TTC after Stillbirth/Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the 1st Trimester

Hi everyone!!

Spring - :confetti: 12 weeks!! Yay!! I don't think anyone can offer any advice that could top the wisdom from Dream. I think you really are stuck, I can understand that you are reluctant to tell everyone, I always said the same thing, that I would try to keep the next one a secret until I could'nt hide the belly anymore. It's a hard one. It just sucks that we feel that we can't shout this happy news to the world, that we have to fear telling people we are pregnant until we reach a certain time. Maybe have another chat to DH and just explain your reasons and I am sure he will have to agree with you. I am sure you can be very convincing :) That is great you found a good doula, Lil Spring is picking up quite an entourage huh!

Dream - I know what you mean about them maybe not wanting the cuddles in a few years :( I always say that to DP, what will we do when he is embarassed to be seen with us, or when he swears at us. Lol, I think my world will crash then. Every morning after DP goes to work, I grab DS a bottle of chocolate milk (he still likes a bottle every now and then) and we cuddle up in bed and watch cartoons together, it's my favourite time of the day, I can't imagine life without it.

Flowerchild - Lol on your fish drama....it sounds like an episode of some sitcom. Glad there was a happy ending for everyone.

Lynn - Where have you been? :) How are you doing?

Mel - How did you go today? I have been thinking of you all day. I hope you guys are well.

I had a hard night last night, nothing really specific, just we went out to dinner with a group of friends and one of them has a 5 month old daughter, so cute. Holding her just made me think of what I am missing out on iykwim. Asha would be roughly the same age and size etc. Just kind of made me feel jealous, not in a bad way to my friend, just in a sad way for us. All of us, we all don't have what we should. it all just sent many thought's buzzing around in my head. I used to always think that things happen for a reason. I'm not religeous or anything, I have no idea what goes on out there, but I have no idea what the reasons are for this happening to all of us. Is it just random?? Or is there a big plan?? I don't know.
Sorry, much rambling isn't there...lol, it's funny when you just write and see what comes out...I'm not crazy, I promise.
Oh, I don't think I have told you all, I am making an honest man out of DP in 2 weeks. Lol, we have decided to get hitched, finally after 10 and a half years of putiing up with eachother. Just going to the registry, it's quick, cheap and they supply the vows. Lol, that is so me, I am so half-@rsed in everything I do.

Well after all that rambling, i will talk to ya'll later.

Spring, I am so so happy that you have contacted a Doula and that you feel as you do after talking with her. I had tears running down my cheeks reading your post. I am just so pleased that you have taken this really big step in this journey. Harry and Lil Spring are blessed to have you as a Mama. :hug:

I would agree with Nat about the in law issue. My MIL would say (and did say) similar things to yours. Sadly I don't have any time for her and nor does my darling husband. Good on you for not wasting your energy on her. You need your energy for much more positive things! I hope you and your DH come to a decision together that feels right for you both.

Nat: That's a blow about work today :( I hope you have a lovely dinner out.

Where is everyone else today?

Well I have had a productive day in the garden and it's lookin good! It's quite chilly here tonight with a thick mist rolling in. I love it when it's like this up here - it feels so crisp and fresh. Well I have to get back to my kidlets who are watching "Barnyard" - I promised I would only be 5 minutes... :hug:
Nighty night.

This is a special message just for Mel...

I have been thinking of you and your DH and Nicholas today. I hope that today has brought to you some completion and comfort. I am sending you so much love and many hugs - I hope you can feel them... :hug:

Hey everyone,

Wow it sounds like it has been a busy time here over the weekend.

Spring 12 weeks - woohoo!!! :confetti: I can't wait to meet lil' Spring on Tuesday.
It's a tough one on the MIL. But maybe like you said, wait until you get the results on Tuesday and see how you feel then. The info you have from the Doula sounds interesting and while it was hard to talk to her, I'm sure she has helped you alot. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to make all the decisions. I think about them now but I don't have to make the decisions just yet. Unfortunately we have lost the innocence of pregnancy and birth. What-ever you decide to do - you know I will support you.

Mel - how are you doing? I am thinking of you :hug:

Nat - bummer about work!!!! But you did get out of the vaccuming :D I hope you had a nice dinner last night and a relaxing day today.

Flowerchild - your trip to the shops sounds so funny! I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time. Hope you are feeling ok and Clomid is being kind to you. I start tomorrow!

