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Thanks girls for your wishes. *Hope* is growing beautifully and has a nice strong heartbeat. He/she was bouncing around so much down there kicking it's little legs. I told it to stop moving!!! It isn't allowed to move!!!!! Oh that's right, it is a wireless baby so it can ;) My mood has finally changed!!! Let's see how long it stays like this for.
Kristy - not sure if you prefer to be called Kristy or Saph, maybe let us know so we all call you the same thing. Well my story is that I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and I don't ovulate on my own. It took a while to find out the problem and then with the help of a fertility drug called Clomid and after 2 years we FINALLY conceived Cooper. Heartbreakingly we lost Cooper at 37 weeks to a cord accident. Like Auntie M we went for a routine ultrasound and found out that there was no heartbeat. Coop was born with the cord tightly around his little neck. Once we were given the all clear we started TTC again. I was put on Clomid again but after 2 cycles I wasn't ovulating. I went to see a fertility specialist who put me on Metformin which helps control my insulin and the PCOS and monitored me with blood tests and ultrasounds to see if and when I was ovulating. It was discovered that my body was not responding to Clomid this time around so I had to take the next step which was daily injections of FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and IUI. To my suprise (and my fertility specialist) it worked first time. He had told us that it may take a few cycles to get the dose right. So after 5 months of trying (which felt so much longer than the 2 years it took with Cooper) our little miracle started to grow. Nicknamed *Hope*, my little bean is what gets me through each day. The TTC journey is so painful and heartbreaking but with the support of these wonderful and beautiful women, I would not be where I am today. It is so good to come in here with all your fears and anxieties and be told that you are normal. Do they know what is the cause of your infertility? It is like being kicked while you are already down isn't it? It is like you can't have this baby but we will make you struggle for another. Who made this life so darm hard!!!! Anyway, I wish you all the best and hope that this journey is short and sweet for you :hug:
Spring - how are you feeling today? I hope your hip is ok :hugs:
Mel - how is that cramping going? I hope you are ok. If that witch arrives at your place, let me know because I will kick her ars3!!!!!
Auntie M - the cherry tree sounds beautiful! It is so hard isn't it, thinking about what they would look like and what they would be doing. Big big :hugs: to you. Up the top of the page where your log on details are if you click on the mood, a list will drop down.
Jo - how are you going? I hope you get some answers from the dr. Nothing worse than heartburn!! Well there is but ykwim.
Klee - are you doing ok today? From your post it sounds like you might be having a difficult day. I'm here for you if you need an ear :hug:
Kat - have you done a test yet? My fingers and toes are crossed for you :pray:
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Yay Lynn, I was waiting for you to post your wonderful news. If I could move properly I would be doing a :dance: HAPPY DANCE :dance: for you.
Thanks for asking about my hip, feeling even better today.
Lv Spring
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thanks for your wishes today ladies, it has been a tough morning emotionally speaking. one of the bosses heres father died and i went to pay my condolences and sort of lost it, i just sort of mentioned that i was having a tough year and had lost someone earlier in the year and that I was feeling for him, didn't mean to make it about me, it just kind of happened, feel kind of bad about it actually. i know he probably didn't think anything of it, i just tend to overthink these days, more so today, blah blah blah blah blah. to top it off the lady next to me was saying how she just became a grandmother again, i know she tried to be quiet about it, she sent the other ladies an email but not me, its kind of a strange feeling really, i don't know if it makes sense probably not. i don't even know what i am trying to say, i am so scattered today.
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Thanks for sharing your stories girls, I know that it can be extremely hard.
Happy 5 month birthday Phoebe. Hugs to you Klee. It's hard when people keep things from you because they think it will upset you less... You feel a bit like an outcast sometimes. I make a big point of telling everyone what happened to us just to make people more aware how often this kind of thing really happens.
You can call me Kristy :)
Lynn, we have no reasons for our fertility problems, no reasons for our miscarriage or chemical pregnancy either. I'm starting my second round of clomid tomorrow, we will be going the IUI route if our 3rd cycle of clomid doesn't work. Thankfully the clomid gave me a good ovulation response and my prog levels were quite high so we're just sticking with that for now. Hubby does have 85% abnormality rate on his little swimmers and that may be a cause, but we're really not sure.
Congratulations on having a great scan :)
Are any of you members of any support groups? I'm a member of SANDS and have found it to be a bit of a life saver :)
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Klee: Sorry you had a tough day today. IKWYM about the days when you 'overthink'. I find my mind is my biggest enemy. About the email, I think the lady was only trying to do what she thought was right. It may not have been the right thing leaving you out of the email, but at least you know she considered how you were felling. Big :hug: babe.
