TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after the 1st trimester ~ OCT07#2

[MistyFying]

If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!

My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!

I hope so much that this month is YOUR month.

If at any time you'd like to make a suggestion, or provide any constructive feedback for this forum, please contact one of your following moderators:

Cailin
Flowerchild
or alternately you may contact Kelly (however she may take a little longer to respond at times!).

We appreciate all your feedback as it does help to make our forums a much happier, relaxed place to chat! We will always take your comments seriously - all comments are treated confidentially...

You will find the previous thread HERE

[gks]

Hi all
Naomi - Hi again - I know how you feel about the disappearing posts - it's happened to me a couple of times since I rejoined! If you find yours, you may find where mine have gone too...also I lost my icons from the normal quick reply page - I thought the moderators must have thought that I was over iconing...he hehee...never too many hugs I say.
Hi Jo - sorry to hear about the f/s delay...did you mention there may be some hope for this month?
My hopes gone - another negative - and another sad expression from the chemist lady where I buy the pregnancy tests - she even asked if i'd like to get a loyalty card. I reckon I may need it...
If anyone is speaking to Mel please let her know she's in my heart!
Georgie

[jlk]

Hey all,

Georgie - I know what you mean about the sad expressions on the chemist ladies faces, I live in a town with 2200 people so my trouble is that I know the chemist ladies out of work! lol!
I'm still not sure how I feel about delaying the f/s, I feel like we might lose all hope if we leave it to long IYKWIM? But there still might me some hope that we can do it on our on (fingers crossed).

Mel - sending you all my love hun.

Kat - I've completly forgotten what i was going to say to you! LOL! hello anyway!

Hi to everyone else, I hope your all well!

[angelicdragon]

Hi all.. you know I have actually got to the stage where I can't even summon up any inspiration, hope, incentive whatever to test. I have a few tests sitting in the drawer and just can't be bothered seeing yet more BFNs.
So Jo lets just hope you get to see a BFP before you make that appt next eyar to see the FS.
Kat setting up internet can be so not fun lol. DH does that as part of one of his businesses so quite often gets a call saying help! Even more of an issue if you get ADSL / broadbrand and have a security alarm that is monitored..
Naomi I am a lurker/poster lately too lol.
Aunty M how goes it? Do you live in an area where you get to see all the Fall/Autumn colours?
Mel have you thought ahead to when you will do FET?
Georgie I ended up just buying online HPTs and OPKs so I didn't have to see the friendly chemist lady. She is the same age as me and couldn't see why I'd want another child yet she cried too when Annabelle was stillborn.
Klee how are you?
Just sitting back here, waiting for AF so I can ph and start the procedure for IUI.
Early summer days and we have had some major earthworks done like our dam extended and some piles of building dirt knocked flat and levelled. Makes the place loo so much better so I am taking my mind off everything by preparing now to put down lawn. If I am not around much it is because I am outside as much as possible
hugs and baby dust or sticky vibes to you all
Jude

[~StarBright~]

Hi everyone!!
Another quick one from me- i am trying to be good and not internet at work- but i am getting anxious and impatient waiting for my net!!
Judy- can your hubby put a hurry up on my stuff ?? LOL i wish!! I may call someone like him to help me- i have NO idea what to do!!!

I will be back when i have more time!!

Love to you all!!
Katti xoxox

[gks]

OK so AF arrives last night - day 25 - What's that? last month was a 26 day cycle, 29 the one before, 28 before that and 26 before that...I need some serious help with ovulation prediction or just have to stay in bed.
Geeee this TTC is driving me CRAZY....clinically!

boo hoo -

[naomij]

Georgie - I dont know if this helps but my FS and my natural FS tell me that you count it as Day 1 if AF arrives before 6pm otherwise you count Day 1 as the next day ie if AF arrives in the middle of the night you would count Day 1 as the next morning. Does that make a difference to your chart?

