How do you do it????

[julie26]

Hi Girls

I have been feeling a little down, run-down, sad lately. I have a 23 month old and twins 10 mths old. I notice that many of you girls have 3 or more babies close togethor and I wonder how you do it. With the kids, the house, cooking, cleaning etc, I feel like I can't continue, each day is another challenge and at the end of the days I am so glad I made it through.

I feel it is so hard, I am wondering do you guys feel that too or do you find it not so challenging. It has gotten better but still very hard, I am so exhausted, my DH is great and does alot for me but still I am tired always.

I really just wondering do any of you have any tips for me on how to get through and survive these early years? Don't get me wrong my babies are all good they dont cry much are very happy, the 23 mth old is happy speaks exceptionally well and loves life, so I feel I am doing ok with that side of things just inside sometimes I feel that I am gone IYKWIM and just this mother exists.

any tips would be appreciated.

Julie

[Hoody]

hello i am not in your position so i really dont now how its best to cope but my sister has twin girls (now 4) and and older boy (now 6) and to be honest IMO she still feels like you do however your DH sounds great and she only get a little support due to her DH's workload etc. Her kids are also handfuls to say the least and always have been. I think the only way she survives is by having lots of help. I am 1/5 kids in my family and 4 of us girls so she is lucky she has so many sisters 2 of which dont have kids and love spending time with their Nieces and Nephew. She is also coping better this yr as the girls have started Kindy. Do you have anyone who could commit to having them maybe one day or a few hours a week. I know even with just one and been pg i need a break every week even if only for an hour to have a shower in peace etc. Do you think maybe you need to see some one and could be a little depressed? I know my sister suffered (still does) PND and is on anti depressents. Not for every one i know but maybe something to look into if you are feeling really down.
Sorry I personally am not much help but i wanted you to know you are not alone.
:hugs: to you

[Lucy]

Julie,

I hope you don't mind me posting, I don't have twins, but I do have 3 very close together. (I have 3 under 3).

just inside sometimes I feel that I am gone IYKWIM and just this mother exists

ME too. I feel like that pretty much every day. I love my 3 with a passion, and have no regrets, but the yawning grind of the house, the meals, the mess etc nearly drives me over the edge.

My only tip is to share with your partner how you feel, and make sure you have his total understanding of how you feel, with as much comprehension of why you feel how you do.

That way, if you are just about to go bananas, he can hopefully absorb some of the frustrations. And at least attempt to empathise. Then at least the tough days won't feel quite as lonely?

My only other advice would be to make sure you have a passion of your own that is removed from normal activity. Mine is scrap booking, and I swear my time out doing that saves my sanity. I also go for a "pamper" of some sort once a week in the evening...a haircut, a manicure etc etc. I sometimes am so knackered I don't think I can face it, but I am always SO glad I did.

Hugs to you........

[julie26]

Nat- Thank you for your reply, I rely so much on my mum and dad that I dont want to ask them for anymore than I already Do(in relation to having them a few hours), my husbands family is little help so no relief there,I do have 2 girlfriends that are a great help they live 1 hour away but do come every 2 weeks and just look after the kids fold washing etc so that is great, your sister is lucky to have so many sisters to help. With the PND it is funny you should bring that up because I often wonder if I do have it, I had a girlfriend who had it so I am aware of it, I guess I am to scared to talk to my doc about it incase I do have it IYKWIM I guess fearful that someone will be able to definately define that I can not cope. Thank you so much for your reply it is sometimes just good to get it off my chest, before I had kids I was a successful business women my whole life dedicated to succeeding, now I have no control at all of how my day goes and I guess I am scared that I will fail at this mamoth task called motherhood. It is certainly the biggest challenge I have ever faced, although it is the most rewarding.

Lucy- It is great to know I am not the only one, my DH is great and at the end of the day when 1 baby just will not go to sleep he takes control and tells me to go do whatever I want he will look after it all and he does. I know he feels for me, this is sad for me as I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me (almost like he looks at me and thinks you poor thing, he often apologises for his part in all this : ) )

With relation to the passion of my own, somehow I cannot even think of what I like anymore, in all honesty I have no idea what I love to do, I do love reading but time really dosent permit me to do that, I do love the pamper theory, I go for a massage about once every 3 to 4 weeks, my husband tells me to go more often but again I feel bad asking mum to have the kids even if it would only be for 1 1/2 hours so I can have a massage. I have so much guilt when I ask others to help, I believe the kids are my responsibility, I know how hard it is and I don't expect others to have to do what I feel is my problem IYKWIM.

Well thank you both for your replies, I must fly now and do some washing..

Jules

[Lucy]

I have so much guilt when I ask others to help, I believe the kids are my responsibility, I know how hard it is and I don't expect others to have to do what I feel is my problem IYKWIM.

Me too. I hear you on that one, and it is an incredibly hard habit to break.

My "me time" is taken when the kids are all in bed. That way the guilts don't get me.