Bailey - you are so strong to hold your friends baby. I know that I wouldn't have been able to do that. It is a big step to take.
Wooooooohoooooooo on getting hitched :happyforyou: that is great! Are you having a dinner or anything after it. What are the plans? That is so exciting!
Like you I have no idea why we are in this situation. I don't know how we are 'picked' or what we did that was so wrong to deserve this. Everyone believes different things but for me, I just think that it is a tragic accident. Our bubbas didn't mean for us to go through this but I also believe that they didn't move on because 'someone' else needed them more. This is my option only and I don't want to offend anyone, but the way I see it is that I needed Cooper more than anyone. I also don't believe that he made way for his brother or sister. This is just me. I don't know why it happens. I wish I did and could understand why it happens to us, but I know that I will never know why. We all just need to be there for each other and help each other through the pain.

Well we had a pretty quiet day yesterday. DH mowed the lawns and my sister and BIL came over last night for dinner. I said to DH yesterday that I am home all day during the week on my own and come the weekend I would like to do something nice with him other than being at home. So today we caught the rivercat into town and went to the markets at the Rocks. I bought a sagattarius dream catcher - it is blue and has a crystal star on the end! How could I walk past that. It says "Sagittarius - high spirited, fun, loving extrovert. Aims for the stars." I just had to buy it. Now I need to find somewhere to hang it. We then walked around to the Opera House and Mrs Macquarie's Chair and then walked into Darling Harbour! That is a huge walk!!!! We had lunch and then got the ferry home. It was a nice day out and we have decided that we will do it more regularly.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. Big hugs to you all.

OMG Bailey :confetti: :happyforyou: :confetti:

HOW EXCITING THAT YOU ARE GETTING HITCHED... That is fantastic news. I don't think it is half a@sed at all. You obviously love eachother after over 10 years so who cares how you do it. I am jumping around excited for you. YIPPIE!!!!

Lynn: It was nice talking to you before. I am glad you had a nice day with DH. It sounds wonderful. I can't wait to see you on Tuesday, you are a lifesaver.

Flowerchild: Thank you for your reassuring words about the Doula. I just want to have all the help and resources I can so that I have the best chance of getting to a vaginal delivery. If I change my mind that is ok also. I need to heal, I know that. So hopefully she will join me on that path.

Dream: I hope your work didn't call you in today also. Did you have a nice night out at dinner last night. I hope so.

Mel: I know this weekend would have been really tough for you, but just know that when you are ready, we are all here for you :hugs:

Well I have made my favourite creamy chicken asparagus and I am just about to sit down and watch the biggest loser and feel guilty about how yummy my dinner is. Only 2 sleeps until my 12 week scan. I feel excited, nervous, anxious, happy everything at the same time.

Try to drop in later.

Big love
Spring

Hello,


Thanks for all the :happyforyou: 's. Lol, it is funny, I have never been one to want to get married etc, but I think everything that has happened has made us look at what is important. We don't have anything planned after it, in fact 3 days later DP will be off on a boat trip to indonesia for 2 weeks surfing. DS and I will be meeting him there 2 weeks after that, so we will class that as our honeymoon :) Wow, how romantic, especially since a bunch of our friends will all be there too, including my brother, lol.

Lynn - Sounds like you had a nice day. The dream catcher sounds beautiful. Thanks for listening to my ramble, sometimes I find I just need to purge it all. I agree when you say that no body need our babies as much as us, that's why I am so confused, this has really changed the way I think about things.

Spring - How was your dinner? I just ate a big greasy kebab while watching the biggest loser too. I love those crappy shows. I so hate the red team though, I was glad they lost the weigh in, that should wipe those smug grins off their faces. I betcha Munnalita gets the boot. I hope so. Yay for the ultrasound on tuesday. Have you decided what to do about the MIL?? You will have to send me a pic of that cheeky lil spring so I can see how much they have grown since last time.

Mel - I hope you are well.:hug:

Hi everyone,

Thanks to everyone for thinking of us over the weekend, it means alot to me :hug: We brought Nicholas home on Saturday and I can't really say too much about how I feel. In a way I feel happy, in a way I feel sad, in a way I don't feel anything. I thought maybe that sounded awful until a very wise person (Lynn) said to me that maybe its cause I feel so many things at once. I have updated Nicholas' web page with a picture of his urn if anyone wants to have a look, it really ended up being a perfect choice for his place on top of the piano and they managed to get it in blue which we were so happy about.

