Pregnant 10wks with twins. Dh want divorce n abortion

[Queenluxury]

oh no. Sounds scary about the levels dropping. You worked so hard to fall pregnant and then all the stress with your partner and now this

I can't get my head around your H. (I'll drop the D, b/c he's not that Darling or Dear lol). Did he think that the IVF wasn't going to be successful? I'm not being rude - I'm genuinely trying to work out why he might be so anti- baby right now. What's your experience of his family like? You don't have to answer anything, by the way. Just typing out aloud.
The only thing I can think of right now is to try and get him to attend a session with you and the counsellor (I can hear him thinking of excuses, right now), but mainly to have somebody to mediate these conversations for both of you. How to work out the logistics if you decide to keep the babies. As much as he thinks he can walk away from all of this, like others have said, the pre-nup may not stand up if he's gone through IVF with you and you're expecting his children. It also sounds like he's not allowing you to talk and it's all on his terms. A bit like the pre-nup.
I work as a psychologist, but I don't provide much couples counselling. I do know that at times, you can invite the partner in for a one-off session to discuss a few things or involve them (especially if you're working with children). There's so many questions. Is the only reason why he's wanting a divorce b/c you are pregnant? He really needs a good kick up the bum! Unfortunately, counsellors can't do that bit (well, not physically, anyway). I'm really sorry for the way that everything's going for you right now. You're doing exceptionally well, under a really really stressful time. Not easy.

Haha my D is stand for " Dumb " lol he was upset when first cycle didnt go thru. He was the one who cheer me up and tell me to be strong to go for my FET cycle. He was the one who tell me I'm sure u will get preg this time.
When we went for a scan at week 7 n found out it twins, he was shocked but didn't say anything about leaving me or not keeping the babies.
After that1 week, he came home from work n said I don't think in ready for kids or be settle down for the rest of my life. " it's just hit me that this is not what I want. When I saw the twins I realize there is no going back "
He said he having a doubt that he will be ready to be with me forever and he doesn't want to have kids if one day he will get up n leave.
His dad left his mum when he is 15-16 yrs old. He said he doesn't want to be like his dad.
" I want a time off for like 2-3 months to figure it out what I want .maybe who know in 6 months ill take u back n we can try to hv baby again" That's what he said


He only want me to go counseling and hope I realize raising two babies in my own is too hard. He didn't want me to go because he think it will help me emotionally with this issue.

[Three Graces]

oh that just really sucks. Your DH sounds very immature emotionally and confused. I don't know how he thinks you could possibly wait a few months while he decides whether to participate in life or not and then 'take you back and try for a baby again'. That's just crazy talk. If he doesn't want to be like his dad, then he should be sticking around and supporting you. Wouldn't it be lovely for all of us to take 2-3 months off life when we feel like it?

I hope your counsellor is providing you with much needed emotional support - swap to somebody else if you feel like you don't click or get along with your counsellor. They honestly won't be offended and it can sometimes take a couple of attempts to find somebody who you really feel comfortable with. They also should NEVER talk you into one direction or the other, but should work with you to help you decide what's right for you. Asking questions, looking at all of your options, referring you to other supports if suitable, but not advising you what to do. Sure, it can sometimes involve reality testing to make sure that you are aware of what you're undertaking, but ultimately they should provide you with utmost respect for what you want to do. DH is a little naive if he thinks that's what you're going to get from counselling - to be told how hard it will be.

His behaviour is like self sabotaging behaviour - better to drop out of something, than to try and fail at it. He's really got some baggage there.

[Queenluxury]

I think he only say he will take me back just to give me false hope that he still love me so I will go get abortion now n maybe we will thing out later.
He doesn't need 2-3 months to figure out he loves me or not. We have been together for 3 yrs know each other 2 yrs b4 that. In those 3 yrs together, his heart should know what he want.
For him to ask me for a divorce and abortion to give himself time to sort himself out, its selfish. I'm not a toy to put on the shelf and when he decide he wants to play with me again he will just grab me back.

I'm hurt , angry, stressed and feel so unwanted. I'm emotionally scar!!
I don't know if when my babies grow up they will look back n think they have a bad childhood or they will think I didn't provide for them enough. I just don't know what's the future hold for me n them. I'm scared!!

