Wedding that isn't a wedding

[Jellyfish]

Then you wont be husband and wife.. which is what you said you wanted to be called.

I too believe in marriage equality but not god so mine was a civil celebrant ceremony. I believe that a commitment ceremony which is what you have described to me is done in place of when a marriage is not legal (ie. same sex couples which I do believe should be allowed to be married but thats a whole other thread)

I just also think if you want to be called husband and wife and are going to all the trouble of the celebration and vow exchanging then it would be rather silly to not do the legal part to get the husband and wife title.

That was half a joke but at any rate, we will be to us

[beansbeans!]

Dh and I never really wanted to marry. We were happy the way we were.
Then we got pregnant with dd1 and when we started to tell people about our pregnancy the question that would follow was when are you getting married. That really annoyed me. But funnily enough we did get engaged around the same time dd1 was conceived, and that was so romantic, not. (way too many glasses of wine, a strange conversation, which ended with so why dont we get engaged, it was agreed upon, and that was it) Mil, insisted we got married before dd1 was born, I disagreed (but held power that if I felt the urge to, then we would, but I didn't). Mil was not impressed.
Anyhow we got married when dd1 was 11months old. We took parents and a handful of friends to the snow for a week. We had fun, signed some papers, wine tour, then pizza for dinner, I didnt wear white.
Afterwards it didnt feel any different. Life went back to normal.
I dont know the reason why we got married, I think we were pushed to do it just so people would stop asking when it was going to happen. My rebellion was massive, I didnt wear white, it was small and informal, there were no flowers, no cake, no formal reception. I didnt wear shoes either. Im still copping it from the inlaws for how we celebrated our relationship. (mil brought a cake, after me telling her no, and she copped it big time, we didnt want to have cake, it was done our way, and that was final )

I think we did similar to your thinking. Why we included the legal stuff, well I figured if I was going to go to all that trouble then may as well include the legal stuff. And really it was perhaps 5mins of the whole thing. We are not religious, so did not incorporate any religious element. I think not doing it until there is marriage equality is pointless. I mean the government wont change its mind on this because of low numbers who are marrying. Instead the more helpful thing to do is to sign the petitions, write to your local member and get involved in the movement.

I do think you are overthinking it a lot. Perhaps write it all down. If you want to marry legally then do it and do it your way. The only right way to have a wedding is the way you and your dp picture it. You could celebrate your relationship in any way or form and still do the legal stuff on the side. Or you can celebrate your relationship still like a wedding but not include the legal stuff.

Perhaps you need to write down your personal reasons for doing or not doing the legal side. But there is nothing stopping you from having a celebrating your relationship.

Enough rambling from me

[Jellyfish]

Dh and I never really wanted to marry. We were happy the way we were.
Then we got pregnant with dd1 and when we started to tell people about our pregnancy the question that would follow was when are you getting married. That really annoyed me. But funnily enough we did get engaged around the same time dd1 was conceived, and that was so romantic, not. (way too many glasses of wine, a strange conversation, which ended with so why dont we get engaged, it was agreed upon, and that was it) Mil, insisted we got married before dd1 was born, I disagreed (but held power that if I felt the urge to, then we would, but I didn't). Mil was not impressed.
Anyhow we got married when dd1 was 11months old. We took parents and a handful of friends to the snow for a week. We had fun, signed some papers, wine tour, then pizza for dinner, I didnt wear white.
Afterwards it didnt feel any different. Life went back to normal.
I dont know the reason why we got married, I think we were pushed to do it just so people would stop asking when it was going to happen. My rebellion was massive, I didnt wear white, it was small and informal, there were no flowers, no cake, no formal reception. I didnt wear shoes either. Im still copping it from the inlaws for how we celebrated our relationship. (mil brought a cake, after me telling her no, and she copped it big time, we didnt want to have cake, it was done our way, and that was final )

I think we did similar to your thinking. Why we included the legal stuff, well I figured if I was going to go to all that trouble then may as well include the legal stuff. And really it was perhaps 5mins of the whole thing. We are not religious, so did not incorporate any religious element. I think not doing it until there is marriage equality is pointless. I mean the government wont change its mind on this because of low numbers who are marrying. Instead the more helpful thing to do is to sign the petitions, write to your local member and get involved in the movement.

I do think you are overthinking it a lot. Perhaps write it all down. If you want to marry legally then do it and do it your way. The only right way to have a wedding is the way you and your dp picture it. You could celebrate your relationship in any way or form and still do the legal stuff on the side. Or you can celebrate your relationship still like a wedding but not include the legal stuff.

Perhaps you need to write down your personal reasons for doing or not doing the legal side. But there is nothing stopping you from having a celebrating your relationship.

Enough rambling from me

Oh yeah, I get that it won't change anything, it isn't in protest but just because I want to live true to myself and my ideals, authentically I suppose.

Thanks for your thoughts! This thread has really helped me hash out my thoughts and to see how strongly I actually feel about this. I don't think I could get married if we were to include the legals, it wouldn't feel right to me and I would rather just remain as is but thinking about having a wedding minus that part makes me feel completely at ease and comfortable and even excited. I think that kind of says it all right?

[Beatrix]

If that's what you want then do it.

I do think a lot of people will find it hard to understand and if you decided to get married in the future then what will you do then?

[Jellyfish]

They might not but each of our families are the type to accept, respect and support even in the absence of understanding. And if they don't then that is their issue really as it is our wedding and our life. Those that know me are pretty used to my idealistic ways lol.

If we later need the legal aspect for some reason then we will go sign with witnesses at the registry office. Our wedding we have now will still be our wedding to us, that is just a formality born out of necessity.

[meow]

If we later need the legal aspect for some reason then we will go sign with witnesses at the registry office. Our wedding we have now will still be our wedding to us, that is just a formality born out of necessity.

I was going to come back and say this. I think it's a good option. You can have a celebration just how you want it right now and if that legal bit helps you out sometime then get it sorted like the government owned business transaction that it is

[raffy]

I didn't feel the urgency to get married until after DS1 was born and I was making post natal appointments and saying my name was X and DS1 name was Y then all of a sudden it was important for me to have the same name as my partner and son and by that point second child to be lol but I didn't feel it was necessary to go nuts on a party, so we had a tiny ceremony with our immediate family only and then we just all went out to dinner to celebrate

[luna moth]

I recently went to a celebrant-less non-wedding. I was pretty skeptical at first but it was A.Ma.Zing. The couple basically just called everyone together, gave a shared speech about what they thought about marriage and commitment, with some cool quotes from philosophers and scientists along the way. Then they turned to each other and made their promises, and it was open and raw and honest and just so REAL.

Then there was a big party, and it was just beautiful. Three weeks later they went and did the registry thing, they needed to for some legal thing, maybe to do with a visa. I dunno. Don't care. They're the most married people I know, certificate or not.