We made it to 12 months, after the most difficult turbulent experience I have her been through, we got back to BF'ing with weight gains at 6 1/2 months, I did everything I could to BF my most precious baby girl, but now I sit in with tears running down my cheeks , I noticed a week or so ago that DD had been getting very upset coming off after a feed, I just thought it was wind. Until I borrowed a serve of formula one evening from a friend who was staying with us and at her evening feed offered her a "top up" and she took 150ml and probably would have taken more, if there was more in the bottle.

So after a lot of thought I decided to replace the middle of the day feed with a bottle, as I was still expressing this feed while at work and after 12 months of pumping I felt I had done enough, and she seemed a lot happier, and offered her a "top up" after the evening feed, where she might take 60ml-150ml depending on the day. I thought ok I can continue with two feeds (morning and night) and supp the third/middle of the day feed. At the moment DD wouldn't take any yogurt, cheese or other forms of calcium at the moment so milk has to still be there.

Now that she has four chompers she has started nipping me a lot, I am trying to work out if it is a game, breast refusal or discovering her new teeth and what they can do, or the milk is dissappearing! So we now stop feeding say no and that is it, to try to teach her to not bite. She is also now getting a bit upset after other feeds, the hunger type of cry (the two I have left).

I have been slowly weaning the Motilium (due to a lack of research beyond 12 months), I am down to 2 a day, at our peak I was on 8 a day, but have managed to sit between 2-4 a day.

But I feel that it might be all coming to an end.

I love Breast Feeding, I love that my body has sustained my daughter, my next aim was August... but I fear that it might end all too soon, I am not ready but maybe she is... I don't want this to end, I know I will get my body back, but I am losing the most precious bond that we have had for so very long.

I am not ready for her to be on cows milk, I wish she would prefer me, I am sad that I feel this is becoming more about me than her.

I have four pots of EBM in the freezer, I was planing to save them for when she was sick.

I feel jealous of a friend who has a bountiful supply and is tandem feeding her 2 1/2 year old and 6 month old.... I wanted to continue a bit longer but fear the end is nigh...

How do I prepare myself to say goodbye to BF'ing my baby girl