Lynn - Thanks for the chat, it really did help me feel a little better tonight.

Spring - I sent you an email and pretty much responded to most of your posts in there (I think). Only 2 sleeps until your NT scan which is just going to be great, and you have a wonderful woman going with you for support so you all will be :thumbsup:

Bailey - CONGRATULATIONS :confetti: That is so wonderful and I am so happy for you. It is funny how our angels change our way of thinking, I used to be anti marriage "why should I get married?" "it's only a piece of paper"! Until I had Nicholas and DH and I got married on 25 November just gone and we only decided to get married after Nicholas cause he showed us what really is important in life and that is each other and our families. When we told our families they nearly fell over in shock at our decision! We also just went to the registry and did the simple and cheap thing and afterwards had a few family and friends to dinner at my fave mex restaurant (and everyone paid for themselves), it was great. And like you, it was so me! You will have such a wonderful day and even though you have other people going on your holiday with you, it is still a pretty decent honeymoon. What better way to celebrate the beginning of a new page in your life book than with your husband, son and good friends?

Deb - Thank you so much for the special message, it really did make me feel good. Barnyard, I like that movie - I love all the kids movies! Hope that rain has eased off for you.

Nat - Bummer about having to work on the weekend, that really sucks! I hope you had a nice dinner to make up for it though.

Take care, will check in tomorrow.

Mel

Hey everyone,

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

Spring - one more sleep babe! Not long now - your ticker is flying by. Before you know it, you will have that screaming, pooing bubba in your arms.

Mel - Nicholas' urn is just beautiful. I know you have mixed emotions, but it must be so good to finally have your bubba home. Take care of yourself, be kind and you are always in my thoughts :hug:
What's happening on the work front? I forgot to ask you yesterday. Are you starting work today? If you are, I hope it all goes well.

Bailey - I think that it is beautiful that Asha made you realise what is important. Nicholas did the same for Mel and I just think that our bubbas bring out the best in us because they make us strong.

Nat - how are you going? How is your grandma and dad going? I've been thinking about them and you. Has DS seen your grandma yet?

Flowerchild - how are you after your eventful weekend? I hope the rains eased off for you. Yesterday was really hot here but today is nice, it is a bit overcast though. I can't wait for winter. I love it when it is a beautiful blue sky but a crisp fresh air and all rugged up. Or even better when I am under the doona with a hot choccie.

Well I have decided that I am going to take the step and go into work today. Although I have told them that I am not going back, they have kept me on the books and told me not to resign because they said that one day I might feel like doing part time work and they will find something for me. They have been so good to me through it all so I do want to keep my ties with them in case I do feel like going back to work one day. So I will let you know how it all goes. I will probably be a blubbering mess :(

Well DH made up my mind about my dress. He said that I deserve a new dress so go out a buy one :dance: I will keep my other dress because it is a beautiful dress and I guess I have good and bad memories in it. I remember wearing it when I was pg with Cooper so that is nice but then the funeral is a bad memory but I don't really remember that day. I might need to wear the dress again when I am next pregnant (which is going to be very soon!!!! :pray: )

Day 1 of clomid - come on, this is my month!!!!!

Have a good day
Luv & hugs
Lynn

At the dawn of each day, let us make our hopes and promises as sincere and powerful as possible

Hey Lynn,

How you feeling today? I take it it's not a public holiday in Sydney today? It is Labour Day here in Melbourne but fortunately the shops are open.

DH woke up this morning, had a shower and all that other good stuff but I didnt want to get up so went back to sleep. He came in a bit later and said Kenny (1 of our birds) was on the bottom of the cage and didnt look good, so I got up, he picked Kenny up and she (yes Kenny was a girl) was still alive but within a few mins died :cry: Poor little thing, now I feel really bad cause as I was chatting to you last night I was looking at her and she was doing this weird thing with her neck and I just watched her thinking what a freak she was. She was a strange bird, she used to hump the mirror! Anyway now Snowy, her roomie is all alone, so we went and bought him some new toys and a better mirror so hopefully he will think he has company even though its only his reflection. We really dont want to buy another bird because they are just so messy. We also have another bird, Charlie, who we call our special needs bird. He has arthritis in his feet and cant really stand on the perches properly and pretty much just sits there all the time, occasionally he chirps away to music but he is very antisocial so we cant put Snowy and him together. So we feel sad for Snowy and have brought him in the front room where we watch TV so we can keep him company but then didnt want Charlie to be left alone so he came in as well so now we are sitting here watching TV surrounded by birds chirping away. So that is our day!

