Black tie wedding ettiquette

[~Phoenix~]

Oh dear, I've been to lots of weddings and never once have I been told to colour co-ordinate - the dress code yes but definately not colours.

For your DH is it possible to hire a suit and use own shirt & tie?? I know I've seen ads on TV for some of the major chains like Ferrari (in SA) offering deals from about $50-70 and you generally get it for the weekend, from thurs/friday to the monday.

[lauren22]

Black tie 100% means dinner suits for men without question.
just stating formal on the invite means any suit and tie normally but for women the rule is generally knee length and no bare shoulders. At least thats what i was told...

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I would say that stating set colours meant they were rude enough that you didn't have to follow their dictates exactly... there is a limit with what I'll do for an invite. Speak to the bride. Honestly. Have EVERY SINGLE famiy unit in your family run their outfits by her. I understand black tie, I understand strictly black tie, but I cannot condone dictating colours. You're not bridesmaids! What next, demanding waistcoats for the men and the height of the heel for women? What about children and their clothes? The fact it has come AFTER many guests have bought clothes would upset me too.

I would just buy a cheapish black suit. And have, for DH - he has relatively inexpensive black and grey suits now after his lovely bespoke suit fell apart in under a decade. Three holes!

[Doing my best]

My other SIL put a different perspective saying that maybe it was the colour of the mens ties/shirts, so she asked SIL to be...

And she wants all people in those colours so the photos look good

So I have tried calling my bro, and left a message asking that if people cannot afford outfits in the correct colours, are they still allowed to go? am awaiting his response.

[Dansta]

thats a weee bit far. i can understand black tie, maybe even suggesting the mens tie/shirt colours (maybe so the goomsmen and bridesmaids stand out?) but telling guests what to wear?!? some one has been watching too much bridezillas.
i hope your brother tells you to ignore SIL to be...

[Footsteps]

wow. i really hope your brother responds soon x

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Bridezilla! I'd rather have people ENJOYING themselves and THERE rather than in set colours.

(BTW, if I were to do it again, I'd say no-one in white or very pale creams, but then I thought it known bad form to attend a wedding in a white outfit!)

[Doing my best]

Finally got some answers!

After talking to my Mum this morning and telling her we may not be able to afford to go if we have to adhere to the dress code, she got involved. As her and Dad are going through a separation at moment, they don't have money to spare either.

Anyhow bro finally called me and said do we have stuff almost that colour? I told him that after checking DH's suit, the jacket doesn't fit. And can he wear just pants, shirt and tie.. Yep all good. Kids, I will do my best to get the colours, but if I can't that will be bad luck. And I told him I refuse to put my 2 yr old daughter in a plain black dress for a wedding.

At worst, we won't be in the photos, but I couldn't really care. I have a perfectly good camera and we can take photos. Even if I take them of bro and family before 'bridezilla' turns up

[Boo Boo]

Happy Mummy - I have a gold dress of DD's size 2 to 3 (a generous size - she wore it this Christmas and she was 3 and 3 months - she is average size) that your little one can borrow if you like - my DD has grown out of it now - has only been worn twice - I have no problems in posting it to you - it is lovely - just let me know if I can help you.

Laurin

[Doing my best]

Happy Mummy - I have a gold dress of DD's size 2 to 3 (a generous size - she wore it this Christmas and she was 3 and 3 months - she is average size) that your little one can borrow if you like - my DD has grown out of it now - has only been worn twice - I have no problems in posting it to you - it is lovely - just let me know if I can help you.

Laurin

Laurin, that is so generous of you. It would be great if it fits her!!

[Doing my best]

Well ***** hit the fan tonight.

Bro kept telling me what we had was ok, and as offending as it was, he offered us money to buy outfits..

And after asking his bride to be after snide remarks on FB, she told me to wear black tie in the colours or don't bother.. Bro rang me, I put him in his place, (he thought his wedding was formal, not black tie), and had it out with her.

Next thing I am being abused by bride to be's brother, and it is over.

I feel bad, but also feel, that if it is over that easily, there is a lot more to it. Will wait till bro is ready to call me.

[msadelaide]

Women can get away with a nice dress as long as its not a summery print like floral or something. Something black always works well with a nice pair of gold/silver shoes if you have them. It adds a nice contrast to the black dress.

Mens suits can be black, grey or navy and with a shirt and must wear a tie.

Black tie is bascally no open collars, denim, beige pants or sport coats ect. Men have to wear a tie and dress shoes.

[Dansta]

ok, she needs to be pulled up on this! thats down right rude telling her soon to be SIL that she cant go to HER BROTHERS wedding because of colours! weddings are ment to be fun - not a down to the what people are wearing affair! and for her brother, well..he needs to be melly bashed followed by a thwack upside the head with a toboot! i hope she comes down off her thrown! gah, what a way to 'join a family'

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Happy Mummy - your brother's wedding is off because Bridezilla couldn't compromise on colours?

Do you reckon she was being so Bridezilla so he'd call it off and she could get sympathy, rather than her call it off over a dress and being considered a right horrid thing?

[Doing my best]

Do you reckon she was being so Bridezilla so he'd call it off and she could get sympathy, rather than her call it off over a dress and being considered a right horrid thing?

Thank you.. Was hoping someone out of the family would say that..

She wanted a reason, she pushed me, I snapped, I say a few home truths and I get blamed. Takes the heat of her.