Or a new thing me and DH have started is taking alternate "lie ins" at the weekends......he will get up, feed them all, change the nappies, do brekky, dress them, deal with the dishwasher etc, whilst I just stay in bed and read. It is UTTER bliss. Then the next Sat, I'll return the favour. I am at the point now where I giggle to myself if they start being feral with him.....for a few hours a week, he can walk in my shoes......LOL!

Good luck hun....

[motherduck]

Hi Julie I'm mum to a DD 15yrs DD just over 3yrs and also Boy / Girl twins that will be 1 in two weeks. My beutiful brood keep me very busy and yes it is very easy to loose yourself and feel like you are just mum....Sometimes I feel like someone has stolen my iddenity and on the rare occasion when I get to the shops on my own there is always somone who will say what no kids today and thats when guilty and feel people are judging me even though I'm only out for and hour or so and they are with thier dad..

I dont realy have many tips on staying sane only that we should all take some time to just be good to ourselves.

And by worrying shows that we are great perents, they say twins get easyer as they get older so we just have to wait and see.
Jean

[julie26]

I am going to definately try the me time starting this week, and do it wekly, my Dh had the kids this morning and I slept until 8.45 which is huge for me, I just cant see a light at the end of the tunnel. Jean thank you for your post, do you have much help?? I just can't understand why I feel so terrible all the time, some women can never have kids so I should think myself lucky!

Jules

[motherduck]

I do get some help on rare occasions I have one sister who come for coffee a couple times a week she dosn't help to much with the kids but it's nice to sit and have some adult conversation.
My inlaws are getting on in age a bit and haven't had the twins at all yet I have offered for them to have one at a time but they say they are still to young they do have our 3yr old somtime very rarely maybe one a month or so but that is still a relief.
Most of the time I'm to busy to think to much.

JulieI am glad that you are going to start getting time for yourself just remember that you don't need to feel guilty.

[Amy76]

Hi Julie

Just a quick note to see how you are doing? I hope you're having a better week and managing some time to yourself - don't feel guilty about wanting/needing this time as it will help you to relax and cope a little easier each time making you a happier person and a happier mum

Take care
Amy

[julie26]

Hi Amy

Thanks for your reply, I did get my hair done this week so that was great, I felt sensational! I am feeling a little happier I guess just taking every day as it comes. I see that you are going to be in very similar situation very soon? How is it all going?

Julie

[Leemar]

Hey Julie, I feel the same way too. I just can not seem to get into a routine yet. I am going crazy and feel like nothing is getting done.

[julie26]

Hi Leanne
I am glad to see I am not alone, not that I would wish this on anyone, so you have 2 1/2 yr old twins and a 2mth old? How do you go putting the twins to sleep? Is there any secrets? I wish you all the best Leanne you certainly have your work cut out for you, do your twins go to daycare at all??

Jules

[Leemar]

Hi Julie,

Yes the boys go to daycare 2 days a week and my mums 2 days a week. I work 4 days and can only afford 2 days for daycare due to it being so expensive.

Sleeping: The boys still have a sleep during the day. So I just give put them on their beds and tell them its bed time. And at night we give them dinner around 6pm and then let them have a play for about an hour then its off for showers and then straight to bed. Oh dont get me wrong at first they were coming out every 5 mins or we could hear them playing in the hall way but we just kept putting them back into their beds and eventually they went to sleep. If there was any secret I would stay just be persistent. My boys always had showers or a bath and then went straight to bed so now they just know that when its time for a shower its time for bed well at night time any way.

I hope this somewhat helps you. I wish you all the best.

[Angel Babies 3]

I don't have twins in my arms (yet) but will soon.I am going to suggest something that my sound a bit obvious and a little "easier said than done". Try not to stress out. Have fun, laugh with your kids. Some things really can wait. The world will not end if we leave the dishes for an hour or two. The sky won't fall if we don't make the beds today. The cleaning can wait sometimes. We are not "Supergirl" and shouldn't try to be.
I found when I started to chill out about things that weren't really that important, life became so much easier and more enjoyable.
Sorry if you think I'm making it sound too easy, but it really is.

Sending you big hugs and best wishes,
Debbie

[hannahfroodoo]

Julie -

With the PND it is funny you should bring that up because I often wonder if I do have it, I had a girlfriend who had it so I am aware of it, I guess I am to scared to talk to my doc about it incase I do have it IYKWIM I guess fearful that someone will be able to definately define that I can not cope.

I just wanted to say - if you are really feeling down - do make sure you talk to your dr. There is no shame in PND. It's not an admission of defeat or lack of ability. It's very real and if you have it, you should get some help.

Good luck and ((hugs)).

[julie26]

Thanks Hannah

I have seen my doctor recently but again didn't bring it up, I spoke to DH and hed says you are just tired etc etc. I know I will have to bring it up I am just scared. Thank you for taking the time to reply. You too look like you will have your hands full soon?? Do you know what you are having yet?
Julie

[Amy76]

Hi Julie

It's amazing how wonderful you feel when you get a decent amount of sleep! Did you happen to catch the Inside Australia: Parent Rescue episode last night on depression/PND? I don't think anyone should feel ashamed - it's hard work being a mother, wife, daughter and friend and trying to "run" a house!

Hang in there and take care (of you!)
Amy