I am working 9-1 on Wed and possibly Fri but other than that am off this week. Am meant to be going to the movies with a friend tomorrow so at least it will get me out of the house and keep my mind occupied.

By the way, to anyone who wants to see Notes On A Scandal - I wouldnt! We saw it Sat and it was pretty boring, and kind of creepy... Judy Dench has a thing for Kate Blanchett and somehow its just wrong.

Mel :)

Oh Mel, I am so sorry to hear about Kenny. Don't feel bad about calling her a freak last night, you weren't to know. If only animals could tell us what was wrong. That is so cute that you now have both birds with you watching tv. I used to have a budgie called Joey. He was so cool and could talk but he liked to hump the mirror too!!!

What are you seeing at the movies tomorrow? I got some movie tickets for my birthday but I just don't know what to see. Have you seen Dreamgirls? I would like to see that but I don't think DH does. I wonder if it is a girly movie?

How are you feeling today?

No we don't have a public holiday today. Well I bit the bullet and went into work. It was much harder than I thought. Everytime I saw a different person, I just cried. I guess I always thought that next time I went back in there it would be to show off Cooper. They are such wonderful people and I sat there crying with some of them. One guy told me how he lost a baby at 16 weeks and he knows how devastated he and his wife were so he couldn't even imagine what DH and I have been through. He told me that I will always be apart of the family and am welcome to come back and work, or just come back and have a coffee whenever I wanted to.

My mum just called too. She is away at the moment. She asked how I was and I just burst into tears. I was trying not to cry because I don't want her jumping on the first plane home! I just told her about work and how it was much harder than I thought. She said that because they are just relaxing and she has time on her hands she is finding that all she is doing is thinking of me and Cooper and she is finding it really hard. We then had a cry together :crying: After all the crying that I have been doing, I just didn't think there would be any more tears, but they just keep coming!

Hope you are ok - thinking of you and sending you a big :hug:

Oh Lynn, you are the one who needs the big hug today :hug:

I am so proud of you for going into work, I know it was really hard, but you have to realise how much strength you have to take that step. It is great that they were so wonderful and understanding, and it must make you feel so loved. That is so sad that the guy at your work lost his bub. Its funny though, you would have never known that because its probably something they just dont talk about. He sounds like a really nice guy and his angel has shown him so much compassion towards others, just as our angels have shown us. Are you glad you went? Do you think it might be easier next time you go in?

On top of that you have to deal with your mum being away. Your poor mum, it would be hard having all that time to just sit and think (I think that is alot of my problem in the last week) about you and Cooper. But then with her away, I guess you also have more time to sit and think. I think it is wonderful that you have that sort of relationship with your mum that you can just have a cry with her, I tend to push my tears aside when people are around me. Unfortunately, we have many more tears to come. Between all of us girls here we could officially end the water shortage if we could save them all up!

About the movies, we are going to see Norbit tomorrow which has Eddie Murphy in it. It sounds kind of funny and I really think I need a good laugh. I have to admit there is not too much worth seeing at the moment I dont think. When do your tickets expire? I think there are few good ones due to come out in the next couple of months so it might be worth waiting. I havent seen Dreamgirls but my sister did and she said it was a musical but a really bad one, she said it was the worst movie she has seen and I always thought it was based on the Supremes and Diana Ross but she said it is not, it is a fictional movie. And worse still, my BIL was the one who actually wanted to see it and also hated it. I have heard that Miss Potter is pretty good. But on the other hand, I guess its a matter of opinion because a couple of people had recommended Notes on a Scandal but my mum, DH and I all thought it was crap. I know there is a Simpsons movie coming out soon, I love the Simpsons.

I really hope you feel a little better after having a cry with your mum and that your day improves, just know that I sending some anti-Kleenex vibes your way :hugs:

You have made me smile - thank you :hugs: The vibes you sent me are funny and so is us saving the water crisis! I just didn't think that I could cry any more, but they just keep on coming.

I'm doing ok - just pottering around the internet, I don't feel like doing anything else.

