Is this rude ? ... Wedding ... Couple asking for money as a gift !!

[Lucy]

We specifically asked for no gifts ("We want your presence not your presents") as were already pretty well set up.

But we still recieved gifts: all of which are really personal and beautiful......a painting of where DH grew up, some hand turned book ends, some wine etc.

One of our friends did face-painting on all of the children at the wedding and then sent us a framed montage of all of the photos of the children with the face paints on.......it it was a wonderful unexpected "gift" that we treasure.

My point being that some of our friends and family went "against" what we requested, which didn't bother us at all.

They should be that wrapped up in each other on the day, and that joyful at sharing it with you, that they most likely won't even notice!

So my advice would be to go with what you want to do. A personal gift (regardless of budget) will most likely end up as more special to them in the long run?

[Lisa]

In our "wishing well", all the monies given were anonymous... and we had a table in which guests left cards... we figured that the anonymity of it meant that no one needed to be embarrassed by only giving $10 or whatever. The most common amount given was $50.

[Chocaholic]

I will be attending a wedding in November and they want money to pay for their honeymoon. I know that this is a common practice now (OMG, do I sound old? I'm not even 30 yet!) but I still can't get comfortable with the idea.

This couple has been together for 2 years or so and are living together SO they do have everything they need. Now I am trying to determine what to get them. Major stress as it will cost us over $1000 to get to the wedding.

[Mother Goose]

When DH and I got married, we were returned to our home State to get married as that was where everyone was. We asked people to be mindful that anything they bought, we had to transport back in our car and room would be limited so suggested gift vouchers as an alternative. Some people did that and we didn't care about the amount because we just wanted to celebrate with our family and friends. For the people who travelled from Vic for the wedding, they actually bought us a gift when we got back...

And for what it is worth, I think $50-$60 is perfectly reasonable. Only give what you can afford to give.

MG

[kristy J]

i think if you ask for money than one of those wishing wells are best too. some people may not be able to afford much and that way someone can donate $10 or $100 and everyone is appreciated the same.

its not uncommon these days but i honestly hate to give money.

[~Trish~]

I think $50 is very generous! Particularly after all of your travelling. I really don't think the bride & groom will be judging everyone's gift amounts, being a Greek Orthodox wedding there will be LOADS of guests so I'm sure they won't even remember who gave them what!

[Kitt3n]

I think this is a perfectly fine gift request! I mean, if you do a bridal registery the wedding couple are going to know exactly how much everything cost anyway!

We will be asking for money as yes, we have everythign we need and will would appreciate any gifts as moeny in order to help pay for the reception. Any physical "gifts" unfortunately wouldt actually be gofts, as we would probably end up taking them back to the store or passing on as a present to someone else.

As far as how much to give - most Orthodox have a basket at the door of the recepetion where you pop in $5 or $10 and you get a flower from the region of the bride to pin on your clothing.

Personally i think you should only give what you can - and you should not be ashamed if this is $20, $200 or $2000 dollars. THEY have invited you there, therefore your presence is the present

Just a head sup about the $5 at the recepetion for you though!!

[Pandora]

I'm sure however much you can afford, if you choose to, is fine, I am sure your friends dont expect you to put yourselves under financial stress to attendtheir wedding.

[LisaL]

Mmm I normally give money as a gift anyway but I get a bit shirty when people ask for it specifically, Id rather they have a register, I know its easier with money but then it puts some people in a bit of a bind.. as for the $50 - thats fine as an amount, its whatever you can afford, and any amount is appreciated. What you can do, is perhaps by a nice picture frame or two large candles (from a variety/two dollar shop) and put them in a small box with some tissue paper, rose petals, and a handful of wrapped lollies or choclolates (this signifies you are wishing the couple a sweet life together) and put your card in the box and nice big bow over the top. That way you can still spend $60 and it looks like you have spent a bit more and put in extra effort which im sure they will appreciate more than the actual dollar amount...

BOL

[aussienic]

We have been to a few weddings now where they give the option of money or a gift.. We choose the gift.. Except for 2 wedding we just put $50 in a envelope.. but like you I prefer to give a gift that might look a little exxy..

[MummaBear79]

I dont think it is rude at all. My husband and I did this for our wedding a few years ago. We had what we called a 'money tree' and everyone just pinned money to it with pegs. It was anonymous and we didnt really care who gave what. Like someone else said, every little bit helps. I think at our age (youngish) we want to buy what we want or maybe go on that special holiday, rather than recieve a whole heap of things that we didnt need. I think its a great idea and good on em for doing it. Money should be used wisely these days, not wasted.

[Sammiejane]

Smiles,

we are in the same situation as you - wedding in a few weeks. I dont like being asked for money, but i also understand that they have most things so $$ towards their honeymoon is more useful
We have decided that we will put money in from several people so that it looks like a big lum sum... They gave us bank account details so will transfer the money

Our rule with giving $$ is that we give about $50 per person (not including kids) so $100 from DH and I, as they would be spending at least that to pay for us to eat and drink iykwim...

I agree also that, you presence is enough and if you dont have the money to give a lot or buy an expensive pressie, well thats fine too.

We didnt judge anyone for the gifts we were given at our wedding

[lila]

well, we did it ourselves, it is normal were we come from (europe), so everybody does it like this.
we were able to pay for the whole reception with that money!

i don't get offended at all i don't have to think about what to ge them and not a million others get them too, i even had a couple giving us an account no. at a travel agent, so they went on a honeymoon with the money they got, i think its better then lots of things you don't really want/need/like....

[cannedemma]

hi,
i reckon whatever you can afford is perfectly fine to give... my rule is always to try and find out roughly what the cost per head of the reception is and give about that... but depending on your budget this could be too much!

my husband and i asked for money in a poem for our wedding as well as giving option of ppl giving a traditional present... personally i think that if the couple lives at home and have never lived in a home of their own there is definitely something that they will need..

I found it rude when my sister in law and her partner asked for money when they got married when they had never lived together and didnt have anything that they needed for their own home... that made me a little angry, and i got them a gift instead because i think if u r going to ask for money it needs to be clear what it will be used for... on ours we actually made it clear that we were putting it towards a deposit for our own house so we could stop renting...

Anyway, good luck, only give what you can afford and if you are still uncomfortable with giving money the couple will not mind if you buy a gift!