Hello ladies, i have gotten all that pesky work stuff out of the way and i am all yours!!!
OK, things are still see sawing for me. Up and down. One minute i feel completely pregnant, then the next i feel full of energy and fine. I just do not know.
I had to have the blood test on Wednesday morning, the dr said he will call as soon as he knows anything, but not to hold my breath till friday. I had to have a glucose test where i had to fast overnight. i did another test with my mum yesterday, got a neg then as Judy said, i keep them all and after we had been shopping (like hours later) i checked and again there was this faint line, but the dr has already told me that happens when they get left to dry up, so i dont know. And judy, i am not sure if i could get a picture of it on here, i am not in the digital age yet, i still have the old fashioned camera with good old film. I could send my pee soaked tests to you if you would really like!!! Just let me know!!! I have them all!!!
But seriously, the lines are there, i am just not convinced.
NOW ladies, when i get my blood test back- Judy you mentioned a number 152, what does that number mean and what number do i want to hear???????? I have never needed a confirmation BT before or even know what the go is, what actually comes up in my blood? I have heard other women in here talking about having levels chacked to make sure they are still producing something which means the pregnancy is happening or if their levels are down that M/c is going to occur. Can anyone give me a heads up on what the number should be and what it might mean so i may be prepared when the dr tells me??? Or is that another test all together?? I was also tested for my anticardio again and CMV which i had while in the last stages of preg with Zahra. Plus the glucose thing and something else, i cant remember what it all meant. I hope they dont make me wait for the results on everything before they call me, i specifically asked for a ASAP phone call re being pregnant.
I am abit scattered at the moment. I am quite edgy and flittery, i am telling everyone who asks anything everything that is going on, all the girls at work know, even my fav old mate Fred our 100 yr old licensee who lives here is up with whats going on. He said i shouldn;t have put up with the lady telling me i had to wait to have my BT (coz of the glucose thing) he said i should have told her to do it anyway and bugger the results coz all i cared about was whether i was preg and now i have to wait an extra day. "I just tell them what to do- you will learn when you get to be as old as me" quote.
Everyone has been really good. We had an old friend visit on Tues night and he brought a friend with him and as conversations happen, we told them where we were at (WAITING) and Ben, they guy we just met started to say congratulaions, Well Shane said thanks, "but even if we find out she is for sure, we are not accepting any congrats until the baby is born because we have tried this before and it hasn't worked." So straight away he says sorry and we showed him Zahra's shelf and he actually really looked and was really considerate and caring and we had just met this guy!! AS the night went on (we were watching the eclipse) and the boys had had a bit to drink, he actually pulled me aside and asked if he could ask me about it all. He was curious as to what had gone wrong in the past etc and we had a little chat and it was nice to have someone be really genuinly interested and not afraid to ask questions,(especially a bloke!!) but still have the respect not to intrude. It was a nice change, He wished us all the best when they left the next day and he said he will be thinking of us and to make sure we let him know either way, and let him know as soon as he can start congratulating us.
I tell you what tho- i am seriously thinking (in worst case senario) that if this isn;t going on now, that i may have to really consider surrogacy. I just stress myself out too much, I would love to be able to have my egg and shanes sperm make a baby and then put it somewhere else for 9 months where i am not reponsible for my thoughts and feelings to be influencing things. I am too aware of how much i influence my body. I know i am stressing out now, and i dont even know i am pregnant. I am aware that even that stress on my body is effecting everything, i know all of this but i cant stop it from happenening. Plus i may have to consider the fact that my body does not have a good track record for this and it may just be the option that i need to take. i just dont know. i know i am trying to cope, and i am trying to maintain some normality in my waiting days but it is so hard. i feel like i am floating around me and i am too scared to actually feel anything, oh ****, i am starting to cry, this sux.
the worst part is that i am not even coping waiting for a week to know if i am pregnant, how am i going to realistically make it through 9 months????
With plenty of ups and downs thats how.
BOOST OF DETERMINATION
i have to do it. i know i want to do it, but can i do it?
Going to hang around and wait for some replies, i will be floating in the threads. i am ok, its just nice to get it all out and it is the first time i have shed a tear, this week anyway.
THANKYOU EVERYONE FOR BEING HERE!!! i am ok, just letting it all out.
xox Kat
p.s Judy yes you can call me kat in here, its just on headings and sigs and stuff i didn't want my old name coz it was too obvious if someone checked new posts or stuff, but in here should be fine!!
JO when i lived on the hill in my farm house, we used to leave the cobwebs coz they caught the bugs!!!
Registered User
Just let me know!!! I have them all!!!
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