You are right. I don't think that the guy at work would have told me had lost a bub if I hadn't. He has 4 kids now with the youngest being 1 (I think). He said that he lost his bub between his first and second earth babies. I am glad that I went in. I thought I was ready but when I got there I wasn't. I guess I never would have been and like any of the things that we do for the first time, it is going to be hard. Yes I will go in again, just not sure when. 3 of the guys at work have just had babies (2 boys and 1 girl) and another girl is being induced tomorrow. Babies everywhere!!!! Just not here :crying:

Mmmmm, not sure about the movies then. I will have to see what is on. We were thinking of going this weekend.

I am glad I could help :hug: Unfortunately I think they will keep coming for along time, hopefully eventually not as often but I think there will be tears shed over our bubs for eternity.

I agree that the first of anything is hard, and partly I think its sort of like fear of the unknown. Next time you go in, whenever that may be, you probably wont be as nervous cause you know what to expect and you have already seen everyone. That is tough that a few people have had babies. It is so unfair, but I do have confidence that you will be going in there one day - although I dont know when - showing off your bub and introducing him/her as Cooper's baby bro/sis. And remember, it is march ;)

I dont feel like doing anything but playing around on here either, and that is really bad for me cause I have LOTS of housework to do :doh:

I dont know if you like that type of movie, but I will let you know if Norbit is any good tomorrow :crossfingers:

Yes you are right. The tears will never stop. I am confident too that I will be able to walk in there one day with my second bubba. March - the lucky month;) :pray:

I should really be folding the washing and doing the iron but can't be bothered at the moment. I have tennis tonight, hopefully if it doesn't rain. It seems to always rain on a Monday night.

Hope- Is the strongest pillar that protects the entire world

Mel: Nicholas's urn is just beautiful. I understand the mixed emotions that you are feeling but as you say on his website, he is home where he belongs. I hope you enjoy Norbit tomorrow. I think music and lyrics looks good. Have you seen it? Hope that you have a nice day. Oh and I am so sorry about Kenny, I know you loved him very much so don't feel guilty about calling him a freak. RIP Kenny.

Lynn: You are very brave for going back to work. You were meant to be taking Cooper with you today, but just remember that he was there with you anyway, making sure his mumma was ok. Can't wait to see you in the morning. Only 1 sleep now.

Bailey: I think a trip to Bali sounds very romantic, never mind the entourage, if they have any sense they can look after DS while you have some :bd: time ;) Can I ask a stupid question? Is your DP (soon to be DH) a professional surfer? He seems to be surfing all the time so either he is living the dream or he does it for a living. I am thinking Patrick Swaze in Point Break.....

Dream: how is your Grandma going? I hope that everything is ok. Sending you big *be brave* vibes.

Flowerchild: Hey honey, hope all is well at your little slice of heaven. DH will be home soon won't he? Hopefully life calms down a bit then.

Well I am just trying to get myself ready for tomorrows scan. I am feeling positive but at the same time in the back of my mind I am thinking what if? I just have to be confident and positive. I can't wait to see lil Spring and share it with Aunty Lynn. I will email pics as soon as I get back if I can. Bailey I don't think I have your email address so if you have a 007 address let me know.

Big love to all
A very nervous but excited spring.

Hi Gorgeous ones,
Lynn: Courageous and wonderful - what you did was a big step and I am hoping you are feeling okay... It was lovely that everyone made you feel so part of a "family". I am happy it went as well as it could my love... :hug:

Bailey: :happyforyou: Congratulations on taking the big matrimonial step!!! Woo HOO!!!! Bali sounds tooooo good right now!!!!

Mel: I am happy that Nicholas is at home - I think how you are feeling is so "normal" in the circumstances Mel... It is confusing, sad, happy lots of things... Nicholas's urn looks beautiful... :hug:

Spring: I will be thinking of you tomorrow - please come in as soon as you can to tell us the latest update of Lil Spring. He/she will be bouncing along in there - it will all be good Spring... :hug:

Well, yesterday was my Angel baby boys first "birth day". This time last year I was recovering from the anaesthetic to remove our placenta and crying until there were no more tears. This time a year ago I truly believed that the next time would be okay. Little did I know that there would be another angel baby girl and then another tiny angel to follow... I am blessed to have my earth children but God how I miss my Angel babies... I know that I am lucky to havae my children but I just so much want more... I believe in my heart that it will happen but right now I feel quite overwhelmed with the sadness of my "Goodbye Babies"...

