-
Kristy - I'm glad that you are talking with a FS. They WILL help you get a healthy bub this time. I know the feeling of wanting a baby before you are 30. I have been trying to have a baby since I was 26. *Hope* is due a month before my 30th.
Mel - hope you are feeling a little bit better today. Big big :hug:
Auntie M - I am sorry you got a bfn. I just hope that it is too early and you get your BFP very very soon :pray: Unfortunately there is no easy answer to grief. I have not heard of EMDR but if you think it may help a little, it is worth a try.
Klee - I know yesterday was tough for you. I hope you have a little bit better day today :hugs:
Kat - have you tested again?
Jo - how are you going?
-
I am plucking up the courage to ask if I can join you girls.
I lost my little girl Annabelle at 31 weeks in April 2002. Since then we had samuel who is a healthy nearly 3 yr old and since we started TTC again for a closer in age sibling we have had 3 miscarriages and several chem pg, although nothing except BFNs since the last m/c in December last year.
I am 43 and running out of hope, to the point where this cycle i am not even charting.. just sitting abck. I have a cold and sore throat which has carreid over from last cycle so going on 3 weeks now so I am not expecting a BFP til my body has recovered anyhow. CD1 here today and I go for my CD3 FSH, LH and E2 on Friday.
I had them done last year in Janaury but was Cd12 I think I O'd 2 days later... FSH then was 4 and E2 was 552.
I am ok most of the time but as I get closer to each obvious AF approaching i go thru stages of anger that I had to say goodbye to Annabelle and then go thru several m/c and still no closer. I wrote that on my blog and was told "It's alright to allow yourself to feel angry, but at some point you've got to tell yourself that perhaps you get 30 min every morning to scream, shout, cry, whatever you need to do, then go on about your day. We will continue to pray for you, dear Judy. But remember, that sometimes the answer is just "no"... "
Anyhow.. tea is ready so I have to depart.
I look forward to getting to know you all.
Hugs
Judy
-
Hi angelicdragon - of course you are more than welcome to join us, but I am so sorry that you have the need to :hug: I only just saw your thread the other day and posted to you in that. I am so sorry for everything you have been through, to lose Annabelle and then to go through all of those miscarriages, I really feel for you. I found BB only a month after losing Nicholas and I have to say without these amazing women I dont know how I would have gotten through, so I hope you can gain as much support in your journey as I have. I really hope you can give Samuel a brother or sister very soon :hugs:
Oh and call me dumb but I dont think I really understand that comment on your blog, how did you take that? I sometimes take things to heart but are they telling you to get over it? Thats like a red flag to a bull for me LOL! And I dont really get what "sometimes the answer is just "no"... " means!?!?!?
Anyway, welcome to the thread and I look forward to seeing you around.
Mel
-
Oh Judy I just looked at your website - Annabelle is just so beautiful and I am so sorry that she was taken away from you :hug: It just breaks my heart seeing her photos and I am just sitting here crying thinking about all of our babies who didnt even get a chance :(
Annabelle is up there playing with Nicholas and all of the the other angels, and watching over their families who miss them so much.
-
I'm sorry that you need to join us in this thread Judy :(
I'm sorry to hear about losing your precious daughter, and then having the pain of several miscarriages.... :hugs:
-
howdy everyone. feeling blue today. it is too hard to imagine myself with a live kid. so i am stewing in a vat of self pity.
Kristy- you are right, there is no way to avoid the pain. just some days i want so badly to fast-forward to a better point, one where i primarily feel that i was lucky to have Yeti for the brief time I did -- rather than just raging against his absence.
Judy- i am so sorry for your losses, but am glad you have joined here. my heart goes out to you in so many ways. i'm with Mel, i don't really get that blog comment. if you need more than 30 minuets to feel what you feel, then you take it! better directed out than directed in.
-
Judy: Welcome to the thread honey. Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures of Annabellle, she is truely a sweet little angel. I am sorry you have had to join us but trust me, there is no better place to be for support and understanding :hugs:
Autie M: You are totally allowed to stew in self pity, as long as you know that is normal and there are days when we just need to wallow. I too find it hard to imagine myself with a live child and I am about to have one. Deb is really good at helping with positive thinking and has said you should imagine that healthy baby in your arms because one day it will become your reality. Just take your time honey, it is still early days for all of us. We are here if you need us.
Lv Spring
-
Hi Girls,
It's me the phantom poster. I am getting the new computer tonight..horray. I have been suffereing without you lot everyday. It has been horrible, having to talk to DH :p
I haven't had a chance to ready through everyones posts just yet, but I promise I will tonight and post properly.
Welcome to Saph and Angelicdragon, I am sorry you ladies have to join us here, but i hope you find it half as helpful as I did, and still do.