I have had a really bad couple of weeks with my sister (seems to be a common problem hey??) The christening she is arranging for my nieces (the week Ethan was due) is now becoming an even bigger event - IYKWIM??? (Feel funny typing it - like I might spoil the surprise if someone sees this)?! She only told me because I had said I would definitely be at the church but may not make it through the whole days celebrations. It was her way of making sure I would be there and as she told my Mum "Its not all about Naomi you know - she needs to get over it"! Anyway, now we have to find accommodation in Adelaide for us and our dog and I have to find an outfit she will approve of!

Mel - Hope you are ok?

Love to you all,
N

[Auntie M]

howdy everyone.
Jo- so sorry to hear about the f/s holding pattern. i hope some way opens up for you.
Georgie- so sorry for your lost hopes. i wish i had a pill for hope. damn af.
Judy- we have mostly pine here, so less colors than the midwest and northeast. but we have pockets of aspen that turn bright gold. so beautiful and they whisper on the breeze. i hope your outside remedy helps you along.
Naomi- you don't need to get over it, and it is all about you. your sister may not understand how tenuous sanity is after a loss like yours. but you know what you need, so do that and damn the torpedoes.

don't know why, i guess i should stop asking why, but my mood is going down down down today. no good reason other than i miss Yeti.
__________________
Auntie m
Sweet Baby Yeti stillborn March 16, 2007 @ 39 Weeks

[CeCeSays]

hi y'all!

jo- I am sorry you have to be on hold for a while. Maybe your body, in defiance, will go the au naturale route?

georgie- I am so sorry the witch arrived.

Naomi- Sisters can be a real pain in the bum. I don't think I could muster up the strength or forgiveness to go.. so in my book. you are a super STUD! My sister delivered a few weeks after our loss and still gripes at me for ruining her baby shower by calling her and telling her I had just lost Eli. She also has 2 nannies one for AM one for PM and just hired an Au paire from Germany for when she returns to work. I hate to sound evil... BUT I am so angry that someone who has never loved anything more than money and herself and hasn't changed a single diaper (he's 3 mos old now) gets to have a perfect little bundle and I ... well... you know. Wow. I am bitter and mean. ahem, I digress... if you can't go.. don't go. I mean, your heart is healing and its a slow damned process. Give yourself a break even if family won't. HUGS!

AuntieM- I am sorry you are hurting today. I find that your heart and words give me strength... you are an awesome woman and you have my prayers.

I *think* I ovulated b/c I got a temp shift ... but it was on the day of my first pos OPK. So I am confused and irritated. We got in some good lovin' but I am so compulsive I want to know which day I O'ed. Darnit. Im crampy right now... so maybe my temp this AM was on the way up? Heck, I dont know.

Hugs to everyone.
CeCe

[Lynn]

Cece - hoping you caught the eggie Good luck this month - hope to hear a bfp from you very very soon.

Auntie M - Yeti is giving you a big big hug and knows how much you love and miss him. Why are we always on different parts of the rollercoaster?!?! Maybe so we can be there for each other when the other one is on the down. Big hugs to you babe :hugs:

Naomi - Sisters! I have one like that too - unfortunately there are a few of us. In a way it is good to hear because sometimes I think that it is me with the issues but then reading other people's stories it makes me realise that some people just don't get it and we do expect that those close to us will............but this just doesn't happen. What I have come to realise is that I need to look after myself and that is what you need to do as well. You have gone through so much and continue to go through so much and you need to put your own emotions and feelings first. Big big hugs to you The common thing I always see is that our sisters have things at certain times that are so precious and important to us. Obviously some of these can't be helped but it makes you wonder.........have we not suffered enough? Stop kicking us while we are already down!!!!

Georgie - sorry that the wicked witch arrived. I hope she is kind to you and that it is the last time she visits for a very very long time.

SB - you've been quiet lately - I hope everything is ok. How have you been?