Deb, I am so sorry you are feeling such sadness :hug: Of course you are grateful for your earth children, but that doesnt mean your angel babies mean any less. They are still your babies, and you love them as much as the babies you can kiss goodnight. Dont let anyone make you feel like you are not entitled to be heartbroken over what you have been through, you are an incredibly strong woman and you inspire each and every one of us. I send your angel boy a belated birthday wish and I hope all of our angel babies helped make it a special day for him :hugs:

Lynn, I hope you are feeling ok - probably exhausted from your huge day :hug: Meant to say earlier, I agree with DH you definitely deserve a new dress!

Spring, You are a true friend and I wish you all the best for tomorrow :hugs:

I hope everyone else is well.

Love Mel

:hello: everyone,

Mel - I am glad for you that you have your little guy home. I just so wish it was under different circimstances.His little urn is just beautiful. I know what you mean, glad to have them home, but sad. Both feelings can almost cancel the other out and leave you feeling nothing, if that makes sense. I saw your wedding pic's on Nicholas' site, you guys look good together. I love weddings, I just don't want to be in one :) I just want to go and do it quietly. I don't mind our group honeymoon, it's the kind of place that is good in a group anyway, plus we had booked our trip before our marriage!! I am sorry to hear about poor little Kenny, but I do admit to having a little laugh at the thought of you guy and your birds all watching the tv together. Have fun at the movies, I want to see Norbit, it looks stupid, but I love Eddie Murphy and will laugh at anything he does, even though it's dumb. Notes on a scandal sounds a little suss...think I'll avoid that one!

Lynn - Good on you for going into work. I think it's hard seeing people for the first time. I still haven't seen the girls from my old office face to face yet, cos I think it will be really hard too. It must be a relief to have done it though, and it is great that you have so much support from them. Isn't it amazing that once you lose a baby, so many other people come out and tell their stories as well? I guess people just don't talk about it. When DP went back to work after we lost Asha, 4 people he has worked with for years told him how it had happened to them or a close family member. He was shocked, we were still going through that whole thing where we thought we were the only ones.Though it is encourageing to hear that they all went on to have lot's of kids after, like your friend at work. I am sure you will be heading back in there in the not too distant future with your new baby. And I too have a feeling that March is going to be a lucky month for us all. I hope you get some baby germs tomorrow when you go with Spring!!

Spring - Woo hoo, scan tomorrow, and then telling the family. You must be nervous and excited. It's great you have Lynn to come along with you. How exciting! I am so jealous, but only in the good way of course! Ha ha, lol, DP wishes he was a pro-surfer. No, we just live near the beach so he surfs lot's and friends of his run a boat charter company in the Mentawai Islands in northern Indonesia, so he get's to go up there and spend a couple of weeks with his friends "bonding" on a boat. Patrick Swayze...that is hilarious, remember how cool that movie was way back when it came out? My brother and his friends went to a fancy dress party once dressed as the ex-presidents, they looked exactly like the ones in the movie...it was so funny, they busted into the party with toy guns and jumped on the tables and carried on etc. Stay positive for tomorrow. You told me you had no bad feelings with this little one, it is all good, and I was thinking, if your doctor lets Lil Spring meet you a little early, you are about a third of the way through now! Oh and if you wanna share some pics, Lynn has my email. I am so excited for you.

Dream - How is the family going? I hope you are well.

Hello to Flowerchild too!!

Lotsa :bluedust: to everyone!

Dear Flowerchild: This is a special message just for you. I am not a religious person, but I will say a little prayer for your Goodbye babies tonight. They will live in your heart and my heart forever. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Love Spring

Flowerchild - I will be thinking about you and your babies tonight. :hug:

Mel and Spring thankyou for your kind words... I did need them tonight... :hug:
Where would we be without Belly Belly at times like this? I know for me all of you women are a constant source of strength. I think it's worse with my DH away too...
I am going to go now and tuck myself in with a cup of hot chocolate and a bowl of yoghurt!

Thankyou for your prayers for my Angel Baby Boy... I truly believe he can hear - they all can... One day I hope I will understand why...
nighty night... :hug:

Evening girls.

Deb - my candles are flickering for your angel babies :hug:

Spring - I have everything crossed for a beautiful scan tomorrow.