Kristy: There must be something about that name (and the spelling in particular) and a connection with amazing people ;) can you guess who else has that name? I used to live in Kallangur in Nth Brissy and only this year moved to Sydney. I found SANS to be great support in Brissy. I never went to their meetings but I read their materials and newsletters. I shed a lot of tears over those newsletters but reading that other people had lost children and gone on to survive really inspired me. Pitty I am not still up that way or we could have met up.
Pop in later
Lv Spring
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lol Kristy is a fabulous name. We used to live so close, I live in Narangba!!
Bugger that you're not here anymore. SANDS now have subsequent pregnancy meetings too so people who are pregnant now can talk about how they're feeling, which I think is wonderful :)
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spring/saph - guess who else?, meeeeeeeeeeee, not that spelling though lol
thanks for the thoughts today, its getting a little better, i know she was only thinking of me and I wonder whether one of the other ladies had mentioned to her what day is was, cause one of them came up to me and gave me a hug and said she knew what today was, so i guess that was nice
spring - too right about it being our worst enemy, if only we could turn it off for a while.
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lynn - sorry honey been only thinking of myself today, so glad to hear hope is growing well.
and mel hope the pain has eased
and everyone else, sorry i will do personals tomorrow, just can't quite think straight
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There are Kristy's (all spelling combo's) everywhere.
Soon we will rule the world... whoohahaha
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Saph, I just saw that you live in Narangba, bugger, we would have been neighbours.
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Hi girls!!
Well i couldn't resist, i did a HPT and im not pregnant yet. I am not too disapointed because i wasn't really sure of my cycle etc, so DH and i will keep trying!! I guess now i am expecting the witch on the 27th, so thats 11 days of trying hard!!!
Hey Klee, thinking of you today. :hug: Every day has its reminders, but its even harder on these extra special days. IKWYM about breaking down at work!! I had a break down while i was in town doing the banking!! Most embarrasing!! But it felt good too. I got support from the ladies at the take away store!! (small towns, i love it) A few of them had lost babies at some stage, so they shared their stories and it helped abit... plus i didn;t feel so crazy
Im sure Phoebe is playing away the day somewhere thinking of you and her daddy. A friend gave me a poem, i might post it tomorrow, its sweet, about angel babies playing in an angel Castle. I need to boost up my posts so i can PM so its a good reason!!
Aunty M A cherry tree sound fantastic!! You will be able to enjoy the cherries! We planted a Poincianna tree for Zahra at the pub i work at. Its growing nicely, and its nice to tend to it, i water it and stuff and it is quite theropudic (sorry about spelling) I sort of talk to her abit while i do it, it helps.
Jo Hope you are ok, good that you are getting checked out!! Keep your spirits up!!
Mel i think spring has sorted out my PM delema, i will try to email you tonight, we will get it together somehow!!
Kristy Hi there, welcome to our world! I am a huge chatter box so i will try to keep my short run down on my history short..... but i doubt that will happen....
My DH and i started trying as soon as we were married. We weren't full on trying , just not taking any precautions. After a year nothing had happened and we were about to look into having tests when i got pregnant. I was young and it was my first pregnancy so the doc said i shouldn't need a 12 week scan. everything seemed normal, my belly was growing, i was sick most of the day, everything seemed normal. When i went for my 18 week scan the sonographer said something was wrong but he couldn't tell us what. I had to drive to the closest large town (1/2 an hour away) for another scan. I saw a feotal surgeon (greg someone, really nice man) and he told me my baby had severe organ deformities. He only had one kidney which was really more a mass of cysts and he had fluid all through his body especially around his brain. The kidney was so big that it had squashed his other organs so they weren't growing properly. I was basically told that while he was still alive now, he had no chance of survival. It was a friday afternoon so i was going to have to wait until monday and go into the hospital and give birth to my angel baby boy Darren. Doctors did tests and found no aparant reason for this happeneing. They discribed it as a baby who should have miscarried but didn't. I had chromosomes checked and they were all good.
After this we waited awhile to try again. About a year later i fell pregnant first month off the pill and miscarried at 5 weeks, but didn't let it go until around 10 or 12 weeks. Again my body didn't want to let go. I had a D&C
I sort of tried to ignore my miscarrage like it didn't really matter. I hardly told any family. I told myself that it wasn't the same as loosing Darren because i wasn't that far along. Turned out it effected me more than i thought and my DH.After a few months we broke down and we went through alot of blood sweat and tears. We made it through eventually, much thanks to the fact that i got pregnant again.
