Do good looking people have it easier at work?

[sushee]

The person who initially said to me that she didn't think she'd like me, is in fact my age and incredibly good at her job her job. She leaves me in the dust technically. But she admits I leave her in the dust when it comes to managing relationships with people, and she attributes this to my looks. She says she can see people actually smile when they see me, even if they don't know me, but feels that she comes off as someone that people prefer not to spend time with. The thing is, she's not unattractive at all, but I think she thinks she is, and dresses and conducts herself accordingly.

I also got invited to join an area just today that she was put up for. Now I get paid whether I work for a client or not, she doesn't, she's an independent contractor. But for what they need, she would have been absolutely perfect. They need technical software skills, not a project manager. But they were adamant they want me and not her. Did they just prove her point?

[LuluHB]

I also got invited to join an area just today that she was put up for. Now I get paid whether I work for a client or not, she doesn't, she's an independent contractor. But for what they need, she would have been absolutely perfect. They need technical software skills, not a project manager. But they were adamant they want me and not her. Did they just prove her point?

I don't think its as simple as that Sushee. If she comes across as potentially *****ly to clients because she lacks confidence in her own appearance or ability to deal with people, then that DOES affect her ability to do the job. Sure, the technical, background actual grunt part of the work is very important, but making a client FEEL confident that they are getting the job down well is a big part of it too. You are obviously a great people person and that's part of the job description too.

[sushee]

The thing is, aside from the initial meeting to scope the work, she'd be working almost autonomously on MS Project, and I swear, she's an absolute gun at it. I, on the other hand, am a PM, with PM skills and qualifications, and while I've got fairly advanced MS Project skills, I'm not anywhere as good as her. Different skill sets altogether. I actually argued AGAINST me going because I don't know if I can do it. I have other opportunities here too that are more aligned with my skills, but this area has never let someone in from the PMO before because they're so insular. I'm the first person they've ever asked, so I've been told I'm going.

I just spoke to her and she just shrugged and rolled her eyes. We're friends now, so I know she's not blaming me, but she said yesterday that they'd want the 'pretty' one and she just feels like her opinion on it has been validated. Which is a shame.

[krysalyss]

I am a science post-grad and I think the situation is mixed where I am. Firstly when you submit your work only that is assessed (by people who generally don't know you) but when it comes to getting extra work then I think attractiveness pays off. It is a combination of general good looks with good dressing and confidence. I am a normal looking person with no dress sense and low confidence until I know someone well (e.g. if someone snubs me if will tend to shake my confidence and in this field almost everyone is pretty confident or even arrogant). But the quality of my work is fine thankfully. So I don't get left behind but I don't really push forward in the networking stakes. The factors are so inter-related I don't think it is easily attributed to just the one.

[briggsy's girl]

The person who initially said to me that she didn't think she'd like me, is in fact my age and incredibly good at her job her job. She leaves me in the dust technically. But she admits I leave her in the dust when it comes to managing relationships with people, and she attributes this to my looks. She says she can see people actually smile when they see me, even if they don't know me, but feels that she comes off as someone that people prefer not to spend time with. The thing is, she's not unattractive at all, but I think she thinks she is, and dresses and conducts herself accordingly.

do you remember a convo we had not that long ago - about the poppet? about how she doesn't take to some people, but she met you, and within seconds, you were best friends. she's TWO. she doesn't know SQUAT about society and it's view of beauty/attraction. she took to you because you are an engaging person. your eyes engage people. your smile. YOU engage people. it's not about your size, your look, how you dress - hell, the first time we met IRL you were in the equivalent of pajamas!! it was YOU. if your colleague doesn't have the type of personality that engages someone from the get go, then of course you're going to be a mile ahead of her when it comes to your interactions with clients etc

you could have an identical twin. you with your personality, the twin with hers - and you'd still come up trumps in that situation

[Astrid]

I certainly know I have been passed over for jobs and actively discriminated against in the work place due to my weight (along with other things, I think there is never just the one thing)

10+ years ago when I was first looking for work in Melbourne, I could wow them with my resume, wow them with a phone interview, but within 5 minutes of the interview I would "Oh, you don't have a degree" well, derr, you knew that from my resume and from talking to me prior. I would then look around the office and see all the women were thin. May be it was part presentation? I don't know. Pretty sure I dressed the part.

When I finally did get myself a good job where I was hired on skill, I had a manager come in who was all about looks. He loved the other girls in the team who were not overweight. He hated me from the start, yes we did have differing personalities/backgrounds, but I worked out later a lot of it was due to my weight. During my time there I lost a lot of weight. The more weight I lost, the more his hate for me diminished. He stopped trying to get me fired and was actually upset when I resigned to move onto a better job. I also noticed during that time that other staff become friendlier as the kilos dropped.

There was a cute, eye lash flashing, big boobed girl in my team. She got away with everything, she really was not that great at her job, she put in heaps of hours (which was seen as great, not as her covering her in competencies). I caught her stealing from the company, the same manager let her off "as a mistake", stupid really she later stole almost $50k from the company. I know if I had done what I first caught her doing, I would either received a severe warning or even lost my job.

It sucks it really does, but looks are really only one factor in treatment in the work place.

[myturn]

I used to work in unemloyment services (i.e recruting and getting unemployed people into jobs) and we had a guy start working with us that had previously been a regional manager for a large take away company, and he actually said that if he went into the restaurant and there was an unattractive girl at the front register he would go out the back to the manager and ask why she was there and to get her out the back!

I kid you not, I was young at the time, so didn't say anything, but I was horrified!

I do think it depends on the industry though, and I'm not sure it's always a conscious thought - rather something that most people do without reaslising.

TBH, I think we need to admit to ourselves that if someone is 'weird looking' it's easier to ignore them or pass them over for someone else - it's only till we get to know them that we realise their strengths.... its like hiring someone with little experience and giving them a chance to prove themselves. Someone has to give them that chance!

[sushee]

BG, you're my friend, you have to say that! xxx

I went to the new area. I know jack about what they want to do, but I now know why they wanted me. The program officer manager, who is the person I have to work with, is the most difficult man IN THE WORLD. But we had a robust discussion in which I had schmooze at full volume, plus develop brass balls if he tried to push me around, and he caved after 3 hours and is giving us the information he has refused to provide to anyone for 3 weeks. That's going to the other girl now to sort out and I will liaise between the two.

When I went back and saw my manager, he was ecstatic. He then said that the other girl 'builds us what we need', whereas I 'get what we need'. Can't really be unhappy about that, I guess.

[Phteven]

That sounds like a good partnership.

Sexy women who work in bars certainly earn more tips than their non-sexy peers. And TBH sexy is about working it as much as it is about being genetically blessed.

[LuluHB]

Sounds like they have the right ladies doing the right jobs to me. Good on you for getting a great result.