Lynn - I left one job after Caitlyn was born (I was working 2 part time) and each time I go back (I still go there to teach occasionally) I get anxious. I worked there the day we found out Caitlyn had died. My birth centre appointment was in the afternoon. I hated going back and now being pregnant I tend to feel very protective of this little bundle so that no bad vibes reach him. It is amazing who has experienced a loss and when you find out. My midwife was disturbed to find out I had my own little neonatal death group.

Mel, Nat and Bailey :hello:

Flowerchild - big hugs to you :hugs: I am thinking of you and your little bubba. Happy birthday to your precious sweet angel. I bet all the angels had a big party yesterday for him. I hope that one day you can understand why too. Sometimes just knowing the answers help just a little bit. It is such a frustrating path that we are all on the moment, but March is our month

Spring - 'Aunty Lynn' that brought tears to my eyes (I still have some left after today!) That is such a beautiful thing to say. I just can't wait to meet Lil' Spring tomorrow. I know that I can be strong and I will be able to do this with you. Every day lately I feel like I am doing something that is a step forward and I believe that this is helping me. One more sleep :hug:

Mel - Yes I have had a big day. And I just played tennis. It was good to hit the s&^% out of the ball (poor ball!) but I feel better.

Bailey - yes I hope to get lots of baby germs tomorrow :) I can send you some if you want. Patrick Swaze - that is funny! Did you tell him that?

Michelle - it is a hard decision to go back to work. But at the moment I just can't. I'm not sure if I ever will but it is there if I want to. I just need to concentrate on #1.

Nat - thinking of you and your family - big :hug:

Thanks Lynn, Bailey and Michelle for your thoughts.
I am feeling a bit better today... I am sure you all know how it is.
I am scared witless that I am going to ovulate before DH arrives home. I know it's not even rational - I NEVER ovulate before cd16 (cd16 is very early for me) but I have started to get crampy.... I made an error and DH isn't coming home until THURSDAY morning not Wednesday as I thought. Anyway today is cd13 and I have to do an opk - can you believe I am actually hoping for a negative opk???? How confusing is that????!!!!!

Just between us the Clomid has b een an absolute shocker this month. I am cranky as 10 old men!!!! Hopefully by the time DH returns I will be sweetness and roses again!!!!

I will pop back later... :hug:

YIPPIE................. For once some good news!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I survived and Lil' Spring is doing very well.. First of all a huge thank you to Aunty Lynn :woman:, you are a sweetheart and I am eternally grateful to you for sharing today wth me.

Well the good news, no the GREAT news is that Lil Spring doesn't have single umbiliacle artery this time WHOOOO HOOOOO. Also, the spine looks as straight as it possibly could at this stage. Although I have to wait a while to confirm that the spine is ok, it is looking perfectly normal which with Harry's 12 week scan wasn't the case. The nuchal translucency was 1 which is apparently good but to be honest I was concentrating so much on all the other stuff that I didn't take much notice of that. I had my blood test also which they ended up taking it from the vein in my hand because I have such sucky veins so I should get the full report within 2 days.

I do feel better. Still riddled with nerves, but this is a major hurdel to have overcome so I have to feel proud and happy that I have made it this far. The essential facts are

GA: 12w4d
HB: 154bpm
CRL: 6.22cm
EDD: 21 September 2007

Thank you so much for allowing me to share this news with you all. You are such a special group of friends and I know that you all with be sharing such wonderful news with me before long.

:grouphug:

Spring

Sorry Flowerchild I just saw your post. I hope that your little eggie waits for DH but as you said, you never O before CD 16 so I know in my heart that it will be the same this week.

Fingers crossed for a negative OPT (just this once)

luv Spring

OH Spring YIPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! :happyforyou:

This is wonderful news. :dance:

Lil Spring is going great guns. I am so happy for you and your family. I have a HUGE smile on my face! :hug:

Thanks flowerchild.

It is funny, I was going through my scan photos and realised that I have the spine, thorasic cavity, umbilical cord and only a few cute ones of the face. Not the innocent first time mum any more but nothing makes me happier than looking at that perfectly straight spine.

Life takes so interesting twists and turns doesn't it, but you've just got to hold on.

Luv Spring

You relish those beautiful spinal shots. Lil Spring has a different destiny - one that will see her/him born wet and gooey, hollering loudly... We are all here every step of the way. :hug:

I just emailed them to DH so hopefully we can relish them together.

