Sounds like a great day to me! I know we would happily pay for our meal and be super happy if we got to chose what we could have! Recently DP and I went to a wedding and the bride and groom had spent heaps and on the way home we felt so bad for them because the food was terrible - I know we didn't go for that but I know it wasn't cheap for them.
Goodluck its your day do it which ever way makes you both happy!
Congratulations on your commitment ceremony!!
Your plans sound like a combination of my wedding and my friend's wedding, I don't think there is anything at all wrong with wanting to do things your way, the way it suits you and the way your loved ones will know made you two happy on your special day.
My husband and I invited only our immediate families to our wedding, as we were so flat broke we had to hock a few bits and pieces from around the house just to afford our wedding rings!! We had a courthouse ceremony in front of our families and then went to dinner at a restaurant afterwards, it was hilarious explaining to the staff when we made the booking that, 'No, we don't want the function room, just a table for ten... yes, I did say 'wedding reception', it's going to be a very small one'.
And at my friend's wedding, she and her husband requested very politely on the invites that, because they had lived together for three years and had two kids together, there really wasn't much in the way of gifts that would be handy to them now, but if their friends and family could send them a money order/cheque with their RSVP for the $30 cost of the meal at the reception, that and their attendance on the day would be more than enough 'gift' for them. It went swimmingly, everyone enjoyed themselves (even me when my husband got hold of the open bar and ended up with his tie wrapped around his head Karate-Kid style), and a lovely time was had by all - and I think a lot of the not-so-well-off among us appreciated the fact that we only had to spend $30pp on dinner rather than trying to scrape together $100+ for a fancy gift.
There are some cute poems getting around on wedding invites these days about how the couple already has everything to make their house a home, so a small 'donation' to their 'honeymoon/house deposit/baby savings fund' would be more helpful to them, so maybe have a Google and see if you can find anything relevant to your situation??
Otherwise, just do what my friends did and say that your attendance and paying for your own meal/drinks is more than enough of a 'present' to you and your beloved. There's nothing impolite about wording it like that and people will probably be grateful that they are pretty much getting a cheaper deal than having to buy gifts (or, at least, they know they can choose something other than 'chicken or fish'!!).
I went to a very similar ceremony a couple of years ago ... they too mentioned 'no gift required as our being there to help celebrate & share their special day was our gift to them' ... and on the invitation was how much $$ per head which helped as a Guest so much as then i knew how much to expect to pay at the end of the night ... and it worked out cheaper than i would have normally have spent on a gift
On their invite after the per head mentioned cost was what was included eg, beer, white & red wine, soft drinks, entree & main meal & dessert (which was the cake) ... Which made the per head sound such great value as you knew what you were getting
Our commitment ceremony was part of the FEAST festival in Adelaide. It was a group event with 17 couples taking part, funded by FEAST. There was a wedding cake competition (which we came 2nd - but to a store bought cake lol), the decorations were giant paper flowers that the feast committee had made, and the reception was a big picnic event that all guests bought something to share. It was just a great relaxed day.
I just couldn't see us being all stiff and proper - if we were like that we would have each married a bloke instead of each other LMAO!
Just wanted to mention this though, after your comment on set menus...How many people are you expecting to attend the dinner? Did you have any ideas on the type of restaurant? I ask this because many restaurants will supply only a limited or set menu to large parties of people. Just make sure you check this out before committing to a particular restaurant
I just had to write as you mentioned not liking the set menu idea but I think you need to negotiate a fixed range of dinner choices at the same price per person so everyone pays the same. It would be horrible to have the hassle of working out the bill at such a special dinner.
Then make sure guests have to get their own drinks at the bar so they are paid for up front- no nasty surprises on the bill at the end!
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