Judy - good luck for the IUI - sending you heaps and heaps of positive vibes

Jo - I hope you don't need to worry about the fs appointment - I'm hoping so much that your little body does the trick for you very very soon. I have everything crossed for you and I hope to hear some wonderful news from you soon. Thinking of you

Mel -

Hi to anyone I may have missed - hope you all have a good weekend

[angelicdragon]

Cece that sux about your sister. I thought the idea of havnig children was to be with them after all they are your child, not a pet or a toy. Why have a child if you want nothing to do with it and wow. not even changing a diaper. I know everybody is different but I guess it is not til others walk in our shoes that they feel the real impact of life and its blessings.

Katti, lol about the internet help but honestly if you do need help PM me and I'll give you his ph number.. he has talked people thru the set up even as far as New Zealand lol. We have friends on the Mainland ( about 5 in perth WA) that he has helped too via ph. No charge too lol.

Aunty M it sounds like such a lovely place where you live.

Naomi your sister too needs a reality check. Family who cannot comprehend the grief .. well.. speechless. I guess I am 'lucky' in that my side of the family still comprehend and understand. For me it was my best friend ( who happesn to be a male and married - well he was my best friend back then but since then I have also made many new friends so he has slipped back a bit on the list).. he was going to be Annabelles god-father along with his wife as god-mother. They had both been with us many times while I was pg yet he still couldn't understand the grief so I sent him an excellent book my grief counsellor gave me. I asked for another copy which she kindly gave to me.
It is only a small book but the words in it really make sense and I think to because the author understands grief so wel she has made it easy to read and understand.
I'll have to find the name of it.. I haven't read it now in a couple of years so it is high up on the top shelf in the walk in wardrobe with the clothes Annabelle wore in the hospital and her receving blanket. They aren't washed and never will be. I may be considered odd but I don't care.
I have a small book and it also has a lock of her hair and ink prints of her hands and feet and her notices from the paper. I kept aside a couple of pink new clothes that had been brought for her.

What do any of you have kept as momentos that you will never part with?

hugs
Jude

[CeCeSays]

J- because of how poorly I was treated in the hossy, I have nothing from Eli's life. They induced me for 6 days and my body would just not let go. So, I was sent to a "clinic" where they did a d&e. I remember asking the doc if I could hold him and say goodbye. He was super blunt and hard telling me he would come out in pieces. That sentence ... him saying that... I still wake up in terror dreaming about that. If I could change one thing about the days after I lost Eli, it would be my treatment. I would have demanded a C-section. I was just thinking about what I was going to do to have him with me always... was thinking maybe a tattoo of tiny feet .. then nixed that. Then it hit me... I have 3 scars on my neck from when the hosy put the filter in my vein after the D&e and subsequent clot. Thats all I have... three ball point pen size dot shaped scars. There is a few loss related jewlery stores online and when I can handle having it... I have a necklace all picked out.

Ok I am babbling on.
Love at all of you!
Cece

[jlk]

I have kept anything & everything related to Storm, I wish I had the banket she was in though

[CeCeSays]

Jude... I am a chart stalker... is that a dip I see on yours? and have you looked at the charts on ovusoft that relate to post lap? go look

HUGS and big time wishes sent your way!
CeCe

[ElleJay]

Just wanted to pop in and say hello to everyone whom I used to say hello to.

Carry on :P

[Auntie M]