Now we come to Zahra. I had my NT scan and had bad results for my age.. which stressed me out. Then at 18 weeks we found that i had a single vein single artery chord.(more stress) So we had a scan at 35 weeks to check if she was growing. The dr found a blood clot and an obstruction in her bowel and sent me home. I took myself to the hospital the next day but it was too late, the blood clot on my placenta had ruptured and Zahra's lifeline was lost.
I have had tests done and it turns out i have anticardiolipin antibodies which caused the bloodclot. This time (when it happens) i have to take aspirin to thin my blood. As for organ abnormalities i just have to hope that my body does a better job next time.
That wasn't too bad a rave i hope. I could have said more!!
Thats all from me folks!!
Take care evryone!
Katxox
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Klee - big big hugs to you babe. It sounds like you had a tough day. They can't be predicted, they just appear and we deal with them as best we can. Don't ever apologise for only thinking of yourself. You have to look after #1!!! And especially today, today is Phoebe's day :hug:
Kristy - hopefully Clomid works for you :pray: I am part of SIDS here in Sydney. SANDS merged with SIDS. I attend their support group once a month (which happens to be on tomorrow).
Kat - I'm sorry you got a bfn, I just hope it is too early to tell.
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Katti, I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how heartbroken you are :(
With Amy, it took 6 days for my body to relent to being induced, and my misscarriage was also a missed miscarriage and ended up having a D&C.
I also try to tell myself that it doesn't count as much as it was only 9 weeks, but I know I'm deluding myself....
I spoke to my Fertility Specialist today, and she seems positive that we'll end up with a healthy baby out of all this. I guess with the chemical preg, we at least know that we managed to conceive, we just had a problem with the baby sticking... so that's what we'll work on this time around.
I just want to have a baby before I'm 30... that's September next year.... that's giving myself heaps of time.
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Lynn - YAY Hope :dance:
Klee - I am sorry today was so tough :hug: How you feeling now? Just remember dreams can come true ;) Pains are ok, still a little niggling feeling but cant complain.
Spring - Was great talking to you. LOL @ ruling the world - Dr Evil :p
Bailey - How exciting, you get your computer tomorrow WOOHOO!
Katti - I am sorry about your BFN, are your sure that there is still no hope though? The 27th is 10 days away, you never know :hug: Thanks for the email, I have replied.
Saph - Hopefully your FS can give you that special birthday present for your 30th, just believe that to be the case (at least thats the angle I am trying at the moment, some days I convince myself :rolleyes:).
Jo - How you doing?
Georgie - Where ya hiding? Pop in and let us know how you are doing?
Oh well shower and bed for me - goodnight girlies.
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Howdy everyone. just tested today and got negative results. i really thought it would be positive, but i guess i am so out of whack with my own feelings . . . . dh is right that it could have been too early with my cycles messed up after Yeti. bummer of a day.
Klee- happy 5 month birthday to Phoebe, hugs to you for such a painful day. ikwym, it is so difficult to not feel other's pain so deeply now. i've also felt that i had to explain why i was feeling so strongly for someone else, then i'm not sure if i did the right thing. your boss probably just took comfort from your solace. i could use that mind switch too.
Lynn- Yeah for Hope! wireless sounds like the way to go. ;)
Kat- maybe your test was too early? that's what i'm telling myself today. i'm not sure i believe myself, though. what is a Poincianna tree? it sounds lovely. i talk to my cherry trees too, i'm glad i'm not the only one.
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thanks again for your thoughts yesterday ladies, am a little better today. I had no comprehension of anything yesterday, people were asking me questions and it was like they weren't speaking english, it was kind of funny actually, now that I look at it.
going to have a read through the posts and do some personals later.
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Howdy everyone. has anyone here heard about or tried EMDR as a method to cope with grief? a workmate just suggested it as an idea for dealing with the processing of a death that includes trauma. i guess we have all had our share of that sort of trauma. anyway, i had never heard of EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). i've scouted about on the web, but still have no better idea of whether it is appropriate for grief. everyone around me (and me) is still looking for that magic bullet, i guess. thanks, m
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Auntie M, I don't think there is something that is just going to fix it...
The grief of losing a child does ease over time, but it will always be with us. I know for me personally, Amy's first birthday was a big turning point for me, it's almost as if I'd dedicated a year to her, had the intense grief, and that now it was time to take a bit of a step back, get back into life and try to think of the memories I did have with her and try to be happy....
Plus, It's only been 4 months, you shouldn't expect yourself to be "fixed" yet. Hugs