I will just make thia a bit selfish til I can read everyones posts, but I had my NT scan on monday, and going in, I was so scared, I had decided I didn't want any pic's or to even look at the screen, as the last time I saw an ultrasound of my baby, it was not moving :( I was about to ask her to turn my screen off, when she put it on my stomach and there was our little monster jumping around and little arma and legs flying everywhere. SO I decided to keep it on. I only cried once, when they showed me the heartbeat. I still decided I didn't want any photos just yet. Little *Faith* is messuring a little bit small, a day or two behind my dates, but that was to be expected when my cycles are so out, so they were not concerned at all. My risk rate came back as 1 in 2400, and that would more than likely be higher after the results of my blood tests. So that was good to hear. So, now I just have to wait til my next Dr's appointment which is in 2 weeks today. I am really looking forward to that, as it is with the high risk DR, and he is meant to be fantastic.
Well, I will keep trying to visit through the day when I can, but if not, I will speak to you all tonight, on my new computer.Yay!!
-
:dance: yay Bailey is back, we've missed you.
That is awesome news about Faith, I am sooooo happy.
Can't wait until you are back online later tonight.
I was thinking about having to start Bailey Patches (lol)
Lv Spring
-
Hall. thank yuo s much for the welcome.
Mel thank you for looking up Annabelles page. I'll have to add my blog tag to my webpage then you can read the entry in context to what my friend told me. She was saying I guess that sometimes no matter how much we want a new baby or pray for one Gods answer is No and we have to accept it. Hard to take sort of answer though. As for being angry about not having Annabelle and the m/c's and time running out and no baby.. well I am not angry all the time just when AF arrives again and my homrones get all whacked out and well.. yeah.. hard to explain. I just looked at Nicholas' Home page and he is an adorable baby. It is so sad to know that he is in eternal sleep not just a baby sleep. (((hugs)))
Bailey congrats on seeing a good healthy baby moving and kicking . I guess the fear of a scan never leaves you .. I had scans every OB visit with Samuel as my OB wanted to check cord placement too.. he could have checked his heart with the doppler but each time he did a very quick scan. I asked for pictures each time I could so I could a memory album JIC. The things we do to safeguard our emotions. I hope Faith continues to grow bigger and stronger.
Auntie M ((((hugs)))) for the slow days
I had this poem taped to my monitor for months
Into the Depths.
Last week
I could have cast my life aside
Like an old shoe.
I could have ended my stay.
I cannot tell
How seas of hopelessness
Drowned my soul.
I could not speak
of my wish for death.
I drew into myself
Like a snail into its shell
Wishing for an end.
I withdrew from those I love
Not caring for them anymore.
There was a devastation
in my innnermost soul
and a terrible aloneness
and I was smitten down
into the depths of the abyss
It was in a book given to me by a friend and I think it really accurately described how I felt... But.. there is a rainbow. It can be hard to find but somewhere out there for all of us is a bright colourful rainbow reminding us of happiness and that life does go on. A different life to what we were used to but it does go on. I now look for rainbows when it rains as a sign that all will be well , that after the greyness the colour comes back.
Kristy hugs to you too coz you too have had your share of losses. ((((hugs))))
Lynn, Jo, Kat, Klee, Saph, I hope to get to know you all :)
hugs
Judy
-
Hey all,
Just dropping in quickly, How is everyone?
Judy - welcome, sorry you have to join us here, I just checked out annabelle's page,thankyou for sharing! She is beautiful!
-
Bailey - YAY Bailey's back :confetti: Huge congrats on Faith's scan, I am glad you looked cause it might help you with feeling like you truly are pregnant, seeing her there on the screen and all. Cant wait til you can get a piccie though - you know I will want to see!
Aunty M - You are sooooo entitled to wallow in self pity if thats what you need to do, I have had my fair share of doing it believe me. I understand the feeling of not being able to imagine a live child in your arms, after this long of TTC after Nicholas was taken from us I struggle to imagine it myself, but Spring is right just keep telling yourself it will happen. If you dont believe it at first, maybe eventually you will start to think yeah I can do this. Big :hug: to you.
Judy - You cant be angry all the time, you have that beautiful little boy in your life. Noone can be angry all of the time though, but we are still entitled to be when we need to be. It is a part of grief and you should be allowed to experience whatever emotion you need to experience at that time. I agree that answer is hard to take, I cant accept it - but that's me. Hope you are feeling ok today :)
Jo - How are you? You havent been around much, so I hope thats just cause your busy with life. Remember if you need support we are all here for you :hugs:
Hi to everyone else, hope you are all well :hug:
-
Yay Bailey!!! You're back!! :dance: That is great news about *Faith*. I know the feeling of not wanting to look at the screen. I don't look until they tell me that *Hope* is fine. I have had weekly scans since 8 weeks and they give me photos and it is incredible to see how much they develop and how fast they develop. Can't wait for you to get a pic so I can see.
