Ellie,
I have been lurking and scared to post much because you all seem so much more together than I am and, frankly, what can I add? I am still reeling from my loss this summer. But your post struck a strong chord in my heart. I want you to know although I have not gone through anything close to what you have endured, I have moments of complete dispair and thoughts that seem too bitter to even be me. (the other day, I found myself thinking "if I were a druggie hooker like her, I would have 4 kids and never know the pain of loving a baby I cant hold") I can't imagine seeing you as any kind of failure. There seems to be a lot of women in here who have faith in you... none of us can tell you when enough is enough but I would be willing to bet the farm (i'm from texas.. sorry) that when you're running low on some perspective of how amazing you are.. you can borrow some from the women in here who care so much about you.

Many Blessings,
Cece