I am going to do something huge and go and post a pregnancy announcement. I think that I am finally ready.

Wish me luck

Luv Spring

Luck! :hug:

:happyforyou: :happyforyou: :happyforyou: :happyforyou: Spring, I am just so happy for you. It was an absolute honour and priviledge to meet lil' Spring today and to see him/her bouncing around AND to hear that ever important heartbeat. I usually work myself up over things like I did about going into work yesterday but I never worked myself up about going with you today. I actually thought it would be harder for me, but to be honest I wasn't even thinking of how I was feeling. I was just so concerned for you and how you were feeling and hoping that everything was ok - which it is! It was only since I got home that I thought about what I did today and I am a bit emotional but it is happy emotions for you. I know my time is coming. Have you spoken to DH yet? I bet he is soooooo excited!

Flowerchild - I hope your eggies hold on! Just this once. Bloody Clomid! Can't it be nice to you for a change. I could not imagine you cranky though - I'm sure you are always like roses. I have been ok so far - Clomid is being kind to me this time around.

Thanks Lynn, although I hope you are not feeling too emotional. It was a big morning for all involved, especially my poor veins (lol).

I did eventually speak to DH, his phone was out of service at the driving range so as soon as he got his service back he called. Poor bugger hadn't even listened to my message as he just wanted to talk to me ASAP. You could hear the relief in his voice instantly.

I have just been lying around since I got home but time to get a load of washing on.

pop in later.
Luv Spring

What a big day you've had Spring and Lynn. :hug: I am glad you were able to talk to your DH Spring...

Well I just did an opk and the second line is showing (%$%$#$$). It's not a positive probably 3 shades lighter than the positive but something is beginning to happen methinks. I just cannot believe it! I hope that I don't get a positive before Thursday... I will do another later tonight to see what is happening. I just have to let go though. I cannot change things and to me if I ovulate before DH arrives home then this month wasn't meant to be. What I will be cranky about is that I wasted a month on clomid if I do ovulate too early. Okay time for positive thought.... " It will all be as it should".

Oh Deb I hope they hang on until Thursday. Why don't our eggies do what we want them to do?????? I have everything crossed for you :crossfingers:

Thanks LYnn. They will! Of course they will!!!! :cryinglaugh:

Logically I was on the clomid cd5-9 so surely surely surely it's gonna take a bit longer for a follie to be nice and ripe. I NEVER ovulate on cd15 NEVER! So, if I do this month it just wasn't meant to be.
Keep all of those "no positive opk until Thursday" vibes a commin!!!! :hug:

Flowerchild I reckon that darn OPK should be stinking illegal. Just ignore them. The way that your body has worked in the past, is the best indicator of how it will work in the future.

Stay put eggies, at least until Thursday.

Luv Sping

Hi everybody,

Spring - :dance: Yay on your 12 week ultrasound!! That is great news, I hope you can relax a little now. So who and when are you going to tell??

Lynn - So very brave of you to go along. It is a massive step and must have been hard. you really are a great friend, hopefully Spring can be returning this support for you very soon.

Flowerchild - I hope your eggs get lazy and don'tcome too early for you, and if they do, hopefully they stick around till you and DH can get some :bd: done.

I'll come back later and say hello and babble on some more :D

I am sitting here by myself crying and I don't know what to do - I just found out that my friend from work had a baby boy today. I am happy that another baby has entered this world safely but it has just brought up so many emotions - I just feel like everyone around me are having healthy babies, why couldn't I. I just keep going over and over the same things - I did everything right. I didn't drink, smoke, eat the wrong food, so why did this happen. I don't wish this on anyone but I know a number of people that have just had healthy babies and they drank during their pregnancies. I know that this is their choice, but I didn't do it and I still lost my baby. I'm just so angry with the world right now and just so upset.

Lynn: I wish I could reach through this computer and give you a big hug. You have every right to be upset, mad, sad, whatever you are felling. We were talking today about how people who take risks like drinking alcohol, go and have perfectly healthy babies and there is nothing I can say or do it make it seem ok or fair. It is unfair. I know you wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, but it is hard not to feel ripped off when you took every precaution possible an life still was so cruel. I don't know if I have helped much but more than anything I just wanted to reassure you that it is ok to feel how you feel. You are a wonderful person, a wonderful mother and the most amazing friend. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Luv Spring