[little_O]

I think he only say he will take me back just to give me false hope that he still love me so I will go get abortion now n maybe we will thing out later.
He doesn't need 2-3 months to figure out he loves me or not. We have been together for 3 yrs know each other 2 yrs b4 that. In those 3 yrs together, his heart should know what he want.
For him to ask me for a divorce and abortion to give himself time to sort himself out, its selfish. I'm not a toy to put on the shelf and when he decide he wants to play with me again he will just grab me back.

I'm hurt , angry, stressed and feel so unwanted. I'm emotionally scar!!
I don't know if when my babies grow up they will look back n think they have a bad childhood or they will think I didn't provide for them enough. I just don't know what's the future hold for me n them. I'm scared!!

your babies will love you unconditionally if you love them! Don't ever doubt your ability to be a great mother! He is a selfish immature man to expect you to give up this wonderful opportunity to have your babies because he isn't sure. Don't let him get inside your head and doubt who you are and how strong you are.

If he doesn't love you, that's HIS loss. If he wants to miss out being a part of his children's lives, that's his problem. Your children will respect you and love you even more to know how much you fought to keep them and how hard you have worked to give them everything you can. They won't resent you because they didn't wear designer, or have every toy in the store. Have faith in yourself! Don't let him win!

[Chrispe]

I think he only say he will take me back just to give me false hope that he still love me so I will go get abortion now n maybe we will thing out later.
He doesn't need 2-3 months to figure out he loves me or not. We have been together for 3 yrs know each other 2 yrs b4 that. In those 3 yrs together, his heart should know what he want.
For him to ask me for a divorce and abortion to give himself time to sort himself out, its selfish. I'm not a toy to put on the shelf and when he decide he wants to play with me again he will just grab me back.

I'm hurt , angry, stressed and feel so unwanted. I'm emotionally scar!!
I don't know if when my babies grow up they will look back n think they have a bad childhood or they will think I didn't provide for them enough. I just don't know what's the future hold for me n them. I'm scared!!

My grandpa left his wife and three kids (my dad, his brother and sister) in the 1950s. My grandma had to go and work several jobs to provide for them. Dad said it wasn't easy, but he has never complained about what he missed out on. He said it made him appreciate what he has, because he and his family had to work for it.
Your babies will love you, especially when you tell them just how much you have had to fight for them.
You are strong, you are worth it!

[Queenluxury]

Hcg drop to 130,000 this week. GP booked me in for a scan this arvo.
Husband doesn't seems upset at all when I told him.... Not surprise though
I will let u ladies know how the scan go. Fx

[Chrispe]

FX Queenluxury!

[jellybean88]

Fx and toes x

[Mummy&Daddy2Be]

Queenluxury how far along are you? i have heard HCG starts to drop at a certain stage

i hope all is ok

[Butterfly Dawn]

How did the scan go?
Im so sorry your husband is treating you this way.
He is blind to see a beautiful family infront of him.

[Charlotte91]

Hope everything is OK. been silently stalking.

[diannescruffy]

Been thinking of you too hun xxx.

Regards,
Dianne

[Queenluxury]

I'm so need to go to toilet lol waiting for a scan in an hour. Now I trying to drink 1lt of water.

Thanks everyone for all the caring and supporting comments.

Called old boss at work today and asked him if I can get some casual work b4 I'm due. Unfortunately, it's kind quiet at work at the moment. I was working in freight company so not much shipping during end of year til after jan

[Calluna]

Ive been stalking too, but had nothing productive to add. Good luck with your scan. Hoping everything is perfect.

[Catastrophic]

Good luck - xoxoxox Huge hugs!

[Queenluxury]

Both of babies are fine! Hb at 167 & 174
They were moving around too much and give a hard time to the man at radiology

Husband hasn't once ask me how the scan go. I was the only pregnant woman that go for a scan alone. Everyone have their partner with them. Feel so upset when thinking about it.

The question he asked me b4 I left home to scan is, Can I change my Facebook status to single?? ..... Seriously?!

After my counseling appointment tomorrow I will tell him that I'm 100% keep these babies. *sigh* I'm so scared! I know He was hoping me to agree with abortion. Gonna be a drama tomorrow

[chody47]

Yay! I'm so glad your babies are fine!

[jellybean88]

Yay that's great that there happy and active oxo good luck tomorrow maybe your councillor could give you some details for local organizations that can help you