Nat- Thank you for your reply, I rely so much on my mum and dad that I dont want to ask them for anymore than I already Do(in relation to having them a few hours), my husbands family is little help so no relief there,I do have 2 girlfriends that are a great help they live 1 hour away but do come every 2 weeks and just look after the kids fold washing etc so that is great, your sister is lucky to have so many sisters to help. With the PND it is funny you should bring that up because I often wonder if I do have it, I had a girlfriend who had it so I am aware of it, I guess I am to scared to talk to my doc about it incase I do have it IYKWIM I guess fearful that someone will be able to definately define that I can not cope. Thank you so much for your reply it is sometimes just good to get it off my chest, before I had kids I was a successful business women my whole life dedicated to succeeding, now I have no control at all of how my day goes and I guess I am scared that I will fail at this mamoth task called motherhood. It is certainly the biggest challenge I have ever faced, although it is the most rewarding.

Lucy- It is great to know I am not the only one, my DH is great and at the end of the day when 1 baby just will not go to sleep he takes control and tells me to go do whatever I want he will look after it all and he does. I know he feels for me, this is sad for me as I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me (almost like he looks at me and thinks you poor thing, he often apologises for his part in all this : ) )

With relation to the passion of my own, somehow I cannot even think of what I like anymore, in all honesty I have no idea what I love to do, I do love reading but time really dosent permit me to do that, I do love the pamper theory, I go for a massage about once every 3 to 4 weeks, my husband tells me to go more often but again I feel bad asking mum to have the kids even if it would only be for 1 1/2 hours so I can have a massage. I have so much guilt when I ask others to help, I believe the kids are my responsibility, I know how hard it is and I don't expect others to have to do what I feel is my problem IYKWIM.

Well thank you both for your replies, I must fly now and do some washing..

Jules