howdy everyone.
CeCe- ikwym about wanting to know the exact day -- i'm a total control freak. especially when life gets out of whack, i've gotta control what little details i can. dude, your sister is a piece of work, she didn't want her shower ruined by her very own sister's news, the death of her very own nephew?! i am at a loss. if i had more energy, there would be more vitriol here, but all i can do is shake my head and tut tut like my grandmother. i am so sorry about the doctor and his horribly thoughtless words. how painful for you to not have the chance to hold Eli. big hugs and tears. i have a necklace with his name on it and tiny feet, along with a glass baby boy a neighbor artist made. i wear it every day and tell Yeti good morning and good night with a kiss as i take it on and off.
Lynn- perhaps that is the case about the rollercoaster, because you certainly do help me when the plunge hits. it does seem like several of you have some doozy sisters, and i just don't understand where they come from. i have some garden variety misunderstanding, but no one really gets in my face about it. the books helped me too, though, i gave one to my sister in law and she talked to my boss and let him and everyone else know this would be a longer process than they thought (they were thinking a couple of months).
Judy, i kept everything that ever touched Yeti with the exception of the cute little onsie with the blue bunnies we dressed him in and the cap our midwife knitted for him. i just couldn't let him go without something warm on his poor little body. i haven't washed his blankets either. on really bad days, i look for the tiny bloody spots and try to smell just a little of what he smelled like at the hospital. it is never there, though. everything physical is so gone from me. i've his ink prints and some hair, but they are not enough. never enough. it just isn't fair.

[angelicdragon]

Cece I read your weblog and was horrified at the way you were treated at the clinic. There was no need at all for you to be treated like that. OK so the nurses there were used to the other reason for a D&E but any good nurse would know the difference between a wanted and loved baby and unwanted and show due compassion and care. I used to be a nurse ( mind you it was in the field of geriatrics but I loved the other sides of my training as well) and I was horrified you didn't receive proper care and support.
Thanks for stalking my chart but unfortnately it is not a 'nice' dip.. it is a dip saying don't even waste your time getting out the hpts. I did one anyhow yesterday which I know is too early but my temp did go up again and it seemed hopeful... but today is back down and my mood is pure AF.

Is anyone else in the 2ww?

[naomij]

J- If you could find the name of that book it would be great. Unfortunately I have read everything ever given to me but no one else around me is interested. They all just think I should "get over it" and get on with life. They all think that going to support groups and talking to ladies like you is making me more upset - they just dont get that life will never be like it was for me - there is a new kind of normal for me now and it involves all of you wonderful women and me trying anything I can to keep Ethan in my life somehow. The funny thing is that the only time I get really upset or depressed is when people like my sister say stupid, insensitive things - so following her logic - I should stay away from her so I dont get upset??

I have also kept anything and everything I could from Ethans birth. I just made a collage of photos last night but have been told its not appropriate to put up in the lounge as it may upset people??? I also have a blanket that was made for him by a lovely stranger I met the week before he came. It has a stain on it from him which my MIL wants to wash and I wont let her. I have his urn and a photo on my dresser which I kiss goodby to each morning as I leave for work. I would have loved to keep his clothes but it was very important to me also to have him well dressed (for when he met his great grandma in heaven) and warm as it was a really cold rainy day when we lost him.

CeCe - you are so strong - I wish I could tell my whole family to get stuffed and that I cant go to "the event". But whenever I try to explain how nervous I am about attending I just get "you know how upset your sister will be if you dont go - just go and keep the peace". My sister is a stay at home Mum but has her kids in child care 2 days per week and the other days they are at kinder/pre school. She spends any time she does have with them shopping or doing lunch and as I have said before she partakes in some unhealthy habits, and it kills me that she pops out babies so easily. She actually said the other day that she wondered if she might be pg again and if she was she "would have to get rid of it"!! Someone said a while ago that they wished our loss would happen to their sister so they would understand how hard it is - I feel like that too -unfortunately I wouldnt be able to stand by and watch her suffer so it wouldnt be the same would it??

I found something to wear to "the event" on Friday night after weeks of looking. I took a photo of myself wearing it in the change room and sent it to my sister so she could approve (which she did) and now she tells me the "theme" is pink (and my outfit is black, grey and orange). So she told me I would have to return it and find something else! I am a size 22 so its not a simple task to find something not too expensive (I have had lap banding and dont want to spend too much on clothes that wont fit me withing a month or 2), "flowy and pink" and suitable for a christening and a w#@$%*!.....

Mel - I hope you are ok and being kind to yourself?

All my love to everyone

N