Mel - how are you going? Have you resisted the urge to test?
Jo - hey there! It is always good to hear from you because you don't come in very often. How are you going?
Judy - I am so sorry that you have to join this group but I hope you find loads of support here.
Auntie M - I'm sorry that you are not having a good day. Unfortunately they do come and go. I too find it hard to believe that I will ever have a living child. It has just been so long that we have been trying with no success. It is so frustrating and you stew in self pity. Sending you a big big :hug:
Hope everyone else is well
-
hey all,
Just a quick one from me, i'm off to have a glucose test today, so this morning I am starving!!!!
I'll be back later!
-
Hi Bailey, it's nice to hear you had a great scan :)
Auntie M, it's perfectly fine to wallow, we've all done it and it's part of the grieving process. I find it hard to imagine our lives with a baby as each time we're pregnant we never seem to be able to get that next step towards actually having the baby....
I'm on my 3rd day of clomid today, the side effects don't seem to be hitting me as hard this time around... wonder if that means that my body is getting used to it....
It saddens me to think that also when I'm lucky enough to get a BFP again, that I won't enjoy it because of all the losses that we've had :(
-
Angelicdragon and Saph - welcome to BB and sorry that you are here. Your angels are just so precious. Hope your journey here is short and i am sure you will get loads of support from all the ladies here.
Angelicdragon - how do we view Annabelles page? Would love to see it.
Saph - Oh what a wonderful job you did on Amys page. I was just balling my eyes out. She is absolutely beautiful - and would have been a real cutey.
Aunty M - sorry you are feeling so sad. It is hard isnt it (life is crap sometimes). You will have a baby in your arms very soon...
Hugs to you all.
XX
-
Hello and Happy Friday.. we wake to the weekend and ability to sleep in .. well maybe lol.
Tommysmum to view Annabelles page you click on my name and it brings up a menu so then you go to "Visit Angelicdragons homepage" and it brings you to my links page with links to all our family pages and other useful info. Just click on the tag "Annabelle" the one that says baby is my current FF chart. Your little girl is only 2 1/2 wks older than Samuel. I am so sorry to read of Tommy (((hugs))) Congrats on your pregnancy .
Jo I hope you pass the glucose test.. does the test make you want to fall asleep too when you take it?
Hi Mel, thank you for your comments. yes he is my gorgeous boy although he says "I not gorgeous, I Samuel" lol. I think my anger is just hormones mainly. It did take me over a year to start to feel ok but lately AF is hard to take. You are day 27.. how do you think you will fare this cycle? Are you taking/doing anything for TTC?
I hope you all have a good weekend.
hugs
Judy
-
Hi girls its me.......Nat yes yes I know Nat who! Im sorry I havent been on but trust me I have been kept upto date on you all (thanks Lynn)
Firstly A big welcome to Judy and Kristy, Im sorry for the loss of your angels but there is no better place then the girls in here. I hope we can all help you get through these times.
I havnt read posts as I would never get on the computer and say Hi to anyone.
Tommysmum - hows that belly going? cant wait to see you girls again with your ever expanding tummies! Are you well?
Bailey - big congrats on the NT scan, it is such a tough one, trying not to look, but im only thinking positive thoughts for you! Hows your DS going? and the house?
Spring - Oh my goodness not long to go now, I cant wait to rub your belly and then even better give little spring the biggest kisses and cuddles! When do you move? are you all packed up? do you need a hand with anything and more so hows the hip? what are you doing to yourself!
Mel - Im going to give you a call, just my life is non stop at the moment I feel like im in a spin and need my feet to be put back on the ground.......all your test came back clear have you seen the FS yet and do you have a plan? (sorry if you have posted this and if you are over saying it I will understand) Hows the kids?
Lynn - well I know your growing OK!!!!! It was so good to catch up you are looking so well. How was work this week?
Deb - Im loving Col's growing! I just cant belive how fast its all going......maybe not for you but me its flying these babies will all be here before I know it! Im still sending lots of prays to you and the girls I want to hear baby cries soon! Hows the rest of your clan going? any baking lately?
Jo - How you going? I hope your well I need to have a good long read to catch up.
Aunty M - Hi there, caught up with anymore wonderful Australian movies? A good one that was on here the other night was Murials wedding! OMG is all I have to say. I hope your well.
Well, DS went back to school DH back to work and of course the computer STOPS :throw_computer: So its back on line from this morning! Im going to try and read a couple of post back and catch up on whats been going on here! Will be back soon.
Lots of love Nat xxx
