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Thread: Baptism help??

  1. #1

    Default Baptism help??

    I posted this in my Belly due date group but I really need help so I'm posting in here too.

    My DH and I have agreed on everything important in our relationship from the start so I guess the wheels where bound to fall off at sometime.
    We have always had this disagreement even before we fall pregnant. While we agree that we want our children baptised we can't agree on which religion. I'm anglician and want our children anglician but DH is uniting and wants them uniting. If the kids were baptised uniting the baptism isn't acknowledged by my church but if they are baptised anglican it is accepted by this. DH doesn't go to church so it will be me who takes them to church and that would be my church. Every time it comes up we get into a huge fight and I end up in tears. I just don't know what to do anymore. It is so important to me but is it important enough for DH to be furious with me and unhappy and not agreeing with the baptism or me just give up and accept it.

    That doesn't even make any sense but I just don't know what to do. We have always been able to sort out everything and compromise but we can't on this one. I've been all night.

    Any tips????

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jan 2005



    Double check this with your minister, but I am pretty sure that Christian Baptisms are recognised across all the main religions.

    Friends of mine had a similar situation where one person was CAtholic, the other was Lutheran, and they sat down with the Lutheran Pastor who explained that if down the track they decided that they wanted their kids to be Catholic, the Baptism would be recognised because the Christian Churches had agreed upon it?

    ETA - Sorry I just re-read your post...about one Church recognising the other's Baptism but not vice-versa. I would go with Anglican, as this way your childs Baptism is recognised by both your Church and your husbands. I think it would be unreasonable for him to expect you to want otherwise.
    Last edited by Pandora; November 10th, 2006 at 10:58 PM.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    In the middle of nowhere


    Could you have two baptisms? I know it sounds silly and I agree with you, but if he's so passionate about it why couldn't you have one at each church. It's the same God, just different words. Your child will eventually decide it's own religion and sometimes they are rebaptised anyway.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jun 2003


    Yeah I'd go with dual citizenship if you can Go for two baptisms. Even if one is a big celebration and the other is just a private ceremony with you guys and the godparents. At least then you know you've done both.



  5. #5

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Eastern 'Burbs


    Like others have said, baptism by either denomination would still be a Christian baptism...and given that 'baptism' is the key word here, it shouldn't matter if it's an Anglican or Uniting one (IMO).

    However, if your DH doesn't even attend his denominational church, out of principle I would have the baptism done at your church, spesh since you'll be the one taking your child(ren) to church. Why is he concerned with it being Uniting when he doesn't even attend?! Can he explain his rationale? What does he classify as a 'Christian' and Christian community? If he's not living that way.........why?

    On the other hand, if it's going to cause ugly disagreements...well, at the end of the day your baby is still baptised before God's eyes....who is God of both the Anglicans and Unitings! The Bible has no denominations listed so why should we?! Man made rules!

    Hope I haven't offended you with any of this....but I think it's important for you DH to give some decent reasons for his Uniting bent. Just because he might have been baptised Uniting doesn't mean that's the best reason for his child to be. If he was going to take him/her to a Uniting church and bring them up in that specific doctrine, well, I wouldn't worry about your children being baptised Uniting...but if he's not willing to do that, I kinda don't see why he's so concerned.....would be hypocritical (augh! sorry if that offends you) of him to demand a baptism his style.

    Pray about it! Talk to God about it......pray for your husband to come to a compromise with you....pray that God will soften his heart and given him understanding of where you are coming from......prayer always works best for me

    ps: what sort of wedding ceremony did you have?

  6. #6


    Thank you so much everyone for your help. I think we are in need of a major D & M.

    Thanks for all your advice.

    Luv Dan.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jul 2006


    Can you possibly do a dedication service instead?? So there isn't a particular denomination, rather a dedication instead? This is what my BIL & SIL did. That way they kids can choose their own preferred denominations when they're older if they want??? Just another thought. We are going to have a naming ceremony rather than any denominational thing only because of some personal issues with some things regarding this.

  8. #8


    We are in the same boat. Although DH and i dont really follow a religion, my family does. Both my parents are very into catholic side of things. Dad was so hurt when we were married in an anglican church, but this was because we couldnt have a catholic service due to me not having done all the 'services' (reconcilliation, confirmation etc) and i didnt see the point. DH family are all anglican.
    To me i dont really mind what religion bub is bought up in, but my family has other ideas and i dont know what to do either. Baptism is something i want to do though, but not sure what religion to swing to.

    Some of our friends have also suggested a dedication service or a naming service. Then its not pinpointed at a specific religion.

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Sep 2006


    OMGOSH. Chocolatecatty. Well done in your explanation. That was very good and I totally agree with you. DH isnt taking them to church and you are Nurse Dan so really the question is answered. Your not going to go to his church now are you. DH has to understand that.

    Im glad I didnt have that problem with my kids. We being DH and I are both Catholic's but ive only become catholic in the last 2 years. My family is 7 day adventist and I wasnt baptised. But DH and I agreed that If I hadnt become a catholic the Kids would have been baptised catholics as I wasnt going to church before I got baptised and DH was. So really the one that takes the kids Should really make the choice of what religon. Well thats my point anyway.

    Good luck

  10. #10
    Percy Guest


    hmmm well as a member of the UC I would say that UC and Anglican are pretty much similar in most of their beliefs - ie both protestant Anglo-Saxon roots - so I can't see why either wouldn't accept the other's baptism.

    I was baptised UC and the Catholic Church accepted this as proof of my christianity to be allowed to be wed in DH's church. I really think you should talk to your minister first before you get too worked up over it.

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