancy at 7 weeks in December 2012 which caused me to have emergency surgery and lost a tube, it makes it so hard knowing that my first born son would have originally been born about 10th December 2012, i am now off work trying to deal with my grief as i work in day care with babies and wishing i was at home with my son to look after, i am thinking of changing my career as it makes it harder to go to work plus hearing of work mates new pregnancies and a sister in law also due in July. I am struggling and don't know how to cope with much more, i am now waiting on my appointment next week to find out if the other tube needs to be removed, I'm just very anxious and want to get on and try again but cant stand all this waiting, i guess i am just anxious to be pregnant and hopefully happy again although the next pregnancy will be harder and will feel scared with every doctors appointment hoping everything will be ok.

I'm sorry you have to be here Debbie :(

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I'm sorry you have to be here Debbie :(

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Thanks. I am starting some counselling appointments also next week just to try and get myself right again so i can return to work but part of me says quit and part of me says to try work myself out first then decide, its just so tough at the moment. I think about all those other mums out there who have suffered the same and wonder how they to must feel or whether they have manage to get through it somehow. I am normally a very strong person but in this case it's hard to be strong.

We lost J 4 months ago I've had no choice but to return to work but I work for a transport company and am the only female so babies and pregnancy never come into conversation nor do I have to see any.
Doing daily activities such as shopping etc though kills me I have a breakdown everytime I go

My heart goes out to all you ladies who have endured losses. I hope it's some consolation that your bubs are playing together in heaven without a worry in the world.

I was with my friend the other day talking about how scared I was of ever miscarrying and she said her grandma once told her that back in Lebanon (which is where they're from) women would have around 20 births of which 10 would survive. Their attitude was they'd try for a baby, if it lived it lived if not they'd just have another one.
I can't believe how normal it was for them, I guess because they didn't have the medical advancements that we're so fortunate to have here now. Once my grandma was telling me of how out of around 10-13 kids that she gave birth to just 7 survived, the others all died a few months or a year or two after birth. One of them she still mourns for - she was home all alone and her baby was sick and nobody was there to take it to the hospital. Her husband would work in another city and be gone for weeks or months at a time and she was living alone in some rural area far away from any family. No telephone line either.

yes i to went straight back to work after losing our son, was hard seeing the new mothers come in or announcing their pregnancies, i would hold my tears all day, till i got in the car or got home, then after the second loss in December and starting back at work in January and just being hit with a sister in law due and a work colleague really hit me and the fact that i should have our son, has really hit home for me so now i guess i'm dealing with everything now, after trying to be string for to long. So i to can not face pregnant women, even to see it on the tv or baby stuff at the shops it just rips your heart apart, thinking that should be me, but it's not.

I am very sorry for your loss also, it feels nice to know that their are other people out there and to come across this thread knowing there are other people who are the same and to try help each other through these hard times.

Hi all,


I'm not sure whether this is the best group for me to be in, please redirect me if I should be somewhere else! I've been blindly trying to find the best place for me to land, I'm still not sure whether this is the best thread...
Hubby and I have just started trying for our second bub, after our first daughter passed away at full term, around 6 months ago. As you can probably imagine, the last few months have been quite the whirlwind and we have decided we are now strong enough to try again. However I probably didn't realise what an emotional rollercoaster this process was going to be! We are only one month in and I have just had the period of my life (heavy, clotting, pain, nausea after having a week of very strong pregnancy symptoms) and I felt such disappointment! I wasn't expecting such a reaction. We are just so excited and ready, we have been waiting such a long time in limbo land. Its hard to be parents, but not to have that life change and for the outside world to not classify you as such. Hoping I can find some people who are on the same journey as it's made me feel quite vulnerable again! I get really tired of the journey in itself at times.
Thanks so much, looking forward to hearing your stories :)